To The End

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gravitation or any of its characters. Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami, I’m only borrowing them temporarily for entertainment purposes. I don’t make money off this. I just love the characters and enjoy writing.

A/N: Thank you again to my beta\'s. Again, this one is still a pretty rough chapter. I believe they get better on Chapter 4. Still working out the bugs.

Reviewers:
Midnight - Thank you. I\'m glad you enjoyed it so much, you\'d like to read it again. I plan on updating often, since it\'s already written. =D


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On Your Own
Week 1, Day 5

In some ways, it had been an easy week. Eiri’s scent still lingered in the apartment they shared. Shuichi still found sanctuary when he buried his nose into the pillow that had once cradled his blonde lover’s head. He could still smell a stale smoke when he entered Eiri’s study. The refrigerator still held three unopened cans of beer. There were still hints of the man he loved in every part of their home. It made the pain of his absence a bit easier to bear.

In other ways, it had been a hard week. Shuichi had to find the strength to go to work each day. He hadn’t exactly promised it, but somehow, in his own head an unspoken promise had been made to Yuki. He also feared the wrath of K. The band had just started to work on their next album and his manager would literally drag Shuichi to work kicking and screaming if he had to. Shuichi decided it would be better for them both to just show up. The hardest, Shuichi thought was not seeing Eiri’s face and not being able to hear the man speak or type. It made him uneasy.

The unusual absence of Eiri resulted in Shuichi not being on top of his game. His singing had suffered and he had the worse case of writer’s block in his career. Luckily, he had managed to write quite a few songs before Eiri had left, but those would only keep his band mates happy for so long. He knew soon he would need to produce more lyrics soon.

Shuichi had decided not to mention Eiri’s absence to anyone, if possible. His band mates were counting on him. In a small way, being at work had helped him. It kept him coming to work each day. It comforted him to be around friends and he was determined not to disappoint them.

Shuichi found that the most difficult thing was to find the ability or emotion it took to belt out his latest love song. They had worked on it for over a day and still they had not been satisfied. Though he had tried, his inspiration was missing and it showed through his singing.

Shuichi could tell Hiro knew something was off but when he had asked, the singer just smiled and made an excuse about how his throat hurt. Shuichi was aware that his excuse would not work forever and he would have to produce results before someone figured out what was wrong.

Today, they had gone through take after take with little progress. Suguru had become impatient and insisted on an early lunch in hopes that Shuichi would get his head back into the music. Suguru then stormed out of the studio in a huff.

Hiro had immediately invited Shuichi to lunch. The singer agreed as he did not want to be alone and he was happy to spend time with his best friend. Maybe he would be able to get his mind off the emptiness in his heart.

“Spill it Shuichi,” he had insisted as soon as they sat down with their meal.

Shuichi put on his best ‘I’m fine’ face but somehow could not bring himself to look Hiro in the eye. “What do you mean?”

“I know something is wrong Shuichi, so don’t pretend it’s not. Are you fighting with Yuki again?”

“No,” he replied as he ignored his food.

“Then what is it? You haven’t exactly been yourself lately. You may fool the others, but I know you better than that,” Hiro said, as he studied his friend.

Shuichi sat silently. He had not eaten a bite and he only stared at the food before him. His face changed from a smile to a slight frown. He let out a soft sigh. He knew he couldn’t keep things from Hiro. “Eiri left.”

“Again?” Hiro sighed. “Where did he go this time?”

“I don’t know.”

Hiro blinked at the softness of his friends answer. “This isn’t a good time for him to run off. We can’t afford to have you running all over Japan to find him.”

“Don’t worry Hiro. I’m not going after him.”

“What?” Hiro asked shocked. “You mean it’s over? You’re actually giving up on Yuki?”

“No!” Shuichi exclaimed. His eyes finally met with Hiro’s. Determined violet eyes flared with passion as the young singer continued, “I would never give up on Eiri. I love him, Hiro. He just…. He just needs a vacation, that’s all.”

Hiro laughed softly. “Anyone would need a vacation if they lived with you.”

He lowered his eyes, obviously hurt by Hiro’s response. It was the truth though and he knew it. Eiri probably needed a vacation from him, even if he wouldn’t say it or denied it. Maybe Eiri wouldn’t return this time.

