Of Her Nature IV | By : cupnjava Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 1341 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Part Two : Forgive Me Sun, for I Believe I Have Sinned.
Sanzo, Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo set up camp and sat around their campfire. The red flames lapped hungrily at the black ink of the night. Speaking of hungry, someone had been particularly quiet for a while.
Sanzo looked over at Goku, his charge had been more child-like than normal lately, he’d been unusually quiet and hadn’t complained about being hungry nearly enough. Sanzo knew something was amiss.
Goku stared into the fire with a vacuous look on his face. Gojyo began to wonder if he was sleeping with his eyes open again. “Goku?,” Gojyo tentatively asked.
“Hmmm?”, was the verbal response form the man-child, his expression unwavering.
Gojyo, Hakkai, and Sanzo exchanged glances.
“What is it Goku?” Sanzo asked against his better judgment.
“Nothing,” was Goku’s small reply.
Hakkai was beginning to wonder if Goku was even blinking. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Sanzo looked at Hakkai through the corner of his eye. The peace was nice.
“Talk about what?” Goku flatly inquired. His eyes never left the flames.
Hakkai smiled. “It’s been seven months since your time with her. Surely, you want to talk about it.”
Goku blinked and looked at Sanzo. Sanzo made brief eye contact and then looked away. Goku looked back at the fire.
Gojyo smiled mischievously. “Yeah monkey, you haven’t shared a thing about it.” The red-haired gigolo had even tricked Hakkai into sharing a little bit about his time with her --- behind Sanzo’s back of course.
Goku thought about the talks that --- no, that’s not quite right --- the listens he had with Gojyo and Hakkai on separate occasions --- behind Sanzo’s back of course.
The priest seemed to want to forget anything had changed with Goku. The rest of the group had thought it best to let Sanzo have his moment of denial, but now Goku was regressing. He was withdrawing within himself, and even Sanzo had to admit there had to be some unresolved issues.
Goku remembered:
“Well, now that you’ve tasted the sweet nectar that is woman, there are a few things you should know.” Goku looked up at Gojyo as the demon half breed draped an arm around the young man’s shoulders.
“Something has happened to you that will change your life forever.” Hakkai smiled at the young man. “Come, sit with me and let’s talk.”
“There are some rules you should know about.” A red-eye winked at him, “Always, and I mean always, monkey, make sure they are of age. Get ID if you have to. I don’t care if they are going to turn 18 at midnight, you wait until 12:01.”
“Sexual expression and sexuality are beautiful gifts.” Warm green eyes looked at him. “You should never get a gift using any kind of force. If you have to result to violence, then the gift isn’t yours to have. There is a certain age at which our customs have determined one is able to comprehend the meaning behind sharing that gift. You should heed that.”
“Remember, consenting adults are key --- I will kick your ass! And animals --- umm…” Gojyo looked at Goku and suppressed a laugh “Er…normal animals…umm…regular animals should be considered off limits -- period.”
Hakkai continued, “The physical expression of love is best enjoyed in a solid, long term relationship. As you get to know your lover’s needs desires and wants, then the expression of your love for her will become all that much more powerful and meaningful.”
Gojyo continued, “There is nothing wrong with a good fuck, as long as everyone involved knows that is all it is. You shouldn’t go around screwing with people’s emotions. Make no promise that you don’t intend to keep. Hakkai will probably give you some shit about relationships.” He sighed. “I suppose he has a point, but a man’s got needs and as much as women may want to deny it ---they’ve got needs too. Nothing wrong with scratching an itch ---if you know what I mean. Make sure you get a name, in case they scratch that itch real good and you want to look them up again”
Hakkai went on, “As your relationship grows, you made decide to…umm…try different ways of expressing your love…..”
Gojyo winked at him and wiggled his eyebrows. “Nothing’s wrong with trying a little kink. Get creative. Use your imagination. If you try something and it doesn’t work, either try harder or try something else. You never know what you might like.”
Hakkai looked a little nervous. “For examples of some of the more creative ways of expressing yourself sexually… “ Hakkai couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “…you might want to talk to Gojyo.”
Gojyo laughed. “You wouldn’t believe some of the shit people like. Shoot! You may even want to try pointing your orientation needle in the other direction every now and then.” Gojyo shrugged. “And that’s cool.” Did I open the door to my world a little too much? Too late now, maybe he won’t pick up on it. “But, that’s for another time. Now listen, this is important….”
