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The Cost of Regret	By : LotornoMiko Category: +S to Z > Voltron Views: 3415 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Voltron or the characters from it. I make no money off of the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Cost of Regret
- 2-Two
- 3-Three
- 4-Four
- 5-Five
- 6-Six
- 7-Seven
- 8-Eight
- 9-Nine
- 10-Ten
- 11-Eleven
- 12-Twelve
- 13-Thirteen
- 14-Fourteen
- 15-Fifteen
- 16-Sixteen
- 17-Seventeen
- 18-Eighteen
- 19-Nineteen
- 20-Twenty
- 21-Twenty One
- 14
- 15
- 16
A warning...cause I sorta feel like this one needs it. Violence warning, and rape warnings in effect. It was dubious consent at best before, but this chapter definitely moves into non con territory big time. (The warning probably just spoiled the end half of the chapter too...but it needed to be said just in case...)

It's not the first time I've stood and watched Lotor walk away from me, his proud, downright arrogant form seeming hunched over and defeated in the moment. Nor am I unfamiliar with the distress I had glimpsed in his expression. But I don't understand it. The distress or the pain he seems to be in. Trust has never existed between us, never had the chance to blossom. So why should our-MY lack of it matter at all to Lotor.

The fact that it does matter should have given me some kind of power. Some kind of victory to revel in. Instead I feel like I am the loser, Lotor's words echoing in my head. He had accused me of handing over Arus and it's fate to a man I didn't even trust, and he was right. But there had been no other option, no other chance for Arus. And I couldn't, wouldn't sit back and watch it and it's people slowly wipe each other out.

I still didn't want the people of Arus to die. But neither did I want to see them all made into slaves. But I no longer seemed to have the power to prevent even that. Not now that I had handed over Arus to Lotor. My hands clench at my sides, my body shaking violently. I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I am more angry than sad in the moment. It brings to mind the girl I had once been, the proud princess who had been so defiant and determined to save her planet and her people. It is a spark I have been missing, have not felt in years. But now, seeing the last of my hopes for Arus dashed, having heard how causal Lotor could toss the word slave around in regards to Arus' people? I feel righteous anger. I want to hurt Lotor. I want to make him feel the pain and humiliations I've gone through, in not just these last few days, but these past ten years.

But is such a thing even possible? I have nothing left, certainly no power with even my right to rule signed away on Lotor's documents. He's truly stripped me of everything, and I am the greater fool for having agreed to it. But I had been so desperate. That desperation allowed me to give up Arus without dictating a strict agreement towards Lotor's plans for it's future. I feel such a fool, even as I know Lotor would never have allowed me to limit his actions where Arus was concerned.

I came to Lotor hoping for Arus' salvation. I know now I've damned it instead. Lotor has never been serious about saving Arus or it's people. He couldn't have been if he could laugh and talk about enslaving my people. And in front of me no less! I fume to be the butt of his joke, to be the sad, foolish queen who had handed her people over to a monster.

My wounds cannot be healed by the fact that I hadn't been able to understand everything Lotor had been saying. The complexities of the Drule language are something I've never been interested in learning, but I do know a handful of words. And nothing in this universe, could ever shake from me the cold dread and fear that fills me, that fills all freedom loving people, upon hearing the Drule word for slave.

That horror had frozen me in place briefly. I had kept on hoping, wishing it was all some awful mistake. That I hadn't heard Lotor and the other Drule talk about Arus and slavery in the same breath. But the word kept repeating through the conversation, until there was no doubt left in me. Lotor was going to enslave the people of Arus, and there was nothing I could truly do to stop him.

Not that I was content to just roll over without trying. I wasn't about to pretend I hadn't heard what Lotor had been saying. I even went so far as to try to end the arrangement between the King and I, for all the good that attempt did me. My arms are bruised where Lotor had grabbed me, hurting me physically in addition to my other torments. I remember his words, his refusal to end things between us. Dread is within me, for I know now he will never, ever let me go. I know it for the truth it is, but I am unable to accept this. Springing into action, I snatch a shirt out of his closet. I don't want to wear anything of his, but Lotor's left me no choice. He tore apart the clothes I had worn when brought to him, and no other replacements had been delivered in the meantime.

