Nightshift

Nightshift
Untitled

This was something that he couldn’t even begin to understand.

In an attempt to even comprehend the thing that stared at him from the other side of the room, he only served to further confuse himself. Deviously, it glared at him as it leaned against the wall, the depths of its cobalt eyes showing him the insanity that matched its twisted smile.

He looked directly at it, the grinning face proof enough that something was clearly going to happen. Was he scared? He was to an extent but, in this state between being awake and asleep, he discovered that scared wasn’t exactly the right word.

While the sleepy boy attempted to come up with a word to describe his feelings, she went into motion. She moved, smoothly taking steps towards him like they really knew each other. In the darkness of his room, it was difficult to see but it wasn’t hard to see her features when she was that close.

Shinji rubbed his eyes, memories of days long since past returning as he glanced up at her.

His mother…

She appeared to be the same woman even down to the smallest details. Ageless, she looked exactly the same way she did years ago. He could vividly recall the shiny, brown hair he tugged and the way she smiled when she saw him.

However, a key part of the woman was missing. The kind, gentle smiles that he envisioned were replaced with something so disgustingly warped that no one could possibly be fooled into believing that she was the same person. The thing on the side of his bed merely bared a resemblance to her.

Now fully aware of what was happening, the exhausted pilot found himself sighing. On nights like these, he wouldn’t get any rest and the amused expression on the face of the woman guaranteed that.

Yes…

This happened before.

The first time, he was honestly terrified to the point of accepting the fact that he lost it but how could he deny that he heard it speak before? That it actually touched him before?

Regardless of how he felt, she moved even closer and his heart started to beat faster in his chest as she smiled at her prey. Shinji sat up in the bed as she crawled on top of it but, as he pressed his back against the wall, he knew already that he couldn’t escape.

“Shinji…” She whispered, close enough for her lips to brush across his cheek if she turned her head. She stamped her hand on the wall beside him, successfully trapping him right where he was.

She definitely wasn’t the person he once called mother.

In the back of his mind, he knew fully well what she was. The animalistic drive behind her eyes and the way she spoke to him was all he needed to acknowledge a possibility that he dismissed long ago.

Taking in a steady breath, Shinji bravely faced the thing that inched closer to him. Even in the dark room, he could see the burnt orange of the plug suit and the black trim but he had to squint his eyes at the chest to make out the number imprinted there.

The zero and one were there like they always were and he had proof to back up what didn’t make sense. Day in and day out, he started to believe he was crazy and accepting what was in front of him as fact would force him to also accept that he was indeed insane.

How could she be Unit 01?

In the near fatal meeting with the twelfth Angel, she was the last thing he saw before passing out. He didn’t know who or even what she was and didn’t have the slightest idea where she came from. In spite of his questions, he had no answers. Even worse, she was also the first thing he saw when he woke up.

Every day after that she followed him…

At school, she sat on his desk with the biggest smile spread across her face as he pathetically tried to do his schoolwork despite the fact that she intentionally got in his way. At NERV, her wicked laughs filled his ears as he walked the lonely halls of the complex.

She was always watching him. There was no rest, no retreat. He could somehow deal with the mental strain that came from constantly having someone over your shoulder but it was at night that it became more than just an invasion of privacy…

The sensation of something wet sliding up the side of his face derailed his train of thought. Slowly opening one eye in hopes of seeing an empty room, the pilot faced the reality in front of him as she finished licking his face.

He could tell just by looking at her face that she wanted him to scream but the fear had long since left him. Blue eyes met blue yet neither had anything to say. Of course, she had enough intelligence to realize that her actions were having less of an impact than they originally were and that it called for a change of tactics.

“You’re still shaking…” She remarked, smirking as her gloved hand went up and down the goosebumps that covered his arm, “Let’s see how quick you give in this time.”

That didn’t mean she would give up though…

She licked him again but the look in his eyes remained the same. That icy stare held nothing other than his resolve to not give her what she wanted. She matched his glare with one of his own as her hand moved closer to his boxers but he still refused to speak or even move.

Somewhat disappointed, she retracted her hand but her insane smile remained.

Her presence alone used to be enough to make him cower but, now, not even her touch made him scared but that just meant she could move on to more interesting things now…

“So you don’t like doing this anymore?” She asked sweetly, retaining the smile on her face as she tilted her head.

He narrowed his eyes, his expression obviously darkening as she posed such a question. Of course he couldn’t deny that he didn’t like the experience and certainly allowed it but… there was something that made him feel extremely uncomfortable about it afterwards.

She was the first person to ever make him feel that good but there was obviously something wrong with this. Something he never thought about in fear of realizing something he didn’t want to.

Shinji turned away from the woman in front of him, the disturbing feeling continuing to build as the likely cause nuzzled her face into his. The pilot blinked as she started to chuckle, the joyful sound becoming something much more menacing as it turned into full blown laughter.

She poked him in the forehead with her finger as she raised her head to look him in the eye, “It’s because I’m your mother, isn’t it?” The thing stated amidst its amusement.

His eyes widened, her laughter reached its peak, and something inside him started to shake. The rage she was so fond of started to flare and she wanted to see it, to feel it even but her victim could only muster a look that made her shiver with excitement.

With his hand on his face, Shinji peeked at her through his fingers in absolute hatred. Was she trying to drive him crazy? No, was he already insane? Did the last Angel finally make him snap? Was this real? Is this just a nightmare?

In any case, she was lying.

With that smile still plastered on her face, she kept poking him in the forehead, “I’ll be pleased if you called me Yui.”

She had to be lying…

This was what she waited for.

She grinned as the look in his eyes, although filled with anger, pleaded for her to go away. Needless to say, she wasn’t going anywhere. It was going to take far more than a glare and, more importantly, did he think she cared enough to offer him the relief he so desperately needed?

To her, this was just another step in his inevitable destruction.