Hiro saw the deep concentration and hurt on Shuichi’s face. “Shuichi? Why did he say he needed the vacation? Or did he just leave?”

“He said he needed to help himself; that his past still haunted him. He said that he needed to find himself so he could come back and be completely there for us.”

Hiro took in his friend’s words. “How long is he going to be gone?”

Shuichi shrugged as he looked down to his plate.

“Shuichi,” Hiro said comfortingly. “No wonder you’ve been down. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I knew you were counting on me. I didn’t want to be a bother. I know I’m such a pain. I wanted to prove to you all that I am strong, that I can do this and take care of myself.”

“Just because you need your friends right now, doesn’t make you weak. Look, maybe I could help. We can talk and hang out, sort of like old times. Then he’ll come back and you can go back to being annoying and in love.”

“Do you think he’ll really be back?” Shuichi looked up, needing to be reassured.

“Did he say he would?”

Shuichi nodded. “He promised.”

“Well then, he’ll be back.” Hiro smiled as he tried to sound confident. Both men were aware that Yuki had lied before but right now Shuichi needed to hear hope.

“Thank you, Hiro.” Shuichi smiled as he finally took a bite of his lunch.

“You just need to get back into a routine. Eat, we’ll get back to the studio and you’re going to sing better than ever. Show Yuki how strong you are by singing your heart out.”

“That’s right. I will! I’ll show him how much I love him by singing this song with all that I am! Then he’ll see that I’m not some snot nosed kid,” Shuichi exclaimed posing triumphantly over the table. “Today is going to be the best. Just you watch.”

Shuichi ramble on about how great the song was going to be and how he would show the world how great he was as his friend smiled at his new found passion. “That’s the spirit, Shuichi.”

After lunch, the band saw a more productive afternoon, as Shuichi hit every note with a renewed strength. Suguru was happy that they would soon start another song and Hiro was content that Shuichi had got his fire back. As the singer had promised, they had the best recordings sessions they had had in a long time.

Surprisingly, it was Suguru who stopped the band’s progress. “I think that’s enough for today. Shindou-san, I don’t know what got into you, but bring it back tomorrow.”

“I can work all night. I’m on a roll,” Shuichi exclaimed confidently as he held the microphone stand high above his head. “We could get another five songs done!”

“Suguru’s right, Shuichi; we should stop for tonight. We all need to sleep and we can start fresh tomorrow. I, for one, am beat,” Hiro said, as he placed a hand gently on Shuichi’s shoulder. “Tomorrow will be great too.”

Shuichi nodded and smiled to his band mates. “You’d better believe it. This will be our best album yet!”

Suguru laughed softly as he collected his sheet music. “I’ll see you guys in the morning. Good night.” He bowed and left quietly.

“You need a ride home?” Hiro asked as he put his guitar away.

“No, I’m going to walk. Maybe I’ll be inspired,” Shuichi smiled.

“Alright then I’ll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need me.”

Shuichi grinned as he watched his friend gather his things. He grabbed his own belongings before he bounded out of the studio with new his found energy. He felt like his old self again.

The walk home was virtually uneventful until he walked through the park by his home. The entire place reminded him of Eiri. It wasn’t a surprise. It was the place they had met. They had walked through this area countless times together. He knew Eiri went for long walks there when he had writer’s block or felt disturbed.

Shuichi paused to sit on a bench. Unintentionally, it had become their bench. They had always ended up sitting there. Right in front of it, was the place he had first laid eyes on the distant blonde.

Shuichi relaxed against the cool wood. There were good memories there. He closed his eyes for a few moments and his mind wandered. He let his eyes slowly open, staring at the full moon before him. A large smile spread across his lips. He felt good, sitting there. He stood and took a last look at the bench before continuing home.

He let himself back into the apartment, locking the door behind him, shed his shoes and dropped his backpack nearby. The pink haired man entered the quiet living room and turned on the TV, letting out a soft sigh as he slumped into the couch. He hated to be alone and he really hated silence. The music channel on the TV eased the uncomfortable quiet of the apartment.

Shuichi felt so lost, yet he knew the entire apartment and everything in it but didn’t know what to do. Normally, he would have run into Eiri’s study and forced the writer to listen to his day. Then, he would get yelled at and banned from his lover’s presence.

