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Heh Killua	By : Dadou Category: +G to L > Hunter x Hunter Views: 4595 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money for the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
Chapter 17: X Your Light X

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I've lost my sense of right and wrong

Well justified my soul to carry on

Feels so damn good to write off the rules

But when a new day breaks, I'm left a fool

I'm such a fool

(...)Pitter pat, the angel on my shoulder

Is haunting me tonight

Tick tock the clock is getting louder

Waiting for me to decide….

Pitter Pat- Erin McCarley

He was sure hidden. He checked to his left and right, with the chocorobots in his hands. He was completely alone! And with his new booty treasure: the stolen chocolate from the kitchen. And- and the pretty coins- the ones he'd found in the grass and the soda can taps. Those chocorobots would shoot anyone that came nearby.

He calculated swiftily. He would now conquer the bed area with the dinosaurs help raawwwr- Someone grabs his ankle and takes him from under the bed. His heart races. He doesn't want to leave his hiding place, he's clutching to the wooden boards on the floor as he can.

He is dragged out. One of the two chocorobot is left behind, no! he wanted one in each hand. But he's now being turned by his shoulders; the chocorobot is way out of his reach.

There stands his big brother.

Tall tall up.

Black black eyes.

He fidgets, foot to foot, has he done something wrong?- has he- has he-has he-

His cheek is caressed softly. He tries to runaway-it's not training time; it's his recess, his recess he protests he runs- he's slapped hard. The sting reaches his eyes. He seeks the training mindset they taught him. Not to cry. Illumi pets his cheek, then his body all over-all over- saying confusing words. What has he done wrong? He races thinking, his heart thumping strongly, Illumi kneels holding him. He remembers he has stolen chocolate from the kitchen, and he begs for forgiveness. But his body is being roamed by spider-like hands, so cold. He stays still. He gets bored. He wants Illumi's huffing and caressing to be over, so he can play again. But he won't tell him he is because it's another game, a training game, a darker game... easier ...stranger - he won't drop the chocorobot still dangling from his hand. Just in case.

Illumi notices this. The powerful dead blank look he fears, the pang of fright and the toy is torn out of his hands. A small voice yells not to and begs, but the chocorobot is tossed away with strength... It hits the wall heavily, and snaps in two. The image is burnt to his mind.

"My choco-rooooboooot my.. my... my-" a fist connects to his jaw that sends him tumbling to the bed. He stops instantly his sobbing and wide eyed he stares in fear. Illumi approaches him. Holds him. Seeks him under his shirt, whispers, trails a kiss, a kiss is good, but he whispers and he shivers–little brother, why don't you still get broken here inside, they won't save you, your toys, no one will, the roaming and his touching himself, and Killua stays quiet like a good boy . His brother is over him, he is suffocating him, he seems to have trouble breathing, his shirt is off and Killua you're mine but those eyes are still yours they won't die, won't fade in color, why don't you stop playing, why don't you stop laughing, why are you able to sing my Killua when you are still killing every fortnight,he barely breaths and the boy feels weird, why don't you break, he grabs his waist exasperation to his voice -Killua- his shorts down he's pinned firmly against the bed, he won't move he promises to himself, the elder is pressing his body again and again. Killua doesn't move. Until his brother trembles. He huffs resting over his body where all is sticky. He plays he is a dead body, still as they always are. Big brother gets bored. He tosses him away, he'd done well, closes his belt, whisper the rules, leaves.

Game over.

Door closed

He stays still a few seconds. He cleans his tummy with the bed mattress ew! ew!ew!pee! He pulls up his short hastily, angrily. Then he runs swift down his bed, and retrieves the other chocorobot. He is curled like cats do, and from his spot he has a view of the broken chocorobot at the far side of the room.

He'll now play cat hidden.

Killua blinked.

" I…" he stared struck.

He'd just entered through the window his thoughts somewhere else. And his heart had leaped. Gon was awake, sitting on his bed and staring at him.

"Where where you?!"

He hadn't a back plan for this - Gon-was-awake. Dude. Gon was- He blinked again.

"I was worried!" Gon yelled and Killua jumped startled. "Why weren't you here? And why did you enter by the window?" And why is your hair... is your hair wet?" He pointed the albino dripping strands.

Killua stared agape for a moment.

Then the albino shook his head.

"I'm sorry to wake you..." He raised his hands with the poker face set-Oh and there it was the hoarse voice, as if he'd just left a heavy metal concert. He cleared his throat with funny noises.

"sorry"

"…Don't be, I just… well I was worried!" The raven frowned. His caramel eyes brimmed in anxiety...And the albino noted detachedly how this was cute. He felt a small chuckle at the base of his sore throat. It all seemed so unreal.

Gon furrowed his brow.

"Killua, I really was. You were out in the middle of the night! For ages! I was worried sick" He said irritated, still expecting the expected explanation.

"You make it sound like such a big deal Mito" he said with a bored expression.

"Stop it. Don't mock me!"

"Sorry, sorry. So I was out. What's the big deal?" he waved annoyed.

"I thought that you'd run away or something" Gon snapped.

The albino heard his own discrete peal of laughter and an unexpected patronizing tone "…why would I Gon? And to where exactly? Ah? -"

"You've done it before" He cut in his sentence.

There was a dead on silence as the words settled in the space between them.

"…and, well, you tell me where" Gon almost whispered.

His caramel eyes dropped.

Killua eyes flashed. He remained impassive. His gaze averted.

Hollow. A gap hollowed all sound.

The hunter's exam happy ending, the curtains closing to him with-…it had never been an issue in their friendship - they never spoke about it as if that whole ordeal hadn't happened in the first place and-and- Gon, he still remembered. He still- his last words-I surrender-the meaning behind them – the murder, the bright red blood, the leaving, leaving Gon behind, his hand sticky-all whirled in milliseconds.

He bit his lip. Feeling removed.

"I have…before…yes..." Killua assented... Eyes absent.

Acknowledging the truth.

"Killu-"

"I had a nightmare. I couldn't sleep, so I went for air outside." The monotone was mechanically untangling a lie that tasted cold on his lips. He guessed the shuffling questions in Gon's eyes "I had nothing to do out there….quite boring…. took a swim, wet my hair. I dried myself and returned here. That's… that's it….. That's all" Killua murmured.

…

"So… no needs for paranoia bro" He tilted a gracious smile and gave his back to the stare, to close the already closed window.

It wasn't that far from the truth, he had nightmares didn't he? And Gon, the thing he'd just thrown-His fault

"Why did you enter by the window?"

Killua looked up bored "…I did not want to wake you." He trailed, one finger lightly caressing the window's latch.

"I obviously failed" he returned an ironic smirk. He stared at the window. Somehow the glass echoed the trapped-in feeling.

"You had a nightmare..." the raven trailed.

The albino found himself peeking through the dim reflection in the glass. Gon's expression had changed into something he couldn't read. Well, for starters Gon always knew when he lied and so it was much easier to punch him than to lame his way out. He felt like such a child right now...scared.

But... interestingly enough, as this was a half lie it seemed that Gon was actually befuddled

"and so you couldn't sleep?" he said somewhat confused.

Killua turned resting his back to the cold glass. He nodded, arms folded over his chest.

Gon stared at the young Zoldick. He was locked up.

" … another...why…another?" he trailed to himself.

"Uh?"

Gon kept silent. But then he sighed. Exhaling deeply. As if giving up something. "Are you okay now?"

His eyes in the moon-washed room, well they were like chocolate pools, weren't they? Perfect deep honey then sweetened milk chocolate...Screw them. Screw the entireness of them, oh for all the Viking gods and Satan and Pokemons and swearing stuff, stop staring, oh screw them-

"I'm fine" Killua scratched his ankle with his other foot.

Gon stared at him- he always stared- trying to see past him.