He could beg her to stop or he could continue to silently endure but she was the one who decided what she would do and when she would do it. As she returned her hand to her side, she briefly wondered if he had any idea how much she utterly hated him. It wasn’t like she just didn’t like some things about the boy; she completely despised everything about him.

This was just a process.

Alienating him, confusing him, even hurting him. She wanted to see that hopelessness that drew her to him and she wanted to become familiar with the misery she associated with him but, more than anything, she wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be happy. After she had her fun, she would just eat him and probably the rest of them.

This was all the time she needed to know that his despair would taste so much better than the wishful thinking that belonged to her first victim. With that, an amusing idea came to her.

“Hmm,” Yui placed her hand on her chin as she looked up in thought, “How about you call me mother instead?”

The thing in front of him wasn’t even human and trying to pass itself off as someone important to him was unforgivable. He openly glared at her, the look in his eyes showing her the resentment he repressed so much. His glare contained a mix of disgust and rage on a scale so great that she wouldn’t be surprised if he hit her.

She touched the side of his face as she matched his glare with one of her own, “Well,” Yui said, extending the word as her fingertips scrolled down his check, “You can call me either one you want-“

In one swift motion, he knocked her hand away, “Never!”

“Never…” Shinji repeated, his voice taking a lower tone as he recalled how late it was, “I’m not doing that.”

“Yell some more.” She implored him; she wanted his roommates to wake up. She liked it when people openly stared at him when he messed up and talked to her in public but it would be so much better for someone that actually knew him to see or even hear such a thing.

The fact that he was the only person that could see her constantly made his life so much harder than what it was and she took pride in that but, in spite of her desire to make him so angry that he yelled, the icy glare he maintained made it evident his frank words were true.

Yui licked her lips.

This only meant she wasn’t finished breaking his will.

“Don’t you really want me to be here though?” She asked as she moved back and took a seat in front him, “I’m the only person that really knows you Shinji.”

“You’re… not a person and that’s a lie.”

She smiled at him, “Why do you sound so uncertain then?”

His defiance started to melt away. What was she talking about? He had people that knew him. He even had friends now but he could tell that she had something to say based on the look she had on her face…

“You hate them, right?” She barked out before he could even collect his thoughts, “You hate everything they make you do.”

Shinji blinked, “W-What…?”

“That’s alright though,” Yui lowered her head to be on eye level with him, “They hate you, too.”

The pilot turned away from the dark blue eyes that waited for his reaction, “I don’t believe you…” He said frankly although his resolve to ignore her was slowly ebbing away.

“She only makes you think she cares so you can follow her orders. In reality, you disgust her with how pitiful you are.”

Misato

“She misunderstands you. You admire her but she doesn’t see you as anything more than competition, the only person in her way.”

Asuka

“She is indifferent no matter how much you want her to care.”

Rei

“You call them friends but you already know they wouldn’t even deal with you if you wasn’t a-“

He slammed his fist on the wall behind him, “Stop…”

“At least he doesn’t pretend to care about-“

“Please…” Shinji interrupted her, his head hung low after her claims finally hit home.

To his surprise, she listened. He looked up with a blank expression on his face as she ran her gloved hand down his arm. Without a word she got off of his bed and slowly pulled her hand away from him before retreating to the other side of his room.

She disappeared into the shadows but his confusion remained…

It left him confused, worried that he found no way to defend neither himself nor the people he thought of as important to him but he was sure that he didn’t hate them. He couldn’t hate the people who were on his side.

The confusion he felt was leaving with her but only the questions he had to ask were what came to mind. Why couldn’t he defend himself against her accusations? He didn’t hate anyone especially the people that he believed were on his side.

But, if that was the case, why did he feel like this?

The shame he felt in surrendering to her touch was nothing compared to the knowing that her words had some truth in them. He knew everyone wasn’t eager to have him around because he was good company.

No, this had to be his imagination… The constant training and stress from fighting the Angels was finally getting to him. The woman had to be something he was making up; he just thought he was being touched. Could she be a manifestation of his fatigue?

“Shinji…”

His delusions were dismissed by the sound of her voice.

Everything that just happened was real and so was she. What he had hoped to be a mere illusion brought on by the pressure he was under was something that was actually there, something that already touched him.

The pilot slowly turned towards the other side of the room and honestly expected to see her twisted grin until he noticed she didn’t even have a slight smirk on her face.

“Good night…” She whispered, sinking into the darkness as she spoke.

~*~

Standby always made him feel uneasy.

There were times when he could recall how bad waiting was compared to the actual fight. The so called calm before the storm usually only served to make him more tense as he waited for the battle to come to him. Another thing was that it gave him time to think and, like always, he had a lot of things to think about.

“Hmm, you could die today.” Yui calmly remarked as she looked at the landscape washed in the colors of the setting sun.

Shinji, successfully managing to ignore the woman floating beside him in the LCL, grasped the butterfly controls in an attempt to concentrate. He heard Misato and Ritsuko were at the facility when it exploded but it still surprised him that his father was going to be giving orders.

It wasn’t much of a change though. The Evangelion units were staggered across the hillside so they would be in position to intercept any course the enemy would take, something Misato probably would have made them do anyway.

His heighten awareness paid off as he noticed the com-link flash on and off. Asuka was saying something before the feed from Unit 02 was cut, the desperate sound of his roommate struggling reaching his ears before the information he already knew.

“Unit 02 is silenced.”

Yui rolled her eyes as they mentioned the ejection of the entry plug was successful, “Pathetic.”

She encountered the Angel.

The pilot let out a sigh of relief but his anxiety continued to build. What should he do? What was Asuka trying to say to him? If it took her out with ease then what would happen to him?

“You’re scared…?” She smiled at him despite the fact that his attention was squarely on the display in front of them, “Can you beat it for me?” Yui asked sweetly, placing her hand on top of his on the controls.

