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Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Part I: Wolf Eyes
- 2-Part II: Wolf Cub
- 1
- 2
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Cowboy Bebop in any
sense, and simply watch and write about it for my own pleasure and
entertainment to hopefully bring to the same to others.

Wolf Cub

By Crystal Delphina

Completed: April 6,
2007

-- -- --

They sat there for a few minutes, watching the white static
on the screen, frozen and confused as to what they had just witnessed. They sat
there, looking to see if there would be more.

All four members of the Bebop crew sat and stared at the
screen in silence. That was the case at least until they heard the click of
heels leaving the entrance to the den, then the footsteps retreating down the
hallway, increasing in speed, until they finally gave up listening as the echo
disappeared . Then only three members of the Bebop crew sat in the den, simply
looking towards the now empty entrance.

They didn�t see her at dinner when Jet served rice and what
had been a dehydrated fish from Ganymede. She never appeared for the briefing
on a new target they had planned on pursuing the next day, earlier in the week
before the shipping surprise had come. And there was no sign of her when her
comrades of legal drinking age partook in their nightly ritual of booze and
pointless bickering, a favorite pastime of hers that she never missed.

Faye did not leave her room until three in the morning Mars
orbital time.

Who am I?

The ship was silent except for the gentle hum of engines and
operational systems and only a few dim lights glowed on their night settings. Her
head poked out of her door, glanced either direction down her hall, and upon
determining there were no sleepwalkers, she stepped out and headed towards the
mess.

She quietly snuck down the halls, thankful that her socks
were silent upon the metal floors. She was in no mood to confront other members
of the ship at the moment. It was difficult enough with her own questions. She
didn�t need theirs as well to add to the already mounting confusion.

I ask myself that question nearly every day.

Her stomach gave a small growl, as she approached the
kitchen area, trying to decide if she should grab an instant ramen or a
nondescript can of mystery. However, in the middle of the counter sat a small
container filled with the rice and fish from that night�s dinner, an unexpected
gift from one of the crewmembers, which surprised her. In all likelihood it had
been Jet, who had possibly managed to overlook his current displeasure with her
and the money she owed him. �Maybe if he�s feeling extremely generous, he�ll just
forget that little debt I owe him for the C.O.D.s altogether,� she considered,
as she opened the fridge to grab a beer. She took a seat at the counter and
began to slowly eat her �dinner� in contemplative silence.

She had started walking back towards her room after the
initial shock from viewing that disturbing� (what had Ed referred to it as? A
zeta tape? No that didn�t sound right�a�beta. A beta tape, that�s right) beta
tape had worn off but after a few feet her pace quickened, and finally by the
time she rounded the corner to make her way to her hallway, she was sprinting.
She tried to run as far away from that tape and that gray dead static screen as
fast as possible.

I wish I could pretend I didn�t care about my past. Trust
me, I really do.

When she had finally reached her room, smashed her fingers
against the keypad to unlock the door, and managed to get all the way to her
bed before she finally allowed herself to cry, she was rather proud of herself
in a strange sense. Part of her had dreaded the possibility that on the trek
back to her room she would break down crying against one of the ship walls. An
even larger part of her dreaded the idea that she might have begun crying right
there in the den in front of the others, which would have been unacceptable;
she would never allow herself to be that weak around them.

Panic had overtaken her while lying on her bed; her heart
beat too rapidly to be healthy, her short breaths were labored, and the tears
just wouldn�t seem to stop, despite her attempts to wipe them away and squeeze
her eyes tightly shut. Her chest felt compressed, as if someone were squeezing
the air from her lungs and clutching her heart in a steel grip. She allowed
herself the momentary consideration of jumping into her ship and going for a
�drive�, but then reached the conclusion that it would be a dangerous and
reckless decision. And yes, every now and again, she was capable of deciding not
to pursue dangerous and reckless courses of action.

After forty-seven excruciating minutes of having difficulty
breathing, crying and frantic heartbeats, she fell into an emotionally
exhausted sleep.

But the truth of the matter is that finding out who I am,
is the only thing that�s kept me going the past few years. Oh, and avoiding
bill collections.

Dreams of a young girl plagued her. A young girl who was
laughing, smiling, had bright eyes and a wide grin. A girl who was surrounded
by girls her own age, who must have been her friends. A young girl with sparkling
green eyes and short purple hair that looked as if it hadn�t been brushed in a
while. The girl played at a park, with large grass hills, water fountains, and
trailing paths through wooded areas. The girl slept in a large pink bed, in a
large pink room filled with dolls and toys and brightly colored pictures of
friends and family.

