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How to Save a Life	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 4511 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: We own nothing. The D. Gray-verse is only our playground, we make no profit from our littlle adventures.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Chapter 18--For the Heart I Once Had

To be your friend was all I
ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed.

---Anonymous

December 24

Lavi loved house-wide heating. It made everything warm and cozy, if a little crisp.
He was currently huddled by a heating vent, letting the scorching blaze of air
play across the surface of his body. He had a blanket curled around him to keep
the warmth in. He'd never had a luxury such as this. It was very nearly like
heaven to him. He thought that in a moment, he'd be seeing the pearly gates in
all their shining glory, such was his bliss.

"I don't know, Daisya; Yuu is always the hardest to buy for. Just look,
it's the day before Christmas, get him some socks or something." Marie and
Daisya walked past his huddled mass in the living room, seeming to be
completely unaware of his presence.

They celebrated Christmas here? Oh, shit. The gears in Lavi's mind went into
overdrive. If they celebrated Christmas, that meant he had exactly one day to
grab up presents for everyone. He didn't have money, either, so he wasn't
entirely sure how to get said presents. And he didn't really care for anyone
except Yuu's, anyway. And maybe Lenalee's, since the Chinese girl had been such
a good friend to him. He would, of course, need to get something for Tiedoll,
too, seeing as the man was kind enough to let the redhead stay in his home.

But really. What was he going to get Yuu? He'd seen the boy go out with the car
a few days prior but hadn't thought anything of it. Was it possible that Yuu
had already purchased something for him? Panicked thoughts wracked his brain,
turning his zen relaxation in front of the heater into something akin to a
frozen nightmare. Abandoning the blanket and the subsequent warmth, heart
beating quickly, Lavi got up and sought Lenalee out. She'd know what to do.

Scrambling up the stairs and through the hallway, he knocked tentatively at the
dark-haired girl's door.

"For the last time, Komui, no, I will not tell you what I got Allen for
Christmas!" Came a rather perturbed shout from the room. A moment later,
Komui stormed out, practically steaming with frustration.

"Uhh, Lenalee?" the redhead began nervously, mainly from knowing he
had less that twelve hours to solve this problem.

The door to the Chinese girl's lair swung open quickly, and he was roughly and
swiftly pulled into her den.

"Sorry about that, Lavi, but you know how Komui is. What can I do for
you?" Lenalee smiled sweetly at him, as if the loud screech a second ago
had not been from her.

If the redhead hadn't been so preoccupied with his current predicament, he
might have commented on the fact that there was something that looked a lot
like an Allen, white hair and all, hiding under the Chinese girl's bed. He looked
rather pathetic, curled up in some kind of blanket with his gray eyes and most
of his face peeking out like a confused, trembling mouse. However, the boy
seemed content to stay in his little hidey-hole while Lavi invaded what had
obviously been some kind of rough-housing session.

"Lenalee, I have a tiny problem." He began, not quite sure how to
explain this lapse in his observational skills.

"Well, tell me and we'll figure something out, won't we?" From the
sound of Lenalee's voice, she didn't think whatever Lavi was freaking out about
was too important. She looked like she just wanted to solve his problem and get
back to business, but such was not the case when Lavi told her what was wrong.

"I--I didn't know you all celebrated Christmas. I've never done it before,
and I don't have anything for anyone."

Lenalee's face fell into a comical depiction of shock, complete with a jaw drop
and bugged-out eyes.

"This is... a travesty."

Lavi knew that look, understood that tone with complete certainty. She'd gone
into girly-mode. He bit back a smile. This was exactly what he'd wanted to
inspire in her. For modesty's sake, he put a hand to the back of his head.
"The only problem is... I don't have any money. What should I do?"

"Oh," Lenalee said, smiling and waving a hand, "don't worry
about that! I'll cover you! I got this. You can pay me back by giving Yuu a big
ol' kiss, 'kay?" The redhead's jaw dropped, and he began to stutter as his
face turned red. He could feel the heat in his cheeks.

"Uh, Lenalee," he began, somewhat timidly, "I don't think
he'd--"

"Oh please," she remarked, waving her hand a second time, "Yuu's
wanted you to do that forever! He thinks you're really, really hot--so go for
it!" She smiled brightly, looking earnest.

Lavi raised his hands defensively and took a breath to reiterate his position,
but then he realized the idea was futile and shut his mouth, stuffing his hands
into his jeans pockets while he did so.

<3

Malls on Christmas Eve were packed, but they stayed open quite late, and
somehow, Lavi managed to grab something for everyone. Most of the gifts were
small, and a lot of them were more practical than whimsical, but he figured
they'd do. Secretly, though, he was panicking. He did not want anyone--and Yuu
especially--to hate what he'd gotten them.

