A child\'s game

A child’s game






A child’s game.

 

 

Himura
Kenshin, not a young boy anymore by any standards, was lost in his own memories
too. Not being aware than the one his thoughts were returning to after so many
years wasn’t far from him. Saitou Hajime, it wasn’t the first time he found
himself thinking about the man. First the man he met in a fateful night, and
then the ruthless enemy he fought without results.

Why
now? Why, after so many time did he find himself thinking about the man? He
thought he had left all of that behind, that after taking the way of peace, and
turning the blade of his sword, he would never be confronted with that man
again.

And
in his heart he knew that something was about to happen, that the reason he
could see the last time they met in battle so clearly in his mind, meant that
something would happen soon.

His
thoughts drifted back in time, to a time when hating the man was something he
couldn’t even conceive. Before
everything was shot to hell.

 

&;
;

 

The black envelope again, someone was
going to die that night. Kenshin looked at the accursed paper in his hands. The
name of his next victim. Why, why did he thought that fighting for his ideals
would be easy? That taking part in a war would be something different than
taking lives? Tenchuu, a word that couldn’t even begin to express the darkness
behind the act.

Sighing he rubbed his cheek
absentmindedly, thinking that he could still feel another man’s touch, another
hand over his skin. Almost a month had passed since that day, and he had heard
that the Wolfs of Mibu would return to the city soon. He didn’t know if he
should feel dread or hope at that prospect. Someday, someday Saitou and he
would have to face one another in battle, and there was no way the other man
wouldn’t find out who he really was.

Not revealing his identity was a gamble
in the dark, a choice made in the hope that he would never meet Saitou again. But he knew better now,
that after both of them returned to that place the next day, he couldn’t say
anything. They were enemies, and they would try to kill one another as soon as
the truth was out. That was war, after all.

He had played with other people
preconceptions before, that the fact the Hitokiri was a kid, something nobody
ever thought about, gave him advantage over them. And not telling Saitou
Battousai and he were one and the same, was a one second decision. One he
didn’t regret, as they would have been forced to fight.

His fingers moved from his cheek to rest
over his lips. Saitou kissed him, he could remember the gentle touch, nothing
like he imagined the kiss would be. What a mysterious and annoying man Saitou
was! First he rejected him, then he insulted him, and in the end he kissed him.
He couldn’t imagine what the other man’s intentions were.

Ken may may be young, but he was no
innocent, not in blood and not in the desires of flesh. He had learnt long ago
that there was some measure of peace in the pleasures of the body, and he
willingly gave his body from time to time. The offer he made Saitou at that
time was just that, find pleasure in the middle of darkness and destruction.
But after the other man’s reaction he wasn’t so sures its it bad to seek
pleasure, only to forget is inner darkness? Maybe, and maybe were the terms of
the offer what were bad. Not just mindless sex, they felt some strange sort of
connection, and the prospect of sharing his body with the Wolf made him shiver
in anticipation. So maybe there was more than sex there.

But all of that happened a month ago, and
after that night he hadn’t heard about Saitou. Only that now the wolves were
returning to Kyoto. Was he daring enough to seek the man? Maybe, but before
that he had work to do.

Kenshin scowled to himself, and took his
weapons. Death would come first, and then he would have all the night to think
about the rest.

 

 

The stench of blood didn’t come off
easily those days, it seemed to follow him wherever he went, like the shadow of
his darkness. It didn’t matter if he scrubbed himself until his skin was raw
and red, he could still smell it, on his hands, over histhesthes, on the steel
of his katana. Maybe it was just that he was losing his mind.

The words of his master came to haunt
him, knowing that he had been right all along, but that it was too late now to
turn back. He had been foolish, just a little kid putting als sos soul behind
his ideals. The strength he offered to the Ishin, his sword and skill, all of
that was way too powerful to let it be controlled by anyone. They had created
the monster, the shadow assassin that put the seed of fear in the enemy. And in
himself, for he was that shadow, he was that same fear. He had never wanted to
be that, he had never wanted to take the lives of anyone. But wars weren’t
fought without bloodshed.

As he walked back to the inn he felt his
sanity slipping, it was time to find something else to think about. It was time
for him to give his mind something else to focus.

He took the time just to change his
clothes and leave hiordsords, he never took wit with him in the nights he went
there. Those nights he wanted to be just Kenshin, nothing that reminded him of
his other nature was welcome.

