Haunted

Chapter 16: Lost In Your Arms


Shuichi was too stunned to move or speak.

‘What did she just say?’

“I’m…going to…die…?” Shuichi himself didn’t know if what he just said was a question or rather, a statement.

Serena looked at him with a mixture of guilt, dread and pity.

“Let me help you, I know what to do…” Serena cried softly, reaching out both her hands to touch Shuichi’s face, “we’ll perform the operation as soon as possible.” Serena pleaded.

Before Serena could touch his face, Shuichi backed away.

“W-Wait!” Shuichi stammered, “Not so fast—do you have any idea what may happen after you turn me into a girl?!” he shouted in rage, “do you think you can walk into my life, telling me who I really am just like that? I have a life here. If I turn into a girl, it’ll be disastrous!” Shuichi said, “I’m in a band. I’m known nation-wide—as a man. What do you think people will say once they find out I turned myself into a girl? What will I say? And my voice, what will happen to my voice?!—”

“It will turn into a woman’s voice as well. It’s part of the procedure—”

“See what I mean!” Shuichi pointed out, “I can’t sing in Bad Luck anymore if I become a woman! My image with the band portrays a man. I’m sorry if I’m sounding selfish right now, but I’m only trying to be a realist—“

“Alright, Shuichi.” Serena started, sounding sarcastic all of a sudden, “go ahead. Do what you want—but make sure your still breathing,” she said and saw Shuichi’s face turning somber. Obviously, he already found out what Serena meant, “I’m sure your fans will enjoy your manly voice—six feet under the ground, though.” She added sarcastically.

Shuichi turned around and buried his face in his hands. How could he be so stupid? She’s right. If what she say is true, if he is truly Sakura Tokigawa, then he’s bound to die anytime soon.

And the symptoms she mentioned. They were the exact symptoms Shuichi was currently having from time to time.

So what was he supposed to do now?

“You have no choice,” Serena said, “you continue living on as a man, you die. But if you come with me and undergo the operation, you’ll live.”
She was right. There was no denying it. Shuichi couldn’t blame her for all this. It wasn’t like the woman had a choice. She was only trying to protect him…but still.

“What happens after the operation?”

“Well, you become a woman—”

“No, after that.” Shuichi asked.

Serena gazed at her youngest sister and understood what she meant by that question.

“Worrying about your boyfriend?”

She had a smirk on hanging on her pretty face.

Serena took a white delicate handkerchief from the right pocket of her black blazer and dabbed it on the corners of her eyes. She offered it to Shuichi, but he declined it with a snob.

Serena shook her and said, “I knew this was going to happen…”

“You haven’t really answered my question yet.” He persisted in an icy tone.

“You want the truth? Hmm, let me see. Okay, I’m planning to take you away from Japan right after the operation. You’ll be living off with us in London—”

“London?! What the hell—”

“You’ll be enrolled in a private tutorial where I myself can monitor you. I understand that you’ve been fooling around with music—”

“Fooling around?!—”

“But that’s about to stop. As you can obviously see, once you’re turned into a woman, like what you said a while ago, your fans may not be able to accept your, ah, new image.” She said, mocking Shuichi’s occupation,

“So why else should you continue living here in Japan? The probability of being accepted as a woman would be impossible—perhaps you’re thinking that media is different than the way I see it—think again. I know what you’re thinking, and I know your thinking that the people might accept you as a woman. If they accepted you as gay, why not be accepted as a girl? Is that it?”

‘My God…she…she knew!’ Shuichi thought uneasily. Shuichi knew it was quite absurd,

but given this kind of ‘situation’, there was no other way to be embraced by his fans again except to tell them the truth.

Shuichi didn’t reply. Serena chuckled under her breath.

“But like what I said; your voice will alter from the vocal chords of a man into a woman. And besides, you won’t be able to speak properly after the operation. It will take time to heal, and um, that’s about…let me check, around the estimation of a year and a half.” She said, walking around Shuichi,

“I understand that your job reacquires full attention, and that means commitment and usual appearances on talk shows, and those other media craps you get into,” she paused and continued, “eighteen months is a long time. Added to the fact that you had your ‘sex change’, your fans might get suspicious and a long absence might erase your wonderful reputation from their minds.” She paused,

“And besides, I’m sure the Music Company you’re employed to won’t accept such a long delay. After eighteen months, you’ll still have to face the fact that you have a new voice. A different voice. Your trademark will disappear and your image as the vocalist of BAD LUCK will diminish as well. So now,” she paused and added, “do you perfectly understand everything I just said?”

Shuichi looked at the woman he had once looked up to.

He just can’t absorb everything the she just said right now. What the hell was he supposed to think after being told from work that his real family was some kind of rich research facility that got mobbed by Japan’s military.

