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Rememberance of a Dead Man	By : VisageWriters Category: Gravitation > General Views: 1083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Two: What Have I Done?

Yoshiki groaned as she sat up and held a hand to her head, a
headache pounding at her, her brain trying to escape its cage.

She stumbled from the bedroom, not even noticing where she was,
as she made her way to the bathroom, looking for aspirin. She
rooted through the cabinet for five minutes before cursing,
holding her head tightly, and leaning heavily on the sink.

Staring at the ceiling for hours, slowly blinking, he smoked one
cigarette after another. Normally, vain, he couldn't even find
the energy to wipe off stray flecks of fallen ash. He just let it
soil him. It was impossible to pretend he was alone and this was
just a normal night. Even with the case of beer downed and
flowing through his blood stream, he still couldn't make this
like every other day.

Maybe he had been half asleep; he hadn't moved in hours. Maybe
time had simply ceased to mean anything, and he let it carry him
along weightlessly.

Maybe he was just fucking insane.

Whatever the reason, as soon as he heard the sounds of objects-
bottles and containers- being pushed around his bathroom
cabinets, he bolted to an upright position. Steeling himself with
a few deep breaths and a smoothly puff from his cigarette, he got
up on shaky legs.

He almost felt like laughing when he reached the bathroom,
staring at the familiar pained face, leaning on the sink for
support. It was all so unreal.

"Do you need anything? Are you looking for something?"

He kept his voice flat, betraying nothing of the sadness and fear
inside. A wall of cigarette smoke shielded his eyes, puffing
harder to put up a streaming cloud to obscure his vision.

"Aspirin." She groaned as speaking hurt her head more
and leaned even more heavily on the counter, unable to understand
why her head hurt...why her chest hurt.

Why was Eiri standing behind her...

She frowned and looked at him, blinking, confused. She remembered...Tatsuha
suggesting she come here as her brother...she remembered knocking
on the door and teasing Eiri...but the rest was just a blur of
colours, thoughts, feelings, actions...and a gunshot.

She paled and clamped a hand to her mouth, turning to the sink
just in time to vomit what little she had eaten the day before.

"Color me surprised when I put you in bed and felt the
bandages binding your breasts." He paused, eyes narrowing
with distilled anger. He let her throw up, watching with
detachment as she poured the contents of her stomach into his
once glossy bathroom sink.

"Why? Why would you do something like that to me? Were you
laughing inside the entire time? Poor little Eiri-kun thinks his
Yuki is back from the dead, and is kissing him, and is telling
him he's sorry? I didn't think you had it in you to be so cruel,
Yoshiki."

It had crushed him, really. He had wanted so badly to believe
that it was real, and now he knew that it was not.

She froze, not looking at him as his words penetrated her brain.
She had...kissed him?

No...That wasn't possible. She wouldn't have kissed him. She
didn't remember kissing him, damnit. She wouldn't hurt Shuichi
that way, or Eiri himself. "I didn't..."

"You did. "

He held the frame of the door in a tight grasp, clutching it to
keep his anger at bay. It would do no good to break his chilly
image with a scream or cry, so he held it in, abusing the wooden
frame instead. "What the fuck was the gun for, though? That
really was the sickest part. And the lighter?"

The smell.

"It's not even that you came in here pretending to be him,
but you..."

Touched me like he did.

"I hate you."

The face was still the same, and he was having trouble looking in
it. If it weren’t for the eyes, those eyes that always shone
with Yoshiki’s happiness and spirits, it might have still
felt real to him.

"I didn't! I wouldn't have! That's to far and I don't even
OWN a gun. What kind of girl do you think I am you stupid
goldenrod!"? She blinked, confused as to why she called him
a flower. Her headache increased and she moaned in pain, closing
her eyes tight, hands pressing against her eyes.

Flashes of colour and voices assaulted her.

Goldenrod

The final decision of Eiri's true hair colour at the age of
sixteen.

Goldenrod...

A fond nickname to be used in intimate moments between an older
man and his young student.

Goldenrod!

A curse used in anger when the older man didn't want to truly
hurt the young man's feelings.

golden...rod...

The last whisper of a dying man as he truly saw the innocence he
had ruined.

Stop it...stop it...stop it...stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopit

STOP IT!

She clutched at her head, trying to shut off the voices, the
images, the memories she had no right to know.

Why couldn't they just stop? Why did they have to torment her,
letting her see things she shouldn't, know things she shouldn't.
She was insane. There was no other reason for this.

Goldenrod.

The ground flipped, and he was lucky to be still grabbing the
doorframe or else he would have fallen forward. He could feel the
breath against his chin and that tender, private nickname
whispered against his flesh. It always made him laugh, pretending
to push away in an effort that only made Yuki crush him tighter.
But not even those sweet visions could mask the look of mockery
on his face when he snarled the world, making Eiri feel utterly
disgusting, alien. Like he hated him.

