Something In-Between

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation nor do I make any money from using the characters.

NC-17

If you have time, please review. Thank you!!


Note: Sorry I’m late. So many real world things got in the way. As always, this chapter was saved by Kri and AshCat, my lovely, patient betas.

And sorry Aja, I know this chapter blows the Road Safety Challenge, but I swear, it was written before the challenge! ;)

Warning, smut ahead.

Something In-Between


Chapter 14
You Call Me a Dog


You call me a dog well that’s fair enough
’Cause it ain’t no use to pretend you’re wrong
When you call me out I can’t hide anymore
I have no disguise you can’t see through

Well you say it’s bad luck
To have fallen for me
Well what can I say to make it good for you
You wore me out like an old winter coat
Trying to be safe from the cold

But when it’s my time to throw
The next stone
I’ll call you beautiful if I call at all

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


The sky was just beginning to lighten when I looked up to the persistent knocking on the window. It was Tony. I turned off the music, unlocked the doors, and raised the seat.

Tony opened the door and slid into his seat with reverence. He had never understood my love of cars; he felt that cars were just a way of getting from point A to point B. But this car, the Aston Martin, even Tony loved and treated it with a cautious awe.

“Is there something wrong, Tony?” I asked. It was unusual for my bodyguard to appear like this.

Once he was settled, he turned to me, “Are you still brooding?”

“Brooding?” I answered with a frown, “What are you talking about?”

“American grunge music,” Tony nodded at the CD player. “You only play it when you are filled with uncertainty and fear. It is unlike you to do so for any length of time.”

“Fear?” I shook my head with a smile. “What do I have to fear?”

“I believe you are in love,” Tony answered, as if that explained everything.

I quirked my eyebrow at him, “So… that is what you believe, eh?”

Tony smiled, “It is a good thing, I think. You have been lonely for a very long time. And, especially since your mother’s death, you have been looking for something more lasting in your life.” Leaning forward, my bodyguard patted the dashboard as if it was his favorite pet.

“Do you think so?” I asked with curiosity.

“Yes. I know that dealing with her death was very difficult for you. You hide it well, behind your wisecracks and your smiles and your pick-up lines, but you still miss her a great deal. I believe she was the only person you would allow to see your true self. When she died, you were very lost.”

“I do miss her. Everyday.” I leaned my head back, “You’re right, you know. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“It is understandable, although I have to admit that I was surprised by your choice. All this time I thought Shindou-san was the one,” he smiled at me.

Shrugging I said, “Perhaps at one time, but Shuichi is unattainable for me.”

“Nakamura and I… we could change that for you,” Tony said matter-of-factly.

I said, “Yes, I’m sure that you could. And, while I appreciate your offer, that is not what I want. Besides, I’m not really sure what I feel for Shuichi anymore. I’m not even sure I was ever in love with him. I think that maybe Shuichi simply opened my eyes to what I was missing in life.”

Nodding Tony said, “Love can be very confusing. Sometimes what you think is love is not really love at all. And sometimes what you thought was only friendship becomes the deepest love.”

“Why, Tony, how very poetic. It seems that you have unfathomed depth to you!” I shook my head, “But I have to confess that not being in love is what I do best. Whatever I’m feeling right now seems too difficult to navigate through. I feel as if I am drowning.”

Tony looked at me closely, “So, how long do you intend to sit out here brooding, Kyosuke-kun?”

“Kyosuke-kun? I think the last time you called me that was when Lee died.”

“That was the last time you brooded,” he answered succinctly.

Smiling softly, I finally answered him, “I just can’t face what’s in the house yet. Or not in the house.”

“They are both in there and they are waiting for you,” Tony reported. “Nakano-san is… angry and wounded. Fujisaki-san is consoling him.”

“Ugh,” I banged my forehead on the steering wheel. “I don’t know if I’m cut out for a relationship, Tony.”

The big man laughed, “Well, it is too late now, you are already in one. And a very complicated relationship it will be if you continue on the path you are currently on. Are you seriously considering two lovers? You never could do anything halfway, Kyosuke-kun.”

I groaned, “That’s what happens when you let your dick make decisions for you.”

“Oh, I do not know about that, Kyosuke-kun,” Tony smiled at me. “I think your heart decided this one, at least for Nakano-san. It is too soon for the other one, I think. Maybe you have made things more complicated than they needed to be by adding him in so soon.”

Giving my bodyguard a sidelong glance, I said, “Yeah. I did. I should have never allowed that.”

“On the other hand,” Tony smiled wider, “I am not certain you had much of a choice in the matter. I believe they seduced you, did they not?”

“Well, yeah…” I answered my mind sorting through his words. I could feel the beginnings of a smile as I thought about that night. “Hey, yeah they did seduce me. I was the one trying to be reasonable… if you can believe that. But how could I have possibly said ‘no’ to that lovely feast?”

“Good. I see that your brooding has already lessened. Now, you had better go talk to them,” Tony patted me on the shoulder with a grin. “They have been waiting a long time for you.”

I nodded, feeling better, “Thanks, Tony. You always manage to get me on the right track again.”

“One does what one can, Kyosuke-kun,” he nodded as he opened the door and exited the car.

Sitting in my car for a few moments more, I tried to center and calm my breathing. They were still in the house; at least I had that reassurance. Opening the car door and stepping out, I inhaled the morning air as I walked the few steps and entered my flat. The house was quiet and dark, the only light was coming from underneath my bedroom door.

I opened the door quietly and found the two of them entwined on my bed. Suguru was awake and sitting up, his back against the headboard. In his lap was Hiroshi’s sleeping and tear-stained face. I felt my heart constrict with the confirmation of my worst fear. I had hurt Hiroshi.

Suguru’s brown eyes looked at me from behind his glasses with concern and relief as he stroked Hiroshi’s long hair. “I was beginning to worry about you. Are you okay? Your cheek is so swollen, it looks like Watanabe-san really got you.”

“It’s nothing,” I shrugged as I slid onto the bed, crossing my legs and sitting perpendicular to Suguru, so that one of my knees touched his thigh. This also brought Hiroshi’s head within easy reach for me and I rubbed my thumb gently across the tear tracks on his face. “I’m sorry for making you worry,” I said solemnly as I grasped and squeezed Suguru’s hand. I should have checked on them sooner instead of wallowing in my own self-pity, “Are you both okay? You’re not hurt are you?”

Suguru shook his head, “No, we’re both physically uninjured. Hiroshi threw quite a temper tantrum earlier and has been acting like a pussy, but other than that, we are okay. A few bruises and scrapes are all.” And then he tipped his head to one side, “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

“I didn’t know if you’d want that,” I said slowly.

Smiling, the keyboardist said, “And why wouldn’t I?”

“Because,” I looked up from Hiroshi’s beautiful face and into Suguru’s gentle eyes, “you hardly know me, Suguru. You don’t know what kind of man I am, what I’m capable of.”

“I know quite a bit about you, actually. You are family after all,” Suguru squeezed my hand. “I know all about your father and our neighbors next door. I know that you love music and that you love Hiroshi. What else would I need to know?”

“Suguru,” I felt the need to give him something more solid. “I don’t know what will happen between the three of us. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I know that I like you, and I’m definitely attracted to you, but I really don’t know you well enough to give you anymore reassurance than that.”

“Have I asked for anything more than what I’ve been given? I don’t think that I have,” he sighed. “It’s no secret that I’m in love with Hiroshi, everyone knows that. I know that I admire you and your talent and I’ve watched you with interest for a long time, but I also do not know if that is enough. So, why don’t we just relax about it?”

I had to chuckle as I said, “Have I just stepped into an alternate universe? A universe in which the previously uptight Suguru tells the charming and irresistible Kyosuke to relax?”

He laughed softly in return, “Your ego is extraordinary, Kyosuke.”

Good lord, his eyes were gorgeous. Even with those silly, useless glasses on, they were a deep brown, almost black and shining like dark, melted chocolate. I removed his glasses and set them on the nightstand, “You don’t need these, why do you wear them?”

“To differentiate myself from my band members,” he said seriously.

I blinked at him. That sounded like something I would say. “Well, I think it’s a shame to hide your beautiful eyes.”

“Are you certain my glasses hide my eyes? Or do they serve to draw your attention?” He tipped his head with curiosity.

“Ooh, you are a clever, clever boy,” I smiled softly at him.

He smiled at me, “Now, kiss me. I’d kiss you, but if I move, I’ll disturb Mister Poor-Pitiful Me.”

I leaned forward and kissed him deeply, feeling Suguru’s surprising warmth and tenderness soothe my aching heart and dissolve away some of my fears. I sighed after the kiss was broken and cupped his cheek, “I’m so sorry, Suguru.”

“Sorry? Why?” Suguru asked as he blinked his eyes.

“For not telling you about Yuki-san and Shuichi,” My eyes looked away.

“Kyosuke, it’s okay. I’m sure you had your reasons,” Suguru smiled as he ran his fingers through my hair. “I love your hair. It’s shorter than Hiroshi’s, but it’s thicker and coarser. And I really like that you changed the blond streak to bright red.” He pulled me close and I leaned forward so that I could hug him tightly in return.

“You know, I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you,” I sighed into Suguru’s neck. “But Yuki-san…”

Suguru nodded and said, “Yes, I know, Yuki-san didn’t trust me. That’s quite understandable on his part, you know; I have been feeding Tohma information.”

“Yeah, I know you have,” I answered quietly.

“You knew?” he sputtered at me.

“Of course,” I pulled back and smiled at him. “Are you surprised? You said you knew about my ‘neighbors’. Do you think anything even mildly connected with this house escapes their notice?”

His eyes darkened and his voice dropped low, “So, were you using me as well?”

“Suguru, what could I possibly have to gain by using you?” I pushed the hair out of his eyes.

“Because Tohma… was,” his eyes would no longer meet mine.

“Not everyone is like Tohma, Suguru. I may have my questionable moments, but I am very different from Tohma,” I tipped his chin up with my index finger. “Haven’t you noticed?”

“I know that you’re different, but there are times when I feel as if I am nothing more than pawn on a chessboard. Tohma is so smooth with his manipulations, sometimes I become a little paranoid that everyone is like that,” he sighed.

“I think that maybe you have taken the brunt of our cousin’s machinations for far more than your share of the time,” I said as I brushed my hand through his hair again. “Tohma is quite adept at using people and sometimes he doesn’t have sense enough to know when to quit.

“Like tonight for example,” he said as he leaned into my touch. “You know, most of what I told him was about Shuichi, about how he was holding up. And if you and Shuichi… Well, he would occasionally ask about you, too. But … right from the start, I refused to tell him anything about you and I think it made him angry.”

“So, that’s probably one of the reasons he was furious with me,” I stroked Suguru’s cheek and smiled, trying to calm his fear. “Tohma’s insanity at the club makes a little more sense now. He feels that somehow I interfered with one of his informers. He probably thought of this as nothing more than a game, he always was ridiculously competitive about everything, not simply music.”

“I’m sorry, Kyosuke. I should have told you earlier. Maybe we could have avoided what happened tonight.” Suguru looked at me with open, unguarded sorrow.

Shaking my head I said, “I seriously doubt that. No, Tohma would have just figured out some other way to mess with me. He’s been angry since I first mentioned my interest in corrupting you.”

Suguru scoffed, “Corrupting me? You think that you’re corrupting me?”

“You bet,” I grinned. “And don’t blow the fantasy for me, okay?”

He gave me a sidelong look, “You’re a freak. You know that, don’t you, Kyosuke?”

“Of course,” I nodded.

After a moment, Suguru asked with trepidation, “Do you think Tohma will tell my parents about us?”

I shrugged, “Maybe. Our cousin feels rather protective of you, in his own bizarre way.”

“My parents…” he groaned. “They are really not going to like this.”

“Take it from me, parents are made to be disappointed and shocked,” I grinned at him.

“No, you don’t understand, Kyosuke. My parents aren’t like yours; they expect certain things from me. A proper wife, an heir and no tabloid headlines. You and Hiroshi,” he shook his head and chuckled wryly, “you definitely don’t fit into the plans they had for me. My mother will freak.”

So that was it, no wonder this poor kid was so guarded and uptight. Suguru’s mother was a very strong woman. She could not help but be so, she had been born a Seguchi and that made it probable that she had specific plans for her only son. I doubted that Suguru’s wants and desires had ever even crossed her mind. He had probably spent most of his life trying to avoid any confrontations with the woman. I know I would have.

I smiled again, “Don’t worry, they’ll come around. Probably. Eventually. They’ll get over it. That is, if they don’t kill me first. Either way, we have about six months to think of something before we have to face them.”

“You always do your best to put a positive spin on everything, don’t you?” He asked.

“Well, I do manage a pop band. It comes in handy if you can look at the positives,” I smiled. “Otherwise you become like Sakano-san. One step away from a heart attack at all times.”

He chuckled for a moment and then grew quiet. Finally he broke the silence when he said, “Thank you, Kyosuke.”

“For what?” I kissed him, trying to ease his obvious distress.

“For letting me be here and apart of this, whatever we are. Even if it doesn’t last, I’m really glad this happened. The two of you are so amazing yet so different. Hiroshi is steadfast and calm whereas you are confident and wild. I was hoping that being with the two of you might help me find my own strengths and weaknesses. For so long now, I’ve seemed to only stand in other people’s shadows.”

I was startled by Suguru’s vulnerability to me, could it be that his mask was slipping? I had never seen him so openly honest with his feelings before. “Well, to be truthful, I’m not certain how much of a help I’ll be to you in your quest for your strengths and weaknesses, but you are welcome to stay here for as long as you are comfortable.”

“That’s all I’m asking for,” he looked at me with such hope.

Then suddenly I realized that Suguru was desperate for this relationship. Hadn’t anyone ever given this poor boy the attention he so deserved? He was literally starving for it. Suguru had thousands of admirers that would do anything for him, why hadn’t he been able to find anyone to love him? I looked down at Hiroshi’s sleeping face and the pieces fell into place. Suguru had never found anyone to love him because the only person he had ever wanted was Hiroshi. Did Hiroshi understand that? Did I? Our actions could have very detrimental and long lasting effects on Suguru if we were not very careful.

Tricky. This was very tricky and very complicated.

I hugged my lover one more time because that’s what he was to me. At least for the moment, Suguru was my lover. I could feel the tension ebb from both of us, “Well, now that we’ve got you and I settled what are we going to do about Hiroshi?”

Suguru stroked Hiroshi’s hair tenderly, “You have undone him, Kyosuke. He was furious with you earlier, going on a silly rampage about you hiding things from us and that you were cheating on us with Yuki-san.” Suguru paused for a moment as he started to chuckle, “I believe his comment was something along the lines of you wanting to add another bitch to your kennels. It was so ridiculous I started to laugh just like I am now and that made him even more furious. I’ve never seen him like this, it’s unnerving and bizarre, but unbelievably cute. He’s totally in love with you.”

Adding another bitch to my kennels? What was that all about?

Quirking my pierced eyebrow, I said, “Do you really think he’s in love with me? I know I love him, but I seem to make him kind of crazy… and I’m not sure if he wants to be with me or not. Sometimes I think I’m a bit too overwhelming for him. I’m erratic and unpredictable, I’m very certain that those particular personality traits make him uncomfortable.”

“I can see why you would feel that way. He is comfortable and calm with me, but with you, he’s fiercely jealous and wildly emotional. But there can be no doubt, he really loves you.” Suguru said with a melancholy smile.

“So… what do you think he meant about adding another bitch to my kennels?” I asked quietly.

Suguru laughed at that, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that. I can tell that it’s really bothering you.” He reached out and stroked my hair again, staring deep into my eyes, “As I told you earlier, he was acting like a pussy.”

Hiroshi’s arm moved, curling around and hugging Suguru’s leg and he said hoarsely, “I’m not a pussy, I’m moody. You should know that by now, Suguru. After all, you are always the one I have gone to when I needed someone to hold my hand.”

Well… this was new. Hiroshi had sought out Suguru’s help in the past? Suguru and Hiroshi had been closer than I had originally thought if that had been going on. “Hiroshi?” I began, “Are you…”

My lover sat up, his eyes blazing fire at me as he snapped at me, “I’m speaking to Suguru, right now.”

Rebuffed, I did the only thing I could do. I nodded in acquiescence.

Turning his head, he gazed at Suguru again, his eyes filled with emotion, “Suguru, I’m the one that used you, not Kyosuke. I’ve always refused to recognize how you felt about me. I tried to convince myself that I was only imagining things. It was because I denied your feelings for me that I could go to you when things went badly in my life. Like they did with both Shu and Ryu. It was always your doorstep I ended up on. Especially once Yuuji moved out of town. And you would always take me in and ask nothing in return. If I had acknowledged your feelings, then I would have had to accept the fact that I was using you.”

Suguru smiled sweetly at his band-mate, “You weren’t using me, Hiroshi. You would have done the same thing for me.”

“Would I? I’m not sure about that, Suguru. I’m not sure I could have given you so much without asking anything in return. It was totally selfless of you. I treated you so badly, clinging to you even while I denied you had feelings for me. I was so caught up in my own trip with Shuichi and then Ryu that I just never thought about what I might be doing to you.” Hiroshi sighed, “I should have apologized to you a long time ago. I’m so sorry, you deserved better than that.”

“You don’t think I got something out of it?” Suguru smiled again. “You think I was being totally selfless? You should listen to Shuichi more often, I think he’s got my personality pegged a little closer. According to him, I’m calculating and untrustworthy, right? I was able to have you all to myself in my home, just you and me. Not to mention that there was always the possibility that I’d just happen to walk in on you while you were in the shower.” Suguru laughed, “Still think I was totally selfless?”

I had to put my hand over my mouth to hide my smile. The two of them were adorable together.

Hiroshi leaned closer to his band-mate, “I don’t ever want to lose you, Suguru. You are far too important to me to lose.”

“Hiroshi, you won’t lose me. Just because you have found Kyosuke doesn’t mean you’ll lose me. We’ve already had this particular discussion dozens of times. Right now you need to speak to Kyosuke, okay?” Suguru said gently. “He’s the one that needs your immediate attention.”

Nodding, Hiroshi said, “I think Kyosuke and I should have our conversation in another room, okay Suguru?”

“Uh, sure,” he stammered. “But Hiroshi?”

“Yes?”

“Try to be careful with what you say while you are still so angry,” Suguru cautioned.

Hiroshi nodded again as he stood up and grabbed my wrist, “Come on, Kyosuke.”

I followed him submissively into the living room, although to tell the truth, I could feel the unaccustomed burn of anger as it started to build inside of me. Another bitch to the kennel? I was still fuming over that comment. Suguru was right, Hiroshi was acting like a pussy and I had had just about enough of it.

Crossing my arms I glared at him, waiting for him to begin and feeling the full force of my anger now.

“I don’t think I can be with you,” Hiroshi said quietly.

Nodding, I embraced my fury as I answered calmly, “Did you think I would beg you to stay? Hardly. If that’s what you want, you know where the door is.”

“What?” He hissed at me. “You said you loved me!”

“I do love you,” I looked into his storm-colored eyes and saw the uncertainty there. Was he scared? “But I will not allow you to bully me, either. What’s going on with you, Hiroshi? What’s the real reason behind your anger?”

“Look,” he looked away, “I know that Yuki-san is a pain in the ass, but you can’t hide things from me. It really pisses me off. Besides, this was also about Shuichi. Suguru and I both had a right to know what was going on there. You need to trust me, Kyosuke.”

“I do trust you,” I answered hotly. “But I made a promise to Yuki-san.”

Hiroshi rolled his eyes, “I don’t give a fuck what you promised, Kyosuke. I’m the one that matters and you have to let me in.”

There was some emotion deep inside of him that was taking root, serving to terrify him. I could see it in the way he held himself, the look in his eyes. Was he afraid? I wasn’t certain what was driving his fear, but I had a very good idea.

“Hiroshi, I think that maybe it’s you who has some trust issues right now,” I said, my anger dissipating slightly.

“What are you talking about?” he snarled.

“I’m not Sakuma, you know. Or Shuichi. You can’t…”

“SHUT UP!” he shouted at me.

Hmm, it certainly appeared as it I had touched a raw nerve in him. So, it was true, my kinky, mild-mannered love was afraid. Well, that made two of us, didn’t it? “Hiroshi, we need to talk about this. Calmly.”

“Fuck your calm, Kyosuke! I don’t need anyone else to lie to me, okay? If you don’t really love me, don’t say that you do!”

“Lie to you?” I hissed at him, my anger blossoming to life again. “Is that what’s going on? You think I’m lying to you when I tell you I love you?”

He collapsed onto the couch and exhaled, “Yes. I do.”

My rage blinded me as I grabbed his arms and pulled him to his feet so I could look him in the eyes, “Why would you say something so cruel to me? Why?”

“Let go,” he growled at me as he attempted to free himself from my grasp. “It’s Shuichi you love! Not me!”

He pushed me hard enough that I stumbled backwards and slammed into the wall.

I’d had enough of his silly behavior and I tried to grab him again and hold him still. He, however, was not in a mood to be subdued and we ended up struggling with one another, each of us trying to gain the upper hand until we finally tumbled unceremoniously and with a resounding crash onto the floor. Taking advantage of his surprise, I pinned his hands above his head and sat on his hips, holding him in place as best I could.

“Now, what the hell is going on with you?” I shouted at him. I had definitely lost my temper with him.

“I’ve heard the stories about you…” he panted, his eyes still clouded with anger and fear. “About how you go through lovers like water. I know that I am nothing more than your latest conquest; I don’t mean anything to you. And then yesterday… ” he trailed off.

“What about yesterday?” I snapped at him.

“While you were out running around with Yuki, a man by the name of Tristan Evans came by,” he growled at me. “He said he was sorry to have missed you. Then he asked if I was your latest interest.”

“Tristan…” Oh good. It seemed that at least one of my many… exploits had caught up with me. With a vengeance. Yeah, he was furious about Tristan, but there still seemed to be more to his anger.

“He was quite pretty,” Hiroshi spat with vehemence.

“Hiroshi, it’s not like that, Tristan was nothing. It’s you who I love you. Haven’t you figured out that those words are not something I toss around lightly?” I tried to convince him.

“Bullshit, you told Shu you loved him. Just like Shu told me he loved me. And Ryu. No one ever means it.” His voice cracked just slightly.

So this was the root of his fear. It stemmed from his relationships with Shuichi and Ryuichi. Those two were so off-kilter themselves, what kind of damage could their own insecurities and idiosyncrasies have done to poor Hiroshi? And then add an ex-lover of mine into the mix… no wonder Hiroshi was scared.

Releasing his wrists I said quietly, “Hiroshi? Will you tell me what happened with Shu? Or Ryuichi?”

He shook his head.

I slid off of him so that I sat on the floor next to him, “Hiroshi? Come on.”

The second I had moved off of him he curled in on himself and away from me.

“Shuichi used to take a shower after they made love,” Suguru’s quiet voice finally answered from the doorway. “And he would cry in the shower. Hiroshi told me that Shuichi used to come out of the shower, his skin raw and red, nearly bloody from scrubbing so hard.”

“Trying to cleanse himself from the taint of me,” Hiroshi’s voice broke again.

I swallowed hard at the sound of my lover’s tortured voice. I felt physically sick from his words.

“He also told me…” Suguru looked at Hiroshi’s curled up form. “Hiroshi, he needs to know this, okay?”

I looked from Suguru’s concerned brown eyes, to Hiroshi’s tormented and motionless frame. I didn’t dare touch him yet, I wasn’t sure he would let me.

“He also told me that Shuichi would cry for Yuki-san in his sleep.” Suguru exhaled and said, “To top it off, I personally witnessed Shuichi’s confusing behavior as he would vacillate from shamelessly teasing and tempting Hiroshi on stage to cold and cruel, vicious even, once we were off stage. It was horrible to watch.”

Well, that explained a lot of things. Shu had treated Hiroshi very badly. When you take into consideration that Hiroshi had been in love with Shuichi, how awful had that been? To have your lover consider your touch to be vile? I’d had my share of lovers over the years, but I had never had one that was disgusted by my touch. Well, other than Shuichi, that is, but that had only been once. My heart hurt from the pain Hiroshi must have endured. Not to mention that Hiroshi’s break up from cold and cruel Shuichi led him directly into the arms of an off-his-medication Sakuma. That couldn’t have been healthy for my lover, either.

I reached out and touched Hiroshi’s hair, he flinched slightly but let me touch him. I looked up at Suguru, “What about Sakuma?”

The keyboardist shook his head, indicating that either he didn’t know, or that he wasn’t comfortable telling that part of the story. So whatever bizarre things the crazy singer had put my lover through were still unknown to me. I shuddered with the thought of the terrible things Sakuma might have done to Hiroshi. I’d seen Tohma struggle with Sakuma when the singer had arbitrarily decided that he “no longer needed” his medication. If Sakuma was a handful for Tohma, what had my lover gone through? Whatever he experienced with Nittle Grasper’s singer was certain to have its own lingering repercussions. I had been worried about what we might do to Suguru, but really, it was Hiroshi who was already so damaged, Hiroshi that needed immediate consideration.

“Oh, Hiroshi,” I said quietly as I pulled his pliant body up far enough so that he was sitting and I could hold him close. “Why didn’t you tell me what Shuichi put you through?”

“Because it’s Shu, and you love Shu,” he sighed as he stiffly allowed me to hold him.

“I do love him, but not like I did. And to be completely honest, I have serious doubts if I ever loved him the way I thought I did,” I answered calmly.

Hiroshi looked at me skeptically, “Is that true?”

I nodded, “Yeah, getting used by him in Tokyo was very much the telling of my feelings. Pushing me down and jumping on me like that? It was as if he didn’t even register who it was he impaled himself on. I’m pretty sure I could have been anyone for all he cared at that moment in time. It was completely out of his need for revenge against Yuki and he used me like… I don’t know, some sex toy. And then afterwards? Hitting me so hard he knocked me out? If I had really loved him, I’m certain I would have been far more devastated by his actions than I was. Most of what I felt was pure embarrassment, not sorrow.”

Hiroshi caught his breath, “Shuichi… let you have him?”

“You were there shortly afterwards, as I recall. Making sure to rub salt in my wounds.” I said curtly.

“No. Kyosuke, this is important,” Hiroshi grabbed my head so that I faced him as his eyes delved into mine. “Did he let you… penetrate him?”

I shrugged, “Well, yeah. Although I wouldn’t say he let me, it was more as if he took it from me. It was almost more of an act of violence on his part.” I said as I noticed both of them were giving me a wide-eyed stare, “What’s the big deal?”

Hiroshi and Suguru’s eyes met and Hiroshi said, “As far as I know, you are the only one other than Yuki that he has allowed to do that.”

“What? You’re kidding, right?” I sputtered as I processed Hiroshi’s words. “No wonder Yuki-san was so incensed with me. And still is. Huh. So, I guess that is confirmation, Shuichi was just using me to get even with Yuki. No wonder it felt so weird and empty.”

“What do you think, Hiroshi?” Suguru asked as he sat down and joined us on the floor.

“Poor Shuichi,” Hiroshi said softly.

“Poor Shuichi?” I scoffed, “What about poor Kyosuke and his concussion? Not to mention the irritation of waking up naked to Tohma’s smirking smile.”

“How desperate was he to do something like that to you?” Hiroshi asked. “I believe Shuichi really loved you at one time, Kyosuke. Why would he hurt you like that? He must have been absolutely out of his mind.”

“Of course he was out of his mind. His lover had just tried to kill him,” I said gravely.

“Poor Shuichi,” Hiroshi said again.

“Well, I agree that he did not deserve that kind of treatment, not from his lover or from me.” I sighed, remembering that terrible day. “I was out of my mind as well to let him seduce me like that. Clearly, I didn’t make the right decision that day.”

“Why can’t you allow yourself some leeway in this matter, Kyosuke?” Suguru said quietly as he reached over and gently touched my stomach directly over the deep scar that marked me there. “I’m sure that incident brought up horrible feelings and memories for you.”

I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand to my lips wondering if Hiroshi had told him about Lee or if he had heard the story from Tohma. I kissed his palm and said, “Let’s not go there, okay?”

“Why not?” Hiroshi’s silver-gray eyes were serious with concern for me. “That day must have been nearly as traumatic for you as it was for Shuichi. Why can’t you just admit that for a few moments you were vulnerable and not in complete control of yourself? It is understandable, Kyosuke.”

“I… really don’t like talking about that.” I sighed. “It’s best to not dwell on it.”

“Is it because you are afraid of the pain of remembering?” Suguru asked.

My throat constricted as the sorrow I hold tightly tried to break loose and flourish inside me along with my memories of Lee. The pain and guilt overwhelmed me as I remember that it was only by a cruel twist of fate that I still lived. And in order for me to live, my lover had to die. “Yes,” I finally said, forcing the words out of my throat. “Because after all this time, it still hurts.”

Hiroshi nodded and hugged me, “That pain must really get to you sometimes, you try so hard to keep it deeply buried.”

“It does get to me sometimes,” I nodded trying furiously to blink my tears away as I realized for the first time since my mother’s death that I was no longer alone. “Sometimes I feel as if I will suffocate from it. Mother was the only one I could… talk to about it…” I couldn’t say anything else for a moment, but I did feel Suguru stroking my hair as he soothed my pain along with Hiroshi’s tight, comforting embrace.

And in the comfort of my lover’s arms, I surrendered to the pain and let myself remember that dark day so long ago. And I told them everything. I told them about waking in a hospital room, Tony sitting next to me, his eyes full of sorrow. It was Tony that gave me the news about Lee with his soft, gentle voice. Later, when I had recovered somewhat, he also gave me the gruesome details, explaining to me with as much kindness as he could that the only reason I lived was because Lee’s body had shielded mine from certain death.

After I finished and several moments of silence past, I found my calm again and complained, “See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about this. It’s way too heavy.”

They both laughed softly as they released me.

“Thank you for telling me, I’ve heard the story, of course, but not directly from you. I can’t imagine how horrible that must have been for a 17 year-old Kyosuke.” Hiroshi brushed at my tears, carefully avoiding my bruised cheek, “Not to mention, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before.”

“You won’t see it often,” I grumbled as I scrubbed at my face. “I really hate to do it.”

“But now we both know you better,” Suguru said quietly and then he hugged me. “I’m really sorry about Lee and your mother, Kyosuke.”

I nodded, acknowledging his kind words, but I couldn’t take speaking of Lee anymore so I changed the subject, “Hiroshi, what about your feelings for Shuichi? It seems that you still love him, as well, despite his harsh treatment of you.”

“Yes, I still love him, I guess,” he sighed as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Shu was so hurt and angry with himself right after you left, he was convinced that he would be alone for the rest of his life. I just wanted to help him. But, all it did was hurt him more and I ended up hurt as well. I don’t want that to happen again.”

“Hiroshi,” I said quietly. It was an emotional day for all of us. “It’s important for me to know what scares you. Isn’t that correct, Suguru?”

Suguru answered, “Yes, it is. So, to further this line of conversation, maybe, Kyosuke, you should explain who Tristan Evans is to you?”

“Did you meet him, too?” I asked Suguru.

“No, but Hiroshi says he’s quite charming.” Smiling he said, “Is he one of your past… bitches?”

I groaned, “Oh, Suguru, not you, too?”

“Kyosuke,” Hiroshi snapped at me. “Quit evading the question.”

“He is…” I shrugged. “Someone I’ve spent some time with in the past. I usually meet up with him when we are both in town. But that was before you, Hiroshi.”

“How many of these surprises do you think we’ll have?” Hiroshi asked as he glared at me.

“Uh… I don’t know, a few?” I shrugged again.

“You are the man-whore, not Yuki-san,” Hiroshi sighed.

I didn’t like the sound of that, “Man-whore? What are you talking about?”

“Do you have a lover in every port?” Suguru asked calmly.

I didn’t get the feeling Suguru was angry, but Hiroshi… “Look, I won’t deny it; I’ve had probably more than my fair share of romantic… trysts. In the past. That’s what you need to remember here; In The Past. I didn’t feel anything for them, not like I do for you, Hiroshi.” I smiled as I hugged him again, “In fact, you were something of a surprise to me, Nakano Hiroshi.”

Releasing Hiroshi, I looked over into Suguru’s open, curious expression, “I hope that I eventually my feelings will grow into something similar for you as well, Suguru.”

He actually blushed, and I felt that strange swelling of emotion in my heart that I only felt with Hiroshi, and I could not stop myself as pulled him into a crushing hug.

“If it is meant to be, Kyosuke,” he gasped.

Sitting back I said, “Now, I have a complaint, or fear, as you wish.”

“What?” Suguru and Hiroshi said in tandem. They really were adorable together.

I turned to Hiroshi, “No more using the fear of a break up to try and intimidate me. That is a very serious thing to say, and I will not have you hold that threat over my head every time you get in a snit. Understood?”

Hiroshi nodded gravely, “Yes. I’m sorry about that. Suguru tried to warn me.”

“And no two on one tactics,” I thought about what I just said. “Wait, let me clarify that. No two on one tactics while we are arguing. If the three of us are going to be together, this is a ground rule that has to be established right now. Two on one in an argument is low and underhanded, and I will not tolerate it. Okay?” I looked at both of them and they nodded together. So cute, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling.

“Okay, that’s all I had to say,” I exhaled, there was no doubt in my mind, this threesome business was going to be very complicated from time to time. But I was confident we would figure it out.

After a moment Suguru said, “So, are you going to tell us about your adventures with Yuki-san?”

“There’s really not much to tell,” I shrugged. “He was all paranoid about Tohma and K, and freaked out about Shuichi being sick. He did insist specifically that I wouldn’t tell either one of you. Now that I know how you feel, Hiroshi, in the future I’ll be sure to indicate that I cannot agree to that kind of promise.”

“He must have been desperate to ask for your help,” Suguru smiled.

“That’s what I said!” I laughed as finally felt relief wash over me.

“Well, I hope that you made him mad, at the very least,” Hiroshi said.

“Of course I made him mad. You know I live for that,” I said as I grabbed Hiroshi’s face with both hands and kissed him soundly. “I’m really sorry, Hiroshi. I’ll let you in as best I can. It’s been a long time and I’m out of practice so try and have some patience with me.”

My lover sighed with a soft smile as he nodded his head, “You really are irritatingly spoiled, you know that don’t you?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know,” I laughed again as I reveled in the return of my self-confidence. “I know I should have told you both about Yuki-san. Can you both forgive me?”

“Well, I know a way you can make it up to us,” Suguru said with a twinkle in his brown eyes.

Hiroshi’s silver-gray eyes picked up the twinkle, “Me, too.”

And before I knew it, I was literally dragged to the bedroom. After I was stripped naked, my lovers proceeded to make me work very hard for their forgiveness. Exceedingly hard.

I roused myself about noon in order to call my band members and find out what was happening with them. The only one I could get a hold of was Tanaka and he told me that he was sure Miki and Haru were back together. At the moment there was peace in Suspended Animation.

Cynically, I wondered how long that would last.

Wandering out to the kitchen, I started some coffee and sat down a rather gingerly. My lovers had been excessively rough with me, but I guess I could forgive them. I lightly traced the still-raised bite on my neck and hissed slightly at the pain. I had several of these same marks in various areas of my body and, looking them over now, I was certain that they would all bruise nicely. Who knew Suguru had such a sadistic streak in him? All in all though, I had no complaints. In fact, I’d had a very pleasant time while I was being manhandled.

I noticed Tohma’s number was listed in my missed calls so, once I had a cup of coffee, I called him. He informed me that our tour had been pushed back two months due to Shuichi’s illness. Tohma had managed to get the delay due to the incident between Shuichi and the promoter at the dance club.

I was grateful for the news. This would give Suspended Animation the break they really needed and myself as well. I could concentrate on Hiroshi and Suguru for a little while. I was sure there would still be a lot of work to handle with the scheduling, but that was easier than actually touring.

As I talked, Suguru and Hiroshi joined me in the kitchen. When I hung up the two looked at me expectantly.

“What?” I asked.

Rolling his eyes, Hiroshi said, “How is Shu? Can we go see him?”

“Oh,” I chuckled. “Tohma said he’s doing well, but he’s very worn out. He said that Yuki-san has kicked everyone out of the room and told them not to come back. I think that means we can go see him tomorrow. Maybe you’ll want to see him on your own, Hiroshi?”

“Why?”

I shrugged, “Just a thought.” I thought the two of them really should talk. I knew that Shuichi’s time in London had been fraught with pain from his distance and uncertainly with Yuki. And then Hiroshi and I had totally ignored him. Shuichi must be feeling lonely and unloved by both Hiroshi and myself, I was sure.

“Yeah,” Hiroshi said seriously. “You’re right, Kyosuke. Shuichi and I really do need to have a long discussion.”

Suguru huffed in jealously at Hiroshi’s words.

Hmm. Suguru jealous of Shuichi? That could get complicated.

Then I told them about the delay on the tour due to Shuichi’s illness.

The room was silent for several minutes before Suguru said, “Can we stay in London?”

I turned my head to look at him, “Well, I have to stay. This is Suspended Animation’s home base and there will be all kinds of issues with the rescheduling of the tour. You will have to check with your manager, but I don’t see why not. I, for one, would love it if both of you to stayed here.”

“It would be good for Shu and Yuki to be home alone,” Hiroshi said. “They need some time to patch things up without interference from any of us. But I want to stay regardless.”

“Good,” I smiled. “Then that’s settled. Besides, the two of you can practice together here as easily as if you were home.”

“I’m glad,” Suguru said. “It will give us more time to spend together before the rigors of tour life.”

“Hah,” Hiroshi smiled. “You just like getting laid on a regular basis.”

“Well… yeah,” Suguru agreed. “Just like you do.”

Smiling at the two of them I said, “Shall we go see Shuichi in the morning then?”

Hiroshi yawned, “Tomorrow morning would be good. I’m still wiped out from yesterday.”

“I’m up for a day of lying around, myself,” I sighed.

“Let’s play video games, watch monster movies, and eat junk food all day!” Suguru said with a childlike exuberance.

I thought about lying on the couch all day, snuggled in with the two of them as we watched Godzilla alternately destroy and save Tokyo. Well, how could I argue with that?



When we got to the hospital the next day, we decided to have a somewhat childish race to see who could get to Shuichi’s room sooner. Me by the stairs, or Hiroshi and Suguru by elevator. In spite of being sore from more rough sex at the hands of my lovers, I still beat them easily.

I moved quickly down the hall and was ready to burst into the room when I heard a very distinctive moan. Hmm, it seemed as if Shu and Yuki-san were getting along a little better. I leaned up against the wall, considering if I should glance in on the two when Hiroshi and Suguru joined me.

“What are you doing?” Hiroshi asked as he and Suguru found me lurking by Shuichi’s hospital door.

“Shh,” I placed my finger to my lover’s lips and tipped my head to the door, gazing intently at Suguru who stood next to Hiroshi. “Listen.”

“Oh! Eiri, yeah,” the unmistakable sound of Bad Luck’s singer reached our ears.

“You pervert,” Hiroshi said softly with a smile as he leaned closer to the door.

Suguru was fuming, “You two…!”

I pulled Suguru into an embrace and nipped at his ear, whispering, “Mmm, come on, Suguru, lighten up. I know you would like to see what Yuki-san has to offer.”

Suguru jolted at the accusation, blushing deeply as he betrayed himself.

“Ah, so I was right, you do find Yuki-san attractive.” I breathed into his ear with a chuckle. “He is pretty hot, after all. So just listen to Shuichi and imagine…” I reached down and touched him not all that surprised to find that he was rapidly getting hard. Yeah, Suguru definitely had a thing for Yuki.

We listened as Shuichi cried out, giving his lover instructions on where to touch.

“Fuck, I want to see this,” Hiroshi growled, slipping his arms around me grinding his erection against my ass.

“Me, too,” I almost moaned with the contact. “Come on.”

Pushing the door open just a crack, I peered in. Shuichi was on his back, his eyes closed and his legs spread wide open. Yuki’s head was in-between the singer’s thighs. There was a clear side view of the two of them, but at the moment it appeared that neither could see me, so I pushed the door open wider so that my lovers could watch as well.

I was well aware of the fact that I was running a huge risk. If Yuki caught me watching… well, I could imagine what chaos might ensue.

“Yuki-san likes people to watch,” Hiroshi said to me very, very quietly as if he were reading my mind.

“How do you know?” I quirked my eyebrow at him.

Hiroshi shrugged and whispered, “I’ll tell you later.”

I was still very certain that Yuki would not want me to watch. And then again, maybe he would, to make that “Shuichi is mine” point. Either way, I was willing to face the peril. Especially now that both of my lovers were intrigued as well.

The three of us watched as Shuichi writhed and moaned, grabbing Yuki’s head and pushing his cock deep into his lover’s throat. Yuki seemed to be somewhat accomplished at this act and we watched with rapt attention as fingers, shiny with lubricant, disappeared inside the bucking form of the singer.

“Eiri… I’m gonna… I can’t… Ahh!” We watched Yuki swallow Shuichi’s cum as he held down the singer with his free hand.

Yuki raised his head and the three us pulled back our prying eyes so we could remain unseen. Although, I was almost certain he had seen us. Maybe Hiroshi was right, maybe Yuki did like to be watched.

There was more low conversation as we all looked at each other with lust-filled, guilty smiles.

“Are you sure you feel well enough to do this?”

“Yes, Eiri, for the millionth time,” Shuichi coughed quietly. “Will you please fuck me!”

There was a collective quiet groan from us in the hallway.

Hiroshi moved so that he could push the door open to peak through again. I looked over his shoulder. Yuki had turned Shuichi so that his back was to the author. I did not think that it was by pure chance that the privacy curtain now obscured Shuichi’s view of the door. Now I was certain that Yuki-san knew he was on display. I watched with further curiosity as Hiroshi grabbed Suguru and pulled his band-mate to the door so he could watch as well.

I was suddenly intrigued more so by my lovers than by the scene in the hospital room. What, exactly was Hiroshi thinking?

I looked on with amusement as Suguru caught his breath as he watched Yuki peal off his shirt. Then my lover nearly began to hyperventilate when the author unzipped his pants and pulled out his adequate erection. It seemed that Suguru had quite the fantasy life centered around Yuki, although I couldn’t see what the fuss might be about.

Hiroshi’s hands left the door and slid around Suguru’s hips, repositioning the keyboardist in front of him. Those hands also opened Suguru’s pants and slipped inside. Our lover moaned with duel sensation of being touched and watching as Yuki coated his erection with lubricant. Yuki put on quite the show for Suguru as he took his time stroking himself.