"I am Gon. I'm just bored" Killua rested his back on the wall, hands slipping to his pockets, closing his eyes to the ceiling, cool smile set on his lips. As if he was just shrugging. In fact unable to face him. Unable… That whale- island kid tilting his head -those keen eyes and then himself...Against the dark wall that body. His own. Too perceivable- he'd erase himself against the wall if he could, but the sweat to his palms and neck, the marred angles and used patches, the spent flesh, the exposed skin adhered to the bones all gave him volume and existence and to face him from all– he sensed the build up of some form of exasperation crawling through his muscles like fire ants, just been bit-just been pushed-

He kept his poker face set, as he exhaled, closed eyes. Waiting for his private collaged mind to stop spiralling.

"Is it the monster again?"

He almost burst in laughter and yet the muscles in his face were rigid and hurt. Killua opened his lids to stumble into him. Firesome eyes that would be the word. And he could not hold that look. The albino turned away disinterested scratching again his ankle.

"Mmm"

Flinch. Gon was tugging him from the pajama sleeve.

"Well you look like hell. To bed"

The startling borne from that kind of closeness was fleeting as the albino looked in front.

He felt moody. The crumpled sheets. A bed. Again.

Flinch. again. The mind assault scattering the covers for a moment then the wince -and again the image of the now clean crumpled covers- wasn't he becoming used this? To dwelling on that edge- the edge of losing his mind? Then it seemed that all the beds in this devil forsaken ship were the same- And like a wave he felt he loathed everything, everyone, even Gon's proximity- even chocolate.

...He'd gotten used to dealing with that exasperating feeling for a while though. Oh well, he just wanted to be left in peace, alone. He wanted to finish the video game he'd downloaded. Introversion.

He closed and opened his fists.

Oh well…

Killua sighed, slumped and stretched. Ok, bed, here we go.

A hand to his shoulder and his dive was interrupted.

"Are you able to sleep now Killua?" caramel eyes sought him across the dark. "If not, you should know I make the best night tea ever. It's an ancient recipe from Los Andes"

"…. where the heck do you learn those stuff Gon"

"Sailors" he shrugged with a smug smile. He probably guessed he hadn't the least clue as to where the hell was Los Andes.

Killua rolled his eyes.

"… You're not sleepy?"

"I don't care. How about you?"

"...that tea wouldn't be a bad idea…" He trailed, abruptly relishing the idea of distraction. Get me out of my mind. He suddenly rose his eyes a sort of cat-like expression "we could try to pass the entire night without sleeping. I bet you can't" He challenged. He liked it, nightmare free style and the thrilling betting the dude and night video combats.

"I bet I can." Gon eyes defied him "You keep me awake half the night so it won't be that a stretch" he smiled

"I do?" the albino asked bewildered

"Ok. What exactly are you doing now?" Gon grinned and watched Killua roll his eyes.

He'd really meant... the nightmares… If he only knew how terrible it was getting to watch him…The albino interrupted his drift

"Well, bummers if I woke you. You chose a nightly creature for a friend"

"But I already have the nightingale. It's just too many" he protested "I'm surrounded!"

"The nightingale is not a night creature" Killua let out defensive

"No? But its name-"

"And I'm sorry to break it to you but that is not a nightingale…the thing should be lectured on proper sizes. It probably is a mistake of evolution, or er, the matrix. More probably some Gin crap"

Gon smacked him in the head as the albino crooked his grin. Gon sighed "Ok Killua. Let's stay up now. But I don't want to keep awake the entire night. I don't want to be useless tomorrow"

"Then make me your Los Andes creepy thing"

"That sounds like an awesauce plan" Gon claimed enthusiastically. "Oh right. I have an idea but... Killua, do you have... err... tea?"

"No"

"And warm water?"

"Not in my pockets last time I checked"

" EXCELLENT!" he chirped truly happy.

"'cause…that's the way the cookie crumbles"

"Killua, I inform you we are obliged to sneak into the kitchens. How awesome is that?!" a tricksy smile caught to Gon's voice...After years he did not feel surprise out of Gon's thought-coherence. "If they catch us, we'll say it was totally for medical therapeutic reasons" he chirped again enthusiastic.

"I'm not in rehab" the albino let out weary.

"Neh, you're just an insomniac last time I checked" The raven commented as he grabbed a dozen blankets.

Stupid dimwit punk.

Killua actually had Leorio's pills but he hadn't told his friend. He hadn't taken them at all, he'd just forgotten, and now… "Ok… so to the kitchens…you're sure? It's not like...illegal right" the albino trailed-

"I'll bring aaall the blankets so we can drink our teas there! Its soo cold anyways. Aren't you cold?"

He actually was, but discretely had refused to acknowledge it for the entire night. He still received a blanket projectile in the time given. Gon's smile shone even in the dark, his eyes so satisfied to have Killua happy with a plan. He was like a dog with a swaying tail.

"So it is settled!" he turned for the door but stopped and directed to the window as if it was the most normal thing. He turned his head with casual stance "Oh, by the way, Killua, why did you lock us in?"

Pause. "I did?"

"Well I couldn't get out. That's why I couldn't come after you when I realized you weren't here. I was too lazy to think of the window he he"

Killua's eyes clouded. He immediately directed to the door and tried it.

It was locked indeed.

His thoughts immediately jumped to Leorio... could he be there across the hall? Or had he locked them for their safety or something? Or to make sure they wouldn't leave. He should have known his performance would bring consequences but –but-but that soon?

And Illumi had known...

He tried the door again, softly, not to make noise. Suddenly he felt distressed. This was all too dangerous. Exposing Gon like that- were they going out of their room? They should be barricaded! Or in a far off island for that matter- Because out there, out there, he'd just returned from – and out there-

He turned off to tell Gon that it was better if they forgot about the tea, that he was sleepy. Only to realize the smaller one was already climbing through the window.

"neh Killua, they'll fix our door tomorrow. Come!"

"Gon wait!" But the window pane swung and closed behind him. The raven was out of reach. Killua cursed and ran to the window to cross it, the need of protecting-of shielding the younger one-

"Wait! Gon" he untangled his limbs from the frame and leapt outside.

"We're ready!"

"Gon I-"

But the raven had leaned happily towards the window to close it

–wait-

"no no NO!"-

the latch clicked. Too late.

Gon turned his head "uh? You spoke?"

But Killua hit his palm to his forehead with violence again and again.

"Killua!"

"That's it. We're locked outside."

"What?"

"We're locked outside our own room."

"What? But how- but you entered-"

"I had left the window open. So when I returned it didn't lock from inside. I didn't even know about the door" he replied bleakly.

"How intelligen- wait but… no! It cannot be!" Gon turned to the window and tried to open it. He forced it. In vain.

"NOOOOOOOOO"

Killua was just absent, staring appalled.

Gon raised his fist summoning nen. But he abruptly stopped himself. "Right" he hesitated "We can't afford to break another glass… after the gym we destroyed we don't have like any more money for... decades..." Killua just stared emptily at the room.

Gon took a hand to his chin and thought. And finally shrugged "Neh, Killua, it doesn't matter. It's just today. Let's go to the kitchen and sleep there! and make ourselves a good tea."

He couldn't possibly be talking for real; but Killua nodded slowly, absently.

"Ok!" Gon shrugged. The raven briefly thought about how there was somehow this tacit agreement of not mentioning to bother the guys in the night. They'd never talked about it or assumed anything at all but to look for them in the after hours somehow felt creepy. And both knew it. Gon giggled.

Killua was just processing they were locked outside and how he'd let this happen- or something typical of his brooding mind, the raven thought. Gon once again turned to Killua and tried that thing that didn't seem to bother the albino ….of taking his hand and dragging him forward.

Killua just dawdled along startled.

The fact was that as the windows closed, he had hit rock hard with a truth.

He'd been selfish.

He didn't realize Gon had grabbed his arm to pull him through the labyrinths of that huge ship. The collision had left him stunned: He'd been fucking selfish. This whole time. Since Brother came, all this time he'd been-he'd been-he'd been exposing Gon,all this time, all this time-all this time, because…

If he truly had wanted Gon entirely safe he should have…

And he felt dizzy at the realization...

Left him.

He tried to organize his thoughts. So he should have left him. If he truly- he should have- words got scrambled at the hitting like of the wall. The kitchens. He'd bumped with the door, the blackened doors of-

So he should leave the smaller one.

"Come on Killua!"