In the light, she wasn’t nearly as scary as she seemed to be in the dark. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t at all terrifying but annoying was a word that completely summed it up, “Can you please be qui-“

The scream over the com-link shocked him and scared him far more than any Angel ever did. While Asuka was simply caught off guard, he could tell by the anguish in First Child’s scream that something terrible happened.

He took action before he realized what he was doing. Unit 01 dashed towards the downed Evangelion, the strategy they were directed to follow completely forgotten as he willed the massive machine to the girl that was still screaming.

The progressive knife was firmly in Unit 01’s hand when it arrived at the scene but Shinji had anything but a grasp on the situation. He didn’t understand… Unit 00 was crumpled up on the ground with a hand covering what was left of its shoulder.

‘How…?’ Shinji thought as the pain-filled cries of the first child died down, ‘How did the Angel get her?”

The thought that the commander was the one that ordered the arm removed never occurred as he looked up to see what he had to deal with. Unit 03 stood in the dying light of the sun; the smoky gray was so dark that it could pass for black but the gloomy color only made the bright white of its eyes stand out so much more. The stance the possessed Evangelion took was so low to the ground that the only way it could possibly move with any kind of speed depended on how fast it could crawl.

What Shinji concentrated on was not the monster than hungrily narrowed its eyes at Unit 01 or even the orders his father issued. The woman beside him was even forgotten as he took a long look at the Evangelion.

There was someone inside…

His blue eyes could make out the familiar tube that formed the entry plug. It must have tried to eject but the sticky web around it firmly kept it in place. Unit 01 lowered the vibrating knife, its arms returning to its side as Shinji couldn’t help but stare at the Angel.

“Destroy it.” Yui demanded causing Shinji’s eyes to snap towards her and then down to the hand that she still had on top of his. Her cold words represented everyone that was waiting on him to take action.

This was his job but her callous words had the opposite effect.

Orders or not, he couldn’t just kill anyone. That had to be someone that was just like him. Saving him or her should be his first priority but was it even possible?

The Angel took advantage of his inactivity. The lanky arms that belonged to Unit 03 lashed out at Unit 01 and caught the pilot by surprise. Purely by reflex, Shinji made the Evangelion step backwards to avoid the attack but another surprise was waiting for him.

Again, he was caught off guard as the arms stretched just enough to grasp what it reached for. Shinji could feel the hands squeezing his neck to the point where he could barely speak and it was then that he saw something that alarmed him enough to break free.

The blinking, red numbers indicated that he only had three minutes of power left. In his haste to get to Rei, he had completely forgotten about it. The constricting grip on his neck was forcing the life out of him as time continued to run out.

Unit 01 dropped the progressive knife and attempted to pry the hands off his neck but it was already in vain, the grip the Angel had was too tight.

The commander center was in an uproar as the enemy drove Unit 01 into the hillside. He could hardly tell who say saying what but orders wasn’t of any concern to him anymore.

He failed.

Was he too naïve to believe he could save the pilot and then find a way to take out the possessed Evangelion? The only thing Shinji knew for a fact that he wasn’t the only one going to die. Out the corner of his eye, he could see the purple marks on Yui’s neck.

“Shinji…” Gendo said slowly, carefully saying his son’s name as the situation continued to worsen, “Why don’t you fight?”

It was obvious but Shinji couldn’t answer even if he wanted to. The hands around Unit 01’s neck made sure he wouldn’t be saying anything.

“Do it!” Yui yelled before she turned towards Shinji, “We’ll die!!”

That didn’t matter. If anything, he should be glad to finally be freed from this. He was tired of fighting and he was tired of being hurt. He did everything they asked of him but he definitely was not going to kill someone even if it cost him his life.

Yui’s hand wrapped around his wrist, “They will… die if you… don’t!”

He realized that she was right. If he died then so would everyone else. He had to do it for the greater good but his will wasn’t fully behind his logic, “Go berserk… then…” Shinji coughed out the words he strained to voice.

“I don’t go… berserk.” They were close to being her last words but Yui couldn’t help but smile at his ignorance, “You… do.”

Before the Dummy Plug system could be engaged, something inside the pilot of Unit 01 snapped. He focused his complete attention on Yui, the look in his eyes flashing with pure disbelief. Upon seeing her twisted smile, he could already feel the sense of urgency tugging at his mind but it was something far more sinister than just pressure to act.

More than anything, she wished she could freeze time just so she could be able to savor the glare he gave her for a while longer. That cold look in his eyes showed her everything she wanted to see.

She was going to be the sole witness to something extraordinary.

She was the only one who ever saw him release those repressed feelings that pent up inside of him. Her insane laughter did little to quench his craving for hurt, the need to make something feel the same pain he constantly experienced.

Seconds quickly ticked away on the display, time dwindling down like sand through his hands. He blinked and the feeling of something wet splashing against his face was almost enough to rouse him but the feeling didn’t let him go.

A massive arm sailed through the air, the city becoming Unit 01’s canvas as the blood splattered across buildings and hillside alike. Unlike the chaos that filled the commander center not even seconds ago, there was an uncomfortable silence as Unit 01 tore through the Angel.

Carnage unfolded.

Limbs were broken and cast aside like rag dolls. The purple Evangelion pried open the inside of the Angel’s chest and simply pulled out whatever it could grab. It wasn’t at all satisfied with that and chose to smash open the only intact piece left of what was deemed the thirteenth Angel. The head was ripped from the spinal column and Unit 01 used all its might to drive it into the concrete below. It nearly combusted on impact, the asphalt that made up the road breaking into pieces along with the sidewalk. The scene was covered in splatters of crimson that glistened in what remained of the sunlight.

Unit 01 roared as it drove its fists into the bloody mess that remained. As their last line of defense continued to pound its fists into the ground, only one person could manage to find his voice.

“The… The target is silenced.”

~*~

Solitary confinement…

Anyone would shudder at the thought of being locked up in a dark room with the only source of light being from the thin, horizontal slit in the door. It wasn’t so much as scary as it was horribly silent and lonely but the occupant didn’t have to worry about any of those problems.