He took the well known path, his thoughts
drifting in the darkness, that night he wanted to forget what he had just done,
the expression in the eyes of the man he killed. Some of them were harder to
forget than other, though all of them stayed in his conscience. Like the one
who scarred him, fighting for his life as if he had something worth living for.
And to forget about that he always gave himself to strangers, an habit his
master would have regarded with comptent. A real samurai would have never stoop
so low as he, a real samurai would have been worth the touch of his master, a
real samurai would have never left his master before his training was complete.
But he wasn’t a real samurai.

Kenshin didn’t ever accept the money for
that nights, he was no whore, only someone who wanted sex without attachments;
and he never, ever saw again any of his partners. That was a rule he never
broke, no matter how handsome, strong or experienced they were.

He was looking for someone when he saw
him. And they stared at each other surprised in the distance, before the other
man narrowed his eyes in anger and stalked towards him.

“What are you doing here, Kenshin?”
Saitou said coolly, glaring at him as if he had done something wrong.

Kenshin shrugged, trying to hide the
sudden feeling of shame that being caught arouse in him. He knew why Saitou was acting like that,
since the moment he arrived to the district he had been looking for someone,
rejecting several proposals as he didn’t like the men who asked for him.

“Parading yourself like a whore, are
you?” Saitou continued, regarding him with disgust, as if he was seeing him for the first time. “Is
that whou aou are, Kenshin?”

“No, I’m not a whore,” he whispered “but
sometimes I wish I was…” that would be easier to deal with, he thought, than
being an assassin.

“What are you doing here, then?” Saitou
asked again.

Kenshin didn’t know what to say, so he
just lowered his gaze and stared to his hands. Why the opinion of that man, who
he hardly knew, mattered to him? Why did he felt dirty of doing that now? It
was the first time he had ever felt ashamed of that, those were his secret
nights, where no one knew him, where the people he knew nevert, bt, because
they were used by the enemy.

“Are you going to answer me?” annoyed at
the silence, Saitou closed the distance between them and grabbed Kenshin by the
arm, dragging him out of the crowded street.

That snapped Kenshin into movement,
snatching his arm from Saitou’s grasp violently.

“What I am doing here is not your
business.” he retorted, glaring at the other man.

“So I am right, you are a whore, after
all.”

That answer incensed him, and he took a
step back, to put as much distance possible between the two of them. He had
thought about meeting the other man again; but he had never thought that it
would be under those circumstances. And now, facing the violent reaction of
Saitou, he wondered if the man he knew was real at all. He remembered a gentle
touch, an almost tender kiss. The anger he could sense emanating from him, the
coldness of his eyes, all of that he hadn’t seen before.

“Not so hastily,” Saitou held him in
place when he tried to leave “I want an answer.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want,
Saitou-san. I’m not what thinthink, and what I’m doing here is my business
alone.” He said with as much coldness as he could.

“You fooled me the last time we met, I
thought you were just a boy. I see I was mistaken, so there’s no reason to
restrain myself anymore.”

And he found himself pinned against a
wall, Saitou’s body forcefully pressed against his, taking away all his chances
of escape. He was prepared when Saitou took his lips in a violent kiss, this
time he knew what was going to happen, and he let himself enjoy the touch for a
brief moment, before he struggled to get free. Saitou was stronger than he, but
as usually people did, he underestimated him. He was way stronger than he
seemed. After just a few seconds he managed to push the man away from him,
wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You don’t want to follow this path,
Saitou-san,” he surprised himself with the calmness in his voice “it would be
most unwise to do so.”

“Talking in circles, like I remember
you.” Saitou said smirking “this reminds me more of the Kenshin I met a month
ago. But you don’t know what I want.”

“Neither do you.”

“Maybe, but I know that I’ve thought
about you during this month. Seeing you here surprised me, and confirmed the
worst suspicions I had about you.” Saitou shook his head, f clf clearing his
mind. “what is it about you that makes me act so differently as my usual self?”

Kenshin just shrugged, he didn’t know the
answer of that question, nor he thought it was intended to him.

“Why are you here, what are you looking
for?” Saitou asked again.

“Peace, oblivion, pleasure,” Kenshin
answered truthfully, “It doesn’t matter.”

“And you find it here?”