He somehow found himself sitting on a chair... staring... blankly...his open hands holding invisible weights . Shreds of past, disjointed, in front of his eyes and pointing at him, carrier of the guilt.

...

Inbox: one message received

Leorio, you up? I'm utterly bored...

Kurapica

I was asleep. You are the one responsible for that being in past tense.

I hate you

Leorio

want to change shifts? :)

Kurapica

Not even for money. You vowed to do it alone all night. Suck it

Leorio.

pd-the guys fine?

I can't hear much. But no one has left the door...

Kurapica

pd- you suck it

Sucking it

Leorio

pd- please don't punch me.

...

"Killuaaa"

Killua stared at the crevices in the wooden table. A warm mug had just been put in between his hands. He was seated in one of the many abandoned tables of the cafeteria. It was sort of ghostly, that scenario.

"Gon" he looked up. The mug warming his hands.

"Taste it! It's my recipe. I found all what I needed in the kitchen" he pointed behind him grinning in mischief. Gon squirmed inside the profuse amount of blankets he'd brought. Killua also looked like a caterpillar for that matter anyway…

Killua shyly sipped his mug.

It tasted amazing. It definitely had honey. It also left a trace of probably who knows what mysterious thing behind. He noted how it warmed his chest down.

"This is awesome man" He whispered, sipping again as Gon's elastic smile widened.

Gon had made one for himself and now sipped. It'd been a long time since he'd done the recipe so he'd been slightly nervous. He looked at the albino's strands of hair, falling neatly over his forehead. The violet eyes looking at the table, their hue, like a night lilac petal under white washed moon.

…

"Ki-llu-aaaa" Gon called softly. Extending the vowels playfully.

"What"

"…"

Gon looked at him, his chin resting in his elbow

"….nuffin. Just like saying your name"

Killua sipped. A faint smile pressed against his mug. It was probably one of those brain wires Gon had loose.

"You can trust me" Out of the blue Gon spoke looking up.

Inward startling.

The albino closed his eyes catlike and sipped again. "I know"He stretched his own smile a little, to reassure his best friend.

He did not know. He knew he would never risk losing Gon.

" Killua"

"mmm"

"It'll make you feel better if you tell me"

The guy definitely knew how to make his guts freeze.

"Tell you what" he whispered lowly. They'd turned into heavy lead. An ill imagined certainty possessed him; he knew. If he wasn't a skilled poker face he would have gripped his seat tightly between his fists. He knew- he knew- he knew

"What was your nightmare." Gon explained easily.

The metal lead liquefied into the usual plain cold. Relief. Gon did not know. Gon did not know.

Hah, just to tell a stupid nightmare. Sleep suddenly weightened his forehead towards the table. He'd had too much for this day. For this night. There his head rested. His voice now came out muffled. "Its bo-ring Gon…" he said weary.

"You want to sleep?"

Killua looked up. "Yeah… this stuff you gave me. Really strong dude. You should…" He let his cheek rest against the wooden surface "You should (yaaaawn) commercialize it…"

"You only think about money" Gon giggled with warmth.

"I'm still sort of Zoldick, what do you expect" He murmured smoothly as he looked up. "That and being sleepy is not a good combination it seems… who knows, maybe I will kill you in my sleep eh?" he laughed faintly pressing again his forehead to the wooden surface.

… He felt his hair being ruffled by his warm hands. He lied there. Unmoving. Wondering...

After somehow chatting on Nen and gambling (neh Killua, who would win, Zeno, or Hisoka? And Kaito or Wing san? And Biscuit or Gin? Yeah we don't know him but- but the way you imagine him, who would win?)- They'd made their own private sort of tent beneath one of the cafeteria tables.

They were shielded from the world by table cloths Gon found, and there, underneath and hidden, Gon had decided they would dwell for the night as if it wasn't crazy. The raven arranged their mugs to a corner. Killua just plopped the way cats do, dead weight to the floor. From all the places to sleep, the cafeteria uh? ... What could possibly go wrong, right guys? He yawned against the covers curling. He silently thanked Gon for the clairvoyance of the blankets and hated him for not letting them sleep somewhere more normal. And thanked that he was by his side…

He closed his eyes…

… Aaaand he couldn't sleep.

Even though he was in desperate need of doing so. You know, Murphy laughing above.

Nope. His mind wouldn't blur out of focus and silence into off mode, it was there, strenuously present. Babbling. Agh, he wanted almost achingly to sleep.

He stared at the wooden ceiling of a table above. It was nice for a change. Wood instead of white. It somehow made more sense to his sleepy brain. Being underneath the tablecloth, hidden of the world felt better.

Meanwhile Gon was cocooning himself in his own set of blankets, probably wondering about life.

"...Killuaaa" he whispered to his side.

"Mmm?"

There was a short silence.

"….Killuaaa"

"Just saying my name?" the albino murmured sleepily.

"Killua, tell me…something…anything…" Gon trailed idly. There was almost a hint of desperation, so subtle "you'll forget it by morning anyway…" he whispered the last.

"You're… not sleepy?" the albino's eyebrow rose.

Gon shook his head.

"…and… I can't sleep either" the pale boy complimented, closing his eyes tired. He took a hand to his face as he frowned.

"You still can't?" the raven wondered.

"Yeah…it sucks, doesn't it" It came out muffled. He turned to lie on his back weary.

"Keep drinking from your tea. Maybe I'll help"

Gon was facing Killua.

"And… maybe...tell me..."

Killua exhaled

"What again?"

"What was your nightmare about? Teeeell me. I'm bored"

He wasn't bored. He was scared. That's why he'd talked to Leorio…

"...I don't' remember Gon"

The raven rose his eyebrows

"that's a lie"

Killua looked at his eyes directly; voice vexed "I do not remember "

"lie"

"I do not"

"lie!"

"agh I'm too tired, I won't put up with this. " Killua rolled his eyes annoyed, pushing himself further away.

"But you can't sleep"

"For the thousandth time, yes, I can't"

"why don't you tell me about your nightmares?"

" Because... I just- I - don't- remember that one"

"Ok , so will you tell me then what was the nightmare from the day before? or of Monday-"

"well I don't remember any Gon" his voice strained. "how is this of importance again?"

Gon kept silent. His eyes flashed. "It is important that you are lying to me, and to my face"

Killua inhaled "I'm not" he whispered through clenched teeth. Gon stared.

"Bullshit" the raven whispered exasperated "I know when you lie Killua!"

"Then haven't you brilliantly thought maybe I don't want to tell you?" the silken voice sharp as a knife's edge. Gon looked at him.

Surprise.

Then hurt.

"…If so then you suck. You suck bad"

There was certain betrayal in his eyes that stung. Killua shook his head angry and snarled "Agh Gon! it's not-! you know what? you like the who-gives-up-first and will toy with everyone that'll fall for it! Well get it. Today I won't play your stubborn games. Not this time ok?"

The honey eyes lit angered.

" That's unfair! I'm aware I'm stubborn but I'm not pulling you! I'm not the one whose lyi-"

"Stop" He said icily

"…I won't! See?! You're hiding something from me" he snapped

" Gon!" he growled "I'm not. Now stop stepping on my toes" he let out briskly "last warning"

" I don't step on your toes, I just care Killua! I'm worried! I'm bored. Of it all. And you, you acting like this, distrustful, it's dull-"

"… STOP BUGGING" he growled fiercely. Killua turned to face ahead. The blanket to his side was knotted tight in his fist.

"But-"

"...Back ...off" Gon met ice-cold eyes, the menacing stare. The raven did not even blink. The albino faced ahead again, his jaw clenched.

There was a stressful silence.

Gon glared.

The silence prolonged. And the raven's gaze hadn't wavered when he suddenly spoke lowly.

"... Two years ago I met you Killua. You want to argue the toss now? Fine…But you should know it's you the one who sometimes is stubborn to fault." the raven glared.

"Bye" Gon slumped and gave him his back.

Killua felt numb. He looked at Gon. This one stuffed himself further inside the blankets, giving him his back. Only his nape was visible. After some amount of fidgeting everything fell silent.

Dead silent.

