Echoes of Humanity

It was cold.

That was the first thing Mu noted at he slid silently back into his temple, instinctively running his eyes and senses around the area to make sure all was as it should be.

Physically, it was, and the familiarity would have been reassuring, had it not been for the overpowering pain, regret and anger that filled even the empty temple with its strength. The gentle aura of the Aries temple namesake had been completely overpowered by the circumstances. Mu could feel the pain even as he stepped out of the temple, calling his Cloth to himself and taking comfort in the heavy weight that settled around his shoulders. He found himself wishing he could go one step further and continue on to his mountain home where rest and peace were almost constant companions. A longing for the forgetfulness and clear mind of deep mediation was at the forefront of Mu’s mind, as he wished he could simply retreat and let the world pass by unnoticed.

Shaking his head briefly to clear the mildly traitorous thoughts, Mu concentrated, trying to seek out the single aura that somehow seemed less disordered and clearer then the others. Although uncharacteristically turbulent, there was a well-defined structure to the thoughts that lent comfort to the Aries Saint. Locating it where it should be, Mu began to slowly make his way towards the Virgo temple, and the saint who made his home there.

As expected, Shaka was in his temple, long limbs folded into a lotus position; mind and body both retreating into the shadows at the back of the structure, and into the darkness of a state without thought.

Mu quietly stepped through the door, making his way towards the Virgo Saint. Shaka neither acknowledged him, nor made any move that he was aware of Mu’s presence, not so much as a twitch of a finger to indicate he knew the Aries Saint was there. The Virgo Saint had forced a sort of peace upon himself, long hours of practice and discipline serving to overcome the emotional strain of the past few days.

Slowly, though, as his eyes adjusted to the dimly lit space, Mu began to have second thoughts about his desire to seek out Shaka, and about disturbing the other man. The blond was turned away from the door, but the nails of one fine-boned hand bit hard into his palm, something that Mu could not remember seeing on the Virgo Saint in the past. It contrasted painfully with the familiar posture of tranquility that Mu himself was accustomed. That, mixed with the insistent throb of his Cosmos against Mu’s own, made the Aries Saint inclined to believe that Shaka was more upset then either his posture or attitude would lead many to believe.

As Mu drew closer, he became aware of the fact that the Saint’s other hand was sporadically clenching around the prayer beads in his fist, working them in a such a way as to make Mu believe that Shaka was desperately trying to keep himself in the carefully constructed equilibrium of his meditations. As he realized this, Mu slowed, his steps faltering on the stone floor. He had no right, or even a real reason, to intrude upon the sanctity of Shaka’s temple. His presence was further tarnished by the fact that he had only sought out the blond to provide a buffer against the painfully desperate clashing of the other Gold Saints in his mind.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Mu turned to go, only to be stopped by a melodious voice echoing through his senses, tinged with sadness, but familiar in its confident insistence.

/Do not leave, Aries Saint./ The voice rang within Mu’s head, although no word was spoken aloud. /You entered here by your own will. For you, it should be that for which you leave./

Mu sighed. He should have known leaving with explanation would be impossible, with circumstances as they were. Shaka was not one to allow things to go unsaid, even in a time such as this. The pink-haired man turned back, wincing as his boots clattered loudly on a stone that had fallen loose during the battles, the sound discordant and out of place in the silence of the temple. Shaka still faced the wall, giving no physical indication that he had acknowledged Mu’s presence.

As Mu stepped forward, however, one finger slowly unwound itself from the fist, curving towards the Aries Saint in an almost imperceptible request for him to come forward. Mu complied, walking until he was within a few feet of Shaka, and sank to his knees, the tradition of the temple affecting his own behavior. In some ways, he took comfort from the familiar ritual.

For several moments, neither man spoke, the understanding silence between them more comfortable than any words. Finally, however, Mu spoke. As the uninvited guest, it was only natural he should state his intent to the temple master. His choice, however, was at best transparent; at worst shallow.

