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How to Save a Life	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 4511 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Chapter 15--Don't Walk Away

Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.

---Christopher Morley, Thunder on the
Left

November 29

Yuu closed the drawer that had once housed his Lotus. Turning slowly away from
his desk, he saw that both Lenalee and Lavi were watching him with expressions
that ranged from concern to unease. The dark-haired boy didn't know how to
react. He was beyond surprised, but he found that he wasn't nervous, which, he
assumed, was supposed to be the proper emotion under these circumstances.
Instead, he felt completely at ease, as if the fact that his Lotus had been
stolen was merely a trivial matter, like the theft of a bouquet of paper
flowers from a child's dollhouse.

Maybe his brain was just too far gone to give a shit anymore. The absence of
his Lotus would only lessen the reality of what had happened. Just one less reminder of a blurry, scarless
trauma that seemed more like a waking nightmare than an actual event anymore.

Someone cleared their throat. He was too stunned to properly hear who. A hand
fell onto his shoulder, and it jarred him from whatever stupor had taken hold
of his brain. His eyes met two slightly bloodshot green ones.

"Yuu?" The redhead's voice asked hoarsely,
as if he was trying to control the volume of his speech. Trying not to set him
over the edge, being careful with him, just like Jason had been doing since
he'd found out, just like everyone else was. It was annoying, but less so with
Lavi.

"There's nothing we can do, we'll just have to wait and see when he
returns it. He won't be able to do anything to it that I haven't already tried,
so there shouldn't be anything to worry about," the dark-haired boy
reasoned. And it was true; he'd tried just about everything to leave a mark on
the flower, even setting a lighter to it, but nothing had phased the
plant. He wouldn't tell the rabbit that the fire had hurt him instead,
just as all previous attempts to destroy the flower had. Not that there was any
evidence of that either, seeing as the marks disappeared as soon as they'd been
made.

Moving away from his desk, Yuu sat down on his bed and began to unpack his
belongings from his trip. He'd even given in to Lenalee's pressure and
purchased her a souvenir. She squealed excitedly and hugged him. But the
horrors didn't end there; she then explained her next plan, in detail, of how
she was going to "capture" Allen. Lavi joined him on his bed to watch
her flit around the room in a grand demonstration.

"--And then I'll take my new Penn State sweatshirt off and watch as
Allen's face turns bright red!" She exclaimed happily, throwing her arms
in the air in a "ta-da" manner.

"Why, pray tell," Yuu began dryly, "will his face turn
red?"

"Because I won't be wearing anything under it! Weren't you listening,
Yuu-kun?"

Yuu had not, in fact, been listening, because he had been distracted by a
strange bunny-esque phenomenon caused by Lavi's nose.
Wiggle, wiggle, sniff, sniff, it was all very engrossing. Besides, Lenalee had
regaled him with this tale several times when she had asked for the sweatshirt.
He didn't think it would work. Moyashis just
didn't bend that way. Nor, he thought, did Lenalees,
though he didn't want to test that theory. He had had enough after that one
drunken... encounter. He shuddered inwardly. Stupid New Years parties and their
awkward, accidental "oh, Yuu-kun, I didn't see you there!" lip bumps
didn't need to be thought about. They were almost as bad as croquet.

"You weren't listening, were you?" Lenalee accused, her cheeks
puffing out in indignation.

"Che."

He was fully expecting the blow that hit him upside the head.

"That's just mean, Yuu-kun!" A second and third whap followed the
first. He took them with all the grace of a proper swordsman, not even giving
the incensed girl the satisfaction of a reaction. Well, that wasn't precisely
true--he smirked lightly, an expression he knew Lenalee was too angry to see.
He retaliated by pulling her closer, twisting her swiftly around, and utilizing
a move Marie had taught him years ago to "keep Tiedoll at bay."