And Yuu's gift wasn't even finished. By his reckoning, he only had a few hours
to perfect what he wanted to make and present it to the boy he liked. He hoped
it would go over well, because honestly, that kiss option was sounding better
and better by the moment. He shook his head. He already had what he wanted to
happen planned. It just wasn't probable that it would. So he begged Lenalee's
help as he toiled into the wee hours of the morning, and when he finally
crawled next to Yuu's sleeping form (the boy awoke briefly and wiggled toward
the wall until they both had room on his tiny,
slightly-wider-than-their-dorm-room's bed), it was with a dim, fragile hope
flickering softly in his heart.

---

December 25

There were times when Yuu really disliked Christmas. They usually came early in
the morning when Daisya jumped on his bed, mounted him like a horse, and stuck
jingly reindeer antler headbands atop his bedhead. They usually came when
Daisya yelled into his ears to annoy him further, or when Daisya dropped
mistletoe on his blearily blinking eyes--new to the world after a full night's
rest, which was a phenomenon that was becoming rather common lately--and
swooped down as if to kiss him.

As with every other year, Yuu pushed his adoptive brother away, smacking him
quite satisfyingly across the face along the way. He smirked dangerously.
"Off. Now."

Daisya scuttled from the room.

Now that Yuu thought of it, Daisya was kind of crab-like like that. He shook
his head. No, the cobwebs of dreams had yet to lift entirely. Next to him, Lavi
groaned, having slept through and completely missed the Christmas Morning
Ritual, and tossed the blankets from over his head to the end of the bed. It
was a definite feat of strength that only the redhead could properly indulge
in. He looked positively heroic. Yuu smirked. Ah, sarcasm. A good way to heal
the morning from Daisya pollution.

With a final heavy blink, the dark-haired boy threw back his own covers and
emerged from the warmth of the little nest of sleepy comfort he'd made with
Lavi. He twitched a little at his slightly delirious description. It sounded
like they'd done something... grotesque.

Yuu didn't really have a problem with sex, per se. He no longer had terrified
flashbacks while watching scenes during movies, although the occasional moan or
groan from the rabbit-like fuckers in the next dorm room over could sometimes
set him off. Regardless, he found himself able to feel comfortable with the
idea, but he wasn't sure anything further for himself could be... achieved. Not
that he wouldn't be able to perform properly--he just didn't think he could
ever muster enough trust to lay naked in front of another again, to let himself
fall into the bedsheets and let another touch him, feel him. He didn't think
such an act could ever be possible for him, simply because he couldn't fathom a
time when he would allow someone to be that close with him.

Yes, he liked Lavi. So much it hurt sometimes. But he could not imagine ever
letting him that close. It didn't seem possible from where he stood at that
moment, and sometimes that thought alone hurt the most. It seemed like such a
contradiction, to like someone so much and yet at the same time be afraid to
let them too close. His entire life was a contradiction, though. It was a
mixture of hate and love, resentment and care. He hated and loved those close
to him, resented and cared for them simultaneously. He hated that they cared,
and cared that they cared. To put it simply, he was an idiot.

He liked Lavi, but there was no way his feelings were returned in that
particular manner. Maybe. There were always those strange looks he shot the
dark-haired boy, but those could mean a plethora of different things. Physical
attraction, lust, friendship, trust, any number of varying emotions that Lavi
was still discovering for himself.

And that was another problem. Lavi couldn't truly understand everything he was
feeling yet. He'd only had a few months to gain the emotional maturity that
every other non-Bookman learned over a lifetime. The redhead was expected to
understand strange nuances in the feelings of others, but his lack of feeling
them for himself could very well leave him unable to truly become as human as
everyone else.

A heavy stomping emerged from the quiet distance. Sighing, Yuu steeled himself
against the inevitable intrusion. Sure enough, the door flew open, snapping
against the stop that Yuu had insisted be installed in his room after his first
few weeks in this house. He'd gone, shaking, to Lenalee's room on an ironically
bright and cheery Saturday. Hardening his will against the supreme invasion of
another's presence, he had knocked quietly on her door. He still hadn't known
English very well at that time, so his explanation had been halting and confusing,
but the Chinese girl had listened smilingly to his query until she understood.
She'd then gone directly to her brother, dragging Yuu by the hand (not his
choice) to the basement, where the enigmatic Komui resided. Minutes later, the
man emerged with a hammer, a few nails, and a doorstop procured from one of the
bathrooms. It was gold with white accents, and it still looked horribly out of
place in Yuu's spartan, colorless room.

The doorstop once again withheld the true destruction that would have been inflicted
on the wall had it still been in the bathroom. Tiedoll, not surprisingly, was
in the doorway.

