Nightshift

Nightshift
Eternal

Maya nervously picked at her food as Shinji quietly ate, their late night dinner something both were accustomed to by now. In a way, this was what she wanted since she left home but it still wasn’t the conversations she missed or the silly jokes she loved. She was always someone who enjoyed talking over dinner but it wasn’t the mundane topics that made her a fan of something most thought of as a bother.

It was the reassurance of having someone there to talk to in the first place that meant the most. Listening and talking was one thing but just being there was undeniably important. Shinji was very much there, sitting in front of her eating his cooking but it still felt like she was alone.

The shuffling on the other side of the table was enough to refute that but it also meant that he was finished eating. Before he could get up, the question she had on her mind since they returned from headquarters slipped out of her mouth before she could think of how she wanted to phase it.

“D-Do you want to watch a movie with me?”

She bit on her lip, her face starting to color upon realizing she could have left off the last part. Shinji on the other hand was unfazed by her question and the way she shyly turned away, “No thank you Miss Ibuki.” He smoothly replied, not sparing her a glance before he walked towards the garbage can.

“Oh… Okay.”

Another attempt to befriend her charge was shot down with ease. Crestfallen, she got up and followed him to throw in the rest of her instant ramen. As Shinji walked towards his room his guardian was left deflated, a feeling she was familiar with but never to this extent.

Maya sighed, the responsibility placed on her was almost more than she could handle. With Doctor Akagi being apprehended, she was granted her former superior’s access level and things she didn’t want to know came along with the brand new keycard in her pocket.

However, an unwanted promotion was one thing…

“Good night.” He whispered, leaving the kitchen for his room as he spoke.

Becoming the guardian of the best pilot was another.

Even if she didn’t like to phrase it as such, pilots were an expendable asset. Shinji was the sole exception. His value to NERV was immeasurable, the fact that he was the most experienced pilot not the only reason.

He meant that much but this was all he got in return. She wasn’t really his guardian as much as she was there to make sure he didn’t kill himself. Suicide watch… The thought of finding Shinji dead sent shivers down her smile, the mental image she had making it a good idea to check on him. Before long, she peeking into the guest room she gave him and saw the same thing she always did.

Hazel eyes came to rest on the pilot who peacefully laid on his bed listening to music, the volume low enough so he could hear his cell phone if it rung. Maya let out a relieved sigh but, in the back of her mind, she knew Shinji would never do it.

Shinji was different now. The drastic change in his personality reflected many things among them the adversity he constantly dealt with and looked forward to. His friends, people he knew since he first arrived were dying around him and now he had to sortie alone.

The major and his classmate died on the same day, a direct result of the failed activation of Unit 03 but, ultimately, that was only the beginning. Asuka’s synch ration plummeted and Unit 02 rejected her. Doctor Akagi, one of the few survivors of the thirteenth Angel’s attack, was detained for revealing classified information. Unit 01 barely survived after engaging the fourteenth, Unit 00 was lost to the last Angel, Kaji disappeared and the list went on…

Maya bowed her head, pinching the bridge of her nose as she took a deep breath.

All of those things had an obvious effect on Shinji but, to her, there was no doubt that Asuka’s suicide hit him the hardest. The apartment he shared with his coworkers was important to him but she denied him that by ordering him to live with her.

Often she wondered if the way he acted was out of anger but she came to realize that he just wasn’t the person he used to be for obvious reason. He held no protest and only asked if he could cook every once in a while.

“Miss Ibuki?” Shinji removed his headphones upon noticing her standing in the doorway, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Maya answered immediately before turning away from him, “And… you can call me by my first name when we aren’t at headquarters Shinji.”

He nodded before lying back down, the things he thought about a complete mystery to her but she knew for sure he never bothered to use her first name and wasn’t going to. She liked to think that they were at least friends but, more than that, Shinji was someone she admired. He ran away before but he was there when everyone needed him.

Still, it would be a lie if she said she didn’t feel sorry for him. The things he had to contend with were something normal children couldn’t even begin to fathom. She already resigned herself to the fact that she wouldn’t be able to help him, anything she could possibly do something that he was more than likely already capable of.

“I’ll take you to the synch test tomorrow if you want.” Maya said, feeling her presence probably bothered him more than it helped.

The pilot rolled on his side, “No thank you Miss Ibuki.”

~*~

He looked out the window and saw a city dyed orange, the setting sun giving up the last of its light for a setting so bleak. In spite of its beauty, anyone could tell something was wrong with the view and something certainly was.

The sun kept its position and never sunk below the horizon, an eternal sunset in a city so lonely. His eyes scanned the windows of buildings and he saw no lights, no people. The streets were just as empty and he had no reason to look any further, already knowing that no one was there.

This was something he saw before…

He couldn’t remember why or how he got here but he was sure that he saw this sight before. Unfortunately, someone did and she wouldn’t allow him to remain ignorant.

With a smirk that seemed so familiar, she was happy to remind him, “You’re inside Unit 02.”

Shinji, his memory restored, turned away from the sad sight the window gave him and faced the woman that made the place seem that more depressing, “It’s you…”

Sky blue eyes that held a gaze that couldn’t be shaken, auburn hair longer than her back, a white sundress that reminded him of a bright yellow one his roommate treasured, and the fair complexion it brought out… He mistook her for Asuka but the truth was something that didn’t make the situation any better.

“Yes boy,” Kyoko smiled at him from the bed in the corner, “It’s me.”

“Why…” He sighed and returned to looking out the window, “Why do you like reminding me?”

“It’s pitiful to forget.” She voiced with no hesitation as she crossed her legs, “This isn’t some escape or some place to flee from reality. I remind you for your own sake.”