Shinji sat on the floor, his back to the wall opposite the door he blankly stared at. What he feared had nothing to do at all with the fact that he was imprisoned or even the thing sitting on the cot.

He murdered his friend…

What made him shiver wasn’t the cold but the fact that he could vividly recall everything he did. He could remember stomping on the entry plug with a smile, overjoyed to send anything that came from the Angel into oblivion.

“Why are you so sad?” Yui said as she stared at the pilot, “You killed it didn’t you? You protected your friends.”

He ignored her again, his apathy replaced by a feeling of lost so extreme that he couldn’t even put forth the effort to make her leave him alone.

“I see…” She got off of the cot and walked over to him, “It’s because they know that you did it?”

Again, her words didn’t get any rise out of him but she already knew that she was correct. The reason he was locked in here was because they finally found out the secret even the pilot had no knowledge of. Those bitter, repressed feelings were what ripped apart anything that dared challenge him.

It was Shinji that went berserk and now he knew, everyone knew.

Instead of praising their savior, they threw him in a room because he was a security risk despite the fact that he long since regained his senses after stepping out of Unit 01. The meek schoolboy that everyone thought was harmless had a bloodlust greater than she did. The stunned expression everyone had when he got out of the entry plug was priceless but what really brought a smile to her face was something far more amusing than him being avoided by his coworkers.

At this very moment, Shinji Ikari was virtually glass and she had him in the middle of her palm. Depending on what she said or did she could break him.

The best part about it was that she didn’t have to do anything. The Angel attack, getting a chance to see him go berserk, and the fact that everyone in the complex knew the truth all set up the perfect stage for his demise.

“At least they let you change clothes.” She said as she sat down next to him.

No response.

“I told you they hated you…” Yui muttered as he kept looking ahead. For a second she honestly started to wonder if he was just out of it or if he actually couldn’t see her anymore but his reply let her know that he heard what she said.

“I know…” Shinji whispered, his eyes locked on the slit in the door as he spoke, “I know none of them liked me.”

“It’s true.” The pilot held his hand up in front of his face, his voice quivering as he continued. “I always knew that they couldn’t stand me. The way I acted… All my stupid mistakes… If I wasn’t a pilot no one would care. If I wasn’t useful to them then they’d throw me away.”

This was it.

This was his limit.

The way he was shaking as he spoke, the glassy look in his eyes… No more was he glass. He was something even more fragile, something far more delicate. Breaking his ego? All she had to do was whisper something he didn’t want to hear and the person known as Shinji Ikari would shatter into so many pieces that no one would be able to put him together again.

Her touch was something that once disgusted him but the hand that caressed the side of his face had no effect other than making him turn towards her, “I care…” She said softly, the simple statement powerful enough to stir feelings.

“Why…?”

“Because I-“

“No,” Shinji turned his attention back to the slit in the door, “Why do you hate me so much?”

He was still intact and he saw through her like a window. She opened her mouth to speak but found that, for once, she had nothing to say. How could he possibly know or even comprehend how she felt?

“You’ll never hate me more than I hate myself…”

Instead of him, she was the one that was left with something broken. Her image of the boy that piloted Unit 01 cracked and she could finally see the real Shinji in front of her. The boy in front of her had no need for sugar coated words in the world he lived in.

The hand that was once on his face fell along with her misconceptions. Breaking point? This wasn’t even the beginning to how much he could endure. Since she escaped from the confines of Unit 01, she tried her best to bring him down to her level. She tried as hard as he could to crush him with facts, to show him the reality that he desperately tried to ignore but he was the one to show her that she didn’t understand anything.

She always believed that they hated and exploited each other but it was only now that she realized that he long ago accepted that it hurt to pilot and that he was going to do it anyway. He accepted that he could die for people like his father.

He accepted her and she was so short sighted all she could think about was taking his soul after she had her way with him.

The boy before her lived to pilot and willingly became a monster whereas she did the same and merely became a puppet. Where was the world she protected? Where were the people she saved?

She was just a pawn that understood its role and his words put her back in her place.

“I care... about you.” Yui repeated, leaning forward to add emphasis to her words. It was at that exact moment that he looked at her and, in rectangular block of light, he saw the red marks that were still on her neck. For the second time she held out her hand but she didn’t touch him, “Come here.”

In encompassing darkness, the only thing he could see was the side of her neck and he could barely make that out thanks to the lack of light. If this had been the day before yesterday, he wouldn’t even think about listening to her much less even sitting beside her but it was different now…

Shinji found himself motioning to move closer to her but the abrupt sound of lights shutting off stopped him. Halted, he quickly realized that instead of just being surrounded by darkness that he was now submerged in it.

Aside from the chilly temperature, a disturbing sense of feeling withdrawn started to creep into his mind. It was the same kind of feeling he felt when he piloted, that feeling that he was slowly drifting away from the world…

The arms that wrapped around him cut off his thoughts but he welcomed the feeling of being held even if it was by her. She peacefully held him close and listened to his breathing as he rested in her arms.

Without knowing it, she began to sympathize with her intended victim…

She clung to him as they sat in the shadows. It wasn’t a desperate hold or just an arm draped over his shoulder. The side of his head was nestled into her chest and she held him close, giving him just enough room to get comfortable.

Something about this was overwhelming pathetic…

Deep down, she hated him. There was no doubt that she absolutely abhorred being used. She hated being piloted by someone that lacked any of the selfishness that led to her being like this in the first place but…

A hissing sound alarmed the pilot until he realized exactly what it was. He couldn’t see but he heard it too many times before to be mistaken. He lifted his head just enough for the plug suit to fall off her shoulders.

She meant it when she said she cared.

Although her hatred was obvious, her affection was not.

She loved him as much as she hated him? Such a notion was one so inane that the entire concept was unbelievable. It was something people would dismiss as stupid but that was fine with her. She did not have a reason to be accepted by others and did not need one. She was outside of society and lost all her morals a long time ago.