"This… is not funny."

Had Yuki called him that around the house, and Yoshiki had simply
remembered the pet name given to the young boy who had so
captivated his older brother? "Just stop!" He managed
to pry his eyes open and saw Yoshiki clutching her hair, eyes
pressed shut so tightly that her face was turning red.

It was all coming apart piece by piece and there was nothing that
they could do to stop it. Reaching forward, he grabbed her wrist
tightly to pull her hand from her hair, demanding that she look
at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know!" She screamed it at him, struggling
against his grip, trying to get away from the pain, the memories.
"I keep seeing you when I shouldn't. I keep
smelling things and thinking things and none of it's mine and
he's dead! He's dead and I'm seeing things though his eyes."
She started to cry, lost and confused as to what was going on;
worried they would lock her away. Worried they were going to drug
her until she was a drooling idiot.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You really are a crazy bitch, Yoshiki. Maybe those hormones
they are giving you are fucking with your brain". Wait...
wasn't that supposed to come out sounding flat and angry? If so,
why did it come from him sounding so small and hurt? "I
don't know what you think you remember, but it's nothing. It's
all in your head. Taking your acting role a little too far,
aren't you? Don't worry, you don't need to set the stage for me,
I have my own set of memories." She was stronger than she
looked, but he grabbed her around the waist to keep her squirming, from
setting her free.

She laughed, a broken, bleeding sound. "I know what you look
like when you sleep on your books, when you're happy, when
you're sad, confused, hurt, lost, struggling." She reached
down with her free hand, gripping between his legs "I know
what THIS looks like, up close, every detail, from tip to the
mole just inside your thigh. But then again...I'm just insane."

"Well, Yoshiki, you should really stop peering through my
wind-" He stiffened when she grabbed him, freezing up
completely. His breathing hitched before slowing, so slow and
soft that it seemed nonexistent. Her… his…. The
presence of the body pressed against his was overpowering; a
phenomenon Eiri was certain was a product of his own mind. "Shuichi
could have told you…"

She laughed, the sound growing deeper, richer. "WHY would he
tell me? From the moment we met to only a little bit ago he hated
me. He's never told me anything of your sex life except that
you're on top. But I know that if I touch that mole just right...you
can turn bright red and whimper."

"Yoshiki, I am going to fucking kill you if you don’t
stop." He was begging, actually stooping so low to beg. But
his anger was tinged with rage, filling him slowly to consume him.
When it reached the top, it would explode. But it couldn’t
get any higher than the pit of his stomach, turning to pure fire.
"Maybe I was whimpering because I was being held down and
forced."

That wasn’t true. He had let Yuki touch him, delighted in it
and encouraged it. It wasn’t until the other men showed up
that everything turned gray. Before that, it had just been the
two of them, and Yuki had been apt in showing him how wonderful
being touched in all the right places could be. He had turned
bright red, and he had whimpered. And Yuki had told him just how
beautiful he looked and sounded when he did.

"But I don't want to stop, Eiri-kun. I want to continue...don't
you? It feels so good, doesn't it? I want to see you moan for me...don't
you want to? Haven’t you always wanted to?" Familiar
words...painful words. Two minutes later two other men had
entered the room where Yuki had last spoken them.

He felt the same word strangled in his throat, only this time it
was fear that kept his mouth tight shut. Before, when first asked
this very same thing, it had been shyness that kept him from
speaking; the word ‘Yes’ about to spill from his na�ve
lips. That was, before be had caught the sight of two bodies
lumbering towards him and Yuki getting up from where he had Eiri
pressed to greet them. Then, there was nothing but confusion,
pain, and helplessness.

He couldn’t help but cast a sly glance over his shoulder,
just to assure he was safe. That this wasn’t going to be
some sick full of performance for someone’s twisted
amusement. "I.. don’t want anything from you."

"Liar." He breathed the world out over Eiri's lips, his
eyes bright, knowing. "You want everything you wanted that
night. Take it. This time you can have everything you imagined."

He couldn’t help but laugh, closing his eyes to regain
control. "You’re sick, Yoshiki. Really twisted."
Yes, he just had to remind himself that this was a game. The dead
don’t come back to life. Even if… he did sound so much
like Yuki, the smell, the taste, and he knew so much that he
shouldn’t have known. That was secret between them. It was
so tempting; he could just pretend, couldn‘t he? "I’ll
play along, you nutcase. What did we used to do at 7:30 every
night?"

The answer was simple, at least to him. Every night at 7:30 they
would cut their lesson short, though they never told Tohma. Yuki
would feed him strawberry cake, his first time ever having it,
and they would watch a game show together. But Eiri never watched
the game show, but would sit close to Yuki with his heart
pounding, hard of hearing over the sound of his breathing.

