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My Sun, My Supernova	By : ditchgospel Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3283 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
My Sun, My Supernova

Chapter 18

Rise and Shine,
Fall and Fade

Konzen has awakened.

Awakened amidst searing pain, far worse than anything he has ever been forced
to endure. He cannot breath, he cannot even see. He is aware of nothing else but
pain, until finally, these effects subside. Lying on the floor, gasping in order
to restore his breathing rate to normal, heart still pounding in his chest, he
begins to become aware. Confusion, disorientation, and the lingering ghosts of
past events still wailing through his mind all come to his attention.

He pushes himself up into a sitting position, struggling to get his bearings.
The last thing he can remember is the battle. With a sick feeling he remembers
watching Tenpou and Kenren die. That had definitely been real, much too
real. He remembers trying to protect Goku, wanting to keep him safe above
all else, his care for the boy almost overpowering in its intensity. Yes, he had
come to care for Goku that much, without even realizing it, until it was too
late. He remembers...

With a gasp of panic, Konzen reaches for his throat, and calls out Goku's
name into the strange room where he now finds himself. His voice had been stolen
from him. His life had been taken as well. And Goku. His Goku had been taken
from him, his protection denied to the boy.

Now, there is no blood, and he can hear the sound of his own voice calling
out. He can see his body; feel the solid floor beneath him. He is not
dead. But then, what had happened? He had felt the sword in the instant before
his life was extinguished. He had felt it. He had been so afraid,
terrified. Now...

Still feeling shaky, one hand upon his throat, Konzen takes in his
surroundings. What is this strange room? It feels so... real. His eyes
sweep over the room, and stop dead when they see Goku. Any attempt at trying to
make sense of his situation comes crashing to a halt. Goku. Goku is here,
and he is safe. They are not dead, and Goku is here.

He blinks, blind relief gradually clearing into puzzled concern. Something is
different. Something is wrong.

This is definitely Goku; there is no doubt of that in his mind. But... this
Goku is different because he is not the child he remembers. This Goku is a young
man. And something is wrong because Goku is staring straight at him, but not
seeing him. His golden eyes are vacant, lost, and dead to the world.
Konzen calls his name again, a note of desperation in his voice. When he gets no
response, not even so much as a flicker, he crawls forward towards the boy. When
he reaches him, he puts his hands on Goku's shoulders, gently shaking him and
saying his name. Goku may as well be a lifeless doll for all the reaction that
he can get out of him. Beginning to panic again, Konzen just keeps shaking and
calling, with no response, until eventually he slaps him in the face. Still
nothing. Nothing. Has Goku been taken from him after all? Is this a
nightmare?

Tears begin to wet Konzen's cheeks. He is so afraid, so confused, so
helpless, and Goku is...

He throws his arms around Goku's vacant body, holding him close, never
wanting to let go again. Not ever again. He whispers Goku's name in a
tightly constricted voice, a voice that never again wants to be restrained from
calling out to the creature he has come to love. If nothing else, then at least
he will not let Goku out of his sight again. Not this time. No matter what
happens.

For Goku, the familiar, comforting presence and embrace of the one he loves,
this special warmth and light that he craves more than anything else, gradually
sinks into his awareness, and he wants to let it in. But to let it in, he
must reach for it. To reach for it, he must be awake. So he awakens. He blinks,
and mumbles Sanzo's name. At the sound, Konzen pulls back, frowning with concern
into Goku's eyes.

Goku looks back at him, looking for reassurance in those violet eyes, looking
for acceptance. What he sees is concern, and fear. Faced with this, Goku wants
to retreat, he wants to hide, and so his mind begins to slip away again. Renewed
panic flares up in Konzen, and he pulls Goku back into an embrace, speaking
words of reassurance, begging Goku to stay with him, just to stay with
him, promising not to leave him again. Goku hears, and he responds. This is the
comfort his soul demands, the spiritual antidote for which he yearns. The waking
world envelops him once again, and he is back. He returns the embrace, soaking
it in like medicine.

Eventually, a sense of calm settles on the two. Konzen tentatively breaks his
hold, in order to check on Goku's condition. He breathes a sigh of relief upon
seeing that Goku is still with him, and apparently much recovered.

"Goku. What happened to you? Why are you..."

"Sanzo? I... I'm sorry. I only wanted to... but I only hurt you again, didn't I?
You're right. I guess nothing works. But... I thought I could help. I'm sorry,
Sanzo, you don't want my help."

"Goku, what are you babbling on about? I'm the one who should be sorry. But
you're all right now. You aren't hurt, are you?"

