On the Street of Dreams

Chapter summary: “That’s nothing against Kazuki. He was a wonderful boy with great genes,” Aunt Shuri said in that same calm and collected voice.

***

Eiri’s Decision


Yesterday Eiri had expected to head back to his apartment after dinner and spend the entire night making sweet love to his pink haired lover. Being gone all weekend to Tokyo to do that stupid interview killed him. He thought of nothing other than his lithe god the entire time.

But unfortunately, he opened his big mouth and scared the boy away. And instead of hugging Shuichi, he ended up hugging his pillow all night.

Yes, Eiri’s beliefs were archaic and had no place in the modern world. He knew it, but he could not help the way he felt. If men had not taken a sudden evolutionary leap, the man who had given birth to Mika, Tatsuha and himself would not have abandoned them when he and Tatsuha were only babies, leaving them without a mother.

Tatsuha did not seem to have been adversely affected by the abandonment of their mother. Neither was Mika, but not everyone reacts the same way to the same situation. Eiri on the other hand was afraid. He was terrified to get close to someone. If he did and they left him, he would once again be all alone. He did not want to go through that again. It was only recently he had been able to think about actually getting involved with someone without having a panic attack and that had only been a year ago when he met Shuichi, but neutral?

He guessed his mother abandoning him and his brother and sister villainized all neutrals in his mind. He knew that. He could understand how his views could upset Shuichi, how the kid would naturally become angry at his backwards view, them butting heads, but that did not explain why Shuichi had become so downhearted and unhappy, why their date taken such a drastic and unexpected turn. It did not make any sense, unless, unless Shuichi too that out of the blue confession personally. But why?

Then he remembered that Shuichi had been trying to say something right before he opened his big mouth. Was it possible that his little lover was…? That he had been trying to find the courage to tell him…?

It was something he did not want to think about, something he was afraid even to acknowledge, but it was like trying to ignore the giant elephant in the middle of the living room. The more you try to pretend it was not there, the harder it becomes to do just that. He loved Shuichi with all his heart. The boy had become his entire world. It felt so right being with him, despite his always-present misgivings. What if, as Shuichi matured and grew up, he realized that he did not love him anymore or love him the way that Eiri loved him? What if he grew up and fell out of love with him? What if he left him? Eiri loved this kid deeply and truly and wanted him in his life, but now, now that it was possible that Shuichi was the very thing he had grown despising, what was supposed to do now?

Eiri had a lot to think about.

As he drove down the busy highway towards his family temple, he tried not to think about anything, but found it almost impossible. A certain pink haired boy kept popping into his mind, his sad, brokenhearted expression eating away at his soul

*

Since the day the doctor walked into Mrs. Shindou’s room at the hospital and dropped that disastrous bombshell, Shuichi’s life has been plagued with one setback after another. What was more; he was the biggest disappointment in his parent’s lives.

Ryuichi loved him no matter whom or what he was or was not, what he may or may not have done. Shuichi had done a lot of thinking this afternoon and he thought he could understand why Ryuichi had been so angry when he told him he was going to have a baby. How could a sixteen year old kid take care of a baby, especially when the identity of the father was unknown and so was his future? Ryuichi loved him and just wanted what was best for him. That was understandable.

His folks were a different story, though. He was not sure what was better; a mother who was in denial about everything around her or a father who ignored the fact you existed until it was convenient.

According to his mother, he was her precious baby boy, but unfortunately, that was all he was. When Mrs. Shindou remembered her son was more than that, she suddenly played Kremlin. It was like trying to get the Pope to admit that homosexuality was not a sin or that women could do just as good a job in the priesthood as men. It was never going to happen, but her refusal to see what was right in front of her was better than being ignored by his father.

Mr. Shindou, on the other hand, always treated him more as a guest than as a son, just a minor hindrance or an irritation that would soon go away. He pretended Shuichi did not exist.

It was easy for Shuichi to ignore the fact that he was just this huge disappointment for his mother and father that way. He was able to convince himself he did not need them, that as long as he found someone who loved him he would be fine, but then…

“You damn slut…Not only did you have to be born this…this freak, but now you have to go and flaunt your freakish mutation…Until you fix this problem of yours, don’t even bother to show your face in this house again.”

His fathers parting words hit Shuichi harder than he thought they would. He always knew his father hated him, but having him scream his revulsion and abhorrence in his face brought it home. Like his mother, he too had been in denial. Like an ostrich, he buried his head in the sand, intent on hiding from the truth. If he could not see it then he was safe. Out of sight. Out of mind. He did not want to face the truth. He had let his parents down. He did not want to think about how if there had been a test the doctors could have performed before he was born to check to see if he was a neutral or not, his parents would have aborted the pregnancy.