"Ne, guys, the, uh, R.A. is in the doorway..." Lavi
interrupted meekly, as if afraid to cut between what was obviously a sibling
fight. He had been rather quiet in the past few minutes, staring almost
bemusedly at Lenalee as she'd described her "perfect plan." It
disturbed Yuu a bit to see the normally rambunctious redhead unable to even
raise his voice in his usual annoying manner. It was almost like he was trying
to apologize on his former Master's behalf, like he was hoping that any
solemnity on his part would be seen as respectful repentance.

But it didn't really matter, as the poor Residents' Assistant was staring,
shocked, at the headlock Yuu was now holding Lenalee in. It was a pity it had
never been successful on Tiedoll, mostly because the man was much, much larger
than Yuu could ever hope to be, but it worked like a charm on the Chinese girl.
The long-haired boy cleared his throat and dropped his burden, who swiftly hit
the floor. He tried his best to ignore the betrayed look she shot him. He knew
she didn't really mean it. Much.

"Uh, hi," began the R.A. a little more tremulously than was probably
necessary. "Is everything alright in here?"

It was at that point that Yuu realized the door was still open.

"Yeah, everything's fine here," Lavi replied cheerily, "just a
little brother-sister rough-housing."

The R.A. looked a bit skeptical but shrugged and left, closing the door behind
him.

Lenalee pouted on the floor for a few more minutes before picking herself up
and excusing herself. She had an Allen to harass, after all, and couldn't be
delayed. Yuu thought it was just her excuse to get away; she was most likely
bored with them by now. Either that or she had some hidden agenda, which Yuu
really didn't want to know about anyway because it was probably involving him
and would thus lead to him finding out in some horribly embarrassing way
anyway, so he would like to postpone that for as long as possible.

After Lenalee had vacated the room, the dark-haired boy returned to his seat on
his bed.

There was a small moment of silence that passed between the two remaining
occupants. The red-haired boy shifted awkwardly from side to side, his hands
fidgeting slightly in some mysterious anxiety.

"So, Yuu, how was your break?" Lavi asked
after a few minutes, gaze fixed out the window.

The dark-haired boy shrugged. It was a nice, passive, unemotional response. It
also had the advantage of making Lavi look at him to ascertain his answer.

"Yours?" It was considered socially
acceptable to ask in response, but the question felt stilted on his tongue,
awkward and underused. It also felt genuine, seeing as he had never asked it before
and actually cared about the answer that he received.

"Fine." The redhead's response hadn't been
what Yuu had expected. He had thought he'd get a bemoaned expression and a
whiny, tearful plea for a hug because he had been so lonely and had missed his
"Yuu-chan."

But instead, he had gotten "fine." What did that even mean?
Was it one of those "oh, I just had so much fun with Lenalee and the
girls, and we sat around every night singing Kumbaya
and doing each other's nails" fines, or was it one of those "I
had an awful time, but I don't really want you to know because Lenalee is your
sister and you'd be offended if I trash-talked her" fines? Or maybe
it was something else entirely; maybe Lavi was hiding some kind of attempt on
his life by Bookman. Yuu had been really stupid to leave him, then. How could
he have been so ignorant? He'd promised Lavi that he would protect the idiot,
and just by going on his stupid trip with the sword team, he'd broken that
promise.

And Yuu didn't break his promises.

Not ever.

When the dark-haired boy hugged him, the rabbit jumped in what Yuu hoped was
only surprise.

"Yuu?" The boy asked tentatively, as if
hesitant to speak at all. The Japanese boy grunted in acknowledgment.
Apparently, that wasn't what the redhead wanted, though, for he tugged lightly
on Yuu's t-shirt until the older boy looked at him.

He didn't know how to form his apology. He took a deep breath anyway and forced
the words past his tightening throat. He'd never really said he was sorry
before, not truly, and he was surprised to note that he didn't want to mess it
up.

"I'm sorry." Generic. It worked.

The redhead blinked. "For what?" He asked.
The words seemed kind of far away.

