Unchained Memories *complete*

Title: Unchained Memories
Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: sexual innuendo.
Summary: The last days of Nittle Grasper after the New York incident with Kitazawa; Ryuichi’s dark past that changed him forever and the introduction of Kumagoro into his life; and the bonds that tie Tohma and Jim Harris together. (Side story to ‘The Key to My Heart’)
Author’s Note: This lightly touches upon events occurring in ‘Unlocking My Love’ – upcoming chapter 20.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, apart from Jim Harris, Kerryn Middleton and Brian Turner; the rest belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.

-oOo-

Epilogue: Present Day


The rain struck the window, sliding slowly down the glass before pooling on the ledge.

Tohma gazed at his reflection, ignoring the illusion that some of those droplets made it look like he was crying.

It had been raining like this that day also, he thought. The day of Kerryn’s funeral. He turned away from the window. What a melancholy thought.

He sat back in his chair and glanced once more at the closed door, frowning again. Just what had happened for Yuki to suddenly decide to go back to America? He scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing. Could those two never settle down? Were they truly doomed as lovers, never to be together?

He looked back out at the grey sky still weeping. He’d thought he’d witnessed enough of doomed love affairs to last a life time.

He propped his chin in one hand and stared morosely out the window. Yes, he had even been feeling exactly like this that day.

-oOo-

Tohma felt the drops falling on the umbrella he was holding, each one feeling like it struck with more force than the previous, their weight increasing in proportion to his feelings of guilt.

He looked over the collection of people here, all dressed sombrely; some with umbrellas, others not, ignoring the rain that continued to stream over them. Some how it seemed fitting. He would have found it odd if the day had been bright sunshine – not after Kerryn had met such an untimely end. It just wouldn’t have seemed right.


It wasn’t a large crowd. Kerryn apparently hadn’t come from a large family, but what family she had were there, from young to old. There were also work colleagues and friends, both hers and Jim’s, all offering their support by their presence, sharing in their loss.

Tohma stood off to one side, a little to the back. He hadn’t really known Kerryn that well, not in the way many of these people had, and it had been only for such a very short time. Now it seemed all too short.

He felt a warm hand slide into his own chilled one hanging by his side, whilst an arm circled his waist, holding him close.

“Why did this have to happen?” Noriko asked quietly, sadness filling her voice.

Tohma glanced down at her head resting on his shoulder, seeing the sorrow on her face. She had flown back for this, leaving her husband in Japan. The swell of her abdomen was clearly visible, the reason why Tohma had worried about her making this trip.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. He wished he did have the answer to that question. It was one he had been seeking since that moment as well, yet the answer still eluded him. It always would.

The arm around his waist tightened. “It will be hard for him,” Ryuichi said suddenly from his other side.

Tohma turned his head and met Ryu’s clear steady gaze, Kumagoro tucked under one arm, a black ribbon tied about its neck. Somehow even the toy looked sad today.

“He couldn’t protect that which he loved the most,” Ryuichi continued evenly. “He’ll blame himself for that.” Tohma felt those dark eyes piercing right through him, as though seeing so much more.

Yes, he was right, Tohma thought. He knew exactly what that felt like. The image of Eiri’s face rose in his mind and his heart clenched. Oh, yes, he knew all too well how it felt to be unable to protect those he cherished. That feeling he could well understand.

His eyes came to rest on the person standing separately from everyone else, closest to the grave. Although he was surrounded by people, those that were nearest and dearest to him, Jim looked totally alone. It was as though he had already cut himself off from those around him, no longer a part of this world they all inhabited.

His face was completely composed now. No sign of the streaming tears, crushing sobs, or wailing cries that Tohma had seen that night. He stood tall and erect, hands clasped before him as the priest continued the service, that quiet voice nothing more than a soft drone. There was a stillness about Jim, a sense of withdrawal that seemed so wrong.

The service was soon completed, the priest saying the final words, then Jim stepped forward to drop a single red rose towards the casket as it was lowered before stepping back.

That was the cue to all the other mourners to move forward, each taking a handful of rose petals from a basket set out and sprinkling them into the grave as they passed by.
Noriko and Ryuichi also joined that line at the end. Tohma watched that cascading fall of colour as they disappeared into the darkness of the depths below, vanishing from sight, and shivered. As each mourner completed this task they said their condolences to Kerryn’s weeping parents and left, slowly making their way back to their cars.

Nobody stopped by Jim where he continued to stand alone.