Her uncovered hand made contact with the side of his neck, her fingertips trailing down to his shirt as she really touched him for the first time. She could feel his skin and the texture of his shirt but she wanted to feel more than that…

“You…”

Yui could sense his discomfort and knew the root of it, “I’m not her.” She quickly admitted before touching him again. In all honestly she forgot if she was or not but, for now, she would let go of something as annoying as a name or identity.

Even if she was… social taboos did not to apply to her anymore.

The hand she touched him with was planted on the floor as she leaned forward and kissed him. She could see his expression even in total darkness. His eyes widened in surprise and gradually closed as he accepted it. Just like he relaxed in her embrace, he relented to the kiss and she continued it.

Breaking the kiss before it could become anything more passionate, she took the time to suppress the urge to hurt him.

It didn’t need anyone to tell her that she was crazy. She was always teetering between helping him and making him struggle… She wanted to kill him yet she wanted to share these feelings with him. Unknowingly, she already reached her hands out but his touched stopped her.

Even though he couldn’t see, his hand found and landed on her shoulder.

He willingly touched her and she couldn’t begin to describe the feeling of gratitude that surged through her. They didn’t need words to convey how they felt, something as simple as contact reminded her that he was the only one who accepted her.

It snatched his wrist and quickly brought his arm to the floor, his back meeting the cold metal not long after his arm as she crawled over him. He didn’t know what she would do next and not being able to see did little to ease his uneasiness but she knew exactly what she was about to do.

Her mind was made up.

She was going to take him with her… The place she resided was devoid of the conflicting emotions that plagued him here, a place where he could always be with her.

“Do…” She paused, her soft voice a stark contrast to the darkness, “Do you want to come with me?”

“What are you talking about…?”

“I can take you away from this.”

The grip on his wrist tightened and, even in the complete darkness, he could feel her glare. What if he agreed? He would just be running away again not to mention that he had a feeling that he couldn’t shake.

She could clearly see his expression, those determined blue eyes now confused not only by her actions but also the events prior. Now, she was the only person that supported him.

“Say yes…” She whispered, her breath blowing across his face as she again closed the distance between them. That hushed voice clouded his thoughts but it served to remind him that she was the only one who was here with him.

She tangled her hand in his hair and her lips pressed against his neck. The thing that attempted to pass itself off as his mother was softly kissing him in this encompassing darkness and the only thing he could focus on was the fact that this was actually happening.

Seduced by a monster… It was something that could only lead to something sad but he responded in kind. His hand slid down her smooth, slender shoulder to her back as she once again kissed him.

He didn’t answer her question but the tongue in his mouth assured him that didn’t matter. They didn’t have to exchange words for him to understand that she was doing this for his sake but still…

Sensing that something was wrong when he retracted his hand, she broke the kiss so he could speak and he did just that.

“Touji… He died.” Shinji muttered, her attempt to soothe him obviously failing as he turned his head, “Thank you but I can’t… I can’t do this after I killed someone.”

“He’s not the first,” It said softly, the callous words making the boy under her even more uneasy, “Mistakes that happened, the people that were in the way… He’s just one of many.”

“That… That couldn’t-“

“Shinji,” She decided to remind him of a grim fact he either forgot or never realized in the first place, “I never lied to you.”

Stunned, he could only think of all the times he fell or crashed into a building. The debris that fell, the people that were hurt and possibly killed because of his lack of ability… He never thought about it until now, “How did you-“

“Shut up.”

The cell was silenced aside from the clacking of his belt hastily being unbuckled. Finishing her task as fast as possible, she forcefully pulled down his pants and reached for his underwear.

Her words had an obvious effect and she wasted no time touching him, practically enjoying every second as she pulled back the elastic band to get inside his boxers. Shinji said nothing but the way he trembled ever so slightly when she touched him there.

She licked his neck, marking him like she did every night since she came. She licked him again before sinking her teeth into his nick, biting him just hard enough for it to hurt before sucking on the sore skin. She flicked her tongue across the indentation her teeth left in his neck as she started to use her whole hand to caress the most sensitive part of his body.

“Touch me again.” She demanded, breaking the silence the called upon, “Like you did last time…”

He did.

Shinji touched her thigh that was still clad in the plug suit she partly had on. His hand slowly made its way up her inner thigh, creeping up her leg as she silently waited for it to arrive at its destination and he eventually did.

His fingertips slid across the material, pressing just hard enough at the right places.

She froze as his fingers poked between her legs allowing the slick material of the plug suit to slide into where she wanted it to be. She didn’t make a sound, her expression hidden in darkness as her line of kisses moved up his neck.

They touched each other as their lips met, kisses hungrily shared between the two as confused feelings were baptized in lust. The sound of his fingers dipping into the plug suit, the feeling of her hand sliding down his shaft, the moisture she left on his neck, the way her tongue licked the inside of his mouth…

All of it was the sound of something going wrong but, like before, the boy found that he didn’t care. In the heat of passion they kissed, pausing only to fondle each other some more.

It was ready and again broke the kiss they shared in preparation of something even better.

She tugged his boxers down and a smile adorned her face as she lowered her head and, impatiently, took him into her mouth. Surprise was there but the bare, wet feeling at the tip of his dick caused only the pleasure to register on his face.

“Ah…” His breathing picked up with her pace, her head bobbing up and down as her hand quickly jerked up and down his shaft. Her tongue traced his penis as she continued to suck on it; his shallow breathes proof of how good it felt.

The room that was once nearly void of sound was tainted with wet, messy sucking. Such a nasty sound but words couldn’t describe how good it felt. She stopped the motion with her hand and started to slowly take the head of his shaft out of her mouth. Shinji started to sit up but a hand on his chest eased him back down.

She licked her lips as she pulled down the plug suit down, this would make both of them feel good she thought as the got in position. Easily, he slid in with her help and she would take it from there.

They didn’t have anything to say to each other, no lies or promises to make. She arched her back as his length filled her, her mouth opened in a blissful scream that never came out thanks to how good it felt. She could clearly hear him though… He tried to keep those lustful moans to himself but she craved to hear him.

She knew he was close. She planted her palm firmly on the floor, her other hand touching on his face. He probably could envision on she looked now thanks to the many times they were in this position starting at each other. Could he see her face now? Could he see how much she liked this? How much she wanted it?

Shinji reached out, his hand briefly touching her face and hair. Did he condone this madness? His pity amused her but she didn’t need it. She probably was crazy, her sense of want and need warped to the point of being abstract.

His arms wrapped around her frame, her breasts pressing into his shirt as he held her.

Condone? He was embracing this insanity, openly hugging this thing that sought to plunge him into the darkness it came from. She fell backwards, allowing him to have his way with her which he certainly did.

Shinji touched her chest, his teasing touch so much unlike than the way he almost violently handled her. Quickly, he rammed himself into her and each thrust was faster and harder than the one before. Once his roaming hand found what it was searching for, the way he massaged her breast perfectly mirrored the pace he took.

There was no time for her to catch her breath but she accepted his pace, her legs locking around his waist as he continued to do what he wanted.

“Hah…” She could finally hear the throaty moans from her partner but it was lost to her thanks to the sounds coming from her own mouth. He was ravaging her, showing her the experience he gained from prior nights still stained with sin.

Their regrets kept at bay by the very act, they couldn’t stop…

His hand moved down from her chest to the floor as he gave it his all, pounding into her as hard as he could. Abruptly, the light flashed back on and covered them in a strip of red before they were eclipsed in darkness again. The bright red poured through the slot in the door but it only urged them on, finally being able to see the each other even if it was for a few seconds at a time.

The alarm that accompanied the light only meant one thing but they didn’t stop.

The sweat almost made his hands slip as he fought to reposition himself, moving even closer to her. The quick, steady thrust became slow and hard. Carefully, he forced all of his length into her time after time as they were bathed in flashes of red.

In her sex induced daze she somehow managed to realize that, sooner or later, they were coming to get him and he was already aware of that. Any second now, there were going to burst in and take him to where Unit 01 was kept.

She shivered at the thought of being caught, the excitement itself enough to make her reach the peak of pleasure she so desperately wanted. The clacking of heels set her off, her juices spilling as he finally stopped.

He shot his seed into her, the hot stickiness far more than enough to make her feel content. The sound of someone approaching was now apparent, the heels meeting the floor easily heard between the wailing of the alarm.

“Shinji…” It muttered, the light flashing at the very moment she spoke. He started at her, the sight already clear in his mind despite the fact it lasted no more than a second. She laid on the floor, her chest bare and her hair disheveled. A somewhat loopy grin on her face but her eyes…

The ocean blue eyes that were so much like his own stared directly at him. It was a look that told him that she craved so much more than what she already got, that she wasn’t at all finished.

In that instant the cell was again eclipsed in black and, when the red light came back around, she was already gone, “Come with me.” It whispered, leaving only her invitation behind as she vanished.

Sluggishly, Shinji got to his feet and pulled his pants back up. It was obvious what the alarm was for and it was only one reason for the approaching footsteps.

He buckled his belt as he waited for the door to open, the fact that he was going to fight apparent as he straighten his back and held his head up. What kind of near death experience would he have this time? He didn’t know and, frankly, he didn’t care but he knew at least one thing for sure.

The door that was once slammed shut in his face finally opened but Shinji could only look over his shoulder at the floor behind him. Just as he thought, nothing was there.

“Shinji,” Ritsuko addressed him, keeping a certain amount of distance between them as she spoke, “The comman-“

He interrupted her but he didn’t say anything. It was shocking enough that he was standing there waiting for her but there was certainly something off about him. The way he ignored her despite the fact he was looking her directly in the eye was more than enough to highlight the change in him. Instead of the usual timid boy he was, he just seemed empty.

There was no anger at being locked up in a room so long, no sorrow in spite of his friend’s death, and not even a hint of fear even though the Angel was closing in. Without a word, Shinji walked passed her without even acknowledging her presence.

The whole complex shook as the GeoFront endured an explosion, another one closely following the first but the pilot didn’t sway. He made up his mind.

He was going to Unit 01.

~*~

In this inky black, existence itself was something that couldn’t be taken for granted so the thought of anything actually being or even looking alive was akin to blasphemy. Things like feelings and thoughts were something that were lost, stripped away from anything that sunk this deep into depths best left unexplored.

“Shinji…”

Groggily, he somehow managed to remember he had a name and that alone was enough to confirm that he was actually here. In knowing that he existed, the feelings he lost were regained and his thoughts firmly established as his eyes snapped open.

The memories that were taken were snatched back, his mind rewinding to the last thing he remembered. He smiled as he recalled the pleasant feeling of being unleashed on the Angel but his small smile didn’t remain.

He was sinking... Even in his half conscious state, it was easy to tell that this place was gradually but surely taking him apart. It felt like his was losing pieces of himself, things that were important to him slowly drifting out of his reach.

Little by little, he was losing himself but something shocking occurred to him as he continued to sink, “This is what you meant by being together?” Shinji asked with a sad grin as he finally understood.

This was her.

It was okay with though. He already accepted his fate and resigned to it. If she wanted these things from him then she could have them. She could take these useless feelings that only brought him scorn and anything else she wanted.

As far as he was cornered, she was doing him a favor but the hand that appeared out of nowhere most likely belonged to a person who didn’t share his frame of mind. With a hold on his collar, he was hoisted up until he was blinded by light. Slowly, his eyes started to adjust and clearly saw that this was a different place.