I haven't been granted permission to leave, but I'll be damned if I remain here. Damned if I stay and wait for Lotor to visit more indignities and sexual depravities upon me. My hands are shaking badly. It's all I can do to button up the silk shirt. I don't attempt to try and fit into a pair of Lotor's pants. The shirt is long enough to fall down to my knees. It's not an ideal covering. Everyone will know where I have come from, and what I have been doing. It doesn't matter. Nothing does but getting away.

There are guards outside the room, but no one tries to stop me from leaving the King's chambers. I am surprised, but not by much. Lotor surely thinks there is nowhere I can go to escape him, but I intend to prove him wrong. I ignore the leering eyes of the guards, the knowing smirks they give me as they look at my disheveled state. I want to run, but I force myself to remain walking at a normal pace. Force myself not to give away any sign that I am plotting. I know I have only a limited time frame to act, that I have to get away before Lotor returns. Before he thinks to limit my actions.

It is a relief when I reach the corridor where the guest apartments are housed. But I do not relax, not even once I am inside the rooms that is mine. My ladies come out to greet me, roused from their sleep by the way I purposefully slam the door close. They are tired, but gaining awareness as they look at me, clad only in a shirt with my hair wild and tangled. I am sure they think they will have to comfort and console me once more, the women not yet alerted to the grim determination in my eyes.

"Your highness..." None of them have yet grown accustomed to the fact I am no longer a Queen. I don't bother to correct them, my energy and words spent on better things.

"Get dressed." I say, already heading towards the room that serves as my bedroom. "We are leaving."

That sets off a flurry of emotions, my ladies curious, excited, even alarmed. One dares to be hopeful, perhaps thinking Lotor is done with me. I don't dash those hopes, speaking urgently. "There's little time to explain. My arrangement with the King is at an end. Pack what you can carry, and be ready to leave in ten minutes time."

These women are not the trained pilots that the Voltron Force had been, unable to hold back their curiosity and questions. I ignore them, rushing into the bedroom, into the bathroom. Throwing off Lotor's shirt, to take the quickest shower I have ever had. It's not nearly long enough or hot enough to wash off the imagined filth of his touch, but it will have to do.

I don't allow myself to break down. I know it's coming though, that the tears wont be denied for much longer. I'm not even sure what I am doing, except moving to escape Lotor. But even if I get off Doom, what do I hope to accomplish? No one else will stand up to the Empire. No one else will give me shelter. I strongly doubted the fighting nobles of Arus would be willing to unite long enough to stave off Doom's enslavement. If anything, they'd either kill me, or turn me back over to Lotor in the hopes they could cut some deal with him. But Lotor's deals almost always backfired on those he dealt with. I now knew that from experience.

I've been burned by that experience, and the knowledge most likely came too late to save me or Arus. But still I had to try. I couldn't just curl into a ball of misery. Not yet. Not without making a real go at doing something, anything to thwart Lotor. Even if that something was only taking away his favorite bed slave. I then cringed at that thought, but knew that was an accurate word for what he has made me. For all the pretty gowns and jewels he had bestowed on me, I was nothing but a possession. His property. I wasn't a person to him at all, my thoughts and feelings didn't matter. They never had.

I'm still fired with determination, moving through the bedroom. True to Lotor's word, my clothes from Arus had all been disposed of, leaving behind only the obscenely expensive wardrobe he had purchase for me in it's place. I don't want to wear any of those outfits, but can't get away with wearing just a shirt for much longer.

Choosing the least outlandish of the outfits, I dress quickly. Two of my ladies enter the room, immediately going to the closet. I am shocked to see them grabbing at the gowns, and the words fly out of my mouth.

"What are you doing? Leave those!"

"But your highness..." An uncertain look from one. She seems to be pleading for help from her companion.

"But nothing!" I snap. "We don't have time to take a wardrobe of this size with us." I don't soften my tone, even at the stricken look of my maids. "Besides...these don't belong to me. Not truly..."

The ruby red dress with the diamonds sewn into it's bodice is in the maid's hand as she approaches me. "His highness, the King, gave these to you. You don't have to wear it, but think of the good one of these dresses could do. If we sell it..."