Shuichi smiled softly. He knew that some of his best songs had been written during that time. The comfort of his lover’s presence was enough to inspire, him even if he was in a different room.

After some work, Eiri would make dinner or inform Shuichi what to order from their favorite take out restaurant. They would have dinner and usually, both of them would end up working until late at night. Shuichi was always the first in bed, but not long after Eiri would wake him when he came to bed. Those thoughts both warmed and saddened him. It was the time they would make love. That’s when all else faded and nothing mattered but the two of them. It was their time, something Shuichi cherished.

He knew what to do when Eiri was there. Now, he was lost. He sat with his hands in his lap and stared at the TV. He had not been inspired on the way home to write. His renewed energy had been replaced with loneliness.

Shuichi looked at the phone. He could call Hiro, but he had only just left work. He didn’t want to bother Hiro just yet. He could do this. It was only the fifth day. He knew he would need Hiro more, later.

Shuichi looked down at the table. On it, various stationary and envelopes were laid out. Of course! He couldn’t believe that he had almost forgotten! He slid off the couch, onto the floor in front of the table. He pushed four already written letters from the top of the pile. He had to write to Eiri today and let him know everything that had happened to him today.

Shuichi bit his lip and tapped a pen against his chin in thought before suddenly scrawling words onto the paper as quickly as he could.

Eiri,

How are you? I hope you’re doing well. I hope your vacation is going as expected. I’m doing well. I got up and went to work. The morning was touch and I didn’t get a lot done. I tried but my voice cracked and I couldn’t feel the words. I was really out of it.
Don’t worry though. I had gone to lunch with Hiro and things were better. Hiro really helped me. Truth is I was really missing you. Oh Eiri I do miss you. But Hiro helped me realize that I’m doing ok and that you’ll be back soon.
When we got back to the studio we did great. You would have been proud of me. I hit every note and we sounded perfect. I felt like I was on top again. On my way home I went through the park. It really made me smile. It still felt like you were around.
I sat on our bench. You remember our bench right? Well I sat there and I imagined you next to me and things felt good again. I looked up at the moon and I wondered if just maybe you were looking at it at the same moment I was. Maybe you were thinking of me. Do you think of me Eiri? I think of you all the time. It’s hard not to think of you. You’re always on my mind.
Everything is good at home. You’re publisher hasn’t called. I figure you probably told her not to call you here. I wonder how you’re writing is going. Are you getting a lot done? Are you going to tell me about it? I know you usually don’t but seeing as things aren’t what they usually are, maybe you will tell me a little.
I haven’t written anything yet. I know I need to though. Sakano is freaking out because I still need to write more. Only half the songs are done. I’m sure they’ll come to me though. They always do, but he wants them now. I don’t think he trusts me sometimes. Sakano is funny though. You should have seen his face when I told him I didn’t have anything new. He looked like he may pass out. Don’t worry though, K told him to leave me alone. Of course K will be more dangerous if he decides it’s time for progress. But I’m not worried. You can’t rush perfection, right Eiri?
Alright I should go. I have to get up early tomorrow. I’ll write you again tomorrow and maybe Tatsuha will show so I can send these to you. I can’t wait to see if you send me something. It’s ok if you don’t. I know you’re relaxing and working. I can still hope though, right? I miss you so much, Eiri. Please take care of yourself. I love you so much. You’re forever on my mind.

Love,
Shuichi

Shuichi yawned. He smiled happy with his letter. He folded it neatly and placed it in its envelope. He licked the edges and sealed it before he placed a soft kiss on the envelope. Shuichi marked the front with the number five before placing it in the pile with the others.

He yawned widely again as he stretched his limbs. The young man needed to sleep. Writing his letter to Eiri had left him surprisingly comforted. It made Shuichi connected to him.

Shuichi dragged his tired body to the bedroom. He shed his clothes, leaving them where they fell before he climbed into bed. He curled up to Eiri’s side of the bed and pulled the writer’s pillow to him. He took a deep breath; the smell of the man was faint, but effective. It sent the singer into a deep slumber, filled with dreams of his blonde counterpart.

TBC….