Illusions of Life

Important disclaimer: I have jacked these characters from their rightful owner in order to live vicariously through them. They do not belong to me in any way, shape or form.

EiriXShu

NC17 but not until chapter 10 (sorry.)

If you have time, please review.

Illusions of Life


Chapter 2
Victim of Love


I don’t wanna look like some kind of fool
I don’t wanna break my heart over you
I’m building a wall, everyday it’s getting higher
This time I won’t end up another victim of love.

You say that I could show some emotion,
That I’ve been keeping secrets from you.
But I can see through all your sweet talk,
And all of your affection untrue.
I’m gonna find you out, if I scream and I shout.
You won’t break down my protection.

I’m gonna lock what up what I’m feeling inside,
Ain’t no way you can break down the door.
‘Cos this time I’ve learned my lesson,
You can take this declaration of war.
Step right back, put on your coat and your hat,
Gonna avoid all complication.

I don’t wanna look like some kind of fool
I don’t wanna break my heart over you
I’m building a wall, everyday it’s getting higher
This time I won’t end up another victim of love.


Two nights after the demolition of my front door, Bad Luck had a concert. Tohma invited me as a way to observe Shuichi from a distance before the actual confrontation happened. I felt ridiculous skulking around but at the same time I accepted the invitation because I really wanted to see Shuichi. I hadn’t seen him on stage in several years and I was curious at how he would be in concert after so much polishing.

Tohma and I sat in the bar while the warm up band played. I got to ask a few questions while sipping some wonderful scotch whiskey on NG’s expense account. I lit a cigarette, “So Tohma, who’s stupid idea was it that Shuichi get a license?”

Tohma blinked, “License?”

“Yes. I read where he had wrecked a motorcycle and a very lovely BMW.”

Laughing, my longtime friend said, “Shuichi couldn’t pass a driving test if he wanted to. He also wrecked Ryuichi-kun’s Mercedes but we managed to keep that one under wraps.”

“So, no license,” I sighed in relief. “Well, that helps bring my opinion of the Japanese motor vehicle licensing department up a notch or two.”

Still smiling Tohma answered, “If you flash enough cash, you don’t need a license.”

I nodded, “Bad Luck must be doing pretty well then?”

Sighing, Tohma said, “I’m sorry to say, they just beat Grasper’s numbers in total overall sales last week. They are an unbelievable cash cow for NG. Shuichi is stinking rich.”

“I see. No wonder you are so “worried” about Shuichi. With those kinds of numbers, I can’t imagine that NG would consider dropping Bad Luck even with all the outrageous antics Shuichi is pulling right now.” I furrowed my brow at him, “Scare tactics, right?”

“I could never fool you, Eiri. You are just too clever.” I glared at him. He smiled and continued, “The truth is all the publicity has helped their sales. Right now I’m more worried about the band self destructing.”

“Always a possibility when an idiot is your leader,” I let the implication hang in the air like stale perfume.

He smiled that patient smile of his and sipped his drink.

“So, Tohma, you have never approved of Shuichi as my boyfriend, why are you so eager to have me see him again?”

“Because you love him. And you haven’t been the same since you left him. That’s apparent to everyone.” He swirled his drink in it’s glass, “Every time I visited in New York, you were so lonely. Empty. Sad even. You are the only one that hasn’t seen that.”

He was wrong about that. I did see that in myself. Everyday was a struggle to go on without Shuichi with me. Shuichi was what made me whole, without him... I was empty. But I also couldn’t go on treating him the way I did. Those cruel words I tossed so easily at Shuichi were killing him, and killing him was also killing me. Leaving him probably meant my own destruction, but destruction of one was better than two, wasn’t it?

“I don’t think you were destroying him,” Tohma said softly.

I started, I hadn’t realized I had been speaking out loud, “But I hurt him.”

My brother-in-law nodded, “Yes, you did hurt him. But when he got better you were gone. That hurt him worse than any physical injury could have.”

“I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if I can,” I said miserably.

“Eiri,” Tohma looked me in the eyes, “just do what you always do. He’ll come around.”

“From everything I’ve heard, I’m not so sure about that. By the way Tohma, Shuichi never asked you to “help” him, did he?”

Tohma’s eyes suddenly shifted away from me, “Ah, Sakano-san, are we ready?”

Magically, Sakano materialized at Tohma’s side, “Sorry to interrupt, Mr. President, sir. We’ll be on in about five minutes.”

