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Fever Dreams	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2733 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
CHAPTER 19
The words echoed inside Light's skull. 'I'm about to prove you have a hallucination.'
L had said it, and it had to be a bluff, right?
No, there's no possible way L could prove that. I've been extremely careful. Sure, Rem has been jumpy and sometimes I've had to look at her to get crucial points across, but I didn't do it very often and it was usually subtle. Even though it was noticed sometimes, there's no way to prove something like that.
Light said, "Go ahead, Ryuzaki. I don't have any hallucinations."
L said, "I thought you'd say that," and his fingers danced busily over the keys, bringing up multiple views of a three-dimensional wire-frame diagram on the big overhead monitors.
As L caused the diagram to rotate, Light realized what it was. The investigation headquarters. L hit a few more keys and a number of red ribbons and blue ribbons were added, snaking through the rooms and hallways. Then the ribbons were overlain by black dots that almost entirely obscured them.
L said, "This is a visual representation for just one day, but I have data for many days. The large panels of cameras I had installed do not just perform facial recognition calculations to erase everyone's face except Light's from the videos. They also are very precisely calibrated to measure every aspect of a person's eyes, including pupil size, angle and direction."
Oh shit! Does he mean... no, I must stay calm no matter what happens. Everyone's life depends on it.
L continued, "These are identical to the cameras used to allow quadriplegics to type out messages by focusing their eyes on various letters placed on a wall. The red shows everywhere Light focused his eyes during that day. The blue shows where everyone else focused their eyes. The black dots represent positions of people or objects. As you can see from this visual representation of the data, Light spends a little time focusing his eyes on something that isn't there. Nobody else does this."
Ryuk started laughing.
Rem said, "Light Yagami, this is not according to your plan, is it? Do not fail me."
Light said, "Ryuzaki, I'm not frightened at all. You haven't shocked me."
L looked back over his shoulder and said, "I would guess you are talking to your hallucination right now, but pretending to talk to me in order to conceal your true intentions."
Light could feel his heart beating fast, his palms sweating. He willed his face to be completely blank.
Several charts and graphs popped up on some of the monitors.
L said, "As you can see, it isn't a one-day fluke. This pattern persists across multiple days, for all the time that the new cameras have been installed. Not only is Light's pattern different from every other person who works here, Light's pattern is also different from test subjects at a number of offices where I had the same devices installed."
With a few more keystrokes, L had placed even more data on the screens.
L said, "However, as we can see here, Light's pattern is a close match to these patients from a mental hospital, who hallucinate. Patients at the same hospital who do not hallucinate do not match. Taking everything into account, there is a ninety-nine percent probability that Light sees something that only he can see. There are even times when there seems to be more than one such hallucination bothering Light at the same time. Since Higuchi hallucinated as well, we can make strong arguments that Light is Kira."
Ryuk said, "Light, he's figuring everything out. I'm impressed."
Light said, "All this proves is that I spend more time staring off into space or looking at the wall than most people. I'm the top-scoring student in Japan. Of course my mental habits are not ordinary. Many geniuses have quirks. You should know that, Ryuzaki."
L swiveled his chair back around to face the rest of the room. He said, "There is more. We were able to find two witnesses who saw a flying box leaving the area Misa had indicated. We were too late to catch up to the box, but it does seem as if it could only be physical evidence. Incidentally, Light, it was the way you handled Misa that caused us to be late."
"Ryuzaki, I was just following your plan. If you didn't want me to act that way, you should have explained a different plan."
L said, "And your cellphone was conveniently switched off."
Light replied, "That was an accident. Besides, you could have called Misa's phone at any time to instruct me, and you eventually did."
L was curled in on himself even worse than usual, his back formed almost into a jutting hump, his long, slender hands locked around his knees, clutching hard.
The room felt particularly silent. It wasn't just the lack of sound; it was a crawling tension building in the air.
Doesn't anyone else have something to say about this? Usually they have comments.
Light glanced around and saw only grim faces.
Dad, even you are having serious doubts. What else has L found? How did he turn you against me? There must be more than just this "hallucination" evidence. People have arranged themselves in the room so that some are behind me, no matter which direction I face. Are they planning to draw guns on me if I do anything?
Light wanted to run away as fast as he could, to scream, to tell everyone what idiots they had been, that they should have just left things alone and it would have been fine. Instead he bit down on his tongue to give himself a dose of pain, some reality to ground him. It was time to think, and think hard. Panic would mean defeat. Therefore, it simply wouldn't be allowed to happen.
L was already typing at the keyboard again, bringing up multiple views of what looked like an archaeological dig. Most of a hillside had been stripped down, turned into many rows of little trenches where workers dug with tiny implements and brushes. Little numbered flags were everywhere, with boundaries of bright surveyors' twine strung between them. It took a few moments to recognize it as the once-forested area where the death note had originally been buried, and that much was only possible because of some distinctive rock formations.
I can talk my way out of this. I know I can. If I can't, Rem will kill us all, or perhaps she will force me to escape and run away with Misa. I would spend the rest of my short life in hiding, trying to protect Misa.
L said, "Light, we also have found evidence that ties both you and Misa to the location Misa described. In your case, we found fibers that match the clothing you were wearing on the night of November fifth embedded in the soil very near to the exact place where Misa said to dig. We also found fibers from clothing that is in Misa's closet and two of her hairs, plus broken flakes that match Misa's favorite nail polish, all embedded in the soil. Both of you were on that scene, though not necessarily at the same time, and it is most likely that both of you were digging. On November fifth, your clothing was muddy enough that you had your mother wash it, Light. She remembered that."
