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Hakkai's Secret	By : TsuzukiM Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 3026 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki, know the author, or make and money off this story. I do not own any of the characters except the ones I create.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Chapter 18

Kanan, are you really here?

It wasn’t long before Hakkai realized he didn’t know where he was going. Word had not spread of what had happened but Hakkai kept waiting to hear alarm bells and a hunt being called. It never happened. People he knew looked at him queerly as he stormed through the caravan towards his quarters. Shinji saw him pass and dogged his heals.

“What happened? How did it go?”

“Awful,” Hakkai growled and blew past the hanyou. His fingers found Gojyo’s lighter in his pocket and he fingered it absently.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I’m glad,” Shinji said and Hakkai stopped short so suddenly Shinji plowed into him.

“What!?” Hakkai turned a preternaturally bright glare onto Shinji.

It took a few seconds for Shinji to register how pissed off Hakkai was. Hakkai realized belatedly he had probably been smiling. Gojyo had always told him it was creepy when he smiled while he has totally angry. He wasn’t always aware he was doing it.Then Shinji’s eyes widened as they played over Hakkai’s torn clothing.

“What happened?” Shinji stammered in a totally different tone. He looked terrified. Hakkai forced his emotions into their box. He could feel his face turn to plastic. His did not intend to scare this kid. He needed to get control of his impulses fast or he’d make a worse mess of things.

“What do you mean, “I’m glad?” Hakkai asked the question affably but even Shinji could sense the venom behind it. It confused the hanyou, because for just a few seconds he thought Hakkai was ready to kill him. That first glare he turned to him had felt like a blade of fear in Shinji’s chest. Hakkai was the first demon Shinji had ever met that didn’t scare him. For a split second he saw violence in Hakkai’s features and he remembered that Hakkai was, indeed a demon. Now, despite his torn clothing, he wore a mild smile and it was like he was human again. He was speaking softly, comfortingly. Shinji didn’t know what to do.

“Shinji, it’s okay. I’m not angry with you. Please, tell me what you meant?”

“I, I didn’t mean I wanted something bad to happen!” he was sounding a little hysterical.

Hakkai shushed Shinji and reached out to take his hand. Shinji flinched a little and Hakkai had to wonder at how he had looked to instill such fear in the child. He pulled Shinji along towards the relative safety of their room.

“I know it looks bad, Shinji.”

“I was, --I was just afraid he’d take you away! If you start hanging out with demons, you won’t want me around any more! If you stopped working, I wouldn’t see you again!”

The kid was crying, and Hakkai found his mind turning away from the anger and toward concern for Shinji. He needed to keep a handle on himself or he was likely to hurt those near to him. As it was, he didn’t want people to fear him.

“Shinji? Are you my friend?” Hakkai turned to him and asked him once they were alone. Shinji now only got the impression of sadness from him and it was somehow more soothing.

“Sure, I’m your friend Hakkai-san.”

Hakkai smiled at him, “Then, I’m your friend Shinji and I promise you, I won’t let that happen.”

Shinji brightened, “Really? But what if you make all kinds of demon friends; you won’t want to hang out with us hanyou any more!”

Hakkai shook his head, “No, never. I won’t do that to you. It’s a promise.”

Shinji threw himself into Hakkai then, and Hakkai was nearly knocked backwards. Slowly, he returned the hug. “Nobodies ever promised me anything like that before!” he wept into Hakkai’s torn clothing. When he pulled away, he looked into his serene face and said, “What did he do to you?”

Hakkai stared at Shinji, trying to formulate an answer that wouldn’t upset him more. “Don’t worry about it. He didn’t hurt me. It’s okay.”

Shinji sniffed a few times, wiped his nose on his arm and pulled away from Hakkai. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

Hakkai shook his head slowly. There were things he just wasn’t going to tell anybody, let alone a kid. The speed at which Shinji had attached to Hakkai spun his head. Telling him what Jiki had tried to do would accomplish nothing. As it was, Shinji had to realize he wasn’t going to be on the caravan for long. Hakkai didn’t know how long he planned to remain at the Oasis. He may very well just pass straight through.

“Shinji, you do realize I don’t know how long I’m going to be there for? I’m not going to be around forever.”

Shinji nodded, “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I don’t have many friends.”

“Sure you do! Everybody here cares about you.”

“Yeah, but none of them have ever called me their friend.”

Hakkai realized there were very few children his age working on the giant trucks. Most of the people who did had family that resided either in the city or the Outposts. Hakkai had to remember that Shinji was completely on his own.

Hakkai smiled at him and ruffled his hair, “Okay, that’s fair enough. No matter what, we’re friends.”

