This is the life

And so Matt began to tell but was cut off already when he told he picked the
calling card from his vest pocket.
“Not, really… Tell me, couldn’t you simply rob a bank or something like
this? I mean, you… you hadn’t need to do that for…” Matt shook his
head. “I was in totally panic of losing you… And this seemed the only
thing to me I could quickly get money from. But let me tell you, ok?”
And Matt told him. Mello made an effort not to cut him off again, although
now and then the word “Fuck” escaped his mouth.
Then Matt finally finished his story. For a while they sat silently side by
side, but then Mello pulled Matt into a hug and both started crying.

When Mello woke up the next day, Matt still lied next to him cuddling. And
Mary stood beside the bed. “Ps… Mihael…”
Mello blinked and whispered: “Yeah?”
“I’ve to speak to you alone…”
Mello nodded, settled into the wheel chair- damn god, how much he hated that
fucked up thing- and rolled after her into the kitchen.
“What’s the matter?”, Mello asked, who still didn’t know why she had
to wake him up this early in the morning.
“I wanted to… I didn’t want to interrupt you yesterday because you
definitely needed the time for yourselves to talk about everything, but… I
don’t know if he has already asked you, I..”

“What?”

“Mail almost demanded from me to be punished. I… I wasn’t sure how to
react, so… I think only you have the right to decide it. Maybe after you
talked about it with him. I know he’s feeling very guilty an…”
“And what shall I do? I’m not his mother! I cannot…”
Mary sighed. “I know. But I believe you’ve to talk to him. I,
personally, couldn’t come up with a conclusion. He seems to be happy now
he’s with you, but I fear the whole story… Well, that it breaks him. And
he knows it himself too well. I've never seen a child or even an adult who came
to me and meant he or she deserved a punishment. I think, with me he cannot
talk so… With you he’s much better. And, how you’ll ultimately act is up
to you.”
“But I am…”
Mary shook her head. “I don’t know.”
Again she sighed.
“You guys get into troubles… My god, I’ve either failed in raising you
or you’re the devil who tries to keep me from the right path… Allright…
I wanted to talk to you, done. Do you want back to the hospital room?”
Mello shook his head.
“But would you get the crutches for me? I… I’d like to try…”

Mary brought the crutches but Mello had soon to find out his legs, though he
could move them, where not strong enough yet to hold his body. His knees bent
away immediately, and Mary hadn’t been there to catch him he’d most
certainly have fallen down.
He snorted but let Mary help him back into the wheel chair.
“You have to be patient… The doctor said your legs aren’t really hurt,
you’re only too weak at the moment, but soon you’ll run again.”
“Ok, then I want to eat something. I mean… Ma’m, can you please give me
some of the cabbage soup of yesterday evening which is…”, his first thought
was ‘ disgusting’ but then he said: “Which was made by you with so much
love.”
Mary smiled when she saw how Mello forced himself to eat something as bitter
as cabbage soup although he couldn’t stand it.
Neither of them wanted to remember now Mello had already a thing to clear with
Matt and for a while they actually were able to banish these thoughts.

Later:

Mello sat in his wheel chair next to Matt on a small table in the corner of
L’s old room. Nothing had really changed, the house had yet enough room for
new orphans who met the requirements to let L’s room be as it was.
None of them had said a word since they had entered the room, but now Mello
started: “Matt? I… We have to talk. Mary told me you…”
Matt blushed. “Then you knew already I..”
Mello sighed. “Matt, you really want to be punished? You’ve done this
just for me, so you can save me, and…”
“I… I think… Maybe I’ve had a good motive, but I’ve hurt you.
I’ve hurt you more than once. I have taken drugs again yet I’ve
promised you I'd never do it again, I’ve… I've sold myself to these guys,
I… I planned to leave you forever and almost have done it. I don’t deserve
you all to be so nice to me, that you still love me, I mean… I’m filth.
I’m ultimate filth…”
Matt’s words became quieter until you nearly couldn’t hear them anymore.
Mello pulled him to himself. “You’re not filthy… Not for me…”
“Please stop to be so nice… I… I… I can’t take it…” the
redhead sobbed.
Mello didn’t know what to do. Of course, he was angry, but after Matt had
told him his story, more angry to these guys who had taken his boyfriend so
cruelly.
And to himself because his stupidity had been the reason Matt had to take
this step. But what should he do now with his lover who hoped to feel better
after a hard punishment? Who as himself said had made so many mistakes he
thought he wasn’t good enough for Mello anymore?
“What… What do you expect from me, Matt?”, he whispered.
“That you’re angry with me… That you yell at me, beat me or something
else, but I want it to stop… I’ve built so much crap and you’re yet so
nice to me, I…”
“So you really want to be punished?”
Mello closed his eyes.
He had re-thought it all. Matt really seemed to need it and… But could he
do this? Could he made up so much anger he could actually hurt Matt?
But he nodded.
“But I warn you. If I really have to give you the punishment you deserve
for nearly commiting suicide, you’ll have to understand it won’t be funny
for you.”
Mello I WANT to be PUNSIHED. And punishment shouldn’t be funny otherwise
it’s none.”
Again the blonde nodded.
“Well, then I will punish you. Wait here.”


A/N: What would you have done in Mello’s situation? Neverthesless Matt will
get his punishment… But quite on another way he first thought… ‘Cause
Mello doesn’t really want to do it Beta’d by http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1926033/xxbeyondxbirthdayxx