Naked Friend Friday

Thursday Afternoon.


“What the DAMN?!”

It took Tatsuha almost an entire minute for his mind to register what it was that he was seeing. He actually went right past the whole thing, so intent he was on finding Shuichi. As it was, it was only chance that when he passed the break room, he had even looked up to see anything at all. He had kept on going and was almost a door away when the scene he’d just witnessed, hit him. Hit him like a brick to the side of the head! Sure that he’d been mistaken, he’d back stepped back to the entrance of the break room and looked again. Even after all that, he had just stood there trying to make his mind comprehend what it was that his eyes were trying to show him.

When all the calculating and analyzing and reviewing was said and done, however, the scene was still the same.

Ryu was sitting at a table. He was talking. He was smiling. He was laughing. He wasn’t alone. Some DUDE was also sitting at the table. And HE was talking. And HE was smiling. And HE was laughing.

And HE had his ARM around Ryu’s shoulders!

Tatsuha cocked his head to the side, squeezed his eyes shut, then blinked and looked again. Nope, DUDE was still there. If anything, in the space it’d taken Tatsuha to blink, he’d moved in even closer to Ryu, bent his head down further and pulled his arm around Ryu’s shoulders tighter. And his smile had gotten a helluva lot wider. DUDE pulled Ryu even closer…AGAIN…and whispered something in his ear that made Ryu flush bright red.

Then and there Tatsuha completely forgot Shuichi and the reason he was at NG in the first place. He stepped inside.

Ryu looked up. “Ta-kun!” He smiled brightly at his man. Tatsuha smiled back…sort of.

The DUDE also looked up and smiled prettily. “Hello,” he said politely. He gave Tatsuha a quick once over with his heavily eyelined eyes and finding no immediate threat to his “current situation,” he flipped his long, bright blue ponytail behind his shoulder and turned back to Ryu.

“Hello?” Tatsuha repeated the word like he’d never heard it before. “Hel-LO?”

The DUDE looked at Tatsuha again and raised a delicate, well-waxed brow. “Is there something the matter, Kid?”

Tatsuha damn near fell over. “Kid?” he repeated the word like he’d never heard it before either. “Kid?” Tatsuha laughed. “Hello. Kid. Hello Kid!!!”

He laughed out loud.

Ryu laughed too. “What’s funny Ta-kun?”

“You know this clown?” DUDE asked Ryu.

“Clown!!!” Tatsuha cracked up all over again. It just kept getting better! He let the large brown envelope he had been carrying drop to the table.

“Look, Kid, we’re trying to have a little conversation here, so if you don’t mind, could you beat it? We’d like a little privacy, if you know what I mean.”

Tatsuha stopped laughing. He wiped tears from his eyes, then closed them and cleared his throat.

“Testing, testing…” he said. “Can y’all hear me in the back?”

Someone in the back of the room nodded slowly, unsure what to make of what was going on. He knew Ryu. He knew Tatsuha. He knew what was about to happen. He took his plate of cheese and moved further away.

Tatsuha then placed both hands on the table and said with extreme cheer—

“Pardon me, Good Sir, might I inquire as to what you’re doing?”

DUDE frowned. “Didn’t you hear what I said, Kid? I’m trying to have a conversation here, so amscray!” He picked up the large brown envelope he had sitting by his arm on the table, opened it and withdrew a black and white 8 x 10 glossy of himself. It was autographed.

“Here, Kid,” he said. “From me to you. I know this is what you want, so take it and on your way out consider yourself blessed. I don’t give these to just anybody--these are the expensive ones! Everyone else usually gets a cheap digital image that’s been blown up with a fake autograph, but this…” He pointed a well-manicured finger to the bottom of the picture where it read: ‘Hey (insert name)! Best of Luck and Good Wishes, Kaz Ichimoto.’ “This has a real ink autograph signed by none other than yours truly,” he beamed proudly. “Lucky for you the other ones are in an envelope in my bag back in the studio, so you get the good stuff! Get a matching pen and insert your own name.” He turned back to Ryu. “Now would be a good time for you to do that.” He flicked his eyes back over Tatsuha and smirked. “Or your homework…”

Tatsuha snatched the photo and threw it over his shoulder without so much as a glance. “Thanks, I’ll cherish it for the rest of my natural life.” He continued to smile, his eyes never leaving DUDE’s. “So you’re trying to have a conversation with this fine gentleman here to your left?”

