Come What May

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation nor do I make any money from using the characters. I am a part owner of Kyosuke, though.

NC-17

If you have time, please review. Thank you!!

Note: Yeah, this one took a long time, too. You lovely readers must get tires of hearing that, I’m so sorry. But it’s not as if I don’t work on this story – I work on it a lot, believe me. Also, this chapter and 16 are those irritating interlocking chapters so I had to work on both at once. I always have an excuse don’t I? The truth is I really don’t write that fast and I nitpick it to pieces. I’m sure it’s hard to believe that I nitpick, considering how many mistakes I make. Well, anyway, thanks for waiting, I do really appreciate it.

As always, *Hurrahs* for Kri and AshCat – they helped get it into shape, even though Kri’s very frank discussion about “girth” made me blush for hours afterwards.

Oh, that reminds me: Warning: some Smut Ahead!


Come What May

Chapter 15
Precious


Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My god what have we done to you?

We always try to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through...

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your heart for two


************************************


"Are you sure about this, Eiri?" Mika asked softly as she secured her youngest child into the designated car seat. She looked up at me with concern and added, "Leaving him like this seems so final."

Shrugging, I took a deep drag of my cigarette and answered, “I've given him an option. It's up to him now."

"I know," she said softly as she clicked the locks in place.

The baby grabbed a strand of Mika's long hair and started to place the hair in his mouth. Mika deftly, almost absently, halted the small fist's progress to the drooling maw and removed the deathlike grip on the lock of hair. Once again, I found the resemblance the boy had to Tatsuha as a baby, overwhelming. But then again, the infant also looked like a dark-haired version of Mika and me as children. Our family features were nothing if not similar, it made sense that at least one of Tohma and Mika's spawn would end up resembling their mother.

Just as all three of us, Mika, Tatsuha, and I, had.

I always wondered how my father felt about that. His wife of fifteen years suddenly died, leaving him with a houseful of her clones. Had he resented us for that? It wouldn't surprise me if he had. He always was a sorry excuse for a parent, even when mother was alive to temper his sour disposition.

"Eiri, isn't there a chance that you'll come to regret today's actions?" She asked again.

Shaking my head, I answered, "I should have done this years ago. That's my only regret."

She smiled as she checked the locks on the other two children's car seats and seat belts. Little Tsukiko was already asleep and Umi-chan's eyelids were very heavy. I decided that cars were like sleeping pills for children. As Mika got into the car, she said, "Maybe you should have had this conversation with him years ago. Then again, I’d hate to be the one who said ‘I told you so,’ but I did…"

I crushed out my smoke and then slid into the passenger seat. I considered the fact that, if I'd had this conversation with my father a few years earlier, I might have considered the bastard's feelings, holding on to the last vestiges of my family ties to him. But, not anymore. I could finally see him for what he really was; a bitter, angry old man who had done his very best to make me bitter and angry as well. The two of us together had damaged and hurt Shuichi, crippling his spirit, my father with his caustic words and me with my seeming indifference.

There would be no more of that.

I had come to my father's home to call him out, to berate him for his past treatment of Shuichi. Strangely enough, as I stood toe to toe with my asshole father, explaining to him that he would never see me again unless he had the decency to apologize to my lover, I realized my declaration had less to do with Shuichi and more to do with me. As I finished my ultimatum, I felt a tremendous freeing relief, as I realized I had severed another tie to my acrimonious past.

It felt good.

Of course, who could have been prepared to what happened next? The manipulative fucker started to cry. Cry. I had never seen him cry before in my life. Even at mother's deathbed, he had been cold and emotionless. But now he actually cried, wailing about the devastation of losing both of his sons. I'm embarrassed to admit that I caved in a bit under the assault of his emotional display as I reminded him, once again, what he could do if he wanted to make things right. I told him I was also certain he could do the same with Tatsuha.

I found it amusing to consider Sakuma and my father having a conversation together. I almost wished I could watch that train wreck happen. Although, considering Shuichi’s current feelings for my brother and my father, the chances of an Uesugi family get-together were nonexistent. We were not the happy, cheerful Shindou family. We were miserable, troubled Uesugi. The only thing that had held us loosely together this long had been Mika’s tenacious will. Mika was far more of a parent to me than I ever considered my father to be.