"Yuu-kun! It's eight thirty! Where the hell is breakfast!?" The
Frenchman exclaimed, beaming, causing the redhead to stir. It wasn't surprising
that Tiedoll was so flustered. Never before had the Japanese youth had the urge
to sleep in, so every Christmas before this one, he had been up before everyone
else (Daisya exempted) and making breakfast. It had become kind of a tradition,
Yuu supposed. Not one that he particularly cared for, but one nonetheless.

Grumbling a little bit (he really didn't want to get out of bed), he pulled
himself from the mattressy recesses. Not bothering to get dressed for the day,
he made his way downstairs in his pajamas.

Naturally, no one but Tiedoll and Daisya was awake. Nor, it seemed, was anyone
else planning to awaken from the deathsleep the household seemed to suffer for
another several hours. By the time Lenalee and Allen emerged (yawning, rumpled,
and holding hands--the dark-haired boy sometimes wondered how Komui could still
be so blindingly oblivious to the horrendously obvious), the pancakes were
stone cold. And had been for several hours. Lavi came down just a few minutes
after the love-twats, followed by a very hungover Cross, his femme du jour,
and a caffeine-hungering Komui.

The late beginning to the day meant that stockings were avoided in order to
ready the house for company. Yuu always dreaded this part, seeing as he hated
Tiedoll's family. Cross usually had a hooker or two over, but they often kept
to the slut-den (Cross's room). Tiedoll's family, however, was always a scene.
Yuu still remembered his first Christmas here. It hadn't been pleasant.

As usual, he hid in his closet. It was the only safe place to be. Lenalee
had said that Christmas was happy, but all Yuu could think of it was that it
was loud and obnoxious and horribly unsafe. There were so many people in the
house, all screaming and yelling and "having a good time," and it
scared him. They all looked like they could turn on him and snap him apart,
limb by limb. Or maybe just pop his head off. He was sure that the people
downstairs were capable of it. Lenalee had explained that they were
"hicks," whatever that meant.

He still couldn't really understand English, and they spoke so strangely. He
had tried going downstairs (Tiedoll had insisted), but within an hour, he had
had to retreat. Snuggling down into his safety net of pillows and blankets, Yuu
tried not to think about it. The darkness was good, and even though there were
people downstairs, they weren't the faces. And the faces couldn't hurt him in
the dark anyway. Safe. He was safe.

Hunger eventually gnawed at his stomach, and the dark-haired boy remembered
that he hadn't eaten in maybe three days now. If he kept throwing his food
away, people would get suspicious. And Tiedoll had said he was supposed to eat,
even if he didn't feel like it. And Lenalee gave him that look if he
didn't clean his plate.

And besides, hunger was finally starting to come back. He hadn't truly felt it
in a very, very long time (since the darkness started, he thought), but it had
begun seeping back into his soul, and now he was having trouble going without
food and water and even physical comfort (but only from Lenalee) for prolonged
periods of time. This was very dangerous. If he started to crave these things
again, the faces would just take the good things away once more. And he
couldn't have that. But still, hunger was hunger, and he really needed a meal.
Especially one that Tiedoll hadn't made. Marie and his girlfriend (a scary girl
with lots of hair who looked a little bit like a pug) had toiled away
throughout the day, inspiring many cries of words that Tiedoll said he wasn't
allowed to say but which he found interesting and noteworthy.

Abandoning his bastion of hope, he flew, shadow-like, down the stairs and into
the kitchen. His small hand was just curling around the refrigerator's handle
when the intruders entered the kitchen. He dove for the kitchen table, and he
made it underneath with little time to spare. The voices of the intruders were
entering the room. Once again, he was thankful for the festive tablecloth that
Tiedoll had placed on the table. It hung to the floor, and though it was lacy
and horrific-looking, it served the very noble purpose of hiding. With very
little noise, he crawled over to the very corner at the opposite end of the
table and waited.

"Froi, I understand where you're coming from, but just... why? He's
obviously disturbed--"

"Yes, exactly, and that's why he needs--" Tiedoll sounded a little
bit flustered.

"--Needs what? A guardian? He could get that in a foster home!"

"He is in a foster home! I'm still working on the adoption
procedures. They should go through by the end of the month." That was
news. Of course, Yuu didn't know how these things were actually supposed to
work, and it was irrelevant to his immediate survival, so it didn't matter.
Such information could be discarded. All that mattered was that the faces
didn't return. He was sure they would, despite being an ocean away. Things
never happened the right way with him. His parents hadn't exactly been nice,
and then he'd lost his onee-san, and then there had been the faces. So
he was sure they'd return, just to haunt him further. He didn't trust them to
go away. Not ever.

"Yes, I know. You've been wiping the fact in our faces for the past few
weeks."