“Are you hard of hearing?” DUDE’s voice raised a notch. He got ticky when he saw his photo being treated like an expired coupon for diapers.

Tatsuha ignored him and went on. “And what sort of conversation would it be that involves having your arm around him?”

“What’s it to you? It’s a free country!” DUDE flicked his hand away at Tatsuha as if shooing a fly and turned back to Ryu. “Get lost, Kid, I don’t have time for you and I can’t hear you!”

Tatsuha’s smile broadened even wider. He started showing teeth.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Tatsuha waggled a naughty finger at the man and continued to smile a smile that, by this time, had become terribly sinister. Completely violating DUDE’s personal space, Tatsuha dropped down over the table and got in his face.

“See, My Good Man, that’s where you’re wrong. It is NOT a free country where you’re sitting. That man to your left, about whom you have your arm so casually draped, has a ten foot buffer zone around him in all directions. On the OTHER side of that buffer zone—THAT’S where your free country is. But INSIDE that buffer zone, say…about where your PUNK ASS is sitting right now, that’s the UNITED REPUBLIC OF TATSUHA and it is most certainly and absolutely NOT a DEMOCRACY! SO GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY MAN OR I SWEAR TO GODS ON HIGH, I WILL BREAK MY EN-TIRE FOOT OFF IN YOUR NON-PASSPORT HOLDING ASS!!!!”

Tatsuha’s smile, which had left somewhere between Punk Ass and En-tire Foot, came back with a vengeance. “Can ya hear me now?”

Ryu sat wide-eyed. He’d never seen Tatsuha this mad before.

“Umm, Ta-kun?”

“Hang out a second, Honey, Tatsuha’s got some business to attend to!”

DUDE recoiled as if he’d been slapped.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked incredulously.

“I don’t give a DAMN who you ARE, but I know you’ll BE a fucker in serious PAIN if you don’t back the HELL UP off THAT man!”

“You can’t be serious!” the man protested, more upset over the fact that he hadn’t been recognized than over the threat of bodily damage that Tatsuha was itching to give him. “EVERYBODY knows who I am!”

“Good, then someone who knows you can pick you up from the hospital.”

DUDE saw it coming too late. A heavy plate of cheddar cheese hit him right between the eyes and his world went dark. Dark yellow.

*** ***

Thursday Evening.


“Thanks Officer, umm…I’d appreciate it if we could keep this just between us?” K discreetly slipped the policeman a few bills.

The officer looked at the money in his palm. “I’ll try to keep the paperwork to a minimum.”

He kept his hand out.

K slipped him another few bills. “I’d appreciate anything you could about that.”

The officer looked at the money in his palm. “I’ll still have to file an incident report though.”

He kept his hand out.

K smiled through clenched teeth. “But it’ll be a very *small* incident report… RIGHT? One that won’t find its way into the hands of the media?” He handed the officer a few more bills.

“Well,” said the officer, “I’ll try.”

He kept his hand out.

K cursed silently to himself and handed the greedy bastard the rest of the cash.

“Try real hard!”

The officer counted the stack of bills and smiled. “I’ll do my best!” He turned to Tatsuha, who standing next to K and cheerfully talking with Ryu, was completely oblivious to the handcuffs that were binding his wrists behind his back.

“So what do you want for dinner, Babycakes?”

“Umm…how about spaghetti and cookies?”

Tatsuha rolled his eyes. “You’re going to turn into a fucking cookie if that’s all you keep eating, Ryu. You need a well balanced meal and spaghetti and cookies isn’t it.”

Ryu thought about it for a second. “Ok Ta-kun, how about just cookies then?”

Tatsuha smiled down at Ryu.

“I’ve got a better idea of a well balanced meal. How’s about I give you a very large, very long, very hard— ”

The police officer broke up that line of thought as quickly as he possibly could.

“I hate to interrupt this charming conversation, but this gentleman has assured me that you’ll get into no more trouble tonight.” The officer turned Tatsuha around and uncuffed him.

“I’m placing you into his custody. Do us all a favor and leave the cheese alone, huh?” He stowed his cuffs. “Because the next time you attack someone famous, I’m certain you won’t be getting off this light. As it is now, as soon as he’s released from the hospital, he’s probably going to file whatever juvenile restraining order against you that he can.”

The officer looked at Tatsuha who was completely ignoring him, having eyes only for Ryu.

“Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Son? Thanks to the restraining order, if you so much as look in his direction again any time in the near future, you’ll be seeing me and Mr. Handcuffs again and don’t think for a second that being a minor is going to get you off. Being a minor isn’t going to go very far to save you against the charges a deliberate repeat offense will bring.”

“Relax Babycakes, what I’m going to give you is chock full of protein and guaranteed to have a full day’s supply of vitamin C—I drank a whole carton of orange juice this morning!” He winked at Ryu. “What I’m going to give you is so good, it should have its own food group!”

The officer shook his head. “Do you even hear me, Son? I’m TALKING to you!”

Slowly Tatsuha looked at him. He blinked once. He blinked twice. Then he went back to Ryu.

“So anyway, Babycakes, what I *want* to feed you is…”

The officer frowned in disbelief. He had absolutely no doubt he’d be seeing this dumbass again real soon. Oh well, he thought, it’s not like I can’t use the extra money—my kids need braces…

He turned back to K and handed him his contact information.

“I’m Officer Yamaguchi. The next time you need an “incident report” filed call me.” He threw a glance at Tatsuha who was knee deep in a conversation about beef sandwiches.

“Don’t worry, Babycakes, I’ll serve it up hot with a side of gravy…”

Officer Yamaguchi smiled at K as he left. “If I were you, I’d keep your wallet and your checkbook handy.”

K gave him a sour look. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

After the officer was gone, K walked up behind Tatsuha and Ryu and slapped them both upside the back of the head--hard! Their heads knocked together loud and hollow like two coconuts swaying in the wind.

“Conference room. N O W!!!”

*** ***

Thursday Night.


Suguru.

Shuichi.

Tatsuha.

Ryu.

K paced back and forth behind the sorry group of individuals seated at the long conference room table. Huddled all at one end of the table, K eyed each of them individually and knew exactly what was going through each sad sack’s head.

Suguru: Why the hell am I here instead of at home jerking off? At least that’s getting something done and then I could go to sleep afterwards…

Shuichi: I wonder--if I wear lace panties, will Yuki want me more?

Ryu: The Looove Boat… soon will be making another run…

Tatsuha: If I fuck Ryu right here on the table, will anyone notice?

It was all K could do not to shoot every last body sitting before him, but instead he kept it together, cleared his throat and began his “conference” as calmly as he could.

“Ahem. Gentlemen,” K cooed sweetly, “what we’ve had here, is a failure to communicate.” He put his hands behind his back and paced slowly.

“All week long, I’ve been picking up after you, cleaning up after your messes and chauffeuring you from one ridiculous situation to another. Each night this week, my life, my rest, my…well being, ahem, has been interrupted by random acts of stupidity committed by none other than yourselves. If one of you isn’t having a fight with your significant other and I’m using that term oh so lightly Shuichi, then another one of you is trying to hightail it out of the studio and or threatening to quit—I’m looking at you Suguru! Or, and even I couldn’t have seen this coming, one of you is desperately trying to flush a part of his body that he loves almost as much as he loves himself, down the kitchen sink drain!”

No names were mentioned, but instantly everyone looked at Tatsuha.

“What?!” he pouted indignantly. “Like it’s never happened to any of you!”

Shuichi looked confused. Suguru just shook his head. Ryu giggled. K sighed and went on.

“Now, normally this all would be taken in stride with a well placed laugh and or bullet or two, but lately it seems, K-san has had other things to do…things that, with all the commotion you people seem to be committed to making, K-san hasn’t been able to do. Now, while I don’t mind helping out here and there where I can, I would sincerely appreciate it if you could lighten up on your old pal K here, so he can do the things he would really, REALLY like to do…at night…in the privacy of his own home…with candles and hot oil and those little Vienna Sausage weenies. So, in short, I’m asking you as your friend, as your manager and as a man, please, for the love of God, knock off the tom foolery! I’m in charge of NG and you idiots this week because Seguchi-san and Sakano-san are out of town on a business trip designed to make NG even better than it already is, so it would behoove us all to do our parts to help them by helping ourselves be the best we can be. Are we in agreeance…gentlemen?”

K gave the group his best “good cop smile,” then looked around to see if his eloquently delivered speech had sunken in. It hadn’t. Though they all looked at K with blank expressions, K could clearly see what was going on in their measly little heads.