She had remained strong throughout my youth, raising both Tatsuha and me, giving up her hopes and dreams for college and quietly accepting the role of dutiful daughter. She stepped into our dead mother’s shoes without complaint. And so she remained, forgetting and foregoing any thought for herself, letting her youth slip through her fingers.

And so she would have always remained, had it not been for Tohma.

Father ruled Mika’s life ruthlessly. She had a number of suitors, but she always turned them away due to the bastard’s insistence. Until Tohma. Suddenly, my compliant, selfless sister dug her heels in and defied our father. I remembered thinking I couldn’t wait to meet the man who had captured Mika’s elusive heart.

The first time he came to the house he was wearing a lemon yellow suit with a black t-shirt. He also had on a matching bright yellow hat and yellow shoes. Father mumbled something about him looking like a bumblebee and took an immediate and deep dislike to Tohma, but I was in love. Tohma was everything our father had warned us against – he was a nonconformist, a free thinker, a wild musician with no morals. As a shy, introverted pre-teen, how could Tohma’s arrival not have affected me?

Tohma’s addition to our family was a turning point in my life. He had not come from money or fame, what he built was from his cleverness and his innate business sense. He was a gifted musician, but even more so, he was born with the ability to read people, to see into their souls and to see their… merit.

From our first meeting, he understood my need to write and he supported and encouraged it, something no one else had done. And even though he distrusted Yuki-sensei from the start, Tohma made it possible for me to go with my tutor to New York. He worked on and manipulated my father until the bastard finally capitulated.

Of course, after the disaster of New York, my father took every opportunity to remind Tohma of his ‘failure.’

That is, until Mika lost it with the old man.

In all my memory, that incident is the only time I had seen Mika shout at my father. She even threatened him with leaving, going so far as to insist that she would take Tatsuha and me with her, leaving him completely alone. After that, the bastard backed down and, since then, there had been a long-standing truce between the two men in Mika’s life.

She had told me to stand up to him before, hadn’t she? And about Shuichi, hadn’t she said… Maybe Mika had been trying to explain that simple lesson to me, to explain that it was important to fight for someone you loved.

“Hey, Mika,” I looked over at my sister and my thread of thought evaporated when I saw her expression.

She sat in the driver’s seat watching me, a small, knowing smile on her face. The car had not yet moved. “He’ll call you, you know. So you might want to be prepared when that happens. And you might want to prepare Shuichi for it, too.”

I stared at her.

She chuckled as she started the car. “I’m not saying it will happen today, but it will happen. He will call you and he will eventually apologize to Shuichi.”

I sighed as I leaned back into the seat. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll die first. I was looking forward to being written off.”

“Not likely,” she glanced over at me. “I’m very proud of you, Eiri.”

“Huh,” I answered gruffly, but I’m sure she could tell that her words had secretly pleased me.

As we drove back to the house, Mika informed me that she wanted Maiko to stay with her. I was glad she brought it up first; because that was one of the reasons I wanted to bring Maiko to Kyoto. Mika was an expert at taking care of damaged psyches. I’m sure she knew that was why we brought Shuichi’s emotionally wounded sister. Mika was quick to understand the true motives people had. Even Tohma had never fooled her.

Tohma and Mika. They deserved each other.


“Eiri, don’t,” Shuichi moaned later that night, after I had caught Tohma… touching him.

“Why not?” I answered as I licked at him once again.

“Because we’re in Tohma’s house,” he panted, “and Mika and your nieces and nephew might… OH!” He moaned as my inept lubricated fingers on my right hand connected with the spot inside him I’d been searching to find.

“Would you feel better if I gagged you?” I teased as I licked at his leaking, twitching erection.

He shook his head violently, “No. But we really shouldn’t… Ahhh...” He moaned loudly as I slid his cock down my throat. There was a time when I could not imagine doing this; sucking off another man. But then I discovered the sheer power there was in it. I enjoyed making him writhe in passion and respond to my every touch with need. He was an amazingly expressive lover anyway, but taking him right to the edge and then backing off repeatedly would give me the reaction I wanted.