She didn't have to finish that sentence, my eyes closing in acknowledgement. "One dress alone could feed a village of people for a month or two..."

They didn't know the real reason behind our leaving. Didn't know about Lotor's plans to enslave Arus. The money the dresses could get us wouldn't solve Arus problems, would only be a bandage over a wound that needed stitches. But a part of me liked the thought of the slap in the face it would be for Lotor to find me gone, and with many of the gowns he had bought for me.

"All right." I sigh. "Bring them. But only as many as you can reasonably carry in your bags."

"Yes, your highness!" They are already scurrying out of the bedroom, their voices muffled as they relay the news to the other maids. More will enter the room, choosing the more expensive looking of the clothing. I join them, carrying some of the jewels that Lotor had supplied to go along with my wardrobe. They are not just another theft, another way to hurt Lotor. I will need whatever money I can obtain from the sale of these items. Not just to buy food and medicine for the people of Arus, but perhaps to fund an army. The very idea of using Lotor's money to pay for a resistance against him could almost make me laugh, if not for the serious nature of what was to happen. I didn't for one minute believe a group of mercenaries could stand up to the might of the Empire, but I knew I couldn't just sit back and do nothing.

I've never been one to be idle. Even as I made one bad choice after another, I had struggled to keep Arus going. To keep the people alive to see another day. I hadn't always done the thing Arus needed most, but then I hadn't always been sure what that something had been. I was positive now that Arus' salvation did not lie with the Drule. That Lotor had never been the answer we needed. My cheeks filled with a burning warmth, a flush of angry humiliation in me as I thought of how far I had degraded myself in wasting time with Lotor these last few days. I felt such a fool, used and manipulated, deluded and lied to. I tried not to think about the despair I had been going through, the suffering I had endured except to use it to continue to fuel my anger.

That anger leaves my tone curt as I snap at my ladies to hurry up. The women don't seem to understand the urgency I feel, actually pausing to debate over which of the dresses to bring. A part of me can understand their dilemma. The more expensive the dress, the better it serves us in the amount of credits it's sale will grant us. But there truly is no time to determine the difference in quality between dresses. I ignore their startled looks and protests, picking up two of the stuffed duffle bags. My servants are still trying to figure out what to do as I move to leave the room. It is only at the last second that the women hurry after me, at least one lugging a bag far heavier than she can manage easily. I do not slow my pace, do not respond to the questions the women have for me.

They don't know anything of what's going on, and for that I almost feel a twinge of guilt. But they are not soldiers, not trained to deal with a crisis such as Arus now faces. If they knew the truth, they would become frightened, foolish. They'd cause us all delays, and the last thing either one of us need is to waste precious minutes trying to calm someone's fears.

My ladies are cautious, but excited to be leaving Doom. They actually chatter as we walk through the castle corridors, giving off the airs of ones who have little care in the world. I feel bad, but it grants us the illusion that nothing is wrong. The Drules we pass, barely give us a second glance, and that includes the guards. They don't know we have no true rights, that we cannot come and go from the castle as we please.

I keep my head raised proudly, leading my ladies to the castle's inside hangar. I am not entirely sure of the direction, but haste prevents me from stopping even to ask directions. Every Drule we pass is cause for me to tense up. I am fearing that at any moment we will be stopped. I wouldn't even be able to breathe if not for the anger that drives me now. Nor can I feel excitement when I hear the faint strains of an engine's roar. Still I can't fight the barest strain of optimism whispering to me that we were going to make it.

And then I turn a corridor, and practically walk into King Lotor. I am sure the color leaves my face, my one chance to get away lost as we stare at each other. Lotor's eyes narrow in on the bags I am carrying, and my hands clench tighter on the straps. I lift my head, as defiant now as I had been ten years ago. My gasping servants come to a halt behind me, and I can practically feel the worry they are experiencing.

"You were going to leave me." It is a statement Lotor voices, the Drule calm and cold as he speaks. There is no use in even trying to deny it, not when I am caught red handed.

"I told you." My own voice is just as cold, not betraying the shaking my insides are doing. "Our arrangement is at an end."

"And I told you that is something you do not get to decide."

