Loss of Translation
folder
+S to Z › Tsubasa
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
Views:
5,032
Reviews:
37
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+S to Z › Tsubasa
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
Views:
5,032
Reviews:
37
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own or make any money off of the Tsubasa fandom. The characters and all plot lines associated to the original story belong to CLAMP.
Musings
A/N : Sorry for the delay. But now, with the Holidays over and school started and settling into a decent pace, it’s back to work!
Thanks to Niako-san and sud1l0v3 for their reviews!
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Kurogane lay on his bed in their new room, mentally going over the events of the last few days. The whole ordeal seemed rather strange, almost staged. Sure, things had been horrifying; Fai had been assaulted right before his very eyes. Kuro had never wanted to kill someone more than he had at that moment. But he hadn’t gotten the chance. His blonde companion, the giggly, bubbly, never-raise-a-hand-to-defend-myself mage had killed them instead. And Kuro had to admit to himself that he had experienced a small amount of fear at seeing his friend handle the blade with such calm precision. Still, something seemed off. As he ran a hand through his hair and began running through the sequence of events again, a voice broke into the silence of his thoughts.
“Can’t sleep, or won’t?” Fai rolled over on his side and fixed him with a questioning glare. Kurogane sighed. “Stop doing that!” Blankets went flying as the mage sat up, turning towards him.
The warrior started, his eyes widening in shock. Had Fai just...yelled at him?!
“Every time I say something, you make that noise. Why? Are you so upset at me you’re beyond response? Or maybe...maybe I’m not worth the effort for you to show emotion any more.”
Kuro blinked rather stupidly at his flustered companion. His mind, still in shock after the unexpected outburst, was trying to process Fai’s question, and failing. After several moments of tense, unbroken silence, Fai bowed his head and turned away.
“I see. Sorry to have bothered you. Goodnight.”
As the mage lay down and drew the covers over himself, Kurogane’s mind caught up to the situation.
“It’s annoying.” Kuro’s voice was soft and tired. “That fake smile you paste across your face. We both know it’s not real. Hell, even the fur ball knows it’s not real. I understand why you wear it. It’s helps keep the Princess and the kid in good spirits. But they aren’t here right now. So why do you keep hiding behind it? You think you’re not worth enough for me to show emotion towards you? Well, I could say the same of you. Do I matter so little to you that even with all that’s happened in the last few days, you won’t even show me your true emotions? What have I done to make you distrust me so much?”
Fai remained with his back towards him, but his shoulders began to shake ever so slightly.
“I’m afraid. This mask, this smile, they’re all I have. For so long, they’ve been the only thing that’s kept me going. The last few days...it’s...it’s nothing new.” Kuro stiffened suddenly, but said nothing. “But you...you changed things. You put faith in me back in Oto. No one’s ever believed in me before. Not really. I want to show you, to share everything that I am with you, but I’m afraid. The person I am, truly am, is...”
“Fai.” Kurogane stated rather sharply, causing the mage to stop abruptly. “That’s all you’ve ever been and it’s all you’ll ever be. I don’t care whether that bouncy, giggly persona is the real you, or whether the mechanized killer is the real you. I don’t care about who you were or who you’re going to be. Your past, your future, they don’t matter. What matters is who you are, right now. This day, this minute. That’s it.”
“But they do matter. Someday my past will catch up to me, and when that happens...there will be no future. Not for me, or for anyone else I’m close to. So I have to stay behind this mask. Then no one else will be hurt because of me.”
“You can’t control that. People will want to be close to you as long as you’re alive no matter how good or terrible of a person you are. And if their choice to be close to you puts them on the front line of your battles, what’s wrong with that? You’re far more likely to win the war if you have other people standing by your side.”
“Standing by my side gets people killed.” A combination of old pain and anger began to show in Fai’s voice.
“So does standing by Princess Tomoyo. She’s lost dozens of good men, both soldiers and friends, and never once wavered from her calling. She bears the pain and sorrow and it carries her through to the end. Same with the kid. He spends every day of his life protecting the girl he loves, all the while dying a little inside every time she remembers a shared event where he’s no longer included. That’s how the world works. The people close to you hurt you and get hurt by you. Not because that’s how it should be, or how you want it to be, but because it’s, to use the witch’s word, inevitable. You can deprive people of your company as much as you like, but it won’t stop them from getting hurt, and it won’t stop them from caring when you get hurt.” The warrior’s voiced had raised slightly and was filled with passionate emotion.
The room was silent except for the sound of Kuro’s breathing. After a few moments without a response from his companion, the ninja turned away and began settling back into his bed.
“Do you?” The blonde’s voice was soft, and Kurogane barely heard it.
“Do I what?”
“Care. When I get hurt.”