We had to make some adjustments because it was tricky for me to have sex with only one hand. For what I was doing to him now, I found it easiest if I slid his naked ass to the edge of the bed and spread his legs wide. That way, I could kneel in front of him and work his body without having to use both hands.

I’d been at him for the better part of an hour now, keeping him at the very threshold of ecstasy. He alternated between reasoning with me to stop and begging me to give him more. And each time, he was a little more vocal. He was so close to giving me what I needed.

“Eiri, please…” he whined in the begging mode.

His voice had gained volume as he neared orgasm. I felt his body stiffen, his muscles bunching in anticipation of his release. Good. I backed off suddenly and stilled my fingers. I returned to gently licking him and he nearly sobbed with his frustration.

“Damn you, Eiri! Quit fucking around!” he almost shouted at me as he tried to wrap his legs around me to press his cock into my face. He was losing control.

Good.

“Stop it. This isn’t right,” he called out but his body betrayed what he was really feeling as he tried to rub against me. “Please… please, Eiri, PLEASE!”

I resumed moving my fingers inside him as he cried out, “This is so wrong, but whatever you do, do not stop!”

Almost there.

Once more, I took him into my mouth and down my throat.

“Ahhh!” he shouted, his legs curling around me, his back arching off the bed as warm cum spilled into my waiting mouth. He was speaking, but it was an incoherent mishmash of nonsensical noises. I hung on to him as best I could with my one hand as he thrashed and bucked beneath me.

“Eiri-san,” I heard Tohma’s silken voice on the other side of the door. “You’ve made your point, but please do not run the risk of damaging Shuichi-san’s vocal chords; we have a very important tour coming up. I will also warn you that, if you manage to wake Mika-san or the children, I’m afraid you will have to face your sister’s wrath on your own.”

I ignored him as I licked Shuichi clean and then I rolled his still panting but compliant form onto his stomach. His legs dangled limply off the bed as I moved between them, gently forcing his thighs wide apart.

As I reached for the lube on the floor next to me, he said accusingly, “You really are a bastard, Eiri. You made me scream on purpose, didn’t you? Just so Tohma could hear?”

Ignoring his obvious questions, I managed to open the bottle without spilling it and coated my almost painful erection with an ample amount of lubrication.

“Eiri?” He called as he lifted his head to glare contentedly at me. “Did you hear me?”

Positioning myself even closer to him, I nudged my anxious cock towards his opening and slipped the tip inside. “I heard you,” I finally answered, my voice thick with lust as I pushed forward, entering him, letting his snug passage squeeze me with delicious pleasure.

He attempted to muffle a keening moan with the pillow before he said breathlessly, “You really are evil, Eiri.”

“Huh,” I agreed as I rocked my hips backwards.

“Fuck, yes,” he yowled, burying his face in the pillow again in an effort to stay quiet, as I made sure to rub against his prostate as I slid inside him. “You are pure evil.”

And you are an angel, I thought as I shifted my hips back again, a little faster this time.

“You feel so good inside me,” he panted quietly as his ass lifted to meet my onslaught. “You feel so hard and big. Come on, Eiri, don’t be gentle with me, fuck me into the mattress. Make me come again.”

It appeared my little ‘angel’ could tease as well. He was right, I was big and hard. The taste of him on my tongue and his sexy voice couldn’t help but to turn me on, causing my cock to react to him. I leaned over him, holding myself steady with my forearm as I nuzzled at his neck. He moved his head to one side, baring his vulnerable throat to me. I let my teeth sink into flesh as I sucked at his skin, continuously plundering his ass. After several intense moments, I raised my head and admired the bright mark I had left on his neck.

Fucking Tohma, touching him...

This boy was mine and I wanted everyone to know it, particularly Tohma.

“Eiri…” Shuichi sighed out my name. “I’m gonna come again.”

“Let me hear it,” I muttered as I continued the steady rhythm in my hips, anticipating the tautness that would soon encase my cock.

“Eiri!” And this time he really did scream, loud enough to wake the neighbors.

I didn’t call out his name as my own orgasm ripped through me only seconds later, but I did let loose a rather impressive moan. After all, it was only fair.