Not being there. But his tongue was sloppy and got all tied up around
the English, making it sound something more like a strangled moan. He clenched
his eyes shut, a blush rising on his cheeks, cursing the language that was
sometimes very difficult to speak. It didn't follow the simple, angular
consonant-vowel pattern of Japanese, and it tripped him up as much as learning
a new recipe did. Like burning the Baked Alaska to a crisp, the language
sometimes seemed... wrong.

Lavi understood, or seemed to understand, and was suddenly very, very close.

He had long eyelashes. Long, deep red eyelashes that just barely brushed at his
cheeks when he blinked--slowly, so slowly.

The air seemed to shimmer like the surroundings of a propane grill.

There was a knock on the door. Perfectly timed, as always.
Whatever weird, shoujo scene had been unfolding broke
immediately, and before Yuu could open his mouth and attempt to say something
in proper English again, Lavi invited their mystery guest in with a simple
"it's open!"

It was Lizzie, who looked worse for wear. She sported a neck brace, and a deep
blue sling covered the bulky cast that ran down the entirety of her arm. Yellow
bruises hung under her eyes and on her cheeks, clashing with whatever tiny
splotches of clear, peach-ish cream skin were left.
Her hair was greasy and unkempt. But she smiled easily as she limped over to
the bed.

"Hey, guys," she said, sounding quite chipper for someone who had
just gotten beaten half to death. It reminded Yuu of when Lavi had first awoken
after... the incident in the woods. Quelling the righteous, blood-boiling anger
with sadistic images of his supreme revenge, Yuu returned her greeting. Lavi
followed suit a moment later. "I just wanted to thank
you guys for helping out me out with..." She trailed off, obviously
unwilling to think about her abusive (hopefully) ex-boyfriend.

"No problem," Lavi said, smiling. It was a smile that Yuu had seen
often; it wasn't quite genuine, but it wasn't fake,
either, and it made the dark-haired boy wonder if Lavi was just trying too
hard.

"Really, thank you," Lizzie stressed. There was a small, slightly
awkward silence filled with lots of slightly awkward smiles. Yuu even attempted
one himself. "Um, Jason and I wanted to get a group together to go to
karaoke later in the week. We're paying."

"Sure," the redhead replied easily, accepting the invitation for them
both. It was an action that might once have annoyed Yuu, but at this point, all
he could feel was some muted form of gratitude. "Just let us know where
and when, and we'll be there, 'kay?"

Lizzie nodded and then, mission completed, made an excuse to leave. Of course,
seeing as she had mentioned that standing was painful, it might not have been
an excuse at all. Yuu had known pain many times; he understood. The only
difference between him and the brunette girl was that he welcomed the pain. Even now.

---

December 4

There was no point in denying that he was excited. For the first time since he
was six, Lavi had friends. He had a place he could sort of
call home, and he had steady, delicious meals, usually cooked by his roommate.
He couldn't deny that he was feeling happy. For the first time since Bookman
had taken him in, he felt like he belonged. In Geology, he and Yuu
scrawled notes to each other and passed them between their desks. Afterward,
they walked home together, and the Japanese boy would make them lunch. When
Lavi walked across the quad, it was not uncommon for him to get hailed by one
or more of his many classmates.

And he was allowed to enjoy it, bask under the attention and give away
his smiles freely.

He shot one such smile across the room at Lizzie, who was looking quite chipper
in a purple blouse and her now neon green cast. The day before last, Lavi had
gotten annoyed at the general lack of color on Lizzie's cast and had proceeded
to raid the art building until he'd found some nice paints and had decorated
the cast accordingly.

They were at a small cafe in "downtown" Cambridge. The outside lights
flickered a bit with age, but inside, it was cozy, with moderately bright
lighting and a relaxed atmosphere. The couches and armchairs were exceedingly
comfortable, and even his roommate, who was seated next to him on a faded red
loveseat, couldn't look too grumpy.

