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Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy	By : Lucythebeast Category: +M to R > Neon Genesis Evangelion Views: 28767 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Required Disclaimer: Still no own. Still no money. Too evil for a conscience. I think I might just have some jelly donuts around here now, however� Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX! And stuff.

Chapter 2: Bravery In The Face Of Cowardice

Commander Ikari turned his gaze reluctantly away from the injured Rei to gaze at his son, whom he seemed surprised to see there. �Pilot Ikari? What are you doing here?� He inquired in a stern tone.

The third child looked down at his feet. �I came in to see Ayanami.�

�For what purpose?� Gendo asked, his voice betraying no emotion. Shinji blushed but made no response. �It's time for you to leave then. Go home.�

Shinji's eyes widened. That was the last thing he wanted to do. But, he would obey because he was raised and trained to. �Hai, Commander Ikari.� As he stood to get up, Rei tightened her hold on his hand in her sleep. Shinji nearly lost his balance but recovered before he fell. He blushed as Gendo seemed to be scowling down at him, though his expression was still blank. �I'm sorry, commander. I believe Ayanami does not wish for me to leave.�

The commander was silent for a few moments, making the third child nervous before he stated, �Pilot Ayanami is unconscious. Her wishes are none of your concern. Go home.�

Shinji grit his teeth together. Every shred in his being was telling him to stay but he knew he had to leave. He tried to pull his hand free from the first child's grasp once more, but her grip became painfully tight. Shinji grimaced and continued to pull and nearly dragged Rei out of the bed before he stopped. �Ayanami does not want me to leave, sir.� Shinji repeated.

�I will bring guards in here then to escort you out. Do not disobey me again, Ikari.� Commander Ikari stated sharply. As he turned to walk out, a soft voice made him stop.

�Commander?� He turned to see Rei's eyes half open and she fixed her red eyes upon the man.

Commander Ikari scowled at his son but chose to ignore him for now. He stepped over to the first child and knelt down. For a moment his face seemed tenderer, though it may have been a trick of the light. �Pilot Ayanami. How are you feeling?� He inquired with his voice slightly more gentle than the third child had ever heard it.

The red-eyed girl blinked a few times before responding. �I am injured.�

Shinji bit the inside of his lip to keep from snickering at the matter-of-fact response from the girl. Gendo glared at his son for a moment before looking back at Rei. �You destroyed your Eva unit. Your usefulness is rather limited now, Pilot Ayanami.�

Rei was silent, but Shinji couldn't keep his mouth shut no matter how hard he bit his tongue. �Sir, please do not speak to Ayanami that way.� When Gendo turned to face his son, it was with a dangerous intensity that immediately cowed the boy. �Pardon me, father.�

�Shinji, I will only tell you one last time. Go home.� The elder Ikari commanded.

Shinji looked at Rei whom shook her head slightly. �Please stay with me for a while, Shinji-kun.� She requested in a soft tender voice.

Shinji nodded immediately, his face slightly flushed. �Hai, Rei-san.�

Gendo's face darkened a bit at Rei's familiar tone as well as her undermining of his authority. �Pilot Ayanami, it is best if he goes home. Pilot Ikari has had a long day, and there are things we must discuss that are not for his ears.� �Stop resisting my authority!' He added in his thoughts.

�I am injured. Shinji-kun gives me comfort. If you wish to discuss matters with me, either do so now or wait until I am feeling better.� The blue-haired girl responded emotionlessly, though a tiny spark of rebelliousness shimmered in her eyes.

It was the first time since she was a child that Rei had been so defiant to his authority. Gendo was actually proud of her for standing up for herself, but the Commander Ikari in him was infuriated. His face twitched as the two sides in him made war with one another. Anger won. �Do not defy me, Rei. Allow Pilot Ikari to leave so that we can talk in private. That is an order .� Though he didn't raise his voice, the statement was made with such firmness that Shinji nearly wet himself.

