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The Time For Change Is Now	By : Reika Category: +. to F > FAKE Views: 3033 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, or any of its characters. I make no profit from this.
Author�s notes:
Hi, all. I�m back. I won�t go into all the reasons I�ve been gone for so long, as they are my own, but I will say that I�m sorry for the long absence. I never meant to let this story sit for so long. I apologize to each and every one of you. Hopefully, all that I�ve been through will show in my work, though, and make up for it, at least a little bit. Thank you so much, for all of you still reading. It means a lot to me.
I�ve re-read this whole story, and will be doing some major rewrites and corrections, but no real changes to the story. There�s a lot of work here, so it�s going to take me a while. I�ve decided to finish it first, though, as I owe it to everyone who�s been so patient with me, waiting for the ending of this story. Thank you again.
I�ve missed these boys, let me tell you. And I�m loving having them in my head again. I hope I can live up to the faith you�ve all had in me previously. I�ll do my best.
Let me say thank you, again, for sticking it out with me. I promised you I wouldn�t abandon a story � and I haven�t. This isn�t the final chapter, for reasons I explain in the notes at the end of the chapter. I know I have no right to ask for anything, but please, please review. I�ve been out of the fanfiction game for so long, and I�m very worried about staying true to this story, and to the quality of all the previous chapters. Getting back into such an involved story after so long is very hard. I�ve given it my honest effort, though, and I hope that soon the story will fit me as well as it did before, or better. Anyways�without further ado�.here is your latest chapter!

Chapter 18�And After All We Have Come Through, I Give You My Only Real Truths

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Sleep was an elusive bitch. But then � the best rewards were always hard-fought, weren�t they? Like Ryo. Like himself. Dee almost laughed aloud at the irony of it all. He�d fought tooth and nail for just the hope of gaining the man�s affection�to no avail. And now, only when he�d given up his chase, did his quarry come to him.
Dee Laytner was many things � hot tempered, volatile, impulsive, rash � and so it perturbed him that he wasn�t at Ryo�s just then, basking in the glow of all that the other man was finally prepared to give him. No, he wasn�t at Ryo�s�and even more surprising�was that he wasn�t sure he wanted to be. Instead he was in JJ�s bed, surrounded by the other man�s scent, his memory. He wasn�t exactly sure why he was there either; he only knew that he didn�t want to go back to his own apartment. Although, perhaps that would�ve been the best, most objective way to sort his head out.
Still, there he was, and it was far too late to go home. Home � if only he knew where that was. He thought back over the letters, both of them. For all their differences, Ryo and JJ seemed to have a lot in common when it came to Dee. Both men professed deep sadness at the prospect of losing him, and yet�both were willing to give him up for his own happiness. And now�well�they were all in quite a mess. He remembered his conversation with Penguin. Regardless of the woman�s seemingly infinite wisdom, he still felt that no matter which one he chose, the other would always be there. The feelings expressed in both letters were mutual, of course; Dee would never trade knowing either man for anything in the world. And yet�the emotional ties to both JJ and Ryo simply could not be severed�and were bound to cause some problems.
He tried to look at it from a logical standpoint. JJ had always known how Dee felt about Ryo, and although the sniper made no effort to mask his contempt for the other man, he dealt with it in a reasonably mature and understanding manner. Ryo, however, well�saying the Asian-American man had a jealous streak was like saying an elephant is �kind of heavy�. Dee doubted Ryo would ever be able to accept that he actually loved the younger, silver-haired man. It was something that he would most likely never be able to speak of in Ryo�s presence. Everything that he and JJ had managed to build would be boiled down to some euphemism like �the J word� � as though JJ were no more than curse word not meant for innocent ears. Ryo had always liked to play innocent. The fact that he�d actually had sex with the now absent JJ only complicated matters immeasurably. Once Ryo knew�and he was going to know�Dee learned a long time ago that skeletons only got heavier and darker the longer they�re kept in the closet�things were bound to get ugly. No, Dee couldn�t keep it from him, and found he didn�t want to. He wasn�t ashamed of the night he spent with JJ, and if he�d had the opportunity to change it, he wouldn�t. However, this fact did not change that Ryo would no doubt be hurt and furious when he found out.