Rem said, "Light! Do something."
Light said, "Ryuzaki, all of us have been attacked by Kira and we all have holes in our memories. I am pleased that you have managed so much progress toward solving these mysteries. But just because I don't remember something I did, that doesn't mean I'm Kira. If you're going to accuse everyone with missing memories, you could just as easily say that Matsuda is Kira."
Calm down, Rem. This is bad, but the only thing it really means is that L will spend a longer time keeping Misa and myself under surveillance. The case will eventually stall anyway. Without obtaining the death note and without any more judgments of criminals, L will never get enough evidence.
L then brought up something on a monitor, and Light didn't recognize it at first. It was just a pale blob of some kind with delicate furrows in it. The camera zoomed out and it resolved as tooth-marks on a weird-looking shriveled apple, green and unappetizing. Then the camera zoomed around the apple to show a jagged chunk missing from the opposite side.
Ryuk said, "Wow! L finds everything. I never thought that would matter."
Rem said, "No! Ryuk, you should not have done that!"
What is this? Did Ryuk eat an apple when he moved the death note?
L said, "This apple has two bites taken out of it. One bite perfectly matches an impression we took of Misa's teeth. The other bite does not match anything known, but is closest to shark teeth. The apple is not from this world."
The shinigami realm has apples?
L continued, "This is proven conclusively because of three facts. This apple does not rot. When an unrotting object such as a rock or bottle is placed on the ground in a forest, then with enough time bugs begin living underneath it. Also, any vegetation it is placed on dies. Underneath the apple, the condition of the insect colony and the exact stage of rotting of the three dead blades of grass indicates this apple had been sitting on the ground since late October or early November."
Stupid, stupid Misa. How could she leave evidence like that sitting right at a scene? If it weren't for Misa and Rem both being such idiots, all these problems could have been solved a long time ago.
L said, "Not only did it fail to rot, but nothing ate it during that time. Insects and bacteria all leave it alone. Furthermore, genetic analysis shows the DNA of this apple to be extremely distant from the DNA of any earthly apple. The genetic distance is comparable to the difference between humans and earthworms. Additionally, delicate granules of minerals have formed inside the apple, intertwined with its flesh in a way that should not be possible. These are minerals such as olivine, which only forms under extremely high pressures deep within the earth. These are pressures that would destroy any apple. In other words, even if someone wanted to create a fake apple like this, there would be no way to do so. This is genuinely an object from another world. The first time Kira controlled criminals, it was to send a message about apples."
Light said, "Ryuzaki, I'm impressed as always. What theory do you have about this?"
"I have a number of theories. Perhaps Kira's power passes from person to person by sharing an apple with a shinigami. Other theories I would like to keep private for now, but most of them involve you being Kira and Misa being the second Kira."
Rem's head was drooping, her skeletal shoulders hunched. She looked like a kicked puppy. She said, "L says he has a trap set if he dies, but perhaps he is bluffing, or perhaps you can think your way out of that trap. If I kill Watari and L, you will be forced to kill the rest to protect yourself, and then you will be forced to find L's trap and defuse it, which will save Misa too. If I act now, they will certainly shoot you. There are too many of them. Light, if you hide behind L they should hesitate to shoot through him. While they are distracted, I will take away and destroy all their guns."
I should have known Rem couldn't endure this much. Well, I've calculated for this too. It is time for the backup plan.
Light turned, looked directly at Rem and said, "Don't do it. I won't cooperate with you any longer if you do. If you don't do it, I promise there won't be any harm to you, and I can prove I'm right. No one will ever harm you."
During Light's speech, guns were quickly drawn all around the room, and both Aiber and Wedy had somehow slipped out of sight when Light hadn't been looking in their direction.
Light breathed carefully, calmly, trying to pretend his heart wasn't beating very fast. In a slow, easy motion, so as not to provoke anyone into shooting, he dropped to his knees facing Rem, being sure to keep his hands spread and in sight, showing clearly that he wasn't doing anything, that he had no weapon.
Light could hear breathing in the unnatural stillness of the room, ranging from Matsuda's anxious panting to L's single hissing intake of breath followed by silence.
Rem said, "I do not understand what you are doing, Light Yagami."
Light carefully glanced around to everyone, noting even his own father was holding a gun, though it was not actually raised to point at him. Surprisingly, Matsuda was the one who looked the most determined and brave. Aizawa had beads of sweat running down his forehead, and Mogi seemed almost as emotionless as usual, a stoic facade. L's eyes were like deep black pools, as unreadable as they'd ever been, but his hands were clutching his knees so hard the fingers had gone white.
I have to keep these idiots from overreacting too.
Light said, "If I were Kira, at least some of you would already be dead, and if I were unable to kill every last member of the task force then I would have disappeared into hiding a long time before this. If I were Kira, do you really think I'd allow myself to be captured this completely? I'm too intelligent for that. Of course I'm not Kira."
Aizawa stammered, "Perhaps you're a fool for love. You stayed, thinking you could win Ryuzaki to your side."
In a flat tone completely devoid of emotion, L said, "That is not so. Light knew exactly what he was doing when he seduced me, and I doubt it has affected his decisions."