"Hurt? I... no. Sanzo, you were the one who was hurt. I thought I
could help heal you. Don't you want to be healed, Sanzo?"

Konzen shakes his head, trying to understand what Goku is saying, confusion
bubbling up again.

"Goku, I think I was hurt, but I'm fine now, I'm fine. But what
happened to you? Why are you like this?"

"Like... what? I don't get what you mean, Sanzo. And... I don't care about past
lives or whatever. I just wanna be with you now, in this
life."

For some reason, an ominous shiver runs its way up Konzen's back.

"Past... lives? Goku, what are you talking about? Why do you keep calling me
that name, Sanzo? It's me, Konzen."

"Kon... zen?"

Goku shakes his head slightly, and reaches out, almost hesitantly, to touch
Konzen's hair, searching deep within his eyes for answers to the confusing mess
presently swirling in his mind.

"Konzen. Sanzo. The same, but different. Sanzo said... Konzen is here with him.
He said... I was with Konzen in the past. Sanzo said..."

Konzen listens, and then questions Goku, seeking answers which, somehow, he
feels he already knows.

"Goku, who is this Sanzo? Does he have something to do with why you look like
this? Goku?"

As Goku gazes into Konzen's eyes, something suddenly seems to click. This is
Sanzo, but why does he somehow not feel like the Sanzo he knows? This is Sanzo,
but also... not Sanzo. Sanzo's words from last night come back to him, when
he had spoken of Konzen. Goku hadn't understood, then. But Sanzo had said that
he would know. Yes, he does know. This man, this isn't his Sanzo.
No, this is Konzen, from long ago. This isn't about memory; those
memories have been lost to him for so long. This is about a feeling, and about
simply knowing. This is about a connection so deep that it goes
beyond time and memory. This is truth.

"Konzen... I know you. Konzen. It's... it's been so long, I thought
I'd forgotten. I did forget. Konzen, Konzen, Konzen. How could I have
ever forgotten?"

Tears begin to fall from Goku's eyes. The reason for the tears is so mixed
up, that he can barely even place it. Part sorrow, and part joy. All he finds he
can do is throw his arms around Konzen's neck.

"Konzen! I missed you. Even though I didn't know what I missed, I
still missed you. Then Sanzo came, and he is you, but not
you, and I forgot. I still forget, but I know I know you. I
know you, Konzen, I know you."

"Goku... where are we? What happened?"

"You died, Konzen. I didn't, but I waited for you. I waited for a
long, long, time. I waited, and you came. You died, and you were reborn.
You were reborn, and you came to find me. As Sanzo, you came. I don't
understand much, except this. Something happened to Sanzo, and you came back.
That's why you're both here now. Sanzo said... Sanzo said you came back for a
reason, and that I had to help you. I had to help you so you could help
him."

"How long... was I gone? How long did you wait for Sanzo?"

"I don't know. Years and years, I guess. Long, long time. I was alone
the whole time, shut in a cave. But you did come. You did."

"Goku, I'm sorry. I never meant to leave you. I never meant for you to
be alone. I tried to protect you. I only wanted to protect you. But of course I
would come back. I would always come back."

As Goku cries, Konzen gently strokes his hair, pondering over everything that
has been said, and although he is still confused, he knows the truth behind
these words. He remembers too the strange dreams he had been having, and this
Goku looks just like the Goku in those dreams.

"Goku, I'm here now, for whatever reason. And... I think... I think I can feel
this Sanzo... somewhere inside. He's confused, but he wants me to help. I'll try
to listen, I'll try to listen to you both."

A sudden knock at the door makes them both jump, and a second later, the door
opens to admit Hakkai. He pauses in surprise at seeing the occupants of the room
both sitting on the floor together.

"Oh, am I interrupting something? I'm sorry, but we're ready to go for
breakfast now, so I came to bring you down."

Konzen stares, and stares. Tenpou! But, he had seen Tenpou killed. Yet
here he is, alive and well.

"Tenpou?"

Goku looks quizzically at Konzen, observing his reaction to Hakkai's
appearance. Then he comes to a conclusion and speaks.

"You knew Hakkai in the past, didn't you? Konzen, listen. He isn't the same
person. Whoever he was, that person died. He's Hakkai now. Do you
understand?"

Konzen turns to look at Goku, trembling with emotion. He looks back at
Hakkai, and nods his head.

Intently, Hakkai observes this strange interplay, hiding his concern behind a
friendly smile. He hasn't missed the fact that Sanzo's chakra has returned, and
that Goku had called Sanzo Konzen, the same name that Homura had always
used to address him. What's more, Goku's words to Sanzo sound completely
bizarre, and yet the both of them seem to be taking it very, very seriously.
Also, Sanzo and Goku both appear to be in a state of emotional arousal, as well,
almost as if they have just been through something very significant, or even
traumatic. This isn't looking good, to say the least, especially after what he
and Gojyo had discussed earlier.