Hakkai kept waiting for something to happen. He kept listening for the pounding of angry footsteps to come down the hall. Every sound, every disturbance had him on edge. He just couldn’t believe Jiki would let him off so easily. More than once, he regretted leaving the man alive even though he knew killing him would probably have worsened the situation. The only reason he held back, was for damage control. If he killed Jiki, it would have started something Hakkai was in no wise willing to finish. As it was, Hakkai had come extremely close to killing him anyway.

One of Hakkai’s greatest fears was the release of the atavism inside him. He’d been introduced to the beast when he’d massacred the Hyakugen Maoh. The blood of demons had given that beast a form, and more power. He’d spent his whole new life trying to control the youkai in him. He’d spent it all trying to remain as human as he could. Sanzo had helped so much. But Jiki had hammered in how tenuous Hakkai’s grasp on reality and humanity still was.

The anxiety was killing him. His stomach kept wanting to bunch into knots. He was jumpy.

Hakkai lay in his bunk awake through most of the night. Sleep would not come easy when he believed he might be killed in his slumber. Hakuryuu peeped at him when he moved around too much.

“I don’t mean to keep you awake too, Hakuryuu. Why don’t you go sleep with Shinji?”

The little dragon wouldn’t leave him though.

Sometime in the night, Hakkai did nod off. He held Gojyo’s lighter in his hand. Kanan came to his dreams…

A good swift punch to his bladder had him wide awake scant hours later. It had become something of a ritual, running to the bathroom when the child became active. He did have a tendency to choose strange moments, or disturb Hakkai’s sleep.

As he came back out of the bathroom, grumbling to himself, he had forgotten what was going on and almost walked straight into Jiki. The Captain didn’t look so well. Even hunched he towered over Hakkai. He leaned cross armed against the wall and Hakkai regarded him as he might a spitting cobra. Whatever Hakkai had done to him, and what that was Hakkai wasn’t even so certain of, had taken a toll. The youkai’s hair had become streaked with gray, he looked older, wrinkled, decrepit.

But he was smiling at Hakkai.

“Did you come down here for me?” Hakkai asked. Jiki rarely visited the crew’s quarters and never at night. The only people awake at this ungodly hour were those who manned the skeleton crew that kept the trucks going during the dark hours.

“Of course,” Jiki said amicably.

Hakkai was already summoning his Qi. The energy levels in his body began to rise.

“I can see you gearing up. Relax Hakkai; I’m not here to hurt you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I just had to look at the beauty who bested me so easily. I’ve never underestimated someone so badly before. Now I know you are no common youkai.”

Hakkai relaxed outwardly, but kept up his guard.

“And I know you are below pond scum.”

Jiki snorted, but made no effort to address the insult. “I just came to let you know, I won’t bother you again. When we get to the Oasis, we’re even. However, I would advise you to choose a different transport on the way out. You won’t be welcome on my truck again.”

Hakkai was suspicious. “You came here to tell me that? Why should I believe you?”

Jiki smiled, “I know raw power when I see it, and I heard what you told me, Taijiya. I believe there is nothing I could do to you. I believe you when you say you would kill me if I touch you again. I do not desire to have any more of my men hurt. Still I figure I must warn you.”

He was baiting Hakkai. Although he desperately wanted to avoid the bait, he took it, “Warn me about what?”

Jiki shrugged, “Just that sometimes it’s not always easy to protect the ones you care about.”

“Is that a threat?”

Jiki shook his head. “No, just a fact. I am under orders to protect you.”

That statement confused Hakkai. “Protect me?”

“After our little argument earlier, I reported you to the Oasis. Seems the Lord of Amaterasu is very interested in your little abilities. If it wasn’t for that, I’d leave you in the desert for the obake to eat.”

“Well, if that’s all then, I’m going back to bed.”

Hakkai brushed past Jiki, who made no move to stop him. He could hear Jiki inhale his scent as he passed by and that angered Hakkai more.

There would be no sleep for Hakkai. What the Captain had said to him made little sense. It only served to bring more questions into Hakkai’s already over active mind. The Lord of the Oasis had taken an interest in him? After what had happened he’d expected to be caged at least. It sent every warning flag Hakkai had up. It caused him no small amount of chagrin that Jiki’s words were having their intended effect on him.

The grey light of dawn was filtering into the windows. Hakkai curled up in his bed and watched the never ending blah of the landscape slide by.

Shinji rousted Hakkai from a fitful half sleep for work. It seemed, ironically, nobody was aware of recent events. The caravan was set to arrive in two days. Hakkai figured he could make it much faster with Hakuryuu and the distance would not be so bad. Bandits or no, Hakkai wanted off the transport. He packed his things up and figured on making an escape when the caravan stopped for shift change.