"Mother, I haven't wiped--"

"You have. And besides, don't you have enough freeloaders in this
house?"

"Maman, they aren't freeloaders! They're my children!"
Tiedoll sounded furious. Yuu didn't like when the Frenchman was furious. It
made him curl up and want to go sit in the dark. It was very difficult to keep
the faces away when the white-hot anger of Tiedoll's ire came.

"Why don't you get yourself a wife, then, and have proper children?"

"And we're back to this again? I've told you that I don't want a woman in
this house. You know this--you were the one who set me up with that
disaster with a rack."

"She was good for you, dear."

"She threw away my paint. That paint cost nearly fifty bucks for a small
tube! Then she got drunk and vomited on my concept art for Marie's birthday
present and chopped one of Lenalee's pigtails off!"

"Why do you even bother with them?" The woman seemed to be referring
to the Chinese girl and her terrifying brother.

"Komui and Lenalee needed a place to stay, and it's not like I don't have
the money for it. Maman, I'm the reason you're living in the house you
are."

"Yes, but you will get murdered if you keep the boy. He's dangerous,
Froi!" The woman exclaimed.

"That is ridiculous, Yuu couldn't hurt a fly!"

Yuu had killed many flies. Stupid Frenchman.

"He's unstable. You don't know when he may snap and hurt you or one of
your 'children.'"

"Yuu is just a child; he deserves the chance I can give him. As long as
I am alive, I will give him a place where he can feel safe. Even if he never
trusts me completely, it is my duty to give him a place where, even if he never
believes it, he will never be harmed. He is my son, adopted or not, and it will
always be that way." Tiedoll's voice was stern, forceful.

There was a series of exasperated sounds and then the clomping of heavy
footsteps leading away from his hiding place. Someone still stood in the
kitchen, though, and Yuu focused on them. He recognized Tiedoll's boots and
their familiar squeak as they moved across the floor to the refrigerator. The
Frenchman rummaged around for a few minutes, and the sound of utensils scraping
on a plate resonated through the room. The familiar buzz of a microwave was
next. After a minute or two, the same footsteps made their way back to his
hiding place.

"Try to eat all the vegetables, please," Tiedoll asked as he set the
plate of food on the floor. The frizzy-haired man left the room. Yuu merely
scoffed and ate the food provided, hiding there until the house became quieter
and Lenalee came looking for him.

That had also been the year when his "aunt's" dog had been
tragically traumatized because it had decided to bite him. It hadn't let go and
Lenalee had had to hit it over the head with one of Tiedoll's paintings. It had
been a scandal that still set Tiedoll's family on edge.

Yuu smirked at that. Aunt Leslie always gave him a particularly dark scowl each
time she set "Muffy-kins" on the ground in the same room as her most
hated nephew. He almost hoped that she would bring that damned chihuahua with
her today, just so that he could set Lavi on it.

As the dark-haired boy set to work preparing the feast that would hopefully keep
the large ravenous mob fed for the next week, Lavi had finally woken up enough
to decide that he wanted to "help." Sighing, Yuu handed his roommate
a knife and told him to chop vegetables while he began preparations on the
turkey. When he looked around after removing the turkey's plastic bag of
internal organs, though, he realized his mistake.

"No, Lavi, you idiot!" He hissed, not bothering to wash his hands as
he hurled himself to the other side of the island. Without thinking, he flung
the knife from Lavi's hand. It clattered to the floor and was immediately
forgotten. "You don't hold a knife like that! Living on your own
with only Bookman, I figured you'd at least be able to cook a little!" He
didn't understand why he was so enraged, so relieved that the knife was not
about to fall down on Lavi's fingers.

To his surprise, the other boy lowered his head, drooping like a wilting
flower.

"Bookman cooked sometimes." Lavi's voice was muted in disappointment.
"But usually, we ate fast food or boxed meals."

Yuu scowled for half a moment, but then he realized that he was just making it
worse. And it was Christmas, so as much as he might want to flay the idiot
before him, he couldn't justify doing so. Sighing again, he walked back to the
sink and washed his hands. "You should too," he said to Lavi as an
afterthought, beckoning with his head to the running water. The redhead got the
message and came over. Fetching a new knife from the drawer, Yuu abandoned the
turkey and returned to the vegetables with his roommate.

Quickly, he demonstrated the proper way to hold a knife. He then cut a few
slices of the onion so that the other boy could see. Then, though Lavi was
taller, Yuu moved behind him and guided his hands as he cut. With the onion
soon demolished and properly diced, Yuu decided it was time to move back to the
turkey. But his hands were on Lavi's. He'd never really noticed before, but the
boy's hands were dry and rough. Dry from the bitter wind and rough from the
heavy calluses that blotted Lavi's hand like the ink stains he oftentimes bore.
Still, they were big in comparison to his own, and warm, despite the chill that
winter drilled into everyone's bones. Yuu liked the feel of them, imperfect as
they were (his own were well moisturized, a fact for which he had Lenalee to
thank). He didn't want to let go.

