Haunted

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Chapter 19: Hinder


“Hoshi no inochi nara mayoi
Kedo ano wa sora
Kurai no kumo
Kekai taihe no hikari
Ano taiyou wa tabun ishoui
Anata
Kono sekai wa mousuguni
Ore no koi mitsuke tandayo—”

“Shuichi-san,” Fujisaki spoke from outside the recording room while holding down a green button so his voice would transmit, “let’s do that again from the top. This round, I want you to go on a higher scale at the second time you sing the chorus.”
Shuichi nodded and made a peace sign to assure him he understood.

After the recording, K gave everybody a break, and so Shuichi got the chance to meet up with Seige.
“What time are you leaving the studio?” Seige asked while he took a bite from the hamburger he bought,
“I dunno…maybe after five hours or so…Fujisaki-san can be pretty speculative.” Shuichi mentioned, taking a handful of fries that Seige bought for him,
“I can see that.” Seige chuckled under his breath, and took huge gulps from his soda, “so… are you excited for your big concert next week?” he asked while he watched how cute Shuichi ate,
“Uh-huh,” Shuichi nodded, “we’ve been rehearsing every morning. And at the afternoon, we record our latest songs. It’s really exhausting.”
“That’s why I decided to take you out tonight.” Seige beamed,
“Tonight?” Shuichi buckled, “but I might come out late.”
“Then we’ll find a restaurant that opens twenty-four hours.”
“Don’t do that,” Shuichi whined, “besides, I‘ll be tired by then. You won’t enjoy my company anymore.”
Seige stopped from the bite he was about to take and made a flashy devious smile,
“I highly doubt that.”
Shuichi laughed at his sill reply and threw some fries on his face.

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After the rehearsals that night, Seige picked Shuichi up and drove him home.
“Thanks for the ride.” Shuichi said while Seige walked him towards the door,
“No problem. So, are you…available tomorrow?”
“Sunday?”
“Don’t tell me you still have to work on Sundays.” Seige gushed,
Shuichi bit his lip and looked at the grinning Segie in front of him.
Clad in black pants, blazer and turtleneck, Seige Mushimoto definitely deserves the title, ‘The Hunk’,
“Of course not.” Shuichi drawled out and found out that he was fortunate to be able to hang around with a major cutie.
Seige Mushimoto was the whole package. Rich guy, very independent, immensely appealing, right amount of arrogance, has a sensitive side, and very smart.
Added to do that, he had extremely good looks, a remarkable tall height and a jaw dropping built.
Not to mention his charismatic personality,
“Then I’ll take you to the amusement park.”
“The amusement park?”
“Yeah, haven’t you been there?”
Shuichi remembered the date he had with Yuki Eiri from the past. He had some quick flashbacks about the moment Yuki told him that he killed a bunch of people and the person he admired the most.
It made Shuichi so happy since Yuki was able to share him his past, to which Shuichi thought might be one of the keys to make their bondage stronger,
“Shuichi?”
Shuichi snapped back to reality and smiled weakly,
“I’m really tired now… you better get some sleep too.” Shuichi urged.
He turned around to retire in his apartment, but Seige got hold of his arm.
In a swift surprising odd motion, Seige swung Shuichi around and pulled him closer.
He devoured Shuichi’s mouth with a pent-up passion and longing that had been plaguing him since he fetched Shuichi a while ago,
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. We’ll spend the rest of the day at the park tomorrow, alright?”
Shuichi was too dazed by the kiss Seige gave him.
“U-Uh…y-yeah.”
Seige chuckled and kissed him one last time.

Seige watched Shuichi close the door before he could finally get back to his car. It was already 11:30 in the evening when Seige got Shuichi home.
Seige got back inside his Rolls Royz and buckled up.
While he drove along the highway, he listened to his voice messages from his mobile phone,
“Sir,” Derek Winterborne, Seige’s trusted personal secretary started, “you had a total of fifteen calls when you were out of the office today. Most of them pertained to your music company at LA. There had been a few major problems about the latest records. I talked with Mr. Katushiba about this matter, and he said it was being handled straight away. The other calls were about your business ventures in Europe. They just reported about the percentage increase of your profits. As for the last call, we received a message from Ms. Serena Tokigawa.”
Seige flinched at the mere sound of the Tokigawa name.
“I believe it was her bodyguard who spoke over the phone. He was saying something about having a meeting tomorrow,”
“Shit…” Seige muttered under his breath,
“I was surprised that he had the gull to set the time without your say in it, sir” he continued, “but nonetheless, he said that you are to meet with Ms. Tokigawa at 1 PM at Hilton Hotel’s lobby. These are all the messages, sir. Have a good night.”
A beep went off and Seige threw his phone at the backseat.
“What the hell does that woman want?” Seige asked himself and drove as fast as he could.

When Seige arrived in his condominium, his phone rang as soon as he bolted the door,
“Moshi-moshi?”
“Did you get my message?”
It didn’t take long before Seige found out whom he was talking to at the other end of the line,
“Absolutely, Ms. Tokigawa” He answered in such a sardonic way.