Suguru: When I’m doing the man handle, I wonder…is it best to use baby oil or lotion? See, with baby oil I can moisturize, especially if I use oil that’s been enhanced with aloe and vitamin E, but it’s messy. With lotion, you don’t get the slippery satisfaction you do with baby oil, but you end up smelling nice…particularly if you’re using something citrusy like Cool Citrus Sunset Melons or maybe a nice after dinner scent like Sweet Temptation Sunrise Bouquet. Anything is better than Crisco though. That’s only for desperate times. It’s longer lasting than lotion and gives a layer of protection that’s better than baby oil, but it makes you smell like bacon! And who wants to walk around smelling like they’ve got a BLT stuffed down their pants?! A horny German Shepherd followed me all the way home the last time…

Shuichi: Maybe something from the Victoria’s Secret Fall Catalog…ooohh! Something from their Venetian Lace or After 5 collection…

Ryu: Well we’re moving on up! (Moving on up!) To the east side! To a deeeeluxe apartment in the sky! Well we’re moving oooon up…

Tatsuha: Damn, I can’t shag him here, I don’t have any lube on me! I gotta come up with a way to keep lube on me at all times without looking like a desperate horn dog. *looking over at Suguru* oooo! I’d know that look anywhere—he’s thinking about manhandling! I wonder if he has any lube on him? On second thought, I’d better wait til I get home—there’s no telling what kind of lube that freaky kid uses. I mean, sometimes he smells like bacon! What a weird ass!

K could feel his trigger finger burning like mad. He closed his eyes and began to count to ten—the only thing he could think of to ward off the certain multiple homicide rap he knew he had coming.

One…K’s hand began to twitch.

Suguru: Then again, maybe if I mixed the Crisco with the baby oil and the lotion, I could have the best of all worlds—long lasting, slippery satisfaction that moisturizes and leaves me smelling sweet and not like I just humped a pack of bologna. Man I’m hungry…

Two…K began to sweat.

Shuichi: A nice thong in lace and satin or maybe one of those boy shorts thingies—they’re sexy and they’ll give me more coverage and keep everything together. Nothing worse than losing one of the boys because it doesn’t have a seat and if the boys don’t ride together, the train don’t move…

Three… K clenched his teeth.

Ryu: Fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill, took a whole lotta tryin', just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the big leagues, gettin' our turn at bat! As long as we live, it's you and me, baby, ain't nothin' wrong with that! Well we’re moving onnn up…

Threeeee and a half… K’s hand twitched while he began to sweat and clench his teeth.

Tatsuha: If I fuck Ryu right here on the table will anyone notice?

Oh well, at least K made it all the way to three before he snapped.

K snapped.

“Ok, SCHMUCKLENUTS, listen up and listen up good! The time for jack assery is OVER! For the past three nights, four including tonight, I’ve had no sleep! I’ve had no dinner! And I DAMN SURE haven’t had any dessert! Well, all that’s gonna change, STARTING-RIGHT-NOW! Tomorrow is Friday. The end of the week and the beginning of the weekend. It is also the beginning of K’s getting back to the natural order of things. Starting tomorrow, you ass bandits will be on YOUR OWN! I will NOT be in to work tomorrow. But just because I won’t be in doesn’t mean that YOU won’t be in. Ohhh no, you’ll have ALL your happy asses here on time at the stroke of 9 because if I hear otherwise me…”

K threw down his gun on the table with an ear-slapping bang. “Me and The Skipper will come gunning for you and trust both of us YOU-DON’T-WANT-THAT!”

K grinned evilly at the looks of dismay and sheer fright that The Skipper was beating from his crew. Every last hair on every last head seated at the table was standing up and quivering all the way back down to the roots.

“Oh I’m sorry!” K cooed sweetly. “You haven’t been properly introduced have you?” He picked up the gun. “This, people, is THE SKIPPER. He’s a 3 pound .357 equalizer packing MAGNUM FORCE, all of which will be stuffed up your delicate orifices during a three hour tour of the ass of anyone who calls me without dire circumstance or fucks up at any point during all of tomorrow.”

Silence…

Then…

Ryu: “Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship…”

Tatsuha, already scared to within an inch of his life, grabbed Ryu to shut him up before K put a hole in him somewhere that Tatsuha couldn’t live with.

“Omigawd, not now, Baby!” he hissed at his man. “This is NOT the time for your show tunes!” Damn that satellite cable and its six channels of TV Land! he thought to himself.