Lavi hadn't moved in a while, not since the onion had been finished off, and
Yuu was getting a bit antsy. Surely staying in this position wasn't exactly
conducive to a proper we're-just-buddies relationship. Which was what they
were, no matter what Yuu secretly wanted. But he could not make himself let go.
In fact, he felt himself shift just a little closer--a shuffle of a foot and
the rustling of hair as he leaned farther in to Lavi's back. He felt so at home,
so comfortable and safe, just like he had in the dark confines of his closet.

Lavi was his closet, he realized, his dark, safe haven from the horrors of the
outside world. All he needed was to be near the redhead, and the faces
diminished. When they slept in the same bed, his nightmares melted away into
nothing. When people were being irritating (even the redhead himself), all he
had to do was see the boy smile, and his anger simply fell away. Being around
the boy was cleansing, like a first sip of tea.

He didn't want to let go, never wanted to let go.

The redhead shifted, and Yuu made to back away, but Lavi's big hands were
abruptly on his forearms, anchoring him in place as the other boy turned
around. He still didn't want to move. The linoleum of the kitchen floor became
wet cement that engulfed his feet and trapped them in place.

He wasn't going anywhere.

Looking up, he nearly did a double take. Lavi looked down at him with a
strange, unidentifiable expression in his eyes. It was soft but also hard,
sweet and yet resolute. The dark-haired boy couldn't determine what it meant.
It probably meant he should get the hell out of there.

In a heartbeat, they were closer. Yuu didn't know who had moved, but it must
have been Lavi, as his feet were still stuck in the linoleum. Stuck like
fondant to a cake.

He realized he was staring at Lavi's lips and had been for quite some
time--ever since he'd dropped his gaze from the boy's eyes. They were red. Of
course they're red, you idiot, now grow some brain cells! He scolded
himself. The thought faded as quickly as did the space between them.

"Them" being their lips, both pairs of which were red.

Not that it mattered.

Lavi's breath hit his face just as the doorbell rang. Tiedoll's relatives
didn't even bother to wait any longer than the first chiming tone, they simply
barged in, making noise and obscene language as they went.

Blushing heavily, Yuu returned to the turkey.

---

Dinner, quite frankly, could have been better. For starters, the turkey had
turned out just a little too dry. Thankfully, the gravy had turned out
wonderfully, and it helped mask the very evident need for water. But it wasn't
his culinary failures that bothered Yuu half as much as did the company.

The Tiedolls were a raucous bunch. A good portion of the Frenchman's family
hailed from Florida via Kentucky or Ohio (they were never really specific on
the details). Yuu's guardian had five bothers and two sisters, all of whom were
married and had, at the minimum, two children. The oldest nephew was a college
drop-out who had joined the army and had come back a bitter, racist pothead who
hated everything and everyone who had anything bad to say against his choice of
livelihood or girlfriend. He'd had three in the last year and had fathered a child
with the first. Tiedoll's youngest sister was in from Tallahassee, and it
seemed that even hundreds of miles away, the snide remarks and bad perfume just
could not be left behind.

Now, it had never been stated, but it was plainly obvious that each sibling
hated every other one in their own way. For many different reasons, those
hatreds were born into the offspring of said siblings. So, as Yuu had
remembered earlier, because of Aunt Leslie and her "puppy-wuppy,"
Tiedoll--and because he was considered a part of the Froi Tiedoll household,
Yuu--and the entire table seemed to be radiating a distinctly sinister aura
during the supposedly Hallmark moment of Christmas dinner.

"How is the art, Froi?" Aunt H�l�ne--the
youngest sister--asked. It was obvious that she was still bitter about
his success in the field. Once upon a time, she had been an artist too, but
she'd given it up long ago (as she often rambled on about) for a position as a
secretary in a law firm.

"It's going well," Tiedoll replied genially, smiling at his sister as
if oblivious to her negativity. "I actually just sold a large piece that I
finished a year ago. I believe I was talking about it last Christmas--the one
with the storm hitting Boston Harbor?"

"Is that so?" Aunt H�l�ne
said, stabbing her large slice of turkey breast with an ample amount of
animosity. She looked like she was taking great pleasure in sawing off her next
bite-sized piece.

"Yes, it went for quite a price."

"And how about that son of yours, Froi?" Uncle Serge chipped in. He
was now joining Aunt H�l�ne
in their favorite game--Froi-baiting.