The only thing that could make this moment even more perfect would be the
presence of his twin. Over the past couple of weeks, he'd come to realize just
how much he missed the girl, and though he didn't really like to dwell on it,
there were times that Lavi keenly wished that he could know what she was doing
at the moment, or if she liked squid, or if her favorite color was magenta. But
most of all he wondered what she looked like now. He imagined a more feminine
version of himself, perhaps with long, flowing curly (because she was Irish,
too, right?) hair. Amusement dragged the corners of his mouth upward. Himself with breasts--it was kind of entertaining.

He valiantly fought down a loud guffaw when he thought of Yuu with breasts.

It should probably have disturbed him that he thought his roommate would look
fabulous that way. Of course, he thought that Yuu would look fabulous any
way, but that was most definitely beside the point.

And speaking of Yuu, he was currently scooting over so that Jason could squish
between them. Lavi frowned slightly, displeased. He had specifically chosen the
loveseat because it was, well, a loveseat, which usually meant that only
two people sat on it at a time. Jason's intrusion was both unacceptable
and sacrilegious. Not that he had much against the guy, besides the fact that
Yuu seemed interested in him. Which, yes, made him jealous.

Very jealous.

The past week had been somewhere between annoying and acutely torturous for
him. Yuu had insisted on "hanging with some friends" and had left him
all alone on Wednesday night. It wouldn't have been so bad if every footstep
outside the door hadn't sounded like it could've been Bookman's distinctive
shuffle. Every gust of wind had sounded like Bookman's shallow breaths, and
each time the person in the room next to theirs bounced a tennis ball off their
shared wall, Lavi had to force himself not to panic, because it wasn't
Bookman knocking. Yuu had come back to a pile of shaking blankets that made
little wimpery sounds every time the tennis ball hit.

Tuesday night had been just as bad, with Jason in their room, making merry comments
and generally being annoying by sitting on Yuu's bed. Which,
Lavi thought savagely for the millionth time, was his spot. The
two new "friends" had spent the afternoon joking around, and had even
ended up roughhousing on the ground for a few minutes before Yuu's memories
took over.

Then there had been the hug. The long, soulful man-hug that was not really a
man-hug because there wasn't any back-patting involved. The hug that involved
two bodies being very close together in some kind of nasty, arm-around-Yuu's-shoulders-being-all-comforting
air. It was disgusting. Lavi didn't want to see it.

Already the two were talking like jolly good ol'
buddies, as if Lavi didn't exist at all, and he scooched
farther into the junction of the armrest and the back of the couch.

A new voice called out to them in greeting, and Lavi was distracted by it
enough to tear his eyes away from the bleeding image that was his roommate and
Jason. Lenalee, looking very sweet in pigtails held up by cute little baubles,
was walking up, dragging a bewildered-looking Allen with her. It seemed like
she'd invited the boy over for the weekend again. He was only a senior in high
school, but he often made appearances at Lenalee's Sorority's parties, and so
it wasn't that uncommon to see him about campus.

"Hey, guys," Lavi said once they were in range. Lenalee smiled
happily at him and pushed Allen down in the nearby armchair and plopped herself
down on top of him. The poor British boy let out an "oof" and grimaced. Lavi waited until Lenalee's
attention had turned to his roommate and then smirked at Allen in an "I'm
in a better position than you" manner. The white-haired boy stuck his
tongue out at him. Lavi snickered quietly.

"So, have we started yet?" Lenalee asked loudly, obviously only speaking
so as to facilitate the beginning of the so-called merry times.

"No, we were just about to," Lizzie shouted from across the room,
smiling brightly. Through his burning jealousy over his roommate, Lavi decided
that it was good to see that the brunette from down the hall was bouncing back
with seeming ease. He hadn't been able to do the same--not really. Whenever Yuu
was out, any happy thought could be randomly leeched from his body if he simply
heard something the wrong way or thought the wrong thing. It was a delicate
balance between debilitating paranoia and moderate sanity, and sometimes he
felt like two different people, one of whom was trying very, very hard to stay
alive; the other, he noted with some distress, was interested only in the one thing
it seemed he could never have.