He knew he'd been speaking the whole time over the surface. Insultingly so. Gon had been taking honestly. About… what he really felt went on… about...and he felt defensive. According to his parameters, nothing was going on. Nothing. If nothing was, so nothing should for Gon. He felt seasick. This wasn't real. A claw like knot clung to his throat

"…Gon?" He whispered.

It's dull- He'd said. He had been a boring friend. Ever since the incident, it was as if all all spun round that and…. now…Agh. He winced and closed his eyes- he felt the possessing fear Gon would give up on him. He would, his fear come true. Because… Stubborn he said. He felt driven to a wall since that day at the deck –a constant being on edge- continuously driven to a wall by everything, by everyone- his head pushed back to be suffocated- over and over against that wall in suspension, a repeated sequence of movements ingrained into his mind, into his windpipe and forehead.

That wasn't real. Real was him. That body. The one of the boy next to him. Breathing. His fist knotting the blanket. He opened his hand, the blanket slid of his palms. Real was that.

Real was that Gon was still breathing for another night.

And real was that Gon had kept dead silent. And that minutes went by with him and his mind, him and his mind… him and-

"I'm sorry…" a whisper.

Killua turned his head at Gon's voice. The raven slowly turned. He was reading afraid the albino's eyes. "I'm sorry..." He shook his head and rested on his back, honeyed eyes on the wooden table of a ceiling they had.

No. He wasn't the one to apologize this time, and yet he was doing so. Killua closed his eyes.

Gon turned to face the albino again hesitating.

…He would sound crazy. But Killua would understand. When he started blabbering he was the only one that did. He looked up "I…feel left out…" Killua's gaze rose. Gon rushed "I won't ask questions you don't want to answer like about your wrist- or your nightly wanderings, or your stupid nightmares again…I was stupid to just...I'm sorry... Just…just don't shut me out… You're, you're shutting me out…" he murmured."You are…shutting me …out" … you are…

Killua had been numb. But his words- he felt simultaneously a void in the cavity of his chest...and a warmth like a lit match. The known desperate tuck to ask for help…v/s reality. The need to unburden his shoulders, his tongue, his eyes… v/s the crude truths he would not even face…

…and loosing… something that was too precious… I can risk all but you. His eyes looked into the caramel ones… void and warmth.

Loosing himself in that gaze and Killua could imagine telling him, just because- like when you imagine impossible stuff just because- just because-just because. Could he? No, he could never know his reaction, how the hell was he supposed to know how would Gon, how to even imagine hah- he-

You disgust me

Dark orbs pierced his mind. A gun to his throat.

…

Gon called him softly.

… Up to now his answer had been that absent silence.

"I'm sorry" Killua whispered barely. He imagined the metal cold barrel almost visible against his windpipe, charring his chords.

The honeyed eyes reflected the dim light as Gon crawled nearer. That definitely proved he was inch by inch loosing it and he shut tight his eyes again-

His hand.

Suddenly Gon's palm had slid against the hollow of his hand. His open fingers knotted to his own to Killua's startling. Gon rested so near, looking with fathomless eyes at their hands now intertwined...He observed dazzled. The meaning escaped him as if he was asperger or something. Only left was the being stunned and the warmth in their knotted hands.

As seconds dilated, his mind just wondered idly in the maybe…maybe… Probably it was his eyes looking at their hands... That fathomless gaze…they could explain how somehow he felt more inclined to hope. He found himself crossing the thought; maybe he could tell him what his nightmares were about. The nightmares that did not involve it-he meant him- he shut his eyes- not all of it, hell no. But- but part of it, maybe he would understand and maybe it would help make him act less strange- maybe he could talk-maybe he would talk …

"You're right..." he whispered. He realized he felt faint.

…

…Caramel eyes looked his way. "You're-you're right Gon" he stuttered. "…you always are…" he trailed. He laughed weakly...

Gon's eyes held him.

He opened his mouth.

…

There... that's all he could manage

Silence.

No.

He breathed again.

"...I'll tell you. About the nightmares" He turned his head to face the smaller one, tilted head.

"It'll make you feel better right?" the albino genuinely asked "and maybe… I'll help…me" he murmured. Gon sought his eyes. Killua sighed "I've been acting all weird neh?" it was barely a thread of a voice that reached the raven in the dark. Killua's eyes closed "sometimes I think I'm going crazy even…" He whispered. "So it'll probably help…"

And the albino gave him that faint tilted grin Gon knew by heart.

The raven could not hide the surprise that crept his features. He assented slowly. Not letting go. Somehow this was the Killua he knew better. He hadn't flinched about their hands, none of them had…

There was a wide gap of silence in which Killua was possessed by incredulity of his own talking capacities. He could not say everything, so he was looking for the safe summary.

He inhaled air... "Ok. My nightmares. The ones that bother you that much" he murmured playfully. But his voice lowered "Let me see… I dream about…stuff that used to happen at my house…you know...stuff they did to me" he shrugged.

Gon kept silent. The raven had expected an explanation of the sort, but it was different to hear it. It was a bit gut-wrenching to hear… Both were acting oblivious to their knotted hands…he was about to open his mouth when Killua cut in a somewhat hushed tone.

"It wasn't nearly all that bad, not at all, there were really good stuff…" he explained... " There were lots of cool things. Like being able to eat whatever you wanted- and knowing lots of awesome places thanks to work…Dad was tough but he was always cool- and so was bothering that fat otaku of Milluki" his expression had softened with a distant smile of a memory. "It was cool having zillions to spend on toys and games. It was cool to imagine I was a ninja when on a mission… I remember telling other online gamers that I was a killer, and it was like super funny…"

Gon was grinning. Fascination, he felt it sparking in his chest. He tried to cover endearment near his heart at each image lit. But he had to get focused.

"You dream with that stuff too?"

Killua thought. "No… not at all... It was so long ago…as if it was another life" he mumbled. Blankly staring the ceiling.

"…You dream about the awful stuff"

In that lost stare Killua assented slowly. "...Nightmare's pick uh?"

"…what …stuff did they do to you?" Gon murmured, his eyes locked into his figure

"I have told you guys in other situations..." Killua spoke nonchalant as he passed a hand through his white strands.

"Yes. Very briefly. I want to hear again… I want to know…what it was like to be you back then..." Gon murmured. Searching eyes.

Killua exhaled. He would give Gon what he needed. It's just...that small white-haired boy, hanging from some abandoned ceiling in his mind, it'd been other him. As if he had been left behind. "Ok". Shrugging inside, he decided to just tell whatever came to his mind in remembrance.

"Lemme see…they would... give me poison to train me. They would… hang me from the ceiling for hours….They would chain me, and whip me ..." He spoke removed, " or burn me….They taught me how to handle all these." he paused "and they were good teachers…but sometimes it would happen I just couldn't….the electric shocks, I couldn't…" he smiled faintly "well what else? They starved me, or left me locked in a room for weeks. and then they would….. Take me to…" Killua paused "to practice on field my profession and stuff..."

Gon's gaze was intense…he looked at him directly to his eyes. Killua somehow mistook it and reformulated "oh yeah, ex-profession" but Gon whispered faintly

"There… who did you fear the most?"

Killua wondered about the word choice. Who did you fear, and not what did you fear. The way he told the story had made it all sound impersonal. He could have been asked what he feared and he could have said, poison, or electricity, or chains, what the hell. But who, he'd been asked who.

"Well...in all those stuff...you can guess, they'd mostly leave me to Illumi's care..." He leveled his voice "he trained me..."

Gon's eyes were expectant "He did."

Killua felt silent. He felt removed from his words. And yet dangling too near the edge…

"He..." Killua fixed his eyes to the wooden ceiling as he spoke. "Illumi was cruel. He could do whatever he wanted with me…" he whispered smoothly "…Jump in one leg. I would. Do not eat. I would... Kill… I would… At the moment... it felt like I wa…" he trailed and breathed "…no, it was true. At the moment I was… his property… He would say his doll" he whispered detachedly. He smiled bitterly to the ceiling. "How sick is that…"

The albino noted how he felt Gon hold tight on his own. His eyes… there was anger there.

"What things did he do to you?" Gon stared directly at Killua's eyes.