Seige walked towards his bar and opened a crystal decanter that contained gin. He poured himself a glass and drank it straight,

“Seige, darling. What’s this attitude you’re showing me?” Serena asked playfully,
“What do you want?” he hissed, pouring himself another glass and taking off his b;azer and his shirt.
He heard Serena chuckle softly and began,
“Are you free tonight? My treat.”
“I still need to work,” he excused himself, trying not to remember his past encounter with the Tokigawa family, “why do you want me to meet you tomorrow at Kneitz hotel anyway?” he asked impatiently, removing his shoes and tossing it away.
“I want to discuss something very important with you.”
Seige took a deep frustrated breath and placed a hand on his hip,
“If you want to tell something to me, tell it now.”
There was a short pause of silence over the phone, but it was quickly diminished with Serena’s outraging statement,
“Do you know that your arranged marriage contract with my youngest sister, Sakura, has not been destroyed?”
Seige stopped dead in his tracks and felt the veins from his neck bulging out,
“What the hell do you mean?”
“What I mean, darling, is that I can sue you if you don’t fulfill the contract.”
Seige’s fury started to mount.
“How dare you! After making my relationship with Tokia suffer like that, now you’re going to antagonize me with some petty bullshit you made up!”
Serena chuckled again and he could almost see the way she looked like right now,
“Darling, I’m surprised you haven’t forgotten about Tokia over the years.”
“Don’t change the topic, damn you.” Seige said in low seething voice.
Serena no longer enjoyed his tone. Her voice completely changed from teasing to stiff and serious,
“I want you to get this straight: No matter how many options you try to raise, you can never be with Tokia. Your arranged marriage is with Sakura. Tokia is already entitled to someone else. You’ll just have to accept that as soon as possible before you hurt yourself further. Now about the marriage contract—”
“How can you say all these things when we all know that Sakura is dead?”
Serena suddenly became furious and replied darkly over the phone,
“My sister is not dead,” she started, “as a matter of fact, we have recently found her and I believe you are even enjoying her company.”
Seige’s forehead formed a deep furrow. He couldn’t understand what Serena Tokigawa was talking about, or rather, what she was trying to imply
“You’re a crazy woman, Serena. You’re talking crap. I’m not getting you at all,” he reasoned forcefully, “How can I be enjoying your dead sister’s company when I don’t even know her face? When I haven’t even met her?!” he shouted.
Serena, once again, laughed sardonically over the phone and continued,
“Oh you have, Seige. Believe me, you have.”
Seige couldn’t take this any longer. He was going to put down the phone when Serena began again,
“You still are aware that my father owned a research facility, don’t you?”
“Yeah, sure. The old man’s crazy theory of changing one sex to the other, yeah I know that shit.”
Serena lost all her patience,
“You little imbecile. I hope you know whom you’re talking to. Just to inform you, my father was a great man—”
“Too bad he died without satisfying his fanatical dream. I have to say, you really did inherit you father’s madness—”
“Listen to me, you little fuckhead. What I am about to say will change your life forever. Like it or not, you will marry Sakura. I’ll make sure of that even if it’s the last thing I do. Now I know that you still despise me because I drove you away from Tokia, but you have to understand that she willed to be away from you as well.”
The realization hit Seige as it once did a long time ago,
“Tokia chose to respect what our parents want. You should do the same since you owe your life to your parents,” she said, “a person born with a position like ours are bound to marry someone who is just as great. In your condition, you will be married to someone suitable for you, and I am not saying that Tokia isn’t suitable. I am saying that our parents chose you and Sakura to be together, so the sooner you accept that, the better. Anyway there’s no escape to it. I think you weren’t informed that your parents made sure that the arranged marriage contract cannot be dissolved,”
Seige was stunt by her news. His parents never did say anything about the liquidation of the marriage contract. Perhaps it was because they weren’t still sure that the Sakura they kept insisting on him was still alive.
“Serena, if I find out that what you’re saying to me is nothing but fakery, I’ll make sure that you’ll spend the rest of your life behind bars.”
Serena Tokigawa snickered like a madwoman at her other end of the line,
“Darling, I don’t think the economies will allow that.”
Seige was about to say something to confute her, but he remembered how powerful the Tokigawa was now.
Serena had done a lot of trade ventures since her parents died. And upon the information he received, the Tokigawa businesses were quite affluent in all parts of the world. She was featured dozens of times in magazines, newspapers, talk shows and interviews pertaining to her ‘multi-success’.
“Like what I said, darling,” Serena started, “I don’t think you really know who you’re talking to.” She boasted, “I control a lot of industries that may influence most economies, and that’s equal to a dominant position in governments. By now, you should know that. Count yourself lucky that you’ll be connected to the Tokigawa name once you’re married to my youngest sister.”
Seige was starting to breathe in a fast pace, and his hand was shaped into a hard fist while he listened carefully to her,
“I won’t make this hard for you, Seige,” Serena started again, “after all, none of us will actually lose in this game.”
“Game?” he ridiculed, “you think this is a fucking game you’re playing? These are people’s lives you’re trying to control! You have no right to do that! Even with all your power and money, you can’t force people to do something they don’t want—”
“Seige,” she drawled out and rolled her eyes heavenward, “cut the drama and hear me out first. My God, I was only planning to talk to you for a few minutes and now you’re making it longer. Look, as I said, none of us will lose. Don’t be mad because there’s no reason to be,”
Serena was getting closer into saying the truth.
Seige waited with strange anticipation which he himself didn’t quite understand,
“Enlighten me.” he shot out sarcastically.
“You see, Seige. My father didn’t really die without fulfilling his dream.”
“What?”
“My father, Akano Tokigawa, succeeded in the most advanced sex change in history. In short, man can be turned into woman, and woman into a man.”
“I don’t care.” He snapped,
“Oh, but you should. Because what I am about to say will shock you unto your very core,” she warned,
“Try me.”
“Sakura is your beloved Shuichi, Seige. They are one.”
Seige stood on his feet. Motionless.
“You really are crazy.”
“If you don’t believe me, ask Shindou Shuichi yourself. Didn’t you ever wonder why I never intervened between the two of you?” she asked, “If I always insisted that your place belongs with Sakura, then I should have driven you away from Shindou Shuichi a long time ago.” She reasoned and continued,
“But I didn’t, because Shuichi is Sakura and Sakura is Shuichi—”
“Shuichi is a man.”
“Yes that’s true, but not for long.”
This time, Serena’s voice turned into something gentle and pleading,
“Seige, listen to me very carefully. I’m going to need your help. In a matter of months, weeks, or even days, Sakura may die.”
Seige didn’t really understand what this crazy woman was talking about.
But if she’s saying that Shuichi and Sakura is the identical person, then that means Shuichi will die anytime soon.
“What the hell are you planning to do with Shuichi—”
“Calm down, you fool. Why would I even try to hurt my own sister?” she asked, “let me finish. You know I truly do hate your arrogance—”
“Fuck you—”
“You thickheaded asshole, I’m not going to oppose your relationship with Shindou Shuichi because he is Sakura—”
“Stop insisting that ludicrous conspiracy!”
“If you don’t believe me, then ask him!” Serena thundered out of impatience, advising the same thing again
“I’ve already told her the truth—” she continued but was cut off,
“Stop referring to him as her—”
“Shuichi is a woman, Seige! Won’t you listen? Stop making this so damn complicated—”
“Me?! Look who the hell is talking—”
“Alright!” Serena shouted, cutting him off, “enough of this non-sense. I had enough.” She said, “I want you to go over Shuichi’s place and ask him yourself if you don’t believe me. But I tell you this: no matter what Shuichi says, he’s going to die in the near future if he doesn’t have his operation—”
“What?!”
“Listen to me first, damnit! Stop cutting me off…” she lectured, “you have to understand that the research my father conducted was quite complicated and far too complex...” She explained, “what you only need to know now is that Shuichi’s life is in dire trouble if we don’t act fast—”
“We?!”
“Yes, we, asshole. Shuichi’s original organ, which is a female reproductive organ, is already decaying—”
“I-I don’t wanna hear this anymore—”
“Seige, listen to me!” Serena insisted, “Don’t make this harder than it already is. We’re a team here. I’m on your side. I’m not your enemy. Like what I said, none of us will loose because both of will get what we want in the end.” She explained, “the sooner you accept the fact that Shuichi really is a woman, the better. It’s not like your whole world will disappear if he turns into a girl.” She drawled out almost sarcastically,
Seige leaned his body on a wall and began helplessly,
“Serena…I don’t really understand what you’re trying to imply…you don’t have any evidence—”
“Then come with me in the operating room and see for yourself—”
“You will not raise a knife on Shindou Shuichi!” Seige exclaimed looking like a savage man,
Serena exhaled deeply and massaged her forehead.
What kind of dumbwitted asshole is he? And I thought he was smart. I knew he was stubborn, but I never knew he could be this hard,
“Seige—” Serena began but was immediately cut off again,
“I will not tolerate this any longer! I will file a case against you! I don’t care if you’re powerful, I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you down—”
“I’m going over Shindou Shuichi’s place now, meet me there. Goodbye.”
“Serena? Serena Tokigawa?! Don’t you dare hang up on me—”
Seige stared at his mobile phone as the endless monotone beeping sounded off in the air,
“Shit!”

