Golden Silence

Golden Silence

Don’t ask how it happened, but Kami-sama smiled on me. I now have a new, um newer computer. So we can hope that there will be no untoward delays in my updating. Like I said in chapter one I hadn’t planed on updating this story so quickly, but the reviews were just so encouraging. Anyway, Bob (That is the name of my muse, don’t ask) ran away with me again. So without further ado…

Chapter Two

The rain somehow seemed appropriate. As thousands of people rushed into the area around the third stage Shuichi quietly stood towards the back and listened. His heart swelled with joy caused by that one pure, sweet voice.

Shuichi had been known to frequent bars from time to time, but he did not go for the alcohol. He loved to watch the rising stars. Like any musician he would pick apart the bands. He recalled quiet vividly the first time he had stumbled into a Beck concert. He had noted right away that they had quite a bit of talent and worked well together, yet they had a long way to go.

Now watching them they seemed almost a different group. The music meshed together almost flawlessly. That insanely good guitarist and outstanding bass player were no longer carrying the group. That kid though, his guitar still need some work, yet his voice…

For a moment Shuichi closed his eyes and imagined that he was standing on that stage singing. He pictured the crowd screaming out to him like they once had. He could see Hiro and Suguru standing there with him in his mind’s eye.

The image faded as quickly as it had come and the loss was almost painful. The fans were still cheering, yet the song was long over.

Shuichi made his way quietly out of the arena. He doubted that the fans would get their desired encore. The band had given their all, like it was the last time. Shuichi hoped he was wrong. Bands like Beck gave him hope. He would have to keep an eye out for them in the future.

As he made his way back to his car he mused. He doubted that he had ever heard of a better Grateful Sound. He didn’t know how it could have been better, even if Nittle Grasper or Bad Luck had played.

Well there was one way it might have been better, for him at least. If only he could have sung. ‘There’s that fools dream again,’ he berated himself as he drove away. He felt no regret in leaving a day early. He had seen what he had come for and he preferred to avoid the crowds that always gathered on the last day.

XXX

Eiri considered himself lucky. Bad Luck had just finished their fourth album and was due to start the promotional tour that night. The opening concert for the tour was in Tokyo and tickets had sold out months ago. However it just so happened that Eiri had some very good connections and not just his brother in law.

It would surprise him if the man didn’t already know, but he had yet to inform any of his family that he had returned home, that included Tohma. He didn’t much feel like being pressured into going to Kyoto just yet. He wanted to make a start with Shuichi again first.

While it may have been easier to go through Tohma for the tickets, Eiri contacted someone at his publisher first and was able to secure a good seat.

He had fretted for hours over what to wear and what to say. He wasn’t good at this and it pissed him off how insecure he felt. Only Shuichi could do this to him. Only Shuichi could break down his barriers and make him feel so exposed. Sweet, innocent Shuichi, his Shuichi.

The crowd was rambunctious and Eiri had to elbow more than one person out of his way. When at last he made it to his seat he sighed in relief. He hated the madness of the crowds, but this would be worth it. Shuichi was worth it.

The opening band was okay, but nothing to bother remembering. He closed his eyes when they gave a short introduction to Bad Luck. He waited and the buzz of the crowd was overtaken by a guitar riff, then keyboards, and finally…

Eiri’s eyes snapped open. No, he hadn’t been wrong. That was not his Shuichi. What the Hell was going on? Had his slipped into some alternate dimension? Was he having a nightmare?

Bad Luck was Shuichi’s baby; hell he had referred to the band as if it was a person. There is no way that he would let someone else sing for him. Hell, Tohma would have canceled the concert first. It wasn’t Bad Luck without the energetic, pink-headed singer.

He waited through the whole song and then another. He needed to make sure this wasn’t some kind of strange guest singer or duet. His heart grew heaver as the minuets passed and by the fifth song he new without a doubt that Shuichi wasn’t coming.

He glared at the two band members behind the singer as if he could gain some answers if he stared at them long enough. Why had they gone along with something like this? They were supposed to be Shuichi’s friends.

There was an instant when he could have sworn he saw Hiro noticed him. Maybe he was mistaken, but he thought he saw pain in the redhead’s eyes. There was a story in that and Eiri knew just whom he was going to ask.

XXX

“How was the festival?”

Shuichi looked up from his much-despised paper work and smiled at the interruption in the doorway. He dropped his pen so that he could sign, “It was great. There was some of the same old riff raff, but there was this one band… they were just so good.” He let the memory take him for a moment and was sure that he had a dreamy expression on his face. At last he shook his head, “So how was your weekend, Kenji?”

Kenji shook his head at his obsessive little friend. “Good, Saiko and I took the girls down to Yokohama.”

Shuichi had to smile at that. Kenji had two of the sweetest little girls. Identical twins who were both born deaf. It was how he had started working with the Tokyo Handicapped and Disabled Organization (T.H.D.O.). “I’ll bet that was a riot.”

“You’ve got that right. The girls didn’t know what to look at first.”

Shuichi chuckled silently. He could just picture Kenji and Saiko running after the two seven year olds. They were very protective parents, for good reason, and so when they did take the girls out like that it usually turned into a three-ring circus. Shuichi had experienced it first hand on more that one occasion. “Sounds like it was a good time.”

Kenji’s mood fell just a little, but he kept the smile on his face. “Wish you could have been there. They understood though.”

“Maybe some other time.”

Kenji stood up strait and shook his finger at Shuichi. “I’m going to hold you to that. The girls miss their ‘Uncle’ Shuichi. You can’t be antisocial all the time.”

Shuichi’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes this time. “I don’t try to be, I just…” He let his hands fall to his lap.

