Shades and Shadow

Tsuzuki had fled to the only place where he found a measure of peace
and calm, the place where he could look out of the high palace windows
and into the sky. Rikugo's study was filled with the astrologer's papers
and instruments and books, a faint smell of dust and old paper in the air,
mixed with the shikigami's unmistakable aura. It calmed Tsuzuki like nothing
else, grounded him, helped him set everything in perspective.

At least mostly. His mind was still astounded by what he had been told
by Touda.

Touda – who had kissed him.

Shit.

And who had told him that his shikigami loved him.

Tsuzuki leaned against the frame of the window, eyes closing body trembling
a little. The kiss had been fiery, as not otherwise expected from a fire
shikigami, but it had also touched something so very deep inside him. He
had felt his knees go weak, had felt the power of the shikigami bound to
him so closely like no other, and he had felt the unconditional love. Strong
and powerful and overwhelming.

Touda loved him. All did.

Byakko…

The wind shikigami's enthusiastic approach had floored him again. Byakko
had had no qualms admitting to his feelings and like Touda he found them
completely natural. There was nothing for him to be ashamed of, to hide,
to deny.

Tsuzuki groaned softly. He had been raised in a society that didn't
go around kissing each other all the time and love was meant to be between
lovers, not… shikigami and their friend. Okay, so he had died a while ago,
had seen enough in his time as a shinigami to be open-minded, but nothing
had ever prepared him for this.

They loved him…

"Tsuzuki? I didn't hear you come in."

The soft, calm voice washed over him and he raised his head, looking
at the taller man now walking in what was actually his private study.

"Rikugo… I… sorry," he said weakly. "I was just looking for some peace
and quiet…"

"So you came here." The astrologer smiled at him and Tsuzuki nodded.
"You're always welcome here, my friend. Did something happen?"

Concern touched the smooth features of the six-eyed being.

"I just need to think some things through," Tsuzuki murmured.

"Anything I can help you with?"

They all loved him.

So did that include Rikugo? Tsuzuki gazed at his friend, for the very
first time actually noticing that the shikigami was a very handsome man,
even with his additional set of eyes which he usually kept closn't…"

"You think too much in the confines of a mortal mind, Asato," Rikugo
whispered, never stopping the soothing strokes. "We've served you for decades
and we will continue to do so. We don’t lust after you. This kiss… it was
an expression love but it wasn’t the love you feel for Hisoka."

Tsuzuki glanced at the man who's lap he was using as a very comfortable
pillow. He wouldn't know how to handle it if there was more to this affection
than… affection. He loved Hisoka and he was having a hard time with that
already. Hisoka's past was like a nightmare between them, refusing to leave
Tsuzuki alone when he approached the younger man. He wanted to be intimate,
but his mind couldn't shut up about what the shinigami had endured at such
a young age. He kept seeing Muraki instead of himself with his partner,
saw the abuse, the hurt and the rape. Just a kiss was a terrible feat already.
Not just because of his own inexperience. He didn’t want to hurt his partner…
he couldn’t live with his action if he did.

But now the inactivity, his running away, hurt Hisoka even more.

Rikugo stroked his fingers over Tsuzuki's cheek and smiled. "You think
too much, Asato."

"Some say I don't think enough," he replied with a tiny smile.

The astrologer chuckled.

The moment was broken by the door flying open and a rather pissed-off
looking dragon entering the study. Tsuzuki bolted upright and scrambled
away from his steady rock in this emotional sea, hitting his head on the
low window sill. For a moment he saw white spots explode in front of his
eyes and he ouched.

"Sohryu," Rikugo said coolly. "Anything I can do for you or is this
not a social visit."

The Protector of the East glared at the other shikigami. It was no
secret that they didn't get along and Tsuzuki stumbled to his feet, clutching
the window sill for support.

"I'll skin that serpent alive!" the blue dragon snarled.

"All he did was tell the truth to our master. You cannot disapprove
of that," Rikugo said levelly.

"Wh… What's wrong, Sohryu?" Tsuzuki stammered.

Despite being this powerful water god's master he had a deeply ingrained
respect for the fierce warrior. Sohryu wasn't violent, just temperamental,
not unlike Suzaku, but where Suzaku adored and loved Tsuzuki, would cadowndown in his presence and hug him till the air ran out, Sohryu was more
like a scolding mentor. One disapproving look had Tsuzuki cringe and wonder
what he had done wrong this time. And exactly that look was now directed
at him.

"Touda had no right!" he snarled.

"It's no secret, Sohryu," Rikugo said, his aura flaring a little and
Tsuzuki held his breath.

Oh shit…

Sohryu's eyes were on the hapless shinigami and suddenly he closed
the distance. Tsuzuki had no room to give and just hoped he would get away
with a scolding. Inhuman eyes met equally non-human ones and Sohryu studied
him, then suddenly he sighed, features softening. He reached out with one
hand and while Tsuzuki expected the worst, it didn't come. His cheek was
gently stroked, caressed.

"I don't approve of Touda's actions. You should not be burdened by
a fact a human mind cannot comprehend, Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki shot Rikugo a helpless look, but the astrologer was just smiling
a little himself.

"It scares you and I don't want to see you scared. You are a strong
spirit, the only one who ever attracted me, survived my challenge." The
water shikigami smiled. "I'm honored to serve and protect you, master."

And then he placed a tender kiss on the stunned man's lips, pulling
back almost immediately.

"Soh… ryu?" Tsuzuki whispered.

Careful fingers caressed the bump that was already healing at the back
of his head, making him shiver. Sohryu smiled more, then glanced at Rikugo
out of the corner of his eyes. He tensed a little at the proximity of the
other. Tsuzuki's hand shot up and clutched the dragon's wrist, pulling
his attention back to him.