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Shuichi tried to close his eyes, but he just couldn’t. He kept turning left and right on his bed. He tried counting 1 to 100, but he got bored doing it by the time he was on 50.
What’s bothering me anyway? He asked himself,
Shuichi looked outside his balcony. He left the doors open so the wind could blow in and he would no longer use the air conditioning system. Besides, it was better this way since the breeze feels nicer.
Full moon? Damn, it looks pretty…he thought.
Shuichi looked outside the sky. He stared at the stars sprawled against the endless black pit.

I wonder…

Across the night sky, a lonely lover was looking at the same moon as well…

A tall handsome man leaned against his large window frame and stared upon the sky. Out there, he noticed how beautiful the moon shone tonight,

What I want…

“Yuki,” Mika started over the machine recorder, trying to understand what was going on with her brother, “I’m not sure what’s happening with you, but the other day you seemed to be fine…I thought you said you wanted to talk to father already… what made you change your mind?”

What I miss…

“Also, Tetsuha told me that you changed your keys… how the hell can he get into your condo now? You damn well know that he’s my messenger here… how can I get in touch with you this time?” she asked worriedly,

What I need…


“Yuki, are you trying to lock yourself in again? You know that’s useless…” she continued, “I’ve heard… from a friend…who passed by your house the other day… that Shindou Shuichi stopped by… is that information correct?”

Not what, but who…

The name rang a bell inside the man’s head. He was disoriented for a while as he listened to his phone messages.


“Yuki, look, I’m worried about you… I know I can be a pain in the ass… but that’s what big sisters do… they become a pain in the ass if their younger siblings don’t cooperate… Yuki…why won’t you answer the phone? What’s going on?”

Who I truly want…Who I truly miss…Who I truly need…Who…


Shindou Shuichi lay across his bed, staring at the soft, light, white curtains that were being carried by the breeze ever so gently.
It was like watching a segment of a romantic movie wherein the heroine was lonesome and she kept staring at the balcony where anytime soon, her lover would appear.
Probably the same way Juliet felt when she kept on waiting for Romeo.
Yeah right… Shuichi mumbled to himself, as if…

But why not? I’m a girl now…so what…

Shuichi turned around and stared upon his ceiling instead.

I’m a girl…I’m…a woman…

Suddenly, Shuichi sprang to an upright position,
“Does that mean I can get pregnant?!”
Out of the blue, the doorbell rang from downstairs.
Who the hell could be out there at the middle of the night?
“So late…” Shuichi began grumpily as he slowly got out of bed and even stumbled upon his covers.
The doorbell rang again, and this time, it went on spontaneously, on purposefully irritating him.
“Will you wait!… Whoever you are…” he mumbled.

