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A New World	By : Meirav Category: +S to Z > X/1999 Views: 2658 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Disclaimer: I don�t own X/1999, I didn�t come up
with any of their brilliant characters, they�re the geniuses not me!

The character of Alex,
Jacob, Venus, Charlie, David and Dimitri are all mine. The Noters are half
reality. The rest belong to all the book/movie/TV stuff they came from. If you
can spot where they�re from then good for you!

Warning: some bad language ahead, sorry but
it�s a rather argument-filled chapter

********************************************************************************************

Part 19 �
Recognition of Unrequited Love

After a day or two of riding, Death�s riders
arrived at an island of trees at the midst of a sea of hip-high grass they rode
through lately.

A small forest of tall trees with huge thick
trunks and roots intertwining until one tree seemed to be a part of a group of
three or four other trees.

Little black monkeys swung between the branches,
monkeys that the corner of your eye caught for a second. When you turned your
head to examine them fully they disappeared screeching like the wheels of an
old rusty machine.

These small animals had several sets of
eyes and long curly purple patterns on their long black arms and tails. They
were from no world any of the group�s members came from.

Trying to vent his sorrow and sadness in
a little walk around the forest, Kamui found himself running from tree to tree
trying to spot a monkey completely.

No one watched over him and no one
escorted him to make sure he won�t try to escape. There was no where to go and
Kamui hadn�t had a thought in him to run anywhere in the first place.

If he ran on foot he�d get lost and tired
quickly, if he ran on horseback Alex�s powers would return the living-dead beast
back to the earth and catch him before he gets anywhere helpful.

Kamui didn�t have any true imprisoning on
him, no chains and no bars restricted his movements. Only David, from time to
time, made sure the boy was within eye shot. Besides that he was free, such as
it was.

Funny thing about David, he wasn�t here or
there; He never spoke anything against Alex�s words, not in a language they
could all understand anyway, yet never said anything positive of what was
happening.

Kamui suspected that, like the rest of
the group besides himself and the onmyoujis, this was just an adventure to
refresh his life.

They didn�t speak much, well Kamui didn�t
exit his tent to socialize very often if at all, and when they did speak it was
mostly when David brought him his food.

One evening a loud argument in the european jewish
language started between Alex and David as the two ex-prisoners of the same
camp argued over the preparations of a dish they were cooking.

Kamui heard them shoot their usual
insults at one another in the end and then a long silence. Kamui knew they
didn�t really fight, only argued, and that those insults were only half hearted.
Alex translated them to Kamui once, the boy remembered, Alex called David �oven
boy� and David shot �pervert� back at his fellow.

About half an hour later David stormed
into his tent, handing him a bowl of vegetable soup. He lingered there, waiting
for Kamui to take the first sip while glaring intensely at the boy.

�Are you waiting for something?� Kamui cradled
his bowl protectively, enjoying the scent yet growing more and more nervous at
David�s presence lingering around.

�Taste it� the undertaker commanded.

Kamui took a
sip and sounded a pleased �Mmm�

�Is it good?� David took a step forward,
almost threateningly.

Kamui nodded �It�s very good� he mumbled,
wondering since when did David start caring about such things. Since when did
he care about anything at all when it came to things that weren�t his graveyard?

�Bah! Alex wanted to add coriander
to that! can you imagine?! Oy,
coriander in vegetable soup!!� he mumbled onwards to himself, muttering things
only he could hear by now as he walked out of the tent.

Kamui found it kind of amusing: David
probably had a deep rooted belief in the way his community used to cook back in
his home and Alex was probably just teasing him about it. It was the first time
that Kamui smiled since he was taken, since Fuma�s
song to him.

As usual in these days, his dark mood
returned almost immediately after and the smile was wiped off.

Now Kamui walked amongst the trees,
heading back to the campsite. He stopped when he heard familiar voices at the
rim of the forest.

�Subaru! Come, sit down� it was Alex, Kamui saw him leaning
against a tree lacing his boots back on.

�I better not, I�m kind of sore� Subaru waddled
towards Alex, a wan smile on his pale face. Actually Subaru wasn�t that pale anymore;
he changed a lot since they came to this world, Kamui noticed. The patrols in
the sun and smiling a lot more seemed to only do well to his already beautiful
features

�O-ho!� Kamui saw that reaction coming, he waited for the
punch line to come, reading off the deep humor on Alex�s expression at such a
statement �Is Seishiro being rough with you?� he ended that with a deep hearted
laughter.

