Faulty Mirror

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“Anna-Sama?” a tremulous voice quavered. A voice which expected a snap or a blow. A voice which was always submissive to the point of invisibility.

“What is it?” This voice was sharper, more impatient as if the speaker had the weight of the world on their shoulders and this interruption was the last thing she would have wanted at that moment.

An indrawn breath. “We’ve run out of milk.”

Stony silence.

Tension. Anxiety. A tinge of fear. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think!” The soft voice speaker, clearly unnerved by the silence with which the words had been received had rushed in, a waterfall of words flowing from her lips. “Ren-San, he drank more then I thought and I hadn’t anticipated just how many people would…”

Silence again. Abruptly, as if the speaker had been cut off, probably by a gesture designed to stop her. The brooding absence of words. One could only wonder at the kind of look which the speaker was being treated to at this point in the proceedings.

A soft sigh, a butterfly whisper of a breath. A small sound which conveyed so much regret yet acceptance of their place in the world.

“I’ll just go out to the store then.” Footsteps that somehow managed to sound tired, awkward and the soft click of a door that was allowed to close with a controlled gesture, instead of just letting it fall back with its own gravity.

Little things.

The listener uttered his own sigh, shaking his head over the scene he had just witnessed, yet without any visuals. Oddly, the sounds were more insightful than a watched scene could ever be.

Insightful? This was a rather deep thought from the normally blunt HoroHoro. Perhaps it was due to the haze of sleep which still lingered over his consciousness, proved by the rather lengthy and undignified yawn the blue haired man now gave as he, judging that the kitchen was now safe, apart from the ever looming presence commonly known as Anna, pushed open the door, peeking around the solid wooden frame.

“Make up your mind Ainu, you’re making a draft.”

Yes, definitely Anna. Smiling sheepishly, he padded in, letting the door close with an echoing slam. Wincing, he looked towards the blonde who he now saw was sitting calmly at the kitchen table.

Oddly, in the place he had occupied the day before. HoroHoro suppressed a snicker at what Anna would say, no, correction, screech, if she had seen him in his sprawled out pose, feet propped carelessly on the table. This was opposed to her neat, poker straight figure. Alert, that was the word for it, her demeanour. Ever watchful, even if her eyes were half closed.

Half-mast eyes, a sign that she was at her most observant.

The ‘Ainu’ as she had so charmingly referred to him as sauntered lazily in, his normal cocky swagger apparent. By now it was an automatic gesture, simply the way HoroHoro did things now. Confidence, or at least a façade of it.

“Was that Tamao I just missed?” he asked mildly, zooming in on the steaming pot of coffee with the tenacity he went through life with.

A sniff. Silence always seemed to be Anna’s weapon of choice these days.

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” he said brightly, having no qualms about breaking the silence inflicted by the blonde Itako. A steaming cup in his hand, brown liquid blessedly strong, HoroHoro seated himself across the table from Anna, taking an idle sip of his beverage.

Silence reined again, yet it was a comfortable one, at least for the blue haired shaman. He was comfortable – the passage of time had allowed him to build up at least some resilience to Anna’s icy nature.

You’d think she was the one with power over snow, he thought dryly to himself, dark gaze skimming across to the slender woman opposite him, a small smile playing around his lips. Savouring the rich taste of the coffee, HoroHoro was content to sit in silence, lazing about.

He seemed to have been doing a lot of that recently – relaxation was his aim in life and he seemed to have achieved it.

“Could you be any more of a lazy slob?”

Man, she has to stop being that intuitive.

“What do you mean, Anna?” HoroHoro drawled carelessly, not bothering to move from his sprawled out position, fingers still curled around the almighty coffee mug.

“What I mean is, for the past what is it? Six years. Six years since the Shaman tournament and what have you accomplished, hmm?”

Now this was one question the Ainu had not been expecting and to be honest it unnerved him. What had he done since he had lost?

Nothing, a treacherous part of his mind whispered and his eyes unconsciously fell away from Anna, coffee mug still hovering in front of his face, forgotten.