Hopefully, Rem can translate what I say into what I truly mean. Even if she can't at first, she should catch on soon.
Light composed himself and turned to face Rem once again, saying, "You know that you're trapped. You'll never get what you want the most, but I can't act against you any further than I already have, and L will never catch you. You need to be satisfied with the way things are now. You can only push me so far. I will continue protecting the lives of my father and everyone else on the investigation team. You can't bully me into leaving you an opening to kill them. Do you understand?"
Rem said, "I am to play the part of Kira? Kira is an outside force controlling you?"
Light said, "Yes, sort of."
Ryuk laughed and said, "Oh, so it's going to be the 'devil made me do it' defense. Interesting. I wonder if they'll accept it? If they don't, you're completely screwed."
Light replied, "Not exactly."
L said, "We have succeeded in provoking Kira into action, though he pretends he isn't responsible for his crimes."
Before Rem could react, Light said, "And that's a further attempt at provocation. It won't work, because it's meaningless for my situation. I have nothing to fear from you, L. If you'd just think about things you'd realize that I'm protecting your life."
"Is that your way of claiming that you changed your mind about murdering me?"
"I never planned to murder you. Kira wants to murder you, not me."
L leaned forward in his chair and then in a surprisingly calm, quiet voice he said, "Who is Kira, Light? Is Kira a second personality living within your body, or is the 'Kira' label just a way of creating mental distance between yourself and your crimes, so you can feel less guilty?"
Light wanted to get up and punch L right in the face. It was all he could do to keep his hands loose in his lap instead of curled into fists.
Light said, "You always wanted me to be Kira. You just can't accept that you're wrong, can you? Is it because the great L has never lost a case and you can't deal with losing? You know, Kira has lost too, in a way. I've got Kira partly trapped. But I suppose that me finding Kira and saving your life in the process isn't good enough for you."
Soichiro's gun was drooping even more, and in a shaky voice he said, "Light, explain yourself. What is going on?"
This will be difficult even though it's already planned out. I can't give L much to work with, or he will eventually unravel my story and find the holes in it, yet I need to say enough that it seems logical that I'm simply a victim of the real Kira.
"Dad, I can't say much. I'm risking a lot just to tell everyone a little bit about the situation I've been in. I may have neutralized Kira enough to prevent the criminal deaths, but Kira could still retaliate. Kira has been threatening me for a long time. It is true that I've deliberately interfered with the investigation, but it was to save my life and the lives of everyone else here. I've always done as little to help Kira as I could get away with, and I've always worked against Kira as much as I could. If I had ever fully cooperated with Kira, you'd already be dead."
Dad wants to believe, but he's afraid. And the others, they are still doubtful and frightened, but they're beginning to get confused. I just need to push them a little further in the right direction, and then I can convince them so well that I'll look like a hero to everyone except L.
Soichiro said, "Light, tell us as much as you can."
Aizawa said, "Wait, I need to do something first."
Aizawa walked closer, his gun still held out in front of him, and nudged the barrel directly against the side of Light's head. The pressure of the cold metal was unsettling, a firm reminder of how close death was.
Aizawa said, "If anyone starts dying or acting like they're controlled, or if you do anything odd, you're dead. Start talking."
Light resisted the urge to flinch away from the gun and said, "When L got so sick on November fifth and I went out on my own, it was to act against Kira. That is why the killings stopped then and haven't resumed. I can't tell you what I did that night or what the situation is. If I started to tell you, even if Kira didn't retaliate, Kira would probably erase my memories so that I would suddenly not know what I was talking about. I am being watched at all times. I am hoping that the deaths never resume but I'm not sure if I've contained Kira adequately. I won't risk saying too much and angering Kira."
L said, "These hallucinations you talk to, were we able to see them in the past? Did we forget? How do we see them again?"
Light said, "There is no way for anyone else to see them, and I cannot say risk saying much about them."
"There are two shinigami, then?"
Light said, "Ryuzaki, I have a deduction for you to work on. You've always tended to suspect me of being Kira, because if I'm not Kira then there are too many odd coincidences that happened. However, consider the opposite scenario. If I were trying to look suspicious, then those coincidences aren't as meaningful any longer because they were engineered."
L said, "That is true, but it is a common tactic for criminals who are cornered to claim that someone else forced them to commit their crimes, such as trying to blame everything on an accomplice."
Light said, "I'm not done. There is also a rather strange coincidence I've never heard you discuss. What are the odds that Kira would turn out to be the son of the highest-ranking NPA officer on the Kira task force? Doesn't it seem more likely that Kira, being in Japan and knowing the NPA was going to act against Kira, would try to find an inside lead to the investigation? And that Kira found me?"
L paused, pressing a finger to his bottom lip delicately and rubbing slightly back and forth. He stared off into the distance and he eyes became less blank.
After remaining silent for a time as everyone else in the room seemed to be holding their breaths, L said, "It should be classified as an extremely unusual coincidence. However, some things are very difficult to judge correctly when looking back on them. There are plenty of people who, if they had become prime suspects, would have seemed extremely unlikely Kira suspects after the fact."
L paused and shuffled uncomfortably in his chair, his long toes flexing and then gripping the edge hard.
