Without Feeling
folder
+M to R › Neon Genesis Evangelion
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
5,094
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+M to R › Neon Genesis Evangelion
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
5,094
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chance
A/N: I still do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. Wish I did. There\'d be way more Kaoru in it if I did. Speaking of which, I was informed that the official Gainax (or however it\'s spelled) spelling of \"Kaoru\" is \"Kaworu.\" I knew that most fanfics referred to him a \"Kaworu\" but my videotapes spelled it \"Kaoru.\" I like that spelling better anyway, so it\'s staying that way. Also, if anything mentioned here is incorrect or OoC, please feel free to let me know. And remember, if you are enjoying this, please review. I\'m having a great time writing this fic, and if people are enjoying it, that\'s even better.
Warnings: Shounen ai. SPOILERS.
¡°Without Feeling¡±
Chapter 2: Chance
------------- ------------ --------
The synchronization testing went on for what seemed like forever. Rei in Unit 00, Shinji in Unit 01, Kaoru in Unit 02. The first, third, and fifth child.
Shinji¡¯s mind was buzzing with thoughts of all kinds. Eva, fighting, Tokyo 03. Misato, Nerv, father. Asuka, angels... Kaoru. It kept going back to Kaoru.
His heart sped up every time his thoughts made their circular path back to the fifth child. He worried that Misato or maybe one of the technicians would notice the increase in heart rate and say something about it, but so far no such thing had happened. Perhaps they just chalked it up to nerves or stress or something of the sort.
//Yeah, stress... Well that¡¯s not REALLY too far from the truth, now is it? Why can¡¯t I stop thinking about Kaoru?//
//Kaoru... He was so kind to me out at the beach. So nice and so calm and so accepting and so... undemanding. Not like Asuka... Not like Misato. Not like father. He didn¡¯t want anything from me. Not anything. He just LOOKED at me, smiled at me, blinked at me with those eyes and those lips andthathairand-//
He could hear the annoying sound of his heart monitor pinging out loud and fast and still gaining speed. He could feel the blood rushing through his veins. He felt lightheaded and almost giddy. He felt as if he might pass out. He clenched his hand tight. He felt....
//I feel...?//
He felt his blood heading down, straight to his stomach. He started to see spots and he felt his eyes drift shut.
//Oh God. I need oxygen! I need to-//
'Breathe Shinji!/~
//Who said that?!?!//
No reply.
Shinji sighed heavily, oxygen pouring into and out of his lungs. Ahh, yes, there was a reason after all that he respected it so. It kept you alive. Always there for you, when nothing else was.
//Kaoru.//
He opened his eyes.
To his surprise testing was finally over. Misato was directing him through the speaker to prepare to be released. He squirmed uncomfortably and tried to take a few deep cleansing breaths; wipe the silver haired boy from his mind¡¯s eye. Think about anything else. He couldn¡¯t very well get out of his Eva in this condition, his erection wedged painfully between his thigh and the springy material of his plug-suit.
Deep breath. //Think about something else.// Deep breath. //Don¡¯t think about Kaoru.// //Kaoru// //Kao-//
//Damnit, breathe!//
Walk. Talk. Exist without feeling.
--------- --------- ---------- --------- ------- -------- --------- -------- -------- -------- -------- --
Shinji sat in the cold hall. Metal pressed around him blankly from all sides. The ceiling, the walls, the floor. Sterile. Unfriendly. Unyielding.
Unimpressive.
Music whispered calmly through Shinji¡¯s headset. He could see the notes before him in pinks and blues and peaches and greys. Contentment was only a hand¡¯s grasp away; if he could close his eyes tight enough, listen to the music hard enough, see the colors bright enough he could be somewhere else. Somewhere good.
But he just didn¡¯t have it in him. He couldn¡¯t feel the music. It only passed the time.
And to Shinji, that was almost worse than having no music at all. Which was rather depressing. Which made him feel...
Breathe.
//It smells like rubbing alcohol in here.//
He wrinkled his nose in distaste at the smell he had come to be familiar with, the smell of Nerv. It wasn¡¯t nearly as strong as it once had been. He idly wondered, having given up on focusing his entire being on the music, whether or not the smell was actually decreasing or his tolerance increasing.
His head in his lap, he didn¡¯t notice at first that Kaoru was standing right in front of him. Waiting.
What had he, Shinji, been waiting for?
//A chance.//
//A chance to...?//
//Just a chance.//
¡°Hello. You weren¡¯t waiting here for me...¡±
He could feel the blush creeping into his cheeks. He wondered if his father ever blushed.
¡°...were you?¡±
//Yes, I was.//
¡°No! Well, not really waiting anyway.¡± He pulled the headphones out of his ears and piled them in his lap without bothering to turn the music off. ¡°Ode to Joy¡± wafted through the room, quiet and tinny, distorted with distance.
