Love is the slowest form of Suicide

Yeah, I know what you're thinking;

HOLY #& SHE UPDATED!!!

I really appologise for taking this long to post the chapter, I honestly lost interest in writing the story. At least I had three chapters written down before I lost interest. The third (and final) chapter will be posted probably sometime next week after exams. I'm not making any promises.

I don't think this chapter is as good as the first, but I tried, I really did. I just hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitaion.


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Chapter 2

K had been acting quite strange lately. He just… didn’t seem like himself; it had been two weeks since K last held a gun to their (or rather, his) heads. And that made him worry. The other two had at first just shrugged it off as an effect the divorce was having on him, but it had happened months ago and he still wasn’t back to normal. At least, not fully back to normal. And he had only been acting like this just recently, as he had pointed out to the others. Shuichi knew something was up, and he had sinking feeling it was something to do with himself.

Shuichi knew he appeared extremely dense, but the truth is, he is completely aware of everything around him. He just chose to ignore most of it. Often, he noticed, or rather felt, K repeatedly stare at him when he thought he wasn’t looking. Sometimes, he would stare for ten minutes straight and not bat an eyelash. He noticed how K would unconsciously shy away from him every time they accidentally touched, and that in itself was enough to know something was definitely wrong. K never shies away from anything; in fact he was anything but shy! But one little excruciating detail nagged at the back of his mind; this only happened whenever he was around. What did K find so interesting about a little pink-haired pop star? The stares were always so hot and heavy with something he couldn’t quite place, and whenever they touched K would get this unidentifiable look in his eyes. It would change so rapidly he barely registered what he did see in those beautiful blue eyes.

Sometimes it would be a flicker of sadness, or something akin to anger and disappointment. Maybe… K hated him?

At this, he felt a sharp pang in his chest. He cared a lot for K, even loved him. Yes, he still lived with Yuki, but he was no longer in love with him. He knew Yuki only wanted him for the sex, but he had nowhere to go and didn’t want to make himself even more of a burden by asking to move in with Hiro. Hiro had a life of his own, and a girlfriend. He would have just felt like even more of a third wheel. There was only one person he wanted to be with, and that person may possibly hate him for one reason or another. But he still loved him.

He wasn’t exactly sure how it started. At first it was just a crush, a simple infatuation which frightened him at the time. Because pretty gun-toting men are kind of scary, really, they are. Back, then he had still been trying to convince himself that he loved Yuki, and that Yuki did in some way love him. But slowly his crush grew into full bloomed love. Eventually, he had stopped trying to convince himself about Yuki. He didn’t love him anymore. He promptly hid it from Yuki, pretending to still be head over heels in love with the writer. As long as he kept pretending, he would have a place to stay and Yuki would have his loyal, live-in sex bunny Shuichi.

He hated doing it, and it pained him, but it kept an almost constant roof over his head. After all, there were still times when Yuki would kick him out so he could get some work done on his novels. It often resulted in staying with Hiro until Yuki wanted him back. Admittedly, Yuki was a complete and utter bastard who didn’t want to completely lose ‘his’ sexy submissive genki singer.

Sure, he knew of Yuki’s past, and had attempted to help him realize the human body was not something to be used as a toy. He tried showing Yuki affection and how to be affectionate. It took time, but he learned. He learned it was the most effective way to get Shuichi to do anything he wanted him to do, and used it to it’s full advantage. Shuichi had been fooled by it, thinking he was finally melting the novelist’s icy heart, and did whatever was asked of him. Only when he realized he was falling hard for K, did he finally see through Yuki’s act. Strange how the things that are real that you want to deny, become glaringly obvious when you fell in love with someone else. He couldn’t really hate Yuki, not even dislike him; it just wasn’t in his nature to hate. All he knew was that he didn’t love and want Yuki, he loved and wanted K.

‘But K probably doesn’t even like me. He’s been avoiding me like the plague!’ he thought, taking a bite out of his sandwich. It was lunch time and K wasn’t there pointing his gun at them urging them to eat faster so they could record another song. It was kind of relaxing not having what .45 caliber (or any other type of gun he had at the moment) pointed at them. But it was just another worrisome thing that K was not alright. He was always there, waving his gun around, making them finish eating in five minutes or less.

Well…actually, this wasn’t so bad; at least they could actually take the time to enjoy their food and actually have the time to digest it. Of course, they would have to savor this once in a lifetime rarity – there might not be a next one.

Still, Shuichi was worried, and by the looks he was getting from his band mates, they were starting to worry a bit too. This just wasn’t like K. He just wish he knew what was going on the blond American’s head that was bothering him so much so that it can be taken care of. So far, the only certain thing he knew was that it had something to do with his-self. K’s actions around him were proof enough of that.

Maybe he should go talk to him. Yes, that would be the thing to do, if K had a problem with him, he should just say it to his face! He just hoped K didn’t have his gun with him, but that was highly unlikely.

Steeling his resolve, he finished his sandwich and drink. He would talk to K, this stupidity had to end. Glancing at his watch he took note of the time; 1:50pm, almost an hour had passed while they ate.

“I’m going to find K-san” he said standing up. They looked him for a second before nodding. They knew why. As he walked away, they got up to return to the recording room; Hiroshi needed to tune his guitar and Fujitaka needed to warm up his synthesizer. After all, you never know when you might need something to drown out shouting if it happened.

Quietly, Shuichi walked down the hallway, hoping to find him. Along the way he bumped – quite literally – into Sakano. Which was quite lucky, who else would know exactly where the somewhat crazy manager was? Sakano told him was in his office resting, and that shouldn’t disturb him, but the last part fell on deaf ears as Shuichi headed towards K’s office, leaving an exasperated producer in his wake.

‘Of course he would be in his office! Where else would he go? Stupid, stupid, stupid!’ mentally berating himself and whacking his forehead with his fist.

This was turning out to be a really long day.

Finally reaching his destination, he halted just outside the door, his will suddenly starting to waver. He rested his hand on the door knob. Maybe he shouldn’t bother him right now; he didn’t want K to be angry with him for disturbing him. His heart would just break.

But he had to talk to him. This couldn’t go on much longer; the avoiding, the stares, everything! He wanted – no – needed to know just what the hell was going on! Unkown to the others, this was killing him inside, he couldn’t stand having the man he loved so much keep his distance from him whenever possible. It had to end now!

Schooling his emotions, he turned the knob not knowing what to expect, or how this will turn out.

End Chap 2.


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