Subaru made a reprimanding sour face at
Alex, folding his arms on his chest protectively �It�s not that, and he�s
actually very delicate�sometimes�.�

There was a silence which ended by Alex�s
wild giggling. Kamui tried to stifle a giggle himself, trying to picture how
Subaru must be embarrassed by how he blushed into a dark shade of crimson.

�It�s actually from the horses, and
please don�t make jokes about that.� Alex whimpered, stifling a giggle �I
ache after every long ride� Subaru winced, feeling his sore thighs.

Alex got up and whistled for his horse �Show
me how you ride the horse when it trots�

Subaru climbed the horse and clicked the
animal to trot.

As Alex expected, Subaru simply sat on
the horse not interacting with the beast�s movements at all. He looked like a
limp doll sitting atop the horse, bounced up and down in a silly manner.

�Hmmm, you need to move with the horse as
he trots Subaru. Stand up and sit down in synch with the horse�s movements�

�Stand on the horse?! I�ll fall
off!!�

�Look, try standing in the stirrups while
the horse isn�t moving�

Subaru signaled the horse to stop and
straightened his legs in the stirrups, thus rising himself to some sort of a
wobbly stand.

�Good, now, sit down�

Subaru sat
down with a heavy unceremonious thud.

�Good, now do it again, over and over
again and when you�re certain of your movements do it as the horse walks
around. When you�re completely confident do it when the horse trots, stand up
and sit down in sync with the horse�s back side jumping up and down�

�That�s what�s going to stop me from
aching?� Subaru looked pretty doubtful as he stood up slowly then sat down
quickly and ungracefully.

�Yes, your ache comes from the horse�s
pelvis hitting your butt every time it rides faster then a walk�.poor
Seishiro�.it�s not his fault and yet he must suffer too as you refuse him night
after nig�.�

�Would you stop that!?� Subaru looked upset and restless �This is really
tiring you know, my leg muscles aren�t in shape�

�Yeah yeah, you�re
all flabby flesh and bones Subaru and you�re also too thin but never mind.
You�re using muscles also used for other pelvis thrusts�.not that you�d
be doing any of those�� Alex giggled some more and received a dove shiki
smacking him atop of his head, it only made him giggle more.

�Oh I�m fed up with this, it�s useless!�
Subaru threw away the horse�s reins angrily, looking a lot like a frustrated
child.

Alex stopped giggling and neared the
horse, motioning it to slow down and stand. �You�re doing it wrong, here� he
leaped on the horse, positioning himself directly behind Subaru.

He placed his hands high on Subaru�s
thighs, almost hugging him in their close position. He clicked the horse to
walk and began showing Subaru the movement, their bodies moving as one in a
heavily suggestive rhythm and movement.

Kamui didn�t find this funny any more. An
idea set on him like a dark cloud on a mountain top blinding him with its
darkness.

Alex kept him here like that and chased
Fuma away so horribly, yet he fooled around with Subaru like that. It enraged
him, how can Alex be such a hypocrite?!

He walked out of his hiding place amongst
the trees as if he was on a simple innocent stroll. When he knew both men saw
him he raised his eyes to them and with a semi-neutral yet highly poisonous
tone he said �Oh, don�t let me interrupt�

They stared at
him blankly, trying to understand what he was talking about.

Subaru realized it first and blushed so
deeply he felt like his face was on fire. He jumped away from Alex�s body on
the saddle as if he was bitten by a snake.

Alex stared from Kamui to Subaru, then
back at Kamui who�s eyes almost burnt with malice �What
are you talking about?!�

�If you want to fool around with Subaru-san
and the murderer you can do it, just don�t bring me along and hold me like a
captive pretending to punish me!!!� with that Kamui stormed away and back to
the nearby campsite, walking straight into his tent and behind his bed.

Alex followed shortly, bursting into the
tent powerfully, his cape blowing after him, swirling powerfully around his
body as he stopped �What the fuck are you talking about Kamui?!�

Kamui swung back to face Alex, his eyes ablaze
�You wanna fuck with them, fuck with them! Release me
and stop pretending you still care about me!� he was screaming by the end of
his sentence.

�I do care Kamui, I always
cared! and for your snotty little spoiled information this is not about
you! It�s about you and your stupid boyfriend�s decision to kill one of
my men!�

�You liar! You stupid, stupid liar! You�re here only to
get into my pants, you old pervert!�

Alex raised a warning finger at Kamui
�Kamui, do not call me like that, I told you about it!� he wasn�t
yelling anymore but his tone had enough anger and warning to pass the message
through.