“What do you want—”

When Shuichi opened the door, there was no one outside.
“Damn pranksters…when I get my hands on those kids…”
Shuichi’s words immediately trailed off when he saw what seemed to be a cake right in front of his feet.
“What the…”
Shuichi bent down and held it up.
As he did, a note sprang from the bottom, and a single word was written on the piece of paper:

Sorry

And at the bottom of a paper was a piece of cigarette taped across it.

Shuichi gasped in disbelief and looked sideways to see if who he think brought this cake was still there.
He ran outside his door and saw nobody. No black expensive luxurious Mercedes hanging around the corner…
“Yuki… ?”
And then a car parked right outside his apartment.

“Yuki!” Shuichi exclaimed in excitement.

But whomever came out didn’t quite the least resembled Yuki Eiri.

“S-Serena?”

And she doesn’t seem to be alone.

Behind the shiny black limousine was another car.
A Rolls Royce.
Shuichi didn’t know anyone else who owned a Rolls Royce except…

“Seige!” Shuichi called out.

What’s he doing with her?

Shuichi ran outside to meet up with them.

“Sorry for the interruption, Shuichi.” Seige started, looking all tired and frustrated.
“Good evening.” Serena Tokigawa just said and bowed.

Shuichi looked away for a few seconds. Seeing the person who just told him that she was his sister and that he was going to die sometime soon doesn’t seem to be very appealing right now.

“May we come in?” Serena asked, sensing the building tension inside their atmosphere.
Shuichi didn’t reply to her but he simply nodded.

Seige went after Serena, and as the three of them came inside Shuichi’s apartment, a tall dark man came out of the limousine where Serena came out.
Serena Tokigawa lent out a halting sign.
The man completely stopped and nodded in obedience.

Shuichi stared at the man, and he noticed how familiar his face was,

“You…” Shuichi whispered, looking at the man who was staring back at him.

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“Gilfred, I’m scared!” A small child whispered hoarsely while he was held closely to a large man’s chest.
Shuichi’s head came to a blur. He was starting to remember something again from his past. Broken pictures like before. Conversations that never made sense.
And as he had one of those segments once more, he could see himself in a child’s body again.
Odd though, he wasn’t in the little girl’s body anymore.
But rather…inside a little boy.
“Don’t be.” The man called Gilfred replied and tried to smile as best as he could,
“Where are my sisters…u-uh…I mean…brothers…?”
“We’ll meet up with them at the clinic.”
“But some soldiers back inside the mansion destroyed the clinic…didn’t you see?”
“Yes, I did.”
“So where are we going?”
“At the other clinic.”
“There is?”
“Hush, child.”
The man looked at both his sides and started moving, carrying the sweet little cherub with him,
“Gilfred, where’s Serena?”
“She’ll be with us soon—and don’t call her by her other name, call him Angelo from now on.”
“How soon?” the little boy ignored Gilfred’s lecture, insisting his question,
“Stop asking so many question, kiddo.”
“Gilfred…” the child moaned,
“What?”
“Don’t leave me, okay?”
The tall dark man was about to say something in return to reassure that the child that he was safe with him, but suddenly, several gunshots rang into the air.
The little boy gasped in terror while his bodyguard carried him further from danger.
“Gilfred, they’re right here!”
“Don’t be so noisy.”
They stayed low behind the huge tall bushes.
But someone seemed to have noticed them.
“I found them!” One of the soldiers shouted.
Gilfred was rapidly filled with urgency and panic. A soldier must’ve heard them.

Gilfred ran across the road, and soon enough, he himself was firing his own gun.
“Gilfred, stop that! You’ll hurt somebody!”
“There’s no other way to protect you!” Gilfred reasoned and like a professional hitman, Gilfed got three soldiers down.
They ran passed the bridge but someone caught up with them.
A single shot rose into the air and it got Gilfred by the right shoulder.
“Gilfred!” the child cried.
Gilfred cringed in pain, but he tried to be strong for the child.
He ran as fast as he can, carrying the child close to him.
“Gilfred…b-blood is oozing out of your…sh-shirt…s-stop running…” the child pleaded.

Gilfred could hear several running footsteps right behind them.

And again, Gilfred got shot, but this time, it went on the torso.
Gilfred winced in agony and slowly dropped the child unto the ground.
“Gilfred, let me help you…” the little boy cried softly while he tried to mend his protector’s injury.
Gilfred ignored the child’s plead and looked behind them. They were going to be safe for the next few minutes behind this wall, but he knew that they would be found soon.
“Gilfred…y-your loosing t-too much b-blood…” the child sobbed endlessly, and Gilfred just had to think of something.
Gilfred looked ahead and remembered the passages.
“Go inside that tunnel,” Gilfred instructed hoarsely, taking a deep breath and continued, “when you get out of it, go straight and don’t look back. You’ll see a man in blue standing near a lamplight. Go to him and he will help you—”
“I won’t leave you alone!”
“Go!” Gilfred boomed, staring at the child.
He couldn’t move anymore and he was going to slow the both of them down. The child can run fast, so he assumed that he could make it on his own.
There was not other way.

“Gilfred, please!”
“Shuichi,” Gilfred began, holding the little boy’s shoulders, “I promise you, I’ll meet you there—”
“But Gilfred—”
“Please!” Gilfred exclaimed and winced again in pain. He could see that the child was terribly scared for the both of them.
But it was better off that he died.
Instead of her.

Or rather, him.

“Your sis—brothers will be there as well… Sere—Angelo will be coming soon…he’s a big boy…but you’re not…don’t be naughty now and do as I say.”
Sakura hiccuped and nodded in understanding.
Gilfred was specifically told that he should no longer refer to the Tokigawa children as sisters, but brothers. Even their names were changed.
Akano Tokigawa firmly said that they couldn’t risk of getting caught.
“Now go!” Gilfred cried.