Who am I?

The girl was a complete stranger. Faye had never seen her
before in her life. And though they may have looked similar, their
personalities were completely opposite, along with their choices in room d�cor.
Her room now was a bare steel cage littered with crushed cigarette cartons and
dozens of cigarette butts, rounds of ammo, pistols, various other gadgets to
assist in bounty hunting, and wrinkled clothes; certainly no pictures or
personal comfort items. Even her bed was a generic dull blue which she picked
because she figured it was a safe bet that it might have been her favorite
color in her previous life. According to the horrible tape, she had picked
wrong.

The dreams she had that night were not memories; not her
memories at least. The dreams were merely the tape rewound and played again and
again in her mind � a nightmare stuck on playback where she was forced to play
someone who was nothing like her.

Who am I supposed to be?

She awoke in a cold sweat, the sheets twisted around her
frame and her pillow damp from tears. She felt a dull ache in her stomach, at
which point she decided it was time to get up, splash some cold water on her
face, sneak out of her room, and go on a reconnaissance mission for food and
booze.

Her �meal� finished, and tired of dwelling on the dreams,
Faye stood up, grabbing her beer in the process, and decided to start heading
back towards her room. However, after only a few steps, she paused and
reconsidered her actions. Quickly spinning back around, she returned to the
counter, scooped the dishes up off the surface and pushed them into the already
open dishwasher; it was the least she could do in return for Jet�s kindness.
Upon further consideration, she also paused to grab herself a second beer out
of the fridge. Done with her night raid, she shut the lights off and left the
room.

Wandering down the dark ship corridors, she glanced down the
corridor that would lead to the den, and then quickly made a detour towards it.
The door slid open, the only light coming from Ed�s Tomato screen, thought the
teen girl and her canine companion were nowhere in sight. Seeing the�screenbox�
(was it called a television? Fucking old antiques were pointless) and the beta
player beside it, she rushed over to search the device for the mysterious tape.
Her hand slid inside the slot, feeling for the hard plastic tape, but there was
nothing there.

Surprised and now somewhat anxious over its apparent
disappearance, she looked on either side of the beta player and the screenbox,
the tape showing up in neither location. She got down on her hands and knees
and began looking underneath and behind, searching near the coffee table,
shuffling and moving things around. She even rummaged through the box that the
beta player had come in, throwing the packaging foam in all directions as she
dug through the box only to come up empty handed. She briefly considered
tipping the box over and shaking it out, but not wanting to clean up the
resulting mess, and not needing further wrath from Jet, she decided against it.
The tape was clearly gone.

�Maybe Jet�s not such a saint and is actually holding it
ransom,� she muttered bitterly, getting up from the floor with a sigh. She snatched
her beers off of the top of the�screenbox (really...what the hell had Ed called
it?) and stomped back towards her room, only to find her arch nemesis leaning
against the wall beside the door with his arms crossed over his bare chest, an
unlit cigarette resting in his lips.

How do you define me?

She didn�t acknowledge him - not even with a glance, as she
shifted both cans to one hand and used the free one to unlock her door using
the keypad. She walked in and, without a word, he followed, an invitation not
needed between the two. Although the room was small, it could comfortably fit
the two with her half sitting/ half reclining on her bed, and with him
straddling a chair, his arms crossed over the back of it. The silence stretched
on between the two, even when she handed him the extra beer she had intended to
keep for herself as a late night pick me up. They drank, stillness wrapping
around them in the dimly lit room, occasionally holding eye contact, before one
of them would break it to examine some random aspect of the room or inspect the
remaining contents of their bottle.

Finally there was an, �I don�t want to talk about it.�

And to her surprise�

�Good, neither do I.�

The gypsy. The lush. The gambler. The cheater. The
manipulator. The con. The liar. The thief.

��

A thin eyebrow quirked in response to his unexpected reply.
Upon further contemplation, the eyebrow resumed its natural resting place. The
fact of the matter was that he wasn�t a terribly nosy or curious person in
general when it came to other people�s affairs. This fact was only further
highlighted when it came to matters involving the female bounty hunter. He
seemed to reach new heights of apathy. With this in mind, she shouldn�t have
been taken aback by his retort.

In some far corner of her mind, she allowed herself a
fleeting moment of disappointment, but quickly shoved the emotion aside. She
didn�t care either. Not really at least. Truth be told, it wasn�t important
whether she was upset or not, especially since it wouldn�t make a difference to
him either way.