Hakkai swallowed. “Now, I know I’ve told you a lot, but this is key….”
Gojyo licked his lips. “The secret to being a good lover…..”
Hakkai looked into Goku’s eyes, “The most important thing an attentive lover needs….”
“…is rhythm.”
“…is passion.”
Gojyo laughed. “You know where to find me if you want more words from the wise.” Gojyo walked off giggling at himself. He knew Goku needed to hear it and he was by far the most open-minded sexually and the most qualified to say it.
Hakkai closed his eyes and sighed. “Do you have anything you want to say?” Goku was silent. “Ok, well, you know I’m always here for you.” Hakkai stood up and walked off giving Goku time and space to think about their discussion. Hakkai was very relieved it was over. Why is this so hard for me to talk about? he wondered. Maybe it’s just talking to Goku about it that is so hard?
Goku looked into the fire. He seemed to be mesmerized by the flames. Did he dare ask? Did he bring it up? Does it make him a freak? “There is one thing…” Oh, crap. He started it, now he’d have to ask. He’d have to face up to the moment that scared him the most. The one particular moment with Jorja that had weighed on his shoulders daily since that day. The one specific moment in time that he tried to smile through when the memories slammed into him. The exact moment that scared him enough that he wanted to be a full-blown child again and forget it ever happened. The precise moment that had scared him away from ever wanting to pursue anything with Kyla for fear he might…. “Have you ever hurt anyone?” He looked up from the flames, shame burning in his eyes and eating at his soul. He wanted to feel the fan on his head. Of course they hadn’t, they’re not an out-of-control freak like me. They don’t have a power limiter that comes off. He couldn’t maintain eye contact with them any longer.
Gojyo offered a half-smile and waved a hand mindlessly “Sure man, broken hearts are part of it. Not a ni---”
Goku jumped to his feet, “No! Not that! Not that kind of hurt! This kind!” He jerked his hand up and jutted out a finger pointing to his power limiter. “The kind of hurt that never goes away!”
The gravity of the question began to sink into all of them as each one stared into the scared and confused eyes that were Goku.
Sanzo stood up, his face had softened. He placed a gentle hand on Goku’s head. Goku wrapped his arms around Sanzo and cried. Sanzo whispered, ”You, especially, have to be careful.”
Hakkai spoke softer and calmer than he had ever done, “Why don’t you sit down and tell us what happened?”
Gojyo thought about the first time a woman passed out in his arms. How he thought he had killed her, how scared he was. How shamed he was. How much that hurt. “Yeah, Goku, you never know what we might ….” He closed his eyes and bit his lips closed. “Never mind. Just help us help you.”
Hakkai looked at Gojyo, he knew there had to be a story there somewhere. One day he’d hear that story, but not today.
Goku pulled away from Sanzo and sniffed. He tried to collect himself and he told them how his limiter slipped and how it scared him. How internally he was torn between the lust for love and the lust for blood. How he wasn’t sure if he was having sex or tearing into someone. How the moment terrified him. How that moment had haunted him in his dreams and how it weighed on him. How he never wanted to have sex again no matter how beautiful and wonderful the rest of time was. How he didn’t trust his self-control with Kyla even when they were fully clothed. How he was so scared that he’d hurt someone or, worse yet, kill someone. How he felt like a predator.
The group listened to him bare his soul, in shock. They were stunned that such a playful, easy going, carefree little guy could have such deep thoughts and fears. Gojyo’s mind scrambled for humor to lighten the mood. Hakkai’s mind scrambled for something sensitive to say to make it all right. Sanzo’s mind scrambled for anything.
Sanzo looked at Goku and sighed, “Grow stronger, Goku.” After all, wasn’t strength the answer to all problems?
Hakkai found his words. “You’re special. You’re different. And you need to take that into consideration, but swearing off women ….swearing off love isn’t the answer.” By the end of the statement he was wasn’t sure which one of them needed to hear that the most.
Gojyo snickered, “Use super glue.” He reached up and ruffled Goku’s hair.
Goku slept better that night than he had in months.
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Somewhere, in the middle of the night, a child’s cry shattered the calm of the air. Jorja reached out and comforted that child.
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