"Would you like to spin the wheel or buy a vowel, Eiri?
Maybe we can spell strawberry and win a new car. "

His head went hot and began to swim, breathing picking up. It hit
him so fast he felt weak. Just a moment ago, he had been lucid
and alive. Now, he could barely keep himself up. "You gave
me my favorite food."

What a fucking stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing he
could say as he leaned in and pressed his lips to the other man’s.
It had taken him a long time to get to do that, and he had always
regretted never taking advantage of it when he could.

He kissed him back, his fingers greedily running through Eiri's
hair, groaning softly at the touch. He loved that hair. Granted
he had a hard on for almost everything about this man but that
hair had always turned his head. His brother never had figured
out why, after Yuki's death he suddenly had a blond fetish.

The fingers in his hair were driving him mad. He felt like a
kitten being petted, just like them, loved under the warm
tutelage of his elder tutor. "You were supposed to do this
from the beginning." It was all he could say before pushing
his tongue inside of the mouth, pushing him with his body against
the edge of the sink.

How does it feel to be pinned down?

He refused to stop kissing, even if the hands in his hair tugged
and ripped it out.

Yuki could only groan as Eiri took control, pressing against him,
relishing the feel. This wasn't some virginal sixteen year old
who annoyed him with his innocence...this was a man who was fully
ready to take what he wanted. His tongue moved over Eiri's,
tasting again, trying to memorize that taste that he had only a
few short times.

Eiri couldn’t help himself from tenderly abusing the man and
his skin. Biting, sucking, being rough with the pinches and
caresses of his hands. He was trying to hurt him without giving
up what he had wanted so badly for so long. Even the slightest
bit of pain felt would be worth it; it might make him feel less
angry inside. But really, it also had to do with passion that he
could not contain. It simply wasn’t in him to be gentle and
guiding. ": Aren’t you going to say all of the things
you used to?" Yes, he was taunting, even mocking in his tone.

"Tell me that I’m the most beautiful boy you’ve
ever seen? My hair, my eyes, my pretty accent. Don’t you
want to make me giggle? Or is the thrill gone now that you can’t
defile something untainted? Do you like me better now?"
Biting again, this time with more care, only lifting a patch of
skin to suck, as his hands strayed no further up than the stomach.
He didn’t want to reach up and feel the bandages. He didn’t
want to be reminded that this was all just some sick, twisted
fantasy. A delusion.

"But you're not a boy anymore, Eiri. You're a man...still
beautiful...still able to make me as hard as a rock, but you're
different now. And I want you more." And he did. He didn't
know how it was possible but the passion...the burning desire he
felt for what had once been a boy, increased when now faced with
the man he had become. He reached up, fisting his hands in Eiri's
shirt before ripping it apart, mouth moving hungrily over Eiri's
flesh, biting, sucking, tasting. He moaned and shifted, one hand
working on the other man's belt, throwing it across the room as
he shoved his hand eagerly into his pants. Fuck foreplay. He
wanted him NOW.

Eiri hadn’t a chance to get a word out before he was
attacked. But it wasn’t the same sort of attack as before.
There was no fear, at least not of that former brand. This was a
new kind of fear, the sort that came from anticipation and long-kept
excitement; trying something new for the first time that you had
been wanting to indulge in.

It was all happening so fast, the pace dizzying, that he couldn’t
catch up. His brain was in a delicious fog, his skin the only
part of him keenly aware. And it felt so good; those lips knew
everywhere to move, just the right pressure to bite, just the
right force to suck.

Grabbing him by the front of the shirt, Eiri began to walk
backwards out of the bathroom, pulling him along the hallway to
the dark bedroom. In the center of the room, headboard against
the wall stood the bed. That was his destination. Slinging an arm
over his shoulder, he began a counterattack fill of as much
ferocity as he had been assaulted with. It was different: he knew
what he wanted; he was not shy, but experienced and eager.

Roughly, he pushed the male down on the bed and crawled up to
gently straddle his hips. Slowly, he sank so that the man below
was entirely pressed down with the weight of his sitting body.
And Eiri stared down at him, beginning to undo his own pants,
though he left them hanging open.

"Hard, hm? Do you remember the time you took me swimming?
How crazy are you? Is that in your head, too?" He had two
brains. One was aware of this utter farce, but the other simply
accepted it.

Yuki bucked up against the man straddling him, moaning as he
looked up at him. "I remember everything, Eiri. You think
I'm crazy? You haven't even come close to what this reality is."
He sat up as best he could, kissing Eiri hungrily, biting at his
lips before pulling away, smirking.

