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Our Beginning	By : Eliza_Kitty Category: +S to Z > Wolf's Rain Views: 2797 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series of Wolf’s Rain. They belong to BONES & Keiko Nobumoto. This story is non-profit for my own and others’ enjoyment. Thank you. :)

Chapter List
- 16
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- 18
Thank you for your patience!!! No seriously… I know it took me a bit so I’m glad you’re still with me. ^^ …So, I am curious. How many ever checked out that music I mentioned, at least on youtube or whatnot? Lately Coldplay’s been doing it for me. They had one song on that playlist… Well anyways, I hope you enjoy this next chapter. There will be another soon. It won’t be as long as the wait for this one was… No more school until fall, yaaaaay…. ;)

FYI: If you prefer the "uncut" version, please check out adult fanfiction dot net or deviant art.

Caution: Further chapters will contain mature content such as language and yaoi, Tsume/Toboe. Be forewarned.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or series of Wolf’s Rain. They belong to BONES & Keiko Nobumoto. This story is non-profit for my own and others’ enjoyment. Thank you. :)

Goodbye

The boy slowly fluttered his eyes open as he heard the sound of a bird singing outside his window. There was light that crept onto the edge of his bed, the floor and walls, creating shapes with the shadows. It was morning, wasn’t it?

He sighed, wearily sitting up in his bed. He winced as he did so, the pain returning to him. Sitting there for a moment, waiting for it to reside, he could smell the leftover rain from the night before outside the window. Occasionally there would be a drop of water that would land on the windowsill, accompanying the bird’s melody.

As he wearily rubbed his eyes with one arm he glanced to his right, assuming that his companion would still be there, lying next to him and asleep. But he was not. The boy frowned and sighed, leaning his head back to the ceiling and closing his eyes.

He couldn’t keep going on like this.

He reopened his eyes once more when he heard the sound of a faucet being turned off, not even realizing that it had been running in the first place. Looking around for something to wrap around himself, he found a shirt that presumably belonged to his lover crumpled on the edge of the bed. He shivered when he stepped out of bed, hoping that summer would hurry along. He didn’t like the cold. He never did.

As he walked over to the door, the cold breeze against his bare legs reminded him of his previous travels in the snow. He wanted to smile, but he couldn’t as the memories began to fade from joy to sorrow. He recalled the time he had laid with Blue’s old man to keep him from freezing to death as well as the moment he had first died, the image of Tsume in his mind before he finally drifted off into that deep sleep.

Tsume…

He remembered the trouble he had gone through to be close to him, how long it had taken before the older wolf had finally warmed up to him. Those long, cold nights in the snow, lying next to his friends to keep safe and warm. He could feel the warmth again on his skin and it made him long for those moments once again.

He placed a hand on the door, pushing it slowly open as the doorknob was not latched. Peering into the hallway he could see light glowing underneath the bathroom door. Walking down the hall he stopped at the entrance to the living room and kitchen, glancing around. Everything was clean. There was no sign of struggle from the night before. Everything just looked normal.

The boy frowned as he looked down to his bare feet, placing a hand over his stomach as it growled. He grimaced but looked up again when he heard the sound of water moving in the tub within the bathroom.

He sighed, feeling as if he could cry but there was nothing left. All of his tears were fully spent.

He wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, before everything had changed…

There was still something that he saw in Tsume despite of everything. It made him feel safe, it made him feel happy and it made him feel sad… There was also something else inside of his lover that he could not get rid of. And he now realized that wasn’t up to him. He could not heal the older wolf. That was something Tsume had to do for himself. Until the man let go of the darkness inside, the boy could never fully trust him.

Approaching the bathroom door, he knew what he had to do. He reached out to the doorknob, slowly turning it and stepping inside. He turned and quietly closed it behind him, not wanting to release the hot steam in the air. As he turned back around, expecting to see him in the bathtub, he saw that the curtain was pulled. He felt relieved for a moment.