It wasn’t until lunch that he realized Shinji was missing.

Shinji was busy going about his usual morning chores when a demon approached him.

“You Shinji?” he asked.

Shinji nodded, “Yeah, that’s me.”

“We need you for a second. Come with me, I have a job for you. I’ll show you what to do.”

It wasn’t uncommon. The youkai management was always pulling people out of routine chores to help with this that and the next thing. Shinji thought nothing of following the demon to perform some menial task. He wandered behind the demon, and didn’t start wondering what was up until they headed down towards the bowels of the truck.

The lowest levels of the trucks were purely made up of maintenance shafts and storage. The guts and clockwork of the trucks could be accessed from inside. Mostly it was people trained in maintenance and mechanics who worked down this far. Shinji himself rarely had occasion to come down here.

“Where are we going?”

“We need to carry some supplies up from down below. We’re almost there.”

Shinji accepted the explanation readily enough.

The demon unlocked and opened a door and motioned for Shinji to precede him. Shinji shyly slipped past the demon into the dark room beyond. The room was indeed a storage unit. Shelves of maintenance materials and truck parts were stored in even boxes along many layers of shelving. There were a few light bulbs that cast a dim glow about the room.

Three youkai were smoking cigarettes in the room. They were obviously not engaged in any immediate task. When Shinji stepped in they all turned to look at him.

Sirens screamed in Shinji’s mind and he desperately tried to bolt from the room. The demon who had escorted him down here blocked his passage and shoved him back into the room.

“No you don’t!” he barked and sent the kid skittering back inside. Shinji went over backwards and landed hard on his ass. Before he could regain his feet, the youkai slammed the door and Shinji heard the lock turn. He ran to the door, grasped and yanked at the knob, but the large steel door would not move.

Leaning against the door, Shinji stood wide eyed as the other demons approached.

“This the one?”

“Yeah, that’s him. That’s the Taijiya’s pet.”

“He’s cute.”

“Jiki said we’d enjoy this.”

“What are you going to do?” Shinji asked, his voice trembling.

He was grabbed and yanked into the middle of the room. “We are going to do whatever we want.”

“Jiki said to make it look good.”

“Oh, I’ll do a good job all right.”

Shinji couldn’t see the faces of the demons too well in the dim light. As they spoke to each other, his eyes went from one darkened face to the other. He could hear his heart hammering in his chest.

This is not good.

This is really not good.

They surrounded him, and he tried to run between them. He was caught before he could go two steps.

“Whoa, where you think you’re going? There’s nowhere to run down here.”

“I’ll scream,” Shinji whined.

“So? You think anybody is going to hear you down here?” To punctuate his point, the demon let out a howl that chilled Shinji to the bone.

Desperately, Shinji picked a shin and kicked it. The youkai he kicked howled and Shinji broke free of his grip. He ran for the door and tried to turn the knob again. Tears dripped down his face. It wasn’t uncommon for youkai to use hanyou children. He was aware that there were worse things than being sent to the mines. He could have been sent to the brothels, too. Without a parent to guard him, he was lucky he had ended up where he was. However, he was not safe if a youkai took an interest in him. Terrible things tended to happen to hanyou orphans.

Hanyou children with no parents had a tendency to disappear.

One of them hauled him back from the door and slapped him soundly across the face. The youkai grabbed his hair and forced Shinji to look up into his face. He could barely see the man’s birthmark spread across his nose. His face was silhouetted against the bare bulb in the ceiling behind him.

“I told you, half-breed, there’s nowhere for you to run.”

Shinji screamed when they began to tear his clothes off.

Hakkai didn’t want to go without saying goodbye. He had made promises he probably shouldn’t have and he didn’t want Shinji to think Hakkai was abandoning him. He was going to, in a sense. He asked about and nobody seemed to know where he’d gotten to, and some were even angered by his absence.

“God knows where that rug rat ran off too,” the woman who slept in the bunk below Hakkai’s said.

“He’s probably getting into trouble,” someone else said.

“I think I saw him going down to the lower levels, but that was hours ago.”

Hakkai was getting seriously worried when he was approached by a hysterical hanyou woman. She was one of the cooks in the cafeteria. Her red hair was bound under a net in a bun. It seemed in her hysteria some of her hair was straying free and forming a halo through the net. It was a strange effect.

“You Cho Hakkai?” she asked him.

“Hai. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Shinji, we just found him and he’s asking for you!”