"Which one?" Tiedoll asked. "You may not have noticed, but I
have three." There was just a bit of an edge to his voice, and Yuu knew
why. The inevitable why-did-you-adopt-that-shit-for-brains-Jap conversation.
Lavi's hand had found his under the table sometime between the mashed potatoes
and the stuffing, and it tightened around his. Even the redhead could read the
tension in the air. That was what he had been trained to do, after all.

"You know which one we're--"

"I'm getting married," Marie interrupted. As always, Yuu felt an
affinity toward his adoptive brother. The man knew how to distract the Tiedolls
away from him. He was never successful for long, but usually he provided enough
time for the dark-haired boy to make his escape.

The conversation turned away from Yuu for the moment as the family started in
on criticizing Miranda, who, of course, apologized profusely for every comment
they made about her, good or bad.

"You alright?" Lavi asked quietly, obviously trying to keep the rest
of the family from hearing. Yuu shook his head, not sure if he was indicating
that he wasn't okay or that he didn't want to talk. Maybe it was a bit of both.

"Nice rack--always a good attribute in a woman!" Boomed Uncle Serge.
Yuu caught Lavi rolling his eyes. He smirked in return.

"I'm sorry!" Miranda squeaked, as if having a nice set was an
injustice against humanity.

The family set in on Daisya next, transitioning almost flawlessly from Miranda
and Marie's faults to his own. As usual, they had little to say, as even Daisya
knew better than to behave wildly around mixed company. And he went to Yale. He
could do no wrong in the Tiedolls' eyes.

Inevitably, the conversation turned back to Yuu.

"And your youngest son?" Prompted Aunt Leslie, glaring hatefully at
the dark-haired boy. He glared back with the same intensity. His loathing for
the woman knew no bounds. Inside her handbag, Muffy-kins yipped.

"Ah, Yuu's been doing very well lately--you know he's now at
Harvard?" The old man was boasting.

Disbelief struck the family's faces. No one believed it, that was obvious.

"Really?" Asked Tiedoll's mother, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. He even brought a friend home with him for break. Lavi's having a
few... euh... familial issues." **

"Family issues?"

Tiedoll had inadvertently stoked the flames of his family's judgmental ire. Yuu
smelled smoke. His danger sense was tingling--or maybe it was just Lavi
constricting the flow of blood from his hand.

"Euh, yeah. His family... is having a few differences in regards
to... education," Yuu's guardian said, looking away in a manner that
indicated his complete and utter desire to escape this conversation.

"Really?"

Yuu knew Aunt Leslie, and once she raised her eyebrow so high that it got lost
in her thinning, graying bangs, there was no escape from the third degree. A
minuscule droplet of sweat fell from Tiedoll's temple.

"So, Lavi, was it?" Aunt Leslie's attention had abruptly switched
topics. The poor redhead nodded his head. "What exactly does this
difference involve?"

Lavi spluttered, and some cranberry juice (like Yuu, he had refused to be
inebriated around the imbeciles) dribbled down his chin.

"His life story isn't your concern," Yuu said coldly, standing up in
the attempt to distract attention. He'd ignited the spark, fanned the flames,
and suddenly a forest fire began to rage.

"And what of yours? It's not like we didn't watch the news." Yuu
froze. This was not something that needed to be discussed.

"Well, if you know so much about him, then you should know to stay the
fuck out of it," Lavi said bravely, standing up next to him. Aunt Leslie's
face drooped a little. Her eyebrow fell to a normal altitude.

"Don't you talk to my wife like that, you homeless prick!" Uncle
Ulysses, a scrawny, pale slip of a man, roared, standing up in his apparent
fury. Why Aunt Leslie had married him was still a mystery to Yuu, but then,
idiots attracted.

"Don't call Lavi that, you coke-dealing pedophile!" Now Lenalee was
standing, and Yuu blinked at the sudden movement. A solitary tear fell down the
Chinese girl's face, but whether it was anger or another, more sinister
emotion, Yuu couldn't tell.

Uncle Ulysses spluttered, his beady eyes slitting in disgust. His stormy salt-and-pepper
monobrow obscured his lids until only the angry shine of his pupils was
visible. Unable to stand the inevitable explosion (Uncle Ulysses was like a
stratovolcano--once he built up enough pressure, he blew), Yuu quietly stood up
and walked mechanically to the living room. He tried to block out the plainly
audible argument from the other room, but it was impossible. He heard Uncle
Ulysses finally come up with a retort that somehow managed to discredit
Lenalee, insult Lavi, and trash-talk Yuu himself.

Lavi's response, if possible, was louder.

