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(Never) Let Him Know	By : Fullmetal_Masochist Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1808 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters in the series. I am making no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 16
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- 18
As I regained consciousness, I found myself in a hospital room. I sat up on the bed and felt a shock of pain from my shoulder. There was a knock on the door before it opened to reveal Dr. Yoshimura.
"You know, I'd rather we see each other at Anteiku over a nice cup of coffee instead of this hospital, Kaneki. How are you feeling?"
"Hello, sir. My shoulder hurts, but other than that..."
"Yes, the bite wound wasn't too severe. Since some of the muscle is gone, you'll notice some weakness when using your left arm for any lifting, but with therapy, it won't be much of a handicap for you. You took another nasty bump to the head as well, though this concussion wasn't as serious as before. Considering the scene, you're fortunate to only have the injuries you received."
"The scene?"
"Yes, the construction site where you were found had an accident. Some steel beams that were stored on the upper levels fell. You were found clear of the wreckage, but-"
"Hide. What happened to Hide?!"
"Your friend's injuries were considerably more serious, as he was closer to where the beams fell. The new ER surgeon Dr. Kanou handled him when the two of you arrived. I heard he's in recovery now, still critical but alive. The lady that was found with you was directly hit and didn't make it. Even though he's new, Kanou was bold enough to make the call to use her organs to save your friend's life. Whether it was the ethically right choice remains to be seen. But since we've had no way of identifying her or contacting her next of kin, the hospital isn't pushing the issue just yet."
He's alive. That's all that matters to me right now. "Thank you, sir, for everything."
"Get some rest, Kaneki. Something tells me you'll need it."
He stepped out of the room and closed the door. I leaned against the hospital bed and stared up at the ceiling. Rize didn't make it through that ordeal, and Hide was barely hanging on. And here I was with hardly a scratch, all because he pushed me out of the way. I watched her run that monstrous tendril through his stomach and fling him around like a plaything. By all rights, it should have been me suffering now, not Hide. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of our last meeting and how I walked off without giving him a chance to explain. I could lose him now, and the last thing he'd remember was me turning my back on him. I laid there and silently wept until sleep came for me once more.
"Here are some extra bandages, remember to change them at least twice a day. And no skipping the cleansing agent, Kaneki. I know it stings, but it's necessary to avoid infection," said the nurse as she prepared me for my hospital release.
"I won't, thank you for all your help."
I stepped through the doors of the ward I'd been in and immediately made my way to the Intensive Care Unit. Dr. Yoshimura said that visitors weren't allowed in the ICU but considering the situation, he'd allow an exception. My nerves had me trembling as I walked up to the counter and introduced myself and who I was there to see. Once I was given a room number, I continued on my way.
Standing at the door to his room, I grasped the handle and hesitated in opening it. Considering the way things were left between us, did I have any right to face him right now? He's in this room because of me, I should be the last person he'd want to visit him. Despite those depressing thoughts, I couldn't come this close and turn away now. I opened the door and stepped inside.
"H-Hide, it's me." My voice didn't carry well over the sounds of the machines in the room. I was unable to identify their function but just knew that they were keeping Hide alive. He was lying flat on his back in a bed surrounded by tubes and wires. A large bandage wrapped around his stomach in the area where Rize had impaled him. Bruises and cuts were scattered across his skin. He was still unconscious and didn't respond to my call. His breath was shallow and hesitant through the oxygen mask that covered most of his face.
Despite this, he was still beautiful to me. I started to cry again as I sat down at his side and took his limp hand into mine.
"It's my fault you're hurt this time. I'm sorry for all of this! But... I'll take care of you, just like you did for me. I'm sorry I hesitated so long to talk to you. This could have been avoided if I hadn't walked away from you that day. I swear that I'll make it up to you somehow, Hide."
It may have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I felt his hand grip mine at that moment. There was no other sign or response, but it brought a smile to my face to believe that he had heard me.
"I heard he woke up; can I see him now?" I said as I rushed up to the ICU counter once again. It had been over a week since I'd been discharged. I visited with Hide every day since then. Today I was woken up by a call from the nurse on duty who told me Hide had opened his eyes.
"Now isn't a good time, Kaneki. I'm sorry you came all the way here, but he needs his rest right now."
"O-Oh, yeah, it's... I understand. Could you let him know I was here to see him?"
"Certainly, dear."
And so this was how each day went since Hide came back to us. I'd go to see him only to be turned away each time. The nurses felt terrible for doing so, but I know they must honor the requests of their patients before anyone else. If Hide wasn't feeling well enough to see anyone, then I had to respect that.
I found out Hide was discharged three weeks after the accident happened. I immediately sent him texts and tried calling him as well but didn't get any replies. At first, I figured he needed time to adjust to being out of the hospital. But eventually, my thoughts drifted to him just not wanting anything to do with me anymore. Which honestly wouldn't be crazy considering this was my fault in the first place. I did swear to care for him as he did after my accident, and I wasn't going to let myself give up on that promise so quickly.
After being ignored for nearly a week, I decided it was time to face him. I gathered the courage and went to Hide's apartment. He'd brought me there a few times while we were dating. It was in a decent neighborhood, but it was further from the school and Mado's than my place, so he had been considering letting it go and moving in with me. The incident with Tsukiyama in the parking lot happened before he moved, however. I lightly knocked on his door and waited for a reply. After waiting long enough, I knocked again with more urgency this time.
"Hide? It's me; please answer me if you're in there!" I knocked more heavily now, not concerned with who else I may be annoying in the process.
"Just leave," Hide said through the door. I stopped and stared at it as if I could see him on the other side. This is the closest we'd been in weeks, and he wanted me to go?
"I'm sorry, Hide, but I can't do that. There's so much that I need to say to you. Please just give me the chance to tell you—"
"It's not necessary, but you have to leave now. Please." Despite his voice being muffled by the door, I could hear the pain in it as he spoke.
"I can't! I almost lost you, Hide, and it was all my fault!" I started sobbing as I rested my forehead against his door. "I was there, every day, while you were in the hospital. I-I held your hand just like you held mine, too. Even after you woke up and refused to see anyone I still showed up, just in case you were feeling well enough to have visitors. It should have been me! Why did you..." I couldn't keep talking, my throat choked up as I cried and softly beat my hand against the door.
"Step back." I felt vibrations through the door where Hide must have been turning the lock. I stepped away and allowed him to open it.
"H-Hide..."
Standing in front of me wasn't the Hide I recognized. He wore a white eyepatch over his left eye. His other eye looked sunken in, with a dark shadow underneath. His cheeks seemed hollow and his skin pale. He'd gotten thinner and so sickly since I last saw him in the hospital.
"What happened to you? You look so... Have you been eating well?"
Hide's brow furrowed, and he looked away, obviously upset about what I'd said.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that I didn't expect—"
"You shouldn't have come to see me, Kaneki. And I shouldn't have let you in." He turned away from me, hiding tears that I didn't have to see to know were gathering in his eyes. "It's just not safe for you to be near me anymore. So, go, please."
- 16
- 17
- 18
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(Never) Let Him Know