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Our Beginning	By : Eliza_Kitty Category: +S to Z > Wolf's Rain Views: 2797 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series of Wolf’s Rain. They belong to BONES & Keiko Nobumoto. This story is non-profit for my own and others’ enjoyment. Thank you. :)

Chapter List
- 15
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Ahhhh… so glad I finally got this next chapter done. :) After we left off of the last one, I was afraid I’d lost people. ^^() This chapter is mostly dialogue, fyi. But that is the best part. <3 Here we go… It’s so fluffy! :D

FYI: If you prefer the "uncut" version, please check out adult fanfiction dot net or deviant art.

Caution: Further chapters will contain mature content such as language and yaoi, Tsume/Toboe. Be forewarned.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series of Wolf’s Rain. They belong to BONES & Keiko Nobumoto. This story is non-profit for my own and others’ enjoyment. Thank you. :)

I Will Wait For You

The sound of water tapped repeatedly against the porcelain tiles, dripping down to the floor of the tub. Two figures still clutched onto each other as the water washed past their feet and down the drain. The younger of the two struggled to hold on, a troubled expression on his tear stained face. It had seemed forever that he had been standing there, letting his companion hold him. But it wasn’t for him, was it?

The boy frowned as he realized that he had given in and lost himself once again. Everything had changed between the two of them. He knew that. But he couldn’t help himself. He was weak and he knew it. No matter how many times he was hurt, he always gave in… But he couldn’t just go back now, could he?

He quickly thought of an excuse as he pulled back, “I need to… go lie down.” He muttered. That wasn’t the whole truth.

The boy didn’t want to face him as he turned away, half surprised that Tsume even let him do so. He had been holding onto him so tightly, as if he were afraid to let go. He didn’t look back as he stepped out of the tub, reaching for a towel to cover his naked, sore body. As he wrapped the towel completely around himself, pulling it over his head, he heard the faucet being turned off.

Footsteps sounded behind him as he reached for the knob on the bathroom door. He just wanted to ignore them. He didn’t want to be bothered. Right now, he just wanted to crawl into his warm bed and disappear for a while.

As he stepped out over the threshold, he found himself being lifted off of his feet. In a moment’s notice he was in the man’s arms, still clutching the towel to his chest as it was wrapped around him. The boy glanced up instinctively at his carrier’s face but then quickly turned away. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, not wanting to say anything.

It wasn’t that he was still afraid. He was too weak to protest. His decision had been made and he did not want to go back.

He lay completely still as he felt himself being carried into his bedroom. He opened his eyes when he knew they were above his bed. As his body was laid gently onto the bed, he grabbed at the sheets, replacing his towel with them. The boy burrowed into the thick comforter, fitting his head onto his pillow as he pulled away from Tsume, facing the wall.

The boy hoped that he would leave now, go off into the other room and let him be. Moments later he assumed he had done just that until he felt the bed go down slightly. He frowned.

“Toboe, please look at me.” came the man’s voice. It was soft and pleading.

Toboe didn’t answer.

“Look,” he continued, “I know that I can’t just take it all back… and I’m sure that it doesn’t mean much… but please believe me when I say that I’m sorry.”

Toboe didn’t want to hear this. He had had enough. He just couldn’t deal with it right now. He closed his eyes instead of staring at the wall, wishing for Tsume to just go away. He did not want to look at him. The last time he’d seen his face was when… He couldn’t, he just couldn’t face him.

It was when he felt a hand on his shoulder that his eyes opened. His body tensed as he listened to more of what Tsume had to say, “I’m not asking you to forgive me. What I did… it was wrong… I don’t even… I can’t…” He was beginning to choke on his words.

Toboe found himself becoming softened as Tsume spoke. That was something he did not want. He wanted to yell at him, to make him leave. But he couldn’t do that either. He couldn’t do anything at all. He felt so helpless.

Tears began to form in his eyes. Suddenly he felt himself being pulled away from his comfort, turned around to face Tsume and into his arms once more. “No…” he whispered, knowing that he had not been heard.

Tsume held the boy next to him, trying to comfort him as he rubbed his back. He felt so guilty, disgraced and even embarrassed. He wanted to leave Toboe alone and go off by himself to think, but he knew that he couldn’t. If he did, he might lose everything… it would all be over. He had to fix this and make things right again.

The man nuzzled the boy’s head, feeling his wet hair against his cheek. He frowned, reaching for the towel that had been thrown off to the side. He sat back, rubbing the towel against Toboe’s soaked head to sop up the leftover water from the shower. The boy sat there quietly, still avoiding eye contact with him. His body was limp beneath his touch, making the man frown.