L continued, "It is also possible that the cause and effect relationship could be misinterpreted. Perhaps Kira started such a bold plan precisely because he felt confident that he would have a way of getting inside information from the NPA. Someone who was not related to a high-ranking NPA officer might not have thought of such a large-scale risky plan as killing off all the world's criminals. Also, Kira's profile does seem similar to a person raised in a police family. A very strong sense of justice, to go so far as Kira did, is extremely unusual. If Kira grew up hearing about criminals all the time, Kira would be more likely to want to rid the world of them."
Light tried not to think about the gun that was still pressed to his head and said, "I have another deduction for you to work on, Ryuzaki. If I'm Kira, then why is Misa still alive?"
L replied, "That is the most serious problem with my theory that you're Kira. I've always admitted that I do not understand this fact. If you're Kira, then Misa is almost certainly the second Kira, and it is difficult to think that Kira would leave someone so dangerous alive for so long. Kira would only do such a thing in response to threats, but you know Misa's name, and you don't fear angering her."
"You admit, then, that there are good reasons to think I'm not Kira?"
L craned his neck to look around the room and said, "It is possible that Light wishes for the entire case to stall until he can create an advantage that allows him to kill everyone who knows about him at the same time. Then he can resume being Kira after those threats have been eliminated. If Light is Kira, then Light is perfectly willing to do things that are illogical in order to decrease suspicion. That might be the reason why Misa Amane is alive."
Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, you're contradicting yourself. Earlier, you said that Kira couldn't wait things out, that Kira had no choice except to act soon. That's one of the reasons why we gave you a month to work this out."
L said, "That was before all this time went by, with Kira doing nothing. Kira should have acted by now. Since Kira did not act, I am doubting my earlier deduction. Either the attack on headquarters was a ploy to make us think Kira was so afraid of us that he would need to do something soon, or the situation has changed."
Matsuda said, "Or maybe, Kira did something and we just didn't notice it."
L said, "I sincerely hope that is not the case, Matsuda. If it is true, we'll probably die within days."
With his head kept still to avoid provoking Aizawa, Light couldn't see most of the facial expressions in the room, but the voices sounded susceptible. There was doubt evident in those tones, and every bit of doubt could easily be magnified. Soon, with just a little more talking, all those vulnerabilities could be properly exploited.
L said, "It could be Light's plan to use the sexual relationship to corrupt me and break me. Perhaps that is why he is waiting."
Watari said, "Ryuzaki, if you fear this, you should end the relationship."
"No," L said, "I must keep Light where I can see him. If Light is Kira, then the only fact we truly know about Kira's power is that it is possible to use it while under intense video surveillance without leaving any clue, yet Kira fears being watched in person. If someone less observant than myself were keeping track of Light, then Light might have killed us already."
Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, we told you when this first began that you can't keep Light on a chain forever without proof. If he is Kira, how will that chain protect us? You'll have to let him go at some point, and if he's Kira he'll kill us then, won't he?"
L said, "If Light is guilty, then he wants to keep an eye on me. He hopes to use me to defuse the trap I've set in case of my death. If Light is innocent, then he is so deeply infatuated with me that he doesn't mind being chained all the time. In either case, it seems Light is willing to be chained, so there are no legal concerns."
Light said, "Aizawa, it doesn't matter. I'll endure the chain for as long as it takes to prove my innocence."
It is time to conclude my argument, and from now on things will go exactly as planned.
Light said, "Ryuzaki, I want you to work on one more deduction, using everything you know about the Kira case. It must be clear by now that the only two possibilities are either that I'm Kira or that I've been a pawn of the real Kira. And, if I am Kira, then there are many things I've done that don't make sense, especially for someone as intelligent as I am."
Soichiro said, "Light, you understand it was wrong and illegal to interfere with the investigation, don't you?"
"Dad, of course I know that. I did the best I could. I didn't have much choice."
Soichiro said, "Light, you forget that all these men were willing to die to catch Kira. Myself, Ryuzaki, everyone. By doing what you've done, you let Kira escape and forced a choice on all of us. It would be better for some of us to die, or even all of us, if we could catch Kira in the process and be sure we've stopped this insanity forever."
Light said, "With the situation I'm in, I saw no way to catch Kira. If I'd allowed your deaths, it would have been for nothing. I can't explain enough to prove this, so you'll just have to believe me or not as you choose."
The room was silent for a time. Light couldn't turn his head to see everyone, but those he could see had their eyes on L. L was lost in thought, absorbed by his mannerisms. He was hunched up almost into a ball, and he leaned forward so far that his hair fell down into his face, almost completely hiding his eyes. He looked as if he were about to fall forward out of his chair. One long, spindly finger rubbed in little circles on the corner of his bottom lip.
Then, L's head snapped up and he looked ready to speak. His eyes were blazing.
"Light is correct," L said, "there are only two ways to resolve this. Either Light is Kira, or Light has been manipulated, either willingly or unwillingly, by the real Kira."
There were varied exclamations from the rest of the group.
"Is he really Kira?"
"Light couldn't be Kira."
"Light saved us, didn't he?"
"No, but even if he saved us, Light deliberately ruined the investigation. He can't be trusted anywhere near us."
"If we believe Light, it could be a trap."
"Will we die?"
"We need to ask Ryuzaki what to do next."
Light felt the pressure on his head disappear as Aizawa removed the gun. Light waited a few moments and then slowly stretched, getting the kink out of his neck and glancing around to take in the rest of the room. Only Aizawa and Mogi still had guns drawn.