Little Shuichi went to his feet and started running.
Gilfred blocked the soldiers for him.

Shuichi couldn’t think straight. All Shuichi could think of was running.

Inside the tunnel…never look back … a man in blue…beside the lamplight…waiting for me…
Shuichi chanted the words over and over again inside of his mind.

He got into the street where Gilfred said that he should go straight.
But suddenly, Shuichi heard several gunshots exploding into the air.
He heard a man cry, and that voice seemed to be so familiar.

“G…I…L…F…R…E…D!!!” Shuichi turned around and screamed his protector’s name,

Unaware of his surroundings, he was standing at the middle of a street.

Shuichi saw a bright light at the corner of his eye,
When he turned around, a horn sounded off.
Shuichi’s violet orbs narrowed, he opened his mouth, screaming, and holding his arms across his face to protect himself.

A loud screech went off into the air.
The driver went out of his car and saw a little boy lying on the ground, his head continuously bleeding.
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“Mr. Shindou Shuichi?”
Shuichi snapped back to reality when Serena Tokigawa called out his name,
“Are you alright?”
Shuichi looked at Serena, and looked back again at the guard.
He smiled widely at her and went back inside the limousine.

“Shall we go in?” Serena asked.

Shuichi swallowed down his confusion and simply nodded.

Inside the apartment, Shuichi prepared some coffee for his unexpected visitors.
He noticed how tensed Seige was by the way he paced back and forth. Serena Tokigawa on the other hand was more relaxed than ever as she sat on a couch next to a small table.
“Here.” Shuichi offered, placing the tray that had three mugs of coffee on it.

Shuichi didn’t dare try to look at Serena in the eye. He was too mad and too confused to do that.
And Seige noticed his reactions.

“I suppose you know why we’re here.” Seige began, sounding irritated and frightful.
Shuichi’s forehead formed a deep furrow. His gaze went off from Serena to Seige,
“You tell me,” Shuichi shot back sarcastically, thinking how unfair Seige was, “I wake up at the middle of the night and see two unexpected people, and I, a hospitable person, welcomed you in without getting mad.”
Shuichi glanced away from the both of them while he sat on a chair with his arms folded across his chest.
Seige raked his hair with his fingers and stared at Serena,
“Now what?” Seige demanded.
Serena, like an innocent person, stared at him blankly,
“I’m not the one in this relationship. You guys talk this out.” She plainly said.
Shuichi faced Serena with such an accusing look,
“Then what the hell are you doing here?” Shuichi asked, standing up from his seat.

Serena didn’t budge. She exhaled deeply and took a mug from the tray and sipped her coffee slowly.
“I’m just here to clear things out if ever it gets messy.”
“Well it is already ‘messy’, you’re gonna make it worse.” Shuichi snapped.
Serena smiled softly and rose from the couch,
“Very well. I’ll leave the two of you alone.” She finished and started to walk away.
“Wait.” Seige called out, “Stay. We have a lot to talk about.”
“Seige,” Shuichi started in protest, “what are you do—”
“Sit.” Seige ordered fiercely, staring hard at Shuichi.
Serena sighed, not believing she’s caught up in this chaos.
She went back to the sofa, and like Shuichi, she sat quietly while drinking her coffee.
Seige took a chair from the dining area and placed it a bit far from Shuichi.
“Let’s get everything cleared, shall we?” Seige offered,
Serena, with a smile tugging at the edge of her lips, just raised a brow and held her mug up, mimicking a toast.
“I don’t like this conversation at all.” Shuichi whispered and tried to move away.
“Shuichi, are you a woman?”
The question went out like lighting, striking Shuichi into a stunt position,
“What?”
“I’m asking if you’re a woman.”
Shuichi turned around to look at Serena and Serena shook her head, as if disapproving Seige’s stupid question.
“Seige,” Serena began, interfering them, “don’t you think you’re starting it all wrong?”
“I’ll start this talk whatever the way I want it!” he exclaimed.
“I don’t know what you two are up to, but I’m out of it.” Shuichi persisted and rose up,
“Sakura, darling, sit down.” Serena said and stood up and faced Seige, “let me handle this talk instead.”
Shuichi wanted to protest from being called by that name, but it seems that deep inside, he refused to.
Which was all the more confusing.
“Sakura, now that you know you are truly a part of the Tokigawa family, I must inform you that you were, and still are, betrothed to a man—even before you were born.” She said.
Shuichi’s eyes narrowed. His jaw dropped and stared intently at Serena,
“You see, our mother and father wanted to ensure your future by binding you with a man who came from a powerful family as well.” She explained, her eyes beginning to glisten with triumph, “and that family…is the Mushimoto family.”
Shuichi gasped out loud and knocked the chair over when he stood up.
He glanced quickly at Seige and saw his confusion as well.
“Serena,” Shuichi began forcefully, “I don’t know where you’re getting at, but Seige and I are not enthralled. Ever since you approached me that night and told me all that crap about my past, I never had a peace of mind.” He shared, “if you’re going to continue torturing me, then at least leave the people around me alone.” He demanded, “whatever have I done to deserve this?” he asked, almost tearfully, the pain and the confusion of his whole situation washing through him again like a tidal wave.

