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Unrequited?	By : cupnjava Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 2320 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Unrequited?
- 2-Unrequited? -- No More
- 1
- 2
Author�s Note: Being the 5/8 fangirl that I am -- I couldn�t leave it like that. So here�s an alternative ending. Hot off the presses -- not even sent to the betas so please forgive me the occasional mistype. My betas are too busy with chapter 17 anyway so here ya go.
Now that this plot bunny is out of my system, I�m going to go back to utterly embarrassing every fiber in Hakkai�s being in RAHO. Tee-hee I�m so evil.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*

Unrequited? -- No More

Towns came and went. Assassins came and went. The seemingly the same stretch of desert rolled under the wheels of the green jeep for weeks on end and finally they were in yet-another-inn in yet-another-town. Gojyo found it disheartening when he stepped into the two-bit inns. The latest one just felt, looked and smelled like the first one -- a subtle reminder that this disruption to his life was unending.
Life -- like he even had one before the mission. With the meal done and a few poker-players fallen before crimson card skills, Gojyo stood from the table to pay proper homage to Lady Luck. With the latest trophy upon his arm, Gojyo glanced over his shoulder and eyed the green-eyed member of their little traveling circus.
Hakkai was tucked into the corner of the common room in the inn. He had thick layers of former trees splayed out before him, a bottle of sake beside the perished hardwoods and a white dragon curled in his lap. Gojyo smirked; his friend couldn�t look happier. Wordlessly, he left with the prize of the night and set out to enjoy some adult recreation. He had his room key and room number, what else was there? To say? To need? To want?
Hakkai felt his friend�s eyes upon him and glanced up from some scribe�s words. He sighed as Gojyo stepped through the door frame. He sipped his sake and placed some money on the table. There was no need to sit at this uncomfortable table in this noisy room and pretend to read any longer.
Hakuryuu sleepily slipped upon his owner�s shoulder. Together they made their way to their room.
Gojyo played it well. He turned up the charm and had her giggling and smiling. This was too easy. Ease didn�t matter, what mattered was that his mind was off his troubles and she was kinda cute. What mattered was that he was heading toward physical rapture; all he needed were a few more smooth words, a handful of well placed glances and a couple of tender touches.
Aww, son of a bitch. The hair. Why do they always have to mention the hair? Fuck. Mood breaker of the worse kind. He�d wasted too much time with Ms.-Wanna-Know-About-The-Dye-Job, even all the after-hours places were closed. He had two choices: solitude or professional attentions. Sha Gojyo did not pay for sex. So, it was solitude as he made his way back to the seemingly-same inn as when they started this road trip.
West. Let�s go west. Sure sounded fun back then. Four guys and a dragon gonna head west, have a few laughs, create a few memories, save the world and all that happy horseshit. Hur-fucking-rah Now, so much time had passed it was just tired. Gojyo was just sick of it. Sick of the bumpy roads, the interrupted hours of sleep, the bullets whizzing through his hair---
Hair.
Crap.
A crimson haired man stood in the middle of a dirt road surrounded by the thick of night and paying for it began to seem like a decent idea. One sigh later and the pride of saying he�d never paid for it out-weighed the need to forget.
He stealthy made it through the inn and found his room. He softly opened the door and déjà vu slammed into him. There was Hakkai, almost like a faithful dog, who obviously had been waiting up for him, just like brunette use to when they shared that small place. The scholar had fallen asleep next to his converted bark. Fuck. That�s all he needed tonight -- a reminder that someone cared. Cared -- just not like that. Not the kind of caring he needed. Not the reminder that he was somebody, just the reminder that he was anybody.
He sat down at the small table and eyed his friend. Hakkai�s fingers were still curled around a page 58 of the book. Captured like a photograph. A frozen piece of motion and a static glimpse of history.
Wait. Wait one moment. Wasn�t page 58 the page Hakkai was reading the last time this happened? And the time before? And the time before that? He knew Hakkai liked to take his time when reading a complex snippet of literature, but god damn that teetered on ridiculous. That teetered on façade. That teetered on � feigning.