“We know, but we worry about you.”

Shuichi looked down at his hands and back up again. It had taken him over a year before he was proficient enough in sign language to talk to someone. The experience had been frustrating. Worse was having to write down everything he wanted to say. Now his hands took the place of the voice that people had once fawned over. It could still be a little disturbing.

Kenji and Saiko had been there for him in a way his family couldn’t be when he had first started signing and they had stayed good friends. He owed them so much. “Thank you.”

“Hey, what are friends for? Besides someone has to watch out for the fools in this world.”

Shuichi felt his mood lighten a little and he stuck his tongue out. Kenji laughed as he headed out the door. The older man couldn’t have been more than three steps down the hall when Shuichi heard him call out, “And finish your paper work on time!”

Shuichi rolled his eyes, but got back to work anyway.

XXX

“The condition is entirely psychological. The doctors all assure me that there is nothing physically wrong with him.” Tohma steepled his hands in front of him and leaned forward on the desk. “Sora-kun was supposed to be a temporary replacement, meant only to keep the band’s name in the public eye. It was Shuichi who came to me after six months or so and told me to make it permanent. He was going through a lot at that point and he didn’t want the band to suffer for it.”

Tohma leaned back in his chair and sighed. This was not an easy topic to discuss. They had avoided it with Eiri to keep the author from doing something rash or worse, blame himself. “Nakano-san and Fujisaki-kun still insist that when he is ready Shindou-san will be welcome back. However I don’t know how the public would react to that at this point. Bad Luck has reached Nittle Grasper’s level now.”

Eiri was sitting bent over with his face in his hands. He ached inside. This was his fault. It had to be his fault. The timing was too close for it to be a coincidence. He slowly sat up and looked at his brother in law. He didn’t want to ask, but he had to. “Do you… did he say… what caused it?”

Tohma tilted his head and rubbed his chin with a thoughtful look on his face. “No, however we have more than a few suspicions.”

Eiri felt his gut freeze. This was it. He was about to find out just how badly he had hurt his lover.

“There was an incident after you left for New York. Ryuichi heard Shindou-san singing on a television program and reacted rather… badly. He was of the mind that Shindou-san had lost his ‘sparkle’, as he calls it. We believe that Shindou was traumatized by that.”

Tohma looked back up and met golden eyes with a firm yet sympathetic look. It spoke volumes to Eiri. Tohma didn’t believe that this was Eiri’s fault. “Ryuichi tried to ‘fix’ the problem in his own way. However Shindou had already suffered a great deal from loosing you and being rejected by his idol. At least that is what we believe.”

Tohma may not have blamed him, but that last seemed to confirm it for Eiri. Shuichi had come a long way in overcoming his idol worship. He still greatly respected the man, but Ryuichi had no longer been the mark by which he judged himself. That ‘rejection’ alone would not have been enough.

He liked to think that he had known his lover well enough to know that much anyway. As for the ‘sparkle’… Eiri had once had a rather odd conversation with Ryuichi about Shuichi’s special light. If Ryuichi said that Shuichi had lost his ‘sparkle’ than Eiri was the only one to blame.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he jerked up. “Eiri-kun, this is not your fault.” Eiri stood up quickly.

“I’d rather not talk about this right now, I need to think.”

Tohma watched Eiri worriedly, but did not stop him from leaving. He needed to talk to his wife. Mika probably knew her brother better than anyone. Right then Tohma didn’t think he would be anything but a hindrance.

Eiri would blame himself for something that was not his fault. He hadn’t cared so much for someone in so long. Somehow it felt just like that time…

XXX

Some twelve years previous…

XXX

The sixteen-year-old Uesugi Eiri was not so totally different from the man he would later become. Teased throughout his childhood do to his looks the young man was not quick to trust.

However unlike his older self, teenaged Eiri was kind, thoughtful, and loving. He had a close relationship with his family and a few friends. He was bright and energetic.

Unfortunately one summer changed all of that.

Kitazawa Yuki was a man of many faces. To some he was a kind, knowledgeable, and talented young man with bright prospects for the future. This was the face that Seguchi Tohma saw when he decided to trust if fiancée’s little brother in the man’s care.

To Eiri, Yuki quickly became the sun, moon, and stars. He was the perfect big brother. He was a man to be idolized and imitated. Eiri felt he could do no wrong for his ‘big brother’. He felt unconditionally loved and wanted.

It was the other side of Kitazawa that Eiri and Tohma missed. It turned out to be a grave mistake. Yuki had become immersed in a world of indulgence. There were so many ways to ‘buy happiness’ in America and the young Japanese man had fallen into the temptation.

One night the young man made a fatal mistake. He gave into lust and petty greed. Eiri lashed out in self-defense, ever after blaming himself for the elder’s mistake.

Upon his return to Japan, where once had been a bright, loving child with a few trust issues instead was a cold withdrawn boy who shied away from any kind of affection lest he be hurt again.

XXX

It had taken years for Eiri to learn to trust and love again. More than time it had taken the right person. Someone who did not back down from the walls that the author had built up around his heart.

Still not totally recovered and more fragile than he let on, Eiri was once again faced with a life-altering situation. This time he was the culpable party. Because of him Shuichi had lost touch with the magic that made him so special.

However, unlike the man who had shaped him so dramatically, Eiri was alive and well. He had the chance to put right what he had broken.

If only he could find the strength within himself.

Yes, if only…

XXX

So we got a little sip of Beck in the chapter and a short glimpse into Eiri’s pain. All and all I think I am just digging myself deeper and deeper into a plot hole. I wonder if I can get out again? Oh well, we’ll see I suppose.

So what do you think? Too much? Not enough? There is more to come.