“How fair’s the House of Virgo?” Mu asked, than winced. The words were mundane and poorly chosen, despite the fact that they conveyed meaning without being overly intrusive. Shaka shifted only slightly, in a gesture that could have been as easily been a simple change of stance to relieve stress on the back, or a shrug of indifference.

“She is much like her namesake” the blond answered quietly. “The wounds are only skin-deep. The rock will smooth with care and time, and the house itself remains pure. Even the fires of heaven could not truly remove the soul of this house.”

Mu was slightly taken aback. He knew better then to expect a straightforward answer from Shaka, as too much rode on the shoulders of the Virgo Saint for the truth to be stated without reserve, but he’d expected a damage report. The answer Shaka had given was as obscure as the fires of heaven themselves. For the words were honest, the inside of the house was stable, only a few cracks and partially shattered pillars marred the smooth surface of the structure. Keystones and foundations were unscathed and whole. But, despite its inherent honesty, the answer evaded the true question. And both men knew it.

Mu watched the other Saint for several moments after that, trying to gauge Shaka’s mood from the posture and position he’d adopted, but little information was available. Finally Mu just clarified the question he should have started with. At this point, the Aries Saint was certain that any other would be a waste of time, and an insult to the intelligence of both Shaka and himself.

“And her guardian?” he asked gently, quietly, and with as much compassion and little intrusiveness as he could manage in such words.

Shaka stiffened. He had known the question was coming. The nature of his companions – and the Goddess they served – would not have allowed concerns about their mental state to go unanswered for long. The questioner, however, was unexpected. Mu had always remained outside the circle, just as Shaka himself had; in fact, the two men had formed a carefully constructed camaraderie based on that assumption. That Mu would ask a question that would so likely go without an answer surprised the blond. In the end, though, the interrogator mattered little: The question – and the answer – would remain the same. “The guardian is well. Much in the same way as the temple.”

Mu winced. A perfect answer, once again the words were completely honest and valid. And still, they answered nothing. With a sigh of defeat, Mu gave in. The behavior of the blond had shaken him, and he wanted an answer, not philosophy. The only way to get it would be to deal Shaka a hand that could not be denied. Thinking carefully, Mu weighed the possibilities of his next question. “It is not uncommon for small fissures to go unnoticed until too late. Are you certain of your judgment?”

Shaka trembled, and Mu almost felt bad that he had joined into Shaka’s game. With one sentence, one single question, seemingly unrelated to the situation, he had laid forth the challenge to Shaka – and put forth his intent to play Shaka’s game. The blond saint was thrown off balance, the events of the past few days having already weakened his defenses, and making it impossible for him to regain control of the situation. The Virgo Saint took his time answering, giving great consideration to each word before it was spoken.

“The Virgo temple will not fall without warning.” Was the carefully crafted answer, the words making Mu nod in acquiescence, although he was aware that the blond could not see him, and he accepted the answer. It was as acceptable as he would get tonight, and the pink-haired man prepared to withdraw from the conversation. Shaka would be alright, Mu guessed, once he considered the irrationality of his emotions and allowed himself to see that his actions had been fully justified within the moments they had taken place. “I will leave you then.” Mu murmured quietly. “I apologize to you for asking such questions.”

The choked sound Shaka made was unexpected. “Indeed, Aries. I would have considered it beyond you to ask such obvious questions. As would I have considered it beneath you to offer such pale and needless apologies.”

Mu hesitated. The tone of Shaka’s voice was off, uncharacteristic of the blond and almost vengeful in nature. Before he could comment, however, Shaka continued, much more controlled this time: “You have never before felt the need to state the obvious, Mu. What has changed so that you would start now?”

Carefully, the pink-haired man considered the root of the question, unsure as to what the Virgo Saint was asking or expecting from him. In the end, there was no other choice. “Obvious? I don’t understand, Shaka.”

