Choices

AN: Want to know a secret?

I have finished this fic. (though the update sched. will stay the same) It clocks out at 26 actual chapters (though if you add in the prologue, epilogue and the 2nd half of chapter 7, its 29) and damn was I emo last night (which was actually 12am for me as I'm a night owl) when I finished. I have no idea what to do with myself now that its over. T^T

Maybe my new fic will ease my loneliness

Oh..... and warning for the beginning...

Suggested Listening: Dreamscape by 009 Sound System (I wrote a certain scene with this on repeat... it really helped lol); Redlight District by Porcelain and the Tramps (kami I LOVE this song); S.E.X. By Nicklelback (*cough no comment*); Destiny by UNSUN

Chapter Fourteen: Want

His goggles hung loosely around his neck, and they swayed with every movement he made. He was so warm, too warm, sweat dripped down his body and he groaned softly.

The arms around his neck gripped him tighter, pulled him closer, and urged him to continue his merciless pace. He leaned foreword; his hips jerked harshly against the soft flesh beneath him.

"Matt!" Mello moaned, back arched in pleasure as his fingers scratched at Matt's back; and Matt found the blonde's cries intoxicating.

He kissed Mello's already bruised and swollen lips; pleased as they parted to allow his tongue to slide inside. Mello's mouth was hot, wet and tasted faintly of chocolate. Something that was purely and completely addictive.

Matt hissed as Mello's sharp nails raked down his sides, leaving red lines to appear in their wake. Both panted heavily, gasping for breath but neither dared to stop for it was something they both so desperately craved.

Mello broke the kiss with another moan, hair fanned out on the pillow like a halo.

"Ha-harder! Ah!" the blonde gasped as his legs tightened around the redhead’s waist.

Matt's lips found a patch of skin on Mello's neck and sucked gently, until a large red bruise like mark appeared. The blonde groaned lightly as Matt pulled away and completely out of him.

He flipped Mello onto his stomach, to answer the blonde’s previous demand, and once into a comfortable position entered in one fluid motion, hitting the spot that made Mello scream in ecstasy.

He kissed Mello's shoulder and pounded into him; Mello's moans got louder and more breathless; his hands fisted the sheets below him tightly.

Matt knew neither of them would last much longer, too many sensations worked on them. He left one hand on Mello's hip and let the other reach for the blonde’s more than neglected member.

Mello's breath hitched as his fingers glided over the hardened muscle and stroked him harshly, roughly.

“M-matt..”

-

Matt woke up sweaty, breaths coming harshly, and with an unwanted surprise in his boxers. He glanced at the clock and noted that it was just about six. Still too early to normally be up, though he didn't really have a choice after that dream.

It was much worse than the last one he’d had. Mainly because... well they hadn't been having sex in the last one. The previous one was tame in comparison. The emotions and sensations were stronger as well, he could still feel the soft, pliant, skin underneath his fingertips, hear the lust filled moans and gasps of pleasure.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes and sighed, there would be no going back to sleep after that dream. Not at all. As quietly as he could he gathered clean clothes and entered the bathroom, he desperately needed a shower, and to get rid of a certain problem.

He turned on the cold water and resigned himself to a freezing shower.

He ended up having to take seven minutes longer than usual, and was left tense and frustrated. Not an ideal way to start the day in his opinion.

Mello was still asleep when he crept quietly from the bathroom, dirty clothes in hand. He eyed his cigarettes and after a moments hesitation, grabbed them, as well as his boots and left the room.

Once he was far enough from their room he tugged the boots on and continued to the main doors, which were always unlocked after the first staff member woke up, and shivered the moment he stepped outside.

Something cold hit his cheek and as he looked up, what looked like white fuzz, spackled his goggles. It was snowing. Just perfect.

He lit up and shoved the stick into his mouth with a barely contained huff of annoyance. He wasn't going to skimp on the nicotine today, not because of the snow, and not after his newest dream.

He sucked in a mouth of the poison and held it in for a long moment.

He was at a loss for what to do. He couldn't keep having those dreams, as they would eventually give what he felt away, but there was no way to actually stop them.

He used glove covered fingers to wipe away the growing snow problem on his goggles. The snow was slushy and left water streaks.

He leaned against the building, cold, and looked up at the sky. Why did things have to be so complicated? He tossed the remainder of the cigarette to the side and lit another one.

The morning was quiet in the early hours, and even the few remaining birds were silent despite the light that brightened up the sky. He watched as the smoke left white trails in the air, barely distinguishable through the thickening snowfall.

He rattled the pack around, only one more cigarette left. Why waste it?

As the second one dwindled down to the filter he pulled it from his mouth and used the end of it to light the third before he pinched the end off and tossed it into the bushes. Rodger would be pissed come spring when all the discarded ends became visible.

Matt didn't honestly care.

The wind began to pick up, and blew snow directly into his face; he knew it was time to head in after that. He liked to smoke, as well as the way the nicotine calmed his nerves, but he didn't like snow down his shirt.

Not at all.

As he closed the doors, snow following him inside, he wondered if it were possible to work in the library again...

But as he remembered Mello's reaction to his last disappearance, he decided not to. Mello would either ignore him or start the Spanish inquisition anew. Neither was something he cared for. He didn’t really care for the hack at that moment but knew there was nothing else that would get that off his mind.

His boots came off before he entered the room, the empty cigarette pack went into the trash, and the laptop was removed from his desk. It was still cool in the room so Matt pealed back the bottom half of the blankets and crawled under and placed the blankets so that they sat on top of his head, though he now faced Mello's bed.

It wouldn't be too long before the blonde was up and Matt didn't want him to ask what he was working on, especially since he couldn't tell him… yet.

He cracked his knuckles and set to work the moment the laptop was fully operational. The third time was even easier as he knew specifically where to go. The oddly marked folder '12'.

As he clicked on it he almost expected to have to abort the hack again, as it seemed too easy, but nothing happened other than the folder contents being shown. His eyes narrowed, it was more files, around twenty-five or so, but no more sub-folders.

One file caught his eye and he pulled it up under Word; a wild grin snaked it way across his face as he skimmed the contents.

L.

His name was actually L.

L Lawliet to be precise. Matt didn't dare speak it out loud, though there was no reason for him to be worried about being overheard, despite Mello's constant shifting, which suggested he could wake anytime.

The files had been so well hidden, if he were any less of a hacker he doubted he would have had the time to search that far and find them, besides the fact that he shouldn't have been able to get into Whammys at all.

He was lucky. Had he skipped over the 'decoration' folder he would never have found L's name.

He allowed the blankets to slip further over his head and began to copy all twenty-five files; they were so few in comparison to the massive amounts Whammys system had that he could easily store them on his computer and look them over without the need to hack Whammys any more.

He placed the files in a folder on his desktop and set a new password, one that Light would never figure out, as the password was his own name.

Matt disengaged the hack for the last time and allowed an appreciative sigh to escape his lips. A small crash later and Mello was up and stumbling around the room; Matt was happy that his face was hidden. He just couldn't look at his friends half naked body without being reminded of the dream, which would undoubtedly cause a bad reaction.

He'd had enough of that in the shower, thank you very much.

He buried his face into the bed with a small groan. He did not need that at the moment! His eyes were closed, goggles pushed up ever so slightly to his forehead, as he willed his thoughts into a different direction.

“Matty? You up?” Mello called quietly, a few minutes later, from only a few feet away.

Matt blinked rapidly; he'd almost fallen back asleep again. He stifled a yawn and shook his head. He'd really gotten up too early. He liked to sleep until at least seven.

“I'm up!” he said far louder than intended as he sat up onto his knees, the blanket fell around his waist and his goggles had somehow ended up crooked.

“Are you almost ready?” Mello asked slightly quieter, for which Matt looked away, and crawled from the bed and didn't bother to respond. All he had to do to get ready was replace his boots and grab a new pack of smokes.

He leaned slightly on the bed and tugged a boot on, and laced up the top part.

“Matt?” Mello asked, his hand touched Matt's shoulder and he jumped. Mello quickly pulled his hand back as though it had been burned. Matt saw the hurt flash in his blue eyes and felt horrible.

Matt had steadily gotten over his fake ‘fear’ of being touched, at least with Mello, and his reaction, which shouldn't have happened, had obviously hurt the blonde. Mello probably though that he was afraid, or weary of his touch, despite the previous months of him saying otherwise.

The real reason was far different.

It was stupid... but Mello's touch sent shivers down his spine. Made him think of those fanciful touches from the dream.

“Yeah Mello?” he did the laces up on the last boot and turned again, but Mello didn't meet his eyes; facial expression completely blank.

“Never mind.” Mello walked off to his side of the room and grabbed his stash of chocolate for the day. Matt felt his heart sink. Mello was definitely unhappy. Why was it always him that ruined things, even accidently?

Matt doubted that even if he made some explanation up at the moment, he would be believed. Or even listened to.

It was going to be a long day. A very long Friday. He hoped Mello would still do well on his tests. He stuffed a new cigarette pack in his back pocket and the PSP in one of the front ones.

The walk to breakfast was silent, and not the good kind, and once in the dining hall, filled with noise, it seemed even worse. He picked food out at random and sat down, a seat further than usual as Mello had been emanating 'stay away' vibes.

Matt should have known as soon as he woke up that the day would go wrong. It had with the last dream, so why not with that one too? It was karma. He was getting punished even before Light could get to him.

The thought made him smile a little, despite the rather depressing nature.

Near, the little snoop, eyed both him and Mello throughout the entirety of breakfast. He would have easily spotted the strained atmosphere between them, and would most likely puzzle over it until things either got fixed or he figured it out.

It was what made Near good at the classes, but a pain in the ass in normal life. Well as normal as Whammys ever got, at any rate.

Mello had practically bolted from the room the moment breakfast was over, and Matt saw no need to go back to the room as he knew Mello wouldn't be there. He went to classes early and sat in his usual seat in the back.

He played on the PSP until the first test was handed out. It was the same as any other testing day, except that he couldn't help but glance at Mello every so often. He knew Mello felt his stare, as the blonde would tense a few seconds after he looked.

And yet he was still ignored. Mello was pissed. It hadn't helped that their friendship had been strained as of late, so despite the reprieve of the last day or so, it seemed all the little things had built up on the blondes mind once more.

Matt knew he deserved it, in a way, for all the lies he had to tell. It was only fair that it came back to bite him in the ass, he supposed. He wondered if that would extend to the inevitable visit with L.

If things went badly with L... Matt wouldn't have to worry about trying to keep their friendship.

He hoped the detective would arrive early, rather than late, as it would be easier to catch him alone, as well as leave him ample time to explain things, if he didn’t have to worry about the rest of Whammys.

He thought about it all the way until lunch, where Mello still ignored him.

He knew that once Mello got into one of his moods it was best to leave him alone, but if things didn't look any better the next day he would have to step in, even if it caused an argument. He would not let that go on for a week.

Why did Light have to give him such a crappy back story?

He frowned. Just the thought of that bastard was enough to put him in a bad mood. He stabbed lightly at his salad and enjoyed the crunch it made when he took a bite. Tomorrow, whatever happened, the mission would be completely over, his role as spy would be done.

He couldn't find it in himself to regret anything though...

He left lunch before anyone else as he wanted a smoke. He doubted Mello would have chosen to suddenly speak to him either, so he wouldn't miss anything. He could hear the wind howl angrily outside the door and sighed.

He stepped outside into the storm, thankfully the building protected him from most of the wind. He quickly lit up and took a drag. It would have to be a super quick smoke or he would get sick again, and last time he'd been lucky as it had been warmer.

He snorted. He probably wouldn't get sick as much if he went outside more often on a normal basis, but he wasn't going to change on the off chance that was the problem. A jacket would help too…

His inner debate, on whether to stay and smoke a little longer, was taken out if his hands when a particularly strong gust of wind ripped the cigarette from his mouth. He blinked. That was one way to decide something.

He had to forcefully pull open the main doors, as the wind had changed direction and now faced him. He almost hadn't had enough time to get his leg in the door before it slammed shut, snow pounding on the glass.

It was probably time for the rest of the tests at any rate...

He was one of the last few to arrive in class, though a seat in the back was still available. He shook his head, the water droplets flew off in all directions; the snow had melted in the short walk, though it had been more watery to begin with.

His fingers were chilled, and began to ache as they warmed.

His thoughts drifted from the tests, despite them needing his full attention, or at least half. He needed a way to get to L as he couldn't just walk up to him... or could he?

If L was in Rodger's office, and he happened to be going out for a smoke... Matt shook his head, he really should have had things better planned. He'd had plenty of time to do so, despite the hacking and personal issues.

The more he thought on it though, the better that idea sounded. He would have to watch the surveillance, and hope that he didn't get up too late, for the right time to leave his room. If he ended up too early and someone was watching him, and L just happened to exit Rodger's office, it would be obvious he'd known L was there, or that something was up.

And if he were too late, he would miss him completely, and who knew when he get the chance again... though he would also have to pay closer attention to the deserted hallway, as it might just be the area L stayed in. As for L's name... he had to think on how to use that information.

And by the time the final test ended, he had a good idea of what he would have to do.

Matt sighed as he headed to their room.

It wasn't one of Matt's more clever plans, but it was better than outright saying the detective’s name. Actually... his plan was rather... lame. He sighed; for all his genius he couldn't come up with anything better...

Really, all he would do was say the detectives name in code, but it would hopefully buy him enough time before Watari or Rodger caught on. 12-1-23-12-9-5-20, or Lawliet. Better than nothing he supposed.

It wasn't as if there was anything else for him to use, no predetermined codes or secrets that he couldn't have found out some other way. If L really was such a great detective, he wouldn't have a problem quickly figuring out the code. A normal child could.

It seemed that when anything important was concerned he could only come up with half assed plans; though to his credit, most of them worked. Matt just hoped that his luck wouldn't run out now, when he was finally doing something right.

For now, there wasn't much to do on that front, but he did have to reconfigure his laptops’ passwords, and remotely hack into his own laptop and destroy all of his data. He obviously wouldn't go back to HQ... or his former HQ.

That meant that he couldn't leave any personal data lying around.

Granted nothing had his name stored in it, of that he'd made sure a long time ago, but there were contacts and things he'd rather Light not get his hands on. And though it would be a huge loss if Light did obtain them, Matt knew he could easily make other connections.

He was a big time hacker, among other things.

Mello was in the room, when he walked in, and was on his bed with a novel in hand. It was nice to see that even though Mello was pissed at him he didn't break out the textbooks just to spite him.

Mello didn't look up once, not that Matt had expected him too, as he set up his laptop and moved various other things around the room. Matt spied an empty wrapper near his bed and thought of tossing it at Mello, but decided it would have probably only made things worse.

He reset his current laptops passwords and security first, as it was not a time consuming procedure as the other one would be; the new laptop didn't have all of his programs installed on it, and Matt wished he'd thought to bring along his other few flash drives.

With his old laptop it would be a lot harder to get onto... well not harder per say, more like frustrating.

He had so many security systems protecting it that it would make it difficult, even on a computer as good as that to log into, and despite the money spent on the new laptop it just didn't par up.

He set to work as the laptop finished booting up, and hoped that his typing wouldn't annoy Mello. The last thing he wanted to do was irritate him more, like poking an angry bear with a stick.

Matt hoped that Light didn't suddenly want any of his files or it would be a rather dead giveaway that something was up. He also decided to go through and delete all of the saved video and audio. He wouldn't need them anymore and they were just taking up space now.

He had neglected to put his headphones in so every once and a while he could hear Mello turn a page of his book, it was almost soothing in a way.

He was quickly finished with the adjustments to the first laptop and stretched a little, and rolled his shoulders to ease the tension, before he set on the next task.