A day later, Shuichi and I left Kyoto and headed back home. As I drove Mika and Tohma’s very expensive, but very unresponsive piece of crap, luxury SUV, Shuichi stared continuously out the window, hardly speaking. I knew he was feeling bad about leaving Maiko and the cat, but I got the feeling he was dealing with some deeper emotions and he had been since he discovered Maiko’s situation.

I had hoped once we had mended our own relationship, he would start to relax, but he was almost worse. He accepted me and did not turn me away, but he also did not allow me in. He reminded me of… myself.

He kept himself turned inward and his emotions buried deep. Now what was going on? Maybe when we had therapy, everything would come out. I glanced over at him and saw that his features were of stone. Maybe not. At least not yet, but I hoped the doctors would see his struggle.

Perhaps all he really needed was to learn to trust again? I sighed with my thoughts, had I ever really learned to trust again? Not really. I always held back a little bit. Even with Shuichi, I still found it difficult to let myself become completely vulnerable to him. Learning to trust one another might take the rest of our lives, together. I was okay with that. I wondered if he was.

“Hey,” I said softly.

“Yeah?” he answered, still staring out the window.

I paused, wondering how to word what I needed to say. “What would you say if my father wanted to apologize to you?”

He turned his head slowly and stared at me suspiciously. “You’re kidding, right?”

Shaking my head I added, “No, I’m not kidding. I talked with him a few days ago about you.”

“What did you say?” He sputtered at me.

Grabbing a cigarette, I motioned for him to light it. After I exhaled, I shrugged. “I told him that I would never see him again unless he apologized to you. I thought that would be the end of it, but Mika seems to think he’ll eventually call and give in.”

His eyes narrowed and he scowled at me.

“Yeah, I know, I should have talked to you about it first, but I still don’t think it likely he will ever call. But I’m even less certain you would ever agree to meet him.”

“Huh,” he said weakly, as if he was very tired. “I’m definitely not ready for that anytime soon. Maybe not ever.”

I nodded in agreement. To be honest, I never expected to hear from the bastard, but Mika held fast to the certainty that he would call. I thought it best to take her advice and prepare us both for the possibility. It made me sad to realize I could have done this long ago and saved Shuichi so much pain. But I had been selfish then, I probably wouldn’t have understood the importance to both Shuichi and my father of taking responsibility for my life. “So we’ll talk about it when you want to, if you ever do.”

“Did you…” he looked at me hard. “Did you say something specific to him?”

Exhaling my nicotine, I glanced over at him. “Not really. Nothing I shouldn’t have said five years ago, anyway.”

He turned his head away again, watching the scenery. “You are full of surprises these days, Eiri. Are you sure you are really Uesugi Eiri, famous writer that goes by the pen name of Yuki Eiri?”

“You’ve asked me that before,” I took another drag. “Maybe you could come up with something more original for future allegations. Maybe something like I’m changing due to the insightful maturation and development of my character?”

I heard his soft chuckle before he said, “You’re a character, all right.” After a moment, he turned his head back once again to stare at me. Finally, he reached out a hand to touch a strand of my hair, “Your hair is getting long.”

“Yeah, I suppose I should get it cut before we leave,” I agreed.

“We have lots of stylists with the band, you could wait until then,” he explained. And then he added, “I’ve been thinking about letting mine grow out again, what do you think about that?”

I replied carefully, so as not to expose my true feelings, “It’s up to you.”

“Liar,” he answered with a smug smile. “I know you like it long, why don’t you just tell me?”

“And you tell me everything?” I shot back harshly before I had a chance to consider my tone and my words.

There was a long, uncomfortable moment of silence before he stated quietly, “I am trying, Eiri. Sometimes the right words seem to be out of reach.”

“I know,” I nodded. “It’s just so different to be on the… talking end of the relationship.”

He suddenly grinned at me. “Must be that character maturation thing.”

“Smart ass,” I snapped.

“Then again,” he was still grinning, “maybe not. Your meanness always does reemerge.”

“As does your idiocy,” I answered. I nearly smiled myself when I heard his heartfelt laughter. After a moment I added, “I also have a request.”