It was too late. Shuichi, being the sweet dolt that he was, had yet to pick up on the imminent danger he and everyone else at the table was in. He picked up where Ryu left off.

Shuichi: “The mate was a mighty sailin' man, the Skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour…”

As it turns out, Yuki had satellite cable too.

Suguru sat in his seat and snickered. If you can’t beat ‘em…

Suguru: “A three hour tour…”

K closed his eyes and began to pray for the souls of the *nearly* departed.

There was a pause of a thick silence that lasted all of two and a half seconds before—

Ryu, Shuichi and Suguru: “The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost. The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle…”

K clicked off the safety.

Ryu: “With Gilligan…”

Suguru: “The Skipper too…”

K aimed the gun from where he stood behind them.

Shuichi: “The millionaire and his wife…”

Tatsuha: If I fuck Ryu right here on the table will anyone notice?

Shots rang out. SCHPING! SCHPING! SCHPING! They pierced the table, they pierced the wall, they lined up smoking holes in the floor outlining the four bodies that’d suddenly vacated their seats with astonishing speed and lay prone and prostrate on the floor face down.

Surprisingly, it became extremely quiet after that until--

K slammed the gun back down on the table.

“Here’s how it’s gonna roll tomorrow fellas. Tomorrow, come 9 am, Kaz Ichimoto will be here to work with Bad Luck to do the preliminary choreography for the “So Fine” video. Yes, people, THAT Kaz Ichimoto. He’s worked with ASK, he’s worked with Nittle Grasper, he’s worked with anyone who is anyone in the music video business. In spite of his reputation of being a pretty boy groper and a diva that would make Elton John look like a plaid wearing, stogie smoking lumberjack, there hasn’t been a video he’s worked on that didn’t get bucket full of awards, or all but guaranteed record breaking album sales. The man is a legend in his own time, so because of that, all of you will be here bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready, willing and able to give the man your undivided attention.”

K looked at Tatsuha.

“All of you EXCEPT Tatsuha, who because of tonight’s stealth cheese attack has probably found himself slapped with a restraining order and is no longer welcome in the building as long as Ichimoto-san is here! So do us all a favor, Schmucklenuts and just stay your stupid ass at home! Because you hit the man with a plate of cheddar, he’s at the hospital right now with a slight concussion and a plate shaped dent in the front of his head. Thanks to you, it took the registration nurse 30 minutes to figure out that his name really wasn’t Velveeta! I tell you, Tatsuha, if you’ve ruined this gig because of your idiocy, I will personally guarantee that you don’t live long enough to procreate!”

He looked at Tatsuha shivering next to Ryu. “On the whole, that might not be such a bad idea after all. Hell, I might even win an award for filtering out some of the stupid from Japan’s gene pool!”

Down on the floor, Tatsuha heard K’s threat loud and clear. Before he lost his life involuntarily, he slid Shuichi the large brown envelope he’d brought to NG to deliver to Shu in the first place.

“Shu,” he whispered hoarsely, “This is for Eiri. Tell him—”

“Shut it, Schmucketelli, I’m still talking!!!” K yelled at him.

Tatsuha immediately shut up.

K waited until silence reigned again, then drew himself up straight. “Well, I’ve said about all I came here to say so that brings our little conference just about to an end. In conclusion, I’d like to reiterate:

YOU WILL NOT CALL K IF YOU HAVE A FIGHT!

YOU WILL NOT CALL K IF YOU GET THE URGE TO QUIT!

YOU WILL NOT CALL K IF YOUR DICK IS STUCK IN THE KITCHEN SINK DRAIN AND IS INCHING RAPIDLY TOWARDS THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL!

IN FACT, YOU WILL NOT CALL K AT FUCKING ALL!”

“If you DO need to call K, it had better be a DIRE, I repeat, DIRE circumstance that involves life or death situations and the revelation that the END IS FUCKING NIGH! And even then, you’d better have JESUS make the call, cuz that’s the only BLOODY WAY, I’m answering the phone tomorrow!”

K narrowed his eyes at the group.

“We do ALL know who Jesus is don’t we?”

“Oooo! I do, I do!” Ryu jumped up from the floor with his hand fluttering in the air like the suck ass student that always sits in the front of the classroom.