“Is a place as good as any other, nobody
knows me here, and nobody asks questions. They just take what they want and
give me what I want.”

Saitou looked at him for a moment, and
finally he seemed to reach a decision.

“I’ll give you all of that, come with
me.”

Kenshin’s heart skipped a beat, but he
schooled his features into impassiveness, and shoos hes head.

“No, Saitou-san, you can’t give me that.”


Saitou’s glare pinned him, and he could
feel again the fury his rejection provoked. Not really sure why, he decided to
elaborate his answer.

“I’ve thought of you too, and it would be
different. Not mindless sex, not just a fuck. At least for me. This is not the
place, not the moment for that. We’re in the middle of a war, I can’t give more
than my body. You’d take more than that.”

“I understand what you mean.” He knew
that too, giving more than what he offered was dangerous for both of them. “Go
then, find your pleasure anywhere else, because if I find you here again it’s
going to happen. Whether you like it or not.”

Kenshin nodded and took his leave, not
looking back just in case his resolve crumpled.

 

 

Kenshin
looked up startled, and realized he must have dozed off at some point of his
remembrance. Not that anyone had notice; but he felt like his past was coming
back again, as if it was a beast that followed him, ready to strike when he
left his guard down. Those memories, that feeling of shame he hadn’t felt for a
long time. That was the last time he ever went to the district, not even after
Tomoe’s death he felt the need of seeking that again. And all because Saitou’s
disdain that night made him feel dirty, worthless.

He
smiled dryly to himself, at that time that man’s opinion really mattered to
him. And look where things had led after that… he should have known better than
to act so against his character, he should have known better than to seek that
man again.

But
he did.

 

 

It was shortly after the night in the
district, that frustrating night where he didn’t find anything but shame. He
left the district that night for good, to never set a foot again there, feeling
pathetically stupid and more like a child than ever. The mere memory of
Saitou’s eyes made him shudder, and he wanted the ground to open beneath him
and swallow him whole. And so short after that night he encountered Saitou
again.

Kyoto was a city big enough not to find
someone, but as it seemed he was fated to face Saitou Hajime again and again,
as he had predicted one night long ago. Or maybe it was that they were seeking
each other.

That night he didn’t have to work,
fortunately no black envelope was waiting for him at the inn. But he wanted to
go outside, the endless nights of loneliness at the the the incessant planning
and strategizing of the other members of the Ishin there, the fear he could see
in their eyes when they looked at him; all of that overwhelmed him from time to
time, and he needed to take a little break from them. So, that night he was
wandering Kyoto’s streets again, walking aimlessly lost in his thoughts.

“So, still nothing about him.” A voice
startled him out of his thoughts, he knew that voice.

Taking in his surrounding he realized he
was outside the places he usually went through; he was in an area at the
outskirts of the city, the streets dimly lit, if ever, and the people there
looked dangerous. He cursed, not for the first time, his habit of leaving his
sword when he took his walks.

“No, we have no information about
Battousai, Saitou-sama,” another voice answered, and Kenshin stopped dead in
his tracks. He hid in the shadows, trying to conceal his presence as most as
possible.

“I can’t understand your obsession with
that man, Saitou-san,” a young voice joined the conversation “we’re not even
sure hests.sts.”

“Battousai exists.” Saitou said, and the
o man man laughed.

“So sure about it, Saitou-san. How can
you know it for sure? Maybe it’s just another tale of the Ishinshishi to put
fear in us, nobody had ever seen him, and nobody knows about him.”

“I know someone who knows him, Okita-kun.”

Kenshin paled at that, he must be talking
about him. Had he revealed something about him to his comrades? What had he
told them?

“Yes, your mysterious boy.” The humour
was clear in that voice, as if he was teasing Saitou. “I find hard to believe
that someone like you described exists either, he would draw too much attention
to him. Is impossible that he goes unnoticed in this city, yet no one knows
about this red head friend of yours.”

Friend? Kenshin didn’t consider himself
Saitou’s friend, their few encounters had been too surrealist for him to
catalogue them; but he was sure they weren’t friends. There was something
there, an attraction Kenshin hadn’t feel before. But no friendship. Saitou
echoed his thoughts.

“We’re not friends.”

“What are you then?” Okita asked.

“I don’t know. But I’d like to…” he
stopped then, and when he spoke again his tone was tense “There’s someone
here.”