“Hmm,” A satisfied smirk on Anna’s part. “I thought as much. Have you given up on your little horticultural dream?”

Home…the Korokuppur…lily pad field…I hadn’t forgotten, I was just waiting for…

“Yoh said…”

“Yoh said what? He’d help you?” A contemptuous noise which in a lesser person would have been described as a snort, but for the higher being that was Anna, it was simply a sound of disbelief. “Yoh isn’t even fixed up to complete his own dreams, a fact I intend to remedy.”

Narrowed eyes, dark gaze boring relentlessly into the man who sat opposite from her. A sudden change in tone, colder, harsher, a voice that pierced HoroHoro’s defences easily.

“The honeymoon period is over, for all of you. I’m tired of people lounging around this house, my good for nothing fiancée included.”

Even in the midst of the awkwardness that came about from suddenly seeing his shortcomings in the bright light of day, the bluenette managed to find some sympathy for his laid back friend.

Wait, Anna on a rant, better shut up and listen…

“So what are you going to do about it?” A slim hand drummed restless fingers on the smooth table, fingernails uttering a demanding clicking noise. “Are you going to do anything at all?”

HoroHoro was wordless, speechless, unable to do anything, but stare at Anna. What was he going to do? What could he do? He’d always seen himself becoming Shaman King and just…somehow managing to create the lily field which would save his people’s spirit companions. He had had no realistic picture after losing, simply thinking, no assuming, that Yoh would help him out…

Yoh…last night…crap, there’s no way he’s ever going to help me now, not after I said no to him…

There must have been some sign of realisation, a look of despondency on his face for Anna made a satisfied sound in the back of her throat.

“Didn’t think so,” she sniffed, standing up, the hem of her customary black dress falling loosely around her thighs. “I’ll ring the airline then.”

“Nani?” The surprise was evident in his voice as he watched her with large eyes. “Airline?”

A condescending tone, one more commonly used on Manta. “So we can book you a flight home – it’s about time you actually did something for once.”

This was a real jaw dropping moment and HoroHoro obligingly did so. Had the Itako just organised to have him shipped home? Had he missed something in this conversation?

No, Anna made a decision and you just played into her hands.

And what Anna wants, Anna gets. The bluenette sighed, despondently, standing slowly. Resignation, that enough was clear as the Ice Shaman gave in to the stony Itako’s wishes. “Fine…whatever…”

Coffee forgotten on the table, HoroHoro made his way towards the door, but stopped obediently as an icy voice commanded him to.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

“I’d start packing now, Ainu. You’re on the first flight I can book.”

An intake of breath and its slow, anguished release. Barely enough time to say goodbye…

Goodbyes, so many friends. People who were closer than friends, people who were an integral part of his soul. Life without the threats of Ren or the sheer sleaziness of Ryu. Going through each day without the customary playful ruffle of Manta’s hair or the exchange of flirtations with Jun, much to her brother’s annoyance which led to the afore mentioned threats.

Kororo would be distraught – leaving Lyserg or more specifically Morphin behind and HoroHoro had his own regrets. Yoh, their friendship was one of the foundations on which he built his life. But there was faint relief in the fact that he was leaving – that Yoh felt anything more than friendship for him was unnerving and painful. Perhaps it would be better if he left…easier on both sides.

Pink hair. Shy eyes. A hesitant voice.

Tam…Shit…

How could he have forgotten? How could he just leave his best friend behind? It had been hard enough for her to open up to him, how was she going to keep up that small flower of confidence she showed around him? She’d be crushed, she’d revert back to the stuttering girl he had first met. In some ways, she still was that painfully shy girl, but around him…around him he had worked to bring out her true nature.

He didn’t want to go…he didn’t want to think about life without all those people, the ones he had become accustomed to.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

“Oh and HoroHoro…”

The sharp tones cut the Ainu out of his misery, his gaze jerking towards the blonde woman who seemed to be so callously tearing his life apart.