I struggle to keep my anger from exploding, my eyes surely aflame with challenge. "It's over, your highness." I feel tempted to take a swing at him, to smash one of the bags I carry into that handsome, arrogant face. But violence won't get me off Doom any quicker. "Do not make a fool of me, or yourself in trying to pretend otherwise."

The anger spikes immediately in his expression in response. One of my ladies, dares to speak, her tone nervous and tight with the tension we all feel. "Your highness...just what is going on?" She is ignored by Lotor and me both, the two of us continuing to glare at each other.

"It is you that is the fool, Allura." Lotor says. "Thinking you could run from me."

My expression is bitter then. "My true fault was believing you could save Arus in the first place. No..." I hiss out a correction. "Thinking you would WANT to save Arus at all."

"You know I don't give a damn about Arus." It's all the confirmation I need, and still it hurts to hear. "I haven't for years."

"This was all a game to you then."

A cruel twist of his lips, Lotor holding my gaze. "Never that. I took my arrangement with you very seriously."

"So seriously." I scoff. "If you truly did, you would have looked for any way to save Arus and the people of that planet without resorting to enslaving them!" My servants all gasp in horror, and a nervous chatter starts up, one of the women sounding close to tears. A snarl and a murderous look from Lotor quickly draws the hysterics to an end before they can truly start.

"You think you know everything." His lip is curling, Lotor sneering at me.

"I know what I heard." I insist.

"Yes, a conversation in a language you don't understand save for a word or two." His tone and expression is mocking, my knuckles going white from how hard I grip the bags' straps.

"I know enough." That makes him scowl, his voice all but roaring out of him.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

One of the maids lets out a frightened whimper. I am amazed the lot of them don't scatter from fear. I say nothing. just lift a eyebrow in challenge.

"You picked out one word in a conversation that held many." Lotor continues. "Yes, both Wensen and I used the word slave when talking about Arus and it's people. Yes, Wensen was advising me to solve the problems of your planet by enslaving the people. But I hadn't decided on any such thing."

I wasn't ready to believe. "You considered it though."

"I won't deny that." Lotor admitted. "There's always a chance that things are too bleak for Arus. But Allura, I assure you I will endeavor to explore all options before that comes to pass."

"That is not good enough!" I snap at him. "My people deserve better..."

"They could have had better if you had been more considering of the options I gave you ten years ago." Lotor retorts. "If you had agreed to marry me..."

"After all you and your father, and your people had done to my planet?" I demand with a scoff.

"No worse than what you did to it yourself." Lotor snaps. The bags hit the floor with a loud thump, my right hand already flying to slap Lotor's cheek. It never connects, the King grabbing hold of me by my wrist. I all but lose it then, snarling, screaming as I use my left hand to beat my fist against his chest.

"I never had a chance!" I'm shouting, struggling. The ladies from Arus are appalled, standing frozen as they watch my attempts to hurt Lotor. They are not the only ones. There are Drules in the hall, ones that pause to watch the scene I am making, with great interest. "You and your father saw to that! You Drules left me with a ruined world! It's been all I can do to keep the planet going, to keep the people alive!"

I scream louder when Lotor secures a grip on my left wrist, my legs kicking out in an attempt to hurt him. His expression is angry now, Lotor hardly tolerant of my behavior. I'm barely aware of what I am saying, hurling insults against him, making threats. Excited murmurs fill the corridor, the watching Drules not shy about what they are saying. I can't understand all of what they are saying, but their words only seem to infuriate Lotor further. I can feel trickles of blood where his nails dig into my skin, but I am deadened to the pain.

Suddenly I find myself in the air, Lotor throwing me over his shoulder. I scream a furious challenge, my hands free to pound fists on his back, to grab and pull at his hair. A hand comes down hard on my ass, Lotor slapping it in an attempt to calm me. It doesn't work. Not even the white, frightened faces of the women from Arus can get me to see reason in the moment.

"Bastard!" I scream! "Son of a bitch!" I hear the sound of something splintering, Lotor carrying me into darkness. Somewhere, in the back of my mind I register he's kicked in a door, that we're in a room now. And then I am thrown, my back hitting the unbending frame of a leather chair. My anger is such that I don't sit there stunned. I spring up, fingers curled into claw shapes, intent on raking my nails down Lotor's perfect face.