�Then why do you let David call you
that?!� when he said the name Kamui threw his hand sideways as if to point at a
non existing David in the tent.

�That�s something you can�t understand
Kamui��

�Oh not that thing again, the old
�pride of the campers�. No one gives a fuck anymore, it�s in the past, bury it
already and stop behaving like the world owes you something�

Alex had to restrain himself from jumping
on Kamui and slapping him good �Kamui� he grunted through his teeth �you leave
that alone now� his voice was never so low with restrained anger.

Kamui made an impatient �eeekh� and turned around folding his arms on his chest
angrily, he shook his head to himself.

�Don�t flatter yourself so much to think that
the world revolves around you Kamui, you�re not that good, believe me!
Sometimes I really don�t know why I love you�

�Oh Alex you�re so full of shit!�
Kamui swung around again, his anger showing in his wild body language �You keep
saying you love me yet you keep abusing me and hurting the people I love!

�You said you�ll never hurt me, that
you�ll protect me! You swore Alex, you went down on your knees and you
swore! You�re so full of shit!� he swung his arms, grabbing at one
of the decorative chains of colorful beads, tearing it powerfully from the
ceiling.

A small wave of beads scattered on the
ground, hiding amongst the grass leaves trampled to a flat floor.

Alex stood there, his shoulders hunched
and his head slightly bowed. Yet his eyes, glaring powerfully under his scold,
were burning with what he said �Kamui, I do not enjoy this, if I had the
chance I wouldn�t have done this. But you insisted, and despite my warnings, despite
your friend�s feelings, despite real true justice and evidence placed
before you, evidence you could see, you sentenced him to death. If you
think I�m getting something out of this you�re wrong�

He turned and left. Before he exited
completely he turned his head to shoot at Kamui, in a solemn and sad voice �I
meant what I said, I kept my promise and I do love you. If it weren�t my
fucking destiny to be Death then I would let you be as I did when you wanted to
be with Fuma� he walked out, leaving Kamui huffing and puffing behind him.

**************************

Kamui paced his tent like a caged animal.
Everything he laid his eyes on disturbed him and enraged him. Every thought
that crossed his mind upset him. Never mind what aspect he saw of today�s
events he found no ease in.

He had heard Alex speak to Subaru in his
rage when they returned from the market place and he was crying. Through his
tears and painful thoughts he heard Alex�s shout �I�m not enjoying this!�.

Is he really?

Every time Kamui remembered Alex looking
at him with love in his eyes, he�d feel a pang in his chest. It wasn�t love; it
was regret� he started realizing his mistake.

Not the mistake he made with Seishiro,
never will he surrender to that argument.

The mistake he might have done with
Alex�.

He came out of his tent to walk in the
woods again. The cool wind of the nearing evening calmed his mind�s bubbling
with thoughts. The beautiful sunset, without the layer of depressing, beauty
blocking clouds of the city eased his suffering a bit.

He climbed a tree and settled atop a
branch, his slim legs dangling from each side as he rested his thin back on the
trunk itself.

He noted how the lack of his powers made
it pretty difficult to keep balance on the tree�s delicate limbs; no longer
will he be able to stand so elegantly and easily atop a lamppost or the edge of
a fence like in his school back in Tokyo.

When he tried to balance himself on one
branch the delicate wood snapped under him, sending Kamui along with him. He
slipped down the tree a bit, receiving a shallow scratch from a passing branch
on his route down.

He clung wildly at another passing branch
and managed to stop his falling and set on it.

He looked off at the sunset and filled
his head with thoughts to brush off the sting of pain the newly made scratch emitted.

He thought of Alex and the first evening
he spent in Kamui�s world. Alex told so many things
so quickly and acted so rashly and self confident�..how could Kamui, though ridden
by mysterious and strangely explained ideas from his home world, believe such
a pile of new information?

And on that night, on that very night
without doubt or a thought for himself Alex wanted to rid Kamui of him�.so
quickly, without a second thought�..

did he stop Alex because of his true wish
for Alex not to be hurt by those spirits or was it his own self humbleness, his
believe that he simply can�t be good enough to be loved to that extent�..

Or was it that
he didn�t want to lose his second Fuma�..