“What?” He said as his laughter dying as he suddenly shifted to pure suspicion.

“Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch, this is easy.” I stared.

“What?” He said again as his face became stone.

Sighing with frustration at his skepticism, I answered, “Because my book tour has been cancelled, I am required to do a press conference in a couple of days.”

He continued to stare at me. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I exhaled as I put my cigarette out. “Mizuki was hoping you could be there, too.”

“Really?” He asked.

“Really,” I replied.

“Mizuki, huh?” I could see a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

I never could fool him. “Yeah. Mizuki.”

“So what will I have to do?” He questioned as he leaned back in his seat.

“Nothing. We just want you to attend.”

“We, huh?”

“Yes,” I huffed as I lost my temper. “Now, will you do it or not?”

He was grinning, “Now who has their panties in a bunch? Really, Eiri, why do you always have to make everything so difficult? Of course, I’ll go with you. It is for Mizuki, after all. I’d do anything for her.”

“Shut up, brat,” I snapped at him.

“I’m glad you’re going on the tour with me, Eiri,” he said through his smile. “Although I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it after a couple of days, much less a couple of months.”

“We’ll deal with that when the time comes,” I stated.

“Yeah,” he nodded and sighed. “I guess we will.”

He didn’t sound very convincing to me.


“Useugi-san,” Dr. Umeoka called after me as Shuichi and I headed for the door together. I turned to see his gentle, concerned eyes. “May I speak with you for a moment?”

I turned back and studied Shuichi. His face was like a stone, preparing himself to face his first individual therapy session. After a moment, he met my steady stare. Reaching out he squeezed my unbroken hand and gave me an empty smile. “Go ahead. I’ll be alright, Eiri.”

Squeezing his hand in return, I pulled him to me and gave him a quick hug as I said quietly, “I’ll be back to get you, okay?”

“Sure,” he answered as he broke away from me and gave me a forced smile. And then he walked away from me.

I wasn’t certain what he was walking towards, but I felt a little strange when I let go of his hand.

“Useugi-san?” the doctor called again.

“Yeah,” I answered as I watched my lover turn a corner and disappear.

“Might we discuss Shindou-san for a moment?”

I turned around and stared at him.

“Useugi-san?” He asked as he motioned towards one of the chairs and moved to close the door.

“I thought you didn’t like talking to one of us without the other,” I said sharply.

Shaking his head, he smiled, “I don’t. I know you have your own therapist and now, hopefully, Shindou-san will have his own as well. But what I wish to discuss with you is Shindou-san’s well being and your personal hopes as you go forward.”

I sat down, still staring at him. Suddenly, I felt my old coping mechanisms kick into place and I found myself mistrusting him. “Why didn’t you ask Shuichi yourself?”

“If you’ll recall, during our therapy session, I did,” he nodded. “He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Uesugi-san, is he afraid of you?”

His questions startled and pissed me off at the same time, “What? No!” And then my memories surfaced. A broken arm. A concussion. Attempted rape. Not to mention a near hit and run. I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat.

The doctor watched me closely but he didn’t say anything.

“He might be afraid of me,” I finally admitted quietly. I realized I was unsure of Shuichi’s feelings on the subject myself. “I have hurt him before.”

“I believe he may have hurt you, too, correct?” He glanced at my wrapped hand.

I shrugged.

“Have the two of you talked about it?”

I shrugged again. “It doesn’t seem important anymore.”

“I see,” he nodded, dropping the subject when I didn’t offer more. After a moment he continued, “Is Shindou-san sleeping well these days?”

“No, he’s not. He’s… distracted at night,” I answered vaguely but the Doctor patiently waited for more. “Sometimes he sleeps only a couple of hours, I think.”

“Do you know what’s bothering him?”

“No, I don’t,” I began as my temper started to fray. “Could you get to the point? I have things to do.”

He smiled, “I’m sorry for arousing your suspicions, Uesugi-san. Shindou-san seemed to be calmer and closer to you, yet, in some ways, he seems more agitated than usual.”

I sighed, as I finally understood his cryptic line of questioning. “We found out recently that his sister was in an abusive relationship.” I held up my broken hand, “That’s how I got this. My injury is not from Shuichi. Is that what this conversation is all about?”