"he made me kill"

The room was too dark, and so was their tent, it was easy to paint the crevices of the hanging cloths with different meanings related closely to how breathing got harder.

"Killua..." his voice was low. Was it anger? Suddenly afraid of what he was going to say Killua cut Gon's speech.

" Yes I know. I'm also glad it's all over, and that now I'm living the life" He shook his head.

"Then why was he here?"

Silence... and Killua sighed feeling…frail…. "I-.. I really don't know why he came back" his shoulders slumped depressed. Who knows why his brother had returned to torture him...

The only explanation was self pleasure which was sick. For some time he'd actually thought he'd outgrown his tastes...His jaw clenched. He suddenly had felt the bitter side of him arising in sick ropes, lashing. Inadvertently hating the flash of his own frailty, suddenly defensive- loathing – wanting to be alone – loathing everything and everyone truly -as if he'd just drank gasoline- he closed his eyes

"Hey. Thank you"

The words delayed their entrance to his mind. He… found himself seeking and finding Gon's humble expression in the dark.

"Uh"

"Thank you. For telling me." He stared again at Killua

He clung to those words. His eyes…- intensely -lovingly, the beautiful honey colour piercing his chest, and still somewhat melted into tenderness. He became aware again of their knotted hands…

His warmth...His void…

He ….he seemed to know how much effort it'd meant. He seemed to know about the unverbalized… all…. Killua hadn't noticed at first but Gon was radiating anger...

The albino softly almost imperceptibly leaned towards the tanned boy, and Gon felt it.

…

"Killua..." he whispered. Leaning closer too…closing his eyes… he could breathe his scent…

"Let's leave." A soft silence "Let's go to Whale Island"

Killua opened his eyes… "But…"

"Kurapica? I know… but…it doesn't matter… Let's leave" Gon whispered. Leaning closer… his warmth…

"Are you sure"

"yes" Certain resolution was bound like a promise to his gaze. Killua shut tight his eyes. Unprepared for the overwhelming feeling. They would leave… They would leave...

Nightmare… nightmare in the dark…with your fearful symmetry… are you over?

The raven held himself so close…

"… Killu"

"Mmm"

"….Can you sleep now" Gon whispered to the dark.

Killua had closed his eyes catlike "I think so …" he hummed…This time he wasn't lying…

...

Gon leaned closer. There was a long silence, where they just felt the warmth of each other's breathing. The raven bit his lip….He could try or he could not, he thought to himself. He decided he would.

He took Killua's shoulder to lean a bit closer -

Whoa-At the touch he'd cringed away, his eyes widened in terror for half a second-fuck. Gon took away his hand immediately as if burnt.

"No! I mean no!, uh-" and Killua now wide awake quickly placed Gon's hand on his shoulder again as if to mend the action before- it all had been so perfect just a moment ago, geez!

"I mean, not if you don't want to touch me, "he added quickly and dropped Gon's hand "but I, I don't bother if you-I-I-m so-sorry, I" Killua stuttered petrified, suddenly two meters away, the connection to their hands broken.

Laughter like chimes- And his dread was frozen.

Gon looked at him giggling. With… fondness?… and suddenly the raven fell on him, half pushing- half embracing him-one swift motion laughing

"Sometimes you're such an idiot"

Killua was paralysed on his back.

He'd stopped breathing. Against his chest his heart was hammering wildly. He was dirty. He was. Real dirty not imaginary, his hair, his skin ugh dirty-dirty-one shower wouldn't do-would never- and electrified by an image...no, too many images, he tried to break from skin contact- as for a second he forgot the one hugging him was Gon, just feeling the weight over his chest again too soon, remembering, remembering, alarm bells ringing on his head, skin to skin memories, laying on his back-but he was paralysed Helplessly paralysed against the floor. He shut tight his eyes.

But then he felt Gon's scent.

His scent.

He breathed in, as slowly as he could with his heart hammering like that.

Something soothed inside him. Those taunting feelings... he could feel them toning down. They were still there like needles, but on the background… allowing other that was slowly growing inside of him to take place. This was Gon. The tanned boy was clasped to Killua as if holding for dear life…

… Some dark intuition of what actually was happening made him feel Killua was slipping of his hands slowly… if he knew….He did not care… whatever he had to hide… he just…if Killua knew…

Killua felt something that was alien to him, comfort? A nervous laughter- he'd been way too hugged these times, first Leorio, then Gon, twice… and now Gon hugged him even tighter if possible. Killua felt Gon's skin so softly against his own...different to other skins…his warmth instead of those cold hands…. Yes it was a different skin, a different scent- He breathed in deeply all that Gon meant. Yes… all that he was, as he held on to his scent and skin as if for survival, without risking to let go. He closed his eyes. It did... feel good… just to have him near….

…

But he wasn't …. Ready to tell that…

He wouldn't be in a long time. Maybe he could if he worked on the idea-he cheered himself up- maybe... some day…

"Gon…"

It was almost inaudible.

He'd taken his time…But he'd ended up softly embracing him back.

"We'll leave tomorrow" Gon murmured. Killua nodded in his neck….

They kept in silence, like that, just drowned in the warmth of the proximity of their bodies…covered by the blankets... None of them had even crossed the thought of giving meaning to their hold…as if it wasn't something new… as if it'd always been this way.

Minutes, or hours… time went by before a drowsy Gon motioned him to separate. As they did, Gon laid on his side facing him, with one arm resting on Killua's arm and his face again, so near his neck he could feel him breathing, his eyes closed.…

Killua soon felt Gon breathing evenly by his side, and soon he let all slip…. to finally sleep…

And every time he woke up with a start, Gon's arm would tighten around his.

Guys…

All was clad in black and soft. Not just yet, five minutes more Nanny…

Guys- wake up

Nanny? Who was nanny? It should have been mom. Such a horrible mother he had anyways. He opened his eyes feeling his lids comfortably heavy. Leorio focused into his sight and he had a proustian moment of relocating his body to the present. Gon still snored at his side. Both had totally forgotten Biscuit's training no? About being always vigilant and purple whatevers.

"Guys" Leorio murmured gently now looking at the unresponding Gon. The doctor was knelt under the table, his long extremities bent with difficulty into the invented tent.

"Leorio" Killua raised his head sleepy.

"Uh…just so you know guys… I think you are in big trouble" He said amused.

"No, you see, there's no such problem" Kurapica began once again, standing up politely from his chair. Leorio, at his side, sighed; this was no good.

The doctor noted how Gon fidgeted nervously looking to the floor like a wet dog.

Killua meanwhile listened all, quite bored to death. Leorio observed that at certain remarks, he bore a mild expression of amusement. The tall doctor, seated uncomfortably in those small wooden chairs, tuned into the conversation again, only to notice Kurapica had again been interrupted by the very incensed captain.

They'd been summoned not one hour after the cafeteria incident… He heard scrambled words on the whole ordeal- how you can't imagine the cook's dismay when he found the lock forced and the scandal when the waitresses arrived to find the quaint tent in the middle of the cafeteria- which, by the way, had to be functional in no less than ten minutes for no less than five hundred passengers.

In regards to the sleeping scouts -which have no legal guardianship whatsoever nor blood relationship to you as I have been informed- and so I might as well call authorities to take legal actions - well, as to them, they'd been thrown out of the place immediately, and then been dully interrogated all morning in regards to the method used in the nightly break in. They all had difficulties grasping the fact that being a hunter was more than ninja movements and the license.

The problem was that this was not their first one.

"This is a five-star cruise! You were only allowed because of that nut case in power at the hunter committee! But you haven't even paid for the services, you are being allowed here. I will inform this to Netero!" The enraged captain raised his voice, his nose and ears turning slightly red with each huff.

"It won't be necessary" Kurapica tried again softly but was interrupted.

"it is!" At his side, Gon's cloud of gloom seemed to flood him. "Maybe you do not understand the severity of all the deeds, let alone the material damages and money but then, how old are you sir, by the way?"

Kurapica sighed, slightly vexed because he considered himself no child. He opened his mouth in polite protest but the captain cut in, picking a paper from his desk.