As we made our way to the private suite to watch the concert Sakano asked me how long it had been since I’d seen Shuichi in concert. When I told him, he cooed in excitement. “Oh, I think you will really enjoy this. Shuichi is amazing now. Not that he didn’t always have hypnotic charisma on stage but now… he is unbelievable. And when him and Hiroshi are in the groove together, well!! It’s almost sensual.” He stopped suddenly, blushed a bright crimson and hurried off.

“Wow. He certainly likes them,” I smirked.

“Even I must admit, they are very amazing,” Tohma sighed again.

Now that surprised me, Tohma lavishing praise on Shuichi? Had Bad Luck really gotten that good or did this have something to do with the question Tohma had just dodged about the “help”? I frantically pushed that image out of my mind.

We got comfortable just as the lights began to dim. Suddenly, several multi-colored lights began revolving on the stage and the audience went absolutely wild as they cheered for their favorite band. The lights stopped revolving and honed in on Nakano just as he stroked his guitar and a loud chord rang out, feedback blaring in a bone jarring whine for the opening of the song “Strawberry Girl,” a recent hit.

The lights split and whirled again this time coming to rest on Fujisaki as he join Nakano and let loose the crashing beat on the synthesizer. They were perfectly in synch as the two of them rolled the music over the crowd like a crushing wave. The floor became a writhing mosh pit, suddenly filled with life and a destiny of it’s own, if only for a few hours.

Once again, the lights split as Nakano and Fujisaki drew out the length of the opening, the crowd becoming restless in it’s frenzy to see Shuichi.

The lights froze finally and the crowd’s roar was so loud I couldn’t even hear the thumping of the synthesizer. But I didn’t care. There he was. The reason everyone was here.

On a raised platform, some 10 feet up, he stood, arms outstretched to the crowd as if he were a preacher at a holy revival. He was wearing some unbelievably tight, hip-hugging black leather pants and a skimpy, short black silk tank top that clung to him like a second skin and revealed a portion of his taut belly and prominent hip bones. Over the tank top he wore a long-sleeved see-through pink and purple gauze shirt that hung open and unbuttoned, sliding off one shoulder in a innocent, seductive way. He had on some silly black leather bondage wrist bands and a matching collar. His hair was longer than I had ever seen it, tied back in a pony tail it almost reached his waist. It was still pink, albeit a few shades lighter.

Fuck me, he was beautiful.

Throwing back his head, he began to sing. I was startled, I didn’t know he had gotten so much better. Gods, his voice was beautiful, also. He had truly reached his goal of passing his god, Sakuma Ryuichi in talent.

“Fuck.” I whispered.

Tohma looked at me and smiled. The smile said, “Just wait. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

The song went on and Shuichi’s voice matched the frenzy that was the audience and fed it back to them. They loved it and answered with even more electricity. Shuichi was lightening in a bottle. It was amazing. After the song finished, Shuichi ran the length of the platform and jumped. I caught my breath, along with 27,000 others. He tumbled through the air, landing, surprisingly, on his feet. The crowd screamed as one then cheered for several minutes before Shuichi could get them under control. He was laughing.

I turned to Tohma, “That little stunt must take years off of Sakano’s life.”

Tohma nodded, “He’s supposed to do it with a wire, but he refuses. It’s all that martial arts stuff he’s been doing. He thinks he’s invincible.”

“Huh, he must not have broken anything yet.”

“Well, nothing major. A few ribs and tore some ligaments on his right knee.”

“Fuck,” I said again. Out of control.

The rest of the concert was more of the same, driving back beat mix with an angst-driven guitar and a sexy, sultry voice. Shuichi sang and danced, grinding his hips into the fantasies of the writhing, worshipping crowd that lay at his feet. Like the rest of the audience, I found I could not tear my eyes from Shuichi. He was so entrancing, so sexy. And he knew it.

At one instance, as Hiro concentrated on his guitar during his solo, Shuichi dropped to hands and knees and crawled across the stage to Nakano. Once there, he put his hands around his long time friend’s legs and stood up slowly, sliding his hands along Nakano’s lean form. As the solo progressed, Shuichi began to rub his body against the guitarist and moaned softly into the microphone. The crowd surged in delight, thriving on the raw sexuality Shuichi fed them. As the solo wound down, Shuichi licked his friend’s neck in long, slow enticing movements. Hiro’s eyes were closed and he tipped his head to give Shuichi better access. I was impressed by the fact that Nakano could still play while Shuichi teased him with that talented tongue of his.

And the frenzy of the crowd grew.