It hurt. It really hurt.

It was the same as when someone points out that you are fat. You know you need to lose a few pounds, but when it is thrown in your face, it was like an open wound that refused to heal.
Suddenly you are subconscious and paranoid, when before it had not bothered you that you did not have a stick-like figure like everyone else. You thought everybody was laughing and pointing at you behind your back. Every time someone looked at you, your mind went into overdrive. Why was he looking at you? Did you have something on your face? Did he find you disgusting and repulsive because you could stand to lose twenty pounds?

“…slut…freak…”

Those words cut deep to the bone. It felt like someone had ripped out his heart and stomped on it.

If he could just be satisfied with knowing Ryu, Tatsuha, Hiro, Fujisaki, Tohma and Noriko loved him despite the fact that he was a “freak”, it would make his life that much more easier. But he could not. It was not the same thing. Being told by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally that they want nothing more to do with you was something Shuichi did not know how to handle.

He could not even count on Eiri. Because even though he loved him, the writer did not love what he was.

Shuichi…caught sight of a man walking up to the cash register. Another man slid out of the booth to follow him and Shuichi found himself smiling as he watched the man with a beach ball under his shirt waddle across the café. Either that guy was having twins or he was just about to pop.

“Disgusting,” came a muttered sneer.

“Huh?” Shuichi turned and looked at Eiri across the table. “What is?”

Eiri jerked his head. “Them. People like them should not exist,” he scoffed.

Shuichi wished he could just curl up and die right there and then.

What was he supposed to do now?

*

Sitting at a red light, Kizou sat drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel of his Mercedes impatiently. He had a meeting with a potential new client and being late was not an option, but with this goddamn traffic, it looked like he did not have much of a choice. The light finally turned green, but the yazuka boss did not get more than a car length before he had to stop. He cursed soundly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of pink. His heart immediately started thumping.

Turning his head, Kizou smiled brightly as he caught sight of the only person who had ever captured his heart, but the smile soon slipped and turned into a frown as he watched Shuichi weave through the crowded streets of Kyoto. He did not seem to be aware of anything around him.

Concern for the kid washed over him. Shuichi did not look good at all. A wave of guilt came over him, but he squashed it aside. As much as he loved the kid, there was no way he would allow him to return. He made the right decision, for both of them.

Shuichi had no business in his world. He had too many people that cared for him. He was too talented. He was too Shuichi for the life Kizou lived. Anyway, Shuichi had a child to think about now. There was no way he was going to let the underbelly of society corrupt another innocent child. Besides, there was no way he could raise some other man’s child. It would be too painful a reminder of what he would never be able to have.

The kid turned a corner and vanished from sight.

“Good luck, kid,” he said. Traffic finally moved and he floored the gas, trying to get to his meeting sometime this century.

*

He felt himself being jostled and jolted around, but ignored the sharp pains and the angry shouts that followed him. He had no idea where he was going and frankly, he did not care.

He sniffled.

There was only one thing for Shuichi to do. If he wanted to keep the love of his life in his life, he had to make sure he never found out about the one thing that could tear them apart. If he wanted to be part of his parents lives again, there was also only one path for him to take, but thinking of that option made his heart hurt. But what else could he do? He was only sixteen years old. He obviously could not count on his parents for support and he did not want to transfer his burden to his friends and especially not to Ryuichi.

He had no other choice.

Shuichi dug in his bag for his phone. Finding it buried among all the crap, he dialed information.

With a heavy heart, he saw himself as if he were floating above his own body. He felt numb and disconnected from reality as he dialed the number he had been given. He wished he could cry, but found he had no tears to shed.

“Good afternoon, Kyoto Clinic. How may I help you?” asked an overly sweet voice over the line.

“I would like to make an appointment please,” he said. His voice did not sound like his own.

“Certainly, Sir. When is good for you?”

“As soon as possible.”

There was a pause where the singer heard the banging of keys. “We actually just had a cancellation,” the woman said. “How about today at four?”

Shuichi opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He tried again. “That’s fine.”

“Payment in full is due at the time of your appointment.”

“All right. How much will it cost,” he inquired.

“68, 000 Yen, but you will get a full refund if at any time before the procedure you change your mind.”

Licking his lips, he swallowed. “Alright. Thank you.”

“Alright. We’ll see you then.”

Saying goodbye, Shuichi flipped his phone shut and closed his eyes against the mind and heart numbing pain that enveloped him.

*

When Eiri pulled into the driveway of his father’s place, the first thing he noticed was the contingent of cars. It looked as if his father had gone into the car business. He wondered what was going on. He hoped there was not some sort of holiday, festival, or ceremony or anything going on that he had forgotten because the last thing he wanted was a confrontation with anybody right now, especially his father. He did not want to be reamed out for purposely skipping out on a “family dinner”. All he wanted to do was head into the temple, do a little praying and meditation. He could have done it from home. He wished he could have, but unfortunately, he had never set up an altar at his apartment. He told himself he would have to remember to do that first thing. He did not like the thought of coming here every time he needed some clarity in his life.

Suddenly a high-pitched siren-like laughter screeched into the air. Eiri knew immediately that his aunt Aki, his father’s spinster sister, was among the guests. He snorted and shook his head. You could always tell when she showed up. She had the most distinct laugh. Aunt Aki worked part time at a local school in Kanto where she lived with her mother, his grandmother. She was one of Eiri’s favorite relatives. She was a very amusing character, making fun of anyone and everyone. She was a riot to hang out with. It was too bad they did not get to see each other as much as either would like.

Eiri skirted the house, creeping like a thief in the night in an attempt to avoid what sounding like a party in full swing. Dozens of voices floated by on the breeze, each competing with the next to be heard. Above the din were the soft musical strains of a koto. He wondered if Mika was here. He had not seen her or Tohma’s car, but she was the only one he knew of that could play the zither-like instrument in the family.

Eiri was walking up the steps to the temple when he heard the sound of approaching voices. He glanced around as the voices and footsteps grew louder. Panicking, the blond writer glanced around for a hiding spot. In a split second decision, he darted around the nearest corner and flattened himself against the wall just as the group of women rounded the temple from the other side, coming from the direction of the main house.

His heart was thundering in his chest. His mouth was completely dry and he was sweating profusely. He squeezed his eyes shut tight as the voices came closer and closer to his hiding spot. He breathed a sigh of relief when the women stopped a mere couple of feet away.

“…disgusting if you ask me,” scoffed a wobbly voice.

Eiri’s eyes flew open. That sounded like his great aunt Sanami. She was his grandmother’s sister. She was a stiff, very tradition bound woman. They had butted heads quite a few times. She absolutely hated Tatsuha. In her mind, his brother had snubbed his role as a Uesugi male and had brought dishonor upon the house by getting involved with a man.

“You’re absolutely right, Sister,” agreed another female voice so similar to the first that if you did not know any better you would have sworn it was the same person speaking.

Eiri knew that this was his grandmother, Maki. She was just as bad as her sister was. She was the main reason why he never went to visit his aunt Aki. How she could live with that woman was beyond him. He would have hung himself long ago.

“You know,” entered a third voice.

This was his other aunt, Shuri. She was the eldest sister and the matriarch of the family. She was a little more open-minded but still stuck on honor and tradition just like the others.

“I don’t know what’s worse,” Aunt Shuri was saying. “A homosexual or a neutral.”

What in the world, were they doing here? Then he remembered what Shuichi told him about the dinner he was forced to miss, about how his father had hidden a betrothal between himself and some chick behind a so-called “family dinner”. That was right. That was why the entire family was here. It was a meeting of the two families.

Whatever. They could wait until they were blue in the face and keeled over and died because he had no intention, now or ever, of being forced into marrying anyone, especially with some chick he would rather beat upside the head then bed. The thought made him sick to his stomach.

“That’s the question, is it not?” Grandma Maki stated.

“Both are disgusting and wicked,” Aunt Sanami hissed.

“True,” Aunt Shuri agreed, her voice calm, “but at least a neutral can gives us heirs. You have to admit they can be…useful,” she said, her voice becoming soft and sly.

The other women giggled secretively.

Eiri frowned deeply. He did not like the sound of that. What were they talking about?

“We’re just lucky that your son saw reason,” Aunt Shuri continued.

Son? Were they talking about his father? Eiri edged closer, straining to hear what they were saying.

“Yes, we are,” Grandmother Maki agreed. “My boy has always done what was right for the family.”

“Tradition and the honor of the Uesugi family must be upheld,” Aunt Sanami snapped.

Eiri’s heart beat painfully in his chest. He had an awful, sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“That’s nothing against Kazuki. He was a wonderful boy with great genes,” Aunt Shuri said in that same calm and collected voice.

Kazuki? That was his mother’s name! Eiri edged a little bit closer, licking his dry lips. Why were they talking about his mother? What was going on?

“Very true,” Grandmother Maki said. “He was very nice and very handsome, but we could not have a freak in the family. That just would not do.”

A freak? Eiri could barely contain a growl that seeped through his pursed lips. He clenched his hands; his nails dug half moons into his palms.

“We’re just lucky he died soon after he was banished, otherwise, who knows what could have happened to this family,” Aunt Sanami said.

The blood rushed out of Eiri’s face. He stared out across the yard with large unseeing eyes. The rest of their conversation fell of deaf ears as shock filled Eiri.

***