"What the hell do you mean, street-begging whore!? Do you even know
about his past!? Do you even know that he spent most of his nights in a
cold basement, naked, being forced to give up his body to anyone who could
pay!!? No? He hasn't told you that? Well, maybe it explains a few things to
you! You don't have the right to slander his name, because all he's
tried to do since he escaped that place is heal, but it's a little hard
with people JUMPING DOWN YOUR THROAT at the mere thought of perhaps NEEDING A
FAMILY to help him get through it all! Have you seen him cry--I mean really cry--because
he's so upset about what happened to him? Have you seen him cut? And don't you
dare interrupt me about that! You know why he cuts? Because pain makes it go
away! He sees the faces of the people who did this to him every day and
night, and the only time he's able to escape it is when his mind is
distracted enough by pain! So don't you ever say another bad thing about
him, because he's been through more shit than you could ever survive, and he lived,
and he's still doing his best to live beyond it!"

,

Yuu's ears rang in the silence that followed.

The quiet continued for a few more moments until someone cleared their throat
awkwardly. The dark-haired boy focused on that strange and familiar spot on the
wall, next to the tv and across from the vase, hoping that any following
explosions would be dulled by the intense fascination his brain held for that
tiny, irregularly-shaped section of wall that had once been coated with paint
but was now peeled away to reveal the previous shade of puce.

Soft, almost tentative footsteps made Yuu look up, more because he did not want
to be attacked by a lurking Daisya than because he wanted to know who was
there. He was glad that all he saw was a rabid shock of red hair. Lavi was safe
to be around. Always. He let his gaze hold, just like he had with the wall,
only this time, there was more emotion and less
please-let-this-situation-go-away in his eyes.

The redhead situated himself next to Yuu on the couch, just far enough away to
indicate he, too, felt how uncomfortable and awkward the outbursts in the
kitchen had seemed to make the atmosphere. It wasn't at all how Christmas was
supposed to feel. Hell, Yuu couldn't even remember what a happy Christmas was.
His father had always insisted that Christmas take place with everyone gathered
around the tree at the same time. Presents were unwrapped exactly at ten in the
morning, stockings having been done before breakfast. The family would then get
ready for the annual trek across Japan to visit his mother's mother, who passed
away a year before his parents had. They would spend the day there or until one
of his parents left to fix an emergency at work. He'd be left with his obaa-san
until his parents could return. The wizened old lady would sit in front of her
TV the entire time, watching old soap operas in Korean, even though she didn't
understand a word of it. Those years were the best, because when she had
finally finished watching her programs, she'd take him into the kitchen and
would make her special Christmas soba, which they would eat together while they
watched the news. Afterward, she would give him a very generous portion of the
store-bought Christmas cake Yuu's father had brought her.

He didn't want Lavi to remember his first Christmas as one ruined by bad family
relations.

Holding up a finger as a gesture to wait, Yuu walked over to the tree and
hooked an arm around the base, producing an immaculately-wrapped gift.
Returning to Lavi's side, he placed it carefully in the redhead's lap.

"For you," he mumbled, and yeah, he blushed a little. In Japan,
giving someone a gift--especially like the one he'd purchased for Lavi--was
considered romantic. Though his father had not really subscribed to that rule,
having grown up out of the country, his mother had.

"Oh!" Lavi's eyes went wide, and a moment later, he was dashing off
to the kitchen. He returned moments later with two festively wrapped boxes--one
about the size and proportions of a book and the other a long, skinny affair
with a lot of ribbon and not a lot of mass. "You first! I spent all night
making it perfect!"

His enthusiasm was starting to rub off, Yuu realized as he carefully slid a
finger under the tape. Already he felt lighter, happier. It probably had a
little bit to do with the redhead sticking up for him in front of Tiedoll's
family (despite the fact that everyone now knew, generally, what had happened
to him). But it also had to do with the look of unadulterated excitement
lightening Lavi's features. And maybe the new jeans Lenalee had given his
roommate as a Christmas present. They were tight and made his ass look good.
Not that he was looking.

Yuu blushed.

"Unwrap it faster!" Lavi urged. Rolling his eyes, Yuu deliberately
slowed his pace, just to bother the ex-Bookman apprentice just a little bit
more. He was smiling slightly, though, which ruined the effect.

Inside the paper was a brand-new bento box, and at Lavi's insistence, he opened
that, too. His stomach rumbled as the scent of cold soba reached his nose. He
hadn't taken much dinner, so he was starving, and it looked so appetizing.

"Well, don't just sit there--unwrap your other gift so you can eat
it!" Lavi said, smiling and gesturing to the long, thin gift at Yuu's
side. The dark-haired boy smiled fully as the wrapping paper ripped away to
reveal a handsome new pair of chopsticks. Yuu's family's kanji was engraved on
one side of each chopstick, along with a leafy pattern that culminated in a
lotus at the top. A lotus-patterned hashioki came with the set.

