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Amber Horizons	By : vampmistress76 Category: Rurouni Kenshin > General Views: 5093 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Untitled

Buffybot76: Okay guys, for this chapter I just wanted to make a few things clear. I know that the Hajime Saitou in Rurouni Kenshin is based on a real life guy, and that the guy had children by his wife. I know this, but we chose not to include this here. Since this is based on the Rurouni Kenshin's Saitou, not the actual guy. And we know he has a wife in the anime, but nothing is said about children. Just wanted to let you all know before anyone goes pointing out errors or anything. Also, there are some dates that I'm not quite sure are right, just so you know I'm aware of it. Now that all of that's out of the way, enjoy the chapter and review! It's almost at an end! Yay!

Amber Horizons

- Chapter 16 -

Revelations

"It's procedure that I record the events of the crime... You understand that, don't you weasel?" Saitou explained, giving Misao a look that made her slightly uncomfortable. It was almost like he was...sorry, that he had to do this. Mentally, Misao shook that notion from her head. Of course he wasn't sorry; it was his job after all.
Misao nodded in agreement, and then she watched as Saitou dragged two chairs over to them. Misao sat in the offered chair and gathered her resolve, as well as her courage. Clearing her throat a bit nervously, Misao spoke.
"We were-" she began, but her voice cracked and she had to stop a moment to collect herself. 'Damn it.' She thought to herself viciously. 'I've got to get past this. Everybody will think I'm weak if I don't.'
"We were staking out Blue Creek, just as you'd ordered. We had been there for going on the fifth day when...." Here Misao's hands clenched the edges of her seat. "I was thinking to myself about.....things," She hesitated, not really wanting to specify what particular things she was thinking about. "and these ... things were making me angry... Koji� he, must have thought that he could use that to his advantage..." Misao paused. "I guess I lost my temper.... as usual..."
Looking up, Misao noted that Saitou wasn't writing down what she was saying at all. He was simply sitting in the chair he had set across from hers, head lowered somewhat. They were so close together that their knees were practically touching.
Clearing her throat, Misao continued, "Anyway, I got mad...and I slapped him." a shuddering breath. "I guess he flipped out because he grabbed my shoulder hard, and when I told him that he was hurting me, he caught my wrists and forced me against the wall..."
Misao continued, struggling every once in awhile as she gave a detailed account of what had occurred in the small cabin on the hill at Blue Creek. She kept her eyes diverted the entire time, not wanting to see what expression Saitou wore. At last her torture ended, as did her tale, and she waited. Sitting in silence, eyes downcast, waiting for Hajime Saitou to speak.
But he didn't.
Glancing up at the man, Misao noticed the way Saitou's body had grown tense since she had begun to give her description of the rape. Misao frowned. Not knowing what possessed her to do it, she reached out and took his hands, which were clenched into fists on his knees, gently into her smaller ones.
"Ahhh, Saitou? Is there something wrong?" Misao asked.
"Yeah.... I'm afraid there is something wrong, weasel." He looked up at her through the strands of hair that always fell into his face. His amber eyes seemed to practically glow with the malice she could see in them. Misao flinched visibly at such a hate-filled gaze, thinking it was directed at her.
She stared uneasily at the hard look his eyes had suddenly taken on. Drawing her hand from his, she made to stand--to move away--when he moved suddenly. Quicker than she'd anticipated he'd snagged her hand hard and yanked her clear off her feet, sending her tumbling into his lap.
She squeaked, falling against his chest, her legs folding in his lap as she tried not to kneel on anything sensitive. His arms wrapped around her, crushing her against him.