Lotor is ready for me, easily catching hold of me, and throwing me back into the chair. Again I refuse to remain sitting, flinging myself at him. I don't even get one good scratch in, before I am forced into the chair again. This time instead of trying to get up, I lash out with my legs, wild and as furious as Lotor is.

"Damn it Allura!" I hear him snarl, fabric ripping. "Control yourself, or I will do it for you!"

In response, I flail both my arms and my legs, trying desperately to strike him with anything that can reach. I hate the ease in which he avoids my flailing limbs, the Drule's eyesight such that he can see far better in the dark than I can ever hope to.

I don't stop fighting, even as he presses against me, his body cradled on either side of my kicking legs. When I go to gouge out his eyes with my fingers, I feel silk being wound around my wrists. I scream out a no, not wanting to be bound. Not wanting to be made to be further in at his mercy. More fabric is ripped, the expensive clothing I wear being torn off me. He uses the remains of it to bind me thoroughly, my hands behind my back, my legs spread and hooked over the arm rests of the chair.

Outside the darkened room, I can hear my ladies crying. They fear for me, but will not move to save me. Not that I expect them to do anything. Not when they are as much a prisoner as I am.

"You need a lesson in manners." Lotor says. I can't see very well, can only make out the shadowy shape of him.

"I hardly expect a savage like you to teach me!" I hiss in retort. The act of being bound has calmed the worst of my fury, though I still retain my anger. It's either that or cry, and I can't give him the satisfaction of my tears.

"You're acting no better than the savage you claim me to be." Lotor growls. "And all because of a little misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding? Your ambitions and lust ruined me and my world! You and your Drules helped to steal the future of MY people!"

"I was ready to give you back that future!" He snaps. "I was ready to make amends for what the Drules had done..."

"If you truly wanted to right the wrongs of Doom's past, then you would never have demanded such a price! You would have..."

"I would have what?" Lotor demands. "Helped Arus out of the goodness of my heart?"

"YES!" A mocking laughter follows my exclamation. I almost deflate then, my head starting to lower. "I should have known. There's never been any goodness in you...you never even had a heart to begin with."

"Oh I had a heart." He assures me. "But you saw to the destroying of it."

"Me?"

"I LOVED you, Allura." He told me. "I loved you with every fiber of my being. I would have..." I had started laughing then, the sound full of disbelief and mockery. I heard Lotor snarl, fingers sinking into my hair.

"You're incapable of love." I managed to say, wincing as he pulled on my hair. "You've always been! You don't treat someone you love the way you have treated me. Not just now, but back then too!"

"I worshipped you, Allura!"

"You stalked me!" I snap back.

"I was trying to get your attention." He says, ignoring the rude noise I make. "You were a difficult woman to court."

"To court?" I snort in response. "Is THAT what you were doing?"

"I was kind to you." He insists. "I treated you with the respect I thought you deserved. I did nothing to harm you."

"You kidnapped and terrorized me on several occasions!" I shout. "You made me watch as my own people were whipped, tortured. You gave me terrible choices, forcing me to decide which evil I could stomach more!"

"My methods may have been extreme..." He acknowledge. "But I was trying to get you to recognize that I loved you."

"Love?" The disgust was evident in my voice, my lips curling.

"I could have done a lot worse." He says, his voice dropping to a low mutter. "In a way, you did me a favor, Allura."

"Oh?" I was still sneering.

"You helped vanquish the love sick fool I had once been." He grumbles then. "I was practically naive when in the grips of my crush. I did stupid things when I should have just taken what I wanted. But then, it's not as though you would have made a good Queen. For Arus or for my Empire."

Cheeks burning, I hiss. "I managed as best I could, given the resources available to me, and the limited education my advisors could give me." It was an education I should have received from my parent's own hands, the former King and Queen being the best equipped to groom their daughter into a capable ruler. Their murders hadn't just robbed me of my parents, but of the knowledge I had needed to rule.

"I'm not interested in your excuses." Lotor retorts in a bored tone. "I am just relieved, thankful you turned me down. It saved me the disaster of having you as my queen."

"Disaster?" I sputter, glaring at the shadowy figure that is Lotor.