His second Fuma�.that�s what Alex was�.a
Fuma that kept his protective promise and truly guarded him of all evil, real
or imagined and gave all he could to him�.. all he saw
in Alex was that he was his second Fuma.

Kamui felt that pang in his chest and
curled himself into a little ball on the branch. He lost balance and soon found
himself falling very fast towards the ground below.

It wasn�t such a long fall, and even
though Kamui would have fallen on his back which is a sensitive area for such
blows, he would still not get hurt. A thick layer of soft leaves fallen from
the trees laying on top of the long grass which surrounded the strange island
of a forest would have softened his fall until maybe a small ache would be left
afterwards.

Kamui knew nothing would happen to him
because he had fallen from trees in his lifetime enough to an evaluation system
to tell him if he should grasp something to stop his fall or not.

Despite that Kamui did not land on the
earth below, he landed on a black leathery wing that stretched out to catch
him, cradling him in a curve unnatural to the wing�s usual spreading direction.

He was rolled carefully and placed on his
feet gently so that absolutely no harm could be done to him.

A short thought passed through Kamui�s mind; �how can he do something as brutal as the way
he fights at times and yet act so delicately in other times�

He stood with the layer of soft leaves up
to his ankles before Death who crouched by a tree leaning on its wide trunk.

Death�s eyes weren�t on him; he stared
forward into nothing in particular.

�I�m not made of glass, I could have
landed safely on my own� Kamui wanted to say but he couldn�t find the power within
him to start another fight.

Maybe all this sudden forgiveness he felt
towards Alex was due to sheer mental fatigue.

Something rebellious reared its head
inside Kamui, warning that Alex had managed to break down some of his defense walls
and soon he would find himself forgiving Seishiro.

But Kamui was too tired to listen to this
voice either.

Alex was humming to himself, something
foreign that Kamui couldn�t recognize, singing out the lyrics from time to
time.

His voice was clear and beautiful; he did
not miss a tone nor emitted a sound that mismatched any of the others before
it. The song flowed out of him like a gentle river flowing into the view before
them.

�I never knew you could sing� for a
second Kamui remembered Fuma�s song and remembered he
didn�t know he could sing.

Alex smiled a wan little smile and shot a
short glance at the boy beside him �I sang to you once but you�ve forgotten all
about it�.� his voice was calm yet so sad and bitter. Alex could deal words
like blows sometimes.

Kamui listened to the soft wind blowing
by them and noted how the air felt suddenly empty without Alex�s singing voice
in the background. �You did?�

�Yes, and I told you of the time David
and Jacob came and made us all sing�. you�ve forgotten all of that as
well�.you�ve forgotten that you told me everything about your life and about
you�you forgot it all�.� There was anger in his voice, very repressed but still
burning like a flame. He rose to his feet to leave, his body language signaling
that he�s upset and tired.

Then he shot one last glance at Kamui and
froze on his spot. His eyes widened in horror and worry as he spotted the
scratch on Kamui�s cheek.

He stepped up to the boy, lightly
piercing his thumb to extract some of the healing blood from it. He ran his
thumb over Kamui�s forgotten wound, examining the
results before looking deep into Kamui�s eyes.

Kamui didn�t flinch from the touch, he
was too dazed from the broad change in Alex�s mood from when he rose to storm
off to the mood he was in now. Even if it was only a scratch he still hurried immediately
to his side and without a word healed it, as small and pointless as it was.

There were so many emotions in the Alex�s
eyes; Kamui actually saw them cloud over with the intensity. Then they eyes
looked at him, those green eyes in the face that was Fuma�s�.but
his Fuma had brown eyes that looked a little red when the light shone into them
in the right direction.

Then Kamui snapped back to the emotions
in Alex�s eyes; there was love there, like there always was, even when Alex was
enraged with him. But there was pain too, infinite pain Kamui felt he could
never grasp; the pain of a man that cannot reach his medicine anymore though he
is so very ill; the pain of unrequited love.

The more Kamui thought of it the more he
wanted to run away.

He did finally, pushing at Alex and
running away into the sinking sun leaving darkness after its last flaming red
rays disappeared. He ran into his tent choking his tears away.

He didn�t love
Alex; he never did and never will.

He loved Fuma.

He touched Fuma and filled them both with
love and happiness, made their lives perfect as they filled their empty halves
with the other�s whole one.

He touched
Alex once and left him broken ever since. Alex was something special, something
big and amazing�.yet he broke him into bits, he, little �o him.