¡°So.¡± A warm smile and a few small steps put Kaoru¡¯s slim form a body¡¯s width away from Shinji. ¡°What are you doing for the rest of the day?¡±
¡°Well usually when tests are over I¡¯ll just take a shower and go home.¡±
Kaoru spoke, kind words that made Shinji feel special and good. That made Shinji feel something other than despair and seclusion. That almost made Shinji feel-
¡°May I come with you? To the shower, I mean?¡±
//NO! Nonononono NO.//
¡°Y-yeah?¡±
¡°Or do you mean ¡®No¡¯?¡±
Walk. Talk. Exist without feeling.
------------- --------------
-TBC
------- ------- -------------
Warnings: Shounen ai. SPOILERS.
¡°Without Feeling¡±
Chapter 2: Chance
------------- ------------ --------
The synchronization testing went on for what seemed like forever. Rei in Unit 00, Shinji in Unit 01, Kaoru in Unit 02. The first, third, and fifth child.
Shinji¡¯s mind was buzzing with thoughts of all kinds. Eva, fighting, Tokyo 03. Misato, Nerv, father. Asuka, angels... Kaoru. It kept going back to Kaoru.
His heart sped up every time his thoughts made their circular path back to the fifth child. He worried that Misato or maybe one of the technicians would notice the increase in heart rate and say something about it, but so far no such thing had happened. Perhaps they just chalked it up to nerves or stress or something of the sort.
//Yeah, stress... Well that¡¯s not REALLY too far from the truth, now is it? Why can¡¯t I stop thinking about Kaoru?//
//Kaoru... He was so kind to me out at the beach. So nice and so calm and so accepting and so... undemanding. Not like Asuka... Not like Misato. Not like father. He didn¡¯t want anything from me. Not anything. He just LOOKED at me, smiled at me, blinked at me with those eyes and those lips andthathairand-//
He could hear the annoying sound of his heart monitor pinging out loud and fast and still gaining speed. He could feel the blood rushing through his veins. He felt lightheaded and almost giddy. He felt as if he might pass out. He clenched his hand tight. He felt....
//I feel...?//
He felt his blood heading down, straight to his stomach. He started to see spots and he felt his eyes drift shut.
//Oh God. I need oxygen! I need to-//
'Breathe Shinji!/~
//Who said that?!?!//
No reply.
Shinji sighed heavily, oxygen pouring into and out of his lungs. Ahh, yes, there was a reason after all that he respected it so. It kept you alive. Always there for you, when nothing else was.
//Kaoru.//
He opened his eyes.
To his surprise testing was finally over. Misato was directing him through the speaker to prepare to be released. He squirmed uncomfortably and tried to take a few deep cleansing breaths; wipe the silver haired boy from his mind¡¯s eye. Think about anything else. He couldn¡¯t very well get out of his Eva in this condition, his erection wedged painfully between his thigh and the springy material of his plug-suit.
Deep breath. //Think about something else.// Deep breath. //Don¡¯t think about Kaoru.// //Kaoru// //Kao-//
//Damnit, breathe!//
Walk. Talk. Exist without feeling.
--------- --------- ---------- --------- ------- -------- --------- -------- -------- -------- -------- --
Shinji sat in the cold hall. Metal pressed around him blankly from all sides. The ceiling, the walls, the floor. Sterile. Unfriendly. Unyielding.
Unimpressive.
Music whispered calmly through Shinji¡¯s headset. He could see the notes before him in pinks and blues and peaches and greys. Contentment was only a hand¡¯s grasp away; if he could close his eyes tight enough, listen to the music hard enough, see the colors bright enough he could be somewhere else. Somewhere good.
But he just didn¡¯t have it in him. He couldn¡¯t feel the music. It only passed the time.
And to Shinji, that was almost worse than having no music at all. Which was rather depressing. Which made him feel...
Breathe.
//It smells like rubbing alcohol in here.//
He wrinkled his nose in distaste at the smell he had come to be familiar with, the smell of Nerv. It wasn¡¯t nearly as strong as it once had been. He idly wondered, having given up on focusing his entire being on the music, whether or not the smell was actually decreasing or his tolerance increasing.
His head in his lap, he didn¡¯t notice at first that Kaoru was standing right in front of him. Waiting.
What had he, Shinji, been waiting for?
//A chance.//
//A chance to...?//
//Just a chance.//
¡°Hello. You weren¡¯t waiting here for me...¡±
He could feel the blush creeping into his cheeks. He wondered if his father ever blushed.
¡°...were you?¡±
//Yes, I was.//
¡°No! Well, not really waiting anyway.¡± He pulled the headphones out of his ears and piled them in his lap without bothering to turn the music off. ¡°Ode to Joy¡± wafted through the room, quiet and tinny, distorted with distance.
¡°So.¡± A warm smile and a few small steps put Kaoru¡¯s slim form a body¡¯s width away from Shinji. ¡°What are you doing for the rest of the day?¡±
¡°Well usually when tests are over I¡¯ll just take a shower and go home.¡±
Kaoru spoke, kind words that made Shinji feel special and good. That made Shinji feel something other than despair and seclusion. That almost made Shinji feel-
¡°May I come with you? To the shower, I mean?¡±
//NO! Nonononono NO.//
¡°Y-yeah?¡±
¡°Or do you mean ¡®No¡¯?¡±
Walk. Talk. Exist without feeling.
------------- --------------
-TBC
------- ------- -------------