Yuki positioned himself behind the singer and slide into him. I could hear Shuichi whine about it hurting, but he didn’t sound very convincing. And then the author did something unexpected, he sat back on his haunches and pulled Shuichi along with him, so that the singer sat upright on Yuki’s lap.

Well, I had to concede that it seemed that the foul-tempered author had something of an imagination when it came to sex, as this was not a common sexual position. However, I did suspect that the position might have been more of a necessity due to Shuichi’s illness than actual creativity on Yuki’s part.

But now I could not decide who to watch, the couple in the room or my lovers. Hiroshi was taking turns stroking and cupping Suguru’s very hard cock and at the same time he worked those pants looser and further down Suguru’s sweet behind. Once Suguru’s pants were down far enough, I wondered if Hiroshi planned to screw his band-mate senseless in the hospital hallway.

Hmm, there was a very high probability of getting caught, this would be wonderfully intense. Weighing the options, I decided that both shows were worth watching and tried to divide my time accordingly. I was hopeful that I could find someone to bend over for me afterwards. Besides, someone had to be in a position to get everyone else out of trouble if the situation got complicated.

Suguru clutched the doorjamb with a white-knuckled grip, keeping himself stable. His other hand held the hospital room door open so he could continue to watch the scene before him. He was totally entranced as he watched Shuichi hiss and Yuki moan as the author slid deep inside the singer.

Groaning deeply, Suguru emitted a low animalistic sound, and I watched as he became more wanton, thrusting in time with Hiroshi’s strokes to his erection. Hiroshi’s other hand moved to cup Suguru’s ass, fingers sliding in-between his cheeks and teasing our lover’s crevice. All at once, Suguru pushed his hips back, violently with a quiet whispering moan, “Please… just like them…”

Hiroshi looked at me in slight panic and confusion. I smiled and pulled Hiroshi’s right hand out of Suguru’s pants. With my fingernail, I popped open the small bottle of lubricant I carried at all times and poured it onto Hiroshi’s fingers. Working his other hand free, Hiroshi pulled down Suguru’s pants and underwear, just far enough to give the guitarist access to his band-mate’s ass.

Suddenly, I realized that I was startled myself as I watched my lovers – they were actually going through with this! I thought for sure once they got to this point, someone would have enough sense to drag the other away to the bathroom or at least a vacant room. I looked furtively over my shoulder and relaxed as I realized the hallway was still empty. Pulling out my handkerchief, I quickly tied a makeshift gag around Suguru’s head. Suguru was so turned on I didn’t think he could stay quiet but I hoped that the gag, flimsy as it was, might help remind him.

For a moment, I considered another way to keep my lover quiet, but it would be a shame to not let Suguru enjoy the show in the hospital room. Clearly, he was quite infatuated with Yuki.

I watched Suguru as he watched Yuki, completely mesmerized by the surly man. I shifted my gaze just in time to see Hiroshi’s finger slide inside Suguru. Almost immediately I watched a second finger enter our lover as he emitted a low guttural sound. I was glad that I had gagged him because otherwise I was sure Suguru would be screaming.

Suguru was immensely turned on, apparently voyeurism was one of his kinks, at least when Yuki was involved. Suguru sighed quietly as finger number three slid into him, and he pushed back with his hips, writhing lewdly. The door wiggled with Suguru’s movements.

Hiroshi was at his limit and looked at me gratefully when I reached over and helped out by opening his very tight pants, pulling his erection free. I quickly greased him up with the lubrication and then stepped back to observe. Forget Yuki and Shu, this scene had become far more interesting to me.

Suguru however, was totally enthralled as he watched Yuki screw his band-mate without mercy. And I watched with growing, painful desire as Hiroshi gave Suguru what he wanted. Hiroshi pushed himself forcefully and roughly into Suguru, just as Yuki was doing to Shuichi. After a few strokes, Hiroshi matched the timing of his strokes to Yuki’s.

This was wild, this was surreal, and this was very hot. Moaning and groaning in the room, moaning and groaning in the hallway. Suguru was getting a show that he’d always wanted. Hiroshi was no doubt turned on by Suguru’s wanton sexuality and the fact that he was indulging in public sex. Not to mention that Yuki was getting his own jollies by having the three of us watch him.

I watched as Hiroshi’s hand closed over Suguru’s erection, pumping him in time with his thrusts, in time with Yuki’s thrusts. Until he heard Yuki’s lust filled cry, that is. That was all Suguru could take and he also came, splattering the hospital wall and moaning deeply.

Once Suguru came, Hiroshi didn’t hold himself back any longer and he gripped our lover’s sides with bruising ferocity and slammed into Suguru, deep and hard, coming himself in just a few thrusts.

I observed with keen interest as several people came within seconds of one another, shouting or groaning in pleasure and ecstasy. I was achingly hard and, as soon as Hiroshi finished with Suguru, I had every intention of dragging the wanton little whore to the nearest vacant room and having my way with him.

But then disaster struck as Suguru, through his rapture filled weakness fell forward, causing the door to fly completely open. Hiroshi, still hanging onto our lover, also fell forward, and the two of them landed in a very undignified heap, partially naked and cum-covered on the floor of Shuichi’s room.

I leaned against the wall and looked at the ceiling as I heard Shuichi start to yell. Well, another day in my life. I smiled as I gathered my courage to go and check on my lovers and to save them from Shuichi’s wrath.

As I stepped into the room, fearing the worst and trying not to laugh, I realized that I was happier than I had ever been in my life. This relationship I was in would be fraught with trials and tribulations, but I didn’t care, I was truly happy.

And now that I had finally found happiness, all I had to do was hope that Yuki didn’t kill me.


TBC


Lyrics for You Call Me a Dog by Chris Cornell

Afterward:

I know I’ve put this in for information before, but I need to clarify it a bit more:

Kyosuke’s dad and Tohma’s mom are brother and sister.
Tohma’s dad and Suguru’s mom are brother and sister.
Therefore, Kyosuke and Suguru are ‘cousins by marriage’ through the Seguchi family.

So, even though Kyosuke and Suguru are not blood cousins, they still refer to one another as cousin. Correct? Probably not, just drawing on my own family for reference.


Thanks again to everyone that has taken the time to read and review. I really appreciate it!

Des