Kamui walked over to his sanctuary behind
the bed and flopped down on the floor. His mind was vacant as he absent
mindedly rolled the different fallen beads out of their hiding places amongst
the grass leaves.

*************************

After a while a dark cloud set on Kamui
again sinking him back into his dark mood.

He was Justice so he could see when
something unfair was done. He saw himself as guilty. Yet he couldn�t bring
himself to apologize, to admit his mistake out loud to anyone, he had too much
pride and was too stubborn to do it.

Soft sounds of fabrics moving and soft
padding told Kamui someone walked into his tent. It was about the time when David
would come in his to bring him food.

But it wasn�t David, David�s steps were
crude and hard as if he was dragging something all his life; digging his heels
deeply into the ground to get a grip on the surface and then land the rest of
his foot to pull the weight along with him�whatever weight he was pulling.

The steps he heard now were light, almost
unheard; the steps of a skilled hunter.

It wasn�t Lestate because Lestate would
probably never enter his tent, preferring to scold him silently by ignoring his
existence altogether.

It wasn�t Seishiro because he didn�t hear
another padding of feet by that padding that would indicate Subaru walking in
as well. surely if Seishiro would have entered his
tent then surely Subaru would accompany him to keep the Sakurazukamori from
doing anything out of place.

Those were the only two people who would
sound like a hunter sneaking up on someone.

Victoria stumbled as she walked around, her head up in her
thoughts or in some sort of a vacuum of her own so it never really connected
with her body making her terribly clumsy. She either paddled along like a duck
or shuffled her feet like a bummed out teenager.

Kamui noted the steps he heard were small,
as if a woman walked in. he knew these steps, on tiptoe, from the way his
mother used to walk and how her feet would sound on their house�s wooden floor.
She would tiptoe because she was far too used to walk on high heels at work and
kept that posture even with her shoes off inside her own home.

Alex tiptoed when he walked, whether it
was when he was sneaking up on someone, dancing with his sword as he fought
with someone, or simply he walked around. His refuse to wear hard soled boots
lead him to wear flexible forest hunting boots which allowed him to tiptoe
freely as well as muffled the sounds of his steps on most floors.

Alex told him once that it was an ancient
habit from the time he was a boy in the different orphanages he grew up in;
he�d refuse to cut his hair and walked around in dresses and on tiptoes as if
he was a woman.

The memory echoed in Kamui�s
mind like a cloud of dust blown when you place an old book on a shelf.

There was silence and Kamui heard Alex
placing a plate on the little bedside table placed in his room, made from a
rich scented wood. Kamui expected to hear the usual �Eat up while it�s hot
Kamui� or something like that. But he didn�t hear it.

He hated it when Alex bugged him about
his minimal weight and his slim figure, it annoyed him so much. Now he
found himself almost disappointed and definitely amazed at how, in his
consideration of Kamui�s gloomy mood, Alex restrained
even his most powerful instincts.

The silence hung like moisture in the air,
stifling and uncomfortable. Kamui began feeling awkward, he felt like something
bad was about to come and he wouldn�t be able to prevent it.

�You�.you never loved me, did you� Alex
voice finally came, deep and rich with choked tears.

Kamui took his time, fighting not to
answer. God he hated confessions, he hated hurting people.

�No�.I never did�

�I only remembered now, what you said when
you first saw me. I was too sunk into you and how you looked and the mess
around that I didn�t hear it but now I know�

Kamui knew, he
remembered that now.

�You looked at me and you said �Fuma��

It must have hurt Alex to say that. Kamui
winced, but he was also relieved.

�Because that�s all you ever saw in me�.him
�.a substitute to him�� there was a pause while Alex fought himself not to cry.

�Yes�.� What else could he say? He only
hoped his grave ashamed tone would pass the message that he�s regretting it.

�Didn�t it�.didn�t it ever bother you? What
you were doing�to me?� words of a defeated man, yet said so proudly.

��.I never realized it until I came here
again and faced my real emotions��

�Ah�.� Alex looked away, his eyes filled
with tears.

�Alex�what did you find in me?!� he rose
to sit Japanese style on the floor, leaning his head on his bed, looking at
Alex. Alex had something surrendered in his posture yet still powerful. �A 16
year old human boy from Japan, what do we have in common?� he was trying to put
some reason into Alex�s unreasonable love to him.