He thought about how to tell the other man, what he would say to soften the blow � both the blow to Ryo�s psyche and (most likely) the blows to Dee�s physical person. Resigned to the thought of not getting any sleep, he pushed himself up in bed and lit a cigarette. Dee supposed JJ wouldn�t love the thought of him smoking in his bed, but then, JJ wasn�t there, was he? Besides, Dee knew that, in reality, JJ probably wouldn�t have minded, had he been asked. If something made Dee happy, and didn�t cause any harm, JJ was content to let things be. He�d never dream of smoking in Ryo�s bed � the man would probably throw him out naked, after breaking all his cigarettes. He found this to be both annoying and endearing�much like his jealousy.
At least he could go back to work; he�d have to find out how Ryo managed that. Dee knew that his actions in the Commissioner�s office might have been over the top�but damn�pinning that self-righteous bastard against the wall felt good. He supposed he�d just go in, do his job, and afterwards he could talk to Ryo. He wasn�t sure what he wanted to say yet, but it felt like he�d been acting on instinct a lot lately, and it seemed as though he actually learned more about himself when he just let it all come out, instead of over-thinking everything.
After more random musings, Dee finally realized that he couldn�t mince words with Ryo. He�d have to just lay it out for him. He had no doubt that Ryo�s initial reaction would be severe, and Dee could allow him that. But ultimately, Ryo could either deal with it, or�he couldn�t. If he could, well�Dee didn�t know what then�but they would work on that. If he couldn�t�then there would be no hope for them. It wasn�t as if he could take it back, even if he�d wanted to. And Dee wasn�t prepared to give up the substantial friendship he�d managed to build with JJ, if nothing else�not for Ryo, not for anyone.
Yes, Dee Laytner was many things � loyal, honest, and uncompromising when it came to the people he loved � he just hoped Ryo could find it in him to respect that.
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The hour was upon him. Dee still wasn�t sure what he was going to say to Ryo, but he knew that whatever it was, he had to say it soon. He�d told Ryo he�d be over around eight, but at six-thirty he stood pacing in front of the other man�s door. He�d already raised his hand to knock three times and hadn�t gone through with it, unsure why he was so uneasy. He found it funny that at one time, not so long ago, he wouldn�t have knocked at all, simply opening the door and letting himself in, maybe kicking off his shoes before just racking out on the couch�things were so different now. Finally, after nearly hesitating yet again, his curled fist made contact with the wood of the door. Dee could hear some pattering around before the heavy footsteps carried their ominous sound toward him. He knew without looking that it was Bikky who greeted him � Ryo was always light on his feet and quiet, even when he ran. It was one of the traits that defined him. Like the old adage �walk softly, and carry a large axe�, Ryo was a hushed man, but a strong one.
For a fleeting second, something like relief shone through Bikky�s tough exterior when the scruffy teen opened the door to find Dee standing on the other side. But as quick as it had come, it was gone again. He stepped back to allow the much-missed older man entrance.
�Ryo�s in the kitchen. You�re early.�
Dee smiled at him, trying to rekindle some of the light-hearted animosity that was their previous dynamic. �Yeah, I know, squirt. Figured I�d come by early and check up on you when you don�t have time to prepare.�
The young man�s reaction struck something of a sad chord in Dee when Bikky just shrugged and ambled back toward his room. �Whatever. Let me know when dinner�s ready.�
Dee nodded and headed for the kitchen. It wasn�t like he could spend the whole night in a separate room from Ryo, in any case � best to get it over with. When he crossed the threshold into the room, Dee found himself awash in nostalgia. Suddenly, he was violently assaulted from all sides � scenes and smells and sweet tastes (as well as bitter ones) seemed to whip him about like a twister, abruptly and without warning. It spit him out just as quickly, hurling him helplessly toward the same man at the eye of his storm, still with his back to Dee, stirring obliviously. For the world and his head to be spinning so very fast, he was moving with such aching slowness that he could almost see the trail of his own hand as it reached forward to tap Ryo on the shoulder. To his surprise, Ryo didn�t jump or seem startled at all. He let out a soft �hmm� and said simply, �you�re early.�
�Yeah.� Was all he could manage, nearly choking on a mouth full of memories.