Shuichi began to croon into the microphone again as he increased his touching, running one hand through the long reddish-brown hair then under the collar of Nakano’s black shirt. I could tell the guitarist was straining to keep control as he continued to play. The crowd was chanting, “Kiss him!” “Kiss him!” Shuichi grinned and as the song ended he granted the crowd’s wish as he threaded his hands through Nakano’s hair and kissed the guitarist with slow abandonment. There was no fight from Hiroshi.

I feared a riot would break out, the crowd was so crazy in it’s lust. Personally, I didn’t like it but found I was partially turned on anyway. Was this part of the act? I turned and looked to Tohma for confirmation.

He nodded. No wonder Nakano was confused by his friend’s actions.

“Fuck,” I said yet again. Out of control.

Tohma nodded again and said, “He has become every girl’s wet dream and quite a few boys as well.”

I could see why. Fuck, I wanted to take him home. Then again, for me that was not really new…

We met two days later at 9:00 am. Noriko and Tatsuha had also showed up declaring themselves as much a part of Shuichi’s life as the rest of us. Personally, I think Tatsuha just wanted to see Ryuichi. The eight of us waited for K to deliver Shuichi. I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. Who were we to dictate what Shuichi did with his life? Especially me. Maybe we should leave him to the experts, the psychiatrists with their multitude of happy pills.

Whatever.

Shuichi was swearing when he threw open the door, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, K, I told you!! He told me he was eighteen, how should I know any differ…” he stopped and glared at the room of people, “What the hell is going on in here?”

Then he saw me. He started to laugh. It was a creepy laugh and there was no humor in it, “What the fuck? Hey, hey, look what the cat dragged in, it’s the fucking almighty Yuki Eiri! Well, what do you say, Yuki-san?”

I nodded at him and said softly, “Hello, Shuichi. How are you?”

He smiled the same fake smile I used and knew so well, “Why would you ask me that? We all know that you don’t give a rat’s ass about me. How did they manage to twist your arm, of all people, and get you involved in this drama? Tohma must have pulled out all the guilt, huh? Or did K threaten you with a bullet? Sakano offer you money? Maybe Hiro or Sakuma offered you sex? You taught me, remember? No one does anything out of goodness of their heart.”

Ouch. He managed to wound almost of us at the same time. Hmm… he was pretty good at this.

“Shuichi,” Tohma said warningly, “sit down and behave.”

Shuichi gave a salute and sat down.

“All right,” K waved his gun in the air, “Shuichi, we’ve got a problem. You are the problem. Now we,” K pointed at all of us around the table, “have all come to the realization that we’ve helped put you in your recent state of mind. A lot of us,” his voice dropped lower, “know we haven’t been the most supportive and helpful to you. That includes myself. I know I’ve pushed you very hard the last couple of years. But now we need to know what we can do to help correct our mistakes and how we can help you.”

He glared at all of us. He was good at glaring, too. Did I teach him that as well?

“I have no problem that I want or need help from any of you with. We work together, that does not mean I owe you anything.”

“Shuichi,” Noriko said sternly, “you have been kind of an ass, lately. What’s going on? It’s not like you to actually be cruel.”

“Cruel?” He barked with laughter, “You think I’ve been cruel? Oh, I think I have a long way to go before I can have that distinguished title. After all, I’m in a room that contains some of the world’s masters of cruelty, wouldn’t you say?”

“Shuichi,” she said quietly, getting his attention, “when was the last time you cried?”

He stared at her, “What?”

“You heard me. When was the last time you cried?” She continued to stare at him, “Was it yesterday? Last week? Last month?”

He shook his head, smiling sadly and trying to indicate he did not know what she was talking about.

She stood and slapped her hands on the table, “WHEN, SHUICHI?”

“I don’t know!!” he shouted back at her, “What difference does it make?”

“The Shuichi I know and love always shows all his emotions, everything. That’s what makes you so wonderful and unique. And not just a little bit irritating.” She sighed, “But you, I never know what you are thinking now. You have put on a mask and buried your feelings behind anger and cynicism. Where is the real Shuichi?”

“She’s right, Shuichi,” I was surprised to hear my brother’s sad agreement with Noriko. “Now all you look for is the biggest thrill, the biggest thorn to put in everyone’s side. That’s not you. You were always so caring, so emotional, so innocent. Now… I don’t even recognize you.”

Shuichi snorted and glared at Tatsuha. Tatsuha looked away, not able to meet Shuichi’s stare. Damn it, I hope that didn’t mean what I suspected it meant. They wouldn’t have… would they?

“All right,” he said coldly, “who’s next to complain about me? Ah, Fujisaki, you always have something negative to say, why not get it off your chest?”