XXX

Hakkai and Gojyo had heard a rumour, a piece of information in circulation,
about Sanzo. Apparently, the story of the temple massacre in the previous
town had already filtered this far, during the time in which they had spent
resting in the other town. Genjo Sanzo is being called a madman, a terror to
humans and a friend to demon kind, a bringer of darkness who will summon death
in his wake. These rumours, they know, they will soon outrun, traveling faster
than they can spread. But still, is it wise to allow them to spread,
without doing anything to allay these fears? What can they do, though? Besides,
unfortunately, they are true. Hakkai and Gojyo don't know the details of
everything that happened at the temple, but what they do know does not paint a
very pretty reconstruction of how events may have played out there.

What they know is that for some reason, Goku had not killed Sanzo, and the
two seem to have been traveling together. Goku had obviously been responsible
for most of the deaths at the temple, for the monks were literally torn apart.
But the other bodies, those of the villagers, they were untouched. Sanzo had
said that he had used the scripture in an attack, in which Goku had accidentally
gotten caught. Putting two and two together would seem to indicate that Sanzo
himself had been responsible for killing the villagers. This is a very
disturbing thought.

They still wonder and worry over Sanzo's mental condition. His behaviour now
is different than it was, as he hasn't tried to turn against them or attack
anyone, but yet he definitely isn't himself. Now, they would like to make an
attempt at countering the vile rumours, perhaps dissuade the truth before it
becomes ingrained in the minds of the locals. It would not do to have rumours of
his insanity reach the ears of those behind Gyuumaoh's resurrection. Yes, Yaone
knows, and therefore likely Kougaiji does as well. But perhaps... the power
behind Kougaiji has not been informed of the success of the attempt to
corrupt Sanzo's mind. It would be too much to ask that Kougaiji has not passed
on this information, but Yaone had stated that they were not a party to the
plan, and did not approve of it, so perhaps...

In any case, in order to disprove the rumours, they need Sanzo sane. They
need him to make an appearance that will demonstrate good mental health. Is this
possible? At this point, probably not, and that leaves only one solution, if
rather a reluctant one.

Hakkai must take on the task of impersonating Sanzo.

XXX

Goku quickly leads Konzen through the task of finishing getting dressed and
cleaned up, providing him with a hushed and brief explanation of current
circumstances as they do so. Then, he silently takes Konzen by the hand, leading
him towards the door where Hakkai is patiently waiting. Goku implores the blond
with his eyes to remain quiet. As the two pass by Hakkai, Konzen can't help but
stare at the dark haired man, eyes as wide as saucers, taking in all the
differences between him and the god he once knew as Tenpou.

All through breakfast, Goku and Konzen are dead silent. When Konzen had first
laid eyes on Gojyo, he had reacted in much the same way as when Hakkai had
appeared. Goku had very quickly taken note of this and had actually placed a
hand over Konzen's mouth, while whispering something in his ear. This had calmed
Konzen on the outside, although he is still noticeably shaken.

Now, Konzen can't refrain from staring alternately at all three of his
companions, not eating until prompted by Goku, at which point he will take one
bite, and then resume his staring. Eventually, this routine creeps Gojyo out
enough that he can no longer hold his tongue.

"Hey, Sanzo. What's your problem?"

Gojyo is far from pleased with the answer that he gets.

"You're... you're not dead."

Goku looks up in sharp disapproval, and Gojyo narrows his eyes suspiciously. Gojyo can only assume that Sanzo is referring to the fight that had
ended up separating them, and suddenly he finds his appetite waning.

"No, of course I'm not dead. It's gonna take more than that to kill me off.
Sorry if that disappoints you."

Sensing a tense situation, Hakkai attempts to diffuse it before it gets out
of hand.

"Now, now, Gojyo. Lets just enjoy being alive while we eat breakfast
quietly, shall we?"

The crimson-eyed halfling tears his eyes away from Konzen's wide-eyed
gaze.

"Yeah, whatever. I think I just lost my appetite, anyway."

Goku tugs on Konzen's shirt, whispering a reminder into his ear.

"Hey, Kon... I mean, Sanzo, remember what I said. They won't understand,
so you hafta pretend, okay? Don't worry, I'll help you."

Konzen nods slowly, before his eyes again wander in Hakkai and Gojyo's
direction, and Gojyo rolls his eyes in exasperation.