Kenshin knew he had been discovered then,
and in a second decided against fleeing, he could disappear before they found
him, but that conversation unsettled him. He wanted to face Saitou.

Kenshin stepped out of the shadows, and
walked to the two men ahead of him. There were more men around, but he wasn’t
interested in them.

Saitou’s back was to him, and he could
see he was tense and with his hand already on the hilt of his sword. The other
man was ready to fight too, he was younger, and shorter. His dark hair framed a
pretty face, and when he saw Kenshin his eyes widened briefly, before an amused
expression took hold of his face.

“I’ll take my leave now Saitou-san, it
seems there’s no danger here.”

Kenshin watched Saitou turn, as if in
slow motion, and his expression of surprise changed to one of suspicion. Well,
he might be wondering what was Kenshin doing there, and maybe if he was on his
way to the district.

“I’ll see you later, Okita-kun” Saitou
said to the retreating back of the other man, before turning all his attention
to Kenshin. “What are you doing here Kenshin? I would think you’ve been
following me.”

What was he doing there? That was a good
question, he must have continued his walk, not stopping to hear the
conversation, as soon as he realized it was Saitou. But, as usual, he followed
his instinct without thinking first.

“I was just walking around, Saitou-san”
he replied sincerely “I needed some fresh air
“Y
“You have a really bad habit of walking
in the night, and for some dangerous places too.” Saitou relaxed his grip on
his sword, and took a step closer to him “this side of town is not safe for
someone who declares to be an enemy.”

“It wasn’t intentional, Saitou-san. I
wasn’t thinking about anything, and it seems I took a wrong turn somewhere.”

“Or a right turn,” Saitou smirked “since
it took you here. Remember what I told you last time?” his eyes had now a
predatory glint, and Kenshin shivered.

“We’re not there.” He protested, but his
body reacted to the insinuation.

“It doesn’t matter,” Saitou closed the
distance between the two of them, and Kenshin could feel the heat emanating
from his body. “you keep showing up in front of me, and there’s only so much
restrain I possess. You proved to me you were no innocent boy last time, now
I’m going to have what I’ve wanted since we met.”

His mouth was over Kenshin’s before he
had the chance to say anything, and this time it wasn’t like any of the
previous one’s. It wasn’t the gentle caress or the violent attack, it was
fierce, and demanding. The assault of his mouth, lips and tongue, everything at
once, making him shiver, respond and return the kiss with the same amount of
desire. He had wanted that too, since the first time their eyes locked he had
wanted the other man.

The kiss seemed to go on forever, until
the demand of their lungs made them part with a frustrated groan, Kenshin was
panting and flushed; it had never felt like that, it had never been like he
wanted to be consumed in the fire taking hold of his body. He wanted it to go
on forever, and to end at once. Breathing deeply he stood on tiptoe, and
circling his arms around Saitou’s neck, bent the other’s man head to resume the
wonderful sensations. Saitou looked at him smirking before he took his mouth
again, demanding entrance to his tongue immediately, and pressing their bodies
together.

When they parted again they were both
moaning, aroused and panting heavily.

“We have to move, I’m not stopping now.”
Saitou said, his voice hoarse.

Kenshin just nodded, not trusting his
voice at all. So, that was the reason why they couldn’t act normally around one
another, that attraction like nothing Kenshin had ever felt before. He followed
Saitou to and empty place, it looked like and abandoned warehouse, but it would
be prefect for what they were going to do. Not a second after they had crossed
the door, and closed it behind them, Saitou was all over him again. This time
his hands tore at his clothes impatiently while his mouth devoured him, Kenshin
returned the favour with passion, and soon both of them were naked amidst
scattered clothes.

Kenshin stepped back to take in the sight
of Saitou, naked and wanting him. The man wasn’t beautiful, but it was the most
attractive thing Kenshin had ever seen. His lean body, muscled in the right
places, tall and powerful, those feral eyes looking intently at him, the thin
lips, swollen and slightly parted, the dark long hair. Everything together made
the most compelling site Kenshin had ever behold. Saitou was looking at him
too, appreciatively letting his eyes roam through the impossibly pale skin, the
slim strong body, and those expressive amber eyes, darkened now with desire.

They closed the gap together, hungrily
touching everywhere they could, savouring skin against skin, devouring one
another.