Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Balance	By : sailormac Category: +G to L > Hikaru no Go Views: 10858 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
BALANCE
A Hikaru no Go Sekkushiaru Roman Series
By Sailor Mac

PART FIVE: EMOTIONAL (4/4)

“Wow . . . this building is even nicer than I thought it was going to be!” Waya said as they walked up the path of Hikaru and Akira’s building.

“I’ve been in this neighborhood before,” Isumi said. “I had a student who lived here. It’s all stockbrokers, high executives, people who made money off inventions . . .”

“Geez,” Waya said, as he pulled the door open. “Never thought I’d see Shindou living in a place like this!”

As they headed for the elevator, tirstirst thing they saw was a little old lady in a sweatsuit that was so intensely pink it nearly gave everything around her a rosy hue.

“Oh, hello there,” she said to the boys. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. I’m Okawa-san -- are you new tenants?”

“No,” Isumi said, bowing politely. “We’re here visiting a friend, Shindou Hikaru.”

“Oh, yes, Shindou-san!” she said. “What a lovely boy he is -- he lives on my floor with his cousin, or maybe he’s a half-brother?”

Waya and Isumi exchanged a look. Did she *really* not know?”

“Well, anyway,” she said, “I just took Shindou-san a jug of my homemade peach tea yesterday. He loves my peach tea. I developed the recipe for my granddaughter, you know. She loves sweet things -- my, you should see her put away mochi cakes at a festival! Oh, and red bean ice m. Sm. She just *loves* red bean ice cream. Well, she got that from my son, he l red red bean ice cream, too. And obanyaki. Oh, does he love obanyaki. Why, when he was a child, I once caught him with half a dozen of them stashed in his bedroom -- I wouldn’t mind him having that many, mind you, but trying to eat them *all at once*?”

Finally, the woman stopped to take a breath -- and Waya and Isumi bolted for the open elevator car. “We have to go!” Waya said. “Shindou is expecting us!”

“Nice meeting you!” Isumi added as the door closed behind them.

They both sagged against the wall, drawing a deep breath. Just listening to that woman prattle was exhausting.

“You were saying about the kind of people who live in this neighborhood?” Waya said.

The elevator stopped, and the boys got out, to see a burly, nearly-bald man who had grown a bushy black mustache to make up for the lack of hair on his head. “Watch where you’re going, idiots!” he barked. “You nearly ran me over!”

“S-s-sorry,” Isumi stammered.

“Hey!” Waya said. “We didn’t run you over!”

“You’re just like everyone else in this building,” the man growled as he got in the elevator. “Rude!”

They watched him go, jaws nearly down to their chests.

“Okay, I won’t say anything else about this neighborhood,” Isumi said.

A quick search for Hikaru’s apartment confirmed they had gotten off at the wrong floor. They got back on the elevator, praying that they wouldn’t encounter any more looney neighbors -- which they didn’t.

Finally, they knocked on Hikaru’s door -- only to see it answered by a woman in her late 20s, willowy with wavy red hair just past her shoulders, wearing a green dress pantsuit.

“Oh, sorry, we have the wrong apartment!” Waya said, wondering what else could possibly go wrong with this trip. “I was looking for Shindou Hikaru.”

“You have the right apartment,” she said.

Now Waya nearly fell on the floor. *Shindou’s *straight* now?* he thought. *And with *an older woman*? Is this damn apartment house in the *Twilight Zone*?*

“I’m his neighbor, Suzuhara Kyoko,” she said. “I’m helping Shindou-san and Touya-san with the cooking. Come in -- the boys are in the kitchen right now, they’ll be out in a moment.”

The two Go pros followed her into the living room. “Won’t you please sit down?” she said, gesturing to the couch. When the boys did so, she said, “So, are the two of you a couple?”

Isumi nearly choked. Waya almost shouted, “I have a girlfriend!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Kyoko said, bowing. “I just thought that since you came together, and you’re friends of Shindou . . .”

“No, we knew him *before* . . . that,” Waya said.

Hikaru, hearing his old friend’s voice, poked his head out of the kitchen. “Waya-kun! Isumi-san!” he said. *Great, they’re early,* he thought. *We’re not even ready with the sushi yet.* “Um, can I get you something to drink?”