She downed the rest of her can with a large audible gulp.

I am not sweet. A cheerleader. I don�t have best friends.
I�ve never had best friends.

The bed squeaked ever so softly as she got off of it and
walked the short three paces across the room to toss the bottle into her
already overflowing trashcan. Her hand brushed the side of his arm
unintentionally as she headed back towards her bed, and before she could really
react his arm snaked from behind her to grab her securely around the waist.

She wasn�t startled. She wasn�t surprised. She didn�t
gasp.� She instead continued to look
straight ahead towards her bed, as if he hadn�t just interrupted her journey.
The only sign that he had was simply that she wasn�t moving forward any longer.
However, she was aware of how warm the skin of his arm was around her bare
midriff, even though the room wasn�t that cold. She could feel his fingers
pressing against her, curling ever so slightly as they made small movements to
stroke her back. She could also hear him moving against the chair, his can
being placed on the desk nearby, and the rustle of clothes as he stood. Soon
there were two arms around her waist with fingers stroking the soft skin they
found, and a nose pressed against the back of her head breathing in the scent
of her hair.

She continued to stare straight ahead.

At least as far as I knew�

�Why�d you come?� she whispered into the semi darkness.

�Because you need me.�
Warm breath tickled the nape of her neck as lips moved against the skin there,
breathing out the barely audible words in husky whispers, �because you need me
right now.�

�You know that�s not true.�

�Liar.�

He moved his right hand from her hip to press his palm flat
against her taunt stomach.

When he had so casually called her a liar, her eyes closed;
it was pointless to argue with him further, when he was telling the truth.

How do you define me? What do you see when you look at
me?

Bringing his other
arm up, he wrapped it around the front of her shoulders, securely embracing her
from behind and keeping her close to him. He placed a kiss to her back right at
the center between her shoulder blades, and the fingers that were wrapped
around her shoulder blades gave a gentle squeeze.

�Whether you like
it or not, I�m here, and it�s because you need me.� It seemed to her that his
whispered words cut harshly through the air, as she was forced to face the
truth in them. She didn�t want to have to deal with any more realities today;
it was all beginning to be too much. All she wanted at this point was their
normal catty relationship with the man behind her; she wanted to get into a
meaningless fight, wanted him to yell at her and roll his eyes, wanted to stomp
her foot and call him an idiot. She wanted her life to go back to its so called
�normal� state, the one she had acquired while here on the Bebop, and the one
that he had helped to shape.

�Stop saying that,�
she softly growled back in reply.

But that wasn�t
possible at the moment. She was too tired and too drained to even attempt to
fight with him. And as much as her mind demanded she reset the balance in their
precarious relationship, her heart yearned to accept the comfort and security
he was willing to offer right now.

However Faye, being
Faye, formed a compromise that only made logical sense to her. She wouldn�t be
weak and rely upon him, but she wouldn�t break out into a pointless argument
either. All she wanted from him at the moment was for him to help mask the
feelings and the thoughts that had been a whirlwind in her head since the
beginning of the evening. She just didn�t want to feel for a few precious
stolen moments - free from her confining and confusing past.

She placed her hand
over the one that was resting against her stomach, and taking a deep breath,
she leaned back against his frame allowing herself to be further enveloped by
his presence and hold around her. He placed his chin atop her shoulder and
tilted his head to the side to rest against her own.

Silence ensued in
the small metal room, and she gradually began to feel uncomfortable and grow
anxious with the situation. Their embrace was much too�intimate, as many of
their interactions these days had grown to be. If things of this sort kept up,
she might actually begin to fool herself into thinking that the lunkhead behind
her actually cared about her, a costly misjudgment on her part. This was not
the time for intimacy, to appear as if they were more than just casual lovers
and begrudging comrades � it was not a good time (nor ever would be) to look as
if they actually cared for each other. She had to change things quickly before
either of them became disillusioned.

Do you feel anything when you look at me?

