This is the life

Questioningly Liz looked at Mary as she pulled Matt into the kitchen. “Look after him. I’ll be right back.” Mary said before pushing Matt onto a chair and running out of the kitchen.
“What’s happened?”, Liz asked Matt but didn’t get an answer. When she came a step closer, she realized what the problem was, for the fact she was a trained nurse. She shook her head. “Matt, why?”
Matt lowered his gaze.
“You’ve really done it again? Don’t you understand what you do to yourself and especially to Mello?”
When Mello’s name fell, Matt suddenly lifted his head. Mello was something or better someone he DID care about. “I… Mello… That… Oh my god, I hadn’t wanted…”

When the door opened and Matt could see Mary moving Mello in a wheel chair behind her, he turned his head, for Mello to be unable to look at his eyes. He felt incredibly bad, the good feeling he had had through the drug abruptly disappeared.
Mary brought Mello next to him and said: “So, Mail, now tell him yourself! Tell him why you don’t want to see him, or I’ll do, but we won’t lie any longer for you!”
Still Matt didn’t look at the blonde but he rolled closer to him.
“Why don’t you even talk to me?”, he asked quietly, but Matt didn’t answer.
Mello put a hand to his shoulder. “Matty, please… I do love you… and if you can’t look at my face, why…. Why for god’s sake haven’t you left me lying there? Damn, Matt, talk to me…”
“It’s not because of your face…” Matt said quite as quietly. “It isn’t for you. I…”
Mello let his hand fall. “So this is the thing… Is that all you can think of when it comes to us? That it’s your fault? Damn, Matt, if you want to break up with me, then at least come with something creative! Otherwise you maybe should’ve left me dying there!”
Mello’s voice sounded so hurt and desperate Matt no longer endured it.
After looking for an answer, he just stared right into Mello’s eyes.
And in a split second Mello realized what the redhead had done. “No…”, he whispered incredulously.
“Mello, I…”
The voice of the blonde sounded cold, as he cut Matt off. “So this is the matter.”
Then he turned around and rolled to Liz. “Bring me back to my room…”
“Mello, please, I…”, Matt said, and wanted to get up but Mary pushed him down to the chair again while Liz moved Mello out of the kitchen.
“I’ve had a lot of patience with you, Mail, and although it wasn’t easy for me, I held your back free the whole time. But then you started it again, even here in Wammy’s, and even though you promised- probably not for the first time- you’d finally stop it, this is the point you went too far. You’ll now go into your room and stay there tonight, I don’t want to see you here until morning. Tomorrow you can tell me what you decided is the most important to you, Mihael or your heroin. It’s your own decision what to do tomorrow, but now you’ll go.”

A little later Mary came to Mello in the hospital room. The blonde sat on his bed howling in rage. Mary couldn’t blame him. At the same time she felt guilty because it was partly her fault Mello was down now. She sat down next to him on the bed.
“Mihael, I… I’m sorry, I’ve acted hastily I should have… I should have told you instead…”
But Mello didn’t seem to listen to her.
“You fucking asshole!”, he sobbed, while his fingers clawed into the bed sheets. “You’ve promised to me, you’ve goddamnit promised to me…” He beat the mattress with his fists.
“Mihael, he..:”
But Mello suddenly gulped down his tears, rubbed them from his cheeks which felt so rough, pained, and said: “Leave me alone now, please. I must… I have to think about…”
Mary sighed. She’d like to undo everything again, now.
But she nodded. “Okay. But if you need me, if you want to talk, if… You can call me.”
When Mello nodded, she left the room. But Mello didn’t call her for the whole night.

The next morning Mello was woken up by a very pale looking Mary. “Mihael, Mihael, wake up…”
Mello blinked. The healing skin stretched on his face and he still felt incredible tired. Moreover, morning was just dawning. Then he noticed Mary’s frightened and desperate face. “Ma’m? What’s the matter?”
“Mihael, Mail… He ran… He ran away…”
“What?!” Mello sat on.
“I… I wanted to look for him in the morning and there… On his bed was only this letter for you…”
She handed him a sealed envelope, which he immediately opened and then read the paper with Matt’s scribbling.
Then he let the letter fall down. Now he was pale as if he’d seen a ghost. “Ma’m, help me into the wheelchair. We’ve to find him before it’s too late…” he stammered.
Mello’s helplessness scared Mary even more. In fact, she helped him into his wheelchair without saying anything. The letter fluttered to the ground while Mello rushed out of the door.

Dear Mello,
I’m sorry to have yet disappointed you again. I don’t want you to blame yourself, it’s all my own fault. I’ve never been good enough for you and I’d most probably never become. I love you, please believe me. I hope you can come over me and start a new life without me. I’ve made too many mistakes that I most certainly will do again. I’m sorry… I wish to not stand in the way of your luck ever again, do me a favour and become happy… Pick someone you meet who can make you. I hope this is the last time I hurt you.
I love you,
Matt

A/N: Do you hate me now?^^ Beta’d by xxbeyondxbirthdayxx, thank you so much^^