"Ah ah ah" he stopped the blond warningly, and began to read

"Over the last few weeks damages have been committed that endanger the proper order and welfare of the ship and its passengers, by yourgroup. Now, as I said earlier, I've expected all these days an explanation, but I have not received one yet! Where do I begin? With the most expensive damage to the cruise?- the closure of the entire gymnasium area, where All the mirror walls were destructed without possible repair" he huffed "that is, shattered to slush ?!" He paced

"The replacement will only be possible when we arrive to a metropolis, which is almost three weeks away from now! I guess you have written the explanation I shall give as an answer to all the passengers who paid for a service that they aren't receiving, am I right? Then there's the- and I will use these words sir- the pool prank from last Tuesday by that boy who, I must say, has been the one causing most trouble"-

A quick glare was directed to Killua. The albino stared at the captain's eyes with a dark empty eyes. Everyone noticed how it froze the captain for a second. A slight shiver shook him before he proceeded

"Well, both, particularly him, have no respect or conscience of the schedule and restrictions of areas. The use of showers outside schedule or the use of a public space for private reasons is inexcusable- by the way, you left the water heater on the other night. And for your knowledge, you have a shower in your own room" he directed his eyes to Killua and without breathing turned to Leorio

"Then we have you, sir" he pointed "intimidating the nurses and renting an infirmary room of your own. Maybe you were not explained the protocol but that is not a service available for passengers at all! Not even with your almighty hunter license. They claimed you were rather desperate to have the infirmary room for your own use, but whatever situation given, if of urgency, should be contacted to me." He pointed to his chest.

"Because sincerely, even though in my place, I've been obliged to watch security cameras to present a case, since none of you have ever presented reasons for your actions or came forward after the deeds!" He rose his hand to the air "This is the problem of hunters, you believe you own everything and do not possess an ounce of respect!"

He lifted the paper

"Here! Look here!" he read speedily "there's again the too frequent use of prohibited and dangerous spaces like the roof, the boilers and control cabin for the futile purpose of recreation! I mean, seagulls. So do understand- yesterday was only the last straw! I stress out this is not an isolated incident"

Leorio tried a word but was cut.

" Excuse me sir but items were taken of the kitchen, items that are of the ship's property! Not being enough, we had to dismount your tent-like lodgings, which delayed the entire breakfast schedule. We are speaking of hundreds of complaints on the delay that I as a captain have to answer and take responsibility for. Not to mention the break in of the cafeteria in the night and the deliberate use of force to dismount the lock! This is inadmissible"

Gon, though tearless, seemed about to cry.

Kurapica tried again to speak but was interrupted "No sir, I'm sorry. Whatever you say now, it is too late for consideration…Basic requirements were not followed and behaviour is far beyond the admissible of a passenger." The captain inhaled deeply "I showed you my trust that day we shared the rum. But it has not been returned. I must somberly inform you that you are expelled of this ship. "

"What?"

"Well, as you heard sir! Expelled!"

There was a brief silence.

And Killua burst in laughter.

Leorio and Kurapica snapped their heads to give him a stern look. Kurapica raised his hands and finally spoke

"As I was saying, sir, I am very sorry for all the inconveniences we have caused you. I take full responsibility for the two youngsters here which have caused the most trouble. "

"I as well" Leorio added.

"Whatever measures you say, we will abide. I agree in everything you have expressed, and I'm truly sorry, our behaviour has been inexcusable…" Kurapica nodded slowly with apologetic eyes and precise words

"However I was just trying to inform you it won't be necessary to expel us from the ship. This morning, without connection to the events happening at the cafeteria I was going to approach you in regards of our departure. The truth is we have to leave in quite a hurry. Therefore you do not need to spend on a boat or transport measures or take unnecessary inconveniences to get rid of us. You can leave us in the next inhabited island. The hunter committee will send a jet"

As Kurapica informed him, the captain's face somewhat subtly morphed. First he seemed confused, but as he understood he began nodding earnestly. "So you are leaving. The four of you, do I understand correctly?"

"Yes sir. It is the least we can do after all the trouble we have caused you"

"Exactly. I cannot stress this more. Then we have an agreement."

"Yes"

The captain breathed slowly as if trying to calm himself. He looked up wary "and in regards of the material damage?"

"We take full responsibility. Us and the hunter committee, as to how much you decide to charge to compensate for the damages" Kurapica replied.

The captain nodded. "Very well, very well. This is the response I was expecting all along "

Gon suddenly spoke. His voice almost non-existent, looking to the ground

"Captain…I'm extremely sorry… I really am, for all. We did not think-"

"It's quite clear you did not think" the captain interrupted the conflicted boy severely. He settled the paper on the desk as if to settle the matter, and have the four of them out as soon as possible. But Leorio stood.

"Sir I just want to intercede for the smaller ones" Leorio looked up "Formally, being expelled of the ship will be written in their hunter record, you might be informed. I wanted just to point out…They are kids…" his voice softened as he proceeded.

"They're extraordinary kids who got to be hunters too soon. They are kind-hearted. They are restless and mischievous and probably have ADHD... they have misused what was given to them." he looked at the younger ones "You are in all your right to inform of their inexcusable behaviour to the hunter committee director. But do no expel them formally. This may be inked permanently in their hunter career and future name. It's sad to blemish their registry being them so young…"

The captain hesitated. He stumbled into the raven's shamed look. He had a beautiful honey eye color. They were cast down as if truly humiliated. The other one seemed apathetic, but this one seemed a nice kid. The captain exhaled.

"Very well. I won't expel him. I mean them. Of course I expect repayment for all the material damage as soon as possible"

"Yes, we will sir"

Gon immediately raised his head. Conflict and determination sizzling his eyes.

"No sir I refuse"

There was a silence where even Killua turned his head worried

"What?" The captain's eyes bulged misreading Gon.

"We have to take the brunt of our actions. It is our responsibility. Please do expel us formally" Gin's son said with determination over the hurt. The captain observed him.

"And you think I care about your opinion? Because as matters are, you didn't worry about mine, eh kid?"

Gon nodded emphatically "It is true, and for that we are in your debt. Please do not spare us for we do not deserve it" he said keeping his voice steel steady.

"I will choose what will be done" the captain said gravely "and it will be in benefit of the ship and my welfare and not your honour" he said sternly, even though he already felt certain fondness for the kid. Gon looked down.

The captain wrapped his hands together "all my polite regards but we'll be expecting your leave as soon as possible. I hope it doesn't sound as hypocrite to say, it was nice meeting you. Farewell. "

Kurapica nodded

Thank you very much"

They were outside in silence.

Killua smirked "ADHD eh?" He nudged Leorio.

"I've never been more sincere"

Gon was unnaturally silent. And gloomy. Kurapica sighed heavily. As if gathering patience in a single inhalation. But his and Leorio's benevolent smiles- not even one look of disappointment just contributed to increase the raven's guilt. They'd done it this time. It was beyond sympathetic denial. They'd done it.

Killua nudged him. Gon looked up.

"Hey... it's all over man" he smiled gently. "It's not that bad, it's funny"

But the raven kid raised his head "I'm… I'm sorry guys" he looked at the doctor and the kuruta who had taken the brunt for them.

"We were leaving anyways" Kurapica spoke wearily but matter-of- fact.

Gon eyebrows tilted as he looked down. He'd disappointed the friends that trusted him, hadn't he… "I really am sorry… "

"We know" Kurapica curved the corner of his mouth. Gon raised his head timidly and looked at the elder blond. Leorio frowned weary, adjusting his glasses

"We're not going to lecture you so cast away those wet puppy eyes"

Killua snickered "you heard the old guys? Gon, take it! It's a one in a lifetime opportunity! They aren't- going- to -lecture- us! I mean, us"

Gon lifted a faint smile. He caught himself thinking on his snigger, the violet eyes, the certainty he would always be mischievous and daring. He grinned. But he had to turn to matters.

"Kurapica… why are we in a hurry?"

A gentle breeze blew rustling their clothes.

It'd been hanging in the air, the question, for some time now since the explanation. Leorio and Kurapica had spoken this and prepared their departure story in advance, but still there was this hesitance that made Gon frown "because you weren't lying in there with the captain, were you?"