A harsh note of amusement trembled on the outside of Shaka’s voice as he elaborated. “You judge situations so easily, Aries. For one meant to be distanced, or maybe because you are meant to be distant, your ability to judge emotions far exceeds that of most. Your choice was made, and it was simple for you to follow your beliefs about the impo….Athena.”

The words made Mu come to a complete halt. He contemplated the gold saint before him warily, and this time it was Shaka who had succeeded in throwing him off balance. There was no fathomable reason to explain his position to the blond saint. In life there were some things no one but the individual could understand, and some things not even the individual could understand. Despite the agony it had caused, the battle for Sanctuary had been one of those things. Mu knew, in truth, that his position had been no more stable than Shaka’s, or any of the other gold saints, but the words he would be forced to use in order to explain his actions could cause nothing but disquiet among his companions. So he remained quiet.

Still, Shaka needed to hear something. /No/ Mu corrected himself carefully /Shaka deserves something./

The Man closest to God had fallen from grace – or so Shaka believed – and needed a boost back up to the staircase. With that consideration in mind, Mu broke down and offered Shaka the closest thing to an explanation and the truth that the blond would accept in his current state.

“You have as little right to pass judgment on me as you have the knowledge to offer opinions on the architecture of your temple.”

Shaka’s head rose quickly at the comment. “Then you would presume to state that the truth wasn’t obvious to you? You, Aries, who was firmly anchored and removed yourself from the very beginning of the battle, even before the bronze saints had been named treasonous?”

Mu shook his head in silent disbelief; he was much more used to rational debate from the Virgo Saint, not this self-mockery and senseless lashing out of anger. The Shaka he saw before him was falling apart, searching for a platform of knowledge in desperation and fear. “No, Shaka. It wasn’t obvious to me. Nor did I know what to do.” He murmured quietly. “My thoughts were confused, unsure, and I doubted my own judgment. That is why I distanced myself, not because anything was obvious to me.” The words were spoken gently, a simple statement of fact, like most of what Mu said, but the effect they had on the Virgo Saint was immediate and profound .

“But at least you doubted.” Shaka whispered, slowly raising his head. The feel of rapidly burning Cosmos filling the temple for a moment as the blond opened his eyes and looked directly at Mu.

The Aries Saint almost turned away then, the blazing eyes burning into his mind and soul. The simple fact that Shaka had them open was in itself shocking. But the discomfort lay in what they were actually looking at. The Virgo Saint was seeing things that Mu never had, and never would. The pain, loss and self-loathing reflected in the blue-grey irises made Shaka’s face, so often transcendental, seem both a thousand years older and 10 years younger than his actual years. The tired gaze locked with Mu’s before Shaka continued.

“At least you doubted, Mu. It is I, not you, who is supposed to transcend the bounds of humanity and human frailty. I was raised to live on the border of omnipotence, and taught to seek for the way to cross that border, and yet I failed the one thing I care most about in this life.” The words were tinged with bitterness, as though the description Shaka had given himself was something he neither wanted nor believed he deserved. Behavior alone had given Shaka the right to such a name, and he had gracefully accepted his place as the Man Closest to God, using his abilities to make those words all that they could represent. Like many men in possession of such intense spiritual power, though, Shaka had never truly felt that he had earned the title. The actions of the past few days had weakened Shaka, and his own title now rang false to the Virgo Saint, who simply longed to be free of the constraints and bonds of superficiality and fanfare.

Uncertainly, Mu stepped towards the blond man, reaching out with both body and cosmos to try and reassure Shaka, but the Virgo Saint flinched and turned away. When Mu tried to speak he held up a hand. “Do not say it, Aries, do not lower yourself to the frailty of ceremonial comfort simply for my sake. I understand your intent, and appreciate the gesture, but we both know that it truly means nothing, and I believe that you also agree that I speak the truth.” Shaka paused, glancing at the floor briefly. “You questioned. You doubted. I, the transcendental one, the ‘omnipotent human’ – in and of itself a contradiction – never even dared try. Despite having previously judged the Phoenix Saint and knowing the purity of his heart, I tried to block his path. Worse, I tried to kill the Leo Saint, a comrade in arms, simply because I was told to. Without any question or reserve past practicality, I tried to destroy a comrade and a fellow saint.”