Rei frowned slightly. She was not yet ready to give in on this matter and she couldn't understand why Commander Ikari was being such a� prick. �Shinji-kun?� The red-eyed girl ignored the vein in Gendo's forehead that became prominent because of the first child's familiar term with his son. �Do you wish to leave or to stay with me?�

Shinji looked between the blue-haired girl and his father. He desperately wanted to stay but disobeying his father was making him a nervous wreck. �I� am not sure, Rei-san. I wish to stay with you, but I should honor my father's wishes.�

The corners of her mouth twitched downwards. �Damn it, Shinji. Stand up for yourself for once in your life!' The first child thought, and then aloud she said �The choice is yours, Shinji-san.�

Shinji's left eye twitched at the now more formal tone in Rei's voice. �Is she angry with me?' �I�� Shinji looked at his father as he paled slightly. He felt Rei squeezing his hand insistently. �Does she not want to be alone with Father? Something must be up. I'm sorry, father.' His decision made, he spoke it aloud. �I will stay, if that is your wish, Rei-san.� Then he began his familiar mental mantra. �I mustn't run away� I mustn't run away�'

Though Gendo was scowling at his son because of his defiance, inwardly he was proud of the boy. �That's my boy! I would have made the same choice in your place. Maybe there is hope for you after all.' But he couldn't let on about his pride in the pilot's bravery, so he responded coldly. �So be it then, Ikari .� The blue-eyed boy flinched at the commander's tone, but Rei's hold on his hand reassured him that he had made the right choice. �I will speak to you when you are feeling better, Pilot Ayanami.� He stood up and paused for a moment to speak to the girl with a bit of tenderness. �Feel better soon, Rei-chan.� He turned his gaze to his son and nodded slightly. �You will take care of Ayanami, na? (na is a very masculine way of saying �right?')�

Shinji nodded. �Of course, father.�

Gendo let the barest of a one-sided smile cross his lips as he reached out and placed his hand on the third child's shoulder for a moment before he turned and left without another word.

Shinji scratched the back of his head. �What was that about? I can't ever figure him out.�

�I think he's proud of you, Shinji-kun. And I am as well.� Rei smiled briefly before she resumed her normal emotionless expression. It was so brief that Shinji wasn't sure if he saw it or not.

The dark-haired boy blushed at the praise. �It was nothing, Rei-san. Arigato.�

The red-eyed girl shifted on the bed and grimaced for a moment before the medication dulled the pain again. �Shinji-kun?�

�Hai, Aya� eh� Rei-chan?� The third child sneezed. �Uh, Rei-san?�

Rei was silent for a moment which spurred Shinji into stuttering a few apologies. The blue-haired girl seemed to ignore the affectionate term, however. �Would you read to me? Or tell me a story, perhaps?�

The blue-eyed boy looked around nervously until he spotted a book up on a shelf. He walked over to it and looked at it. �Eh, it's a children's book. Princess, ronin hero, that sort of thing.� His tone was disappointed.

�Read it to me, please?� The girl's red eyes narrowed as the pain grew steadily. �I do not wish to take any more drugs. They make it hard for me to think clearly.'

�Eh� hai, Rei-san. Of course.� The third child sat next to Rei whom immediately retook his hand, making him wince for a moment as she squeezed it hard. Very hard. �Once long ago there was a brave ronin who wandered the countryside�� Shinji read for a few minutes and happened to glance at the first child whose mouth was slightly open in the cutest pout as she slept.

Shinji stared at her in awe for hours until he couldn't keep his own eyes open anymore and he fell asleep where he was, still holding her hand. The book dropped to the floor, forgotten.

***************************

Misato walked into the control center and frowned when she saw that Asuka was still in her Eva unit. �What's wrong with her? Have you tried ejecting her yet?�

Maya looked up at the major and smiled briefly. �She wanted to stay in and see if she could raise her sync ratio back to normal. So far, she hasn't topped 15%.�

Major Katsuragi scowled. �She can't even get the Eva to move at that rate.� She tapped the comm. button to speak to the second child. �Pilot Soryu, why are you still in your Eva unit? Come out of there and give yourself a rest.�

�I refuse.� Asuka said in a shaky whisper.