Toboe grabbed onto the sheets on top of his lap as Tsume dried his hair with the towel. “Tsume, I don’t…” he could feel himself becoming angry, “I don’t need…” He knew that the man was trying, but he didn’t want to try. He had given up a long time ago. Finally he turned his head up to face him, his hazel eyes blazing and brimming with tears. “You don’t have to do this!” he snapped, not caring about the anger in his tone.

Tsume stopped and slowly lowered the towel, dropping it on the floor. “Toboe…” he spoke softly, seeing the boy’s hurt and pleading expression. He then watched Toboe bite his lip and turn away, not wanting to face him. “Please… just go away…” he muttered, sniffling and bringing his hands up to cover his face.

The man frowned and looked away, pausing for a moment before he slowly stood up. He stood next to the bed, glancing back at Toboe who was now softly sobbing into his hands. Tsume could feel his own eyes welling up as he stared at the image, the guilt inside of him overwhelming. He turned away, “Toboe, I’m… I’m going to go sleep on the sofa.” He choked on his words, slowly stepping towards the open doorway.

Toboe looked up, a tear falling down his right cheek. He didn’t say anything as he watched Tsume walk away from him. He noticed that the man was now wearing pajama bottoms, realizing that he must have slipped them on after he had laid him on the bed. The boy looked down once more after he watched Tsume disappear beyond the door, closing it behind him. A part of him felt guilty… but he knew that he couldn’t let himself think like that. He laid back down, pulling the blankets and sheets up to his neck and tucked himself in tightly. He lay there still in his thoughts, wanting to erase his mind completely so that he could sleep.

He shivered, realizing how cold it was and that he was still naked under the sheets. But he couldn’t get up to find clothes; he was too tired, too weak and still in pain. It was all Tsume’s fault.

No.

Toboe bit his lip, whining a little as he tightly shut his eyes, trying not to think about it.

…

What seemed like only minutes were actually hours that passed by. It was still dark out, not even the moon shining through the crack of the curtains as the sky was cloudy that night. The boy was still staring at the wall as he lay in bed, the covers wrapped around him. He sighed, his eyes now as sore as his body.

He just didn’t know anymore. He was so hurt that Tsume could do something like that to him, with no resistance at all. Even when he had begged him to stop, cried out for mercy… he didn’t listen, he just kept going.

The boy winced at those thoughts, the pain receding back into his body as he remembered. He didn’t want to remember. His mind and heart were in turmoil, trying to understand the night’s events. Why had he done that? What made him treat him so cruelly?

His mind began to race to the way things used to be, not only in this life but the last. He saw Tsume as his protector and friend. He believed in him, they fought for something they both believed in… and he had loved him. He closed his eyes, trying to blot the images from his thoughts. Right now… he didn’t want to remember anything.

But he had to wonder… what had caused him to change like that?

What had happened to his Tsume?

His Tsume…

He couldn’t help it, thinking like that…

He’d told Tsume that he believed in him, that he trusted him, that he loved him and now… that he hated him.

Had everything really changed for good? Would things ever be the same? Could he have it all back? Did he even want it back? What if…

The boy sighed, knowing that he was going there again. He was always so quick to forgive and forget. He was too trusting, too naïve and stupid… This wasn’t right. This relationship they had together was not right, was it? It was sick really… He felt ill for thinking like that, going around in circles with this man.

But he loved him.

He bit his lip, closing his eyes as tears formed once more. He couldn’t help it.

Reaching out into the darkness, he found a pillow next to him and pulled it closer. As he breathed in, he realized that it was Tsume’s pillow, covered in his scent. He moaned, frowning with frustration as the tears began to fall again. “Tsume…” he sobbed, holding on the pillow, pretending it was really him.

There was a part of his lover that was so scary and dark… not even human. But he knew there was also a part of Tsume that was beautiful. That was the side that was his protector, his caregiver and lover. He knew that even though this man could hurt him with words, hurt him even in the worst ways imaginable… there was still that part of him that loved him too.

It wasn’t in the boy to hold onto hate like this… it was only making things worse. He wanted to understand all of Tsume… He’d even told him that before… He wanted to know every part of him… even the bad… He knew that he had to live up to that promise. And right now… he just had to know…

The boy sat up, ignoring the pain shooting through his body. He wrapped the blankets around him, slipping over the edge of the bed. He had to go to him. He had to be near him and feel him once more. As he stood up, slowly walking towards the door his mind began to recall memories of the past, from long ago and not so far away.

He remembered when he met Tsume for the first time, realizing that he too was a wolf. He knew then that wasn’t alone anymore. Whenever he tried to reach out to this man he was pushed away, the older wolf not wanting to get too close to him. But he did. He had saved him time and time again.

He knew that it was Tsume when he saw him on the street that day as he passed by on his motorcycle. His heart was fighting for him from the very beginning, wasn’t it? Just as before, he longed to be near him. And because of that, they both remembered in that alleyway that day… all of the moments… the good, the bad… every moment that they had shared.