But Alex only stared at him with eyes
that were almost black with desperation and pain. He didn�t answer, his
saddened face was enough. His eyes were soft and tearful, two lines of blood
running down his pale skin as his tears dripped on.

�I loved you because you were promised to
me in a dream�and because you are so beautiful and wonderful and smart�

That dream, now he remembered, he heard
about it once.

Alex was often receiving dreams of his
own future, stuffed with symbolism to keep him from understanding their meaning
until it was too late. Kamui appeared in one of those dreams a little before he
first arrived at the Lost Dimension.

Alex made a bitter little smile �But it
doesn�t matter does it? You never loved me�only Fuma, always�.so what does it
matter now what I see in you�. what I feel about you�� now he did look pathetic
and defeated, beaten to surrender without a bruise to show it.

Kamui returned to crouch behind his bed. Suddenly
those beads were the most fascinating thing in the world.

�You know what? I would have let you go to
Fuma, I did, didn�t I? I wouldn�t be angry because I want you to be happy. But
Kamui, if only you could have looked at me and give me some attention�something,
a glance, a smile, a small word. A little attention is all I ever wanted�

��..But you shunned me as if I already
hurting you, like I was forcing myself on you�.and I�ve done so much for you Kamui,
I sacrificed so much for you�.and not a single word did I hear about it, not
one �thank you��.that�s all I wanted, a �thank you��.�

Silence.

From gentle yet heavy tiptoeing steps
walking away from him and the rustle of the black cape waving Kamui knew Alex
was about to leave.

�I�m sorry� he whispered, knowing Alex
could hear him.

*********************

Subaru reached under his back where a
fancy pillow caused him some discomfort as he landed on the bed, slightly
crushed by Seishiro�s body. He threw away the
offending pillow and resumed his doings.

His mouth was covered by his lover�s,
kissing him passionately. Subaru slowly let himself go from his usual realm of
thought and awareness to the land of the carnal and mindless.

They both stopped everything when their
senses jumped them. Seishiro managed to roll off of Subaru before Alex walked
into the tent.

He looked miserable despite his usual
armor and almost ceremonial dignified outfit. The stains of blood tears on his
cheeks were a shock. He raised his eyes to them and realized what he
interrupted. Alarm ran across his face and he immediately turned to leave.

But Subaru had a sixth and seventh sense
when it came to the pain of others, this senses now yelled at him that Alex was
leaking pain. He shot up to sit and called Death back.

Alex froze on
the tent�s entrance, shooting an unsure glance backwards.

Seishiro lay there shocked at how the man
he always knew as powerful and strong suddenly looked like an abused puppy
begging for attention and affection.

�What�s wrong Alex?� Suabru�s
voice was like hands reaching out to sooth, his real hands also moved a bit
forward, ghostly trying to grab at Alex and sooth him.

Alex turned to them, his head bowed in
surrender, his eyes filled with tears again. �He never loved me�ever�.� He mumbled,
well heard.

Seishiro was even more amazed when he
heard himself roughly command Alex to �Sit down� knowing there was nothing else
to sit on but their bed and that the only place to sit there and run a normal
conversation was between the both of them.

Alex walked over, his armor disappearing
leaving behind only the simple black vest and pants. He sat on the bed with an
unusual ungraceful thud.

For a while he sat there crouched over,
leaning on his elbows upon his open legs like a man planning something.

Subaru wrapped his arm around Alex broad
back, feeling long thin bumps in the skin under the thin vest. He noticed that
on the little bit of back the vest exposed, lines of scars from what must have
been a whiplashes bulged slightly out of the perfectly white skin. So much pain coming only from his skin.

Seishiro half lay on the bed, propping
himself slightly by leaning on his elbows, observing the two. He was wearing
his light nighttime black tunic made from a simple crude fabric he found while
rummaging in David�s shed back in the city once as David stood grumbling in the
doorway and Alex stood by soothing him wordlessly.

For a while there was
silence as Subaru chose between silence and words for a good method of comfort,
and if words then which to say.

Alex helped him solve the problem as he
began speaking �I remembered suddenly, how when he first came here and first
saw me, what he said. He looked at me and said �Fuma�. Then I realized that he
never ever loved me but Fuma, all this time. He used me then discarded
me.

�Sure, now when I spoke to him about it
he apologized but�..� a tremor went through the muscles under Subaru�s arm, the
beginnings of a sob. But Alex didn�t cry, he spoke on instead.