“You will be taking Tamao with you – I’ve had enough of her hovering around, not knowing what to do.” Anna sniffed disparagingly, contempt obvious for the shy pink haired girl. “Try and get her to find a backbone while you two are up north.”

Another jaw dropping moment. Was Anna, cold hearted Anna showing consideration? In allowing him to travel with his friend, to not be parted…no, Anna just wanted more of an opportunity to torture Yoh on her own without any distractions.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

A slow smile spread across his face and he was on the verge of actually jumping for joy.

“Don’t gawp, go and pack!”

HoroHoro was actually tempted to go ‘Yes Sir,’ simply because of her military command, but for health and safety reasons he refrained from commenting; one of the wiser choices he had made in his life.

What to pack? What to leave behind? Did his family keep what clothes he left behind? No, they’d be too small now…it had been so long since he’d been home. Pirika, he’d be able to see her again! Unlike Renny-boy, he had been wise enough to keep his sister away from the rather rambunctious men that inhabited this house.

Sisters always seemed to bring out the protective side in men.

“Ainu, I won’t say it again, get out of my sight.”

“Eeep…”

Once the dust cloud from HoroHoro’s departure had faded, revealing Anna still in her standing position by the table, silence filled the room, perhaps even more fully than before.

Eyes latched onto the forgotten cup of coffee, though fingers made no move to tidy it away. To those not versed in Anna-psychology, one would have thought that nothing had changed, that the rumours were true and that she didn’t have any emotions.

To those that knew her better…they might have been uneasy. The small lift of the corners of her lips, the strange gleam in her eyes, these were warnings enough. Anna was satisfied.

Red bandanna rippling sinuously down her back, the silken lengths containing her corn silk tresses, the Itako turned away from the table with a dismissive sound.

Mission successful.

I will not have any interference with Yoh – it’s about time that he realised he will be mine alone. I’m tired of having that pitiful excuse for a prophetess simpering around him – she’s only deluding herself.

A slight square of the jaw, the barest hint of a frown creasing her smooth brow. Anger. Anger lurking beneath the glacial front she lurked behind,

Yoh needs time, he needs to realise that what he thinks of as love is merely a pitiful form of friendship. I will not be second best!

The strong willed woman walked slowly and decisively out of the room, gaze distant and impenetrable as always.

Especially not to some jumped up Ainu with a snow fetish.

In a whirl of black cloth, red silk and blonde hair, the Itako was gone, her wants having been satisfied for now.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

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“You’ll take care of yourself now, won’t you?”

“Yes Jun-San.”

“And don’t forget to phone – you do remember the number?”

“Yes Jun-San.”

“Oh and if you ever get tired of HoroHoro, you call right away and I’ll come pick you up.”

“Yes Jun-San.”

“And stop calling me Jun-San, it makes me feel old.”

“Yes Jun…um, Jun-Kun.”

“There, that wasn’t so hard was it?”

“No Jun-Kun.”

The green haired woman gave an exasperated sigh as she looked at the timid Tamao from her position on the floor beside the moderately sized suitcase.

“Is this all you’re taking?” she asked, gesturing to the suitcase in question which she had had no problems in closing.

The pink haired girl nodded, twisting her hands restlessly in the baggy black material of her trousers, skin pale against the stark colour. “That and my carry bag…it was very nice of you to allow us to use your plane Jun-Kun, I’m not sure I would have been able to afford the fare otherwise.”

Is she always this painfully polite?, Jun thought curiously to herself, running absent fingers down the side of her dress.

“It’s no problem, dear – Ren didn’t mind, at least not too much.”

His actual words had been somewhere along the lines of, ‘As long as the baka doesn’t contaminate the water supply, let him.”

Tamao flushed and looked down at her interlocked fingers, the slender digits wrapped awkwardly around each other.

“That was very kind of your brother,” she murmured quietly, now rifling through the contents of her small black bag. Passport, check, bank book, check, sketch book, check…

“What about this Tamao, will you be taking this?” Jun’s curious voice roused the pink haired girl from her study of the three times checked bag. The older woman held a photo elegantly between two fingers, as one would hold a cigarette. Turning the thin sheet, she handed it over, Tamao taking it with tentative fingers, regardless of the fact that it was hers.

