After the Candles Go Out

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me... they belong to Yazawa Ai.

Spoilers: Based on Volume 13 of the Nana Manga


Chapter 1: "After the Candles Go Out"


“Is Nana here?” Takumi asked in a very serious tone… no smile, no congeniality.

“What do you want?” the other Nana demanded… she was Hachi’s protector, she didn’t like this man, and she hated the way he always tried to interfere between her and Hachi.

“Nothing to do with you.” Takumi coldly replied. The less he had to deal with Nana O. the better.

His Nana came running to the door and said, “I’m sorry Takumi, for doing things without asking!” She had felt so bad about angering him. She knew she had gone against his wishes and purposely stayed at the joint birthday party for Shin and Reira.

“Why are you apologizing!” Nana O. glared at her.

Hachi knew she had disrupted their world this evening. She had made everyone miserable by coming to the party…. No that’s not true, she had only made Takumi and herself miserable.

“I’m going to stay here with Nana tonight.” Hachi decided. She had disturbed his work life, and to Takumi that was his entire world.

She continued, “If my existence has become such a burden, I’ll leave our house in Shirokane too! You don’t even have to pay child support for the baby! I’ll get by somehow on my own.”

Takumi turned to her, “There’s no need to go that far, I didn’t ask for that. Come with me for a second.”

Hachi ran down the hall following Takumi thinking, “If I can talk to him, I am sure he’ll understand… he is not that cold of a person.”

As soon as Hachi turned the corner Takumi grabbed her by the wrist and quickened his pace with his very long legs, Hachi had nearly run to keep up with him.

“You should have left when you had the chance,” he said in a very low and menacing voice. He had her wrist in an iron clamped hold as he nearly dragged her down the hall. Hachi was frightened, but obediently tried to hurry down the hall in step with him. Was he angry because she was in Nana’s room? No, he must be angry that she came to the party in the first place. Her mind outraced her heartbeat as she tried to think of something to say.

“Takumi,” she started to plead.

“It’s too late now, Nana. You had your chance to leave hours ago… You play, you pay!”

He swung open the hotel room door as the light on the door turned green and threw the card key across the room. In the same instant, he roughly swung his arm that was locked onto her wrist, which made Hachi crash up against the wall behind the door. He raised his arm up above his head, extending her arm with his, nailing her wrist to the wall with his grip. As she gasped with shock he covered her mouth fiercely with his, ravaging her very breath from her.

She breathed heavily as he broke the kiss, but he remained inches away from her face.

“Why don’t you listen to me!” he demanded. “Why can’t you just do what you’re told, and be a good wife?”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized how much the back of her head hurt from being tossed so roughly against the wall. “Takumi! I’m sorry! I …” That was all she had a chance to say before he completely claimed her mouth with his. His tongue plundered her own as his free hand began to rip off her dress.

“Takumi, my dress!” she cried as he yanked her dress up past her thighs.

She wasn’t ready for this barrage of anger, she didn’t know how to make him stop. Her free hand began to push him away, and he grabbed it with his own and added it to her other imprisoned arm up against the wall.

“Not tonight, Nana! You don’t get to tell me no, while you gaze longingly at another!” He wasn’t the same man that spent hours making tender love to her now, he was some crazed maniac who couldn’t see that he was hurting her. His free hand grabbled with his own belt and trousers to free himself. She whimpered as he forced himself into her.

Takumi had always been a passionate lover, and never once held back from her. If there was one thing that Takumi was a master of, besides his music, was making love. Not tonight, tonight he was dark. He was covered in a cloak of uncontrollable anger that possessed him.

His blood raced and he was blinded with emotion. He hated how he was taking her at this moment. He had never laid his hands on any other woman like this, by force. He never thought he would ever hurt her this way. He knew he was raping his own wife. No, not his wife, his soon to be wife… but now she talked about leaving him?

He couldn’t bring himself to stop. He released his grip on her wrists, and pulled back her head by tugging on her hair. As she let out a cry he quickly drowned it with his mouth again, kissing her, as he drove in harder. God, he couldn’t get believe he was doing this, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. She made him this way.

“Did you think I didn’t see you looking at Nobu all night?” He demanded. “Did you think I didn’t notice how your eyes clung to his?” The memory seared him as it flooded in, remembering the love he saw brimming from her eyes. He wanted her to be looking at him that way! He was supposed to be her husband, Dammit! She was carrying his child, not Nobu’s!

“Damn you!” He cursed her, as he lifted her off the ground and walked to the bed while still inside her. He let her fall down onto the bed breaking their connection, and held her hands down again with one of his own. Her eyes were filled with tears, as she had them clasped closed. This wasn’t the kind of love making that Takumi usually gave her. He had been forceful once before, but not like this, not so closed off to reason.

“Look at me, Nana!” He yelled at her. “Open your eyes and see only me!” But she didn’t, she just continued to sob, and his anger was at full boil. He forced her legs apart and drove into her again and again. With each thrust she clamped her eyes more tightly and the tears streamed down into her hair.

“Takumi, please… stop.” She was begging now.

“I won’t be made a fool of Nana!” he lowered his voice as he lowered his mouth next to her left ear. “Do you hear me? I am not an idiot school boy!” He began biting his way down her neck, not in the gently nibbling way he usually did, but strongly sucking on her neck as he laid claim to it.