“You say it like I’m running away but I’m inside Unit 02.” Shinji replied, his tone neutral as his eyes ran over the gloomy city, “I’m not looking for a place to hide or anything now…”

“Ha,” Kyoko clapped before she stood up, “You’re pretty talkative today.” She started walking across the old wooden floor of the one room apartment, “What is this place to you then?”

With her question, he took a look at the apartment with apathy virtually written across his face. It was certainly old evident by the cobwebs and the general condition of the room but it was the atmosphere that made it feel that way more than disrepair. Things like the broken boards in the floor, chipping paint, and cracked window frame could always be fixed but feeling was something this place wouldn’t ever be able to shake off.

His sight fell on her as he held his answer. Thanks to the pure white of her dress, the dusty and faded colors of the room only served to make her stand out that much more. She stopped in front of him, red hair faintly landing on her back as she came to a halt in front of him.

She laced her hands behind her back and leaned forward, beaming at her guest as her dress caught the rays of sunlight from the window, “So?”

“This place means nothing to me.”

“Interestingly enough, I feel the same way.” Kyoko admitted with ease, straightening her back as she received his reply, “But back then…” Her eyes took a look to them that couldn’t be possessed by a person that young but Shinji knew she was older than she appeared just on principle, “Back then… I was always optimistic, so naïve. It was so hot that year in Germany but I don’t think I ever saw the sky so clear for the rest of my life.”

Shinji listened to her and idly noticed that there weren’t any clouds in the sky. The beautiful array of colors blended into each other without a single puff of white, not even one cloud in the whole evening sky. Unlike the dull apartment, the sky was bright and lively with deep colors that awed him no matter how many times he looked upward.

“Needing a man to depend on? Ha, my mother was stupid. I left to prove that I was independent, to show them that I didn’t need anyone and this is what I gained in the process.” She spun around with her arms spread wide, the end of her dress twisting around with her, “I got an apartment that only had a bed and a window. I had to go downstairs to use the filthy bathroom, I had to somehow scrape together money to get a piece of bread, and I had to walk to school since I didn’t have the money to ride the bus.”

“Even then boy I knew that I wanted the best, that I deserved it. This place means less than nothing to me, the people I associated with during that time less than that.” Her monologue came to a close as she turned towards him, “I often wondered why, out of all the places I’ve been, I have to see this apartment but I realized too long ago that this place symbolizes the life of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu.”

The girl never lost her smile but that didn’t at all mean it was sincere. She spoke of possibly the worst time in her life with ease, taking pride in the fact that she noticed and knew things about this place that others wouldn’t. That smile was, of course, mischievous but it was a smile nonetheless…

Was that the reason she resembled Asuka so much aside from the obvious fact that she was her mother? She was older but her appearance was that of a girl on the verge of being a woman, not a lady at the height of her life. The values Asuka pinned on her pride were there but the immature flaws of her character were not.

Asuka and Kyoko were alike but there were just as many differences as similarities. Her mother, although she stood before him as a teenager, was still a grown woman mentally. Kyoko did not joke nor did she make any attempt to seek attention. When she moved, it was with a grace Asuka never attained and when she spoke it was with a slight bitterness in regard to the things she experienced.

In thinking about his late roommate, he couldn’t help but recall Kyoko’s disdain for the former pilot. She never mentioned it directly but then again he never asked.

So he did.

“Asuka…” Kyoko’s eyes narrowed as he said the name of her daughter, “Why didn’t you show this to Asuka?”

“That would have been a better question for you to ask her.”

“But you reject-“

“Ha!” She stopped him before he could even think about finishing that sentence, “She rejected me! I’m not Unit 02 boy. She couldn’t pilot because, deep down, she really didn’t want to and I wouldn’t have helped her even if I could.”

Help was a pitiful word, something muttered by people that couldn’t do something on their own. To Kyoko, receiving help was humiliating but asking for it was the ultimate disgrace and, even if she never said anything, Asuka was always begging for help.

He used to be the same way but she could tell by his body language that at least he wasn’t that weak anymore; surviving while people around him didn’t striped him of useless things like hope. Just being here though was enough to let her know that he didn’t yet isolate himself though.

Shinji didn’t react to her words but, if he did, she wouldn’t notice. His cobalt eyes were locked on her, his attitude just as nonchalant as it was before but his expression was one she couldn’t quite make out.

“Is it because she killed herself?”

Just like Asuka, he could virtually see her temper start to flare but her anger was concentrated into a single glare. She stepped forward and he found himself stepping backwards, pressed into the wall he was leaning on. She moved closer until they were literally face to face but said and did nothing.

“I’m sor-“

“Suicide…” She coolly stated, almost like she was waiting to interrupt him, “The thought of it is so revolting it makes me sick. My own daughter succumbs to something so pathetic and you expect me to praise her?”

“It isn’t like that.” Shinji said with a small voice, somehow finding the strength to look her in the eyes, “Asuka wasn’t weak… She was just tired.”

For all intents and purposes, he didn’t know Asuka. They were a number of things to each other but at the end of the day they were really only pilots that lived with each other. They were close but just enough to work together, they cared but just enough to ensure that neither died in the field.

That said, even thought they were barely friends he understood… He understood how it felt to pilot and he certainly knew what came with it. Perhaps he did know her more than he thought he did.

He was the one who found her but all he could remember was the rope, the knot she made the sole thing that held his attention but he knew it was only because he kept his sight there. He dared not look down knowing what he would discover but why?

The guilt at not rushing in when he heard the chair fall? The fact that he didn’t do much to help her situation? The relieved smile he knew would be on her face?