Mu balked. He had no answer to give, and the moment would have descended into awkward silence, were it not for the Leo Saint himself entering the temple, and hearing the last words. He didn’t even hesitate as he stalked up to stand beside Mu, and as the Aries Saint looked him over, he couldn’t help but think that perhaps Aiolia was standing just a bit too straight, and that the fire in his eyes was forced and false.

“You had no reason to question, Virgo.” Aiolia said, voice strong. Shaka was silent and his eyes slid shut again even as he bowed his head in acknowledgement of the Leo Saint’s presence.

“You had no reason to question,” Aiolia repeated, taking another step forward, “and I had no right not to fight back against Ares.”

Shaka paused, and the other Saints could actually see him turning the words over in his head as he contemplated the statement.

“So you’re saying I wasn’t wrong?”

Aiolia shook his head. The faint glimmer in his eye proved to Mu that the Leo Saint realized exactly what line he was treading, with the powerful blond. Shaka was on the verge of collapse, terrified of what had happened; of what he could have done. Aiolia understood the situation, and was willing to take Shaka on despite the shaky ground.

“No. I’m not saying you weren’t wrong. I’m not saying I was right, either. Mu probably wasn’t right!” The brunette looked briefly towards Mu, apologizing for the words on the chance they had offended the Aries Saint. When Mu bowed his head the slightest bit in acquiescence, Aiolia nodded, and continued.

“Then what is your point, Leo?”

“My point is, we all had a different piece of the puzzle, and we used our pieces to fight for what we thought would be best for Athena.” Aiolia replied, his tone clipped and frustrated.

“We all do what we can; to protect those we can. That is all Athena has ever asked of us.” Mu added quietly, surprised that Aiolia had the wisdom to understand what was going on, and wanting to diffuse the situation before the young saint’s fiery nature got the better of him.

“We’re supposed to be able to do enough. It’s why we were chosen.” Shaka said quietly. He sounded tired, more than anything. It wasn’t that he was trying to be argumentative, but that he was simply trying to understand what had happened. It wasn’t easy to watch comrades die under any circumstances, but to watch them die as they had, it was a torture on the soul beyond pain.

Aiolia simply laughed. “Shaka, we were chosen because we were the best, not because we were perfect. But if you truly believe what you just said, than we all need to jump off the highest cliff of Mt. Olympus.” He turned briskly on his heel, walking out of the temple nearly as soon as he had appeared. “I’ll fetch Milo and Aldebaran, then get some climbing gear. You bring the paper and pens so we can all explain to Athena why we committed suicide after she tried so hard to make our lives worthwhile!”

Mu reached out a hand, but did nothing more, as the Leo Saint stormed from the temple. He wasn’t shocked over the behavior. If anything, he was surprised that Aiolia hadn’t simply walked up to Shaka and slapped him. They were all at the ends of their rope, and exhibiting their frustrations in whatever ways they knew how. For Shaka, that was meditation and ambiguity, for Aiolia, it was lashing out in anger. Someone was bound to explode in a way that would take half of Sanctuary with them, and Mu wondered who it would be when the time came. In that respect, there were two of their numbers that he considered more likely to blow up than the others, and Aiolia was one of them. The second, he hadn’t seen since the jet had come to take the bronze saints to the hospital. Mu silently wondered if perhaps that was a bad sign. The Scorpio Saint was by far the most explosive of them all, and Milo had just had his security base ripped from underneath him. On top of that, he’d lost a close friend, and perhaps more than that, if the rumors that circled around Sanctuary held any truth to them. Mu sighed, the sound mirrored by Shaka. Turning back to the blond saint, Mu was surprised to see that he had finally stood, and was leaning back against the wall, showing his exhaustion. He looked at Mu, gray eyes deep pools of pain. “Things won’t be the same, for any of us.”