Serena’s easy, carefree façade suddenly slipped away and turned into something soft and sorry.
“Sakura, I know this is too hard for you to accept…I know I can never replace all the years that had gone by…but that’s why I’m here again—that’s why we, your sisters, are here again—”
“If you’re truly my family, why did you leave me alone?!” he cried, painfully remembering the days of his sadness and discomfort because of the family he never knew.
“We didn’t!” Serena reasoned, “We thought we lost you—w-we thought you died! Can’t you remember that night? We were all supposed to meet up at the other clinic, the one the military couldn’t locate.” She said, “The man in the blue suit—didn’t you see him? What happened?” she said, this time, demanding an answer herself.
Serena held her head and felt dizzy. The antagonizing memories were flooding back again. The questions that used to fill her head were coming back.
Questions that could be answered now.
“You have no idea…what I’ve been through…how could you be so selfish? Didn’t you ever think that your real family was worrying after you? Didn’t you ever realize that we spent almost all our lives…just to find you?” she asked.

Seige looked at Serena and Shuichi. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just interfere. Sadly, he could only sit there and watch.

“They said you were gone…they said the soldiers killed you…even Gilfred didn’t know… do you know that up to now, I still blame that man for your disappearance?” she said, “for years, every time I see his face, all I could think of was his failure from protecting you…”

Shuichi felt silent. His hands rolled into fists. What she’s saying wasn’t true.

“You’re wrong!” Shuichi started. He knew that if he said these next words, he will finally admit to the fact that he truly is a Tokigawa.
And for the first time, he really felt like one.
“Gilfred protected me with all his life!” he stomped. He was breathing heavily, and tears started pouring down from his eyes, “You didn’t know how he tried so hard to save me…” he whispered in an aching tone, “How he tried to block away all the bullets that came after us! How he tried to surpass the pain raging from his right shoulder,” Shuichi said, pounding his shoulder, remembering the horrible picture of his protector that night when he got shot twice,
“How he tried to carry me even though he got shot on the torso…How he tried to protect me…even though he was bleeding to death…” Shuichi finished, seeing the pictures in his head. Like a segment in a movie, he watched his past uncovering before him like a black dream
“Didn’t you know…that he died because he blocked away the guards who were trying to kill me?”
Serena’s eyes grew big and watered amply. Her own tears trailing down her soft pale cheeks,
“Shuichi,” she started, “you can remember?”
The question meant a lot.
Shuichi knew, like what he thought a while ago before he made his outburst, that if he begins to tell about his past, it only proves that everything Serena said were all true.
Everything she insists…are facts.
Shuichi tried to ignore the question by moving slowly away,
“You remember don’t you?!” Serena exclaimed the question, looking at Shuichi’s back,
“I knew it! I knew it!” Serena cried happily, “you knew you started remembering ever since you were confided in the hospital…I never stopped believing—”
“That doesn’t mean anything, Ms. Tokigawa.” Shuichi bit out icily, turning around to face Serena.
“I still refuse to believe that I am Sakura.”
“But why?!” Serena demanded,
“Because!” Shuichi boomed, uncertain what he should say next.
He knew that Serena have been thinking about Yuki Eiri. He already felt that she was going to mention him as the answer to his doubts.
But it wasn’t only that. Yuki Eiri was a big part of it, yes that’s true.
But there were other reasons.
Reasons that were just as important. People who were involved.
Not just the band, not just the family that Shuichi grew to love, not just the friends and acquaintances, and definitely not just the fans.
The most important and most basic reason of all…
The only reason why Shuichi hesitated to accept the damning truth.

“Because…I am and will always be…Shindou Shuichi.”

And that was that. Nothing else.

There was a stark, luminous odd silence that gathered between Serena Tokigawa and Shindou Shuichi as Shuichi himself revealed the startling, but inevitable, truth.

Serena knew somehow that he was going to bring that up. And even if that truth can be enough of a reason for her and the rest of the Tokigawa sisters to leave Japan and never to bother him again, she always had a few tricks left in her sleeves.

“Do you honestly believe that Gilfred is dead?” Serena asked sternly, walking slowly around Shuichi, like a lioness trapping her prey.
“W-What do you mean?” Shuichi asked, half-surprised and half-relieved. If whatever she’s saying is true, then there is a reason to be a happy, but then again…
Why would she bring this up?
“You told me a while ago…how much he defended you that night…why do you think he’s dead?” she asked, almost enjoying this moment,
“Because… b-because I heard…I heard him scream…and the gunshots… I was so sure…”
“Gilfred,” Serena spoke, smiling and widely and holding a small gadget on her palm and spoke against it, “I need your presence right now. Someone wants to say hi.”
Gilfred, who was at the other end of the line, was smiling broadly as well a replied with much dignity, “On my way, Madame.”

Shuichi stood speechless on his ground, not moving an inch.

Then…the man…from the limousine…is…is…

“Madame, you called?” Gilfred Ashtar presented himself promptly in front of everyone, seeing the commotion displayed dramatically in front of him.

Shuichi looked at the man who he thought was long dead. He was there. Right there. Standing a few feet away from him.
And very much alive.
Shuichi gazed at this man. Gazing softly at him, as if time and space had lost contact with him, and that everything seemed to stop and that the one person who cold lure him back to the past was right here, beside him.

Gilfred looked at Sakura, the child he had failed to protect and felt as if his presence was overly unacceptable.
And since there was nothing left to say, he said what he thought that might be best for this very anomalous situation,
“You didn’t change a bit, Sakura. As pretty as always.”
With such a statement, a trigger was somehow pulled inside Shuichi’s body that hurled him into finding the sweet comfort of his past. Realizing that not everything he lost was awful.
“Gilfred!” Shuichi cried out, running into the arms of his old bodyguard who had always been there for him even at the close closeness of death.
Gilfed was stunt on the other hand, but when the boy came running towards him, a sudden emotion rage in him that caught him senseless and thriving with drama.
He opened his arms and accepted the boy like he was a father to him. He embraced him with no hesitation and as if all the love in the universe belonged with such a strong touch.

Serena looked away and sighed as if everything was too damning to be true. If only she could reach out and stop the hands of time, she would have done so a long time ago to make this family happy forever.

