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Hel(l)	By : Macx Category: +. to F > DNAngel Views: 2903 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DNAngel, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Hel(l)
- 2-part 2
- 3-part 3
- 4-part 4
- 5-part 5
- 6-part 6
- 7-part 7
- 8-part 8
- 9-part 9
- 10-part 10
- 11-part 11
- 12-part 12
- 1
- 2
- 3
�You triggered it. It is called flashback.�
�How? By touching him?�
Satoshi shook his head. �No. By holding him down. Think about it, Dark.�
Dark blinked.
�You took his wrists.�
Dark blinked again.
�You held them above his head.�
Dark�s eyes widened as realization slowly crept in. �Oh no��
�You pinned him down� immobilized him. Your words may have been the
last straw � and then, wham.�
Dark ran a hand over his face, shuddering. He looked like he was about
to be sick and Satoshi felt the same.
�I knew,� he whispered roughly, �and yet I��
�It�s not unusual when it comes to victims of violence or rape, especially
when it happens over a prolonged time.�
Dark�s head shot up at that. He knew as well as Satoshi what Krad�s
past had been like, what those Tamers had been like� he knew about the
physical aspect of the abuse�
Sad blue eyes met the wide violet ones. �It doesn�t always have to be
physical, Dark. To be stripped of one�s own will, to be a toy for someone�s
moods, the own life depending on someone else�s temper, experience pain
and torture, being totally helpless, starting to hate yourself for it�
I�d say it�s as bad. Abuse is abuse.�
Dark watched Satoshi closely, a certain suspicion rose he didn�t really
wanted to put into words. And yet �
�Satoshi?�
A smirk.
�Don�t worry. Not a first hand experience. Father might have been a
cold-hearted bastard, but he never went that far. Someone I know. But that�s
not important at the moment.�
�No� but what can I do now, Satoshi? I� hurt him, again, and this time
it was really bad. I should have known better.�
�Yes, you should. But it happened, and I say it was inevitable since
Krad has started to acknowledge his past, since he has started to live
� and love.�
�Why was it inevitable?�
�As I said, flashbacks aren�t uncommon among survivors. Something triggers
it; a sound, a smell, a word, whatever, and at the same moment the survivor
is back in the position. And he reacts to that, not the actual situation.
Partners of survivors have to face a long and windy road when they want
to help them, and sometimes the partners can�t deal with it.�
Dark sat stunned by Satoshi�s words.
�How do you know all this?�
Another smirk that was almost a smile. �Psychology degree. I can recommend
a book, it�s called �Allies in Healing�. It can help you, if you want,
especially how to treat Krad with future episodes.�
Dark swallowed. �Future� you think this will happen again?�
�I bet it happened before, and he just hid it better. And yes, it will
happen again. For now � Dark, you have to talk to him. Be there for him,
but don�t corner him. Let him take the lead, don�t push. I�m fairly certain
he�s as shocked about his own reaction as you are. He�s still learning
how to deal with emotions, especially this kind, especially his. He might
not tell you, but he needs your help.�
Dark let his head sink between his shoulders. �I�m not sure I can be
of help� I� I have to learn myself.�
�Then learn together, Dark. Besides, Daisuke and I are here for you
two as well. All you have to do is say a word.�
�Satoshi? Thank you.�
Satoshi smiled. "You're welcome."
Dark closed his eyes, seeming so very small and defeated. "If� if you
can talk to him� I'd like to see him, Satoshi. Tell him, okay? I'm not
angry."
Satoshi nodded, feeling a little shiver from the tightly curled ball
inside. Krad had listened. He had no idea how long or how intently, but
he had listened. Reaching out, gently caressing the hurt being, he whispered,
//Don't hide from him, Krad. You need him just as much as he needs you//
The answer was a faint ripple.
"Go and talk to him," he said out loud, addressing Dark.
The kaitou looked dubious, but he rose nevertheless.
"Dai's probably sleeping, so don't disturb him. He's got exams coming
up," Satoshi added.
"I won't. Thanks."
And with that Satoshi was alone in the messed-up room. He sighed and
shook his head, heading over to the library to find a comfortable couch
chair to weather whatever possible storm was coming.
Inside him, Krad was still trembling with relived memories and Satoshi
curled around him, hugging him gently.
//Don't let him wait, Krad. Don't hide//
There was no answer, but at least Krad wasn't pulling away.