�I thought my feelings didn�t matter,
they really didn�t for a very long time. I thought that when it came to Kamui�s happiness my feelings and thoughts don�t matter
but�.I feel pain�.so much pain�.� There was another tremor, this time almost a
real sob.

It made Seishiro wonder about something.
As far as he knew, despite his often monstrous appearance and behavior, Alex
was awfully human. Humans would have cried over such a thing by now, but Alex
didn�t besides the random tear shedding. What was he trying to do to himself by
holding it all inside?!

His mother thought him, as a part of her
�why we should kill people� lessons, that when people hold enough pain
inside them that pain becomes like a tight ball around their hearts. She told
him that enough pain on some level creates education, a little more creates
fear but too much pain causes hatred.

She told him that if he looks around he
could see people with tight balls around their hearts, walking the earth
causing pain and suffering to those who caused them pain or to those who resembled
the offenders.

He knew some of the pain that melted into
hatred found its venting in some of Alex�s behaviors towards Fuma. He knew that
Alex needs to vent that pain before it�ll make him do something that might make
him regret it later.

Then again he didn�t care if Kamui was hurt;
he just didn�t feel like picking up Alex�s pieces after it, like what he�s
doing now, he thought it was Kamui�s responsibility
as the one who hurt Alex in the first place.

Subaru only held Alex and leaned his head
on his shoulder. He was wearing his loose white tunic with the polka dots. The
tunic was slipping off of Subaru�s shoulder slightly, revealing to Seishiro�s eyes pieces of delicate skin he loved to adore
silently when Subaru wasn�t looking.

Alex bit his lower lip and buried his
gaze in the floor, he was slowly growing more and more tense.

Subaru remembered vaguely that on some
lonesome and boring patrol Subaru asked Lestate why Alex was hardly seen around
those days, the days right after Kamui and Fuma�s reunion.

Lestate explained to him that when Alex
is deeply hurt he puts a shell-like shield on himself and closes in letting no
one see his pain. He pretends to be the tough soldier while hurting himself in
the process. He said he hadn�t seen Alex really cry in
a long time and that it was not a good thing.

Subaru wondered why it was a bad thing
besides the fact that it was healthy to cry from time to time but he trusted Lestate�s deeper knowledge of Alex and took his word for it.

But Alex didn�t cry and it was too late
to try and make him; the shell he wrapped himself in was too thick now, his
muscles were tense all over.

A short thought ran through Subaru and Seishiro�s mind, though both had a very different reaction
that meant probably the same thing in the end. It wasn�t a thought as much as
it was a picture: Alex sitting somewhere, gloomy and brooding through the night,
alone and lonely in the cold.

Seishiro shrugged mentally and pretended
he didn�t care. If it was Alex�s way of dealing with his pain then so be it. Though
he knew that Death�s coming here was a cry for help, or at least for some
attention so they better do something other then letting him go.

Subaru felt a sharp pang at the thought;
he hurt Alex�s cold lonely hurt as he saw the image in his mind�s eye. And all
he wanted right now was to stop Alex from going out of their tent to the cold
and lonely night.

�Do�do you want to�umm�� the earlier
horse riding incident made Subaru think twice and thrice over anything that
could come out wrong �Do you want to stay over tonight?� he managed to mumble
while fighting off a violent blush.

Seishiro sent
him a �what the hell?!� look behind Alex�s back.

Subaru shot
him a silencing glare back.

Alex shot a slightly miserable glance at
Subaru. Basically it was what he hoped for and never dared to think he�d have
the guts to ask. All he wanted was to sleep wrapped in some sort of affection,
or at least acceptance�..or the illusion of both.

Subaru smiled
back and lay on the bed, gesturing for Alex to do the same.

They lay there for maybe an hour or so,
wrapped in uncomfortable silence. Each was to his own thought.

Seishiro, who lay on his side with his
back to Alex laying between him and his lover, suddenly wondered what�s wrong
with people taking out that tight ball of pain and hatred on the people who
started that ball in the first place.

His mother taught him that this too made
them worthy to become the prey of the Sakura.

Lately he began thinking back at his
mother and seeing the dark momentary expressions that sometimes twitched her
face, the tares of madness into her behavior.

No human could live without emotions even
if those emotions were robbed of them by magic.

At the time, he solved his problem by
pretending he wasn�t digging those emotions out of the earth beneath the Sakura
using a shovel called Subaru.