"Do you know how much I wanted to shove you against the side
of the pool and just thrust into you until you screamed? Water...dripping
down your hot little body, I wanted to lick every drop until you
writhed and moaned. But then…I don't think you would have
been too adverse to the idea considering how you kept watching me."

"It was so hard to watch you… walking around with no
shirt on, dripping wet, smiling at me every time you caught me
looking. I was so scared that you could read my mind. Too bad you
couldn’t. If you had, I would have ended up exactly like you
wanted me." He looped his arm around the man’s back,
holding him up to dive into another deep kiss. Eiri took his
time, urging his partner to open his mouth. Sliding out his
tongue, he licked both the top and bottom lips, one at a time,
slowly dragging his tongue along. Plunging it inside, he
purposefully let it roll around at a leisurely pace, allowing
himself the moment to simply taste and feel. The more he did it,
the more he began to groan and press against the semi-prone form
below him.

Tearing away, he pressed the man back down to lie on top of him,
swooping down to his stomach. "Tohma would smell me when I
got home, telling me that I stank of cigarettes and stale air. He
was smelling you. He knew it was because you couldn’t keep
your hands off of me, and I could never stop you. I doubt it was
because he was trying to protect my virtue when he was doing the
exact same thing to me."

Deft fingers popped open the buttons to the jeans, working them
down eagerly. Too eager, in fact. The pants were only down
inches, sliding the rest of the way, when his lips attacked the
hip bones, trailing to the soft plain of flat skin just before
the line of pubic hair began.

Yuki groaned, watching Eiri intently as he hungrily consumed his
flesh. "Tohma was...fuck…jealous. He wanted to be your
first...your only. He couldn't stand the fact that I could have
you do whatever I wanted with just a request." He ran his
fingers through Eiri's hair, pushing his hips up slightly in hint
of what he wanted.

"I used to tease him...call you up and schedule appointments
when I knew he wanted you alone. And you always came. No matter
what you came to me. I would invent errands for you to run just
to watch his face as you ran to play fetch. I loved that face. He
truly is a spoiled little brat."

"People… rarely say no… to Seguchi Tohma."
Eiri’s voice was broken by his harsh, erratic breathing,
punctuated by the wet sounds of his every suck and lick. "I
wasn’t as stupid or innocent as you thought. I knew you two
were competing for me… I knew that I was the prize. I just
sat back and waited for one of you to win. All of this scared the
shit out of me; I didn’t know what to do with how I felt. No
one had ever showed me. But how was I supposed to say no to your
smile? I would have done anything for you."

He finally took down the pants, sliding them off entirely. His
hands feathered up the length of slim male thigh, a shaky breath
elicited from his chest that ended with a soft growl of a groan.
His hands slid up to the man‘s shoulders, staying away from
the chest area unconsciously, but his body stayed in its
position, which inevitably ended with his face pressed against
the man’s groin. Opening his mouth, he sucked on the side of
the shaft, nibbling gently at the flesh

Yuki groaned, twisting on the bed. He had waited too long for
this...and it was so much better then he could have ever imagined.
For one, he didn't have to teach Eiri anything. "Who did you
truly want to win, Eiri? Which one of us did you want to wrap
their arms around you and teach you just what to do with those
feelings?" He clasped one of those beautiful hands, pulling
the fingers to his mouth, kissing them before sucking on the
first two digits, his tongue swirling around them.

Eiri heard the questions, but he was not immediately able to
formulate a coherent, lucid answer. At least not one that would
have made any sense. Warm, wet lips and tongue wrapped around his
fingers. Those sensations alone drove him wild, not to mention
the suggestive connotation of it. A hint, maybe? No more a hint
than the press of his hips up. "Oh...Yuki…It was so
hard for me to decide. You and Tohma were different from each
other. Both exciting. I had crushes on both of you. But you, Yuki…
you… It was you." And that was also what had pissed
Tohma off. He had become so engrossed with Yuki that Tohma had
felt threatened in his position of being the center of Eiri’s
world rotation.

"What does it make you that he was?" He laughed,
looking up. "Willingly, maybe." Sliding his tongue out,
he began to lick the tip before drawing it in his mouth. It was
simply too much. The world spun and he never ever wanted it to
stop. Delicious flesh, hot and alive under the pressure of his
eager lips. He couldn’t take enough in, couldn’t lick
enough area at once. He just wanted to consume it entirely.

Yuki would have replied but Eiri's hot, warm mouth made him gasp,
body trembling. So long...

He sucked harder on the fingers in his mouth, lapping at them
hungrily, tasting every nuance of what he could. He pulled
another finger into his mouth, giving it the same slightly rough
tongue bath, his hand in Eiri's hair struggling not to pull or
push but wanting more. "Eiri..."
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Rememberance of a Dead Man