He didn�t know why, but his hand moved to Hakkai�s and his calloused fingers curled under the smooth skin of his friend�s. He held those long thin fingers in his own and watched as the candlelight reflected of seemingly perfect skin. Hakkai�s right hand -- smooth and perfect save for the writing callous on the furthest knuckle of the middle finger. Upon close inspection, Hakkai�s perfection revealed tiny flaws. Slight imperfections that seemed to create a stronger air of perfection. Soft tiny ridges in otherwise smooth fingernails. Gojyo smirked as he noticed a hangnail on his pal�s thumb.
He rubbed his thumb over the knuckle of Hakkai�s index finger and watched as he skin slightly shifted and the little light tan creases and lines in the demon�s fingers would stretch slightly revealing a pinkish undertone. Hands. Hakkai�s hands -- capable of such a tender healing touch and can just as quickly cease life.
Gojyo sighed. There was a saying that the most powerful of warriors placed the highest value upon peace. All good warriors hope for peace, but when necessity rears her ugly head those warriors can answer the call of protection.
He fanned his fingers along the underside of three of Hakkai�s fingers. Pray for peace and strive to protect -- that�s what these hands did. Woefully, these hands were not perfect, for all great warriors do make their mistakes and Gojyo knew that Hakkai sacrificed himself nightly for the loss of his lady-love. Damn shame too. Hakkai did nothing wrong, it�s just that sometimes shit happens.
Just as Gojyo was about to withdrawal his hand, light tan fingers curled around his. The blood left his face as�
�Did you find what you sought tonight, Gojyo?�
�softly slipped into his ears. Busted. He was totally busted. He was caught red-handed looking at--- red-handed. Red-handed. Aww fuck. Here he was lost in the complexities and oxymora of Hakkai�s hands and Hakkai caught him. Hakkai, who was temperamental about his hands. Hakkai, who always saw them tainted red. Hakkai, who would never forgive himself for only being �human�.
Gojyo lifted his gaze and found those emerald orbs. Those emerald eyes that tried so hard to be happy, but always hinted at a level of isolation that was unfathomable. �No, I don�t believe I did.� was Gojyo�s reply to the gentle probing.
Hakkai softly smiled, �Why is that, you think?�
Gojyo blinked at his friend. Here we go. Self-questioning psychoanalytical bullshit from the resident healer. Hakkai had this way of making you ask yourself the most difficult questions. In this tilted, one-sided question and answer series the man behind that smiling mask remained cloaked. The truth under the smile remained tucked away in dark corners behind locked doors all the while the knocker revealed all to the knockee. How was it that Hakkai could get them to share so much while keep himself so clearly hidden. Why did that emerald eyed man have to ask such probing questions? Questions that had readily available answers, but answers that were just too painful to admit -- AND --- how was it that Hakkai was able to get those answers validated by voice? �I suspect it�s not out there.�
Hakkai nodded in his unique I-already-knew-that-but-I�m-going-to-pretend-that-it-is-a-new-revelation way, �Only simulacrum trappings and false hopes?�
A crimson eyebrow lifted. Half that shit went right over his head, but he knew false hopes. Damn, if he didn�t know false hopes. Fuck, if he wasn�t up-close and personal with false hopes. False hopes that one day he�d have the balls to act upon what he knew. To act upon the given fact that what he sought wasn�t outside this room, but sitting at this table with him. Wait. False hopes? If they were so false why was Hakkai still holding his hand? �Yeah. Hope against hope, ya know.�
Hakkai sighed as his thumb ran across the back of Gojyo�s hand. �Hope in spite of hope or hope against hope?�
Gojyo knitted his brow, �Is there a difference?� Gojyo�s heart began to race. Hakkai was still holding his hand and now was increasing the touch. He tightened his hold on his friend�s fingers.
Hakkai softly nodded, �I ask myself that quite often.�
Crimson eyes blinked. Was this sharing? Was this a glimpse of what was beneath that smile?