"S-Saitou?"
She could feel his lips against her neck, and even though he wasn't even doing anything to her except holding her, she couldn't stop the blush--or the shudder--that occurred because of his nearness. No one had ever... held her in such a way... except Koji and... Saitou. But Saitou was different. Saitou wasn't going to hurt her. She swallowed hard, trying to decide what to do when he didn't say anything. He wasn't moving. She wasn't doing anything either.
"Does it hurt?"
She barely heard him, and so turned her face to try and see him. "What?"
"Does it hurt?" He repeated, louder this time.
'Hurt?' She thought, 'did it hurt?' That was a much easier question to answer than Himura's 'Are you all right?' Yes, it did hurt. Not physically� well, not anymore. But it hurt in other ways. Her pride and honor were damaged, perhaps beyond repair, even if she tried to hide how much it had truly crushed her.
"It-it hurts," She whispered.
"You can't do it on your own." She flinched away, but his hands held her firm. "It wasn't your fault." His voice was oddly soothing in a way she'd never imagined.
But he was wrong.
"It was," She whispered brokenly. "I could... He isn't... I should've been able to defend myself! I'm not like them! I'm not a normal woman!I am oniwabanshuu! I'm not ... "
"Shhh�" He interrupted her by putting a finger to her lips, effectively cutting off her words. She looked up at him, their eyes meeting. Tear glistened green and warm molten gold. When he began to speak again, his lips caught her attention and she allowed her eyes to trail down to watch them form the words.
"Don't." He said. "Misao, don't do this to yourself."
He started to pull her closer to him, but stopped when he felt her body stiffen. She'd been doing that a lot, distancing herself. From the Battaousai as well as from him.
"Misao..." She seemed to shake her head negatively just slightly, trying to get out of his grip, but not outright struggling.
His eyes narrowed. "Stop doing this to yourself! You can't keep everything bottled up inside, and don't even think of denying it. I know you too well, weasel."
Misao closed her mouth, which had, indeed, been open in order to deny his words.
"No one expects perfection, stop trying to handle it alone. I'll help, hell; even Battousai would help if you'd give anyone half a chance. I know that this isn't easy to handle, but keeping it locked up isn't gonna help. You've got to open up in order to heal."
Misao closed her eyes in order to staunch the tears that were attempting to spill forth. Biting on a trembling bottom lip, she uttered a shuddering sigh as Saitou continued.
"I don't know what you're supposed to do. But I do know that what you are doing is wrong. Keeping it all inside will have you crumble from the inside out."
He leaned forward, their bodies pressing together and he watched and felt her tension as she forced herself not to back away from him. He reached into a desk drawer and then leaned back, away from her. He handed her a small, wrapped package.
"Take it," He ordered, his tone brusque. "Go back to the dojo now. You look like hell.
She had already dropped back onto her feet, eyeing the package in her hands when she whirled back, glaring at him. "What did you just say?!"
He chuckled. "Go home, weasel, or I'm calling Shinomori to come baby-sit you."
"Oh! You!"
"Better work on the insults while you're at it. You're not even in my league."
The outburst he expected didn't come. He met her eyes, surprised by her tentative, almost shy, smile.
"Thank you." Her voice was soft, a sweet sound. Something he'd hardly ever heard in her voice before. Before he could say anything, she had spun around and was out the door.
He looked back at the desk drawer, his thoughts drifting to the item she was now carrying away. He couldn't... He couldn't talk about it, but maybe Tokio's own words would make her understand. That parcel, it was Tokio's diary. Everything up to her final days was in it; maybe it would help her to understand how destructive she was really being to herself. He hoped. He hoped it would.