Added to that, the news about his health was too shocking that Shuichi honestly didn’t know if he was supposed to believe it or not.

Then again, Serena Tokigawa is a woman of her words. And Shuichi knew that those tears are for real.

But the fact that he himself was crying only proves that he believes every single word that was coming out from her mouth. Besides all that, her evidences were too damning.

They’re too real to ignore.

Though despite of all this, she just can’t walk into his life and tell him what and what not to do.

“Who the hell are you to tell me how to live my life?” he began in a loathing tone.

Serena looked at Shuichi in disbelief. How could her little sister be so narrow-minded?
“Do you think I chose your fate?!” Serena fired out, “Do you think I wanted all these to happen? Do you think I wanted for you to be changed into a man and later on, have the consequence of dying? Do you honestly think that I wanted to hurt you?” Serena hissed.

Shuichi looked away and closed his eyes.

‘This is not happening…this cannot be happening!’

“There’s no other way. And even if your fans accept you as a woman with a new voice, which I entirely doubt, I still won’t allow you to come back into the music industry.”

Shuichi’s head snapped towards her direction,

“And, of course, I won’t ever allow you to come back to Yuki Eiri—”

“You have no right to push me away from the one I love the most!” Shuichi exclaimed in fury and fear.

Serena stopped short from what her youngest sister just said.

“The one you love the most?” she repeated, unable to move and accept Shuichi’s statement.

‘What an ungrateful, selfish, little—’

“Yes, the one I love the most.” Shuichi emphasized, cutting Serena’s thoughts, “and don’t you dare try to think that that person is you—”

Shuichi was a cut off with a loud smack across his face for the second time around.

Shuichi shook his head slowly,

“I won’t do it…” he whispered hoarsely,

“Excuse me?”

“I’d rather die than be with a heartless person like you!” Shuichi blurted out and pushed Serena down, which made her stumble back.

It gave Shuichi the chance to run away, but he knew this was only temporary.

“Sakura, come back!” Serena called out, “I said come back!” she demanded.

But it was no use. Shindou Shuichi was already far away, and he disappeared into the corners of the streets.
Serena straightened her blazer and stretched her neck. Her bodyguards suddenly came out to see what was happening,

“Madame, are you fine?” one of her men spoke to her in French

“Shut up and get back inside.” Serena ordered in the same language.

Serena looked at Shuichi’s direction, her frown easing away, and the realization of finally admitting the truth made an overwhelming impact within her—both good and bad.

She then headed inside the limousine.


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Shuichi had to keep on running.

There was no way he can accept all these.

In a single moment, in a conversation—an argument—his entire life changed.

‘Nothing’s gonna be the same again’, he thought harshly.

Shuichi couldn’t stop running actually. He has to think about this. He has to—has to—speculate or something. It just can’t be real! How can you believe someone who just told you that your biological parents got killed by the military because of a secretive medical organization? And that he was going to die because his—original reproductive organ was decaying?!

How insane was that?!

But still…the proof was there, Shuichi thought.

The blood oozing from his mouth from time to time was enough of a proof that he really is sick. The pain he would feel from inside was too unbearable. Serena Tokigawa explained the feeling exactly the way it goes.

'This is all too confusing—I can’t take it!!’

‘And Yuki…what will happen to Yuki and me?’

Shuichi had to do something…but what can he do? He was going to die! And he has to leave Japan—his friends—his job—his life…and…and even him.

Somehow, someway, Shuichi has to tell Yuki the truth.
But how was he supposed to do that?

They just got back together, and now…and now they’re being forced to be apart!

‘What will I tell? Oh God, what will I do? It’s my tenth year—I’m going to die, and it could be any day from now on…it could even be tonight for all I care!’

He got off from work by 11 and it’s been over an hour since Shuichi ‘talked’ with Serena Tokigawa. .

He forgot about his promise to Yuki on coming home early tonight.

When Shuichi was already in front of Yuki’s condominium, he was breathing heavily and he couldn’t quite catch his breath.

Shuichi could see a light on from a window.

“Could he be…waiting up for me?” Shuichi asked to himself as he walked towards the door.

He had his key out and was about to insert it inside the doorknob when the knob itself twisted and the door opened,

“Where the hell have you been?” Yuki demanded, his hair in disarray, clad in black pants and a bright yellow polo opened at the throat,

“Y-Yuki—”

“You said you’d be home by six or seven, but damn, Shuichi,” he complained, “it’s already midnight, what did you do?” he asked a bit suspicious.

Shuichi opened his mouth to say something. But nothing came out.

“And why the hell are your eyes all puffy and red? You cried again? What the hell happened?” he demanded.