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Dinner was a quiet affair, which wasn�t something Ryo particularly minded, but there was an uneasiness about the four bodies sitting around his table. He caught himself, more than once, missing the banter that was at one time an inevitable headache whenever Bikky and Dee occupied the same dinner table�or room for that matter. He didn�t know what had been worse, that Dee asked for the salt and Bikky had quietly and politely handed it to him, or that it was done with such indifference that no one seemed to notice the oddity. Even Carol, usually so vibrant and quick to comment, had been doing little more than pushing around her food and speaking when spoken to. Ryo had asked her over to keep Bikky occupied after dinner, since there was no other way to keep him from eavesdropping. Ryo didn�t know exactly what he wanted to say to Dee, but he did know that the thought of Bikky listening in made him uncomfortable.
With the meal finished, Cal dragged a reluctant Bikky to his room, but not before giving Ryo an encouraging smile. The two men grabbed a bottle of merlot, along with two glasses, and stepped out onto the balcony of Ryo�s apartment. The night was cold, but bearable. The chill was a small price to pay for the freedom to breathe the crisp, fresh air. Ryo poured Dee a glass of the rich, red liquid, before pouring himself one and turning away to look out over his little corner of the city. They sat in silence, both men trying to figure out what to say to the other.
�Dinner was okay, I hope?� Ryo finally uttered.
Dee let out a breath he hadn�t known he was holding and moved closer to the other man. �Dinner was excellent, as always�� he hesitated, then ��Look, Ryo, I didn�t come here to have dinner, even though it was great, and you know that.�
Ryo turned slightly, to look Dee in the eyes. �Yes, I do.�
His look shifted away again, out over the city lights, small bursts of all colors, just like the people who lived beneath them. He sighed, and took another sip of wine.
�What did you come here for, then, Dee?�
Silence hung over them a moment, before Dee took a deep breath and let his answer rush out of him with the much needed air. �I read your letter.�
As surprise and indignation blossomed on Ryo�s face, Dee struggled to find the right words to explain how he�d gotten the letter Ryo had thought reduced to ash.
�JJ left it for me. He said he told you he burned it.� At the still angry look in Ryo�s eyes, Dee sighed. �He didn�t mean any harm, Ryo. He just�thought I needed to see it. He said you�d never tell me otherwise�he was probably right.�
Ryo�s voice was terse, and curt. �Well, that�s hardly his call to make, is it?�
Dee shrugged. �He was only doing what he thought was best for me. Not so different from what you did, is it?�
Ryo seemed to have no answer. He visibly calmed a bit, and closed his eyes, before turning to look back out over the city. �So you read it. It was written to you, I suppose.�
Dee nodded. �It was. I�m glad I read it. It�meant a lot to me. I�ve missed you.�
Ryo answered without looking at him. �I�ve�missed you too.�
Dee straightened, sucking his lower lip into his mouth a moment and furrowing his brow, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to. �Was it true?�
�Was what true?�
�The letter, what you said�was it true?�
Ryo wanted to be offended. Of course it was true. He didn�t plan on Dee ever seeing it, and wouldn�t write a page of lies for his own benefit. The question was mildly insulting. He reined it in, though. Dee had been through a lot during the past few days, and it couldn�t be held against him if he was a bit wary of those closest to him. He hesitated, as he so often did when his personal life got sticky, and hated himself for it. He could hear Dee�s doubts creeping back up on him, pushing him further and further away from the other man. He couldn�t stand the feeling, so he closed his eyes and opened his mouth, to let one of his core truths out into the night air.
�Yes. Yes it was�is�.true.� Ryo kept his eyes firmly plastered on the pavement below, gripping the railing and using all his will to try and still the shaking of his hands. �I�I�I love you. I do.�
Dee was taken aback. He hadn�t expected Ryo to be able to say it, though he�d hoped for it for years. However, after a moment, the shock wore off and Dee took a long look at Ryo. The man�s eyes were focused intently on a square-foot block of pavement a few stories down, and his knuckles were white from his grip on the railing, which showed no signs of loosening up any time soon. Dee closed his eyes and sighed.
�You have no idea how long I�ve waited to hear you say that, Ryo. But�can you look me in the eye and do it? Can you keep your eyes wide open, look at my face, tell me that�and mean it�no matter what?�
Ryo didn�t move for a long moment, as though he hadn�t heard Dee at all. After a while, Dee had almost given up and let out what felt like his thousandth sigh of the evening. He was ready to head inside, and back home, when Ryo turned, and looked him dead in the eye.