The rest of the task force had all seemingly forgotten their previous mistrust of L. As a group, they were looking in L's direction with expressions on their faces that clearly showed they expected L to have the answer, to have some brilliant deduction to finally solve the case once and for all.
L said, "Let me think."
L was silent. His face had almost no expression, except maybe a hint of sadness. He looked withdrawn, as if he were mentally curling up on himself, retreating deep within.
Light waited, with a few nervous glances in Rem's direction. There was really only one conclusion L could come to after this, but L might be stubborn, he might need considerable convincing and arguing to get there. He wouldn't want to give up and admit things had reached an impossible stalemate. There was something in L that drove him to be absolutely sure of the truth, to support everything with unquestionable proof and sure steps of logic, to keep poking at evidence relentlessly until something new turned up.
After several minutes, L said, "With the available evidence, it is impossible to decide whether Light is Kira or a pawn of Kira. However, Light's actions do suggest that he is being threatened by a third party who is not Misa. Everything that has happened could be a careful act designed to give that impression, so that the real trap will catch us off guard as soon as we no longer suspect Light so much. Light's pride and intelligence would not allow him to be manipulated by a third party unless he was under a death threat and had no way of striking back at his blackmailer. This would indeed suggest a blackmailer who can spy on Light with supernatural means from a distance, just as Light has claimed. It would also suggest a blackmailer Light can't touch; either one he cannot discover the identity of or one who is invulnerable."
L paused and prodded his lower lip with one long, elegant finger. Then his gaze suddenly snapped to Light and he said, "Light, how did you stop Kira?"
"I can't say. I'm already risking a lot and I won't go any further."
In a dry, almost toneless voice, L said, "How convenient."
Light had the feeling that there was a seething anger beneath L's calm facade.
Aizawa said, "Why can't it be Misa who is controlling Light?"
Rem's head snapped up and she looked worried. Ryuk started laughing.
Light said, "Do you really think I'd let Misa threaten me into all this? Or that she'd let me dump her and treat her the way I did before I dumped her? As things are now, I'd simply turn her in if she were Kira. And, if I was Kira and she was the second Kira, then I would kill her. Misa doesn't have enough brains to threaten me into anything, regardless of the situation."
L said, "I agree. There are dozens of rather obvious reasons why Misa could not be the mastermind behind all of this. Misa would need a very powerful accomplice to threaten Light for her, an accomplice who was hidden or untouchable."
L gets so close to the truth, it's scary.
Light said, "Ryuzaki, you've only discussed what would be likely to be true if I were Kira. You haven't discussed the other side. It isn't fair."
"Yeah," Matsuda said, "I think Light saved us. He was very brave."
L said, "If Light is not Kira, then the situation is most likely the way he described it. There would still be some possibility that he is lying about how much he was coerced. He may have been a willing ally of Kira, either in the beginning or all the way through. But it is probably impossible to prove whether there was or wasn't coercion involved to force him to play his role."
Soichiro said, "What is the chance that Light isn't Kira? Do you have a percentage for us?"
L was still and very quiet. Then he looked at the floor and said, "I am biased. I am unable to evaluate the evidence correctly."
By saying he's biased, L just admitted he's in love with me. He may as well have said 'I love you Light' for everyone to hear. I've got him, and I've won. There's no more evidence to be uncovered, the case is still inconclusive, and now everyone thinks I probably saved their lives.
The entire room broke out into argumentative conversations, everyone talking at once, re-hashing every single point that had been brought up. Matsuda wandered over close to L and rather sheepishly asked to have a number of points explained to him, even some of the rather obvious ones. Light stayed silent, letting everyone work things out their own way, listening as the doubt grew bit by bit, listening to the subtle tones of admiration and gratitude.
Light looked directly at Rem. Misa's life was now completely secure, and it was difficult to carry the memories of having killed, knowing how badly the Kira plan had failed. All the most bothersome things that could be revealed had already been revealed, and the case was still irrevocably at a standstill. It was time to get rid of the only evidence that was left. Those memories needed to be gone, and with their loss Rem would be free to go get the death note, removing it from the human world forever.
"Rem, there is no purpose to these burdensome-"
Light's sentence was cut off as L's hand wrapped around his mouth, effectively gagging him.
L shouted, "Help me!"
In moments, Aizawa and Mogi had joined L, firmly cutting off Light's attempts to talk and pinning his arms to his sides so he couldn't struggle.
L said, "Light is trying to erase the remaining evidence. I'm sure memories are erased by talking, and only by the will of the person."
Mogi said, "We can't just gag him permanently. What should we do?"
Suddenly, L was looming close, his eyes a short distance from Light's own eyes, his nose almost touching. There was something frightening in L's face, and his eyes had a hard, dangerous look in their inky depths.
L said, "Light, there is one last threat I can make. If you erase your memories, it will seem as if you're helping Kira of your own free will. You can argue there are other reasons for it but I won't accept them. If you've been able to keep your memories for this long, then you can obviously thwart Kira's will in this one area. I will not let you destroy the only link we have to Kira. If you do, I'll assume that you are at best Kira's willing accomplice and at worst Kira himself, and I will leak all the information from this investigation to Interpol. It is likely they won't kill you or Misa as long as the criminal deaths don't restart, but it is always possible they might decide to kill you anyway as a pre-emptive strike. Do not disobey me."
L removed his hand from Light's mouth.
Light said, "Fine, even though it's painful for me, I'll do it your way. But you have only four hundred and thirty seven days from now. My memories will expire even if I don't willingly erase them."