"Wow, Lavi," Yuu said, for once lost for words. The redhead responded
by ripping the chopsticks from his hands and stuffing a bite of the soba into
the Japanese boy's mouth. The taste made him drool. Obviously, Lenalee had
helped Lavi cook, as Yuu knew from that afternoon that his roommate inherently
failed at anything to do with the culinary arts. The chopsticks somehow ended
up in his hand again, and before he knew it, the bento was gone. Yuu hadn't
realized he was that ravenous.

"Hungry there?" Lavi asked, laughing nervously.

"Shut it. And open yours."

"That's for me?" Lavi looked honestly shocked. Yuu rolled his eyes
again.

"You're dense, baka. Just open the damned present." He was
blushing. Still. He hated it.

His heart was pounding, too.

The dark-haired boy didn't look as his roommate opened the gift, but the
unmistakable gasp of wonder made him glance over for a split-second. Lavi's
face looked astonished and pleased, and Yuu wondered if the other boy felt that
this was his first true Christmas present. Despite the jeans from Lenalee and
the boxer briefs from Tiedoll. Both of which had been unwrapped before Yuu had
started dinner.

Lavi opened the gift slowly, with reverence. His eyes went wide when he saw the
lurid orange scarf inside the box. Immediately, the boy wrapped it around his
neck, looking satisfied.

"Ne, Yuu, now my neck won't be cold!" He exclaimed, grinning
widely. His expression fell briefly.

"What?" The dark-haired boy asked.

"Uh, I guess I wanted to say that uh... oh, never mind." He looked
away. With gentle fingers, Yuu pulled Lavi's face back so that they locked
gazes.

"What is it?" Concern layered his voice. He hadn't meant for it to. Oh
well, he thought.

Lavi took a deep breath, as if he was steeling himself for something big. He
was silent for nearly a minute, but just when Yuu was about to hit him and make
him spit it out, Lavi began to speak, slowly and quietly.

"I'm really sorry, Yuu, and I know you're not really that interested in me
and stuff, but, well, I guess I kinda-sorta really li--like you." He
pulled against the Japanese boy's fingers so that he was looking away again.
Apparently, the corner of the living room was just as interesting to him as it
had been to Yuu just a few minutes previously.

He looked so nervous, so vulnerable, sitting there on the couch with the long
scarf clashing with his hair. Yuu couldn't help it--his body moved on its own.
Grabbing the ends of the scarves, he pulled the other boy close to him.

Their faces were close to each other, but there was a pause in the forward
motion, a hesitation as Yuu worked up the nerve. Oh, fuck it all, he
thought. He forgot reality for a moment and let their lips connect, soft and
sweet.

Annoyingly cliche as the phrase was, time stood still, just for a moment. Never
before had Yuu put his feelings into physical form like this, and never before
had he really wanted a kiss like this one. It was the closeness that had always
disturbed him, repulsed him, but now he found himself mostly okay with it. Just
him and Lavi and a Christmas scarf. This moment was theirs.

They broke the kiss as if by mutual agreement, both leaning back
simultaneously. Yuu saw the awkward smile on Lavi's face and knew it was
reflected on his own. Something not quite tangible passed between them, most
likely through the eyes, though Yuu wasn't really picky as to where it went,
just as long as he could smile more strongly and lean in once more.

They kissed again.

And fuck all the voyeurs talking and scoffing in the background. They didn't
matter.

---

A/N: Yay! And it only took 18 chapters! ^_~ Hopefully, we'll be able to write
more soon. It depends on whether Em2 finds a place she can hole up and use the
internet.

Femme du jour means woman of the day in French.

Please note that the girlfriend in Yuu's memory is not Miranda, but some
random chick he was with in high school or college.

**Euh is not a typo. It's the French "uh".

Also, the reason for such an American idea of Christmas in Yuu's childhood
household is because his father was in the 1% of Japanese who are Christian and
also because he was Americanized. Or rather, Canadianized. Yuu's father was
Canadian, though all his grandparents were native Japanese. Yuu's parents were
both lawyers.

--Hashioki=those rectangular chopstick holder things.

Also, guys, really sorry for yet another late chapter! Basically,
there was the internet loss, then Em2's HD got overheated and died, then there
was a party, and then there was drama between Em2 and her housemates (one of
whom STILL won't do the dishes, and she hasn't cleaned out the George Foreman
leak tray for at least three weeks, and it's so disgusting that Em2 doesn't
even want to be in her own kitchen... sorry for the impromptu rant). Anyway,
chapter now, hopefully another one soon. We know generally where this fic is
going. Hopefully you'll have another one for LK Fest, ne? :)
- 17
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