When he moved to the sink, he heard him speak, “Toboe?”

The boy hesitated for a moment but then decided to speak up, “Y-yes… I’m just brushing my teeth.” He began to do so, listening for a reply. When nothing came he continued brushing his teeth, listening to the water swirling around in the tub. He imagined what Tsume might look like in the bath, the steam rising from his tanned muscles... No.

He stopped brushing and spat into the sink, looking up at his muddied reflection in the fogged mirror. …He couldn’t think like that. As he began to wash his face, he listened as the older wolf spoke up once more, “How are you feeling?” his voice was low and monotone, no doubt guilt still within him.

Grabbing the towel to his right, Toboe heard the curtain being drawn back. After he’d dried his face he glanced up to see Tsume’s reflection in the mirror, sitting in the bathtub, his arms on each edge. Toboe instinctively turned around, leaning against the sink.

“Would you like to join me?” the man asked him, glancing away, “The warm water might help… if you’re sore that is.” Tsume looked back toward him, watching the boy grip the edge of the sink as he met his eyes, his expression confused and somehow vacant. He wanted to make up for everything. He knew it would take time, but he was concerned that if he didn’t act quickly, his lover would soon slip away from him. But then he thought twice, not wanting to scare him away either, “I’m sorry… You don’t have to take a bath with me. I can get out and let you-“

“No,” came a soft reply, the boy looking down at his feet. “I’d like that…”

Tsume didn’t understand how the boy could be so trusting after what he’d done to him. He watched as Toboe pulled the shirt that he was wearing up and over his head, letting it drop to the floor. The boy was frowning and blushing and he sensed that the kid was anxious, knowing that he was being watched. He looked up at him then and Tsume gritted his teeth and turned away from him after seeing his bare body. He was even more ashamed now than ever, this boy standing in front of him, his skin pale and swollen with dark bruises and cuts all over his frail figure.

Toboe slowly stepped over to him, “Tsume?” he asked, wondering why he wouldn’t face him.

“Look at you. I did that to you… Me.” came the reply.

Toboe looked down at his naked body, examining the bruises that had gotten much worse overnight. It didn’t hurt as much as it had the night before, but it still looked pretty awful. It was a painful reminder for the both of them. He frowned sadly, knowing that his lover really did feel regret. He still wanted to help him understand. In his heart he’d already forgiven him. He couldn’t help it, “It’s okay, Tsume… I know you didn’t mean-“

“No! It’s not okay!” he spat angrily, “You’re like a sad little puppy, coming back to me every time… It’s not right.”

The boy looked down, frowning and embarrassed at the accusation. Yes, it was true. There really was something wrong with him. Even Tsume knew that.

Tsume continued looking at him, realizing that he’d done it again. His face softened quickly as the boy’s expression was sad. He reached out to him, taking the boy’s hand. “I’m sorry… Please come here,” he spoke gently. The boy looked at him then, the man’s golden eyes filled with tenderness for him.

Toboe nodded and slowly stepped into the tub, tensing at first when the warm water hit his cold skin. He gripped onto Tsume’s hand when he did so, feeling the man’s other hand on the back of his thigh. He did not lose his gaze as he stood in front of him, thinking that the man might try something now that he stood fully exposed there. A part of him knew that he might give into any advance, he felt so mentally gone right now…

But Tsume didn’t do anything. Instead, he gently nudged him to turn around. He went along with the direction and turned around, his back facing his lover as he gradually sat down. He listened to the water moving as Tsume spread his legs out, scooting back into him as his arm was pulled that way. “Relax,” came the man’s voice, soothing and assuring.

Toboe sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back into his chest and arms. He could feel Tsume’s strong body against his back and it made him felt safe, as it had before. That sweet musk filled his nostrils once more, mixed with the scent of water and he recalled the first time they had kissed in that alleyway. He had felt so protected then, so secure in this man’s arms.

Why couldn’t it go back to the way it was?