"You're not very diplomatic, or smart. And you were never a very good soldier. You make one bad choice after another, and while you may not be solely responsible for Arus' current state, you did nothing to stave off it's decline." I can't make out his face, but I can hear the grim amusement in his voice. "In fact aside from your beauty, I cannot think of one other thing you've got going for you. You really aren't fit for anything other than the use I have for you." An actual chuckle then. "And sex alone does not a good Queen make."

"Go to Hell!" I snarl, and actually spit in the direction of his face. He makes an angry sound, and then I feel his hand rubbing across my scalp. The bastard was using it to wipe the spit off, and that only angered me further. "I hate you!" I growl, and turn my head quickly, snapping my teeth at the offending hand.

He pulls back too quickly for me to land the bite, but Lotor is angry all the same. "This feeling is mutual."

I'm not as surprised as I should be, but then he hadn't treated me with the kind of care a person you loved and respected, or even just liked a little, deserved. He had used me, disregarded me feelings, and treated me as no more than receptacle for his lusts.

"I despise you." Lotor was saying. "I hate you for what you did, for what you took from me, for the dreams you destroyed."

"You mean the delusions!" I correct snidely. His hand was on my cheek, fingers actually moving in a caressing motion. That gentle touch made my skin crawl, my head moving to shake off his hand. His fingers slide into my hair once more, Lotor stilling my head's movements.

"Delusion is as apt a word as anything else." He agreed, Lotor leaning in to graze his lips over my cheek. It was too close to a kiss for me to be anything but calm, my body starting to tremble. "On one hand, I was spared having you for a wife."

"And the other?" I was anxious now, wondering what he would say, what he would do.

His lips grazed downwards, Lotor finding the pulse point of my neck. Instead of answering with words, he bit down, causing my body to jerk against the restraints. Lotor made a sound, a purr of satisfaction as he got the briefest taste of my blood on his fangs. Even before his fingers slid over my groin, cupping then spreading my sex open, I knew what he intended to do.

"No." I began to thrash about, not wanting him to touch me, to use me in that manner. But the restraints held, my body tied and spread for display. His fingers easily slipped inside me, searching, probing. But I wasn't in anyway aroused, feeling sick and hating him. Hating that he would use me this way, and that I was helpless to stop him.

"Do...don't." I hated the begging tone in my voice, the way my breath hitched in panic. I wasn't fearing him in the moment, but the traitorous reactions he could pull from me. It was wrong to feel any kind of pleasure from acts performed by a man you hated. A man you despised and wanted dead. But more than that, I didn't want to enjoy this, didn't want to ever again be used by him. My body had been the coin in which I had purchased help for Arus, but the help Lotor wanted to give was not what I had anticipated or wanted.

He continued to feast at my pulse point, licking and sucking at the pin prick sized punctures he had made. Save for the initial bite, the actual blood drinking didn't hurt. In fact it almost felt good, the suction making my eyelids grow heavy.

His fingers crooked inside me, the tips rubbing over my passage's wall. I shifted as best I could, making a sound that was half distress and half a concession. His tongue was in my ear, Lotor having abandoned my neck to lick elsewhere.

"Stop it." I hiss.

"Arus still needs me."

"We don't WANT your help." I retort.

"You have it all the same." He answers, his voice a husky whisper in my ear. I shiver, his fingers still rubbing, still twisting and teasing inside me. "And all that is required for it, is for you to lie back and take all that I have for you."

"I won't..." But there was nothing I could do in the moment, a fact we both knew.

"You will. Anytime and anywhere, whenever I want you."

"I'll fight you!" I didn't sound as brave or as determined as I could be, not with that quiver in my voice. It was arousal coming out, a moan I was fighting not to voice. For all my hate and disgust, what his fingers were doing DID feel good.

"I'll enjoy your resistance as much as your earlier submission." Lotor retorts.

"Damn you!" I shriek. "I hate you!" My voice raises in a scream, and I repeat myself over and over, building myself up to a hysterical note. "Hate you, hate you, hate you!"