Kyoko’s chuckle brought him out of his musing, “Let me guess boy, you’re tired too?”

He already knew that he was too weak to follow her but he was still just as tired as she was if not more…

“I am.” Shinji admitted as she eased off him, his reply amusing her to the point where she couldn’t hold her laughter anymore. She laughed out loud and in his face. He didn’t know what she found so funny but he decided against asking another question.

“Boy… No, Shinji,” The redhead corrected herself as she carefully made her way back to the bed. She could fell that he was leaving; the proverbial strings that connected them severed as they fell out of synch, “It’s a good thing you came.”

He couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t.

~*~

The sounds from the movie reached his room but Shinji wasn’t at all interested in the hearty laughter or corny lines that drifted from Maya’s television. He focused on the envelope he held in his hand, nothing written on the outside to tell him the contents or even who it came from.

The pilot sat up and raised the letter over his head. He saw through the thin envelope and the light allowed him to see the single character written on the note inside. Using careful brush strokes that she probably strained to get right seeing how bad her handwriting normally was, she wrote a message and it was painfully clear.

Die

That was all she wrote.

It wasn’t one of her practical jokes or even anything to take lightly. She was serious, the only thing she had left to say able to sum up everything she needed to voice. She didn’t call him an idiot, his stupidity one thing she believed he probably had since birth. She didn’t call him a pervert, the fact that he did think about her sometimes something she was all too aware of.

She didn’t call him an invincible hero, the proof that he wasn’t not around to say that he was.

He looked at the character again. The way it was written was tender, almost affectionate. He wondered, instead of being the peak of her hatred if this was the only way left for her to show him that she cared.

“Ahh!”

Shinji bolted up and looked outside his room to find Maya on the floor rubbing her knee. Popcorn was scattered everywhere, the big bowl that once contained the kernels upside down right next to his guardian.

Upon noticing his presence, she gasped but her charge made no mention of the compromising position she was in when he reached out his hand, “I’ll clean this up so you can finish watching your-“

“N-No!” Maya said, her voice coming out like a squeak thanks to how embarrassed she felt, “I was going to ask if you wanted some popcorn b-but I saw you looking at… God, I’m sorry for bothering you Shinji.”

Shinji’s expression softened as he shook his head, “That’s okay, I was just thinking that’s all.” The pilot said as he helped her up. He watched as she swept the popcorn off her uniform but his mind wasn’t on the bits of yellow and white that was collecting under her.

More than being clumsy or able to work well, he wondered how she managed to stay upbeat. In the back of his mind, couldn’t help but ponder how she could do things like watching television when the world could end tomorrow but, by thinking about it, he came to realize that was the reason she did stuff like that.

She was making a conscious effort to do things like this… Was she trying to do things she never had the chance to do before? Did she truly believe that she didn’t have long to live? Did she really believe that he was going to mess up?

He looked up with the intention of asking her something, anything to make him think otherwise but she was already gone. It was obvious that everyone was depending on him but he knew more than anyone that he was going to eventually let them down.

It wasn’t just his coworkers that depended on him but all of humanity. Every single human life was something that he carried every time he faced an Angel… At first, he got in Unit 01 for the sake of a single person but now he piloted for billions.

Knowing that Maya was more than likely off to get the broom, he walked back into his room and looked at the envelope he left on the bed. That small, little letter told him to give up on those people… It told him it was okay to be tired.

He knew there was a chance he would never quite understand why she wrote with such elegant strokes or why she didn’t even mention the unaddressed letter while she was still alive, but above all context, the intended message was there.

It didn’t matter though.

Shinji lifted the letter and looked at it one more time.

The next Angel was probably going to get him anyway…

~*~

His eyes trailed from on dilapidated building to the next but nothing moved and nothing changed. Instead of looking at the dead city, he again turned to the sky. He saw the warm orange that hugged the horizon and he looked up until he could see stars in the dark blue.

This time he didn’t forget, the reminder he would have received something she couldn’t give him this time around. Instead, she sung an unfamiliar song in a language he didn’t know as she laid on the bed.

“I don’t get it…” Shinji said to himself as he took his elbow off the windowsill and stood straight up.

Kyoko stopped singing and opened her eyes. It was rare for him to talk without being spoken to, “Hmm?”

“How can you say this place represents your life?”

She laced her fingers behind her head before closing her eyes and laid back down. When she said this place meant nothing to her she wasn’t lying but the things it symbolized went beyond just her life, “Not only my life but myself, too. I’m an ugly existence.”

She opened one of her eyes to peek at him, not surprised to find him starting at her with questions written all over his face, “How? Why? Reasons don’t matter when you end up like this but it’s the same way with you.”

“What,” He paused, unsure if he honesty wanted to know, “What do you mean we’re the same?”

Kyoko smirked as she sat up, the knowing expression that Asuka always seemed to possess was amplified by her mother, “That beach…” It felt like her crystal blue eyes looked through him as she spoke, “That beach is the most beautiful place I ever seen.”

He had no idea what she was talking about but that didn’t stop her, “Amber waves crashing against the beach, dragging the pale sand into the ocean of orange… The blood in the atmosphere not nearly enough to stop you from looking at the evening sky filled with stars.”

“What are you talking about?” She had all of his attention now, the sight she mentioned something he never seen in his entire life.

Her smile was something that always felt off but never did it disturb him as much as it did now, “The end of the world. Every time you synch with me, I see the same thing. It’s what you wish for after all isn’t it?”

“I’m not trying to do something like that!”

She swung her legs over to side of the bed and got up, her smile only increasing in size as she got a rise out of him for the first time, “It’s okay, you can tell me Shinji. Nothing wrong with being tired right?”