* * *
Dark slowly entered the realm, the only place he shared with Krad when
they weren�t corporeal, and looked around. It looked like it always did.
Krad was nowhere to be seen and he hadn�t actually expected him to show
up, at least not now. He knew Satoshi would try and convince him to come
here, but Dark wasn't so sure Krad was in any mood to confront him.
Making himself as comfortable as he could, Dark sat down. He would wait
for Krad, as long as it would take, and that, he mused, might be a long
time.
So Dark waited.
And waited.
There was no change in the scenery, no setting sun, no breeze, no birds
passing in the sky. It was a landscape made up by a mind he had come to
understand more and more, by a man he loved and not hated, by someone who
had lived in a world of abuse and was just now learning how to walk again.
And finally Dark decided to just talk, not really sure if Krad was able
to hear him, but knowing that the demon could if he only wanted to.
�Krad, I� I�m sorry for what I did."
His voice was soft, wavering a little as memories flashed, and he rubbed
his bruised chest. Had Krad wanted to kill, he would be a smear against
the wall. As it was he was only bruised, his ego slightly battered, and
his thoughts turmoiled.
"I should have known better," Dark continued, staring at the ground
between his feet. "But I simply forgot; in that moment I forgot everything.
I know it must sound funny, but I could only think of you. I wanted you
to feel good, feel the pleasure I wanted to give� I didn't think� I just
didn't�"
And that was the whole problem with him, Dark realized. He never thought.
At least not when his mind was overpowered by whatever instinct was driving
him. He knew Krad's past, knew of the exorcisms and the chains holding
him down, hurting him, controlling him. Still, he had chained him with
his own hands, had forced him into a submissive position, with an aggressor
towering over him.
Shit!
"Satoshi explained this flashback-thing to me," he said after a moment.
"I can�t say I completely understand it right now, but I want to� I want
you, Krad, all of you. If I could I would make you forget, but� wouldn�t
that be the easy way out? I don�t know. All I know is that for almost three
hundred years we tried to kill each other, and that has changed, too. I
changed, and so did you, and, Krad, I want� I want to be at your side,
want to have you at mine. I want us to learn how to live and love together,
and I want to be there for you when� ever.�
Dark knew he was rambling but he knew as well that this might very well
be a one-time chance, a last chance, that he had to find the right words
now, or he might lose. He would lose Krad. A few years ago that would have
made him laugh. Back then he had wanted to get rid of the angelic demon
as badly as every Niwa in every generation that had encountered him. Now�
now they formed a balance. All of them. Daisuke and Satoshi included.
A faint difference in the atmosphere told him he was no longer alone
in their realm, that Krad had appeared but didn�t approach. He didn�t turn
to look for the demon.
�I want us to be together, to be a unity again, but of another kind.
I can�t forget what I felt when I saw Satoshi�s Unity, and what I said
back then counts. I�m so sorry to have hurt you that way, and I�ll try
my best not to do it anymore. I just� forgot to switch on my brain, as
usual." He smiled darkly. "Not that I can promise that won't happen again,
but I� I'd never hurt you on purpose, Krad. Never��
�They were tied around my wrists,� a soft voice came from behind, and
Dark looked up, but he didn�t turn.
Krad�
He felt the other's presence, the sharp radiance of his magic, still
boiling, still spiked by his emotions. Dark remained still, tensing slightly.
�And my forearms," Krad whispered roughly. "They were forcing my wings
out from under me, spreading them. The chains� around my throat, my waist,
my ankles� they would burn when I fought them. They were� pinning me down,
holding me in place.�
The voice grew more ragged with each recollected memory and Dark felt
himself tremble with the need to embrace the wounded soul, soothe him,
make it all go away, though that particular wish was not in his power to
fulfill.
Krad appeared at his side, and a quick glance showed Dark that his lover
was staring off into space. He was dressed in the white outfit he had adopted
after returning from the Black Wings, and it told Dark more than anything
how emotionally unsettled he was. Krad had changed his style, had taken
to wearing different colors, so returning to white was.. unsettling. His
heart clenched, but he kept silent. This wasn�t for him.
�I couldn�t move, and I couldn�t sleep. One day, I fought.�
Dark shuddered at the almost emotionless tone of voice, trying not to
imagine what the chains must have done to the demon.