“No.” Mu replied quietly. “But the Goddess is willing to forgive us.”

“So we should forgive ourselves?” Shaka asked, a note of bitterness in his voice.

“If we can. The important thing is not that we forgive ourselves, though. It’s that we prove ourselves worthy of her forgiveness.”

Shaka made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort. “I wish that you would stop saying such rehearsed words in my presence.” He said. If anything, he seemed surprised when the Aries saint shook his head vehemently, a brief look of hurt crossing his face at Shaka’s cynicism.

“If they sound rehearsed, it is only because my heart has been repeating them for hours.” Mu replied. He didn’t look at Shaka as he spoke, and the blond got the feeling that perhaps he had insulted the older saint.

“I meant no disrespect, Aries,” he began, but Mu shook his head before he could continue.

“It’s all right, Shaka. I understand where you’re coming from. But you must realize that I just came from the side of the Goddess.” He said quietly, gaze turned internally as he thought about the encounter. “She was the one that branded the emotion on my heart, not my duty as the Aries Saint.”

Shaka was silent for several moments, and Mu wondered if perhaps it was the Virgo Saint’s way of dismissing him. He was about to go when Shaka spoke.

“Holding that boy in my arms was quite possibly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” He said, and Mu had to agree. Facing Shiryu had been nothing compared to the effort it took to bear the pain while looking into the pale face of the Dragon Saint, when the black-haired boy had stood on death’s doorstep.

“They’re stubborn.” Mu replied, hoping to reassure his companion. “I think that they will all survive.”

Even as he said the words, Mu wondered at the weight they bore. They would survive because they were young, stubborn, and because they possessed a spark and love for life that went far beyond that of most. But, in surviving, they were simply readying themselves to fight again. They would be fighting until the day that death finally won his battle for their souls. Mu shook his head. It was not his place to wonder, or even logical to do so. He had looked each of those boys in the eye, and had seen exactly what they knew. They would fight, and fall, and get up again because they wanted too. They were pure, and strong, and possessed of a spirit wouldn’t give ground for anything. Either in words, actions, or heart, they had all resigned themselves to the destiny of a Saint, just as he had. It was not his place to have regrets that the bronze saints themselves didn’t feel.

Shaka was watching him curiously, but smiled for the first time that night. “I’m glad to hear it. Their sparks would be sorely missed.” He hesitated for a moment, and then rapidly changed the subject. “Should I go after Leo? I believe that I may have truly offended him.”

Mu instantly shook his head. “He needs time to cool down.” He said. “Let him be. He’ll be…alright, and I’m pretty sure he gets it.”

“I suppose I should be glad that someone does.” Shaka said, shaking his head. “You don’t have to stay, Mu.”

Mu glanced at the Virgo Saint. The words were once again cryptic, and their meaning hard to decipher. They were either courtesy on Shaka’s part, or the blond was trying to get rid of him. Mu couldn’t be entirely sure which.

Deciding the safest thing to do was to let either way be right, he bowed slightly to Shaka and turned to go, purposefully taking a few steps before he paused. “I was going to get dinner after this. Would you care to join me?”

Shaka seemed taken aback. “So now you think I need to be taken care of?”

“No. I think that we all need a little attention right now, and eating in a crowd is a good way to make sure we don’t forget to keep ourselves alive.” Mu replied quietly. “I was going to ask Taurus, as well, once I left you.”

Shaka seemed to hesitate for a long time before he made his decision. “I’ll come.” He said, sighing. Slowly, he pushed himself off the wall. As they walked out of the temple together, Shaka made a sound that might have been a snort of mirth.

“You know, you’re right.” He said. “I had forgotten about eating.”

Mu smiled. Shaka was going to be alright. They would all be alright. They didn’t really have a choice of going on, but it seemed like they might all survive on their own terms. He wondered what lessons they still had to learn.