…Because it couldn’t. Could it?

Toboe opened his eyes when he felt a soapy sponge on his shoulders, his lover squeezing it and running it along him. It stung a little each time it ran over one of his cuts and he would wince. But then he would feel Tsume’s free hand pull him closer and he felt calm once more. He did find himself relaxing with the warm water against his skin and the scent of the soap.

“Sit up,” Tsume told him and he did so, letting the man wash his back. The boy pulled his hair aside with one hand, allowing his shoulders to be completely free. It felt so nice to have the warm water graze the back of his neck, dripping down his shoulder blades and collarbone. He found himself smiling, beginning to lose himself within memories of happier times. He was small again, a carefree and happy child whose Gran cared for him, washing his back in a scented bubble bath.

Toboe opened his eyes, losing his smile as he realized those moments no longer existed. He felt the sponge leave him, the man’s arms fully around him now and pulling him back into that strong embrace. He allowed it, wrapping his arms around Tsume’s, also pulling him close. Gazing off, he felt the mate’s mark on his left shoulder being softly kissed.

Tsume nuzzled into the boy’s neck, tightly hugging onto him. He wanted to stay here and never leave. It was right now that he himself felt safe. He wanted this more than anything else, to feel secure. He wanted peace within his heart and he believed this boy had the power to heal him. He wanted this moment to last forever.

“I love you,” he whispered into the boy’s neck, closing his eyes as he held onto him.

Toboe’s eyes teared up when he heard those words, realizing it was the first time he’d ever heard them. He had dreamed of this moment forever, when Tsume would finally, truly open up to him and let him in. Now was that moment. He could say anything, do anything and Tsume would give in. And now, more than ever, he wanted to say those words back. …But he couldn’t.

The older one frowned when there was no reply from the boy in his arms, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he closed his eyes and held onto him tighter, not wanting to let him go. He wanted this moment to stop and stay that way, to never fade.

The boy’s facial expression did not change as he let the man hold him, finding himself relaxed in the grip of those strong arms. He could feel Tsume’s heartbeat against his back and his breathing slow and steady upon his neck. Closing his eyes, he also found himself not wanting to leave this moment. Even though he was immensely hurt by his lover, betrayed and emotionally a wreck, he knew that he still loved him.

As he remained in the arms of his lover, Toboe knew that Tsume was truly trying to repent for his mistakes… He could feel his fear finally fading, the pain subsiding from his body and mind. He wanted this moment to stay the way that it was. Even if only for a minute longer…

But like everything, nothing lasted forever.

It was then that the man felt the boy pulling away from him and he let go of him, reluctantly. Tsume watched as the boy slowly stood up, not saying anything as he climbed out of the bath and found a towel to wrap around himself. He wanted to stand up as well, but instead he waited as he followed the boy’s movements to the door.

He could feel the energy in the air and he knew that something didn’t make sense. There was something different about Toboe. Was that his fault?

It was then that Toboe turned around, leaning against the door as he looked down. “Tsume,” he spoke softly.

“What is it?” the man replied, his tone confused and somewhat angry.

Toboe expected that, but he continued anyway, “I can’t be here anymore.” He felt tears in his eyes, surprised at the fact he had any left at all. He had cried so much these past two days. He wouldn’t look at Tsume, but he could imagine his expression and it upset him even more. The tears began to fall now and he brought his right arm up to cover his face as he cried.

Tsume still sat in the tub, wanting to go to him and take him in his arms once more, but something inside of him told him that he could not. This angered him and he closed his eyes, bringing his knees up to his chest and gritting his teeth. He couldn’t help himself and began to speak, “Toboe, I don’t want you to-“

“No, Tsume,” the boy cut him off, “It’s not that I don’t want to be here with you... It’s not that,” he choked out each word, “It’s everything. I can’t be here… This old apartment, this city, these memories… I want to go… I want to find what we were searching for in the first place…” He cried, clutching the towel against him.