Hakkai sighed as his free hand closed the book between them, �Gojyo, what is it that you seek?�
Crimson eyebrows knitted. He sought was each and everyone of us sought. He sought what infants instinctively cried for upon leaving the womb. He craved, needed, wanted, sought, quested for, and watched repeatedly as it slipped from his fingers --- love. The one thing that had been consistently denied him his entire life. The word slipped past his brain-mouth filter and honesty was thrown upon the table, �Love.�
Hakkai lifted an eyebrow, �How peculiar are you about the origin of your prize?�
Gojyo shook his head, �Not a damn bit.� His bottom lip began to quiver and he shoved a cigarette between his lips to cap his emotions. �Just as long as it exists in spite of my hair.� He was more peculiar about his fuck of the night than whoever would love him.
Hakkai tilted his head and brought his free hand to Gojyo�s. He curled ten fingers around the trembling tan appendage and pretended as if he didn�t notice. �In spite of, because of or in lieu of?
�Damn, Kai.� Gojyo shook his head, �I don�t care. Sometimes I wonder if I really care about real love.� He flicked his ashes, �As long as whoever they are makes me think they love me -- I don�t really care.�
Hakkai paled, �Please tell me that�s not the truth.� Hakkai was just reminded of the abused little boy that became the man before him.
Gojyo stared at his hand engulfed by his friend�s touch and knitted his brow, �Fool me. Trick me. Whatever. Just as long as when I close my eyes I believe that it�s real -- it can be built upon the sand for all I care.�
Hakkai�s breath hitched in his chest, �Deceive you?�
�Yeah.�
�Hurt you?�
�Yeah.�
�Beat you?�
�Yeah.�
�Hit you? Scar you? As long as the promise of love is on the horizon, it doesn�t matter?�
Gojyo dropped his cigarette in the ashtray and gripped his forehead. A broken whispering, �Yeah.� came from the bruised child inside the scarred man. �Is that too much to ask?�
Hakkai shifted a hand to Gojyo�s knee, �Gojyo, you know that�s not healthy. You know that�s � that�s clearly in the path of an abusive relationship.�
�That�s ok. As fucking pitiful as it sounds, that�s ok. I�ll put up with it as long as what I hold holds me back sometimes.� How did Hakkai worm the truth out of others like that? Damn. What kind of magic did those light tan hands possess? What kind of honesty evoking powers did those emerald eyes command?
Hakkai couldn�t watch this any longer. He couldn�t witness this one more second. He was going to cross the line that cannot be uncrossed. He was stepping beyond the point of return, �Why do you seek that, when you can have the real thing?�
Crimson eyes shifted into emerald, �Does that exist for me, Kai?�
Hakkai smiled a genuine smile, �Yes.�
That real smile washed across Gojyo and filled him with warmth. His body began to tingle and shivers danced down his spine, �Where? Show me and I�ll treasure it forever.�
Emerald eyes blinked, �Right here.�
Shock plastered itself across Gojyo�s face. He was dumbstruck. This couldn�t be. There was no way. The object of his desire was expressing reciprocation? Could it be that his feelings were requited?
Hakkai mistook the look upon his --- not lover�s --- face and began to pull back his touch, �Forgive me, I shouldn�t have said anything.� Hakkai shifted his head and looked at nothing upon the floor, �Don�t let this destroy our friendship, please.� He nibbled his bottom lip, �I can continue to love you from af---� Hakkai�s sentence was interrupted by Gojyo�s lips upon his own.
Gojyo dove into that kiss for all he was worth. His lips tried to absorb every ounce of warmth from the brunette. His tongue sought the honest embrace and touch of Hakkai�s and together they danced. They danced a tango of understanding � of honesty � of raw emotions and they waltzed to the beat of hearts. In a whirlwind of tingling spinning minds, Gojyo took Hakkai into his arms.
That night unlike any others before it, two lovers explored the definition of requited.
No more sentences filled the air that night and surprisingly clothing for the most part staid on. This night wasn�t about sex. This night was about finding what didn�t exist between the sheets. This night was about seeking what was found only in hearts and minds not in orgasm.
Finally, Gojyo found what he sought.
In the name of honesty.
In the name of bravery.
In the name of a requited love affair.
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