“They left you behind… All of them.” Her smile was lost as she approached him, “The friends that didn’t die left you alone. The only person around is someone you keep at a distance so it won’t hurt when she leaves you.”

“It’s not like that…”

Kyoko placed a hand on his shoulder as she leaned close enough to whisper into his ear, “You want to give up don’t you? You don’t want to fight anymore do you?”

Shinji opened his mouth to speak but she placed a finger on his lips, the denials he was about to spout something she knew was true, “I know… You’re fighting for her, for everyone even the people that died.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything.” She moved back but she wasn’t finished with him at all, “If you want to do something that will be in the best interest of everyone I can offer you a deal.”

He didn’t like the sound of that, “A deal?”

“Shinji, forget about Maya.” She was upfront this time, “She-

“She is important to me.” Shinji admitted, finishing the sentence with his own sentiments.

He should have known that any kind of deal from her wouldn’t be anything good. The things she was saying and the point she was trying to make was something he didn’t want to hear but she obviously didn’t care.

Kyoko was pleased that she inching closer and closer to her goal, the smile on her face something that proved that more than his expression, “We can feel each other even though we aren’t touching. We know things about each other that we shouldn’t know… I can see it just as clearly as that beach Shinji. Anyone could see she doesn’t feel the same.”

“I know that.” Being synched with her allowed him to see flashes of things he never experienced but, more importantly, he knew Maya wouldn’t notice the feelings even he kept at bay, “What do you want from me?” He looked her in the eye as he asked, this conversation one that was starting to try his patience.

She smirked, “If you want to do it like that then I’ll be frank Shinji. I’ll give you something Maya won’t and you’ll set both of us free.”

Just as he thought, it was something he didn’t want part in.

“No thanks.” He said as he turned his back to her, the view outside something that deserved his attention more.

“Hmm? Maya won’t ever kiss you or even touch you Shinji.” The redhead wasn’t surprised or even disappointed, he probably would have cracked when he first arrived if he was the same way he previously was but now she knew it was going to take a bit more time pleading her case to him.

Shinji looked over his shoulder at her, an expression that calmly asked her to shut up something that ensured she wouldn’t. He stared into the eyes that were locked on him, “She isn’t that kind of woman...”

Kyoko grinned, “And I am?”

He shrugged, his apathy evident by how he didn’t even bother to look at her anymore, “I don’t know.”

“There goes my fun.” His attitude didn’t faze her, “I know you’re tired of this Shinji. All you have to do is make a mistake or two against the next Angel and we’re free… You won’t have to pilot and I won’t be trapped here anymore.”

She was asking him to do something he considered many times, something he was close to doing before. All people put on him was pressure hidden behind praise and they expected him to perform like the hero he wasn’t.

He didn’t even defeat the last Angels… Unit 00 stood in that light and withstood the anguish that was meant for him. Rei willingly died for his sake, the fact that she was the third something that only bothered him when he found out. The fourth Rei didn’t even know who he was anymore but he remained grateful to her nonetheless.

She wasn’t the only one who made sacrifices though.

The day he was named the pilot of Unit 02 was the same day Asuka changed. She didn’t talk to him anymore, the defeat she suffered thanks to the fourteenth Angel something that scarred her mentally. She didn’t speak to anyone after that, merely handing out written notes when she needed something and even then it was only one or two words.

He could go down a list… Touji, Doctor Akagi, Hikari, Kensuke, Kaji and that was just to name a few. At least Misato died without having to see the people she cared for breaking one by one.

“You understand?” Kyoko said, her tone changing to reflect that she was serious, “This is for everyone, not just us. It might be hard but this is for the greater good.”

“You know,” He looked at her, the light blue eyes that usually held such intensity were unclouded by things like doubt and fear. Kyoko knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to stop trying but the truth would put a damper on her plans, “Even if I die, there are other pilots.”

“The fourth? I don’t think she knows how to count now much less pilot and the back up certainly can’t be better than you.” The redhead turned to look outside at the sunset that was already burned into her memory, “Besides, what do you have to look forward to? More Angels? Going back to Unit 01? Tell me Shinji, what do you have to live for now?”

“Nothing…” He answered her question softly and honestly, the things she was prepared to say lost as he mentioned the same thing he wrote down on his will. It was true he had nothing to live for but that didn’t mean he was just going to roll over and die.

“Shinji, would you die for me?” She asked with a sweet smile, something she kept hidden away from most.

She knew how he would respond but the fact that she even asked weighed on him. This woman that looked so much like his roommate was, in hindsight, really nothing like her. At the most, Asuka was arrogant and mean but she was a good person.

Kyoko was not.

Undaunted, she continued to smile, “So you’ll submit to that thing in Unit 01 but you won’t help someone who knows how valuable you are? Don’t deny why you are here Shinji. You left life behind the moment you acknowledged this place for what it was. We’re the same.”

“You are crazy…”

“For trying to convince you that you aren’t saving anyone? All you are doing is keeping salvation at bay Shinji. We won’t die when Third Impact occurs. The meaning of life will just change.”

“To what…” He was tired of this now, “People need me. They need me to do this because that’s exactly what they don’t want to happen.”

“To what you ask? To something that’s not this and you know what I’m talking about. You walk into NERV and you see gloom on people’s faces. You wouldn’t go to school even if you could, the guilt you feel condemning you before your friends do. Forget love and all that trash, the person you live with doesn’t even have faith in you Shinji.” Kyoko watched him react to her words, his eyes widening as he came to realize she was right, “This isn’t just for you and-“

“I’ll do it,” Shinji said, his voice lacking any spirit.

That struck him at his core and reverberated inside him.