They had gone through so much together. He couldn’t give up now.

“Tsume…” he sobbed, wiping his face as he used his other hand to reach for the doorknob.

…

The man resituated himself, the muscles in his legs and rear tightening as he sat uncomfortably on the wooden floor. He leaned up against the wall, throwing his head back and sighing. He found himself sitting right outside the bedroom door, almost as if he were guarding him. But was he really protecting him? Or was he making sure that the kid wasn’t going anywhere without him?

Shit.

That wasn’t right.

He hated himself for what he had done to him. He wanted to scream.

He let everything get out of control. It was like something else took over him. After everything he went through that night he just lost himself to all of the anger within him. And that’s what took over, the darkness inside of him. Things would never be the same now.

He knew that Toboe saw him as something different. There was something off about the kid in that way. Why would he be attracted to a person like him in the first place? He was so different from him, the exact opposite. The kid was so carefree, happy and so innocent… well, not anymore.

He wanted to die for what he’d done. He was sick. He knew it.

Would it be better if he left now? He could just go back to what his life was before he ever saw him on the sidewalk that rainy day. He could go on the way things had been, living day to day without meaning other than to just be. He would just simply exist, for nothing more and nothing less.

The boy would be alone once more, without a friend or family member to be spoken for. He would most likely sit there in that house alone, empty and broken hearted as his life withered away around him.

Was that the right answer?

Or…

Would things ever go back to the way that they were? Or had he fucked that up, just like everything else in his life? It wasn’t just now… but everything that went way back, the mistakes, the stupid shit he caused, even the lives that were lost…

It had been his fault once again. Toboe had died. And it was because of him.

He had always been there to protect him. But not then… Not when the boy needed him the most. No, he’d sent him off to search for the humans, giving him the responsibility that he should have taken himself. He was just a kid and he knew there was danger out there.

He never had the chance to say what he really wanted… how much he cared for him… to tell him who he himself really was… and what the boy meant to him… everything… it was all lost in an instant.

How could he do this?

He couldn’t lose him again, not like this. Once again it was all his fault.

He wanted to go to him, to start over and try again. But… he had hurt Toboe so badly... that he didn’t know if the boy was every capable of healing. He couldn’t be near him right now… he was not well.

The man pulled his legs up against his chest, wrapping his arms around them and burying his face into his knees. He sighed, knowing that he was exhausted. But he couldn’t leave now. He had to be there for him, even if it was only on the other side of a wall.

Just then he heard the door a few feet away from him creak open. He quickly looked up, not noticing that his body had taken wolf form when he watched the boy stepping out into the hallway. He stood up on all four feet, realizing that his body must have changed in order for Toboe to face him without immediate memories or fears.

The boy glanced to his left, seeing the silver animal in front of him. His eyes welled up, “Tsume…” he cried, dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms around the wolf. He cried into his soft fur, clutching onto his muscular build. The beast pressed his head against him, closing his eyes and whimpering softly. He remained still, sitting there as the boy tightly held onto him, burying his face into his silver fur as he sobbed.

…

The boy found himself staring at the white ceiling above him, his hazel eyes sleepily half closed. His hair was spread out on the pillow beneath him, his body bare from the waist up, the rest of him underneath the blankets. He could hear the rain falling outside, slowly lulling him into a dream world. As he was about to finally drift off into a deep sleep he heard the wolf next to him murmur something, “Don’t stop… That feels nice...”

The boy glanced down at the animal resting next to him, its large head laying on the curve of his right hip. He began to stroke his hand through the silver fur once more, slowly turning his head back to the ceiling. Closing his eyes for a moment he sighed, the expression on his face blank as he reopened his eyes, still half closed.

He didn’t know why he was here, in this bed with him once again. Had he given up on fighting it?

He felt so weak, not only in body but in mind. He couldn’t think straight.

The boy slowly stopped moving his hand, waiting for the animal to respond, wanting to be petted. But he didn’t, instead he stretched out and crawled over the boy. He laid out across his abdomen and legs, snuggling his head against the boy’s stomach. His fur felt so soft and warm against his bare skin.

The silence was deafening and he couldn’t bare it any longer, even though he was too tired to start a conversation right now. He just had to know. He wanted to find peace and he knew the older wolf needed that as well.

“Tsume?” he asked, still staring at the ceiling.

“Hmmm?” the wolf breathed, warm air escaping his nostrils.

“Did you kill those men?” the question was clearly spoken.

The animal’s golden eyes opened and he stared for a moment at the wall across from the bed. His ears twitched to the sound of the rain pouring down faster, the plant hung outside the window beating against it with the wind. He rolled his body over and off of the boy, laying next to him on the blanket, not looking at him. “Yes.” The answer was simple.