XXX

After breakfast, Gojyo lights a cigarette, and tosses the lighter to Konzen,
who just barely manages to catch it.

"Go ahead and have a smoke, Sanzo, but you know I still need that back
after."

Konzen stares at him, dumbfounded, his lip curling up in distaste at the idea
of smoking.

Goku frowns a little, considering. Then he reaches into Konzen's pocket for
Sanzo's cigarettes. He takes the lighter from Konzen and lights a stick,
offering it to Konzen.

"Here, you'd better just take it. You probably don't even know it yet, but
you're addicted now, so it'll be easier this way."

"You... you mean... I... he smokes?"

Goku giggles as he watches Konzen cringe in disgust.

"Yeah, I know it's a weird habit, but he's hooked bad, so just do it and get
it over with, kay?"

Konzen shakes his head in adamant refusal, staring at the burning cigarette
as if Goku had just offered him a writhing worm to snack on.

Sighing, Goku shrugs, and then grabs the back of Konzen's head, holding him
in place as he sticks the cigarette in his mouth. Taken by surprise, Konzen
gasps, inadvertently sucking in the smoky air. As he does so, he realizes that
the effect is not entirely unpleasant, and that it seems to ease the craving for
something that had been nagging at him, and was especially triggered as
soon as Gojyo had lit up his foul cigarette.

Reluctantly, Konzen accepts the cigarette, and grumpily, unhappily, finishes
it off. Gojyo watches this whole scene in fascinated disbelief, nearly
forgetting his own cigarette's existence entirely.

XXX

After the cigarette incident, Hakkai takes Konzen and Goku back up to their
room, telling them that he and Gojyo have some minor business to attend to
before they head out. Once in the room, he speaks to Goku.

"Goku, would you come out into the hall with me for a moment? I want to have
a word. Sanzo, we'll only be a moment. Please wait inside."

Hakkai leads Goku down the hall a little ways, and puts his hand on Goku's
shoulder.

"Goku, I wanted to have a word with you about how you're doing. Are you and
Sanzo getting along all right?"

He looks squarely into Goku's eyes, expressing his concern but not allowing
himself to appear at all worried.

"Sure Hakkai. I'm fine, and we're getting along just great."

"I'm glad to hear that, Goku. You know, we haven't discussed this with you,
but Sanzo isn't well, mentally. Something happened in the village with the
fortuneteller. She did something to his mind, and it damaged him."

"So, the fortuneteller... Hakkai, I've been trying and trying to help, but it's
so hard, and nothing works. I don't even care if he's... different...
I just... I just can't stand to see him hurting. Hakkai..."

Goku lowers his head, hurting on Sanzo's behalf, remembering he and Sanzo's
last exchange, just before Konzen had appeared. He also can't help feeling
somewhat guarded around Hakkai, not entirely trusting his friend enough to
disclose all he knows and feels regarding Sanzo, for whom he has become very
defensive, and for whom his loyalties now lie first and foremost. In this
present uncertainty concerning Sanzo, and now Konzen, all he knows is that he is
on Sanzo's side, no matter what. Hakkai, he now knows, and Gojyo, are
potentially a threat to him, if they come to consider Sanzo a threat. He won't
allow anything, or anyone, to threaten his Sanzo. Not even Gojyo
or Hakkai.

"Goku, I'm sorry. I don't know if Sanzo will ever fully recover, but if we
all help him, then maybe he has a chance."

Hakkai's words are like dull, meaningless echoes in Goku's ears, as they
continue to flow sluggishly into his mind.

"Goku, I don't know what happened between you and Sanzo when you were on the
road together. Did Sanzo do anything to frighten you, or hurt you, before you
lost your limiter? If you want to talk about it, I'm always here to listen.
You're not alone, Goku. Goku?"

"I'm fine, Hakkai. We're fine. I took care of Sanzo the best I could, and...
Even now, I know Sanzo is still there, inside."

Goku looks up, meeting Hakkai's eyes.

"Thanks for asking, and if I need to, I'll talk. But I don't. Need to,
that is. I'm good. I can handle this. Sanzo is Sanzo."

He nods his head definitively, forcing a smile to his lips. Hakkai offers one
in return, but doesn't press Goku any further. Hakkai sees him to his room, and
the door clicks shut. To Hakkai, no sound has ever seemed so sad, as the
sound of that door closing. It represents the wall that has grown up to separate
Goku and Sanzo from Gojyo and himself, and perhaps, perhaps it is a wall that
they will never be able to fully dismantle, no matter how hard they try.
- 17
- 18
- 19
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My Sun, My Supernova