Hakkai followed her down into the bowels of the land yacht. She explained as she ran, turning to glance at Hakkai and make sure he was following her.

“We found him in one of the storage closets down in the lower levels. Something terrible happened to him. He won’t let anybody near him!”

Hakkai hadn’t been so worried for someone since Kanan had disappeared. He could feel her presence coalesce in the back of his mind. The dagger in its holster thrummed against his skin.

Why do these things keep happening to people I care about?

It seemed an eternity of winding through maintenance shafts and stairwells before they came to a small crowd in a tight hallway. Hakkai had to keep ducking and dodging objects, light bulbs and pipes protruding from the corridor’s ceiling. He was amazed by the ease the hanyou woman had in weaving around them. More than once, she would duck and Hakkai almost hit his head. He learned quickly to follow her movements.

He could hear weeping long before the crowd of humans and hanyou came into view. It echoed through the bare metal corridors. He had to push through a small crowd. When he poked his face into the doorway, he winced.

Someone had thrown the kid a blanket, and he sat wrapped in it on the floor of the storage unit. People were standing around him, but he wouldn’t let any of them touch him. When his eyes lit upon Hakkai, he bawled.

Slowly, Hakkai knelt beside the child. He shushed at him and slowly reached out to touch him.

“They- they- they…” he stammered.

“It’s okay, don’t talk. Let me take you back upstairs,” Hakkai crooned. The kid was pretty beat up. Even in the dim light, Hakkai could see where his face was bruising up. His lip was cut and there was blood on his face. “Where does it hurt, is anything broken?”

Hakkai gently pulled some of the blanket away to get a look at his body- more blood. It was hard to see how much damage there was under the mess in the dim light.

Shinji shook his head, “n- n-“

“Okay, I’m going to pick you up then, tell me if anything hurts too badly.”

Slowly Hakkai slid his hands around the child. As soon as he lifted him, Shinji screamed. The boy’s head lolled and his eyes defocused. Hakkai was alarmed. He was terrified Shinji was going to die in his arms.

“Don’t move him you ass!” somebody shrieked from behind Hakkai.

“It’s okay,” Hakkai held up his palm towards the crowd, “I’ll take care of him.”

“Okay, little one,” Hakkai whispered into Shinji’s ear. “I’m going to heal you. If I can’t move you, it has to be here. Do me a favor, and be brave for me?”

Shinji snuffed and nodded. Hakkai wasn’t so sure if Shinji truly understood anything any more.

Hakkai sat on the floor and wrapped his arms about Shinji again. He slid him around so that he was cradled between Hakkai’s legs. Concentrating on his Qi, he slid his hands along Shinji’s body, locating the damage.

There was damage everywhere. Hakkai realized his worse suspicions. They hadn’t just beaten him. If Shinji didn’t get attention, he probably would die soon. He was torn up from the inside out. How he had been conscious at all was beyond Hakkai’s understanding.

His energy levels began to rise. Hakkai’s Qi infiltrated Shinji’s. The resistance was freakishly weak.

The audience they had gasped and as a gold and green glow encased the figures huddled on the floor. It created more light than the dull bulbs in the ceiling. Shinji cried out once, as damaged tissue was probed and analyzed.

The pain in Shinji’s body began to infiltrate Hakkai’s. He pushed his own life force into the smaller body in his arms and he found he became conscious of the injuries in Shinji’s body almost as if they were his own. Every ache and pain became Hakkai’s ache and pain.

Something like this always happened when Hakkai healed people. He used the energy and vitality of his own body to heal others. Never had he had such a strong reserve of it as he did now. Never had his sense of the other’s body been so intense. Hakkai had to grit his teeth to keep from crying out along with the child.

Then, Hakkai became injured. An intense pain radiated through his body. Hakkai disturbed raw tissue and when Shinji coughed up blood, so did Hakkai. Green eyes going wide, he stared into Shinji’s eyes- and found them vacant and staring.

“Come back to me little one,” he murmured. His body was synching with the hanyou’s. He could hear Shinji’s heart beating and it was slower and weaker than it should have been. There wasn’t enough blood in his body and he was in shock.

Hakkai went into shock too; he could feel coldness invade his hands and feet first. He could taste the fear and humiliation Shinji radiated in his mouth. His mind started to go numb. Somehow, the boy was grasping at Hakkai’s very mind and was pulling him into this state of shock. Then Kanan was there. He could see her clearly, smiling at him like an angel and she held out her hand.

Let me help you, Gonou.

Shinji’s heart beat was slowing, and it was taking Hakkai’s with it. Everything was pain and the baby in his belly squirmed.

“Kanan,” Hakkai whispered, “I’m not ready to go with you yet.”