He nodded, “Yes. The two of you have been known to injure one another.”

“And you were worried about me?”

He nodded again.

It was all I could do not to burst into laughter – not that I would. I decided not to tell him that I had recently broken someone’s head with my hand. “Well, let me put your fears to rest, Doctor. We are actually doing very well.”

“But he’s not sleeping?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I think it has something to do with his sister.”

“I see,” the doctor answered quietly as I rose to leave.

I didn’t bother to explain any more. Shuichi would let me know what was on his mind eventually.

As least, I hoped he would.


Typing was difficult with one hand, but possible. I had taken up residence in Shuichi’s music room after we returned from therapy. I wasn’t sure what had happened in his session, but he was like a rock and more emotionally closed up than ever. Therapy had that effect on me as well; it always left me feeling raw and vulnerable. So, I remained close to him, not forcing a conversation, simply letting him know I was in the room with him.

After about an hour of pecking at my keyboard, I looked over from my laptop to see him sound asleep on the loveseat.

It was pleasant to see him sleeping, to see the angelic look return to his face. He once told me that I did the same thing while I slept, but I found that difficult to believe. Maybe it was similarly difficult for him to realize he retained some vestiges of the young innocence that used to overflow from him.

When I run myself to edge to meet a deadline or because my muse is in overdrive, I always reach a point when I crash. I don't simply fall asleep - I stop living for a day or so as my body completely shuts down.
But normally, I'm something of a light sleeper. Well, lighter anyway. But the last week or so had been torturous for both of us. What I had told Dr. Umeoka in the therapy room was true; Shuichi wasn't sleeping. I would be surprised if he was getting two or three hours of fitful sleep. He would toss and turn or just get up to prowl around the house. A couple of times I actually heard him leave the house.

When he came back, he would barely acknowledge my presence. And, when he walked past me, I would inhale, quietly and deeply, sniffing at him as if I were some kind of jealous dog. All I could ever detect was his unique sent, thick with sweat from exertion. I never asked, but I suspected he had been going to the dojo.

I had found out recently that he actually owned the dojo. He didn’t run it, but he did have a key and an arrangement to be able to come and go when he chose.

While I waited, I would practice Tai Chi, as much as my hand would let me. When I finished with that, I would write. Those were very long nights. Other nights, when he remained in the house, I would lie in bed awake and wait for his return. And when he returned, sometimes he was like an animal; jumping on me and rousing me with his lips and tongue or teeth and fingernails, throwing himself at me, needing me to take him until he was at the point of exhaustion.

I was okay with that. That I could give him easily enough.

Even though the two of us had come to a temporary understanding, his fears and his demons continued to plague him. I believed that this was his first step to coming to grips with his own self-loathing. Maiko’s situation might have hurried that along a bit for him, and I knew he still blamed himself for her misfortune. He was extremely vulnerable now, maybe more so than I had ever seen before.

And he was angry with me because he felt more comfortable when I was near.

I found that thought amusing and, honestly, I understood it. When the two of us were new, there were many times when I had resented him over my anxious clock-watching that inevitably occurred whenever he was away from home. And then, when he did come home, I would release my anger on him. He always saw past that with his gentle little smile and his sweet words. He knew I couldn’t give him the smile or the reassuring words, but I would do what I could.

Gently touching his cheek, I realized he felt a little on the warm side so I took his notebook from his limp fingers and covered him with the throw from the back of the love seat. He mumbled and curled onto his side, calling softly for "Yuki." I hoped he was referring to the cat since he only called me Yuki when he was angry with me now.

Leaving him to sleep, I decided I would call in a delivery order from our favorite Chinese restaurant. In spite of his earlier insistence that he was not hungry, I knew that once the head shrinking wore off, he would have his appetite back. However, on my way to the kitchen, I tripped over his backpack, thrown on the floor in an untidy heap. Swearing at his carelessness, I picked up the bag and a tabloid magazine fell out of the opened side of the bag.