Flashback:

“HoroHoro-Kun, I think you’ve had too much sake,” Tamao chuckled helplessly as she batted away the hand that sought to loop over her shoulders.

“No…I haven’t had as much as Ren,” the blue haired Shaman protested, lips forming a slight pout as he looked at his friend. “’sides, it’s Yoh’s eighteenth, we’re supposed to get drunk.” He said this last part proudly, waving his small cup around with a cheer most would fail to reach. “Have you had any?”

“I’m only sixteen,” the petite prophetess said gently, attempting to subtly reach around and take the sake glass from him. “I’m not old enough to drink.”

“Really?” HoroHoro asked, looking surprised as he squinted at her, causing a red tinge to paint her pale cheeks.

“Hey HoroHoro, stop monopolising all the pretty girls, eh?” The raucous toned voice of Ryu rang out as the pompadoured man started to sway unsteadily towards the pair.

HoroHoro, in a moment of sanity, must have seen the horrified look on his friend’s face as she saw the white suited man advance towards her, trying to hide behind her Ainu companion without being obvious, for he scowled at Ryu and grabbed Tamao’s arm.

“Nuh-uh Ryu, go and play with Lyserg,” he said stubbornly, tilting his chin as he pointed towards the English teen who was standing uneasily at the edge of the group, a glass of what looked like water in his hand. Easily distracted in his rather inebriated state, the older man complied, lurching over towards the delicately featured teen.

Giggling out of sheer embarrassment, Tamao winced at the startled yelps which she heard from the direction Ryu had taken, probably stemming from poor Lyserg being groped.

“That wasn’t nice HoroHoro-Kun,” she remonstrated, but, when faced with his mournful expression, relented, “But it was a very kind thing to have done anyway.”

Like a puppy who had just been praised, the blue haired man grinned, exuberantly, not seeming to notice that his female friend had just relieved him of his sake as she had been attempting earlier.

“Neatly done,” a warm voice commented and Tamao looked up into a pair of very lazy, brown eyes, all their attention fixed on her. She gulped, suddenly very conscious of her scruffy appearance, black trousers and her customary baggy white top.

“Yoh-Sama,” she gulped uneasily, absently allowing HoroHoro to lean on her as he smiled fondly at them both, mumbling something about snow and new plum wine under his breath. “I…he…happy birthday.” She attempted the respectful bow that she normally gave him, but staggered under the weight of the Ainu leaning on her.

“Here…” She was also now forced to be aware of a warm body on either side of hers, indeed, both now seemed to be supporting her instead of her holding HoroHoro up.

This may have had something to do with the weakness in her knees caused by the close proximity of a certain brown haired Shaman King.

With her own arms looped around her Ainu friend’s waist and his arms around her shoulders, Tamao was in no position to fend off Yoh who was holding her around her own slim hips, a fact which caused the embarrassed flush to deepen on her features.

Luckily for her, when you blush pretty much all the time, people hardly notice it any more.

“Say cheese!”

A flash of bright light had left her blinking owlishly, white dots dancing in her vision only to clear and reveal a smiling Manta, who, unlike the rest of the group, had seemed sober and in his right mind. Except for the camera he held, which he seemed to have got the most inappropriate shots on, including several of Ryu doing unspeakable things to a haunted looking Lyserg.

End Flashback:

Tamao smiled absently down at the photo she held, unaware of actually how long she had just spent looking at the picture in her hands.

That night, she had been able to smell the alcohol on both of their breaths, the string scent of sake mixed with the less harsh rice wine they had begun the evening sipping at.

In the photo, the light was dim and hazy, the resolution grainy, but the pose was perfect. Laughing out of sheer nerves at the time, Tamao had somehow managed to look happy, eyes dancing, hair flicked back to expose her smooth porcelain skin, pink strands intermingled with both blue and brown lengths of hair. HoroHoro had his chin on her shoulder, impudent grin directed towards the camera out of teasing eyes. Then there was Yoh, his head over her own, lazy eyes looking over her with a fond expression. You couldn’t tell who he was looking at, but the poor girl who was looking at the picture now, in some deep corner of her heart, hoped that it was her he looked at with such compassion.