Gonou, make his heart speed up, don’t let him take you down!

“How? I can feel myself dieing!”

Will it, Gonou. You can bring us all back.

“My son! I can’t let this hurt him!”

Hakkai drew in all the power he had and raged against the slowing heartbeat. He gathered all the courage he could muster and forced the Qi to flow freely from him to Shinji. It was like bursting a valve and the life force no longer flowed in one direction. Shinji’s Qi intermingled with Hakkai’s. Hakkai poured it into the vessel of the hanyou’s small body and their hearts beating together quickened. Hakkai forced Shinji’s heart to beat more strongly. It was an effort born of will and rage. He would not let this child die.

That’s right, Gonou. Do it! Pull him back!

Like water finding its own level, the torrent of Qi rushing from Hakkai to Shinji leveled off, and then simply circulated evenly through them both. It was like their auras had melted into each other. Hakkai felt every injury in Shinji’s body like they were his own. Then, with the skills he had worked hard to master, he began carefully locating and repairing all the hurts. He’d never healed someone so extensively injured, at least, not completely. In the past, Hakkai would not have been able to fix half the damage.

And then, Shinji was sliding away from him. The child had lost consciousness, but his breathing was strong and regular. Hakkai withdrew his aura, pulled back his energy. The broken body in his arms was whole again. They both would be sore. Hakkai had literally taken Shinji’s injuries into himself, and had repaired them. Shinji’s heartbeat grew faint in his ears and the withdrawal left a cold spot on his heart. The connection receded, the valve closed. Hakkai pulled himself free.

Hakkai realized he had been panting. He became aware of his surroundings again, and looked at the gawking crowd who watched with open mouths.

“I think,” Hakkai panted to them, “I think I saved him.”

Hakkai’s hand went to his belly. It was not as flat as it used to be. The little aura was strong, even if it seemed to be evincing a very displeased emotion. The child had suffered no physical damage but had been obviously uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry, little one. I didn’t know this could happen.”

People approached Hakkai. They helped him up and steadied him on his feet. He felt faint and he wobbled a little with dizziness. It passed quickly and when Hakkai thought he had the strength, he stooped to pick up Shinji.

He hefted the hanyou child in his arms and carried him out of the room. People made a path before Hakkai and followed him through the maze of shafts and up into the living spaces of the truck. Hakkai could hear them murmuring to each other. Nobody had been as surprised as Hakkai at the spectacle he had made.

He laid the kid out in his bunk and leaned against it, still catching his breath.

“This is your fault you know.”

Hakkai looked up to see one of the crew members glaring at him from the doorway.

“My fault?”

“You refused Jiki, You had to anger the Captain and this is what comes of it,” the woman said it with a low growl. She pointed at Hakkai to punctuate her remarks.

“Jiki did this?”

“Who else? I’m sure he had his henchmen do his dirty work. All the same in the end. If you hadn’t upset things- this would never have happened. You might as well have raped him yourself.”

Hakkai remembered what Jiki had said. “It’s not always easy to protect the ones you care about.”

Hakkai had not had the opportunity to analyze the situation. It all came raging in with ultimate clarity. “He had this done, to punish me?”

“Of coarse he did! Everyone could see you two were getting close!” she sneered. “Did you really think Jiki was going to leave you alone?”

“He couldn’t get to me, so he went after a child?” Hate burned through Hakkai’s psyche.

The human woman snorted, “Hanyou children are a dime a dozen. Do you think he cares what happens to this boy? But you do, don’t you? Do me a favor- don’t start caring about me! Fool.”

She turned and disappeared down the hall. Hakkai heard someone say, “Hey, wasn’t that a little harsh?” The people dispersed. They left Hakkai alone.

Hakkai leaned against the bunk and moaned, “I’m so sorry Shinji. I bring misfortune to everybody.” The little dragon nestled up on top of Shinji’s head and kyuu’ed at Hakkai.

Hakkai crawled up into the bunk and lay beside the hanyou. He cradled the boy in the crook of his arm. Shinji’s breath was sweet against his cheek. “I promise, I won’t let this happen to you again.”

Nobody came to bother him that day. Hakkai spent the day sleeping beside the boy, and he dreamed of Kanan. She came to him with the clarity of wakefulness. For the hours he was asleep, it was like he’d been brought back to a time before the most horrible things happened to him. He held her and kissed her and she told him it was all okay. She comforted him in the way only she had ever been able to. He got to make love with the person he had loved most in the world again. If destroying everyone he had now could bring her back he would not have hesitated.

When he did wake up, Shinji was sitting up beside him.
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Hakkai's Secret