K sneered at him. He loved Ryu like his own kin, but much like his own kin ten minutes after Thanksgiving dinner, right about when all the beer runs out, he was itching to put a bullet in him. “Yessss, Sakuma-san?”

“I know who Jesus is,” Ryu said excitedly. “He has a late night cooking show on Asahi Tv. It’s called ‘Cooking with Jesus!’” He smiled brightly, extremely pleased with himself.

Down at Ryu’s feet, Tatsuha was ready to shit himself. He could see the end of his Sweetie’s life flashing before his eyes.

“Not NOW Baby,” he hissed at his man from his bank hostage position on the floor. “Come back down here next to Tatsuha and I’ll tell you all about Jesus later, Honey! Now is not the time for your late night cooking shows!”

Ryu looked down at his man who was still face down on the floor with his hands over his head.

“But Ta-kun, it’s true. Jesus DOES have a late night cooking show. He makes stuff like squid ‘chillatas and seaweed ‘ritos or something like that and then he has this thing where he…”

K went for his gun.

Back down on the floor, Tatsuha was ready to shit himself…again. He jumped up and placed his own body between K and Ryu.

“If you have to shoot someone K, shoot me!” He held Ryu in his arms to shield him from the Magnum Force that was gunning for his man. “Just not in the face, ok? I want to leave a good looking corpse!”

K’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“Suguru, I know you have a school exam tomorrow, so be here post haste directly after you’re finished and keep yourself here until the job is done. If I so much as even think you’re trying to schlep out of here before the end of the work day, I’ll hunt you down like a yaoi fangirl out for blood and bootleg Remixes!”

K looked at Shuichi.

“You! Tell Yuki that he has to be here tomorrow for the video wardrobe fitting and preliminary choreography. I don’t know how you got him to do it nor do I care. He agreed to appear in the video and he signed on the dotted line, so if he’s not here, ON TIME, then that thing you call a boyfriend will have my foot on his throat and a shot in his ass!”

K pointed the gun at Tatsuha. “You can’t be trusted,” he said flatly. “I don’t believe even the threat of an up close and personal conversation with THE SKIPPER is enough to keep you away from NG tomorrow should the mood to visit strike that empty, bulbous head of yours. So, I’m going to put measures in place to see that you stay the hell away. Do yourself, Ryuichi and your third leg a favor. Keep it and all other parts of you away from drains, manholes, heavy machinery and the NG building in general tomorrow, or both of you will be put down like a rabid dog! Ever see the movie Cujo?”

“Ryu. You haven’t really done anything other than be screwed by association so I’m giving you a warning. Keep your narrow ass on the straight and narrow and we won’t have a problem, comprende?”

K holstered his gun. “Now, I’m going home. I’m going to shower. I’m going to make dinner. I’m going have a drink. I’m going take some Tylenol and then I’m going to get some sleep.”

He moved toward the door.

“If I hear from any of you before Monday, Jesus had better be using up his Anytime Minutes!”

Then he slammed it shut behind him.

*** ***


End Chapter 2: Thursday

A/N: The plate of cheese Tatsuha hits Kaz Ichimoto with refers to the 35 pounds of cheese K was given as a gift in “Hiro Breaks It Down.” There was so much cheese that K began leaving it in the break rooms at NG, which he was still doing during “The Bet.” As a side note, it was suggested from a reviewer that he give away the cheese to the poor unfortunate orphans of the world. I’m happy to say that he tried that, but afterwards he began receiving threatening letters from nuns at the orphanages saying that since they were already both poor and unfortunate, the orphans of the world had enough to worry about without being cheese stuffed and perpetually constipated too. Not wishing to have an international gaggle of pissed off penguins gunning for him, K stopped.

At the end of “Hiro Breaks It Down,” Yuki appears in the “So Fine,” video as a demon battling an angelic Hiro for the love of mortal Shuichi. The scandalous video was directly responsible for a population boom in the greater Tokyo region some nine months later. To this day, no one knows how Shu got him to appear in the video…

The three tv show theme songs used in this chapter were: “The Love Boat,” “The Jeffersons,” and “Gilligan’s Island.”

I don’t own any of them in any way shape or form.


*** ***

Next time on Naked Friend Friday:

A dire situation…
When text messaging goes terribly wrong…
Tatsuha predicts the future…
What happens when tap water falls into evil hands…
Holy Shit! It’s Hello Kitty…
Going for a little involuntary ride…