�They singed my flesh, burned my wings and� they tightened, breaking
my bones. I couldn�t even scream, because I didn�t have any air left, they
were strangling me, too.� The voice was flat, delivering a speech that
showed little of what was raging inside the tortured being.
Krad sank down beside him, still staring off.
�It was the only time I slept. I fell unconscious because of the damage.�
Dark shuddered again, the entire meaning of his thoughtless action slamming
down on him. Ohgodohgodohgod�..
He was such a damn idiot!
Krad turned and huge, golden eyes looked at him seriously.
�When you�. held me, it� suddenly hurt. Burned. I couldn�t breathe,
I couldn�t move��
�Krad�� he tried, voice laced with desperation.
�Shhh," the blond demon quieted him. "I know you didn�t mean it.�
�What was done to you during the last centuries��
�Wasn�t my fault, nor was it yours. I know that, too. And I refuse to
stay a victim, Dark. I have a life now, and� as scary it may be for me,
I want to live it, want to find a new meaning for my existence � other
than to kill you, that is.�
�Satoshi called you a survivor.�
Krad blinked. �Survivor? I never pictured me as such...�
�Maybe we should talk about that later,� Dark offered hopefully.
He wanted to help. Badly.
�Yes, maybe.� Krad�s expression changed when Dark shifted a little uncomfortably.
�I�m sorry, too. Did I hurt you?�
�Not too badly. But I think Satoshi's a little disgruntled about the
renovations he'll have to do.� A light smile teased at Dark's lips, and
he hoped his lover would react.
He did. Krad chuckled.
�I�ll take care of that.�
�How �bout we do it together?�
�Deal.�
Krad was silent for a few minutes.
�Dark� you know� if you hadn�t sealed us back into the Black Wings,
Satoshi would have died.�
Huh? Where was that coming from? All of a sudden, too!
�I should have said it before.. I never did. Thank you�� It wasn�t much
more than a whisper, but Dark heard it. "Thank you for giving me this life,
Dark. I owe you this second chance just as much as I owe it to Satoshi."
�Krad��
�No�� Krad held up a hand. �Don�t. Just accept it, okay?�
�Okay.�
�Krad? I would� I�d really like to touch you now. May I?�
Golden eyes widened in surprise. �You never asked before,� Krad stated
levelly.
Dark held the inhuman gaze. �Maybe I should have. May I?�
�No. I don�t want you to touch me.�
Dark�s face fell and he nodded sadly, trying not to show his disappointment.
Still, it stabbed into him, hurting.
�I want to touch you.�
A whisper, accompanied by two gentle fingers brushing over his jaw,
turning his head toward the golden eyed demon. Dark didn�t have time to
be surprised as lips brushed over his in an infinitely tender caress. Krad
sneaked one arm around his shoulders, and he allowed himself to be pulled
against his lover�s chest. Gentle fingers combed through his hair as Krad
leaned back, cradling him in his embrace, holding him close. Dark closed
his eyes, breathing in the other man�s scent, listening to the soothing
heartbeat. He laid a hand on Krad�s chest questioningly and, as it wasn�t
denied, let it slip under his shirt, not to arouse, just to feel his lover�s
warmth and closeness.
�I thought I'd lost you�� he sighed, now content.
The very thought of being alone, without Krad, scared him. Within months
the hatred of centuries had been turned into love, into need, and the bond
between them. Two sides of the same art work. Not so very different from
each other, not good, not evil. Just� them.
�We are one.�
�Yes. There's that. Uh� shouldn�t I be the one comforting you?�
�You can do it next time.�
Dark made a soft sound. �You think there will be a next time?�
�Knowing you � yes.�
�Thanks for that vote of confidence.�
Krad chuckled and Dark felt a soft kiss placed on his temple.
�You�re an idiot, Dark Mousy.�
�I know,� Dark sighed. �How come you always forgive me?�
�Because��
There was a sudden hesitation in Krad�s voice, and Dark looked up, feeling
those inhuman, intense eyes resting on him.
�I� I think it�s because� I love you.�
Three words. Uttered with so much wonder in his voice, Dark couldn�t
do anything but stare at Krad, his former Nemesis, arch enemy, deathly
rival.
�Krad� I know that I love you.�
The kiss sealed their new found unity, and when Dark sank back onto
Krad�s chest, strong arms securely tightening around him, he was utterly
at a loss for words.
There was nothing to be said for now.

tbc...
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Hel(l)