“Just Coke for me,” Waya said, and Isumi added that he wanted one also.

Silently thanking all that’s holy he had remembered to stock up on soda, Hikaru got the drinks and brought them into the living room. “So, did you find this place okay?” he said.

“Considering that you gave the directions, yes,” Waya said.

Hikaru frowned. “Hey! There’s nothing wrong with my directions!”

“Um, Shindou, are you forgetting the time you tried to help us find your cousin’s concert?” Isumi said.

“What? You just got off the wrong stop, right?”

“The wrong stop *and* the wrong line,” Waya said. “We ended up halfway across Tokyo!”

“Hey, you still made it to the concert in time!” Hikaru said, folding his arms.

“That’s because we called you, and you called your cousin, and he sent that scary gaijin manager of his to pick us up. You know what it’s like to find an AK-47 next to you in a car?”

In the kitchen, Akira finished slicing a sushi roll, silently listening to the banter.

*They’re getting along well,* he thought, which pleased him, since he knew Hikaru was attaining his main objective for the evening.

He knew, howeverat iat if he walked into that room, all that easy conversation would come to a screeching halt, because they would instantly be reminded that Hikaru was in a relationship with someone they disliked.

He thought of the party celebrating Hikaru’s entrance into the Honinbou League, where he’d gone outside because he felt so out-of-place.

*I know I’m going to have to go out there eventually,* he thought. *His friends are just going to have to accept that he and I are together, because it’s a fact and it’s not going to change. But for now, I’ll let them have a few minutes.*

He started arranging the sushi slices on a platter -- just as he heard another voice enter the room. This one he couldn’t quite place, he knew it wasn’t one of the insei . . .

Then, he heard Hikaru introduce the newcomer to the others as “Kaga Tetsuo.” Now that was a name he knew from a long, long time ago, but he couldn’t quite place it. The son of one of his father’s students, maybe? Someone who was a grade or two ahead of him in elementary school?

Akira leaned over just far enough that he could peer into the living room without being seen. There was a guy with bushy red hair sitting in one of the easy chairs, leaning over to talk to Waya -- and the memory clicked into place like a piece finally fitting into a puzzle.

He remembered himself at the Go school his father had sent him to when his little fingers could barely hold the stones, saying to the boy opposite him, “You want me to lose?”

Akira wondered if Kaga Tetsuo still remembered his experiences in Go school and how much he’d resented Akira. *If so,* he thought, *it could make for an unpleasant night.*

But Akira just clenched his fist, a look of steely determination in his eyes. He was going to go out there and face any teasing, jeering and resentment, and he was going to make them see how important he was to Hikaru, that they were a unit now, and if they wanted Hikaru’s friendship . . . well, he came with the package now, too.

He whipped off his cook’s apron and picked up the sushi platter, ready to serve -- and to face anything that came with it.

* * *

“You knew Touya?” Waya said to Kaga, swirling his remaining soda around in the glass.

“Please,” Kaga said. “Touya *lost* to me.”

Waya and Isumi both leaned over, eyes nearly popping out of their heads. “You . . . *beat* him?” Waya said.

“Yep, in Go school,” Kaga said, reaching for the dish of wasabi peas Hikaru had put on the coffee table and popping a few in his mouth. “He deserved it, too. He was as smug as a kid as he is now.”

A worried look crossed Kyoko’s face. She looked around for Hikaru, but he had gone into the bedroom to make a call on his cell phone. *Thank the gods,* she thought. *I don’t think he’d want to hear .* BR>
*And my father doesn’t go to bed until at least 11,* Akira thought. *I can still catch him.*

“I’ll tell you about it in the morning,” Akira said, kissing Hikaru’s forehead. “Don’t wait up.”

Hikaru just stood there staring as the door closed behind him.

*Geez, I wonder what that’s about?* he thought. *It sure as hell isn’t a game, or a lesson -- who’d do that at this time of night?*

Part of him wanted to follow Akira and grill him -- butwas was tired. *I’ll probably hear him come in, and I’ll wake up,* he thought, heading to the bedroom with a yawn.

* * *

Akira walked up to the traditional-style gates of the Touya estate, thinking about the times he’d run up this path eagerly as a child, knowing that once he was inside, he and his father would be playing Go.