She took a small
step forward to loosen his hold, and then turned to face him, looking up
directly into the dark brown eyes that looked nearly black in the shadowy room.
She imagined she could see herself reflected in the dark coffee colored eyes,
could see him taking her in, sizing her up, scrutinizing the expressions that flickered
briefly across her face before being replaced by her mask. She imagined he saw
her and saw something new, exciting, something he had been needing and wanting,
something that she could provide. She imagined that�

Suddenly standing
up on her toes, she gained the necessary few inches to close the height
difference between them and capture his lips with her own, her hands finding
their way to his bare shoulders. She gripped the hard flesh she found there,
trying to stabilize her precarious balance against his solid frame, and trying
to deepen the furtive kiss that had caught him off guard. Because she so rarely
was able to surprise him, she took the brief advantage to slip her tongue into
the warm recesses of his mouth, silently urging him to react in kind.

Large hands - rough
and calloused from martial arts, fixing the Swordfish and the metal of his guns
� closed around her hips, pulling her firmly against him as he kissed her back
fiercely. He began walking forwards, forcing her to take small steps backwards,
moving towards the bed as they kept kissing, fighting for dominance with
desperate lips and fleeting touches upon each others flesh. She let him guide
them both to across the small room crowded with the clutter of forgotten
clothes, abandoned makeup laying on surfaces, the occasional beer can stuffed
in a corner. Other than these material and wasteful things, there was nothing
within the room that defined her. There were no pictures on the walls, nothing
permanent, completely different from that foreign room found on the flickering
screen.

She didn�t know why
she was thinking about the lack of pictures or hideous pink rooms when the man
with her was slipping his hands underneath her loose yellow top and feeling the
soft skin found there. She realized with alarm that she wasn�t concentrating on
what was going on - wasn�t concentrating on him - and was allowing herself to
dwell on exactly the things she didn�t want to. Fingers laced into the dark
curls of his hair, urgently pulling down to deepen the kiss further as her eyes
slid shut. She began to slowly descend to the mattress below, pulling him down
with her, when she felt the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed, causing
her to sit down. Instead of feeling him pushing her to lie back, as she had
expected, she felt him kneel beside the bed, in-between her legs, their lips
now level. Puzzled, she pulled back slightly to regard him, and he gave a small
lopsided mischievous grin.

Somewhere, deep
inside, some of the weight upon her heart lifted with that smile. But those
brown eyes pierced her soul and made her want to close her eyes.

I�m not that little girl. I never will be. She�s sweet,
nice, kind, happy�

Their eyes locked
as he moved his head to her exposed neck, placing kisses upon the pale skin
there and drawing a small pleasurable sigh from the woman. He moved his kisses
down along the sides of her neck to her collarbone and then the small amount of
skin exposed above her shirt that led directly to her chest. Without bothering
to ask, he undid the fastening of the yellow top, allowing her breasts to spill
out from their confines. She hissed as the chilled air of the room moved across
her exposed flesh, but soon a mouth sought to rectify the situation with warm
kisses and licks. She held his head tightly against her, urging him to continue
lavishing her with his tongue, and was mildly disappointed when instead of the
continued attention to her breasts as she had expected, he moved in-between the
mounds to begin kissing his way down to her navel.

Hands that had
previously been preoccupied with the small of her back after they had unhooked
her shirt were now were traveling down her sides, sending small shivers
coursing through her body. They rested firmly upon her hips and his fingers
slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts, only managing to pull them down
slightly. Taking the hint, and desperate to have the cloth barrier gone, she
lifted her hips to allow him to slide the offending article of clothing away,
tossing it haphazardly behind him. The shorts could easily be found and
retrieved in the morning; Faye wanted him now.

He paused to glance
up at her, and she feared for a moment what he would see in the glazed green
depths. Were her eyes too cold and unfeeling? Too warm and inviting? Too
truthful or too filled with lies? Too young or too old? Could he see the want
in them? Or did he see the thinly veiled need there as well? She bit her bottom
lip in worry, as he kept looking straight into her eyes, and she feared the
analytical gaze. She couldn�t take his scrutinizing her any longer and she
closed her eyes, trying to lose herself in the sensations of her body. She
couldn�t decide if his gaze was causing the warm feelings swirling through her
or if they were being dampened by his steel cold look.

She just wanted to
be lost in physical feelings and pleasures.

I could never be that.

�Look at me Faye.�
His warm breath sent shivers down her spine as it hit her stomach, and she
tried to ignore the instinct to obey his command. She didn�t want to look, not
quite yet, not when she still was struggling to maintain the fa�ade.

Another shiver
struck her when she realized she was no longer sure what fa�ade she was trying
to keep up. What mask was she supposed to be wearing now? The vixen or the shy
damsel in distress?

Dimly, the image of
a little girl flashed in her mind�s eye. A young teenage girl she neither
recognized nor could call a stranger.