L was still staring from very close. He blinked twice, and then said, "I will allow you that much time. If you erase your memories sooner, my threat will be carried out. I will have arrangements in place to make sure of it even if I die."
Aizawa said, "Ryuzaki, the month is over, and you haven't proven Light is Kira. You've uncovered additional evidence in an impressive way, but it's just as difficult to come to a conclusion as before. We're still stuck and we can't wait. The more time that goes by, the more chance that you'll become too attached to the suspect and make a mistake. You've already admitted you're biased and I'm guessing it will only get worse. If Light is Kira, we'll all die at that time. You need to quit the investigation, Ryuzaki."
L said, "I understand. Watari, will you make sure N is fully briefed on recent developments, and then have him take over the case?"
Matsuda said, "N?"
"Yes," L replied, "as I've said before, there is more than one L. There is an entire alphabet of them, though I'm the best. N will be a suitable replacement. I am fairly sure that he will give everyone orders through the computer instead of coming here in person. This is the logical move to secure his own safety."
Aizawa said, "Wait, how do we know N even exists? You were once just a voice from a computer. You could pretend to be N, or you could secretly be giving directions to one of your employees who pretends to be N, so that you're still in charge of the investigation."
L said, "I will continue to live in this building for as long as it takes to convince everyone that I'm not N and that N is not following my directions. I will work on separate cases, and I will no longer help with the Kira investigation in any way. I am sure it will only take a day for N to become fully briefed and decide what to do. I will obey whatever instructions N gives me tomorrow."
L hopped from his chair and started for the elevator at the back of the room. Light followed along, his arm stretched out in front of him, trying to catch up so the chain wouldn't jerk.
Matsuda called out, "Ryuzaki, will you be leaving us?"
Without turning around or slowing, L said, "It depends on what N decides, and on how long it takes for everyone to be fully convinced I'm not N or secretly in charge of N."
All of the others either don't trust L or they like L. Those who don't trust him will take some time to believe he certainly is separate from N, and those who like him will pretend to not be convinced right away, so that L won't leave soon, because they know they'll miss him. I probably have another month before he leaves this place, and by then I can convince him to take me with him.
As soon as the elevator doors closed, Light said, "What will we do while we're waiting?"
"It doesn't matter."
L's face had that incredibly blank expression again, the one that was even more unreadable than usual. But his shoulders were hunched very deeply, and his hands thrust far into his pockets. Light wanted to touch him, but had the impression that L would slap him for it. So, Light gave L a lot of space as they returned to their own rooms, allowing L to simply curl up in a chair and seem to go catatonic, staring off into space much of the time and drifting in and out of naps.
Watari brought a couple of meals during the rest of the day but L simply picked at his food thoughtfully, barely eating it. When it was bedtime, Light put up enough of a protest to get L to go to bed and lie down under the covers. Instead of being almost immobile, as he'd been when spending most of the day in one chair, L was restless, moving constantly, often curling up his body and seeming to be unsatisfied with the position, only to uncurl and try again.
Light propped himself up on an elbow and watched L. The man looked paler and thinner than ever. He certainly needed to eat more. But there was a stark, wonderful beauty to him, the jutting angles of his face, his large, dark eyes, the way his soft, flyaway black hair spread out against the pillow.
This is difficult for him now, but he'll soon get used to the way things are, the way they'll be from now on. He'll probably never stop suspecting me, but now that I've given him some good reasons to think I'm not Kira, he won't judge me so harshly. Even the suspicion will work in my favor, since he'll want to watch over me. I know L, and he'd never completely give a case up to someone else.
L didn't look as intimidating as he had earlier. Light slipped closer to him, snuggling up against L's back, breathing in the scent of his hair.
L wriggled partway out of Lights grasp and said, "I'm depressed."
"Why? Because we haven't caught Kira yet? You've always wanted to think I'm Kira. If it makes you happier, you could think that I'm Kira and you've clearly captured me. I'm on a chain, aren't I?"
L said nothing.
Light slid up very close against L's back and whispered, "Maybe I can cheer you up in a different way."
Light reached around, petting between L's legs on the outside of his jeans. L made a noise that sounded like "Mmmmmmmm."
Very quickly, L had spread his legs for better access, and was responding with a growing stiffness and faster breathing.
Light said, "You always wear so much clothing in bed."
L said, "I don't know what you want."
"I want you to wear less clothing. Don't you ever sleep in your underwear even when it's hot?"
"That's not what I mean."
The silence stretched between them. Light rubbed harder and then started unbuttoning the front of L's jeans. L grabbed Light's hands and pulled them away, closing his legs and curling up to protect the area.
L said, "No, I need to think."
Light moved his one hand to stroke L's side and the other to trace delicately along the edge of his jaw. L trembled slightly but did not uncurl. Light carefully reached down and began slowly slipping his hand into the back of L's jeans.
L said, "Stop it."
Light continued, gently massaging the center of one butt cheek. He whispered in L's ear, "You want me to help you get off. I'll just suck on your penis and I won't ask for anything in return. You know it will feel very good. I've gotten you so hard already."
L said, "There is a difference between physical arousal and consent. Don't make me kick you."
Something in L's tone sounded very serious, so Light let go and slid away, stopping when barely out of touching distance. He couldn't see L's face any more, just the messy black fluff of L's hair sticking out from under the blankets.
