The Price I Pay
folder
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
9
Views:
3,581
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
9
Views:
3,581
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gravitation, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Tatsuha1
Tatsuha/Ryuuichi version: The Price I Pay
Tatsuha gripped the handlebars of his motorcycle nervously, a sickening feeling in his stomach as he looked up at the NG building—Ryuuichi was due back from a out-of-town concert today, the first day he could see his lover since he got that letter. The letter from the hospital lab saying he tested positive for HIV, that hated, detestable letter. He still wished he never received it; the idea of the virus being in him was too surreal, too sickening to accept.
He had even argued with the doctor about it the same day he received the letter—apparently he was used to such displays because all he did was order another test, to make sure the first one wasn’t a false positive. Tatsuha hated it, but he took the second test, praying to the gods that the first test was a false positive—he wouldn’t have to say anything to Ryuuichi then. But, goddamn, it took weeks to get the results back, and the doctor told him he should inform his partner before the second test’s results were ready.
For two days he’d been wrestling with himself, trying to decide whether to tell Ryuu when the singer returned or to wait until he received the second set of results. He already knew he couldn’t give his lover the news over the phone—how can you tell someone something like that over the phone?
Of course the task of telling Ryuu in person wasn’t going to be any better—damn, he wished he could get someone else to tell Ryuu, but they’d kept their relationship so secret—only his brother knew.
God—Tohma was going to kill him when he found out, not just because of the HIV but because of the very idea of Tatsuha being in an intimate relationship with Ryuuichi when the NG Shacho forbade him from even speaking to the singer.
“Damn it, calm down.” Tatsuha squeezed his eyes shut, trying to freeze the shudder that passed through his body—he’d given up trying to get rid of the sickening feeling in his stomach.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at the NG building, knowing the one he loved, the one he’d idolized through his teens, would be there within a few hours—unknowing of Tatsuha’s terrible news. He couldn’t imagine how the singer would take the news—hell, he didn’t know if the singer would even understand how serious it was. There were times when Tatsuha didn’t think Ryuu understood anything, then at other, very rare, times Ryuu surprised Tatsuha by understanding something before the monk could even contemplate it.
He’d gotten used to his idol’s transient states of genius and stupidity over the course of their relationship, but now Tatsuha wished his lover was easier to predict.
“Maybe I should forget about the letter…just act like everything’s the same as before….” Barely had those words escape his lips when he shook his head against the idea—maybe if it was anyone other than Ryuu he would do such a thing, but the singer meant more to him than all of his prior lovers combined.
Hell, he’d even let the singer be seme when the singer wanted—something he never even considered with any of his previous male lovers.
“Damn it, how the fuck can I tell him? Goddamn it!” He clenched his motorcycle’s handlebars ‘til his knuckles turned white, biting his lip unknowingly. He had a passing urge to ride his motorcycle directly into traffic, in front of a passing car, just end it all. Then he wouldn’t have to say anything.
But, he couldn’t do that to Ryuu; he couldn’t kill himself without telling the singer about his being infected with HIV—he couldn’t leave the singer in the dark, knowing that a deadly virus could be lurking secretly in Ryuu’s body, zapping his health.
“But I don’t think I can bring myself to tell him—how do you tell someone you love you have HIV and they might have it too? God….”
Tatsuha bowed his head eyes narrowed in frustration, body shuddering just noticeably, his thoughts so engrossed that he failed to notice someone walk up to him until he heard them speak.
“What did you just say?”
A/N: I barely waited to type this part after posting the first chapter, eventually I’m probably write a version for both couples—hell, I might have both couples go through the same thing in the same story, it could be quite possible to happen too, seeing as Eiri and Tatsuha had at least one lover in common in the manga before Eiri settled for Shuuichi.
Tatsuha gripped the handlebars of his motorcycle nervously, a sickening feeling in his stomach as he looked up at the NG building—Ryuuichi was due back from a out-of-town concert today, the first day he could see his lover since he got that letter. The letter from the hospital lab saying he tested positive for HIV, that hated, detestable letter. He still wished he never received it; the idea of the virus being in him was too surreal, too sickening to accept.
He had even argued with the doctor about it the same day he received the letter—apparently he was used to such displays because all he did was order another test, to make sure the first one wasn’t a false positive. Tatsuha hated it, but he took the second test, praying to the gods that the first test was a false positive—he wouldn’t have to say anything to Ryuuichi then. But, goddamn, it took weeks to get the results back, and the doctor told him he should inform his partner before the second test’s results were ready.
For two days he’d been wrestling with himself, trying to decide whether to tell Ryuu when the singer returned or to wait until he received the second set of results. He already knew he couldn’t give his lover the news over the phone—how can you tell someone something like that over the phone?
Of course the task of telling Ryuu in person wasn’t going to be any better—damn, he wished he could get someone else to tell Ryuu, but they’d kept their relationship so secret—only his brother knew.
God—Tohma was going to kill him when he found out, not just because of the HIV but because of the very idea of Tatsuha being in an intimate relationship with Ryuuichi when the NG Shacho forbade him from even speaking to the singer.
“Damn it, calm down.” Tatsuha squeezed his eyes shut, trying to freeze the shudder that passed through his body—he’d given up trying to get rid of the sickening feeling in his stomach.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at the NG building, knowing the one he loved, the one he’d idolized through his teens, would be there within a few hours—unknowing of Tatsuha’s terrible news. He couldn’t imagine how the singer would take the news—hell, he didn’t know if the singer would even understand how serious it was. There were times when Tatsuha didn’t think Ryuu understood anything, then at other, very rare, times Ryuu surprised Tatsuha by understanding something before the monk could even contemplate it.
He’d gotten used to his idol’s transient states of genius and stupidity over the course of their relationship, but now Tatsuha wished his lover was easier to predict.
“Maybe I should forget about the letter…just act like everything’s the same as before….” Barely had those words escape his lips when he shook his head against the idea—maybe if it was anyone other than Ryuu he would do such a thing, but the singer meant more to him than all of his prior lovers combined.
Hell, he’d even let the singer be seme when the singer wanted—something he never even considered with any of his previous male lovers.
“Damn it, how the fuck can I tell him? Goddamn it!” He clenched his motorcycle’s handlebars ‘til his knuckles turned white, biting his lip unknowingly. He had a passing urge to ride his motorcycle directly into traffic, in front of a passing car, just end it all. Then he wouldn’t have to say anything.
But, he couldn’t do that to Ryuu; he couldn’t kill himself without telling the singer about his being infected with HIV—he couldn’t leave the singer in the dark, knowing that a deadly virus could be lurking secretly in Ryuu’s body, zapping his health.
“But I don’t think I can bring myself to tell him—how do you tell someone you love you have HIV and they might have it too? God….”
Tatsuha bowed his head eyes narrowed in frustration, body shuddering just noticeably, his thoughts so engrossed that he failed to notice someone walk up to him until he heard them speak.
“What did you just say?”
A/N: I barely waited to type this part after posting the first chapter, eventually I’m probably write a version for both couples—hell, I might have both couples go through the same thing in the same story, it could be quite possible to happen too, seeing as Eiri and Tatsuha had at least one lover in common in the manga before Eiri settled for Shuuichi.