He was feeling something entirely different now -- something akin to bitterness.

*And there’s someone else I want to play Go with in the evenings,* he thought.

He considered knocking on the door -- after all, this wasn’t his home anymore -- but decided to just turn the knob and walk in. He *was* still the only child of this family, after all.

His mother was sitting in the living room, her head lowered over a book. As usual, the television was dark and silent. She raised her head quickly, a startled expression in her eyes, and said, “Akira! You’re home!”

Akira smiled, softly. “Hello, Mother.”

“What happened?” she said, rushing over to him. “Are you moving back in with us? Did something . . . go wrong?”

Akira shook his head. “Everything’s fine,” he said. “Please -- I need to speak with Father.”

“He’s in the Go room,” she said. “He spends so much time there -- even more than when you were living with us.”

“Thanks,” he said. He gave his mother’s hand a squeeze, and then headed to what was always his favorite room in the house.

There was his father, in a black yukata, seated alone at the board, laying out stones. Akira recognized the pattern right away -- it was a game they’d played against each other shortly before the outing.

"Hello, Father,” he said, quietly.

Touya Koyou looked up, and narrowed his eyes at his son. "Akira . . . have you come home?"

"No, I haven't. I have my own home now."

His father looked back at the board, his face darkening. "So, you're still confused about your life."

“I am *not* confused, Father,” Akira said, walking over to the board and settling in the familiar position of his father’s opponent. Only thme tme they were engaged in now wasn’t played with stones.

“I know exactly what I want out of life,” he added, fixing his father with a steady, steely gaze. “Isn't that what *you* encouraged me to do, ever since I was small?"

The older pro raised his eyes to meet his son’s, his own expression just as icy. "That was to do with your Go. Not with life."

"You're wrong, Father,” Akira said, one hand coming up to rest on the board, but the rest of him fixed and unmoving. “Go *is* life. It's a mirror of life. I've always been in perfect control of my Go, and I'm in control of my life as well."

“You *lost* control of your life. To mistake a rivalry for a love affair . . .”

“It is *not* a mistake, Father,” Akira said. “You always told me I should know my own mind, be in touch with my own feelings. That is exactly what I was doing. I have always *known* what I felt.”

His father looked away, and there was a long pause. Finally, he said, "You're so young . . ."

“I’ve had a career and an income since I was 13,” Akira replied. “I’ve interacted with adults as long as I can remember. You know as well as I do that I am *not* a typical teenager, Father.”

The Meijin looked back at his son. "But Shindou . . .”

"He knows what he's doing as well,” Akira said. “We didn't just decide to run away together because of some romantic dream. We *thought* about this. A lot."

"I *still* say that you are both confusing rivalry with love!" Touya Koyou said, his voice rising, becoming a commanding, booming tone designed to intimidate whoever was across from him.

But Akira was not easily intimidated. “That is *not true*, Father. I can’t say that enough. I know what it feels like to want to defeat someone, and what it feels like to want to be close to someone. I’ve felt both emotions for Shindou, and I know the difference between them.”

His father looked away again. "That's your decision.”

"You're right, Father,&q Aki Akira said. "This is *my* decision."

He reached across to the two Go kes, grabbed a black stone and slammed it to the board with a loud *pachi*, leaving his hand atop it. "When you take your hand away from the stone,” he said, “you can't take your move back. With this relationship . . ." He removed his hand. "I've taken my hand from the stone."

His father sat quietly for a moment. Then, he said, in a voice much softer than before, “You really *have* committed yourself to this relationship, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Akira said. “I’ve made a double commitment to him -- to be his life partner and to reach the Hand of God with him.”

Touya Koyou just sat at the board, hands tucked into the sleeves of his yukata, head lowered as if he were studying the stones and plotting his next move.

Then, he said, "I do not necessarily like your choice, but I will respect it. You have to make your own decisions, and you will make your own mistakes."

"And I am ready for that," Akira said.

“You know, son . . . our home is always open to you if you need it.”

“I know, Father,” Akira said, getting up. “But, as I said before, I have my own home now. And I have to get back to it now.”