Shuichi closed his eyes.

‘Unbelievable’ Shuichi thought.

Shuichi slowly stepped inside and said, “Will you quit saying ‘hell’? You’re starting to annoy me…if you don’t stop saying that word, you’ll go to hell for sure.” Shuichi muttered and headed straight to the kitchen.

“Damn you, freeloader.” Yuki rebutted, folding his arms across his chest, “just because you’re my lover doesn’t mean you have to make me worry that much. Why don’t you carry a phone or something? Don’t you have one? Aren’t you rich already? I thought you’re making bucks from the music industry.”

Shuichi leaned on the sink and opened the faucet. He washed his face with water and closed his eyes to feel the cold rushing liquid.

“If you want to wash yourself thoroughly,” Yuki began, but this time, odd as well, he spoke gently, “go to the bathroom and take a bath. You’re sweating like hell.”

“Will you stop saying hell?”

“The hell do you care!”

“I’m tired, I don’t want to fight.” Shuichi said plainly and stared at the white kitchen floor.

If Shuichi just had the strength to tease with Yuki, he could’ve joke about the way he cared so much tonight, but ever since that talk with Serena Tokigawa…it kind of drained the life away from him.

Fuck, anyone would feel the same way!

Yuki was going to say something but decided not to. Instead, he went closer to Shuichi and held his face.

“What’s going on?” Yuki whispered softly.

Shuichi held Yuki’s hands and brushed his cheeks against it.

“Wanna take a bath?” Shuichi asked.


A few minutes later, the two lovers were submerged inside the tub, wrapped in each others arms, not speaking one word and letting silence envelope their weary bodies.
Shuichi’s back was pressed closed to Yuki. Yuki had his arms wrapped around Shuichi in such a protective and possessive way. Shuichi just held his koibito’s arms and had his head leaning on Yuki’s wet hard chest.

Shuichi liked the hot water that surrounded them. It made him relax. It made him think.

He wanted to be rational about what just happened a while ago with Serena Tokigawa.
Just the mere thought of the Tokigawa family made him flinch in dismay. He couldn’t believe that such an argument could change his whole life. It’s like a damning revulsion in one night. And he didn’t know if he could survive through it.
Shuichi just wanted a peace of mind, even for just a very short while. Tomorrow, he’ll have to wake up, facing his day, knowing that he’s about to die any time soon. He was only lucky that death didn’t come by a few months since the start of his ‘tenth year’.

Shuichi propped his body closer to Yuki and sighed heavily.

“Yuki?”

“Mm.” He groaned,

“Can I ask you a question?”

“That is a question.”

“You mean ass… fine—I’d like to ask you a question.” Shuichi said instead,

“Yeah, what?”

Shuichi and Yuki didn’t move all through out the beginning of their conversation.

Shuichi sat motionless in front of Yuki, his back still pressed to Yuki’s chest while Yuki leaned comfortably on the edge of the tub.

“Why…why did you take me back here when you saw me at the Nittle Grasper’s concert?”

“Why did you come with me?” he replied a bit haughtily,

“Hey! That’s unfair! You can’t answer a question with another question…” Shuichi complained, slapping Yuki’s arms teasingly.

Yuki tightened his embrace and said,

“Maybe…” he began, as if searching for the answer himself, “maybe… it’s the same reason why you came with me…”

“Huh?”

“Well…why did you come with me?” Yuki asked, turning his head down, looking intently at his sweet koibito.

Shuichi turned his head up and matched Yuki’s gaze with his,

“What do you mean?”

Yuki stared at Shuichi silently and answered,
“Whatever your answer is…I’m sure mine’s the same…” he said, looking away and making no reaction at all.

Shuichi stared at the water around them and thought,

‘Because I miss you… because every night and day, I can’t stop thinking of you…because I can’t help but wonder if you feel the same way…because I’m worried that you might have found someone else…because I know, deep down in my heart, that I’ll never be content unless I’m with you…but most of all, it’s because…it’s because…

I truly

Really

Love you…’


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*Author’s notes:

Konichiwa mina-san! I hope you’re enjoying my fic as much as I do. I just want to say that if you’re confused about the explanation Serena Tokigawa made to Shuichi, please refer to Chapter 7, Hidden Opportunities, for further information. If you didn’t read this chapter, it may be a bit hard for you to understand completely. To be more exact as to what chapter I’m referring to, it’s the part where Serena Tokigawa and Gilfred were talking in the huge garden of their mansion.
If you sill can’t get it, give me your reviews and I’ll immediately answer it back as soon as I read it. Your constructive criticisms are highly appreciated. Thank you very much for reading and I do hope that you continue doing so as soon as I update my work.


Spinx