After a few minutes of silence, L said, "Light, I want to tell you something."
"What?"
"I... depending on if you're Kira or not, I have something different to tell you in each case."
"How will you decide which one to say?"
"I'll say them both. Light, if you are Kira, you are a murderer, probably one of the most prolific in all of history. What you did is wrong, and I will never forgive you. You cannot win me over with a sexual relationship. I will never support you or join your cause. I would rather die first. If you are Kira and you have any real love for me, you should go back to your attempts to kill me."
Light said, "That has no relevance because I'm not Kira. What is the other message?"
"If you're telling the truth, if you're not Kira but rather a decoy who was threatened into some cooperation as you claim, then I'm sorry."
"This is a conditional apology?"
L said, "Yes. If you're telling the truth, then you were forced into something terrible. You did not choose to be part of the Kira investigation, to risk your life. Everyone except you had that choice. And, even though it was wrong to deliberately mislead the investigators, your actions were understandable in the circumstances. You did save the lives of at least seven people. I did awful things to you if you're not Kira, and yet you accepted them all without much protest. I'm sorry, Light. I was harsh with you."
Light said, "I accept your apology. Thank you, L."
L was silent for a few moments and Light felt the mood was right. He tentatively placed a hand on L's thigh and was slapped for his efforts. After gazing wistfully at L for a time, hoping L would change his mind; Light gave up, rolled over and went to sleep.
In the morning, L had a better mood and aggressively jumped Light in the shower. Before Light knew it, L had pinned him hard against the wall as the warm water flowed over both of them, preparing Light for entrance and at the same time kissing Light's mouth as if he were starved.
L pressed inside as soon as he could and rocked Light's entire body with his forceful thumping, even trying a new experiment and pulling one of Light's legs up to spread everything and plunge in deeper with each thrust. Light was almost frightened by the intensity of it, by the sheer need shining unmistakably in L's eyes, the way L's hands were everywhere at once, and the almost painful-sounding whines L was letting out.
L had a particularly haunting cry when he came, like a quiet version of a shriek. That sound, and the distinctly odd look on L's face as he made the noise both stuck in Light's mind, and he kept thinking on that moment over and over as they prepared for the first contact with N.
The entire set-up was eerily similar to what had happened the previous morning, with everyone assembled in the main investigation room looking uncertain and apprehensive, but the mood somewhat improved. With a few looks around to subtly study everyone's face, Light decided that probably everyone except for L and Aiber was leaning more to the conclusion 'Light is not Kira' than 'Light is Kira'. After the seeds of doubt that had been planted along with offering a plausible alternate explanation, all that was needed was time. Even more time would work better.
Everyone's gaze snapped to the front of the room when one of the large monitors showed an "N" logo, in the same style as L's usual "L" logo, and a computer-scrambled voice started speaking.
The voice said, "Whether Light is Kira or not, Kira is purposely stalling the investigation. You are doing exactly what Kira wants, and therefore you're all useless as investigators. Your investigation has been permanently compromised. I have already assembled my own team, and I will not be using your services."
Aizawa said, "Wait, we've put in months of work and risked our lives willingly again and again, and you're telling us to just go home?"
N said, "No, I am saying something different. All of you have a link to Kira. Kira has attacked you in the past and has interfered with your memories. You are useless as investigators but you are useful as subjects to study to gain more insight into Kira, and I will employ all of you in that capacity."
Matsuda said, "So, we'll be like guinea pigs? Well, if it'll help catch the real Kira, I'll do it."
Wedy said, "I'm out. I only work for Ryuzaki, and I'm not going to be studied in some lab."
After a short pause, Aiber said, "I'll be leaving too. This isn't the sort of job I do."
Matsuda turned to the rest of the room and gesturing wildly with his arms said, "Hey, the rest of you guys aren't going to quit, are you? I'm sure we're close to catching Kira, and Ryuzaki and Light have been through so much to get us this far. It'd be cowardly to back out now."
Soichiro said, "Matsuda, you need to let everyone make their own choices, without calling them names."
Matsuda laughed nervously and while glancing around the room said, "Oh, sorry Chief. But, everyone else is going to stay, right?"
Aizawa said, "It depends on the way I'll be studied. I don't want anything that risks my life for no reason or takes away my dignity. N, describe what you'll do to us first, and then I'll consider it."
N said, "I can't do that, Mr. Aizawa. The prime Kira suspect is there, listening, at this moment. It was terribly irresponsible of L to allow himself to become so entangled with Light. With Light's stalling tactics, the only way to get more evidence is by setting him free, by force if necessary. He should never be allowed back inside this building, and L should not see him any longer, or it would be a potential weak link in the investigation."
L's face was completely expressionless, but his body looked like it was curling in on itself worse than ever.
L said, "Watari, bring the key. Then have Light escorted outside and have the security settings changed so he is not allowed back in."
No! He's getting rid of me, just because he was ordered to? It can't work like this.
As Watari exited the room, Light said, "L, you don't want to do this. You're my lover and you care for me. Please, come with me when I leave, or if you're too afraid to do that, then take me wherever you want to a secure location and keep me there. I'm not Kira and I've allowed you to keep me on a chain for months. You owe me something better than this."
L said, "Light, when we had sex the first time, I only did it because I wasn't thinking clearly. After that, I was using you for sex and companionship, and to try to understand you for the sake of the case. This relationship is wrong. It upsets everyone and risks their lives."