The shoulder straps of her dress had ripped, and he ran his hand across her bodice, as he exposed her. Then he lowered his mouth onto her left nipple, biting as he suckled it. He squeezed hard with his hand as he brought her mounded breast to his mouth. Once again he released her wrists as his newly freed hand reached down between them to find her tiny pleasure spot.

“I will not let you go, Nana. Not to Nobu, not to Shin, not to your family. You’re mine. I will not let you go.” His fingers found their home, as the pad of his middle finger rubbed her while still mounting her. She was slowly beginning to grow moist. He knew he had hurt her. He knew she had not been ready for him, but now her body was reacting to his touch. He didn’t know why he had this uncontrollable anger when it came to Nana. No other woman drove him to be this way. No other woman had made him care about them the way he cared for Nana. He had never been in love before. They were merely outlets for his pleasure, but not Nana. He couldn’t lose her. She would just have to understand that she was his, and carried his child. Not Nobu’s child, but his!

The sobs stopped and a moan escaped as she felt a rush of heat coming from his persistence. She trembled as she felt him raise her legs higher so he could gain maximum access. Slowly like molten lava easing it’s way up her body she began to feel the heat he was creating within her.

She hated how he was able to make her respond so quickly to him. “He could bring a woman back from the dead” she thought, as the shuddering electric jolts began to slowly rise from below and shoot through her. She tried backing up and away from him, not wanting to feel that rush of love that was spilling over her. Her own body was betraying her. But Takumi always knew when she was close to reaching her climax and he deeply kissed her as he quickened his pace, going deeper, and harder.

A memory of Nana embracing Shin at the party, and whispering something into his ear came crashing down on Takumi, and he groaned as he kissed her deeply. He knew she saw Shin as a surrogate son, but he was still jealous of their relationship. It seemed as if everyone wanted to take her away from him. Would he lose the only woman he has ever loved, along with his child? The only family he has ever known? She told him tonight that she would leave him… just like that.

He raised his head and leaned his forehead on hers, and whispered, “God, I love you Nana. Please…”

He stopped himself. He had never begged for anything. He would not start now. No matter how badly he needed her, how strongly she held him, nails digging into his back now. Hachi opened her eyes. She knew what he was trying to say, but couldn’t.

She saw his eyes dark with desire and longing. She also saw his raw need for her, she knew he truly did love her, even now. Why did he think she was still in love with Nobu? Yes, she would always love Nobu, but not as she loved Takumi. Nobu was a dear, sweet, and kind companion. But she was no longer in love with him. It was Takumi that consumed her. She understood now the pain and hurt that Takumi must have felt with his thoughts of her being with another man.

“This has nothing to do with Nobu, Takumi.” Nana whispered. She wanted so badly to tell him more, she wanted to scream at him for being an idiot and not realizing how much she cared for him! She wanted to tell him, “I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you.” But he hurt her tonight. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.

He burned again with the scorching image of his Nana watching Nobu when she said his name. She had made love to this other man as well. Nobu knew her just as he had. He had seen her naked body, seen how her face glows as she makes love. Takumi leaned down lower, and kissed Nana deeply, as he continued to work his magic with his hands.

“I’ll make you forget Nobu,” Takumi promised. Nobu would never have her again.

And with that he covered her with a wave of passion that she had never felt with any other man. She knew he was a hard man. She knew he would make her suffer in the future, because he was so proud, and unable to express himself. But she didn’t care, she was his, and he wanted her. He loved her.

As soon as she had peaked, he came deeply within her, calling out her name. He dropped himself on top of her and then slowly lifted his weight off of her. His hair fell down onto her face and shoulders enclosing them like a curtain shutting them off from everything around them as his piercing eyes sought forgiveness for his rashness and his savage behavior. “Nana…” he began.

Hachi raised her finger to touch his lips.

“Shhh,” she whispered.

“I… I…” He wanted to let her know he was so sorry for hurting her. He didn’t want her to think of him as an animal. He wanted to tell her so much, but didn’t know how.

“Takumi has to get back to the party. You have work to do.” She answered him as best as she knew how, knowing he would probably end up trying to make up for tonight for several months to come. She closed her eyes as she thought of the many things he would try and do to apologize, the gifts he would buy and the attention he would give her. The man was so inept with words. Still, she wasn’t quite ready to reassure him yet. Why should she assuage him after he just forced himself on her?

He laid down his head on top of her left breast, listening to her heart beat, as he held her closely to him. He remembered what she had told him at Nana’s door, about leaving him.

“No matter where you go, I will find you. If you leave our home in Shirokane, I will find you.” He didn’t say it in a threatening manner, just as a matter of fact. He would not let her out of his life. He caressed her still flat belly, where their child grew. “I want you by my side forever.”

Her hands slowly raked through his long hair, stroking him gently as she felt a calm trickle over her like a spring shower.

“You’re not an Outsider Nana,” he remembered the previous but unintentional offense of his, once calling her this name. He yawned as he squeezed her, “You’re my home.”

Hachi smiled as a tear trickled down her temple, “Welcome Home,” she said groggily before joining him in his slumber.