Grabbing up the magazine with the every intention of replacing it in the bag, I paused as I saw the cover. It was Shuichi with some fanboy and the headline was about Shuichi taking up his ‘wicked ways’ once again and dumping me. I looked closer. I knew the guy who held Shuichi’s hand so possessively in the photograph. I sat down with the magazine as I continued to rack my brain about the guy.

Oh yeah. That horrible club when we were on our date and when I was high as a kite. Sakuma had saved me from the fanboy. I shivered, saved by the nutbar who ended up kissing me in front of Shuichi later on that same evening. That night hadn’t gone exactly the way either Shuichi or I had hoped, but it had ended well and I guess that was the most important thing.

I opened the magazine, curiosity getting the better of me, in order to read about Shuichi’s ‘conquests.’ Sure, it wasn’t my favorite thing to read about, but I wasn’t naïve enough to get bothered about a tabloid. Besides, I’d seen the headlines of Shuichi’s wild ways already. Not to mention, he hadn’t nearly as many lovers as I had.

Twenty-two? Big deal. My stomach twisted as I thought about how at, one time, it had only been one, only me. And then, it was me along with the sleaze balls that had raped him. But they didn’t really count, did they?

It seemed we would need to talk about the twenty-two. This night might be long for us.

So, after I called in the order and as I waited for delivery, I set the table and after the appropriate amount of swearing at my right hand, I managed to light some candles. Yeah, I know the candles were sappy, but as I said, I'd do what I could.

And Shuichi deserved so much more than I was able to give.

I woke him with a gentle shake not long after the food arrived. “Hey. I ordered in. We have Chinese food.”

Smiling, he sat up and said, in that annoying girlie voice of his, “Chinese food is truly the best food in the world.”

“If you don’t stop talking like that,” I huffed at him, “I’ll take away all that stupid anime you watch.”

“Oh, come on Eiri,” he chuckled as he followed me out of the room. “Don’t be such a sourpuss.”

“You’re one to talk, moody boy,” I snarled at him.

He seemed to feel better. There was still a hesitation in some of his words, as if there was still a nagging fear lurking in the back of his mind, but for the most part, he was acting normal again, at least for the moment.

We ate in silence as I chased food around my plate with my right hand until Shuichi took pity on me and began feeding us both. Once we were done, I put the plates in the sink. I had him light my cigarette and, after that, he moved to the couch. He still seemed exhausted, still gloomy with something like worry and sorrow.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I guess it’s time we talk about what’s really bugging you.” I grabbed the tabloid from a kitchen drawer and threw it down on the coffee table. “Is it this piece of crap?”

He looked up at me in surprise. “How… where did you get this?”

“Your backpack was lying on the floor and I tripped over it. That fell out of it when I picked the backpack up,” I answered without apology as I sat down in a chair.

“But that doesn’t give you the right to go through my stuff!” He jumped up, his anger boiling over at my perceived nosiness.

“I didn’t ‘go through your stuff,’ dumb ass. It fell out,” I answered calmly and then took a deep drag from my smoke as I glared at him. “What are you so angry about, anyway? Are you mad because I found it, or because you don’t want to talk about it?”

I watched him clench his fists before he sputtered, “I… You…”

“I’ve met this guy,” I said quietly as I poked at the picture, right on Sato’s smarmy face. “What a sap.”

“You… when…?”

Tipping my head at him, I almost smiled as I said, “Have you lost the ability to form coherent sentences? Not really surprising, you always were rather simple.”

“Eiri…” he replied with a warning edge to his voice. He sat down again on the very edge of the couch, prepared to leap up again if he needed to.

I was aware I was on dangerous ground and I hadn’t forgotten how volatile he could be when he was irate with me. Even so, I wouldn’t back down from him, not at this point. “On our last date. When you left me alone in the club, he,” I poked at the picture again, “showed up to warn me about how you would just dump me after you’d had your way with me.”

“That… that…” he ground his teeth.

“Yes,” I took another drag. “At first, I was confused. I mean, I knew you had been sleeping around after I left, but actually to come face to face with one of your lovers, well - one of your lovers other than Nakano and Sakuma - was difficult for me. It gave me a glimpse of you I didn’t know existed. And it gave me a better understanding of what you went through at the beginning of our relationship.”

He stared at me in total disbelief as I inhaled the sweet, calming nicotine again before I continued.