"It doesn't risk their lives if you're off the case! If you're not investigating Kira any longer, we can do whatever we want, and I know you want this as much as I do. Besides, every relationship consists of people who use each other for sex and companionship. That's what a relationship is."
Watari was approaching with the key.
Light said, "L, you don't have to obey N. Please don't go away."
L turned his back and said nothing. The snicking sound of the key turning in the lock was terrifying. Watari was coiling up the chain and putting it into a bag, standing directly in the way, protecting L.
Light darted one direction and then suddenly changed course, slipping past Watari and right to L. L didn't retreat, but he stiffened.
Light hugged L from behind and said, "You'll never find anyone else like me. You know that. L, you'll return to me. You'll be too lonely without me."
L started shivering within Light's grasp. Light hugged tighter and said, "L, I love you. Don't leave me. It would be cruel."
I have him. I've affected him deeply.
In a choked voice, L said, "Go away."
Light felt strong hands on his shoulders, pulling him from L. When he glanced back, it was Mogi and Watari.
Then Light heard his father's voice, saying, "Ryuzaki has made his choice. Let's go, Light."
L can't give me up. He'll discover he isn't able to.
Light relaxed, letting himself be pulled along by the men on either side. He looked over his shoulder at L as long as he could, memorizing that hunched profile, the beautiful contrasts of the pale skin and t-shirt with the dark hair and eyes.
Mogi and Watari escorted him all the way to the basement parking garage, and then Light got into his father's car and they started on their way home. Light's stomach was jumbled and clenched. Everything felt surreal, as if it couldn't truly be happening. It had been so fast, so sudden.
Light took several minutes to organize his thoughts, trying to plan his next move. When he was satisfied, he looked over at his father, studying his face for signs of his mood. He looked too worried, too old. He'd aged ten years or more since the Kira case began.
Light said, "Dad, don't worry about this. I'm concerned about your health. You know I'm not Kira. Remember the profile L developed for Kira? It indicated someone who would be willing to kill his entire family, if it came to that. You're still alive. If I am Kira, I had various chances to kill the entire investigation team that I didn't take. I also had chances to simply flee. Someone with Kira's power could disappear and hide easily, controlling others into housing him, giving him money and helping him. If I am Kira, then my actions don't make sense."
Soichiro said, "I trust you, Light, but there's so much we don't understand. You could still die, couldn't you? This is my fault for letting you join the investigation. I made you into a target."
"You didn't make any decisions that put me at risk. I can say that much honestly. And, I think I've neutralized Kira well enough that I won't be killed. I've saved my own life and the lives of many others. Look in my eyes. Do I look like I'm lying?"
Soichiro glanced over briefly before returning his eyes to the road. His face was full of concern, along with a few small twinges of doubt. He would be easy to win over. His doubt was already small and should be entirely gone in a few weeks at most.
Light said, "I don't want you to get hurt. The real danger has passed, and now the only remaining threat is your own thoughts. Please try to avoid stress and strain. I'm asking this for Sayu's sake and Mom's sake as well."
Soichiro sighed. "You are right."
"You'll give yourself rest and worry less?"
"Yes. I don't know what I was thinking, suspecting you."
Light said, "You know how smart I am, and I was trying to seem suspicious. Of course you thought that way. I don't blame you one bit, Dad. You shouldn't blame yourself either."
An expression of immense warmth flooded across Soichiro's face.
That's it. I've got him completely back on my side, this easily. And he won't worry much now. It would be horrible if he drove himself to another heart attack from the stress.
Light said, "Now that you've promised not to strain yourself, let's talk about college. The new term will start soon, and I think I can probably get special permission to re-enter To-Oh University within that time."
Soichiro's face looked even more pleased at the change of topic, with just the slightest stress lingering in the bunched-up wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. The rest of the trip was spent making plans for college. When they reached home, Light politely endured the attention his mother and sister showered on him, pretending to enjoy it.
It was odd to try to get used to the new house L had bought, and annoying to listen to Sayu's constant babbling about the supposed chlorine trifluoride spill that had prompted an evacuation of their neighborhood. Sayu was completely stunned and had to keep repeatedly describing how lucky it was that nobody got injured and that workers in hazardous materials suits had been able to remove most of their possessions immediately before a gas explosion leveled several houses. The only good thing about Sayu's babbling was that it mostly kept the subject away from Misa.
As soon as it was appropriate, Light retreated to his room, sighing and locking the door behind him.
His mind was not full of thoughts about college, but of L. Light lay back on his bed, placed his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling, going over all the details of how L had behaved. Yes, there wasn't any doubt that L would be back. L had been affected too deeply, he was hooked.
It was only a question of when, and how, L would return. L was stubborn. He'd try to resist. But L was a very lonely man who had obviously never forged a connection with anyone before. As time went by with no actions by Kira, with it becoming more and more clear that Kira wasn't merely taking a break from the killings but was gone forever, L would have to start believing the lie he'd been told.
L wanted to believe it, and the evidence would slowly push him in that direction. He was too paranoid to ever completely give up his suspicions, but at some point more of his thoughts would say "Light isn't Kira" and fewer of his thoughts would say "Light is Kira."
And, if L didn't return once his conclusions began leaning towards innocence, if he was still too paranoid, then there would be ways to push him. Light's mind had already started assembling several plans.
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Fever Dreams