"No…I wasn't" The blond nodded slowly.

"…not interested, so I'm going to pack" Killua murmured and turned on his heels. As if a survival instinct had triggered in.

"Wait" Leorio kept him in place taking a hand to grasp his collar-bone from behind. He felt his tensing shoulders blades as he was stopped but Leorio directed his attention to the blond .

"I wasn't lying…" Kurapica sighed. "I think the Phantom Brigade is chasing us. Or rather…me… well, I do not need to involve you guys in a fight...but..."And Leorio noticed how the kuruta's analytical nature gave way to his sincere words in the hesitation"But… I said I would stay with my friends for some time and a promise is a promise, right Gon?"

He exhaled "I do not want to endanger you, so I'll leave again soon… but not yet…Let's…be sometime together. I owe it to you. But until then, I'll guess I'll just have to ask you to be on the run with me."

Gon appreciated the honesty. The first for quite some time around the place it seemed. He smiled eagerly.

"We can go to Whale Island, at least for a week"

"Actually we can. It's such a faraway island that with the hunter committee's help I don't think they'll be able to follow" Kurapica nodded.

There was a thick silence. Killua felt aware of every finger gently pressing his collarbone. He wasn't facing them. He wanted to run but the reason was irrational. Or maybe it wasn't. He tried to put thoughts into place, instead of the empty feeling of the hand to his shoulder. Kurapica wasn't confronting the Spiders. That nagged him. As much as how he'd been kept in place. It was as if they'd just told them the world was upside down. Comradeship? Kurapica would never avoid fighting the Spiders –unless he was trying to protect them? Or unless he was staying for a reason- He gave a hesitant step but Leorio held him firm, though his eyes were on the conversation.

. "I …sort of knew" Gon looked down, breaking his stare from Kurapica's eyes

A blond eyebrow raised and Leorio knew they'd used the Phantom Brigade as an excuse – it'd been time bought to figure out who had been following them because it wasn't the Spiders. He actually hadn't been speaking the truth. Even though he suspected they were near…but still, this was new-

"What do you know Gon?"

"Again why do I have to stay? I'm tired" Killua's voice was low. He gave a step forward but Leorio held him. "Wait Killua" He wanted to ask him something-but Gon replied

"Well... what I know for sure is that someone's been following us." He shrugged easily

At this Kurapica's eyes darkened…

Leorio's expression sombered as well…

But then the doctor suddenly became aware of the still figure he held. Killua had frozen on place under his grasp. His eyes…

"And the most obvious answer is that it's the Phantom Brigade." Gon shrugged. "You felt their presence too… Also Hisoka was near. Besides, I recognized their Nen in the last few islands"

It wasn't to be expected. But Kurapica's eyes flashed. It was a dangerous glint, for just a second; but Gon recognized the change of thought.

The change of volition.

That piece of information. Gon observed Kurapica so you won't be staying with us then? You're just trying to get us away from the Spiders, so you can fight them alone, no? It was just words to get them off this ship and away. Gon sighed a little vexed. He'd had to ask Killua what he thought about the entire deal. He turned to exchange a compliance glance with his best friend.

He found the violet eyes…void.

Suddenly he noticed Killua's entire cast down frame, his frozen stare, and the tense shoulders under the doctor's grasp. The void eyes. A chill ran down his spine.

"Let him go, Leorio" he spoke lowly. And he was surprised to notice his voice had almost a feral touch.

Kurapica turned his head surprised. The moment he said it, Gon almost regretted it confused- the raven immediately realized he did not understand the tone his voice had just adopted… he only identified the surge of protection that had suddenly overcome him at the image.

Leorio loosened his grasp immediately, startled as well. Killua shook his head. He turned stunned…to find the honey eyes.

"…I'm leaving to pack" the albino said absently. "Bye guys..." he trailed as his feet carried him forward.

The three of them looked at the albino leaving.

"Then why I hear there was quite some material damage? Are you sure you did not leave the ship on the captain's command?" The knowing old eyes narrowed "I do know, by experience, that those two can be trouble eh?" Netero laughed.

"It's all taken care of, President. You do not need to worry about anything. Thanks again for sending the jet" Kurapica replied curtly.

The old man in the screen of his computer raised an eyebrow

"So I do not need to take care of anything, is it?" he paused "or you do not wish for me to find out about their atrocities?" he chuckled and crossed his hands in his lap

"No-I-"

"But…are you sure, Kurapica, that you should be the one taking responsibility? It is them that did the wreckage. You were just invited to the cruise. It's even curious" he said connivingly "I do believe other affairs in your agenda are far more urgent than a trip to whale island"

"I-"

" and they're hunters. They can take care by themselves. They should demonstrate they deserve their license" and old voice of power raised to step. "If they can handle it or not, why would you be interested" his eyes gleamed and his voice lowered"because…I believed there are far more important promises that bind you, are there not?"

Kurapica paled and opened his mouth but Leorio suddenly turned the computer to his direction "I disagree!"

"Oh, hi Leorio. So there you were. Still in the suit eh?" he reckoned the tall guy with mirth.

"Honourable President I'm sorry to interrupt but I believe you should raise the minimum age to classify as a hunter. Kids should not be allowed the kind of responsibility that the license imposes" he said valiantly.

Netero burst in laughter.

"So THAT much trouble they have become for you two? Ha ha ha!" He laughed heartily, small droplets gathered at the corners of his eyes "If so, you should leave the two alone and unburden yourselves….eh?"

"No! -I meant-" the tall man shifted flustered

"Leorio" the elder cut him with benevolence "numerous young hunters have made huge contributions to the welfare of this world. Gin being one himself! And he began at twelve... We would be taking their legal right to help and contribute with their natural talent if we were picky."

"-but what about their right to safety and integrity and what if dysfunctional famil- hey! "

The computer was taken from his hands by a displeased Kurapica. He cleared his mouth, orderly setting the machine in place "I'm quite sorry for the disruption to our conference Mr. President" he replied coldly. "We are missing the point to our conversation"

"Kurapica" Netero paused "do tell this old man….do you have feelings akin to those of your friend?"

Kurapica's nose slightly wrinkled... The old man surely wanted to fool with them as to the double layer of evil meaning that last sentence allowed.

It would have passed unnoticed if it weren't for the little gleaming eyes.

The blond remained serious as he stated objectively "You have asked so I will reply with honesty about the subject" He stated to the screen. His frown creased "I do believe the selection to be a hunter should be more rigorous. I do not make reference to the flamboyant show of abilities... as to the fact it should really take into consideration the psychological qualities necessary to exercise the hunter profession with much more criteria" he let out coldly.

All instantly knew he spoke strictly in regards to his own promotion: Hisoka and Illumi. Kurapica proceeded unperturbed

"If I'm not mistaken, the heart of being a hunter requires a will to help the social and natural world. However, many candidates along the years have shown dubious intentions, and yet have the power the license gave them to concrete transgressions, traffic and deviltry."

In their communication space floated the semantic knowledge that last time Kurapica had spoken to Netero directly it been amidst a quite heated argument… about the validity of the last match a friend of theirs had been subject to…and his disqualification.

Netero, quite serious, held Kurapica's stare somberly as the blond spoke the last. He remained in silence yet unwavering, moments after. Kurapica paled but held his gaze as well.

Until the old man's dry lip curved upward. He lifted a finger and pointed them.

"Hah!"

Leorio and Kurapica both were startled as Netero chuckled "ha-ha-ha!" The old man rose his eyebrows "Well you are quite right, Kurapica! As brilliant as always! Thus I inform you that the same issue is currently being discussed in the hunter committee. Psychological criterion are being taken into consideration right now for next year's applicants" He chuckled.

Then he raised his voice to an imaginary speaker out there. "Leorio if you are still somewhere, do know I will pose your concern in regard of the ages! Ha ha ha, funny guys…"

Leorio bent to Kurapica's shoulder to nod at the screen solemnly.

"All is settled little guys. In three days a jet will arrive to the seventh island of the sword, -that is the one where the ship is currently leaving you, right?" They both nodded "If there's a delay of more than five hours, please do tell me through this media"

They nodded.