The reunion of the protector and protected tugged a sweet sensation inside Seige Mushimoto’s chest. He guessed it wasn’t really that bad to be a part of the Tokigawa family.
And all his life, he kept on judging that the family was cursed with hatred and despair, when he was the one who was cursed with it.
He blamed Serena for everything that he lost.
Because it was Tokia who was everything to him.
And loosing her meant loosing everything.

But things changed. Probably for the better. Because now, not only has he moved on, he also found a new beginning.
A promise where he knew that love can still exist.
A promise that was shared between two lost people who were trying to find a cure for their broken hearts.

If Seige was to think and ramify the whole condition right now, then Serena was correct on the very first place.
Like what she said, no one looses in this game.
Everyone wins.
And she was right.
Because not only Sakura was found, but Seige gets to keep Shindou Shuichi as well.
The only remaining problem would be…

“We’re running out of time, Sakura.” Serena started walking forward, “you’re death is near and I believe you haven’t decided as to what should be done about your body.” She explained, “besides that, there’s still the matter pertaining to your marriage with Seige Mushimoto. I know that there’s something going on between Shindou Shuichi and Seige,” she spoke so confidently as if Shuichi wasn’t himself, as if he was really Sakura, “but do you think Shuichi can accept both Sakura Tokigawa and Seige Mushimoto? I know everything’s going to fast lately, but there’s no other way. Time moves ahead and that’s inevitable. We’re only trying to catch up and we can’t pretend as if we have all the time in the world.” She strongly added.

Shuichi looked at Gilfred who was smiling gently at him. Whatever happened now only proves that at least a part of him was willing to become Sakura Tokigawa again. After all, he was born as Sakura Tokigawa, only, he lived as Shindou Shuichi.
How can he play two roles in one body?
This was too much.
But then again, he had no choice. And it’s not as if his only choice was bad.
“Sakura,” Gilfred spoke, “I know…this is too hard for you…I understand …that Serena,” he said, looking up at the eldest sister, “is becoming too complicated for you to comply… but you have to understand…you have to submit…it’s not easy, I know, because you have lived as a different person all your life. You never knew who you really are, but at least you found an identity where you knew that you can survive. You found Shiundou Shuichi. But Shindou Shuichi can never replace Sakura Tokigawa. Because Sakura will always be Sakura, and Shuichi…is forever a mask. You don’t want to wear a mask forever, do you?”
Shuichi didn’t want to accept the truth, but he slowly nodded in a peculiar forced understanding.
“If I…choose to be Sakura” Shuichi began, “then that means…I’d have to leave everything that made me who I am today…”
“Yes.” Gilfred replied with a pity he couldn’t hide.
“I’d have to leave…BAD LUCK…”
“Yes.”
“My…family…”
“Yes.”
“My…fans…”
“Yes…”
“My…name…”
“…yes.”
“And…and…”
“Yes, him…”

Sirge’s head snapped up and finally understood what was really holding Shuichi back. Could it be that at the very back of his head, his very reason for not leaving Japan was not because of Shindou Shuichi but because…
Because of Yuki Eiri?

“Do you believe I can make you happy?” Seige began in a hoarse tone.
Shuichi didn’t want to face change, thinking that it might cause him to cry all the more.
He didn’t reply, he just looked away and buried his face in a shadow,
“Shuichi, this is not just about the Tokigawa family, nor just about Sakura. This is also about you and me…” he broke off, and continued in a firm voice,
“I want to start over, but I won’t continue this relationship with Shindou Shuichi any longer.”
Serena, Gilfred and Shuichi looked as Seige as if he had lost his mind.
And in an instant, with Seige’s following words, it became a blow to everyone. A benefit to someone and a harsh realization to the other.
“I want Sakura Tokigawa. If I can’t and will never have Shindou Shuichi, then I would love to have Sakura Tokigawa.”
Shuichi was too overwhelmed to speak any further. This night had been too exhausting. And hearing those words made his position harder than it already was.
Shuichi came away from Gilfred and stood on his feet with all the strength he had.
He looked at Seige and felt that this was the only way.
“If Yuki Eiri holds Shindou Shuichi’s heart,” Seige began, starting forward to Shuichi, “then I know I could never have him…but if Sakura Tokigawa comes alive… then I might have a chance…to have hers instead.”
Seige held Shuichi shoulders and quickl bent down to give him a strong passionate kiss.
Serena and Gilfred felt too embarrassed to be there at this very moment, but the circumstances wouldn’t allow it.
Shuichi on the other hand was too much confused inside.
The ultimatum of his fate when it comes to having lovers was this.
Shindou Shuichi is for Yuki Eiri.
But Sakura Tokigawa…that can be a different thing.

And since all things had failed between him and Yuki Eiri…why else should he continue torturing himself if Sakura can take Shindou Shuichi’s place and have Seige Mushimoto instead?

Will I…agree to this?

Yuki… is this really the fate of our lives?

Should I just accept and be happy with a different person?

How about you? What about you? What about us?

Is there still an ‘us’?

What now?

Tell me, Yuki…I’m so confused…so scared…hold me, please…


Seige Mushimoto was the first one to leave Shuichi’s apartment. As soon as he ended his kiss with Shuichi, he left without saying anything, not even goodbye.
Serena Tokigawa and Gilfred Ashtar on the other hand was still there, waiting for Shuichi’s answer.