His mother solved her problem by going slightly
mad and teaching him to be the strongest and the cruelest of all Sakurazukamori.
She didn�t toy with people�s emotions like he did, like she taught him to. She
didn�t do it on purpose. Perhaps she wanted to make him into such a monster to be
able to look at him, then at herself and have the
comfort of thinking she was the better of the two.

His life was a strange and unusual life. Seishiro
realized more and more how he was nothing but a puppet in the hands of those
around him. The only thing he chose on his own was Subaru. It made him love the
man laying behind Death more then anything.

Subaru also lay on his side with his back
to Alex, tearing himself between two very powerful interests: caring for Kamui,
because the boy�s pain and their previous good relationship began breaking the
walls of anger he shut around his heart when they sentenced his Seishiro to
death. Then there was Seishiro himself and Alex who would get hurt and angry if
he�d start caring for Kamui again.

There was an evening about a day after
the marketplace incident, just before Fuma�s song.
Kamui was crying in his tent and Subaru walked in silently. He crouched by the
tense human ball and wrapped an arm across the lean back.

He sat there comforting silently when he
heard a soft whisper he could swear was Yutu�s voice,
gently telling him to get out of the tent please and then a polite �Thank you�.

He remembered Kamui didn�t look up at him
or even reacted to his presence but that he could sense something softened a
little in Kamui�s tension.

Subaru wondered over many things, one of
them was the gentle twinkle of an emotion that was buried within him under so
much dust and contradicting events that it never got the chance to develop into
a full flame. A twinkle towards Kamui.

Alex didn�t think as he lay on his back
between the two onmyoujis. His mind was blank and so he turned his head to
Subaru looking for something he didn�t know.

Then an idea came to his mind in a sneaky
naughty way that such ideas creep into one�s mind.

�Subaru-kun, you�re wearing your polka
dotted pajamas� he said in a tone he knew would hit the spot in both onmyouji.

In a fragment of a second the awkward
silence that lay heavy in the air of the tent ignited into a full fledged chaos.

Subaru turned around sharply glaring at
Alex who smirked back at him.

Seishiro laughed out so loud he was
almost in tears.

Subaru rose to sit a little, shouting at
Seishiro to shut his mouth.

Seishiro tried to subside
his hollers into giggles, doing a very poor job at it.

Alex lay there smug until Subaru picked
it up and began whacking him with his pillow.

When Subaru�s anger subsided he allowed
his pillow to be grabbed and placed under Alex�s head.

The malice-filled green eyes now turned
to Seishiro, still giggling on the bed. �Oi, what are
you giggling at like a monkey mister talking to penguins at Sunshine 60?�.

One golden eye and one white eye glared
at Alex as it was Subaru�s turn to giggle and holler with laughter.

�Is that what he was doing then? I
wondered who he was talking to�.

Alex turned from encouraging Subaru to
Seishiro again ��do you find me sexy�, why didn�t you just whack him over the
head with your wooden club and dragged him off to your cave then?�.

Subaru giggled more while Seishiro just
glared.

The air in the tent lightened up, filling
with mild insults and teasing shot from one side to another until they were too
tired to talk.

*************************

The morning after Alex woke up realizing
that he had a wonderful refreshing, peaceful sleep�.again�.

He felt weight of two things on him.

One was Subaru�s arm, almost wrapped
across his chest with Subaru himself curled around his side in a one sided sleeping
cuddle. The younger onmyouji� face was so peaceful as
they were buried in the duvet pooling in the joint between his neck and his
shoulder.

The other was Seishiro�s
arm lying limply across his chest a little above Subaru�s. This seemed to be
purely incidental since Seishiro lay on his stomach with his head laying on the
pillow to the other direction.

An unruly bang stood up atop the Sakurazukamori�s head in the mess of sleep. It amused Alex
to think of how the Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound would look as
he sleepily opened his eyes to a new day. He was even more amused at the
thought of how Seishiro would react to his uncontrolled laughter at such a
state.

Then he realized what was going on and
melted away from between their warm bodies. Turning his body to fog and fading
out of the room, Alex chose to chase these thoughts away before he starts taking
them seriously.

The moment he stood in the fresh air of a
new day the thoughts were gone and he remembered his bane again.

Never mind. every once and a while in his
life he falls to a new pain and dies, every time he stands again and start
walking as if revived. This too will pass. It has to; he must get back on his
feet and keep walking or he�ll die.

He walked to the forest to see if there
was something edible to make breakfast to the group from.

(tbc)
- 18
- 19
- 20
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A New World