Faith was something that Shinji always lacked. As long as he could remember, Murphy’s Law was in full effect and rarely did the favor of sparing him. That was okay though. He could keep going, it wasn’t like he had any sort of luck anyway but it was different when people pinned things like hope on his back.

He always knew that he would fail when people needed him the most, the fact that it already happened more than once hurt him to the point where he couldn’t bare the thought of enduring such heartbreak again.

Yes, he always felt that way but for other people to feel the same…

“I’ll do it…” He repeated as he leaned on the windowsill. For once, he didn’t look at the familiar view but instead into the distance as he thought about the things she said.

Kyoko trumpeted over him, her smirk proof of that. She knew Maya was the key to swaying him to her side but now it was time to celebrate. The redhead swung an arm over his shoulders, “It’s a deal then Shinji. You won’t go changing your mind on me now?”

Shinji woefully shook his head. If he didn’t see what he did everyday there was a chance he would have considered asking her more questions about Third Impact but, with matters of the heart looming over his head, he just took her word for it.

It wasn’t the right thing to do but it wasn’t wrong either.

“Now… Let’s hold up my end of the transaction.”

The pilot sighed as he moved, the arm she had draped over his shoulders returning to her side as he stood up, “I think I hate you.”

“Oh? That only makes it better Shinji…” She smiled as she faintly skipped across the room, avoiding the broken boards on the floor with ease, “We don’t have to pretend we love each other here. This place doesn’t have anyone to judge us for what we do or talk about. If it was up to me we would have been having sex from day one.”

Her choice of words was enough to make his eyes shift away from her as she plumped down on the bed, “Why would I-“

“This is really your last chance.” Kyoko graced him with a smile as she kicked off her shoes, “I’ll give myself to you Shinji.”

She could downplay the significance as much as she wanted to but that wouldn’t change the facts. He was going to be the reason the world as people knew it was going to come to an end and she was talking about sleeping with him.

Sex was normally something that would make him blush up and down but what he was going to do was virtually end the world. To be thinking of something like that at a time like this was…

Her impatience was something he wasn’t aware of until she was standing in front of him. Blue eyes met blue as she found his hand with her own and intertwined them, “I won’t tell if you don’t.” She whispered, her dark smile something she kept for this long.

Something only Kyoko could do.

“I don’t see how you do it. You just asked me to die, to let Third Impact happen but now you want to do something like this…?” Shinji sighed again as he looked down at their joined hands, “I even said I hated you.”

“Ha, I hated my husband Shinji but sex is…” Kyoko started to guide him to the bed as she thought, “Hmm, it is a delightful experience even with someone like him but think of this as your reward Shinji. I’m the only person that will be able to say thank you for what you are going to do.”

She let go of his hand and he sat down on the bed for the first time. The auburn haired girl didn’t take her seat but opted to stand in front of him. A sadistic smile matched the look in her eyes, “I’m the one who will accept you now.”

He didn’t have to believe those lies but he wanted to even though he had no reply, the solemn look he retained as he lagged behind her was one he kept even as her dress pooled at her ankles.

She was naked, her radiate skin something that put the dress to shame. Her complexion was fair but, without anything on, she seemed vulnerable to the point where he forgot how twisted she really was.

Yes, Kyoko was crazy but she stood in front of him without restraint. She didn’t keep synch clips in her hair to show her status as a pilot, the familiar accessories his roommate kept serving to show the pride she took in being named the pilot of a weapon used to defend humanity.

She didn’t have on a uniform or makeup; there weren’t any bandages or glasses.

Kyoko smiled as his eyes focused on her. The corner of the room was darker because of how far it was away from the window but there was still enough light to make out the important features. She was young again, this body something that belonged to her before she could even call herself a woman.

Still, at this age, she was refined. The callous look in her eyes was something that couldn’t be lost and her long red locks were something she kept until she gave birth. The curves the men were so fond of were even present even now.

It would be a shame not to use this body.

Kyoko placed both of her hands on his shoulders, the flicker of vulnerability he saw something of surely something of his own imagination as she boldly advanced on him. She ushered his back to the bed, “Lay down.”

Shinji did as she said, his eyes meeting the cobwebs in the upper corners but more pressing matters came to mind when she abruptly reached for his pants. In haste, his belt was undone and his zipper was pulled down. With a good, solid tug, she exposed him.

His erection greeted her upon pulling his boxers down to his knees. She was satisfied with his length enough that she decided what she originally had in mind just wouldn’t do, “Take off your clothes and then get back on the bed.”

Again, he listened.

His shirt was unbuttoned and cast aside, his tee shirt following the moment he pulled it off. He pulled off his shoes and stood up to step out of the pants and boxers he barely had on.

Shinji was left only in socks, the embarrassment he would have felt already buried by shame but Kyoko was already aware that he was out of it. While she did enjoy his company, a vocal Shinji wasn’t a good Shinji.

The innocent glimmer in his eyes was something that was long gone but his melancholy attitude was something that served to make him more pessimistic than he was before. He wasn’t gullible and he wouldn’t fall for stupid stuff anymore but when she got him…

Kyoko pointed down, “Now get on the bed.”

He complied without so much as a word, lying down right in the middle of the bed.

She really got him.

The red haired girl got on the bed beside him but moved towards the head of the bed. Not stopping for an explanation, she crawled over him. His eyes traced up the thighs that flanked his head to the junction of her legs, the slit he saw enough to make him blush no matter the circumstances.

“I…”

“Lick me.” She issued him an order, her jovial mood replaced with her true colors, “Now.”

Shinji looked hard at it, the sight alone enough to make his erection throb. He raised his head off the bed and shyly stuck out his tongue. He licked her, a broad lick across the folds of her sex the first thing he did.