He had specially made all the firewalls and security that protected his previous laptop, so that even someone of his quality or above would have a very difficult time getting in without the passwords. The problem was, with the way he set everything up, it was a time consuming, and slightly challenging task for him to log in remotely.

There were layers upon layers to his systems before he could get in.

It was great for protection, but not so great when you were trying to get in.

Matt was little over halfway done by the time dinner arrived, he only noticed as Mello stood up and marked the place in his novel. Mello had hesitated as he looked in his direction, before he stormed out of the room, and didn’t bother to shut the door.

To Matt, it was progress.

He paused things, as he knew it wouldn't lock him out quite yet, and left for the dining hall. He actually wanted something to eat, though he was by no means famished. He just didn't think he would get the chance to in the morning, so it was better to get one meal than miss two.

Mello was already at the table along with Near as Matt arrived. He wondered if he and Mello would always 'fight' like that. If they would continue to last days on end until Mello was able to listen to reason or forgave him.

Or until Matt was able to explain things to him...

He ate around half of his meal before he began to push it around the plate, giving the illusion of him having eaten more. He was bored, frustrated, and hated the way Mello ate his chocolate.

Or should it be that he hated his mind for thinking of the other things the blonde could possibly do with that mouth?

A small groan of frustration escaped his mouth before he could stop it, and it caught Near's attention, the boy's dark eyes bored into his own, as though they could see through the orange lenses of his goggles.

Though he knew Near held no clue for his action. And if Mello had heard him, no reaction was given, face still turned to the side as he sucked on the edge of the chocolate bar.

Matt gave up and pushed his plate away from him, he'd eaten, even if it wasn't the amount he'd hoped for. There was no reason to stay any longer, so he stood up, smoothed out his shirt and left.

He disliked awkward silences, and with no chance of a change in the immediate future, he was not about to subject himself to that.

He trudged slowly through the hallways until he reached their room; he had to finish the modifications that night.

Not even fifteen minutes later Mello walked quietly through the door, an odd air about him, though he didn't appear angry so Matt doubted it was because of Near. But Matt's thoughts quickly drifted from the blonde to focus on the laptops screen.

He was almost at the most difficult part, the system closest to the laptop.

He ignored the sounds around him and got lost in the virtual world of code. Not too much later he smirked and began to copy various files from the other computer. It had taken longer than expected to break into his own systems, even with his intricate knowledge of the programs.

Matt glanced up and was a little surprised to see Mello's light off and the blonde lying in his bed, not quite asleep. He frowned and checked the clock. It wasn't late enough for Mello to usually want to sleep, though since the blonde wasn't in such a good mood maybe it wasn't so odd.

He knew Mello would be able to fall asleep even as he worked, as he'd proven capable of it before, so Matt didn't worry about having to stop.

Matt fished around the edge of his bed for the flash drive he kept hidden there and pulled it free while his other hand continued to type away. He waited until he had transferred everything of value before he slipped the small drive into the USB port of the laptop.

Once in, and the main folder opened, he chose a program and sent it to the other laptop. It would ensure that everything was corrupted before its deletion, just as a secondary precaution if the deletion was somehow stopped.

He waited until the last possible moment before he cut access to the other laptop. It was rather a shame he had to leave all his things at HQ.... all those programs he'd made. And his games...

Maybe if he were lucky, he could get replacements for them, he'd just been about to beat a new one too.

He yawned widely and stretched. All those stressful days had taken their toll on him, and there was at least one more stressful day to go through. He had an early morning, so there was no way he could stay up any later than he had.

And he hoped that by forcing himself to sleep so early, he would wake early as well instead of just sleep to his normal time. He shut the laptop down and barely took any time to get himself ready before he was under the covers with his light off.

He didn't dare play the PSP as it would have kept him awake. He knew Mello was already asleep, the soft breaths attested to it. He smiled wearily.

“Sleep well Mello...”

-End Want-

AN: Buwahaha! I so loved the opening scene, it was fun for me to write (despite the annoying cut I had on the pad of my finger that bitched at me every time it stuck a key...) So, who liked Matt's dream?