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(Never) Let Him Know	By : Fullmetal_Masochist Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1808 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters in the series. I am making no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 14
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- 16
The last few days went by as a blur to me. I called out of work, using my leg as the excuse. Didn't bother going to school, either. I just wanted to avoid as much of the outside world as possible, because everything in it reminded me of Hide. I couldn't escape his presence within my apartment either, since he had been unofficially living here until recently.
When I got home that day, all I could do was curl up in bed and try to process what I'd learned. Hide intended to strike me with his car that day. How could he have gone so long keeping that secret? I believed there were no more secrets between us since I'd found him working at Mado's. We had worked through that so well; I'd come to trust him so completely. To find out that our entire relationship was built upon one lie crushed me. How could I look him in the eye and believe anything he said after this? While trying to sort through these emotions, I ignored the fact that I hadn't eaten in nearly two days. I felt weak, which lead to me spending more time in bed. I was broken, nothing more to it than that. And I wasn't sure how to fix myself, or if I even wanted to be fixed.
Hide had listened when I said not to follow me. He called and left messages and texts but respected my request to leave me be. My voicemail was full now, but I didn't bother to listen to them. Hearing his voice right now would only hurt more. His texts were repeated apologies and requests to talk in person to better explain himself. I didn't reply because I felt there was nothing left to say.
As I got up to use the bathroom, I felt the soreness in my hip deepen. As I opened the medicine cabinet to take out my pain pills, I noticed my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen from crying, which made my face look paler in comparison.
I wondered if Hide felt as bad as I looked right now. Deep inside, I hoped it wasn't so, that he wasn't miserable without me. My mother used to tell me, "Instead of a person who hurts others, become the person who gets hurt. It is okay if you lose because of your love and kindness. Ken, a kind person only needs those things in order to be happy." Even now, I wanted to be the only one hurt by this. I was such a fool.
As I was about to take the pills, I realized that I hadn't eaten anything. I made the mistake once of taking them on an empty stomach. As shitty as I felt, having that reaction on top of it just wasn't something I wanted to experience right now. I didn't see anything worth eating when I checked my fridge. I knew I'd have to step outside eventually, may as well do it now. I resolved to treat myself to a hamburger from the closest store to my place. The pain in my hip worsened, but at least I was feeling something.
I ravaged the burger and took the pills before I even got back to my building. I'd bought extras for later, although it was only out of the desire to not have to leave again. As I got to my floor, I met Touka in the hallway. I kept my head down towards the ground, hoping she wouldn't notice my appearance.
"Kaneki, you look like shit, what's going on with you?"
I paused on my walk back, my head hung low, "It's nothing. See you around, Touka."
"Bullshit!" she said as she blocked my path back to my apartment. "Start talking, or I'm gonna make you look even worse."
Knowing there was no getting past her, I sighed and began explaining my situation. I told her about the last day I'd seen Hide, where Tsukiyama revealed Hide's big secret about the car accident. Touka looked shocked when I said it wasn't an accident but a deliberate plan that Hide had thought up.
"That was stupid of him, so is that why I haven't seen him coming or going lately?"
I nodded, "I told him not to follow me back here. I'm so confused; it's like everything I thought I knew and felt for Hide is nothing but lies now."
"Not really, Kaneki. Think about it. Here's this guy that wanted to know you better, but you were too damn shy or dense to see it. He doesn't want to give up on you, but he's desperate to find a way to get through to you. Men aren't always logical when it comes to stuff like romance and love. He had this silly idea to get you to notice him and completely screwed it up. Yeah, he's a moron for doing something so potentially dangerous, but that doesn't nullify the fact that he liked you from the very beginning. You're a great guy, Kaneki. He recognized that about you and did all he could to help you see it, too. You're more confident now, and I know he's the reason for that. Finding this out is understandably confusing, but it doesn't mean he's not sincere. So, don't screw up this amazing thing the two of you have because you're afraid. He loves you, genuinely, and you don't find that often."
As usual, Touka comes through with solid advice. "You're right, how is it so easy for you to see all that but not me?"
"Like I said, men suck at being perceptive about romance. So just take some time for yourself, get out and do something other than sulking in your room, then have a long talk with him. This isn't the end of the world, Kaneki, at least he didn't cheat on you."
"Well, when you put it that way, I suppose there could have been worse things to happen. Thank you, Touka. I really needed to hear what you had to say; I'm grateful to have you as a friend."
"You were my main support when I decided to move out instead of staying with my folks for school. I don't think I would have stayed as committed to my classes or found my career choice if you hadn't helped me. So, don't worry about it, you helped me get my school life in order, so helping with your love life is only fair. I know it won't be easy for you to face him but use the confidence he inspired in you to get through it. Take care and let me know how it goes, okay?"
"Sure thing, see you later."
It took me three days after my impromptu conversation with Touka to contact Hide. I had called work to tell them I'd be coming back and found out that Hide had resigned the day I walked off. My chest felt heavy with the thought that he wouldn't be there anymore, but I didn't let it shake my nerve. I sent him a message asking to meet at my apartment that night. He immediately replied saying that he'd be there. I went to work after that, taking Touka's advice to avoid hiding away in my room and get outside. I grew more nervous the closer it got to my time to go home. I spent most of my shift rehearsing in my mind just what I wanted to tell Hide tonight.
As I walked home, I noticed the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee coming from Anteiku, a small cafe halfway between the store and home. I was familiar with it since Touka had taken a part-time job there over the summer and still went in when she had spare time between classes. Looking at my phone, I saw I had time before I told Hide I'd be home, so I stepped inside. A good cup of coffee and some reading would help soothe this anxiety.
Behind the counter stood my doctor, Yoshimura, dressed not in his physician's coat and scrubs, but a pin-striped vest and apron.
"Dr. Yoshimura! I wasn't expecting to see you here, at least not behind the counter."
"Ah, Kaneki, it's good to see you well. Yes, I've been the owner of this little shop for quite some time, although until recently, my involvement was mainly behind the scenes. I've partially retired from the hospital now, so I have more time to spend in the shop. Something is satisfying about making a well-brewed cup of coffee, wouldn't you agree? Please have a seat, and I'll bring you one."
"Thank you, sir." I settled down at one of the smaller tables with two seats. I remembered the last time I was here. Hide had been sitting across from me, drinking an iced coffee with far more sugar in it than coffee. The memory triggered a smile on my face but soon faded as I stared at the empty seat. I took out the latest Takatsuki book from my bag and opened it up to where I left off. Yoshimura returned with my coffee, thanked me for visiting and excused himself so I could get back to my story.
A flash of color caught my eye and brought my focus away from the page. A young lady with long flowing violet hair had walked past me to take a seat nearby. What kept my attention on her wasn't the hue of her hair, but the fact that she had the same book that I was currently reading. Takatsuki was a well-known author, but it was rare that I saw other fans of her work. I watched her for a short time as she opened her book and began reading. Our eyes met, and I quickly looked away, hoping that I didn't come off as a creep or stalker. I buried my face in my book and tried to avoid her distraction again.
Suddenly, I felt a finger tap me on the shoulder. I looked up to see the girl staring down at me with a smile on her face.
"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I couldn't help but notice your book. Are you a fan of Takatsuki Sen?"
"U-Uh, yes, I am, she's my favorite author!"
"How delightful! I don't meet many people that share the same reading tastes as I do. My name is Kamishiro Rize. And you are?"
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(Never) Let Him Know