The man still wouldn’t look at him, becoming angered as he knew what the boy was getting at. He just sat there with his one arm on his knees, looking down at his blurred reflection in the water that was now growing cold… “I’m not leaving.” He muttered, assuming the boy would begin to plead with him. But instead he heard a soft reply, “I didn’t expect you to.”

Tsume looked up, partly shocked that he would get that answer. The boy now faced him, his hazel eyes meeting his golden ones. Their gazes were frozen for a moment, the tension in the room rising. They were two very different people who had led two very different lives.

The boy wouldn’t look away from the man’s face, determined that he would not lose this battle. They had spoke of it time and time again and right now, he wasn’t going to back down. He was tired of giving in and running away. There was only so much room for him to bend before he was broken. And he would not be broken, not ever again.

The man finally looked away, letting the boy’s stare win the fight. “Fine,” he spat, “Do what you want.” He immediately regretted his words and bit his lip, expecting that he had hurt the kid once again. He worriedly looked back at the boy but wasn’t able to catch a glimpse of his face as he had turned around and opened the door to leave.

“Toboe, wait!” he called out, reaching out to him.

The boy stopped and stood there for a moment, the door open as he was about to leave. He slowly turned around, Tsume noticing the tears on his cheeks and a small smile on his face. “I know, Tsume.” He spoke softly, “I know.”

The man couldn’t say anything or do anything. He just watched as the boy turned back around and left, closing the door behind him. He clenched his fist after he’d gone, closing his eyes in frustration.

…

The boy bit his lip as he leaned back against the closed bathroom door, a tear rolling down his cheeks. This was it, wasn’t it? He couldn’t wait any longer.

With that he shook off his tears and hurriedly ran down the hallway and into his room. He threw off the towel and went to his dresser, finding clothes to dress himself. He also went to his closet and pulled out an old green backpack, setting it on his bed. He proceeded to pack a few more articles of clothing and when he was finished he left his bedroom and headed for the living room. In the kitchen he found a half loaf of bread and some cheese and apples from the fridge, also stuffing them into his bag.

He then opened one of the kitchen drawers, pulling out items along with a couple of checkbooks and threw them on the table. He only took one, leaving the other remaining there opened, a pen next to it hoping that Tsume would realize it was for him. It was that moment that he stopped and thought. Even now he was still looking out for the man. Was that really ok?

Yes. He shook his head, continuing what he was doing.

The boy grabbed his backpack and headed for the front door. He stopped to slip on his boots by the sofa, sitting on the edge as he laced them up. He bit his lip as he did so, tears returning to him as he realized the decision he’d made. This really was it.

When he stood up, his bag in hand, he noticed the old book on the rug and picked it up, placing it into his bag.

Facing the door, he paused, thinking of his lover once more. By now, he had expected him to come through that bathroom door and try to make him stay... But he hadn’t... Was it that he didn’t care? He didn’t know why Tsume hadn’t come after him.

Part of him was saddened by this fact… But the other part was relieved.

He opened the door, not knowing that Tsume now stood in front of the bathroom mirror. He had been listening as the boy moved about to quickly gather his things. Gazing down at his firm grip on the bathroom sink, the man’s expression did not hold anger any longer, but regret and sadness.

The boy looked back once more, not knowing he was in the man’s thoughts. “I’m sorry,” He whispered sadly, opening the door.

The man listened as the door opened and he closed his eyes, imagining his lover standing there, waiting for him to run out after him. But he couldn’t. He had to let him go. This was the decision that he had made. He couldn’t stop him from going. The kid wanted to be free, free of this place and free of him. And the one thing he could do for him was just that. He loved him too much to keep him here.

The boy smiled faintly, tears still in his eyes as a quick memory of his lover flashed through his mind. He gripped onto the doorknob, holding the backpack over his shoulder as he stepped outside.

“Goodbye, Tsume.”

And with that, the door closed.

***

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Our Beginning