Her body visually stiffened but she needed more than that, “You can do better than that… use your hand.”

Again, he heeded her words and did just as she said. Two fingers parted the lips of her womanhood and his tongue delved inside her. Pink met pink, the slightly bitter taste quickly becoming an afterthought thanks Kyoko taking his shaft into her mouth.

The same lips that so often formed that mocking smirk were on the tip of his dick and the hand she wasn’t one to keep to herself was touching him in a way no one else ever did. Contrary to how she acted, it wasn’t rough. It felt just right.

Kyoko removed her lips and left his dick covered in her saliva. Wonder what she was going to next was enough to give him goosebumps but she stopped right there without an explanation.

He wondered why until he realized that he too came to a halt, the way she was making him feel more than enough to make him lose his concentration. She stopped because he did.

Kyoko wasn’t the type of person who did favors or accepted them, she preferred thing to be on equal terms at all times and this was no exception.

Shinji didn’t hold back, the promise of her doing something for him if he did something for her too easy an offer to take up. His tongue visited her folds, his lips rubbing against them as he dipped his tongue as deep into her as it would go.

“Just like that…” Kyoko closed her eyes, any whimper of pleasure that dared escape from her was suppressed in hopes of making her climax better, “Rub me. Not th- Yes… right there.”

His effort was rewarded, the sensation he experienced earlier nothing compared to now. She wanted it, she wanted to make him come. With a loose grip, her hand went up and down his length furiously. The occasional lick was enough to make him twitch, his tongue making her feel just as good.

It hit him like lightning, the feeling akin to being physically struck but so much better. Thick jets of white landed on her face, most dripping off her cheek to fall back on him.

He rested, his breathing labored thanks to the how good it felt. When he opened his eyes the first thing he noticed was that they were face to face and the glob of semen on her face. Immediately, his haze subsided, “I’m sorry… about that.” He said as he sat up.

“It’s nothing to apologize for.” Kyoko used her hand to wipe his seed off her face before she examined it with her fingers. She rubbed it on the bed sheets before she raised her head to look at him. He was under her spell, his defiance was gone now but there was something about him that made him so much different than all the men before.

While there weren’t many men she shared a bed with, she couldn’t quite put her finger on what made Shinji unique aside from his age. Many tried to pleasure her, many tried to the fill her head with pillow talk, and a select few made the mistake of trying to take advantage of her but Shinji was different to the extent that she had to figure out what it was before they went any further.

He unknowingly provided the answer without even trying, the glassy look in his eyes reminding her that not only was he far from the ordinary man but that he acknowledged that he was doomed with open arms.

“Nothing to apologize for at all…” Kyoko whispered as she edged closer to him, the condescending tone she seemed so fond of replaced with true empathy.

She kissed him.

With her arms encircling his frame, she poured herself into his mouth. Her feelings, her taste, and her everything went into that kiss. She went easy on him, the force she was so used to exerting on lesser things something she never applied to something as delicate as this.

He kissed her.

In spite of his inexperience, he found the frame of mind to relax and let her do what she want. Their tongues mingled, the taste that occupied their mouths something they now shared.

What he didn’t know was that Kyoko was never one to kiss or give oral sex. Foreplay was something she detested. When she was hot, she wanted it then and there. While she considered herself a patient person, she knew deep down she wasn’t.

That’s why this was special, that’s why she couldn’t stop the kiss even though precious part of his anatomy was poking her in the stomach. That’s why she moaned into the kiss when he grabbed her breast and gave it quick squeeze.

That’s why she climaxed.

The kiss was broken with her gasp, the bed stained with her ecstasy. It was powerful, the bare sensation enough for someone as proud as her to beg for him to keep going. It felt too good, this experience of something new promising that what was to come next would be even better.

Her effects of her orgasm lingered but not longer than her smile as she laid back, “Now… Let’s do it now.” She demanded, feeling too hot to ask for a break.

Shinji moved closer, his revived erection pressing into her sex with the aid of his hand. On reflex, she spread her legs wider for him and he forced his length into her. He wanted to stop for a moment, if only to savor how tight she was… if only to voice that it felt so good but he didn’t. He felt just as hot as she did.

In this depressing place where even your own existence became dusty, they took and gave to each other and only each other. The bed rocked, the old springs coming to life as the dust that settled on the wooden floor finally shook out of place.

The sounds they made exited the room via the window and visited the dilapidated buildings, the evening sun that never quite left gave just enough light for them to look at each other and actually see things they never saw before.

Kyoko held on to the bed rails, her legs already locked behind his head as he wasted no time thrusting in and out. He touched her again, rubbing her in the same place she asked him to before as he now had his way with her.

They had no time to waste as this could be taken from them at any time, any moment. Worries were left with the dust on the floor and his duty was set aside. All he concentrated on was in and out, all he focused on was her.

Shinji could feel it coming this time, the feeling that he was just that close to getting off but he didn’t stop. He planted his hands beside her and sped up, she didn’t have to ask him to do anything this time. This was his best and his all, this was what she wanted and he gave it to her but now it was too late to give out a warning.

She could feel the thick gobs of white pooling inside her body, she could feel him throb as he delivered more streams but it was more than enough to set her off. Together they experienced something that liberated them in a way that nothing else ever could and together they connected with each other in a way that other people couldn’t.

Neither said anything, their view of each other changing as drastically as their relationship. The things they felt for each other now weren’t concrete enough to describe with one word but it was far from negative, the hate he thought he had for her vanishing as fast as the apathy she held for him.