If she only knew.

“So, will you be taking it?” Jun asked quietly, a serene smile hovering around her peerless features, her hair down for once, softly haloing her face.

“Yeah…guess so,” the younger girl said quietly, tucking the photo quickly into her carry on bag and placing it neatly on her bed as she looked around her room.

So bare. Empty. No trace she had lived there except for a few scattered belongings she needed to bag up to go into storage. A skeleton a room. And she was leaving it behind.

A pang, a pain that needled her heart, pain tempered with relief.

She was leaving part of her soul behind in the care of one who didn’t even seem to know he held it.

“So are you all packed?”

A final look. Last chance to say no.

“I think so…yes, I’m ready.”

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A shadow in a doorway cutting a razor sharp across the room, rosy in the afternoon light. A single shadow falling into the vision of the man who was currently trying to close his suitcase.

“You’re leaving?”

There was so much in that one question. Hurt, fear, perhaps hope that it wasn’t true. Vulnerability opened up by that one little phrase. Three syllables. They never meant so much.

HoroHoro closed his eyes, fingers lingering over the clasp of the suitcase before closing it with a decisive click and turning to face the one who stood so warily at his door, literally clinging to the doorframe to stay upright.

“Yeah…” What else could one say to such an obvious question.

A pause, a silence. There were so many silences, ones that he had experienced today. This was teetering with emotion. Raw silence waiting to be broken with confessions or denials. Tension coming close to overload.

“I don’t want you to go.” A whisper. Breaking point. Desperation. A trembling lip and catch in the throat as the words faded into silence once more.

“I don’t want to go either,” the blue haired man said, attempting to keep a similar huskiness from his own voice, determined to stay strong. “But Anna ordered me to go and I must comply.”

His weak attempt at humour also lost the battle to hang in the air, to lighten the mood and also fell into the void where no joy could follow.

Teeth biting into a lower lip and a sudden reminder of another friend doing that when faced with the sorrow a breaking heart brings.

“You won’t get away from me that easily.” Pain yes, but determination. Anger in the midst of anguish.

A sigh escaped HoroHoro’s lips as he stood, lean frame unfolding. Crossing the small distance to the door, he looked into damp brown eyes, looking at them with all the comfort he could muster.

“I’m not trying to get away from you,” he said quietly, tone sincere. “I’m just fulfilling a dream.”

“While crushing my own.” A violent retort, designed to sting, to detract from the pain he was already feeling. “You think you can just leave and that will make all of this go away?” A sharp sweeping gesture crossing the space between them yet never bridging a further gap. “Well it won’t, you won’t escape me Horo, never. Things won’t change. You can’t…you can’t take yourself away from me.” The catch was more obvious, the hitch of breath, the indrawn sob. “You’ll see…I won’t let it stop me.”

Silence again and then a violent hug, bone crushing and given with feeling on both parts. Faces buried in shoulders and arms locked around each other, the pain of parting fuelling a fire in each of them, though in different ways.

Pulling back, definite tear tracks on his face now, crystalline drops perfect against the smooth ivory of his skin.

“Don’t forget me Horo.”

Escape, sounded by a sudden turn, him fleeing around the corner and out of sight.

Silence of a different kind. Melancholiness yet all for new beginnings. A dream ending yet another starting.

A sigh, ragged, but firm. Resolution, but realisation of a part of him that had just died. The end of innocence, the knowledge that love is a double bladed weapon and even love in a different form cannot soothe the pain of knowing that it isn’t the right sort.

Gaze falling to the floor where sun still lingered bravely as a rosy cloud on the polished floor. Burnished gold and dusky pink underlying the deep rose. There’s more than one colour in a single beam of light, dust motes dancing in it’s golden depths. There’s more than one view to the end of all things.

“I won’t forget you Yoh.”

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