Do you see her�and wish that she was me?

She bit the inside
of her lip. He kissed the inside of her thigh. The simultaneous actions brought
her back to the moment, and she let out a deep sigh and finally opened her
eyes. She couldn�t allow herself to get lost in her own thoughts, and closing
her eyes seemed to result in that unwanted situation.

She locked eyes
with the man who was currently kneeling in between her legs and scrutinizing
her face.

He placed another
kiss on the inside of her thigh, this time closer to her center, closer to
where she wanted him to be. He slowly ran his hand up the inside of the other
thigh, and as the hand moved its way up her flesh, the small kisses followed on
their own set path. Each of his movements seemed torturously slow, torturously
arousing in his leisurely approach, and all the while they continued to
intently look at each other. His stare, as he casually kissed the sensitive
skin of the juncture at the top her thigh, heightened the heated excitement
that surrounded her.

He paused, as her
sex was framed by his hand on one side and his lips painfully close on the
other, and she felt her breath catch as she finally saw some deep struggle in
her comrade. She saw it there, hidden within dark brown irises, that although
he obviously he enjoyed his own games, he too was wanting her. Desire. It was
there, right there, and she could see it.

That, more than
anything else, almost made her jump up from her prone position to trap him on
the floor and have sex right there. Thankfully her restraint prevailed.

She was rewarded when
after those few moments pause, he bent his neck down to her center, those brown
eyes still gazing at her, and dipped his tongue between her moist folds, and
after a few slow long licks began to greedily invade the warmth there, sucking
and licking with fervor. She had to resist the incredible urge at that moment
to close her eyes, and instead settled on a quiet low moan. She felt him smirk
against her as he dutifully continued his task of bringing her intense
pleasure, and although she attempted a scowl, she quickly gave up in favor of
beginning to try and move her hips in time with his ministrations. Fingers
previously twisted into the starch blue sheets of her bed, found their way to
tangle into the dark curly locks of his hair, using their grip to push his head
down towards her further, trying to deepen the shallow penetration. He
momentarily considered ignoring her silent pleas for more in favor of
prolonging the teasing. But that changed when her legs wrapped around him,
squeezing against his back, and she began panting his name. Liquid fire curled
its way through his stomach and loins, as her husky voice filled his ears, a
small groan admitting from his own lips before finally delving deeper as she
desired. When her hips became more active, trying to move against his mouth,
his grip upon her waist tightened to pin her to the bed, with little resistance
on her part.

She was so close to
the edge. So very, very close. Just a few more licks, just a flick or two of
his tongue against her nub, would send her crashing into sensual oblivion. She
moaned his name again and arched her back welcoming her impending orgasm.

He pulled away much
to her frustration. Thoughts of ways to sexually torture him as an act of
revenge swam rapidly through her head despite the fog of arousal in her brain.

When he slowly
looked up from in between her legs, a sly smirk forming, she downright wanted
to murder him - after they fucked.

Please�just see�me� and no one else

She sat up as best
she could and shot him an icy glare, to which there was no response except his
devilish smile.

�Why the hell did
you stop??�

�Oh, did you want
me to continue?� She wasn�t certain, but it looked as if he was waggling his
eyebrows at her. Was that even possible?

Now a normal �Faye
response� would have included a roll of her eyes and lethal words from her
sharp and sarcastic tongue - most likely followed by a slap against the side of
his head for punctuation. So you can imagine his surprise when instead of the
expected customary retort, she instead managed to sit up and lean towards him,
her hands going to either side of face and fingers lacing into his hair.� Tilting her head to the side, she moved her
lips to his ear, grazing the lobe with her teeth.

�I not only wanted
you to continue, I wanted you to make it even better by joining me in the
finish.�

The sultry
whispered words made his eyes darken and his previous smirk quickly strained
into a thin set line.

Without another
word between them, he moved his head to capture her lips in a harsh kiss, her
mouth opening without hesitation to welcome his intruding tongue. With one
fluid movement, he managed to rise up and push her back onto the bed, lips lock
throughout the whole ordeal of him falling atop her and readjusting their limbs
to latch onto one another. The bed quickly became a mess of dislodged sheets,
legs wrapped together, hands clutching at anything they could grasp onto, and a
missing pillow that had been knocked down to the floor, forgotten in the
desperate need to be closer. As he continued to ravage her mouth with his own,
both of their hands moved for his sweatpants simultaneously, fighting to pull
the elastic down past his hips and then knees. Finally he kicked the black
pants away and she could feel his hardened member rubbing against the inside of
her thigh.

She could feel his
shoulders tense as he resisted the urge to penetrate her and instead choose to
break their kiss and move his lips to trail down her rose tinted chest. He
panted against her skin, tasting the slight traces of salty perspiration on her
skin. He rested his head against her bosom, pressing his forehead to the space
between, breathing deeply and trying to regain control over his frazzled
senses.

She moaned his name
again and pressed her hips upward against his, urging him to move and relieve
some of the mounting tension. His head shot up to look at her half lidded eyes
laced with desire. Shoulders tensed again and his mouth seemed to go impossibly
dry just from looking at her.

She dug her nails
into the skin of his back, a mischievous light growing behind her dark green
eyes, �Tell me, do you plan to ever move?�

�Be quiet, you,� he
replied by greedily capturing her lips again. And with his lunge upwards to do
so, he finally slide within her slick passage, to their mutual relief.

Their movements
were erratic at first, unable to time their thrusts in their frantic need for
pleasure; small grunts and moans filled the air despite the inconsistent pace.
Even with his bruisingly hard grip upon her hip and her thigh to pull her
tighter against him, and trying to synchronize their actions, she still seemed
to have no sense of pace, her speed and movements fluctuating as she wildly
clawed at his skin trying to find purchase.

Despite her best
intentions, her thoughts drifted back to earlier in the day as he moved against
her.� She led a different life just a
mere fifteen hours ago and now things had changed. She hadn�t wanted them to
change, not this way, but they had regardless. She wanted time to stop. She
wanted to rewind the day and go back, just as in the tape. Letting those fuzzy
bits of �memories� that kept appearing, to be sucked back into her subconscious,
into the black vortex. She wanted it all to rewind, erase, to never have had it
happen.

With his head
nestled against the crook of her neck, he could feel her erratic pulse against
his lips that occasionally lightly nipped at the juncture of her shoulder. Finally
fed up with the actions that seemed to be getting nowhere, he raised himself up
to lean over her, resting all his weight on outstretched arms placed on either
side of her shoulders. Her eyes were closed and white teeth delicately bit her
lower lips as purples strands of hair, darkened from sweat, stuck to her
forehead. She looked lost.

When he pulled away
from her, although he still remained inside of her, her labored breathing
stilled momentarily and she lazily opened her eyes, having to concentrate on
the face that seemed to waver above her. �What�s wrong?� she asked, panting and
trailing her hands from his back to grip lightly at the sides of his neck.
�Come now, you can�t already be done?� she said, giving a coy smile.

�What do you want
Faye?�

Now I�m thinking� that I wish I hadn�t found her. Because
�my only self� is�has grown to be�

Her smile faltered
as her face froze in brief panic, her dark emerald eyes widening, as mahogany
eyes seemed to pierce her fro the umpteenth time that night. �W-what do you
mean?� she asked, trying to give a small grin that really only made one corner
of her mouth rise. When he didn�t smile back, much less change the grim
expression on his face, she gave up the failed pretense of confusion, and instead
looked back at him with an equally serious look.

�I mean what do you
want right now, because it doesn�t appear to be� this,� he muttered,
emphasizing his point with a small thrust forward, bringing their bodies
together again. The question echoed in her mind, near impossible to answer at
the moment. To answer the question would be to admit to dwelling on her unhappy
thoughts, even during sex, and admit to the deep need within her to erase them,
if only for a few stolen hours. �I do want this,� she said softly,
pressing up against him as best she could, eager to convey her words physically.
The fleeting glimpse of wavering resistance was there in his eyes and
demonstrated by the small groan he gave with her attempt to coax him back into
sex. Her fingers pressed down firmly against the back of his neck and shoulders
as she used them as leverage to lift herself up again, pressing against him
harder resulting in his member moving deeper inside of her. A much louder groan
emitted from his lips on her third thrust, and on the fourth, he was fully back
on top of her, their thrusts finally timed correctly to heighten their
pleasure.

She kept her eyes
open this time, concentrating solely on everything that involved the two of
them, everything that was that current moment of lust and desire and nothing
else; everything that kept her from thinking her dark thoughts concerning the
�past�. Anything that allowed her to fool herself into believing that the �past�
was of no importance to her and the only thing that mattered was the man above
her with whom she was having sex. If she didn�t fool herself, she ran the
dangerous risk of being unable to fool him, and he was far too perceptive to
allow such a transgression to take place. Hot wet kisses consumed her mouth,
breathy moans and rough grunts filled her ears, and fiery touches fueled her
pleasure and desire allowing her to get lost in the lie as the pressure within
her center mounted.