"No, please just get along," he begged. "Don't fight."

Sohryun't…"

"You think too much in the confines of a mortal mind, Asato," Rikugo
whispered, never stopping the soothing strokes. "We've served you for decades
and we will continue to do so. We don’t lust after you. This kiss… it was
an expression love but it wasn’t the love you feel for Hisoka."

Tsuzuki glanced at the man who's lap he was using as a very comfortable
pillow. He wouldn't know how to handle it if there was more to this affection
than… affection. He loved Hisoka and he was having a hard time with that
already. Hisoka's past was like a nightmare between them, refusing to leave
Tsuzuki alone when he approached the younger man. He wanted to be intimate,
but his mind couldn't shut up about what the shinigami had endured at such
a young age. He kept seeing Muraki instead of himself with his partner,
saw the abuse, the hurt and the rape. Just a kiss was a terrible feat already.
Not just because of his own inexperience. He didn’t want to hurt his partner…
he couldn’t live with his action if he did.

But now the inactivity, his running away, hurt Hisoka even more.

Rikugo stroked his fingers over Tsuzuki's cheek and smiled. "You think
too much, Asato."

"Some say I don't think enough," he replied with a tiny smile.

The astrologer chuckled.

The moment was broken by the door flying open and a rather pissed-off
looking dragon entering the study. Tsuzuki bolted upright and scrambled
away from his steady rock in this emotional sea, hitting his head on the
low window sill. For a moment he saw white spots explode in front of his
eyes and he ouched.

"Sohryu," Rikugo said coolly. "Anything I can do for you or is this
not a social visit."

The Protector of the East glared at the other shikigami. It was no
secret that they didn't get along and Tsuzuki stumbled to his feet, clutching
the window sill for support.

"I'll skin that serpent alive!" the blue dragon snarled.

"All he did was tell the truth to our master. You cannot disapprove
of that," Rikugo said levelly.

"Wh… What's wrong, Sohryu?" Tsuzuki stammered.

Despite being this powerful water god's master he had a deeply ingrained
respect for the fierce warrior. Sohryu wasn't violent, just temperamental,
not unlike Suzaku, but where Suzaku adored and loved Tsuzuki, would cadowndown in his presence and hug him till the air ran out, Sohryu was more
like a scolding mentor. One disapproving look had Tsuzuki cringe and wonder
what he had done wrong this time. And exactly that look was now directed
at him.

"Touda had no right!" he snarled.

"It's no secret, Sohryu," Rikugo said, his aura flaring a little and
Tsuzuki held his breath.

Oh shit…

Sohryu's eyes were on the hapless shinigami and suddenly he closed
the distance. Tsuzuki had no room to give and just hoped he would get away
with a scolding. Inhuman eyes met equally non-human ones and Sohryu studied
him, then suddenly he sighed, features softening. He reached out with one
hand and while Tsuzuki expected the worst, it didn't come. His cheek was
gently stroked, caressed.

"I don't approve of Touda's actions. You should not be burdened by
a fact a human mind cannot comprehend, Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki shot Rikugo a helpless look, but the astrologer was just smiling
a little himself.

"It scares you and I don't want to see you scared. You are a strong
spirit, the only one who ever attracted me, survived my challenge." The
water shikigami smiled. "I'm honored to serve and protect you, master."

And then he placed a tender kiss on the stunned man's lips, pulling
back almost immediately.

"Soh… ryu?" Tsuzuki whispered.

Careful fingers caressed the bump that was already healing at the back
of his head, making him shiver. Sohryu smiled more, then glanced at Rikugo
out of the corner of his eyes. He tensed a little at the proximity of the
other. Tsuzuki's hand shot up and clutched the dragon's wrist, pulling
his attention back to him.

"No, please just get along," he begged. "Don't fight."

Sohryu chuckled. "We won't fight. We all belong to you."

With that he turned and left he study, but still shooting Rikugo an
unreadable look. The astrologer chuckled.

"He would never admit to worrying, to hating that you know about his
feelings."

Tsuzuki touched his lips which had been kissed four times in such a
short time now. He couldn't believe what had occurred and he wondered how
he would ever get a handle on this.

There was a rustle of clothes and Rikugo took the hand touching his
lips, thumb stroking over his fingers as he held them.

"Nothing has changed, Tsuzuki. Nothing at all."

"Something has," he murmured. "I know now."

* * *

Tsuzuki had returned to Meifu, deeply in thought, confused, slightly
hurt even for no apparent reason. The next case occupied his mind, but
not enough to keep him from thinking about what had happened with Touda
and the others. The fire shikigami was making himself rare, though the
presence was still there. Calm and collected, cool and black.

Hisoka was shooting him strange looks all the time. Tsuzuki had distanced
himself from his partner, was trying not to see the attraction between
them, and he winced away from physical contact.

Things were… not good.

And they weren’t getting better either.

“What is wrong with you, Tsuzuki?” Hisoka exploded after they had returned
to the office and get the paper work on their case done. A case that had
been thankfully simple.

“Nothing,” he murmured.

“Don’t lie to me! Something’s wrong! Is it me? You can’t work with
me any longer?”

“Hisoka, no…”

“Then why do you evade me?” Green eyes burned into violet ones and
Tsuzuki looked away.

“I… I’ve got some things to work through, Hisoka. It has nothing to
do with you.”

The younger shinigami snorted. “I’m an empath, remember? I can feel
your lies! I thought you were different!”

And with that he turned and left Tsuzuki alone.

The shinigami gave a little groan and sank onto his chair, burying
his head in his hands.

Things had gone from bad to worse.