This time the silence was palpable. The question had been expected, and the warrior placed a hand on the mage’s shoulder and took a deep breath before answering.
“Yes. Every time.”
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The man standing outside the door to the two friends room smirked to himself before walking away. “This is going to be fun.”
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TBC
Thanks to Niako-san and sud1l0v3 for their reviews!
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Kurogane lay on his bed in their new room, mentally going over the events of the last few days. The whole ordeal seemed rather strange, almost staged. Sure, things had been horrifying; Fai had been assaulted right before his very eyes. Kuro had never wanted to kill someone more than he had at that moment. But he hadn’t gotten the chance. His blonde companion, the giggly, bubbly, never-raise-a-hand-to-defend-myself mage had killed them instead. And Kuro had to admit to himself that he had experienced a small amount of fear at seeing his friend handle the blade with such calm precision. Still, something seemed off. As he ran a hand through his hair and began running through the sequence of events again, a voice broke into the silence of his thoughts.
“Can’t sleep, or won’t?” Fai rolled over on his side and fixed him with a questioning glare. Kurogane sighed. “Stop doing that!” Blankets went flying as the mage sat up, turning towards him.
The warrior started, his eyes widening in shock. Had Fai just...yelled at him?!
“Every time I say something, you make that noise. Why? Are you so upset at me you’re beyond response? Or maybe...maybe I’m not worth the effort for you to show emotion any more.”
Kuro blinked rather stupidly at his flustered companion. His mind, still in shock after the unexpected outburst, was trying to process Fai’s question, and failing. After several moments of tense, unbroken silence, Fai bowed his head and turned away.
“I see. Sorry to have bothered you. Goodnight.”
As the mage lay down and drew the covers over himself, Kurogane’s mind caught up to the situation.
“It’s annoying.” Kuro’s voice was soft and tired. “That fake smile you paste across your face. We both know it’s not real. Hell, even the fur ball knows it’s not real. I understand why you wear it. It’s helps keep the Princess and the kid in good spirits. But they aren’t here right now. So why do you keep hiding behind it? You think you’re not worth enough for me to show emotion towards you? Well, I could say the same of you. Do I matter so little to you that even with all that’s happened in the last few days, you won’t even show me your true emotions? What have I done to make you distrust me so much?”
Fai remained with his back towards him, but his shoulders began to shake ever so slightly.
“I’m afraid. This mask, this smile, they’re all I have. For so long, they’ve been the only thing that’s kept me going. The last few days...it’s...it’s nothing new.” Kuro stiffened suddenly, but said nothing. “But you...you changed things. You put faith in me back in Oto. No one’s ever believed in me before. Not really. I want to show you, to share everything that I am with you, but I’m afraid. The person I am, truly am, is...”
“Fai.” Kurogane stated rather sharply, causing the mage to stop abruptly. “That’s all you’ve ever been and it’s all you’ll ever be. I don’t care whether that bouncy, giggly persona is the real you, or whether the mechanized killer is the real you. I don’t care about who you were or who you’re going to be. Your past, your future, they don’t matter. What matters is who you are, right now. This day, this minute. That’s it.”
“But they do matter. Someday my past will catch up to me, and when that happens...there will be no future. Not for me, or for anyone else I’m close to. So I have to stay behind this mask. Then no one else will be hurt because of me.”
“You can’t control that. People will want to be close to you as long as you’re alive no matter how good or terrible of a person you are. And if their choice to be close to you puts them on the front line of your battles, what’s wrong with that? You’re far more likely to win the war if you have other people standing by your side.”
“Standing by my side gets people killed.” A combination of old pain and anger began to show in Fai’s voice.
“So does standing by Princess Tomoyo. She’s lost dozens of good men, both soldiers and friends, and never once wavered from her calling. She bears the pain and sorrow and it carries her through to the end. Same with the kid. He spends every day of his life protecting the girl he loves, all the while dying a little inside every time she remembers a shared event where he’s no longer included. That’s how the world works. The people close to you hurt you and get hurt by you. Not because that’s how it should be, or how you want it to be, but because it’s, to use the witch’s word, inevitable. You can deprive people of your company as much as you like, but it won’t stop them from getting hurt, and it won’t stop them from caring when you get hurt.” The warrior’s voiced had raised slightly and was filled with passionate emotion.
The room was silent except for the sound of Kuro’s breathing. After a few moments without a response from his companion, the ninja turned away and began settling back into his bed.
“Do you?” The blonde’s voice was soft, and Kurogane barely heard it.
“Do I what?”
“Care. When I get hurt.”
This time the silence was palpable. The question had been expected, and the warrior placed a hand on the mage’s shoulder and took a deep breath before answering.
“Yes. Every time.”
----------------------------------
The man standing outside the door to the two friends room smirked to himself before walking away. “This is going to be fun.”
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TBC