“Is that why you…” the boy hesitated, “Is that why you… were so angry and…” It was hard for him to get it out. His mind began to recall images as he felt himself growing weaker. Tears began to form in his eyes, frustrating him. He bit his lip, his eyes still focused on the ceiling and the sound of the rain. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to erase the memories.

When he opened them again, he saw that Tsume was lying next to him, hovering halfway over him, his body changed back into his human form. “No!” the boy yelped, covering his face with his hands. He immediately felt both of his wrists pulled back from him, Tsume’s grip on him strong. The boy kept his eyes closed, still not wanting to face him.

“Toboe, you have to look at me.” The man’s voice was agitated but still held sadness in the tone, “You can’t just keep avoiding me.” He moved his body completely on top of him, holding the boy’s wrists away from his face. He shifted his eyes to the left, also wanting to avoid eye contact. The kid’s eyes were tightly closed, his face wet with tears again and his lip quivering. It only made him feel worse to see that. He wanted to end this.

Tsume bit his lip before continuing, “Toboe, please stop. You’re making it worse…” He could feel anger boiling in his stomach because of the guilt he felt. He hated this about himself, getting angry over everything before the rage consumed him and he did something stupid because of it. He had let the dark feelings take over that very night, releasing his tension on the boy and hurting him deeply… not only physically but emotionally.

He bit his lip, knowing what he had to do, “Toboe!” he yelled.

The boy’s eyes flew open, widened and teary as he looked up at him. The man wasn’t facing him but looking off to the side, avoiding eye contact. Even though that made things easier, he still had to force himself to look at him and listen to what he had to say.

“Look, I did what I had to do… to protect us. I didn’t have a choice.”

Toboe frowned, “That’s not what I asked!” He stopped, shocked that he would even say that. Turning his head to the side, he bit his lip again, trying to quell the anger rising inside of him. Really? How could Tsume not see what he had done to him?

He was broken because of him.

Tsume glanced back at the kid, realizing that he wasn’t getting anywhere. He moved off of him, lying next to him on the bed and propping his arm up to rest his head. “Toboe, I know that’s not the explanation that you wanted…” he sighed, “But what am I supposed to say? I already said that I was sorry… It will never happen again.” He frowned, softening his voice, “I just want you to trust me.” He reached out, placing his hand over Toboe’s.

The boy immediately moved his hand from underneath the man’s, turning over to face away from him. He sat in silence for a moment, stewing over the racing thoughts within his mind. He didn’t know what to say or if he should even say anything at all. He didn’t know what would come out. But he tried anyways, “How?” he asked, trying to hold back tears.

Tsume sat up next to him and leaned over, frowning as he watched the boy’s face. “It will take time, I know that-“

“No! …Tsume, why did you…” Toboe rolled back over, deciding to finally face him. He looked up at Tsume who was leaning over him, sitting next to his side. He could feel his warm touch through the sheets, feeling his face flush. Tsume’s eyes seemed to glow in the dark, their look softened and painful. The boy quickly glanced away, not wanting to lose his train of thought.

He continued, “Tsume… you hurt me…” he began to cry.

“Toboe, I-“

“No! You can say that you’ll never do it again... but how do I know that?!” Toboe glanced back up again, his face softening after his outburst of anger. “You changed... What you did to me… I didn’t even know who you were.” His tears began to fall faster just as the rain was outside and he moaned as he bit his lip.

When Tsume leaned in and pull him into an embrace, the boy’s eyes widened. But instead of pushing him away, he latched on, letting the man hold him in his arms. He cried, nudging his head against Tsume’s, feel the warmth of his neck on his own. He could feel the man’s hands on his back, tightly pressing on his skin as he held him closely.

Both of them knew that neither one wanted to let go.

The man’s fingers were tangled in the mess of the boy’s auburn hair, his other hand on his back. He knew that they had not completely resolved anything. If at all, matters had only become even tenser between them. He didn’t know if the kid even loved him anymore after everything that he’d done. All he knew was that he wanted to near him, to feel him and to love him just as he always had.

And he knew that now. He really did love him.

He kissed the side of Toboe’s head as the boy cried, still caressing him as he spoke, “I’m not going anywhere,” he spoke softly, “I know that I hurt you… I don’t care if you hate me after what I’ve done.” He continued with a short breath, “But if you still want me, even after all that has happened… I promise I will make everything better.”

Tsume leaned back to look at the boy, brushing the hair out of his face with his finger. He softly kissed the boy’s forehead, feeling him becoming relaxed in his arms, his sobbing slowing. He pressed his own forehead against Toboe’s, closing his eyes just as the boy had. He exhaled slowly, releasing the tensions that had built up inside of him before he finished, “I will always be here. No matter how long it takes… I will wait for you.”

***

:D …Reviews, please. <3
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Our Beginning