As the crowd dissipated, Jim suddenly looked up and met Tohma’s gaze. The rain had plastered Jim’s short hair to his skull, droplets clinging to the tips before falling to the ground. His face shone with dampness, pale as though chilled. Tohma didn’t know if it were only the rain that slid down those pale cheeks or if tears were mixed with them.

They held that gaze, as though it were only the two of them there, the rest of the world forgotten. How Tohma wished that there was something else that he could have done, something that would have prevented things turning out this way. What could he have changed so that Kerryn would still be here with them?

Tears pricked in his own eyes as he continued to look at Jim, before slowly sliding down his face. At that, Jim gave a slight trembling smile and curt nod as though thanking Tohma for crying when he no longer could, before turning and striding away through the teeming rain as finally the thunderstorm struck with full force.

-oOo-

Tohma felt the tightness in his face and scrubbed a hand across it again, erasing any sign of moisture trying to build in his eyes. That was all in the past; it was done and finished with and nothing was going to change that.

He turned again and reached for the phone, dialling.

“Umph?” was the strange response he received when his call was answered.

“Jim?” Tohma queried a little uncertainly.

“Yeah, what?”

“It’s Tohma,”

“Oh,” the sounds of a loud yawn. “How ya doing?”

“Have I caught you at a bad time?”

“Nah,” sounds of rustling and another yawn. “Just catching up on some shut-eye.”

“I seem to have a penchant for catching you in bed,” Tohma said with a small laugh.

“Don’t peek,”

“Can’t I compare reality to fantasy?” Tohma teased.

Another yawn. “Tohma, I’m too damn tired to deal with your perversions and I’d be a lot happier not knowing I’m starring in some of them.”

“How about Ryuichi then?”

“Oh, please!” Jim sounded like he was speaking from a distance with further rustling sounds in the background. “When were you into threesomes?”

“Who said anything about threesomes?” Tohma said, leaning back, smiling. “I was actually just speaking about Ryuichi and myself, but obviously you had already considered another option involving all of us. If that is your interest all you had to do was ask.”

“Gah!” was Jim’s louder response. “Knock it off will you?!”

“Are you dressed now?” Tohma asked, deducing that was the sounds he had been hearing.

“Nearly,”

“Hmm,” Tohma purred seductively. “Now that I can picture very well.”

“Tohma, so help me!” Jim threatened. “Will you stop with the sex talk! You’re giving me the creeps!”

“Okay,” Tohma agreed briskly, getting back to the reason for his call. “I have a favour to ask of you.”

“If it’s anything to do with sex, whips, handcuffs or whatever other twisted kinks you and Ryu have, the answer is ‘No!’!”

Tohma chuckled. “Nothing of the sort – although I’m sure Ryu could come up with something if you are ever interested.”

“No, no, and again, no!” Jim stated emphatically. “So what do you want?”

“Can you meet Yuki tomorrow?”

“What? He’s coming back here again?” Jim sounded very surprised.

“Yes. Rather unexpectedly at that.”

“So what’s up?” Jim’s words were muffled as though he were eating.

“I’m not certain yet, but he’s asked to use my apartment in New York whilst he’s there. I would feel better knowing that you had picked him up and he was safe.”

“Are those two still fighting, huh?”

“I didn’t think so, and from Yuki’s reactions I would have said not, but something is definitely not well. I’ll look into it whilst he’s away.”

“So it was just easier to let him do what he wants than try and argue with him, hmm?”

“Something like that,” Tohma admitted. “I know that he has some work lined up when he’s there but if you could just keep an eye on things for a short while I would be most grateful.”

“Just what are you up to?” Jim wanted to know.

“Nothing. Yet.”

“Ha!” Jim let out a bark of laughter. “I knew it! You’re going to do something to fix this, aren’t you?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s broken yet,” Tohma said calmly. “But I think you might have a few more ‘guests’ there in a short time.”

“Fine then. Give me the flight details and I’ll pick the prodigal son up when he arrives.” Jim chuckled then. “I bet you he’ll be pissed off when he sees me!”

“That most likely will be the case,” Tohma admitted. “Thank you for doing this.”

“Hey, that’s fine. Just don’t get into any trouble this time, heh?”

“Never.”

“Yeah, right!” was Jim’s disbelieving answer. “I’ll call you once I’ve got him safely tucked away.”

“Thank you. Sleep well.” Tohma said.

“Sleep, hell! Now I’ve got to work, worst luck!” and Jim rang off.

Tohma still had a smile on his face as he stood and walked over to pick up his coat. He’d done enough for today he felt. He would go home early and surprise Mika.

He glanced back at the rain still thrumming against the glass. The thing about the rain was that it always passed, leaving the world refreshed with the hope of renewal again.

~End~