Fujisaki’s eyes narrowed, “You know how I feel Shuichi. You are distracted right now. Not that you aren’t always. But you have become more difficult to work with. And when you get hurt doing crazy stunts, it causes delays and makes it difficult for us to get our work done. You’ve been very inconsiderate of several people’s emotions. And you bring too many fans around, now.”

“Succinct as always. Funny that you would say I’m inconsiderate of other people’s emotions.” He flipped his hair back and scanned the table, “Next? Sakano? No, you’re always unhappy with me. As are you K. I think we all know that. Someone else? Ryu-chan? You always have something to say.”

Ryuichi clutched his bunny, “Kumagorou and I are worried about you, Shu-chan. And… we are really sorry about what we’ve done to you.”

For just an instant, a fraction of a moment, I saw him. The Shuichi I knew. The Shuichi we all knew. His mask fell as he gave his one-time idol a sad look. Then the look hardened and his only comment was “What’s done is done, Ryuichi. Time to move on.”

Ryuichi nodded as he started to cry quietly.

Nakano leaned over and rubbed Ryuichi’s back, soothing the crazy singer, was there something between them, now? He looked over at Shuichi and nodded, “I’m sorry, too. I wish I had done things differently. I miss you.”

Shuichi shook his head trying very valiantly to keep a grip on his anger. Clearly, he was getting there but he still needed practice at being an asshole. He inhaled sharply, and called out, “Next?”

After several moments of uncomfortable silence Tohma finally spoke, “Shuichi, I think Bad Luck needs a vacation. A couple of months might do everyone some good. But we need you to not go crazy and wild. We need you to relax for a while. Maybe go to a spa or something. We need you to rest, not bring the tabloids down on our heads. I’d like some time off, too.”

“Vacation, right. Is that it? Are you all done now? Can I go now?” He scanned the room his eyes coming to rest on me, “No, wait. What about Yuki-san? He always has such words of encouragement for me. Come on, spit it out Yuki. Tell me what you think?”

“I think it is none of my business if you are trying to kill yourself.”

He slapped the table and grinned, “Now that’s what I like to hear!! No groveling or guilty confessions from that one,” he stood and walked to the door waving an arm haphazardly over his head, “later, gang.”

Eight sets of eyes turned and stared at me, “What? It’s the truth. He’s a big boy now. It’s none of our business any longer, even if we’ve helped drive him to this point. He’s the one that has to deal with it internally. I say we need to leave him alone.” I stood up to follow my ex-lovers retreat.

Hiro sat up from hugging Ryuichi, and said accusingly to me, “He’s turned into you, hasn’t he?”

Tatsuha inhaled, “Oh my god! Hiro’s right.”

Tohma and Fujisaki nodded.

I looked at Hiro, “Took you long enough, genius.”

“Damn you!” he hissed at me, his eyes blazing. Ryuichi clung to him, holding him.

“Yes. Damn me.” I left.


I almost always sleep on the couch any more. For nearly a year and a half now I slept alone and on the couch. Beds were somehow too big and lonely.

I woke up on the couch to someone pounding on my door. I rubbed my eyes and looked at my watch, it was 3:23 am. Why was someone always pounding on my door? I hoped it wasn’t that crazy Nakano again. I shuffled to the door and got myself ready to defend myself, just in case. Too many times of late I had been surprised by who stood on the other side of the door. Not this time.

“What?!!” I shouted as I opened it.

It was Shuichi. He was furious. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“What?”

“I said, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I live here, you moron,” I snarled at him. “What do you care?”

“You. Live. Here?” he growled.

“Yes. What’s your problem?” Hmm. I guess he still had to work on his anger in order to rattle me. I turned my back on him leaving the door open, I needed a cigarette.

“Why?! Why here?” he shouted, not stepping in. Was he afraid?

I found my cigarettes and fired up wondering how he found out where I lived, “Mizuki got it for me.”

“Your editor?” He still would not come in.

I sat on the couch and ran a hand through my hair, “Yes.”

He started to laugh, that creepy, fake laugh again. He stepped inside. Well, maybe not so afraid after all. “I’ll bet K’s behind this.”

“What are you talking about?” I yawned.

He laughed harder, “You’ve been had, Yuki.”

I hated it that he called me by that name. That really bugged me for some stupid reason. I looked at him with disinterest, “Why do you say that?”

“Because,” he smiled brighter, still weird but with just a hint of mischief in his eyes, “I live in the penthouse next door.”

“WHAT?!!” The little fucker was right, I’d been had.

“Later, neighbor!” he winked and left.

Mizuki is so fired in the morning.


TBC

Lyrics for Victim of Love by Erasure.