There were hills of lush, green grass in every direction. Trees dotted the landscape, the shade they provided just enough for a person to enjoy a nap without having to worry about the beaming rays of the sun. He inhaled the fresh air, the scent of flowers mingling with the wind as a gentle breeze passed by.

This place was perfect. He wanted so much to crawl up to one of those trees, look up at the baby blue sky, and peacefully watch the clouds pass by until he fell asleep.

The person in front of him would have none of that as he was pulled into a hug. The heartfelt embrace so tight that he thought something would break if he was squeezed anymore. The view was so breathtaking that it was no surprise that he actually overlooked the person that saved him from his fate.

“I can tell…” The person started, “I can tell that you’re my son.”

Shinji was somewhat startled by the declaration but he wasn’t surprised to discover that she was indeed here. Despite the fact that he obviously knew who she was, there were no warm feelings. Instead of being happy to meet the person that he missed so much, he was too ashamed to even look her in the face.

What could he say?

“I’m not exactly sure how I did it but I’m sure this place exists simply because I wanted it to.” He listened to her voice, the mocking edge he grew so accustomed to now replaced with a sincere tone. Yui released her hold on him, her arms returning to her sides as she backed up and took a good look at him, “It’s amazing because even my favorite flowers are here…“

His mother casually wiped a tear that was building in the corner of her eye and sat down at the base of a tree. The burnt orange and black of her plug suit blended with the dark brown bark of the trees and the hunter green of the grass but it was the peaceful aura she maintained that made her fit into the environment so well.

She smiled as she looked off into the distance, “I always liked small talk even though people would consider it a waste of time but I know you don’t want to hear any of that.”

Shinji opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. The one time when he had so much to ask, he was speechless. His tongue was stilled not by her presence but instead the fact that she was still the same. The awkward yet tender approach to things, the peaceful atmosphere that always seemed to surround her, and the way she looked…

The cobalt eyes that scanned the landscape held the compassion that he knew, the love that he experienced but they looked upon him with sympathy as she started to speak, “I lost a lot of things to that darkness. I don’t know what I did for a living, I forgot how to write, I can’t remember how my family looked, I forgot how I got here….” She paused as she signed, “I even forgot my own child’s name and sometimes I forget that I forgot things.”

“It’s Shinji…” He muttered without thinking.

“Shinji…” The shallow smile turned into a real one as she said his name, “I like the way it sounds.”

He looked down at the grass, “W-Why are you here?”

“Ah!” Yui exclaimed, glad that he asked something that she clearly remembered, “The reason I’m here is for the sake of everyone! It sounds good when I say it like that even if I didn’t amount to much…”

She paused, both of them reflecting on what she said yet thinking of different things.

“Look at the horizon.” She pointed at the place where the green of the land and the blue of the sky were supposed to meet but his eyes landed exactly where the wanted them to. Right there on the horizon between the green and blue was the black he was already familiar with, “Even now, it’s devouring this place and eventually it’ll get me again.”

It was the same black that he was just in, the darkness she pulled him out of.

“Aren’t you scared?” Her son asked as his hesitation subsided.

“No, not at all.” She admitted, having no problem telling him everything she knew. She tilted her head and smiled at the boy, “I told you I lost a lot of things to the thing you’re looking at.”

“I guess I can say the same. Not being able to remember the place I lived or the people I knew makes me feel kind of empty…” Shinji sat down not far from his mother and, idly, started to write something in the dirt, “Only thing I’m certain about are the Angels, Unit 01, and that thing-“

“That thing was- No, that thing is me.”

Mortified, Shinji turned to face his mother who looked directly at him. It was only then that he realized that the sympathy written across her face had an obvious reason for being there.

“Inverted pieces of me I guess…” Yui sighed but kept her composure, “I don’t know if you’ll understand but it is me and it’s not at the same time.”

“Please,” Shinji unconsciously grabbed the grass under his hands, “Tell me exactly what you mean.”

“It means that I’m between being alive and dead. My soul and mind parted and I lost my body a long time ago.” Yui pointed at herself, “I’m here because I kept my sense of self but my existence has no real impact on what happens. I can only sense things like when you’re hurt or like when it left with you. The only thing I can really do is just wait for it to come and take the rest of me.”

So she and this place would eventually go. Even though he didn’t at all feel depressed, Shinji was more than aware that it was something infinitely sad with such a peaceful place being consumed by something so bleak. More importantly, the same was going to happen to her.

She brightly smiled as her fate loomed over the horizon, quietly ebbing away at her existence. His mother didn’t complain and she didn’t waste time for dealing with self pity, “You know don’t you?” Her son asked, freed of the feelings that kept him from asking in the first place.

Laughter.

A genuine sound was far more precious than their forged surroundings. In spite of the content of their conversation, the sound of her laughing lifted his spirit. Her laughs died down but, like always, her cheerful smile remained, “I know.” Yui openly admitted.

She looked up at sky, “I lost the right to tell you what to do a long time ago Shinji. I can’t even point you in the right direction but… if it even made you feel a little bit better then I’m not against it at all.“

“Mother,” Somewhat relieved, Shinji slowly stood up and looked down at her, “I’m really glad that you’re not disgusted. I honestly thought that you’d hate me, that you wouldn’t want to even talk to me.”

Yui looked him in the eyes, “I felt the same way.”

For the first time since he could remember, he honestly felt refreshed. The things that plagued him so much were forgotten and his present troubles were dismissed with her laughs but were there forgotten stains on his conscious?

“How long do you plan on standing here?”

“I don’t know but I don’t want to go back for some reason… Can’t remember why.”

Yui nodded, perfectly understanding the feeling of forgetting important things, “I think you should go back as soon as you can no matter what. I don’t know what happened but the real world has to be better than this for sure.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Shinji confessed, “I know for certain that I came here so I wouldn’t have to go back but I don’t know anymore…”

“You can’t hear it can you?” Yui got up and walked up to her son before placing her hand on his head, “All those people asking for you to return, praying for you to come back. You closed your heart Shinji… That’s why it was able to seep into you.”