His father just nodded silently, and went back to contemplating the patterns of stones on the board.

Akira bowed and said, “Good night,” then left the room. The living room was empty; his mother had gone to bed during their discussion.

He opened the door and stepped out, breathing the night air deeply. He felt like a huge burden had been lifted from his back, one that has been there since they were outed.

*I feel like an *adult* now,* he thought, as he started back down the path. *And now, for the first time, I think I’ve convinced my father to see me as an adult as well.*

* * *

Hikaru was dreaming.

He was standing in the park near the house where he grew up, by the swings, watching two figures approach him. One was himself, around age 13. The other was a tall man wearing the conical hat and robes of the Heian period. They seemed completely oblivious to him, and were talking amongst themselves.

"He came to my school looking for me, wanting me to play a game with him," the younger Hikaru said, kicking at a clod of dirt. "I just don't understand Touya sometimes."

Sai looked thoughtful. "You think about Touya a lot, don't you?" he said.

"Saa, I have to,” the young Hikaru said, folding his hands behind his head and stretching. “I'm gonna catch up to him. I'm gonna be face to face with him someday, and he's gonna be *my* rival."

*That’s definitely me back then,* the older Hikaru thought. *I didn’t think about anything but getting stronger so I could beat Touya. I didn’t realize at that point how far I still had to go.*

Suddenly, a broad smile broke across Sai’s face. "Hikaru . . . I think you may be in love with him."

The younger Hikaru’s face froze in shock. "WHAT?" He spun around to face the ghost. "He is my RIVAL! We're NOT in love! And in case you haven't noticed . . . we're both BOYS!"

A mischievous twinkle came into Sai’s eyes. "Well, in my day, it wasn't at all uncommon for . . ."

"I'M NOT HEARING THIS!" The younger Hikaru put his hands over his ears, as if that would block out the voice of the ghost, and ran several lengths ahead of him.

“Hikaru!” Sai said, running after him. They both vanished from sight, leaving the older Hikaru still standing there.

*I'd forgotten that conversation,* he thought. *Sai, you knew all along, didn't you? Is that why you left? Because you knew it was time for him and me to be together?*

And then, he remembered the strange circumstances under which his romantic relationship with Akira began -- the series of dreams Akira had, all with Sai in them.

He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Sai had been directly responsible for them, and that he had been their matchmaker, from wherever he was now.

*You’re looking out for me even now, Sai,* Hikaru thought, tears welling up in his eyes.

* * *

Akira walked into the living room to find a single light on. It didn’t surprise him -- he’d figured Hikaru would have gone to bed.

He went into the bathroom and prepared for bed himself, going back out to shut off the living room light on his way to the bedroom.

Sure enough, Hikaru was fast asleep . . . but he seemed a bit restless. As Akira got in the bed with him, he noticed the other boy had tears on his face.

“Sai,” Hikaru whispered in his sleep.

Akira knew exactly what the boy must be dreaming. He reached over and gathered the sleeping Hikaru into his arms. Hikaru didn’t wake up, but instinctively snuggled next to his lover.

Tenderly, Akira kissed Hikaru’s tears away, then brought his lips to his ear.

“*I* will never leave you,” he whispered.

* THE END*

AUTHOR’S NOTES

And finally, “Balance” comes to an end. This project has actually been in the works almost from the moment I got interested in Hikaru no Go in April of 2003 -- I have Lady Cosmos to thank for showing me the first 12 episodes of the series and getting me hooked. I began to get all kinds of unconnected ideas -- Akira’s dreams, the Internet sex research, the painful forced outing -- and it was Aishuu, who I met through this fandom, who helped me sort out the ideas and organize them into a series. (Well, it was initially going to be one story. Then two. Then three. And before you knew it, I was looking at a five-part series.) Aishuu was also the one who named the series and its individual chapters -- I am forever in her debt for all her help with this.

Thanks also go to Steve Savage, who helped shape the final version, to Sonya and the other members of the Nekos and to everyone who commented on the series. I am eternally grateful for the feedback I got on this!

Hikaru no Go roperoperty of Yumi Hotta, Takeshi Obata and Shueisha. These characters ain't mine, I'm just borrowing them for a little while.
- 16
- 17
- 18
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Balance