A fraud.

She could feel the
end nearing, waiting with eager anticipation to be thrown into the dark abyss
of ecstasy. And judging by his increasingly forceful drives into her, he too
was very close to the edge. His head moved beside her own, his mouth right over
her ear, his voice a husky whisper as he had trouble managing to form the
words, �What do you want Faye?� His hand slid down her side to move between
them and move between the soft dark purple curls to press firmly against the
engorged jewel he found there. Her back arched and she gasped loudly, wrapping
her legs firmly around the backs of his thighs and calves, any type of logical
thought, much less attempts at speech, leaving her brain in a flurry. �Tell me
what you want,� he repeated for the third time that night and made the move to
make her move into him again and make her give that enticing moan that made him
shudder.

�I want to forget,�
the words slipping out of her mouth before she could even process what she was
saying. Small tendrils of fear in regards to his reaction crept up, trying to
reach out and obliterate the drug like haze that kept the reality of herself at
bay. Much to her relief, he did not still their hurried movements or turn to
look at her in shock or confusion; it seemed that no other words were needed as
he understood immediately what she meant. In fact, in response, he moved his
head to kiss her again attempting to greedily steal precious breathes of air
from her already overexerted lungs. The result was a true haze that muddled her
mind and made her feel as if she was disconnected from her body, floating and
no longer herself. All she could do was feel.

But that little
girl still stood there, off in the distance, waving her arms in an attempt to
be noticed.

I�m sorry me. I�m sorry I wasn�t who you wanted me to be.
If you are in fact me.

She wanted to erase
the tape. Again.� Just as it had been
erased fifty years ago. She didn�t want that film back now. Didn�t want dream-like
memories � just wanted the black unknowing void back.

And I�m sorry that when you look at me�

�So forget then,�
he mumbled against her lips, peering at her through bangs that hung over his
eyes. Despite the dim lighting that gave a dull hue to everything in the room,
her eyes still seemed to sparkle and he could tell she was deeply contemplating
his offer, despite the more �pressing� matter. He stilled within her, waiting
for her answer. Suddenly she moved upwards, forcefully pressing her lips
against his and her hands gripping him even tighter to her. When she finally
pulled back from the harsh and needy kiss, that coy look of mischief was
boiling behind her gaze, the look that he was used to receiving from her; that
look alone managed to speak volumes and answer the question.

�Fuck me,� she
said. He grunted as she pulled her hips back to the best of her limited capabilities,
the friction making him bite the inside of his cheek. Wisely, he took her cue,
and pulled back as well till only the head of his pulsing length was at her
opening. �Fuck me,� she repeated, her eyes holding a challenge in their green
depths. He momentarily held her gaze before deciding to take the bait. Pushing
himself fully into her, they began their rapid thrusting, working in tandem to
bring the other closer to desired completion. �Fuck me so I can forget me,� she
whispered breathily against his shoulder, the small plea barely reaching his
ears above the sound of his heartbeat.

�Faye�,� was all he
could manage as he felt the end nearing. She gasped and writhed beneath him,
moaning his name as she finally allowed the pleasure to completely wash over
her, quickly losing herself in pure feeling. She lost herself in feeling
him - in being with him - and having nothing else matter during those few
precious moments as her veins seemed to pulse with barely contained heat that
was threatening to ignite into flames. And with that heat and the impending
flames of orgasm, any remaining traces of an adolescent girl in a cheerleading
outfit and pompoms vanished in a white hot light that filled her vision.

She let loose a
hoarse yell that filled the small room and echoed off the metal walls, soon
joined by his own deep groans, which accompanied the release of his seed.

I�m sorry that I don�t know who I am.

They lay there on
her small bed amongst the disheveled sheets, heavy panting interrupted by the
occasional small kiss given to the side of a neck or a shoulder; a tangle of
sweaty limbs and bodies. As the last intoxicating feelings of their orgasmic
rush began to fade, he finally pulled out of her and moved to her side,
wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her firmly against him so they
faced each other. She felt one of his hands come up; the light touch of his
fingertips traced along her chin and move up the line of her jaw to cross over
onto her still flushed cheeks. When those fingers brushed against her still
closed lids, she realized she had no choice but to face the reality of life,
despite her precious but brief escape. Slowly she allowed her eyes to flicker
open and readjust to the light and the person directly in front of her who
peered intently at her. The sight of deep mahogany momentarily sped up her
heart and panic overtook her mind; the peril of unanswered questions and confusing
half-memories threatening to spill back into her consciousness. The panic must
have reached her eyes and become clearly visible to her companion, as he
hastily closed the gap between them and kissed her fully on the lips, before
quickly pulling back and giving a small grimace, �Stop that.�

�What?� she asked
honestly confused with what exactly he was demanding she stop doing.