And then his wet fingers are in my mouth, shoved inside mid scream. I taste the juice of my arousal, the proof of my body's betrayal. I scream wordlessly around the fingers, and then bite down as hard as I can manage. Lotor grunts, but doesn't try to remove his fingers, letting me scream on. I can hear voices from the hall, my ladies from Arus panicking at my cries. I can't reassure them, and I can't stop screaming, hearing the rustle of fabric.

The hot, hard feel of him throbs between my legs. The tears I shed are angry, but I am ashamed by them all the same. By my tears and my body's eager reaction in welcoming Lotor inside me. My scream dies down in a strangle, a moan escaping me in it's place. I can only be grateful for the darkness, for I can't see Lotor's expression, can't see his triumphant smirk. All I can do is feel, the thrusting shaft inside me, the smug satisfaction oozing off of Lotor.

I alternate between screaming and moaning, forgetting to bite down. Lotor keeps his fingers in my mouth the entire time, the King not wanting to hear my pleas, or listen to the curses and threats I have for him. He's barely talking himself, save for a few low muted words in Drule. The rest of the time he just grunts, or lets out overly exaggerated moans that are steeped in pleasure.

Bad enough he uses me this way, hateful sensations are being built within me. The pleasure that I feel is so at war with my anger and disgust, a climax being built closer and closer to erupting inside me. I scream all the more, tears flowing faster, fearing my orgasm. It's more humiliating when I don't get it, Lotor releasing inside me with a drawn out scream of his own.

The liquid heat filling me startles me, but can't compare to the unexpected disappointment, the neediness I feel to have not come when I was so close to a climax. I weep for real now, my crying bitter, sad. He's ruined me, my body and mind having gotten so used to the pleasure he forces on me that I feel upset at having been denied.

I don't understand how twisted up inside he makes me. Nor do I like how desire and hate have been tangled together at his hands. I'm more determined than ever to get away, to stop him. To save myself if not Arus. But I can't stop crying, my voice sounding hoarse from all the screaming I had done. I can barely make out Lotor talking, the King telling my ladies to come in and attend to me. It will be some time before any of them have the courage to enter the darkened room, the women frightened of what Lotor has left behind.

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Long chapter is long...:O

Ah...for the most part I like how this chapter came out. Though for a while it didn't feel like I could get the sex in...lot of stuff happened that I needed to happen for something I am setting up. It won't be apparent right away...and I don't want to spoil it. It will take a few chapters before the fall out happens of what I've been working to set up. Course I might need a break from this fic before I write anymore. But I feel like I keep saying every chapter I will take a break to work on one of my other fics, but then I somehow get another chapter for THIS fic written.

I don't know if I ever stated it, but I never saw Cost of Regret as being a happy fic. Even when it was just supposed to be about writing a sex scene. Right now I have two endings in mind, but I worry. I get the feeling at least one would disappoint people...*doesn't want another Harem Slave outcry.*

Next chapter is supposed to be an Allura chapter too...I know what I want to happen at the end, but figuring out how to advance it to that point is proving a wee bit difficult. ^^;;

To Be Continued...

Michelle

Scorpinac, thanks on all accounts! :) Ah....it's not quite the talking they needed, since they both didn't come away understanding the other's view point of their situations. And Allura did seem intent on killing or at least physically hurting him! She just snapped, and is all, "No more submissive victim am I!" Still a long way to go before I get to the ending I am leaning towards (And no one dies in it so yay!) but I think one character needs to mature a lot more before that ending can be believeable. Sadly, I see both possible endings as having people who like the ending, and don't like the ending. It depends on how they view it, and which character matters more to them I guess. The whole it's a happy ending if Lotor gets to keep her at the cost of Allura's happiness mentality I encountered far too much with Harem Slave is at play with one of the endings I see. I shouldn't stress about it so soon though.....I'm hoping though I could pull off a miracle and get this story wrapped up in the 30's. But again it comes down to which ending, and if I can get that maturing to happen for the ending I favor. Who knows...the series of chapters I have to work on now....could affect things with how it evolves, and then I end up with a ending that isn't the two I am seeing. :O I'm still fascinated watching how this story evolves...even once I think I have it all figured out, it throws curveballs at me! XD But now I am babbling incesstantly, becuase of my desire to delay working on this Allura POV. So I'll shut up now! XD
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The Cost of Regret