�I love you, Dee.�
The sheer force of it nearly knocked Dee over. He caught himself on the railing, and closed his eyes tightly. It was as though some force bigger than himself had reached into his chest and pulled out a stone so heavy, he hadn�t known he could live without it � but he could. He was still confused and bewildered, but at that moment, Dee felt he�d finished the race. He had been running and running and running for over 2 years, thinking he could never win, and suddenly, he could breathe again�because he was finished. In the end, it hadn�t mattered who had won, but that the journey had been made, and Dee had stuck it out to completion. He couldn�t help but let out a small laugh, when a noise from Ryo shifted his attention.
�Well�if nothing else, all of this nonsense with JJ brought something good from it. If it weren�t for that nosy little�well�I doubt I ever would have given you that letter.�
Dee was upset by Ryo�s comments about JJ, though he was not surprised. It wasn�t what Ryo said that prompted him to speak up, however, but that Ryo could say such things with no thought that they might bother him. It wasn�t just a jealous attempt to belittle Dee�s relationship with the other sniper; Ryo honestly thought it didn�t matter. Dee could not let this pass.
�It isn�t nonsense.� He said clearly, and to the point.
�What?� Ryo asked, oblivious to what Dee was referring to.
�The time I spend with JJ � it isn�t nonsense.�
Dee could almost see Ryo�s pulse speed up. �It wasn�t�or isn�t? And what do you mean it isn�t nonsense. Of course it is. None of this would have ever happened if we both hadn�t been so stupid and stubborn. JJ is just a side-effect of that.�
Dee shook his head and clenched his fist, trying to keep his anger in check. �I�ll agree that we�re both at fault here; I�ll admit to that. I�ll also give you that I probably wouldn�t have started spending time with JJ if we hadn�t had problems�but that doesn�t mean it doesn�t mean anything. It doesn�t mean I�m not glad for it. I wouldn�t take it back, Ryo.�
Ryo turned away, looking back over the city again, his wine glass dangling over the sidewalk below. All was silent a moment, before he took a deep breath and finally spoke.
�Whatever the reasons�it doesn�t matter now. JJ�s gone, and maybe soon it�ll be like he never happened.�
Dee knew that what Ryo spoke couldn�t be true. Nothing of what had transpired in the previous weeks could ever be forgotten, by any of them. Ryo might want to forget, but that didn�t mean he would be able to�especially once he knew the extent of Dee�s relationship with the now absent JJ. Dee didn�t want to tell him; he didn�t think there was any way possible for Ryo to take it well�but it had to be done. The longer he kept the information from him, the more it would seem like something he was ashamed of, and he refused to let that happen. He�d decided before complying with JJ�s request that it wasn�t something he could ever regret, and he owed more than that to JJ�and to himself. Before he could back out, or think better of it, he opened his mouth, and let the words take a life of their own.
�No, it won�t ever be like that. JJ isn�t some phase I�m going through; he matters to me. I slept with him, Ryo. I mean�I�I slept with him.� Dee couldn�t bring himself to say he�d made love to JJ, as it would serve as another slap to Ryo, he was sure. Nor could he say he�d fucked him, as that wasn�t quite right either. He hoped Ryo picked up on the implication.
He stopped hoping when the silence was broken by the sound of shattering glass.
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TBC

Okay, I know it�s short, but this was just where the chapter needed to end. I know I said there was only one chapter left, but�I lied. I hate when a story has been idle for a long time and then there�s a final chapter just slapped on. It�s so anti-climatic. So, as you can see, there will be at least a couple more. Again, I apologize for the looooong absence, but I told you I would be back�and I am. It�s been a long, hard road�but I�m a better, stronger person for it, and a better, stronger writer, as well. I�m already into the next chapter, so don�t worry about another long break. It�s getting finished this time. It was hard getting back into it, but now that I am, I can�t wait to finish.
You should all know that I�ve known the end to this story since the third or fourth chapter, and that hasn�t changed. The story will end as it was always going to. As for what that ending is�well�you�ll have to read and see. I�ve no doubt lost some readers, which is no one�s fault but my own, but a big, wet, sloppy thank you to all of you still checking for updates. THANK YOU!! kiss kiss kiss.
It means the world to me.
Next chapter up soon, I promise. I�ve missed this so much, and thanks for not giving up on me, or my work. Please read and review.

Love and Kisses,
Reika
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The Time For Change Is Now