~*~*~*~*~
All the way back to the dojo, Misao had resisted the urge to open the package that Saitou had given her. From the shape and feel it was a book, she was certain. But what kind and why would Saitou give it to her? It was late when she arrived and not wanting to wake Himura, quietly made her way to her room. Once there, she slid her shoji closed and found a candle and lit it. She couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer. She had to know what it was.
Sitting the candle beside her futon, Misao sat cross-legged on her bedding and began to unwrap Saitou's gift. She had been right in her assumption; it was a book, but upon closer inspection, Misao's eyes widened drastically when she realized exactly what kind of book.
"It's a diary....it's Tokio's diary!" She tried to keep her shocked voice down.
She didn't want to be disturbed at the moment. Saitou had given her Tokio's diary for a reason. And though Misao had no claim as to knowing the workings of a mind like Saitou's, she figured he had a viable reason for wanting her to read something as personal as his deceased wife's diary.
Misao stared at the diary in her hands for an endless moment, hesitant to open it and at the same time curious about its content. Finally her resolve took hold and she moved to lay on her stomach with the diary in front of her on the futon. She reached and pulled the candle closer, its slow flickering flame lit the darkened room with an eerie glow and illuminated the words as she opened the diary to the first page. Pausing for a moment, Misao took a deep breath and began to read the first entry.
April 25, 1873
Dear Diary,
How I have long for this day to arrive. The day that I, Takagi Tokio, shall become the wife of Saitou Hajime...
Misao stopped reading, a look of sadness crossing her face. 'There is so much expectation and emotion in those two short sentences.' she thought. 'She seemed happy...it's hard to believe that someone so cheerful could be dead.'
Misao let the thought drift away and turned back to the pages. The page was filled with Tokio's hopes for the future, and how eager she was for the wedding to take place. Misao gathered that Tokio must have known Saitou for a length of time before they were wed. Absently, she flipped through a few more pages to read a later entry.
June 12, 1874
Dear Diary,
It seems that the longer I remain married to Hajime, the deeper I fall in love with him. He is beyond any doubt the tenderest and most thoughtful husband a wife could ever hope to have.
Misao's eyes widened a moment, and she took the time to reread the entry's opening lines. 'Tender? Thoughtful? Saitou?' Well.... he had been tender towards her tonight, hadn't he? He'd held her, stroked her hair in comfort and talked her through her bout of misery. It had helped far more than he would ever know, for every moment she faced this alone, she felt herself falling further and further into a state of depression. She knew it, yet could not stop it from happening. But then there he had been. Standing strong and sure, anchoring her as if she were a ship adrift in a turbulent sea, whilst a fierce hurricane raged on. Sighing to herself, Misao decided she could definitely see how Tokio had fallen in love with Hajime Saitou. She then looked back down at the battered diary and began reading once more.
Even though his work often times takes him from home for extended periods, I know that he thinks of me. Sometimes I almost believe that we have a bond of some sort, linking us together at times when we are apart. For it seems that he knows when I need him the most and he always comes home to me....
Misao smiled. 'This is so sweet.' It made her see Saitou in an entirely different light, that was for sure. Flipping through a few more pages, Misao found one entry in which the words seemed to have been written, but then marred by small round dots, as if something wet had been dropped on them, smearing the ink slightly. 'Like tears, perhaps?' Frowning, Misao paused to read.
February 22, 1876
Dear Diary,
I am utterly ashamed. How could he? Someone I trusted as a brother. Someone who had stayed in our home. Eaten at our table. He had such camaraderie with my husband that... Hajime. He didn't come. I was in trouble and he wasn't here. Where was he? I thought we had a bond, but... He wasn't here and I was.... I'm not making sense, am I? Gomen nasaii, I know I am not, but... He should have BEEN here... should have known that I needed him!
You see, dear diary.... tonight I was... dishonored. Dishonored in the most despicable way that a woman could be dishonored. I was violated by someone whom I had considered a friend. He touched me in a way that only a husband should touch a wife, and I... I could not stop him. He was much too strong. Hajime....where were you? When I needed you most, kihou, you were not there.
Misao stopped, unable to go on and wiped a tear from the corner of her misty eye. 'Could she have really been... Was it possible?' With trembling fingers, Misao turned the pages until she was at the final entry to the diary. Hesitating only briefly, she began to read....
April 25, 1876
Dear Diary,
I thought I could forget. Put it behind me and go on. I thought I had. Hajime never found out, I hid it well, and he never knew a thing. Even when I evaded his touch, which I had always craved from the moment I fell in love with him.... he never knew. To keep it hidden. To hide it away. I thought it would work, and it did.... for awhile. But now, I cannot hide it anymore, not like this. He will know. In just a few scant months, he would know everything. And then what? I would have to confess to him what had happened. How I shamed myself and him. I would be an unclean thing in his eyes then. A lowly dishonored creature. One who was too weak to keep herself from being used.
How could a husband want to even touch a wife who shall bear another man's child?
When I think back... five years ago, I realize that I was happy. I was a beautiful young bride, in love with her true love. Ready to make a home together. A family. But that is an unattainable goal now. It will not happen. I know this because.... I love my husband, and I will NOT face him in disgrace. It would kill me to see the look in his eyes when he realizes...
If he had only been there....
But he wasn't. And now... neither shall I. My beloved Hajime, I've failed you. Forgive me for what I must do to keep your honor.
Misao read the final line of the last entry once again as tears stung her eyes painfully. 'Tokio had... She had taken her life? No...it just couldn't be.' Misao thought, a shiver of dread rippling up her spine. It appeared so, the woman who had loved Saitou so completely had not been able to live with the thought that she had caused her husband such dishonor.
It was a thoroughly tragic revelation.

~*~*~*~*~
TBC�
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Amber Horizons