They rested beside each other unable to speak but, when the time to desync ultimately arrived, she touched him. Tenderly, she placed her hand on the side of his face, “Please…” She whispered, something so off key that it would be hard to believe if he didn’t already know that it came from the heart.

He nodded, his promise something that he would uphold without question.

~*~

“It’s coming from Terminal Dogma!!” Aoba yelled as he typed away at the terminal, nearly every alarm in the complex blazing as everyone waited for the feed from Unit 01 to show up on the main screen.

Maya stood not far behind him, watching as Shinji took his orders and traveled down to where the Angel waited. Everyone in the command center was on edge but none of them more than Maya herself.

She was visibly shaking, the idea that an Angel slipped into the complex almost unnoticed reason enough to make her a nervous wreck not to mention that the repairs on Unit 01 were barely complete in time. Add the fact that she was in command of the operation and she could hardly think straight.

With a deep breath, she stood straight up. She and no one else could afford to be weak at this time, “Shinji, it’s up to you…” She trailed off, chastising herself for saying something so obvious.

The pilot appeared on screen, his expression the same as it always was nowadays but he carried a dark secret. He looked at Maya though the com-link as he descended, the sweat he could see building on her forehead an obvious sign of how hard she always worked.

Tomorrow she wouldn’t be able to watch her movies or make her popcorn.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered to no one but everyone at the same time as Unit 01 finally stood in front of Terminal Dogma. He didn’t know how he was going to do it, but all he had to do was just die and it would be over. No one would have to put up with this anymore.

The doors opened and he stepped inside.

A wide, crimson walkway that led directly to a cross where an Angel hung crucified. What seemed to be an almost endless expanse of LCL was on both sides of him but he knew it wasn’t as deep as he thought. This was a room he saw before, a place Kaji showed him not too long ago. The only thing missing was the Lance he used to spear the Angel that assaulted Rei.

What he focused on though were not at all the things that were missing but what was currently present. His caught the Angel out the corner of his eye, the familiar face behind hexagon pattern belonging to someone he knew.

“Kaworu?” Shinji was puzzled but something else caught his eye.

Unit 02 was standing at the base of the cross and was slowly walking in his direction. Things were unfolding faster than he could begin to grasp the situation but the Angel and the unit he was supposed to pilot did not wait for him.

“Blue… Strongest…!” He could hear Maya through the com-link, the sound and picture breaking up for some reason but his eyes were glued to Unit 02.

His heart felt like it was starting to tear. He wanted to tell her and everyone why it would be for the best but he just couldn’t. So he waited, quietly and patiently for what was to occur but the red Evangelion stopped.

“She says you are dirty yet beautiful existence.” His eyes snapped back towards the Angel, “I can hear the song she is singing for you Shinji but why does she sing?”

The sound of the shoulder compartment opening reached him and he looked just in time to see Unit 02 arm itself with the most trusty of weapons. He watched as the knife came to life, the humming something he had long since got used to.

“Such a lovely song…” Kaworu said, his eyes closed as he listened to what Shinji couldn’t hear.

With alarming speed, she dashed towards him and plunged the progressive knife as deep into Unit 01’s chest as it could. Purple spluttered out of the wound, some splashing against Kaworu’s AT Field but most covering the Evangelion as it continued its gruesome task.

The jolt sent Unit 01 stumbling back, more blood openly flowing out of the bio-machine. The Evangelion raised its hand to its broken chest plate. It wasn’t at all fatal but the pain was beyond his imagination. No matter how much he piloted, pain like this wasn’t something he got used to.

Shinji studied himself for the next blow as his com-link stuttered on and off. He focused on the window as it popped up, a shaky image of Maya appeared, “Field… strong… Interference.” Were the only words he could make out but nothing else would matter in a few minutes.

Kaworu watched as he floated around Terminal Dogma, flying just one of the things he could do with the assistance of his AT Field. He knew his objective was lost the moment he got here… The being on that cross was not Adam. Still, humans never ceased to gain his curiosity and nothing made him more curious than conflict.

The Angel watched from above as the two titans below collided. Unit 01 was knocked into the LCL and Unit 02 took into the air with progressive knife clenched firmly in both hands.

It landed, the knife driven into the chest of the Evangelion under it. She stabbed him in nearly the same place, the fact that she was trying to expose his core something that was all too obvious now but if that was the case why didn’t she just get it over with already? Feeling like it was a burning hole in his chest, Shinji idly noted that she was trying to make it look like he was trying… for his sake.

Unit 02 pulled the prog knife out and with a flick of the wrist was ready to end it all. He could feel the presence behind his seat but he ignored her as shining jade eyes of Unit 02 stared down at him, the knife it held angled just above the core.

“Cut… ratio to… percent.” Shinji couldn’t look at the com-link, Maya’s desperate efforts something that reached his heart just as much as Kyoko’s paused final blow.

Maya stared at the screen with a nervous lump in her throat. The presence of the strongest AT Field thus far prevented them from getting any kind of view at what was occurring, the only thing they could depend on was Shinji vital signs and even that fluctuated thanks to the interference.

“Please… Don’t die.”

That and only that came in clear and, before he realized it, Unit 01 reached up to the shoulder compartments. Almost instantly, Unit 02 attacked and progressive knives met. A horrible screeching echoed through Terminal Dogma, sparks flying from the blades only to fall into the LCL.

Kaworu was saying something, Maya was trying to reach him through the com-link, and he could feel the darkness behind him subtly telling him to cut everything into pieces. He didn’t hear any of it, he couldn’t hear any of it.

With blazing eyes, Unit 01 grabbed the opposing Evangelion but she wasn’t having any of that. Unit 02 quickly hopped up to its feet, a real fight between them something that was now evident.