He raised an open palm

"Fare well this night" He spoke slowly and gravely. Almost yoda-like.

"Good by President Netero..."

On the screen, the president turned to leave when he paused his movements. He directed his eyes to the pair again.

"Kurapica, one last thing. The financial problems in regards to your children's wreckage…They've been already taken care of" he nodded tilting his head "along with quite a compensation to the captain. He shouldn't be bothering you any further. I hope you have a nice voyage" he winked. Kurapica was about to protest when Netero interrupted him "if you need an explanation, just understand I consider myself as the personal sponsor of those children's deeds" he said with elder fondness.

"Mr. Netero-"

"Byeee!"

The connection had been cut.

Kurapica stared at the black screen. "….that old man" he murmured under his breath. "Slick as a..."

"Snot! I know! "Leorio echoed "your children? And how did he say it- Oh, right, little guys! Little guys-I mean, what is he thinking- I'm anything but little!"

Gon and Killua were facing each other. On their tummies. Head resting on hands. Inside the ventilator system.

Above Leorio and Kurapica's heads.

Gon was particularly staring through the grille at the doctor scalp, while he was barking some profanities. The raven bit his lip.

"Three days" he whispered. "That's so long. And they are near"

"Spiders? We don't know that for sure" Killua cleaned the dust on his elbows. He looked up

"... you're… troubled" the albino stated.

"Yeah…"

Gon looked down again, trying to eavesdrop something.

Kurapica seemed to have entered the bathroom and was splashing water to his face. The faucet on and he could only hear dory speaking whale sort of sounds from below.

He looked up to meet the albino's sly expression.

"Spill the beans"

Gon exhaled and bit his lip again "I think that Kurapica will fight them. Even Netero said he should" he whispered.

"I don't think Netero ever spoke on a literal level in the entire conversation…but he does sponsor us. Well, you… everybody keeps getting fond of you Gon" he rolled his eyes.

There was a small silence filled in by the tap water sounding in the background.

"Would you follow me to the craziest?" Gon whispered out of the blue.

Killua stared. He lowered his lashes, a hand to his chin. And he looked up again, a faint smile etched to his lips.

"…Haven't I already, Gon?" he tilted his head "I mean…Greed Island- a game where no one has come out alive, mmm, seems legit-"

Gon's smile had widened, and he'd opened his mouth to say something stupid and sweet- Killua second guessed. But as the raven's mouth opened wide he inhaled enthusiastically tons of dust, which went indiscriminately inside his air ducts.

"aaa—ghsh"

He stifled a sneeze choking. And held his breath.

"No no no no, don't-" Killua's eyes widened.

Gon gaped shaking his head from side to side "ah-"

"Hold it, hold it!"

Gon's eyes were shut, tiny tears at the corners "ah-ah-ah-"

Killua's hands flew to his mouth to cover him as Gon quaked

"Ah-CHOO!" he sneezed with violence against Killua's hand quite loudly.

They both froze.

Below, the doctor, who had been pacing, froze as well.

He looked from side to side in their tiny room.

"Hey Kurapica, did you hear that?"

From the bathroom the blond turned off the faucet "you asked me something Leorio?"

The doctor looked suspiciously to every corner of the room.

"Leorio, after this we are asking him. Right away. When we arrive to the island... "

"Mm"

"Where are the guys by the way?" Kurapica was fetching a towel in the bathroom cabinets.

The friends were frozen on their navels, completely holding their breath. Not even looking through the grille. Killua's hand on Gon's…. gooey mouth.

Killua hadn't heard wrong.

"Mmm…" the doctor examined the windows. Certain suspicion lingering to the hand posed on his chin. " I could swear I heard Gon sneezing…" he mumbled in thought.

"Kurapica" he called "I'll go check on the guys okay?" he voiced out "Anyways we have to get ready to leave like now. We are almost at the island, no?

"O-key. Go fetch them, I'll stay here. I'm just so…sleepy. Ages I had guarded night watch on someone. I've been up for like 48 hours…weren't we supposed to be on vacation?"

Gon finally moved to cover his own mouth slowly. Still a bit terrorized at the prospect of almost being found. Killua shook his thoughts away as he stared at his hand with visible disgust. And looked at the raven accusingly.

"...I mean Eww. I'm covered in your snot Gon" he snapped, extending the hand for Gon to see. He looked again at his palm with vexation "Just-Eeeww"

"so-sorry -sorry-so-oo-ry-y!" Gon tried to stifle his giggles. Killua exhaled, clearing his hand on his own shirt. He'd get revenge on Gon for this.

"Killua… what the guys said… who do you think they will speak with?"

The albino met Gon's eyes with zealous decision. His low voice smooth to his handsome features in the dim light.

"Gon, whatever they meant I calculate we have some five minutes to return"

Then, a devious glint gloved his voice "Do you feel like racing whale-kid? Cause I'm leaving, like… now"

"bu-"

Oh but he'd disappeared. Down the now open grille, to skirt across the room's window and out without even the slightest stir of a sound. Kurapica wasn't even given the chance to notice the blur, still in the bathroom

"What a cheater!" Gon bit his lip to hide the frustration as he jumped as well and raced.

When Leorio arrived to their room, Gon was zipping his luggage with brutal efforts for closure. Killua had his own baggage to his side, as he laid over his bed, arms behind his head, looking up smug.

"…you were here the entire time?"

Gon looked up confused.

"Oh, hi Leorio! Uuuuuuughh—stupid BAG!"

"Let me help. We have to be ready soon…"

The sun set as they were driven away on a small boat to the island.

Kurapica sat facing at the giant piece of land, a monstrous set of greenery… Leorio stared at Kurapica, because his hair kindled strands of gold to the evening light. Gon's skin had a glow of his own, along with his eyes, as he filled and emptied a bucket with water, perched to one side, in a way Mito would have probably thought dangerous.

He sat in the further edge hugging his knees. His hands were hidden in the oversized pullover. He stared at the setting sun…

…He hadn't felt hiTs presence that day...

The ship stood ominous yet further and further… In his belly were held different of his nightmare scenarios, the deck, the stairs,the halls,the bedrooms, his steps,oh weren't they still firmly detained in another looped timeline...

…But it'd been where they'd made their tent… it'd been where they held hands.

All was left behind.

That ship had housed them for those weeks. Before it'd been Kaito, before it'd been Yorkshin, somewhere between the dry plateaus of Greed Island… They were nomads… they were homeless…

But now they would get back to Whale Island…their safe harbour…

The boat skimmed the darkening seas, waves lapping against wood, inked in the golden colors. They seem to chant...

Away

Away

Away…

A/N:

How are you doing guys? I'm so so sorry for making you wait this long, I truly am. This last months have been really rough on me, always with college, working, loving boyfriend, harsh family and all. Also something terrible happened. It may sound stupid for some, but my cat, my companion, died. She was run over by a car... and it was really terrible. I miss her so so so so much- I remember having pets when little.. but never had it hurt so much as it did now. She would sleep with me, and lunch with me, and whenever I took her in my arms to shoot the world she would lick my nose. Her name was Marceline (after the Adventure Time)... she was all white and had blue eyes and was purrfect... I actually used to sing to her as i held her (8) Oh marceline, it's just you and me in the wreckage of the world (8) that must be so confusing for a little caaat (8)

sighs.

I really do miss her... She only had a concussion to her head it seems...but it killed her. I found her in the middle of my street, with just a little blood from her mouth. She could have been sleeping. But her heart wasn't beating. It's strange, what death does to a warm body... her eyes went grey, her tongue was rigid, her sphincters collapsed. I took her in my arms and she was already loosing hair fast. Not 45 minutes ago she had goodbyed me at the door as I went to the supermarket. But as hours prolonged and my boyfriend's family came and cried for her as well (she was extremely loved by everyone) she became cold and rigid and curled like a small fluffy ball. I thank that I got to hold her and say goodbye...We buried her.

I guess it's not the best chapter,but this one is dedicated for Marceline.

Thank you guys very very much for keeping up with me. I'm really concerned as to the length though... (each chapter keeps getting longer). Please do tell me if you want them shorter. Also, do tell me what you want to see corrected. A hug to you all.
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