“I can’t say I enjoyed the feeling, but I also couldn’t blame you for it. I wasn’t part of your life when this… Sato guy and you were together.”

Placing his head in his hands he muttered, “We were never together. He was just weird about me for a while. I was never really together with anyone, you know, as far as being a couple, after you left. I just…”

“You just fucked them, correct?”

“I… uh…” he hung his head and nodded.

“This says twenty-two, but I think maybe there were more,” I stated as I crushed out my cigarette. After a pause I said, “You know, I remember one tabloid had my numbers at over a thousand. And it might be true, for all I know.”

There was a long moment of silence before I asked, “Do you care if it was a thousand?”

He straightened up again and met my gaze. His eyes were practically whirling with confusion but after a moment he shook his head, “No. I wouldn’t care if it were a million.”

“Why?” I questioned as I held his deep, violet stare.

“Because,” he swallowed and then he started again, “Because, I love you.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “So why do you think I would care if it was twenty-two or a hundred? Or more?”

“Because… I was so…”

“Loose? So then what was I?” I continued staring at him. “Did you love them? Any of them? And I don’t mean in the friendship way, like Nakano or that other one – I mean it in the way of you and me.”

“Of course not. They were only… distractions.”

“Distractions. Yeah, I like that description,” I agreed as I leaned back in the chair. I let us both have a moment to absorb our words; we were both dealing with a tremendous amount of emotion.

Finally, after I reached a point where I felt I could speak again, I added, “I like you now, you know.”

“What do you mean by that?” He demanded in confusion.

“You have changed,” I met his hostile, skeptical glare with amusement. I didn’t think he’d lose his temper with me now. “You are still emotional, only now it is more anger and surliness. You never did take a lot of shit, but now you’re stronger. I like it. I don’t like what we did to you to bring about the changes, but I like the man you’ve become.”

He looked at me with suspicion.

“I mean it, Shuichi.”

I watched his features go from focused seriousness, to complete confusion. And then, surprisingly, he became very emotional and started to cry.

“So why are you crying, dumb ass?” I said impatiently.

He got up and moved across the room. He crawled into my lap without an explanation and just cried. I didn’t think it necessary to say anything else, I just held him, glad that I had apparently hit on at least one thing that was bothering him.

After some time, his tears dried and he simply lay against me, absorbing my heat and nuzzling into me. He seemed to want to be as close as possible.

“Eiri?”

“Hmm,” I answered lazily.

“Can we make plans for our date?”

“Do we still have to do that?” I complained.

“Yes,” he explained. “I want us to live together anyway, but soon we’ll be on the road and cranky all the time. I would like to have one night together that isn’t full of stress.”

“Not full of stress for whom? You know I hate this kind of stuff.”

Sighing, he said, “How about you pick where we have dinner and I pick the rest of the night?”

“You know I don’t…”

“Yeah, I know you don’t like dancing, but I really like dancing with you.”

I stared at him.

“Look, Eiri, we’ve already talked about this, but I promise, no NG strongholds, no drugs, and limited alcohol,” he reasoned.

“And no karaoke,” I muttered.

“When have I ever asked you to participate in karaoke?” He grumbled in return. “Really, Eiri, you are just trying to make excuses, now.”

“Whatever,” I answered.

“What about handcuffs?” he asked with a teasing smile.

“Optional. But only if I get the key.”

“Ha! Unlikely! You couldn’t work the key now anyway with your right hand. Besides, as I remember, you liked the handcuffs.”

“Huh,” I answered. He was right; I had liked the handcuffs. After a short pause, I said, “Okay, I’ll go on your date. But only if you give me something in return.”

“I said we would live together, didn’t I?” He complained.

Shaking my head, I said, “No. I want something right now.”

“What?” He asked as he leaned back to meet my gaze.

I was staring at him with what I knew to be obvious hunger. What I was about to ask for was kinky as hell, and he knew it.

He shivered as he held my stare and then he nodded. “Okay… but try not to be too weird.”

“No promises,” I answered with a hint of a smile.

And then, we began.

TBC


Lyrics for Precious by Depeche Mode (Thanks Kri*Kri)