Serena sighed wearily, like what she had been doing since the moment she stepped into the apartment, as if sighing was the only way to release all her frustration and exhaustion in this whole predicament.
“We won’t force you any longer…although God knows how much convincing I should still make to make you see reality…” she said, taking her bag from the couch and moving towards the door,
“I’ll give you one month to think about this. I think that’s enough time for you to say all your goodbyes to your friends…if you need help with your departure from the band, just call me and we’ll think about an excuse. You can tell the truth to a few trusted people so they may understand. I don’t know—what the hell—that’s up to you. Just don’t tell the truth to the media. If the media finds out, the whole world will, and your life and identity will be in jeopardy much, much more.” She explained, “If you want, I’ll handle the media. I can make something up to let them know you have to retire as soon as possible. BAD LUCK will understand. They have to. It’s not like they have a choice. Sad to say but, you don’t even have a choice.”
It wasn’t something said out of sarcasm, Serena said it out of direct bluntness. She didn’t pity him because she knew that this wasn’t the end.
It might be the end for Shindou Shuichi…
But not for Sakura Tokigawa.
Only the beginning…
But only for her.


“Just one month, Shindou Shuichi. And whether you like it or not, by the end of the month, Shindou Shuichi will have to say goodbye and make way to Sakura Tokigawa. Whatever you’ll try and whatever you’ll do as Shindou Shuichi will disappear so if I were you, be smart about the short span of time you have left and be wise instead of doing something…unacceptable.”
Shuichi looked at Serena who didn’t look like she was ready to fight again, but rather, ready to rest.
“I’m tired. Shuichi. And not just physically, but emotionally as well. If you think I’m happy about all these, think again.” She said and twisted the doorknob around,
“Get some sleep. I know you’re tired too.” She ended and opened the door and walked away with her custom made Gucci shoes clicking softly against the pavements.
Gilfred followed Serena, but before he could leave Shuichi’s apartment, Shuichi got hold of his coat,
“What is it?” he asked.
Shuichi looked at him in the eyes and asked,
“What did she mean by ‘doing something unacceptable’?”
Gilfred didn’t answer his question. Rather, he planted a gentle kiss on Shuichi’s forehead and said,
“You know I don’t have to answer that,” he whispered against his fragrant pink mane, “… and we both know what she meant.”
Gilfred turned away, but Shuichi still reached out,
“But…”
Shuichi watched Gilfred walk away, following Serena’s footsteps and retiring back into the limousine.
Shuichi went outside and watched the limo drove away. And like it was unlocked, he felt his knees trembling, giving way and his eyes watering once again.
He held his hands close to his heart and closed his eyes, slowly lowering himself to the ground and feeling the soft and cold teardrops falling from the sky.
A bitter contradiction to his own hot tears.

Shuichi went back to his apartment and closed the door. He was too dumfounded to fall asleep
With his clothing dripping with water, and his hair clinging limply across his handsome pale face, Shuichi numbly walked towards the kitchen where a cake he received just a few minutes ago came in on his doorstep without warning. At the middle of a small table, a strawberry cake sat still which came from the person Shuichi had been thinking of.

Shuichi gently lifted the cake up and took off the note that was hanging from the bottom. He slowly peeled away the cigarette along with it and held it between his soft crinkled fingers.

Shuichi started towards his stove and opened it, watching the fire blaze in a perfect circle.
And then the unthinkable happened.


For the first time in his life, Shindou Shuichi was smoking.

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*Author’s notes:

La-li-ho, everybody! Are you guys liking the story so far? I hope you are! I’ll update as soon as possible—keep on sending those reviews!


By the way, when you read the beginning of this chapter, I’m sure you were startled/surprised/unable to decipher the meaning of the Japanese words.

I’d like to introduce to everybody a friend of mine that I collaborated with to help me translate the song into Japanese.
The penname of this person is kaiplue_ishtar. Kaiplue_ishtar is actually a part of the ff.net family as well. Although kaiplue_ishtar hasn’t submitted any stories yet, (or maybe kaiplue_ishtar had but deleted it) kaiplue_ishtar will still be submitting something soon, because I will be working with her but it will be submitted in a different category.

If I may, I’d like to advertise the fiction kaiplue_ishtar and I collaborated in. The comic/anime inspired from is called ‘Love Mode’. The plot is quite long, but we’ll explain it at the introduction of our fic. (It’s Yaoi too by the way)

My reviewers, I am telling you, kaiplue_ishtar is a good writer. She’s superb with details and I believe that if our powers are combined, it will produce a magnificent fanfiction. Nyahahahaha!-(evil laugh)

I hope you will also read this fic of ours as soon as we post it—(Yes, we have started it!) Don’t forget, the title of the original story is called ‘Love Mode’. I’m not sure if we’ll open up a new category under ‘Anime’ or if we’ll put it under ‘Miscellaneous’
But either way, the title of our fic is ‘Four Men’.

I hope as well that you will support ‘Four Men’ as you have supported ‘Shuichi’s Past’.
Thank you so much for your endless comments and wonderful outbursts. ^-^
I hope again for more of this soon.

One last thing…

I’d like to share to everybody the English translation of the chorus Shuichi sang at the first part of this chapter. I know I put the translations before I begin the chapter, but I wanted to show this at the end,

Here goes…

“And even if the stars fall down from the sky
And even if the dark clouds block all the light
The sun will still come out, my darling,
The world will keep on turning,
And my love will see you through…”

There you have it! ^-^ I hope you liked that. (So short, I know^-^) It’s only a segment though. (It’s the chorus) The whole song is actually finished—even the Japanese translation is already finished. It will come out at one particular important chapter that is about to come in the near future. (Hehe ^-^ I’m such a teaser!) So you better stick around to see the whole song itself—plus the translation. ^-^

*For those who can understand Japanese and are startled by the translation, kaiplue_ishtar did not translate the song ‘as is’ since the Japanese grammar and vocabulary is very different from the English.

But anyway, I’d like to remind everybody again:

I long for your wonderful reviews! ^-^

Spinx