“Hmm,” Yui took her hand off his head and poked him in the chest, “A better way to put it is that it slipped into… What do you call it again?” Satisfied, she smiled as she finally remembered something for once, “She got into your AT field.”

So he alienated himself, he was the one who intentionally distanced himself from others. Was the reason he went berserk was because he didn’t share those distressing feelings with someone? Was the reason he was here because he couldn’t get along with the people around him, the very people that called out to him now?

“What should I do?” Shinji asked the only person he could turn to.

Yui laughed; surprised the answer wasn’t obvious, “Respond to them.”

He closed his eyes and tried his hardest to listen to what she claimed to hear. At first, he heard nothing aside from his mother’s gentle humming but then he could hear what sounded like mumbling.

“Ikari…”

Rei whispered, clutching the rails of the cat walk as she stared at Evangelion that saved her more than once.

“That idiot… really isn’t coming back.”

Asuka muttered as she walked the halls of NERV alone.

“Please!! Give him back to me!!”

Misato pleaded in front of Unit 01 as the attempt to retrieve her charge failed.

Person by person, he picked out each individual voice out of the many that begged for his return. Maya, the technician he helped when she dropped her papers, Kaji, Fuyutsuki, the guard that always greeted him when he was on his way to the command center, Mana, his Father… Everyone…

He remembered them, each and every one of them. They were all people he considered important, people that supported him in various ways be it in the field or even something as small as saying hello. Were these the people he shunned? Were these the people he almost abandoned?

His eyes snapped open, those lifeless blue orbs filled with the resolve that urged him to protect the very people he once thought he hated. He didn’t deserve to give up especially like this… How could he when it was his fault people died? How could he give up when he had so much blood on his hands already?

There were many truths he could accept but it was clear that not going back would put everything in vain. All those tears, all that fighting, all that effort going down the drain because he was too weak to go on…

No matter how pathetic a person he was, he couldn’t let that happen…

“I think you could try going out the same way you came in.”

Shinji looked over his shoulder at his mother, her cheerful smile more than enough to remind him that he would always have her support. Alas, with the return of all his senses, it was only now that he realized how hopeless a situation she was trapped in.

He was left with the same question he had when she brought him here.

What could he say?

How could he bid her farewell knowing that it was a chance they would never see each again? How could he leave her here and abandon her when he just made up his mind to never do such a thing again? Why did it have to be like this?

A push.

He stumbled forward, almost tripping until he regained his balance.

“It’s good not to think too hard about things.” Yui lowered her hands, “They’re waiting on you Shinji.”

“Sorry…”

That bitter word was the only thing he could offer her but, of course, she accepted it with a kind nod. “Shinji,” His mother said his name carefully, trying to picture the way it was written in her mind and ultimately failing, “Leave your regrets here.”

Black erupted from beneath the vibrant green of the grass and started to pool under her son but neither were shocked or even mildly surprised. Instead, they locked eyes as a set of hands reached out of the darkness.

“No,” With an understanding smile, Shinji shook his head, “I’m taking them with me...”

The fact that neither mentioned a goodbye was enough to see how much they wanted to see each other again but this place of retreat was one that he would never have reason to visit again.

It pulled him down, her arms wrapping around his frame when his waist was finally submerged in her world. From over his shoulder, stared at Yui who stared back, “Unit 01…”

“Yui…”

It was a simple exchange both verbally and physically but the meaning behind it was so intricate. They were two sides from the same triangle, a shape that was supposed to stand with three. It felt like she was looking into a broken mirror with one of the remaining shards showing her a distorted image of herself, that crazy expression chilling her to the bone.

Her doppelganger felt the same way but their feelings about each other took second place to there feelings about the boy she carefully pulled down into her darkness. She was tightly holding on to him as they both descended, her hands clutching him to the point where it would be hard to pry her hands off.

‘Of course I know,’ Yui thought to herself as she watched her son leave her side, ‘I know how it feels about you.’

She knew that overprotective monster was one of her own creation, her maternal instincts taken and twisted till they were something completely different from what they were supposed to be.

“I’m going back.” Shinji stated as he sunk, his eyes still on the person that he was leaving behind.

It had nothing to say but she had no complaints. If he was leaving then she was coming with him. She was going to be the one he confided in, the one who would be there for him like the others weren’t.

Yui watched as they finally disappeared under the surface. The darkness that suddenly appeared in front of her slowly started to trickle back into the ground. Silently, she walked back to her favorite spot and again sat down at the base of the tree.

Indolently, she noticed that the approaching black that separated the blue and green on the horizon was gone. An offer of peace from the one thing that once attempted to consume her entire being? A trade for her son?

Not knowing the meaning of the word discontent, she laughed. She laced her fingers behind her head and laid down in the shade of the tree as she continued to giggle until she noticed something.

Another voice…

One more person praying for her return.

She closed her eyes, her concentration amplifying the voices of the two that wished that she could return. It was like music, something that soothed her no matter how it sounded. Yui opened her eyes and looked at the symbol he left in the ground for her.

“Shinji,” She said, tearing up as she stared at his name, “Good luck.”

~Fin

Author’s Note: This… This took a long time to write. ~_~

So many times I started and then started over only to realize that I didn’t like what I had already. In the process of writing this, I realized not only was there the topic of incest but also the entire concept of the story. Man, the only way I somehow managed to do it was thanks to the reviews.

To talk about the story, I changed a lot of things a lot of times. My original idea was far too shallow and the rewrites after that didn’t even really give me much hope in being able to make this into at least someone would like. Like I said before, I somehow pulled through though. ^_^

Nothing to fear though, I knew doing the chapters were going to eventually become more and more difficult as I ran into characters not often or even ever used. It’s all good though, I got more work to put in. To the next chapter for me and, seriously, thanks for even reading. ^_^

Now that I think about it, I might just do another rewrite of an earlier chapter first. ~_~