He was strained to the point where thinking was something he couldn’t take for granted. The injuries the Evangelion sustained nothing compared to forcing himself to take complete control of the monster he piloted. If he slipped for even a moment, then he knew for sure the next thing he would remember would be waking up in a hospital bed or worst.

Unit 02 drew another progressive knife and Shinji cursed before reaching up for one of his own. He didn’t want to fight her but he couldn’t just lay down and die either… Even though it was a deal, even though it was a promise he couldn’t do it.

They fought.

It was something that was never supposed to happen in any scenario in spite of the fact that it already happened before. Evangelions weren’t meant to fight each other but they couldn’t stop now. They were the only two left yet one of them had to fall.

The LCL splashed with every step, sparks created with every clash. A mistake and an arm could be gone but the speed of the attacks continued to mount until every strike seemed like a blur.

He kicked but she blocked and she slashed but he parried. It persisted to the point where the fight felt just as timeless as that nameless place he so frequently visited and he knew she felt the same way.

But…

An arm fell into the LCL in two pieces and Shinji’s attack was halted as Unit 02 finally fell to its knees. Almost immediately, Unit 01 dropped the knives and stepped onto the walkway to face the one who caused this to happen in the first place.

Kaworu floated towards him and Shinji forced the Evangelion to reel back a fist, “Shinji, that won’t-“

His AT Field was broken with ease, the force behind the punch carrying far more than just hatred of Angels and bitter feelings left by confusion. He seemed to implode on impact, what little that remained of him merely pieces that dropped into the LCL.

Shinji relaxed in his seat but, in the back of his mind, he knew that he betrayed her. He could feel every attack asking him questions that it would hurt too much to answer. He said he would do something and he just didn’t follow through… She was justified in hating him and he wasn’t wrong for calling himself weak.

It was too late to reflect on things now. What was done was done, to lament over it would only make him feel like a bigger fool. Unable to look at the motionless Evangelion, Shinji willed Unit 01 back towards the entrance.

The interference was gone. It was only now he could hear reports from the commander center and the feed from his unit was on the main screen but he didn’t receive the most important warning.

His own progressive knife was used to lop off his forearm, the aggressor equaling the odds with the sudden attack. Unit 02 stood albeit hunched over with the knife in its only hand. This wasn’t over but his vision was starting to blur, his consciousness fading faster than his desire to fight.

It didn’t attack though, it watched carefully. Not like a hunter observed prey… It was something about the way it waited; the stance it took that told him that she wasn’t trying to kill him anymore.

Or was that the stance she always had?

A spark went off in his mind as it suddenly occurred to him what she really wanted but he was too tired to stop, too confused to even try to understand. He couldn’t keep it together any longer. Even though he tried so hard to stay in control, it was a futile effort.

“No…” Shinji whispered. Alas, the feeling overtaking him something that couldn’t be stopped with words. The bloodlust he harbored was being given wings by the very machine he piloted and it would take more than petty pleas to sate it.

Unit 01 would oversee the rest.

~*~

“Kyoko…”

He opened his eyes and was greeted by sunlight, the open window giving him a morning view of the city. A lively city that was full of different people and sounds. It was a place where every day that would surely changed to night on the given hour.

It was only as he sat up that he realized it was on account of humming that he woke up. It was a peaceful sound that soothed the heart, a sound that reminded him of playing cello even though it wasn’t that deep at all. It was light, calling it soft wouldn’t be too far from the truth but it was so much better than the humming of progressive knifes…

His guardian sat at his bed side, her eyes closed as she hummed.

The sunlight made her seem even more radiant but he knew her personality was always brighter than that. The shuffling in the bed caused her to open her eyes, the humming abruptly coming to a stop, “Shinji?”

“What happened?” He asked, hoping what he feared didn’t occur.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded the positive, her prior question still something he needed answered.

“Well,” Maya sighed, “The Fifth Child, listed as the seventeenth Angel, was… silenced and Unit 02 was lost.”

Just like he predicted, he ended up in the hospital but it was far more than just waking up in a room that wasn’t his own. Kyoko was gone now… his farewell gift to her not only a broken promise but a fate that he didn’t even want to ponder.

It was easy to see that she didn’t plan on the Fifth being an Angel and no one else took it into account that he could be. Her plan was in disarray but she persisted, even now he could imagine her blue eyes glowing with resolve. In the end, she didn’t want to kill him and he didn’t want to kill her.

Those lonely days she spent alone were something she wouldn’t have to deal with anymore but, in spite of her solitude, she kept her part of the deal and gave him something that he lacked. Even though he felt bad knowing that she was gone and it was his fault, he was sure this was how she wanted it.

“Shinji,” Maya set the book she had on her lap on the seat as she stood up, “Are you thinking about something?”

“No,” He looked up at her, “Did you want to talk about something Miss….”

So he would use this life she spared to the fullest.

He trailed off, shaking his head as he realized that he almost started to repeat the same mistake he constantly made, “Was it something you wanted to talk about Maya?”

She blinked, caught off guard by the use of her first name but gradually a smile started to appear. While it was normally a formality to ask, her she doubted she would be sitting on the couch alone this time, “I… I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me tonight.”

~Fin

Author’s Note: Been really busy lately but I suddenly got a good idea and wrote this really quick. While I do like the chapter, I considered not posting it until later perhaps after another chapter or two is finished. That way I can have a different view and slightly better writing ability, same way I messed with Yui’s chapter.

There are a lot of things I try to weave into this chapter but I fear I didn’t quite express a lot of things the way I wanted to. I hate to say it but, despite being a new chapter, I might have to hit this up with a rewrite soon but an update is an update. ^_^;

More importantly, thanks for reading everyone.