�Stop thinking, and
just go to sleep,� he said, giving an irritated sigh complete with a customary
eye roll. She opened her mouth with the start of a protest before he quickly
cut off all further attempts at her excuses: �Just forget it. I told you the
past didn�t matter, so just fucking forget it.�

�Bu-�

�I�m going to
sleep, you should too,� he murmured, closing his own eyes, as she continued to
stare at him, traces of irritation in her eyes. When she was about to open her
mouth again - most likely to provoke him in some way to start a small fight -
he instead pulled her tighter against him and let out a deep sigh as he nuzzled
the top of her head with his own. �Just sleep. I�ll protect you from the
boogieman under your bed.�

She didn�t have to
look up to visually confirm the small smile she heard in his voice. And while
typically she�d be annoyed at his teasing, although only a slight
transgression, she paused before finally relaxing in his grasp and weaving her
arm under his to wrap over his side, moving her head to rest against the top of
his chest. Just this once, she�d allow him to stay in her bed and comfort her.
Even though she�d never dare admit she needed it and this intimacy after sex
was a violation of their unofficial rules of engagement. If he was willing to
stay, she was willing to have him there, just to let her have some security and
assurance that sleep would come unhindered and untainted by dreams of the ghost
of a teenage girl.

She titled her head
up to place a small kiss to the hollow of his throat and received a grunt and a
tightening of his grasp around her, in response. She smiled against his skin
and allowed her eyes to close.

My only self.

When she awoke in
the morning, her bed was devoid of any life save her own, and his clothes were
gone from the messy floor. She noticed the beer cans were also gone, probably
in the incinerator already, or out on the kitchen counter for Jet to find. She
sat up with a small sigh, her sheets falling away to expose her naked form, and
moved a hand through her tangled hair attempting to move it out of her eyes.
That�s when her eyes fell upon the end of her bed.

�You�re still me, but you�re a newer version � Am I
alone, or is there a wonderful person next to me. Well knowing me, I�m sure
you�re causing all kinds of trouble for lots of different people. I�m sorry, I
don�t mean to. But it�s alright, that�s part of life too, isn�t it? You�re not
perfect, but you�ve got a lot to give, so remember, I�ll always be cheering you
on.�

There, nestled in
between the blue sheets was the black plastic box she�d been so desperately searching
for the night before.

I can�t remember. I can�t remember what self I am
anymore.

And on top, a
simple note. She snatched the white paper up eagerly, as if afraid it might
disappear before she had a chance to read the words hastily scratched in black
ink in the messy familiar scrawl of her partner.

Alone�or with�

�You don�t need
this, because the past isn�t necessary, but I know you want it,� she read
aloud. And then beneath that, in much smaller print, �She�s cheering for you to
find what you lost -- Spike.�

A wonderful person beside me?

She looked at the
paper blankly for a few more seconds, before grabbing for the tape and turning
it over in her hands a few times, feeling the hard smooth surface beneath her
delicate manicured hands.

Alone�

She glanced up to
the metal wall beside her bed and noticed a picture suspended between the wall
and one of the various pipes. One of the Bebop crew that Ed had insisted upon
after a bounty capture near Ganymede. The lot of them were gathered around the
captured man who incidentally had black marker all over his face from their young
resident artist who still held the evidence in her hand. Even Ein was in the
captured memory, barking up at the man, as Jet grinned at the prospect of
money. In the background were the last two bounty hunters both sucking on
cigarettes and looking bored with the whole ordeal.

The picture was up
there on her wall, strikingly obvious against the otherwise bare walls. The
picture of the Bebop crew. The picture of her comrades. The picture of her�

I don�t know what or who I am anymore. But I�ll keep
looking to find out. I need to find my�

family.

home.

Never Part II: Wolf Cub is
based upon Episode 19 of Cowboy Bebop: Speak Like a Child.

Two parts remain for the cowgirl.
- 1
- 2
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