"Oh, good. Mind if I grab a coffee first?"
The Chinese girl winked, and with his Bookman-trained eyes, Lavi watched her
skirt swish just a little too high, revealing what looked suspiciously like a
hip-flask. It had a pink unicorn on it with two big, chunky letter x's for eyes. Its clashing red tongue lolled from its
mouth. It was obviously a very inebriated unicorn.

"Not at all!" Lizzie replied breezily,
winking in return. This was obviously a pre-planned endeavor.

Lenalee returned a few minutes later with coffee for the group. She then pulled
out the drunk unicorn flask and proceeded to divide
its contents evenly among the steaming paper cups. Everyone took them readily,
save for Lavi and, unsurprisingly, Yuu, who both, presumably, did not want to
repeat the last time they'd been drunk. Together.
In the same room. On a couch.
And oh, fuck, did Lavi wish that would happen again. Jason be damned, he quite
honestly didn't care anymore. He wanted Yuu all to himself, and he wouldn't
let--well, wait, yes, he would, because he was Lavi, and whenever he tried to
be strong out of persona, his confidence just melted away.

Not that he was sure he had any confidence to begin with. Especially
after he'd burned his parents' apartment down on the worst day of his life.

"Okay, guys, here're the pamphlet-thingies--choose a song to sing!"

And thus began something that took Lavi's mind far away from any sort of
Yuu-related business whatsoever. It might have been the relaxed atmosphere of
being among people who he actually was beginning to consider friends or it
might have been something else completely--the others being drunk, the loud
music that seemed out of place in the small cafe, the bitter, awakening scent
of coffee in the air--but the great, coiled knot in Lavi's stomach began to
uncurl and fade away. For the first time since Bookman had taken his first
chance--way back with that dog and the petting-while-supposed-to-be-allergic
incident--the redhead was starting to feel like maybe he could stop being so
uptight and on guard. Yuu was there, after all, talking to Jason, yes, but
there nonetheless, and he wouldn't let anything horrible happen to him. He'd
proved that when he'd saved the ex-apprentice Bookman's life,
and Lavi was definitely never going to forget that. Hell, he was still
wearing that goddamn boot.

His ankle was kind of itchy, actually, but he wasn't paying attention to that,
because Lenalee had forced Allen up to the stage with her, deformed arm and
all, and was attempting to get him to sing that song about war and what it was
good for, which was apparently absolutely nothing. Lavi agreed with that song
completely. War was stupid; humanity, too, was stupid, and he'd seen far too
much to ever be anything less than wholly and utterly disillusioned on the
subject.

He recalled the horrifying body count, the waterfall, the awful time with the
spiders all over his stomach, the guerrilla fighting, the bombs and the
shells and the mortar and the endless pitch of death. Screeches,
screeches all around, and fires, too, all vague and disorienting to others, but
perfectly clear to him. He remembered everything so acutely that each
detail seemed to flow into the next until the scene was right there before him.
He hated when this happened, hated the feeling of being right back there,
unable to pull himself out of what he knew was some sort of remembered
hallucination and not reality, unable to do anything but just watch as
more and more people died and screamed and hit each other with stupid bits of
metal.

War was pointless, and it was cruel. Following that logic, war-makers were just
as pointless and cruel, and since war-makers could only be humans, it was an
easy connection to make that humanity itself was
pointless and cruel. And Lavi hated humanity.

These friends, they were temporary, just like the life of a soldier. They could
disappear in the blink of an eye, or, like Yuu, they could be one of the lucky
survivors. If surviving could really be seen as lucky.

Was it? Lavi didn't think so. Surviving meant you just had to relive it all
over and over again until you just wanted to give up and cry, give up and, if
you were finally lucky, die.

That was where Yuu was, and if the redhead was honest with himself, he wasn't
far from that state of mind at all. But did he really want to die?

No, he didn't. The answer was as obvious in his mind as it was that Allen was
not enjoying himself up on the makeshift stage.

Did Yuu want to die?

For once, Lavi didn't think so, though he could never really be sure, as his
dark-haired roommate had a way of making people think he wasn't as suicidal as
he really was. And he was--he just couldn't die. Lavi had seen it for
himself. There was just no way for Yuu to off himself, and while the redhead
was thankful for that fact, he was also very, very sad. There was a part of him
that just wanted Yuu to be able to do whatever he wanted, to just follow
whatever path took him to some kind of resolution of spirit, be it death or
not. It was a small part, of course, because most of Lavi really wanted Yuu to
live and get better until all the memories were just harmless mist at the back
of his mind.

But how could that ever happen when Lavi himself couldn't even get over his own
demons? Needles still frightened him, amongst other things. The redhead
shuddered. This really wasn't the time or place for him to be so introspectful.

"Come on! Up on the stage! Please!" The girl next to Lizzie, with
whom Lavi was not well-acquainted enough to know the name of, shouted. Her fixed
coffee was obviously in effect already, and it took Lavi a moment to realize
that he'd been zoning out for quite some time. Lenalee looked quite comfortable
on Allen's lap again, and he wondered how long she'd been there. She looked
almost catlike, the way she stretched her arms outward and yawned before
readjusting herself. The British boy's face took on a pained expression for a
moment, and flicking his eyes downward for a moment, Lavi understood
immediately. Lenalee's hip-flask was digging into a region best ignored in
public.

"Fine! Will you stop pestering us already!?"
Jason shouted from beside the redhead. Lavi tried not to wince--he hadn't been
expecting that. The boy sat up and, to Lavi's surprise, grabbed Yuu by the
wrist (bad idea, but thankfully, the dark-haired boy didn't flinch or pull
away) and pulled him over to the microphones.

Yuu shot him a strange, almost worried, glance as he was dragged away, but Lavi
ignored it as a trick of the light. It was probably a look of despair--Lavi
knew how much he hated crowds and rowdy people. That time at the French
restaurant had made that fact obvious enough. Honestly speaking, Yuu probably
just didn't want to have to sing, age-old (well, century-ish-old, but who was counting?) Japanese
tradition or not.

The song began softly, and before more than a few beats, Jason was off, singing
with a surprisingly good voice. Yuu put on an almost deer-in-headlights look,
but his singing partner punched him in the shoulder, so he reluctantly began to
sing along, and Jason faded out so that Yuu's voice could be heard.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

Kept thinking how I could never live without you by my side.

But then I spent so many nights,

Just thinking how you'd done me wrong,

And I grew strong...

Yuu's voice was actually very good, too, kind of like that old teddy bear that
sat at the edge of your bed and kept you safe at night--it was familiar and
comforting, and Lavi found himself just falling back into the comfy sofa, his
eyes closing, his breathing slowing, until he was nearly asleep in the
deliciousness of it all. It was so beautiful, so safe, and he just wanted to
hear it all the time.

But then Jason came back in, and they sang together, and Lavi's eyes snapped
open. He looked up at the stage, wishing all types of untimely deaths upon the
friend his roommate had made. It wasn't fair. How come he didn't get to
sing with Yuu? He had been there first, hadn't he? And no, he didn't sing that
well, seeing as Bookman had looked down on the whole self-expression thing, but
that didn't mean he was totally useless. Well, except for the fact that he was
still learning all the popular songs, and this wasn't
one he'd ever heard before.

Their feet tapped the beat, moving more confidently until their hips shook with
the effort. And then they danced, close together, all into it in a way that was
usually only seen between girls and guys at parties after they'd gotten nice
and thoroughly drunk. Lavi's glare grew just that much more furious, and he was
starting to hate Jason even more than he did already.

Why was he allowed to be so close to Yuu? And why did Yuu want him so
close? Why did it look like the Japanese boy was actually having fun? Was he
the only one to notice how close the two boys had become since Thanksgiving?
Was his mind just beginning to overload with all his new-found emotions that it
was overreacting to even the slightest of inconsistencies? Or was there
something more? Maybe his mind was trying to tell him that what the redhead
wanted was completely out of reach, and it was inventing ways to make him give
up hope. Maybe that was why he was always so uncomfortable around the larger
brunette, because deep down, Lavi knew he couldn't compete. That would make
sense.

Hell, his mind was even starting to project traits onto the other boy that only
Lavi would be able to see. Like the slight twitch of the hand when someone said
something to the junior swordsman. Hell, he was crazy,
his mind was taunting him about his failures as a Bookman. Putting
them all together into one big package of failure and rejection.

The music had switched by the time Lavi came back from his pit of self-pity. He
saw Jason sling an arm around Yuu's slim shoulders, and there was no flinch to
speak of. The party seemed to be rolling on as if the world hadn't just come
crashing down on top of him, but fuck, it sure felt like it had.

He saw long, black hair from the corner of his eye as Yuu returned to his seat
next to the redhead. He would have been happy except for the fact that he was
now sandwiched between his roommate and the brunette encroacher. The two talked
as if there was nothing wrong, as if Lavi wasn't even there. It felt like
little needles--and yes, he knew what that felt like--were being stabbed into
his chest, only about a million times worse.

"Hey, Lavi, you okay?" Oh, so Yuu was talking to him now? Well, that
was nice of him. There was concern in the Japanese boy's expression, so he
really needed to hide his emotions better. It should have been a piece of cake,
seeing as he'd needed to hide them for years.

Except that it wasn't, and he couldn't, for God knew what reason, keep his
anger and pain hidden. He was tired of being ignored and pushed aside. So he
did the only thing he could do.

"Lavi?" Yuu asked again, reaching out to
place a hand on the younger boy's shoulder.

"No, I'm not okay," the redhead said, ignoring the outstretched limb
and standing up, not looking back as he stormed away. He slammed the door open,
slowing only momentarily to glare at the cheerful bell that chimed as he left,
but then he was out into the deep velvet of night, and he didn't really care.
He was, quite honestly, furious, and he wasn't even entirely sure why. All his
emotions were just sort of welling up, and he could do nothing to stop them or
even keep them in check anymore. A telephone pole got in the way, so he punched
it as hard as he dared to without hurting his hand, and after he'd accomplished
that, he continued to walk.

Behind him, someone was taking long, jogging strides, and maybe they were
calling his name, but he couldn't really bring himself to care.

"LAVI!"

He didn't turn around.

"LAVI! Stop! What's wrong!?"

This time, Lavi twirled with all the grace of a new ballet dancer, stomping to
a stop and feeling the ground resound beneath him. There was an underground
tunnel below, probably to keep the streets warm and snow-free during the winter
months. Yes, just a few feet away was a grate that was letting out steaming air into the crisp
December night. It really was starting to feel like winter. But no, he was
angry, and he needed to make that clear, not ponder on the weather.

"You really can't tell!?" He half-screamed at the dark-haired boy who
inhabited so many of his thoughts. Why had he said that? Emotions like this
never needed to be expressed, never needed to see the light of day (or the dark
of night). And Yuu was so broken that such attentions could make him regress
completely back into the state Lavi had met him in, and much as he hated Jason,
Yuu had been acting a hell of a lot better ever since they'd become... friends.

"Well, you're angry about something," his roommate replied,
still striding forward, reaching out like some kind of too-nice, leading-on lunatic.

"Yes, Yuu, I'm angry, so leave me the fuck alone--"

Yuu grabbed his arm and opened his mouth to speak. "Are you je--"

The light, fluffy, bouncy music that signified Lenalee's call flew into the air
faster than the steam a few feet away. Yuu let Lavi go and reached into his
pocket. "Yeah?" He barked. Obviously, he
wasn't pleased to be interrupted, but Lavi didn't really care and took the
opportunity to turn around again so that he could finally go home. "They what? When?"

Dammit. Why did the Japanese boy have to be so...
intriguing?

In the street lamp's dim illumination, Lavi saw Yuu's face blanch until it was
almost as pale as the redhead's own visage. "I'm being... what?"
Lenalee said something Lavi couldn't make out since he was too far away, but
Yuu's eyes bugged out and then went completely flat, a reflection of what they
had been like at the beginning of the year. "Yeah... tell Tiedoll to book
the fl--yes, he's coming too." Yuu snapped his phone shut and
strode forward, grabbing Lavi's wrist as he passed him and continuing to walk
on without regard for anything, including traffic, which, in the redhead's
opinion, was suicidal.

Somehow, they made it back to the dorm in one piece (though it had been a close
call, Lavi thought with some trepidation). Yuu went straight to his bed,
pausing only to kick off his shoes and release Lavi from his firm grip. The
ex-apprentice Bookman padded softly over to the bed after a moment and put a
gentle hand to the Japanese boy's head. The boy flinched.

That hurt, cut like a razor blade between the ribs. Why did he flinch for Lavi
but not for Jason? Hadn't Lavi done more than enough to prove that he wasn't a
threat?

But then he remembered how Yuu's face had looked, and he physically forced the
emotions back and let his hand run smoothly through the dark-haired boy's
silken hair (there was no way he didn't use feminine hair products, as it was
far too soft to be the result of manly shampoos and conditioners). The boy
grunted and shifted, but he did not protest. It sounded more like he'd given in
to the inevitability that he had to be touched. Lavi frowned a bit at that
thought but didn't stop feeling the down softness of each night-colored strand
of hair. Yuu settled into the mattress, adjusting himself only a little so that
he wouldn't suffocate.

There was something delicate and fragile in the air, something Lavi couldn't
quite put his finger on. His heart did not beat strongly like it usually did
with Yuu around; instead, he found himself feeling almost depressed at
the sight of his roommate so forlorn. It was strange and new, and it made the
silence between them almost pitying in nature.

Eventually, Lavi couldn't stand it any longer. "What happened?" He
asked quietly. The Japanese boy jumped a little, almost as if he had been
dozing and had been pulled out by the sound of the redhead's voice. The face
emerged from the pillow, and dark, emotion-flattened eyes stared at him,
inscrutable knowledge behind them.

"They... they caught my parents' murderer," he said in low,
husky Japanese. It seemed like he'd returned to his native language in his
shock and had decided he didn't feel like using English at this point in time.

"Oh." There was nothing else to say.

"I've been subpoenaed to Japan to testify." Yuu's voice was as flat
as his eyes.

"Oh." Again, nothing to say.

"I leave next Friday."

"But, Yuu, that's the week before finals," Lavi said, alarmed. For a
moment, there was a twitch of emotion in Yuu's face, but it was gone a moment
later, almost like a trick of the light.

"I'll have to take them early."

"Will..." The redhead hated himself for even considering this
question, but it needed to be asked, so he took a fortifying breath and
continued, "will you be alright?"

To his surprise, the dark-haired boy shook his head, accidentally hitting
himself with his pillow in the process. It would have been funny, but the
situation made it anything but. "No." Yuu's voice was still so flat.
His eyes flickered away from Lavi's and circled the room, widening in horror
for a brief moment, and Lavi knew he was once again seeing the faces of the
people who had raped him.

"Er, what am I going to do for break?" He
asked, trying to switch the topic away from dangerous matters. Yuu had been
through enough in his life, and this was not the time to be reliving them.

Once again, his roommate surprised him. With an incredulous expression, Yuu
said in a voice that Lavi supposed was reserved for the very, very dull (and
thus, him), "you're coming, too, idiot."

"Oh." Lavi thanked the universe for bringing about the creation of
monosyllabic words.

Yuu scoffed and then returned to trying to drown himself in his old dorm
mattress.

---

A/N: Wow! A proper, timely update! Who'da thunk that, ne? Anyhoo, hopefully
we'll get another timely update, but we can't really say, as college has literally
eaten our lives away. We've started rebuilding our buffer chapters, which is
nice, so we'll try to keep up our rate of writing. It's getting easier now that
we're to a more planned part.
- 14
- 15
- 16
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How to Save a Life