Misato stared in shock up at the comm. window showing the German girl's tear-stained face. �Would you repeat that, please? I know you did not just say what I thought you said, because if so you would be disobeying my order .� The major growled out. �Play it smart, Asuka-chan�'

�I will not exit my Eva unit until I have regained a sufficient sync ratio to pilot her effectively. Soryu out.� Asuka terminated the communication and took deep steadying breaths. Every time she tried to concentrate on syncing with the Eva, images from her mind-rape would flood back into her mind. She was letting out a constant stream of obscenities in English, German, and Japanese as she tried to push past the images.

The people in the command center blushed at each other, for the second child had only flipped off the video. �Kutabare, bakemono ! (Fuck you, monster!)� Asuka screamed, slamming her fists down on the controls. Then she started rocked back and forth in a cold sweat. �Shut up mother. Shut up mother. Shut up mother. Shut up mother. Shut up mother. SHUT UP YOU BITCH!� The red-haired girl chanted.

�Who is she talking to?� Maya wondered aloud.

Misato sighed and hit the comm. button again. �Asuka-chan� please come out of your Eva unit.�

�Wonder girl is dead, isn't she?� The blue-eyed girl asked in a whisper.

The purple haired major frowned before responding. �No, she is alive. Shinji saved her. There is no cause for guilt.�

The German girl laughed hysterically. �Of course, Shinji the Invincible saves the day! Wonder girl lives! And I'm trash. I'm fucking worthless rubbish!�

Major Katsuragi began to sweat. �Perhaps we should cut the power to that Eva� she might go berserk in there.� She suggested in a worried tone.

�Fuck all of you!� The second child screamed. �Piloting this Eva is the only thing that gives my life any meaning. And I can't even do that anymore� my very existence is futile. I have to try� I have to try� Shut up mother. Shut up mother. Shut up mother.' She thought, pressing the heels of her hands to her temples as she focused on that which meant everything in the world to her.

�Sync ratio rising. 18%... 19%.... 23�� Maya stated, watching the readouts.

�She's syncing� but is she stable enough psychologically to handle it?� Makoto wondered aloud.

Major Katsuragi frowned worriedly as she looked up at the demonic red Eva unit. �What is going on in that disturbed head of yours, Asuka-chan?'

�She's holding at 45%.� Lt. Ibuki informed the major.

�That is sufficient to control the Eva in battle when the 17 th angel attacks.� Misato stated. She paced around the room for a few moments then walked back over to flip the comm. back on. �Asuka, your sync ratio is high enough to control the Eva. Please exit Unit 02 now. Do not force me to manually eject you. When you are out and have showered, please report to Dr. Kagame for psychological evaluation.�

�Hai, Katsuragi-shousa.� Asuka said simply. She had accomplished what she had set out to do and she felt relieved. She was by no means back to her normal self, but where the second child was concerned, what could be considered normal?

****************************

Gendo sat in the SEELE conference room and scowled behind his folded hands. �So Pilot Ayanami survived, then?� One of the members asked.

�That is correct. Her Eva was irreparably damaged, however.� Commander Ikari replied.

�But she herself can still be of use to us, after the last angel is dealt with, is that correct?� Another member asked.

�� Hai. As long as she would be willing.� Gendo replied reluctantly.

�Then it is your duty to make sure she is willing. The Human Instrumentality Project takes precedence over her wishes, Ikari. Do not forget this.� They stated firmly. �With the Lance of Longinus lost to us, we will have to make use of Unit 01 and Ayanami. You will make sure she will comply with our plan.�

Gendo growled softly. �Of course.� He replied, then he thought to himself , �Bastards. We'll see who controls the third impact. Rei is my little girl, not yours .'

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Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy