Slices of Life

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation nor do I make any money from using the characters. I am a part owner of Kyosuke, though.

Rating: NC-17(that 'M' rating didn't last long, did it?)

If you have time, please review. Thank you!!

Notes: Well. This turned out a little different than I expected it to. I was surprised, too. Sometimes characters just do things when I’m writing, but I think this time I may have broken Kri’s heart. Speaking of which, a big shout out to Kri and AshCat for making this chapter presentable with their awesome beta skillz. And who knew that Ashcat would suddenly be protective of Suguru? Huh…

Angst inside. And some smut. Be warned.

Slices of Life

Chapter 2
I’ll Be You

If it's a temporary lull
Why am I bored right outta my skull?
Man, I'm dressin' sharp and feelin' dull

Lonely, I guess that's where I'm from
If I was from Canada
Then I'd best be called lonesome

And if it's just a game
Then I'll break down just in case
Hurry up, we're runnin' in our last race

Well I could laugh half the way to Tokyo
I dreamt I was Surfer Joe
And what that means, I don't know

A dream too tired to come true
Left a rebel without a clue
And I'm searching for somethin' to do

And if it's just a game
Then we'll hold hands just the same
So what, we're bleeding but we ain't cut

And I could purge my soul perhaps
For the imminent collapse
Oh yeah, I'll tell you what we could do
You be me for a while
I'll be you

********************

Suguru stared at the bedroom clock. It was three o’clock in the morning and his volatile boyfriends weren’t home yet. Did they think he wouldn’t worry? He rolled to his side and curled into himself, burrowing deeper into the blankets and wishing he had Kyosuke’s warm body to nestle against or at least Hiroshi’s arm thrown across him in the usual haphazard fashion.

Selfish bastards.

However, when he thought about it, he was thankful he was not part of the drama that was Hiroshi and Kyosuke. Hiroshi was unpredictable and completely irrational with jealousy when it came to their cocky, self-assured lover. Suguru sighed deeply. He was one to talk; his own actions were uncontrollably erratic when it came to his resentful feelings concerning his lovers and Shuichi.

The two of them could wrap it up in shiny words of denial all they wanted, but Suguru knew the truth of the matter. Right down to their toenails, Kyosuke and Hiroshi still pined for Shuichi. Hiroshi, at least, had experienced some closure with Shuichi back when Bad Luck’s singer had nearly ripped the guitarist’s still beating heart from his chest, and then later, in the form of an actual apology. Even so, that painful episode from Bad Luck’s history was difficult for all of them to remember, including, and rightly so, Shuichi. He’d been beyond cruel at that time.

Suguru fought to tamp down his white-hot anger. In reality, it was Hiroshi, not Shuichi, who should bear his wrath. But of course, emotions didn’t run on logic. When he looked back at the time in question, Shuichi had clearly been out of his mind and Hiroshi had no business trying to ‘comfort’ his friend. Comfort. Even now, the word made Suguru sneer. Patiently, exhaustively, he’d given endless warnings to Hiroshi, trying to talk sense into his love-struck friend about how crazy Shuichi was after Yuki-san left, but to no avail. Shuichi stood alone on sacred ground in Hiroshi’s heart and sometimes that knowledge alone was enough to cause Suguru to experience deep and painful resentment towards the singer.

In Hiroshi’s heart, the most Suguru could ever hope for was to be a replacement for Shuichi. Possibly, he thought miserably, that was all he would ever be to Kyosuke, as well. This time he fought his deep bitterness over the unfairness of life. Suguru had loved Kyosuke and Hiroshi from the minute he’d spoken to them. Sure, he thought they were both good-looking, beautiful even, but the true attraction happened when he connected with them mentally. They were both intelligent and clever, despite their idiotic and hopeless fascination with Shuichi.

Shuichi. The anger blossomed in him again when he thought about his nemesis. He knew the singer was not to blame for Hiroshi and Kyosuke’s weaknesses, and yet, Suguru blamed him all the same.

He sighed again as he shifted his thoughts to Kyosuke, his other troublesome lover. When it came right down to it, Kyosuke was the real concern; both Hiroshi and Suguru could sense it, even if the way they dealt with the knowledge differed. In actuality, Kyosuke had never healed from the loss of Shuichi. The stubborn man remained in complete denial about it, and worse yet, so did Hiroshi. Suguru was positive Hiroshi recognized their lover’s lingering feelings for the singer, but he camouflaged his fears, pretending the explosive, jealous anxiety stemmed from the parade of Kyosuke’s past boyfriends, and not from Shuichi. While Suguru agreed the frequent ‘reminders’ of their lover’s capricious history could be annoying, he was much more worried about the day Kyosuke’s true feelings for Shuichi would resurface. That day would be grim, indeed.

He rolled onto his back again and stared at the ceiling. When Kyosuke finally realized he was still in love with Shuichi, what would happen? Would the three of them be able to weather the storm? How would Hiroshi react when finally faced with reality? Suguru feared all of those questions, but most of all, he feared abandonment from both of his lovers.

There was no one he could turn to, no one he could seek advice from or even to confide in. After all, whom could you ask for advice in a situation like this? His ambitious mother never considered his feelings, Tohma thought of him only as a tool to use, K had his own agenda concerning Hiroshi, and Sakano was completely smitten with the reporter woman who had become NG Studio’s PR representative. Kyosuke didn’t trust him and with good reason thanks to Tohma’s meddling, and Hiroshi refused to take him seriously.

He would have to figure this out on his own, just as he always had. He had spent his life taking care of himself. This would be a learning curve, but nothing truly dire. He could handle this. He could be a better lover than Shuichi and somehow he would demonstrate it, somehow he would become important to the two people who mattered most in his life. He knew he wasn’t much now, but he would get better. His only hope was that he would have enough time to prove his love, before the two of them realized what dead weight he was to their relationship.

Closing his eyes, he performed his nightly ritual, mouthing the words to a well-worn wish, silently pleading with Yuki-san to continue loving Shuichi. Unlikely as it would seem, Yuki-san was the savoir for their relationship, the one person he had pinned all their hopes on. Suguru smiled with the thought, certain that the other four people involved would find his observation of Yuki-san as a hero completely unacceptable.

However, Suguru knew Shuichi would never leave Yuki-san, not if there was even a possibility of the cool blond returning his affection. In spite of the dour author’s cruelty, the resolve to stay with him was the single thing Suguru understood completely about Shuichi. It seemed as if it might be easy to put up with a lot from a callous boyfriend were he to resemble Yuki-san.

Suguru calmed his breathing and forced himself to consider one problem at a time, methodically working out what he needed to accomplish to give him the best chance of retaining his lovers. This was his second nightly ritual; reviewing the list of what he needed to learn. He hung on to the hope that all he needed to do was become the perfect lover and then Kyosuke and Hiroshi would never want to leave him. He would dedicate himself to becoming the best at everything they wanted in a partner. He was certain he could manage it if he really set his mind to it. He could and he would.

He sighed one last time, trying not to think about how pathetically desperate he was. He closed his eyes, breathing deep and willing himself to relax. He needed to sleep now, morning would come soon and he had much to do the next day.

The sun was about an hour away when Kyosuke and Hiroshi got home. They found their lover curled up and asleep in their bed. After peeling off their clothes, they slid in on either side of him. They must have woken him because he mumbled grumpily, "Are you better now?"

"Yes," Hiroshi slid his arm around Suguru’s waist and pulled the slightly smaller man's body close to his as they spooned together. His long, soft hair tickled Suguru’s neck as he nuzzled his lover’s ear and whispered, "Ah, you are so warm."

Suguru sniffed the thick, musky scent that enveloped him, "You had sex.” Without me,, he nearly added. He tried to hold in his resentment, fabricating interest instead, “Was it good?"

"Yes," he whispered. "But I think Kyosuke might want a little more."

“Oh, really?” Why?" Suguru asked in curiosity.

Kyosuke watched the two. He seemed to be waiting for something.

Hiroshi chuckled softly. “I’m trying to teach him patience.”

“Kysouke is patient,” Suguru defended, the impatience in his voice evident. “You shouldn’t torment him, Hiroshi. He puts up with a lot from you.”

In the dim room, Suguru’s could see Kyosuke’s green eyes widen with astonishment. Hiroshi didn’t even attempt to disguise the surprise in his voice when he finally asked, “What?”

“Look how patient he is with you, Hiroshi. Chasing you all over the city and camping out wherever you may be until you’re ready to come home. Cut him some slack.” Suguru didn’t want to fight, in fact, all he really wanted was to fall into both of his lover’s scorching heat and make love for hours. He wanted them to tear him apart with their lust, searing the memory of this time together onto his body and into his mind. Their fragile, complicated relationship couldn’t possibly survive the trials ahead and he wanted to have enough remembrances to last him a lifetime.

The arm around him tightened. “I’m simply trying to teach him some restraint. You know as well as I do Kyosuke needs discipline, and you’re just the man to give it to him.”

Softly Suguru said, “Maybe, but it will have to be some other time. Right now, I’m just not in the mood.”

Kyosuke moved closer and placed his warm right hand on his cheek, green eyes filled with concern. “’Guru-kun? Are you all right?”

“Of course I’m all right,” he responded verbally, but internally he fought back the threat of tears. If only Kyosuke truly loved him, if only the moment could be genuine.

“We left you alone too long, didn’t we?” Kyosuke asked as he slid closer and pressed his forehead to Suguru’s.

Those eyes were frightening; they could pierce to you to your soul and uncover all your weaknesses. Kyosuke already shouldered too many burdens. He kept Hiroshi from fleeing their relationship, he held his dysfunctional band together, and he fought the double heartache of losing two past lovers, one to death and one to Yuki-san. He didn’t need Suguru’s paltry insecurities loaded onto his back as well.

Raising his left hand, he covered Kyosuke’s hand and squeezed. Forcing himself to smile, Suguru said, “Was Hiroshi mean to you?”

“No more than usual,” he answered and gave that bewitching smile, the one Kyosuke wielded like a weapon, captivating men and women alike, the smile that made Suguru’s heart beat faster and caused him to understand Hiroshi’s skepticism. How many people had Kyosuke hypnotized with that smile? He mentally shook his head, in the long run it didn’t matter, Kyosuke was Kyosuke, man-whore or not. Suguru didn’t care, as long as he could have a bit part in this charismatic man’s life, it would be enough. Even if he was only one of a thousand footnotes, he could live with that. Even if Hiroshi and Kyosuke went on without him, he would remember this time forever without regret. That was the idea, at least.

The kiss that followed the smile was nearly as dangerous and expectantly full of desire. Suguru wasn’t surprised; his lovers were very passionate men and Kyosuke was particularly skilled.

“Hey,” Hiroshi complained, his embrace tightened again and he pressed his lean body into Suguru as he nipped at the keyboardist’s neck. “Don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.”

Suguru yelped from the bite and then chuckled as placed his right hand over Hiroshi’s arm and squeezed, wishing this moment would last forever. Hiroshi’s grip loosened and fingers began caressing skin, circling his naval slowly in intricate, free form patterns. Fingertips lightly danced over his skin and dipping ever lower, towards Suguru’s already aching erection; Hiroshi’s touches were magic and pure as music.

Kyosuke shifted again, repositioning himself so he could lick gently at Suguru’s lips. Suguru opened his mouth, but Kyosuke continued to tease him, licking his lips but not kissing. Whining with frustration and need, he grabbed at the long blond hair with his left hand, but Kyosuke easily captured his hand, avoiding the attack. There was that smile again and the green eyes glittered with mirth. “My, my, anxious, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Suguru breathed.

“Kyosuke’s ready if you want him,” Hiroshi whispered as his fingers teased the head of Suguru’s dripping cock. “And I think you want him.”

“No,” Suguru panted and nearly screamed as Kyosuke’s hand moved again, this time to cup his sensitive balls.

“Really?” Hiroshi’s voice registered surprise for the second time that morning. “Then oral sex?”

“Umm…”

“I guess you’ll have to tell us what you want.”

Suguru swallowed. Saying the words was always difficult for him; he was embarrassed and humiliated by talking dirty and what he wanted was extreme, even in their wild world.

Kyosuke smiled knowingly. “Do you want to be our toy, again?”

Closing his eyes and blushing he nodded as he said, “Kyosuke’s first since you’ve made him wait, Hiroshi.”

The arm pulled away and he found himself pushed onto his stomach. “That’s the only request you get, toy. On your knees and spread your legs.”

Suguru obeyed, keeping his head down and his eyes closed. Warm hands spread his ass cheeks wide, far enough that he felt he might tear apart. The lube was cold when the finger touched him, swirling briefly before stabbing into him. There was only a moment to adjust before two more fingers entered him and he groaned at the sudden invasion. Yes, this was exactly what he wanted.

“Should we tie you up?” Hiroshi asked. “Stuff you with a butt plug and have you watch as I fuck Kyosuke? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Another digit entered him, were they both fingering him? A cock ring slipped over his erection and he whimpered. They were serious about fucking him, possibly for a while. Well, he had asked for it.

“I don’t think we need to tie him up, Hiroshi. Although, I must admit, the thought is titillating.” Suguru felt long fingers grip his hair, pulling his head up. “Open your eyes, my sweet.”

Suguru obeyed again and there were those bright green eyes, full of mischief, full of lust, full of… love? No, it could be that.

“Now,” Kyosuke purred as he patted Suguru’s cheek like a pet, “do you want to be tied up?”

He shook his head.

“He doesn’t get to choose anything else, anyway,” Hiroshi said sternly. “Come on, Kyosuke, I want to see you slide into him.”

“I thought I was the one that liked to watch,” Kyosuke smiled again.

Fingers slipped from his ass, but not all of them. Kyosuke moved so he knelt just to Suguru’s left and handed him the lube. “Suguru? You need to get me ready.”

It was difficult, on his knees, with Hiroshi’s fingers deep inside. He had to lean on one elbow as he opened the bottle. He moved too much and Hiroshi slapped his ass. Hard.

“Ahh…” he gasped and his erection twitched. He wiggled his ass, the fingers pulled free, and there was another openhanded slap, this one even harder. He closed his eyes with the pain and pleasure.

“Don’t spill it,” Kyosuke warned. “That might mean the whip.”

“More,” he croaked. “I want more.”

There was a questioning tone to Kyosuke’s voice, “Are you saying you want the whip?”

“Yes.” He wanted to cry out, mark me, burn me, and make me yours. Their time was so short, tomorrow so uncertain; he needed all he could get.

No one moved. After a moment, he heard Kyosuke’s soft voice. “’Guru-kun, open your eyes.”

When had he closed them? He opened them slowly. Hiroshi moved next to Kyosuke and leaned against him as the two of them stared at him, scrutinizing him with open concern.

“What’s going on?” Hiroshi asked. “You don’t like getting the whip, you like giving it.”

Kyosuke nodded in agreement. “You like being in the middle, but what you are asking for now is completely out of character. Maybe its time you told us what’s on your mind.”

“I…” he exhaled looking from lover to lover. NO! Anger inexplicably flared in him. “What’s wrong with just wanting it rough? That’s all I want!”

Green and grey eyes stared.

“So, you are saying you want bruises?” Kyosuke asked.

“Yes.”

“And stripes?” Hiroshi took his turn.

“Yes.”

Kyosuke lay down next to him, wrapping Suguru in his arms. “Okay, now we know something is wrong. No more for tonight, okay? Not while you’re this out of your head.”

“But…” he almost sobbed with frustration, “I want to.”

“Suguru,” Kyosuke sighed, “if you insist, I’ll make love to you, but I won’t do anything else. Not tonight.”

“He’s right,” Hiroshi lay down behind him and gently removed the cock ring. Nuzzling Suguru’s neck, he added, “You’re a mess and, since you’re locking us out, all we can do is love you, ‘Guru.”

“I… want more,” he was actually blinking back tears now. “Please, I want more.”

“Shhh,” Kyosuke murmured as he leaned over and kissed him, soft and gentle.

It wasn’t what he wanted, but he kissed back all the same. He craved searing, burning pain, fingertips digging into his skin, and harsh, merciless pounding. Instead, he received loving touches and tender caresses, feathery lips and silky tongues from both of his lovers. It was beyond frustrating and, by the time Kyosuke was between his open thighs and poised to actually slide inside him, tears rolled silently down his cheeks.

Kyosuke paused, eyes filled with tempered passion, his thumbs gently swiping away Suguru’s tears before he whispered, “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Suguru choked out. His body betrayed his mind as his hips rose to hurry Kyosuke’s agonizingly slow entry. His lover’s wide, large cock stretched Suguru, almost to the point of pain, but it still wasn’t enough to fill him completely. He began writhing in time with the languid strokes, his arms and legs curled tight around Kyosuke, trying to drive him deeper inside, whimpering with the easy thrusts. Out of frustration, his fingernails dug deep into unprotected skin and he begged, “Harder, Kyosuke. Hurt me, please.”

“Not this time, my pet,” he answered soothingly as his hand snaked between them and grasped Suguru’s erection, pumping in time with the thrusts.

Suguru squeezed his thighs, pressing his hips up to meet the careful, sweet, rocking pulses Kyosuke delivered. He felt the familiar toe-curling sensation as it built up inside, stripping his senses away. Groaning he pleaded, “Kyosuke… more.”

“Yes, come, ‘Guru-kun,” Kyosuke breathed. “Come for me.”

He did, vision graying as he reached for blindly for Hiroshi and at the same time he continued to clutch at Kyosuke, insisting all the while that he wanted more.




He wiggled out from underneath Kyosuke’s arm and swung his legs off the edge of the bed, careful not to wake his sleeping lover. It was a tricky maneuver; Kyosuke normally slept very lightly, probably something to do with people occasionally attempting to kill him. This morning, however, he did not wake up. It seemed as if his hectic schedule and keeping up with two lovers was taking a heavy toll on him. Suguru would need to speak to Hiroshi about that. Maybe they needed to go a little easier on Kyosuke.

At the thought of his dark-haired lover, his gaze shifted to the other side of the bed and he smiled at the sight. Uncharacteristically, Hiro lay curled on his side, his longs arms tucked sedately under his pillow. It was very different from his usual bed-hogging sprawl. Hiroshi had definitely done his best to wear all of them out during the night. Then again, it seemed likely they’d all be exhausted since they’d only been asleep for about an hour.

Suguru rose from the bed and stretched, and then moved out into the hallway and to the bathroom. They’d all taken a shower after the night’s activities, but he still needed to wash his hair. He was supposed to meet his instructor in a little over an hour, so he needed to hurry. While he stood under the cool water, he reflected on their early morning excursions. He was still feeling a little unsatisfied with how gentle his lovers had treated him. Why wouldn’t the give him what he wanted, some real sex? They’d asked him what he wanted and when he’d told them, they thought he was acting strange.

His frustration flared to life again. What exactly had the two meant when they said he was being weird? They had questioned him, again and again, about what was bothering him until finally, he’d lost his temper. It was simple, he explained, sometimes he liked it rough! He was certain his answer had not satisfied them, but they held their tongues after that.

He dressed quickly, thankful caffeine was not one of his vices; a required cup of coffee would only slow him down. He quickly grabbed his books and stuffed them into a bag, he was also grateful that Kyosuke and Hiroshi wouldn’t miss him today. Kyosuke had several work meetings and Hiroshi had an interview with some European pop magazine. Suguru told them he would be spending all day at the Royal Art Museum. He’d have to start thinking of other places to visit in London soon before the two got suspicious of his constant daylong museum jaunts.

He looked out the window to check the weather. There was a light drizzling rain. It rained a lot in London, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t think he’d really mind anything again, not as long as Kyosuke and Hiroshi were in his life. Of course, the three of them continuing to stay together was very much an illusion, more like an impossibility, but it was nice to dream about it all the same. While they lasted, he would do anything and everything to hold up his end of the relationship.

Stepping outside with his umbrella, he embraced the cool morning air and began his trek towards his first appointment. He was almost to the end of the driveway when he cried out in alarm as the big Chinese man, Tony, stepped out from behind a row of hedges and startled him.

“Good morning, Fujisaki-san,” Tony smiled at him. “I apologize for surprising you. Would you like a ride?”

“Oh, no, thank you. I’m just walking to the train station,” Suguru scrambled for an explanation as he passed the bodyguard. “I’m going to the Royal Art Museum today.”

“You got a late start this morning, you might be late for your studies if I don’t take you,” the man stated.

Suguru paused and tried to hide his astonishment. He thought he’d been careful with his secrets. How much did Tony know? Chances were great that whatever he knew, Kyosuke knew as well.

“Come on,” he pointed to his black sedan and gave a toothy grin. As if the man knew what Suguru was thinking, he added, “I promise I won’t bite and I don’t snitch.”

Exhaling a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Suguru nodded and moved to the car. “Thanks, Tony-san.”

“I’m not ‘Tony-san’,” was the well-worn reply.

“Then give me a name I can call you,” Suguru gave his usual answer.

“I’m Tony. Just Tony.”

“You know I can’t do that, Tony-san.” The keyboardist smiled as he slid inside the car.

“Sure you can,” Tony said as he started the car.

“Then you’ll have to call me Suguru.”

Shaking his head, the bodyguard said very slowly, “You are special to Kyosuke-san, and therefore, you are special to me.”

Suguru blinked, caught off guard, not by the bodyguard’s words, but the language he spoke in. “What?”

“You heard me,” Tony chuckled. “And I said it slow enough you should have understood. I know you’ve been taking lessons learning Mandarin.”

“Tony-san…”

“I think it’s wonderful,” Tony said, again in Mandarin, as he started the car. Switching back to Japanese, he asked, “Why won’t you tell Kyosuke-san? I know he would be willing to help you.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, he thought about the question. “It’s not that I don’t want him to help, I just want to do it on my own. I guess maybe I want to surprise him. You need to turn here.”

“I know.” Tony pulled out a sucker, unwrapped and stuck it in his mouth as he smoothly drove the sedan down the street. Suguru realized the bodyguard was a much more cautious driver than Kyosuke, even while encumbered with a sucker. Finally, the man nodded, “I think I understand what you are saying, but you also run a risk, Suguru-san.”

Suguru raised his eyebrow at the familiarity. Better. “How so?”

“Kyosuke would be brokenhearted if he found out you didn’t really trust him. He brags about that, you know.”

“He brags about me trusting him?” Suguru looked out the window. “That’s silly. And I do trust him.”

“Maybe about some things. The things Nakano-san doesn’t trust Kyosuke-san about,” he nodded his head. “Understandable, that, with Kyosuke-san’s past. But this… I don’t think he’d understand this. Or the yoga.”

“You know about that, too?”

Tony pulled the sucker out of his mouth and nodded. “Two hours, four times a week with Mr. Edgecomb learning Mandarin. Then you have two to three hours of yoga four times a week. Twice a week you have private cooking lessons at the exclusive restaurant down the street. All that, on top of your studio time and your extracurricular activities with Nakano-san and Kyosuke-san,” he shook his head. “At this rate, you’ll burn yourself out.”

After the initial shock of Tony’s knowledge passed, Suguru sighed, “I’m just trying to be better. I’ve always taken classes.”

“I’ll wager not like this,” he placed the sucker back in his mouth.

“Does… Kyosuke know?”

Tony laughed. “Of course not. Otherwise, you would have heard about it.”

“What if he asks?”

“I’ll tell him,” he said around the sucker. “And I will warn you now; I know him well and he’s getting close to asking me to keep an eye on you. Your recently behavior has him baffled.”

Suguru exhaled as he thought about what he needed to do. He would have to cut down on something and stick close to home for a while.

The car slowed. “Here you are, Suguru-san.”

“Thanks, Tony-san,” Suguru answered absently as he opened the door.

“Do you want me to go shopping for you?”

“What?” Suguru blinked.

Tony held up a slip of paper, it was a grocery list. Suguru was planning an elaborate dinner tonight. “I can get all this for you. It would give me something to do.”

Suguru felt his chest tighten. A man who barely knew him was helping him. His first instinct was to say no, but Tony’s kind expression changed his mind. He swallowed. “That would be very nice, Tony. Thank you.”

“See?” Tony gave him a toothy grin.

“What?”

“You are capable of calling me Tony. Come by the house when you get home,” he said in Mandarin.

“Thanks,” Suguru shut the door and watched the car disappear. Well, it seemed as if the day had begun very strangely.

He was tired and his body ached by the time he got home. The yoga, for some reason, was difficult today. He couldn’t seem to calm his thoughts and the forms seemed to fight him, as if they understood his inner turmoil. His instructor, a tiny slip of a middle-aged woman whose size belied her strength, was stern with him, forcing his feet and arms into bizarre angles that normally he could manage, but not today.

“You are not centered,” the diminutive, white-haired teacher, Jo Ann, declared as Suguru rolled onto his back breathing hard. “You have too much on your mind.”

“I know,” he panted as he sat up.

“It’s unlike you.” She folded herself onto the ground next to him, like a snake coiling in on itself. As always, he found himself fascinated by her grace and control. She gazed at him, her powder blue eyes sharp like a hawk’s. “Why do you take yoga?”

“What?” He rolled up and folded his legs across his lap. He was much more graceful and far stronger than he’d ever been in his life.

“Why do you take yoga?”

It was a simple question but one filled with landmines. “To be stronger, both in mind and body.”

She smiled a serene, knowing smile. “I see.”

There was something about her that made him feel strange about giving a half-truth. As far as he could figure out, she knew nothing about his life. Tabloids did not appear to be of interest to yoga instructors. Not that the English tabloids held much about Bad Luck anyway, they were, after all, a Japanese band and not headline material in Europe.

He sighed as he met her ice blue eyes. “I want to be more flexible. My lover’s... last, er, lover was very flexible. I don’t want to leave th… my lover wanting.”

Satisfied with his answer, she nodded and then stood with one fluid, elegant movement. “Then, we’ll try again. Breathe deeply, and assume the plank position.”

She had given him a long, difficult workout after that exchange and now, all he wanted was a hot shower and one of his lover’s magic fingers to sooth his tired muscles. The house, however, was disappointingly empty. He took a long hot bath, loosening his aches and relaxing as he repeated his lessons in Mandarin. He needed to do a little studying before he started dinner, but he probably had enough time to get everything ready. He was drying off when his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Suguru,” Hiroshi shouted on the phone.

“Where are you?”

“What?”

“Where are you?!” Suguru shouted so Hiro could hear him over the music in the background.

“Wait…” There was a long pause as the noise in the background diminished. “Hey, babe, I should be able to hear you now.”

“Where are you?” Suguru asked again.

“We’re at the studio. It turned out that my interview was almost around the corner from here. Once I finished and realized where I was, I walked to the studio.”

“Oh. How’d the interview go?”

“Good. The usual.”

Suguru asked slowly, fearing he already knew the answer. “When are you coming home?”

“That’s why I’m calling. Kyosuke and Ito are on to something hot, so I don’t think we’ll be home anytime soon.”

“Oh.”

There was another pause. “Do you want Kyosuke to come get you?”

“No. If he’s feeling it, I’d hate to disrupt him,” Suguru tried to sound positive. As a musician, he could understand about the moment coming to you. Sometimes the muse was unpredictable and you couldn’t deny her when she was at your fingertips.

“Do you want me to come home?”

The excitement in Hiroshi’s voice already told him everything; Hiroshi was feeling the muse as well. Suguru forced himself to chuckle, “No. Go on and play, but be sure to come home with something good for Bad Luck.”

Hiroshi paused yet again. “’Guru? Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve really not been yourself lately. Kyosuke and I are beginning to worry about you.”

Are you, really? Suguru fought the sneering, sarcastic comment that came to his lips and switched his emotions to ‘off,’ he would not trouble his lovers when they needed to be working. “I’m fine, Hiroshi. Now go. I’ll see you when you get home, okay?”

“Promise me you’ll call me if you change your mind, okay?”

“Yes, mother,” he snapped.

“I love you, too.”

“’Bye.” He hung up as disappointment stabbed him like a knife. He would not be cooking this night. Well, the bright side was he could get some serious studying accomplished. He dressed, visited Tony to explain the situation, made himself some tea and settled down with his books.

Studying was an old friend for Suguru. For a large part of his life, it’d been his only friend, that and his piano. It was odd that until Tohma had wooed him into the studio, he’d never seriously considered pop music as a career. His mother had wanted him to become a concert pianist, but he’d decided long before that he’d never give her what she wanted. Until that historical first visit to the studio, Suguru had set his sites on becoming, of all things, a pilot. No one knew that, not even Hiroshi. No one had ever asked.

He’d been at it for about quite some time when the doorbell rang. He glanced at the clock, eight-thirty. Maybe it was Tony. He ran down the stairs and opened the door, forgetting, in his desperation for human companionship, the endless cautions Kyosuke had drilled into him.

A tall, slight man with black hair in long, thin dreadlocks, and skin the color of coffee mixed with a touch of cream faced him. The black eyes filled with surprise and he asked, “Uh, is Kyo here?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Oh,” the man paused. “Um, you aren’t the jealous boyfriend I’ve heard about are you?”

Jealous boyfriend? Hiroshi seemed to have gained a reputation and Suguru smiled with the thought. “No, I’m the other… I’m Kyo’s cousin.”

“Cousin? Really?” He smiled at Suguru. “It seems that your family has been blessed with exceedingly good genes. I’m Hunter, by the way,” he stuck out his hand in greeting.

“I’m… Suguru,” it still felt strange to introduce himself with his first name, but he clasped the hand all the same. “I’m sorry Kyo’s not here to see you.”

“Well, we haven’t seen much of him lately, so I thought I’d check in on him,” he smiled again. “And, I admit, I was hoping to catch a glimpse of the boy who finally managed to snag him. I was also hoping I could talk them both into going out for a while, Kyo’s been missed.”

Suguru leaned against the door. So. There was no mention of a second lover in Kyosuke’s life, even though they’d been in the tabloids? Of course, he remembered again, Bad Luck was a Japanese pop band, not really of much interest in Europe. All the same, he felt sad about his exclusion.

“Hey,” those black eyes studied him. “You wouldn’t be interested in going, would you? That is, if you’re not doing anything.”

He thought about it. If Suguru went, he would see a part of Kyosuke’s life, a part of his past he might not normally see. It might be upsetting, but still, he wanted to see, wanted to understand as much as he could about his capricious lover.

His delay in answering must have been too long because Hunter finally said, “Ah, I’m sorry if that was a little too forward. After all, you don’t even know me.” He turned to leave, “Could you tell Kyo that I came by?”

“I would like to go. Do you mind waiting for me while I change?”

Turning back with his eyes wide, Hunter said, “Really? I don’t mind waiting, not at all. But, I guess I should warn you first, it’s a gay club.”

Suguru shrugged. “Okay.”

Squinting at him, the other man asked, “Are you old enough?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Really? You look younger.”

Suguru nodded, “So I’ve been told. Come on in, Hunter. Do you want some tea or a beer while I change?”

Hunter followed him up the stairs. “Nah. I’ll wait to have a beer when we get to the club.”

“I’ll just be a minute,” Suguru dashed to the bedroom and changed into a deep green micro fiber shirt that felt and looked like silk and some black jeans. He dabbed some product in his hair, threw on a necklace and grabbed his black low-heeled shoes he would slip on before they stepped outside. Snagging a jacket, he stepped out into the living room to find Hunter staring out the window. His back was to Suguru and the keyboardist had to admit, Kyosuke’s ‘friend’ had a very nice physique.

Hunter turned and smiled once again. “This is a very nice view. Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

“That was fast and you look great.”

Suguru felt himself blush at the compliment. He was unused to so much attention. True, he was in a pop band, but when he received acknowledgement for that, he was Fujisaki Suguru, keyboardist and ‘quiet’ member of Bad Luck, not Suguru, the individual. Hunter knew nothing about him, yet the way he looked at Suguru made the younger man feel… noticed.

Hunter smiled and it was a sight almost as breathtaking as when Kyosuke smiled. “Come on, my car’s outside.”

“You have a car?” Suguru asked as he followed Hunter down the stairs, pausing to put on his shoes. “I thought that was kind of unusual here.”

The other man laughed, the musical sound was infectious. “Yes, I suppose to some degree it is, but I use my vehicle for work and, believe me, it’s nothing compared to Kyo’s many different rides.”

The car was small and nondescript, but even so, it was serviceable. As Suguru buckled himself into the passenger seat, he realized he hadn’t left a note for Kyosuke and Hiroshi. He briefly considered what he was doing to be dangerous; going off with a total stranger to a place he’d never been before without anyone’s knowledge. It was a little thrilling, actually. True, Hunter seemed kind, but you couldn’t always judge a book by a cover. He hoped he didn’t get into any actual situation in which he might need assistance.

When he thought about it, he supposed leaving a note didn’t really matter either; his lovers probably wouldn’t get home before he did anyway. He pushed his disappointment away and turned his attention back to his attractive driver. This was a fact-finding mission, after all. “Hunter, how long have you known Kyosuke?”

“Years,” Hunter tipped his head and glanced at Suguru. “Although probably not the way you are thinking.”

“You weren’t… lovers?” The word almost caught in his throat.

“We were, very briefly, back in our early twenties. But Kyo was… Well, let’s just say we make better friends than lovers. What about you? Do you have a lover?”

Suguru took a moment to think about his answer, but before he could respond, Hunter said, “I’m sorry. That was rude of me; it’s none of my business.”

“No, its okay, I don’t mind. I was just trying to figure out how to answer you.”

“So…” those bright eyes gave him a sly look, “you do have a lover, but you aren’t sure if it’s working?”

“Something like that,” Suguru answered with a nod. Hunter’s hair fascinated him, the long skinny dreads looked meticulously well tended, and he had the overwhelming desire to touch one of them, wanting to experience the feel for himself.

“What do you do for a living, Suguru?”

“I’m a musician.”

“Ah, so music runs in your family as well as good looks. Hey,” Hunter exclaimed as if he remembered something, “you aren’t the cousin Kyo’s always trying to best, are you?”

Suguru chuckled. “No, that’s our other cousin, Seguchi Tohma. The two of them are always trying to outdo one another.”

“Hmm. You have a very nice smile,” Hunter grinned at him. “You are very tempting, Suguru, so you should watch yourself at the club, okay? I’ll try and keep an eye on you, but those boys can be predatory and you seem a little… inexperienced.”

Tempting? Inexperienced? Suguru sniffed disdainfully, he was a pop star, not some naïve child. “I am capable of taking care of myself.”

Hunter laughed again. “Of course you can, but I’m thinking of my own hide, Suguru, not yours. Kyo would kick my ass if I let anything happen to his cousin. You should have seen what he did to the guy who hit on his sister when she was visiting. Normally, he’s very laid back and not much bothers him, but he was brutal that day. He’s not usually like that.”

“No, he’s not,” Suguru agreed, startled to learn of Kyosuke’s protective side. Even so, he didn’t think that protective side would extend to him.

Glancing over at his passenger again, Hunter asked, “Does he know?”

“Know what?”

“That you’re gay.”

Suguru burst into laughter. “Yeah, he knows.”

“Good,” Hunter exhaled. “I could see him accusing me of corrupting you.”

“I don’t foresee that happening.”

“So, Suguru, here we are.” The dreadlocks whipped with a quick turn of Hunter’s head as he steered the vehicle into a car park. “I hope you like to dance.”

“I do.”

“Well then,” Hunter’s grin was suddenly mischievous, “as your driver, I claim your first dance for the evening.”

The club was the usual, loud music with the throbbing backbeat, flashing lights, and dozens of lonely singles on the hunt for a companion. Hunter grabbed Suguru’s hand and led him through the milling, jostling crowd to a table in a separate room. The noise was low enough you could hear each other. There were two people at the table already and they waved Hunter over.

“Hunter!” A stocky blond shouted. “Finally!”

“Who’s your date?” A blue-eyed man with matching blue hair asked.

“He’s Kyo’s cousin,” Hunter answered as he pulled up a chair and motioned to Suguru to sit next to him. “Suguru, the blond is Nick and the fellow with the blue hair is Tom.”

“What is it with you and pretty Asian boys?” Nick asked with a smile.

“I told you, he’s Kyo’s cousin. You two would be well served to remember that.”

“Indeed, but I suppose you are the one who should remember that bit of knowledge, Hunter, since he is your date.” Tom nodded. “Kyosuke has proven himself to be quite protective over family members, if not lovers.”

“When you have as many lovers as he has, it’s hard to keep track of who to be jealous of,” Nick added with a laugh.

“I believe the correct word is ‘had’,” Tom sighed. “Our dear Kyosuke has been torn asunder from our happy way of life. Suguru, my dear, do you know the lucky fellow who has whisked away the studly Kyosuke from our clutches?”

“Your clutches? You wish, Tom,” Hunter laughed. “You know you are not Kyo’s type. He never gave you a second look.”

The back of Tom’s finely manicured hand was placed dramatically against his brow, “Alas, but you are correct, cruel Hunter.”

Hunter stood and placed his hand on Suguru’s shoulder. “Do you want something to drink? Beer? A drink of some sort?”

Suguru didn’t know much about alcohol and he didn’t drink a lot, but he also didn’t want to look silly or inexperienced. “Um, could you pick something for me? Something English.”

Laughing, Hunter answered, “I’ll see what I can do.” He pointed at the other two and made a serious face. “Remember, he’s Kyo’s cousin and I get the first dance.”

“Not fair,” Tom answered petulantly.

The three of them watched Hunter move away. Tom turned to Suguru, “Hunter’s yummy, isn’t he?”

“Uh…”

“So what is Kyosuke’s boyfriend like?” Nick asked before Suguru could answer Tom’s question.

“Um, he’s very…” Suguru’s description of Hiroshi stopped as he watched a figure move through the crowd. There was something about the man that piqued his curiosity and his eyes followed the graceful, sauntering walk.

Tom moved his head to follow Suguru’s eyes and sighed. “Well, that figures.”

“Who is he watching?” Nick asked.

“Rhys, of course.”

Nick sighed. “Now we know Hunter’s boy is related to Kyosuke if he’s attracted to Rhys.”

Ignoring the implications of what Nick said, Suguru asked, “His name is Rhys? For some reason, he seems familiar to me.”

“Yes, Rhys, it is,” Tom nodded conspiratorially. “He and Kyosuke were quite an item for a while, after Kyo returned from Asia last year. We all thought Rhys would be the one who finally bagged Kyo, but then they had some sort of falling out. No one’s been able to get the dirt on what happened.”

Rhys. He was not tall, but his willowy frame moved with confidence and agility. His long, light brown hair, tied back into a ponytail, hung to his waist. The clothes he wore were tight and revealing, yet they looked very good on him. His eyes were big and… suddenly Rhys turned his head and made eye contact with Suguru. Then, just for a moment, before he turned away, flashed a smile at him.

Suguru’s breath caught, that smile, that walk, that confidence – it was all Shuichi. His facial features didn’t necessarily resemble Shuichi; it was something deeper, something below the surface that reminded him of the singer. Add that with the knowledge that Kyosuke and Rhys were a couple at one time, possibly after Kyosuke left Japan the first time. Suguru felt nauseous.

Hunter sat down, placing a glass in front of Suguru and a pint of beer in front of himself. Trying to put Kyosuke’s past lovers out of his mind, Suguru turned to his new friend. “What is it?”

“Pimms and lemonade.”

“What?” Tom made a face.

“He said he wanted something English,” Hunter grinned and shrugged.

“Oh. Well, then, that explains it,” Tom returned the smile.

Suguru took a drink. It was sweet and sour, almost, but not completely horrible. He took another drink. Better.

Tom took a sip of his own drink before adding, “Hunter, your pretty Asian boy has been watching Rhys.”

Hunter’s eyebrow shot up and he focused his eyes on Suguru. “Rhys, huh? Be very careful of that one, Suguru. I think he’s still carrying a torch for Kyo and if he finds out you’re his cousin…” He let the threat hang unfinished in the air.

Suguru drank again.

“Come on,” Hunter said as he stood up and offered Suguru his hand. “Time to dance.”

The night turned out to be very fun. No, it was beyond fun for Suguru. Tom, Nick, and Hunter doted on him as if he were a new prize. They brought him all different types of “English” drinks to try and they introduced him to a number of their friends who in turn vied for his attention. He danced with so many people; he couldn’t possibly remember all of them. Several men had propositioned him and he felt good about it, desirable and wanted. He hadn’t realized how low his self-esteem had dropped in the past week.

After dancing for what seemed like hours, he finally had to insist on taking a brief break and he sat down at the table in a rare moment of solitude. He thirstily gulped down a gin and tonic as Rhys slid into the seat next to him. Suguru wasn’t surprised. In fact, he’d been expecting this moment all night.

“I know who you are,” Rhys sang and there was that Shuichi smile and those big blue eyes.

“Oh, really? Who am I?” Suguru did not slur his words and he did not grit his teeth.

“You are Kyosuke’s lover. These fools,” he nodded randomly at the room, “haven’t put it together yet, but I know, or at least I know what the tabloids and rumors say. It’s a threesome, Kyosuke, you, and the other member of Bad Luck, right? The guitarist?”

“Nakano Hiroshi,” Suguru offered with a nod.

“Nakano Hiroshi, yeah. He must be the jealous one everyone talks about,” the not-Shuichi laughed and took a sip of his drink. “Does he know you’re here? Or; did he throw you out?”

Did he throw you out? The words bounced around in Suguru’s head like a tennis ball confined in a small space. Suguru took another deep drink and tried to concentrate on what Tohma might do in a similar situation. Tohma wouldn’t drink, for one. Suguru set the glass down.

“Kyosuke seems very sweet at first,” the not-Shuichi said. “He makes you feel as if you are the most important thing in the world, doesn’t he?”

Suguru nodded again.

“He really is amazing,” Rhys said with a sigh. “He does that to everyone, I’m afraid. Some can handle his fickle nature and some, like me, find themselves wounded by it. Which type are you?”

Suguru studied his tablemate. Due to the alcohol he’d consumed, he knew his thought processes were a little fuzzy, but the not-Shuichi, no, Rhys was his name, and Rhys didn’t seem mean or angry when he talked about Kyosuke. He was more melancholy. It was very clear that Kyosuke had broken Rhys’ heart.

“What…” Suguru swallowed, “I know this is rude, but may I ask what happened between you two?”

Rhys gave him a wry smile. “It’s the same thing that happens to everyone who is lucky enough to be part of Kyosuke’s life. It will happen to you and Nakano Hiroshi, too. Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes,” he whispered, colors swirled before his eyes. He didn’t really want to know but he had to find out, he had to verify his fears.

He sighed. “It’s not that surprising, really. Kyosuke is in love with someone he can’t have.”

Suguru held his breath and waited for the rest, waited as Rhys’ hand gripped the lynchpin of his three-tiered world and pulled…

“I guess I always knew to a certain degree, but one night we were making love and he called out someone else’s name. Someone called Chichi.”

Shaking his head, Suguru said with a touch of venom in his voice, “Shuichi.”

“Yes! That’s the name,” Rhys’ big eyes grew soft and sad as he studied Suguru. “So, you are not surprised. Did you know already?”

“I knew,” he croaked as he stood up hastily, swaying with the words he tried to absorb. One leg on his chair caught on the floor and tipped over backwards, he didn’t even spare a glance for it. “I’ve always known. I wonder what Hiroshi will do when he can’t hide from it anymore?”

“Hey, are you all right?” Rhys stood up and grabbed for Suguru’s elbow, trying to help steady him.

“I’m fine,” for an empty, soulless man who’s fooled himself into believing he could make someone love him. Suguru gazed into the big blue eyes, so much like Shuichi’s. “I’m fine. I’m just like you, Rhys, I’m fine.”

Rhys blinked and said quietly, “I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Suguru answered.

“Sometimes being in love sucks,” Rhys reached out and squeezed Suguru’s shoulder gently. “No matter how much you want it to turn out differently, sometime is just doesn’t.”

“Rhys!” Hunter shouted as he ran across the room and snatched the hand away from Suguru’s shoulder. “What the fuck do you think you are doing? Didn’t I tell you to stay away from him?”

“It’s all right, Hunter,” Suguru said evenly.

Distantly, he could hear the two of them arguing and the colors in his head swirled again. He had to get home, had to hold on for one more night. Oh yeah, they weren’t home, were they? He focused his eyes on a clock, three-twelve. He blinked. In the morning? Maybe they were home. With a random thought and an internal laugh, he realized he’d left all of his books out in the living room. He grabbed for his jacket and searched, but there was no phone. It was still on the dresser in the bedroom at home.

Home. What a farce.

Suddenly, everything he’d been studying and working for seemed silly and ridiculous. Kyosuke loved Shuichi. Hiroshi loved Shuichi. You couldn’t change the way people felt, no matter how much you tried. There was simply no room in their hearts for him and he’d been foolish and blind not to see the hopelessness of the situation. Truly, when he considered the circumstances of their relationship rationally, the blind devotion he’d displayed for Hiroshi and Kyosuke was beneath him. Perhaps now was the perfect time for him to change things up and move on.

“Hunter?” They were still arguing.

“Suguru, are you all right?” Nick asked from over his shoulder.

“Hunter?” Suguru tried again.

“What is it, Suguru?” Hunter shifted his eyes to gaze at him and his look became one of compassionate concern.

Suguru tried to explain his need to return home, but instead, the colors swirled and the tennis ball with the words Did he throw you out collided in his head. He forced those thoughts away and inexplicably, he reached out and tentatively touched a single dreadlock. “Take me home with you, okay Hunter?”

“Suguru?”

“Do you like me?” Suguru asked as he gathered up a second dreadlock and twirled them through his fingers.

“Yeah, I like you,” Hunter licked his lips, the black eyes registered uncertainty. “Truth is, I like you a lot, but you hardly know me. Are you sure about this?”

Suguru heard Nick mumble something about Kyosuke.

“Don’t worry, I’m not Kyosuke’s cousin by blood, I really don’t think he would care,” the dreads felt a little wiry but still soft and cushiony. He moved closer. “I don’t want to feel alone anymore.”

“Suguru…”

Hunter didn’t lean in to meet Suguru’s kiss, but he also didn’t pull back. After the initial shock passed, Suguru felt Hunter’s tongue dart out to meet his and then the kiss deepened. Arms curled around his back and crushed Suguru tightly against the lean body, he responded by looping his arms around Hunter’s neck and pressing his hips into the taller man.

When they finally broke the kiss, Suguru smiled. “Will you take me home?”

Nodding and swallowing, Hunter answered hoarsely, “Yes. Let’s go.”

As they moved to leave the club, Suguru heard Nick quietly ask Rhys, “What did you say to him?”

“I told him the truth. All love is fleeting.”

TBC

Lyrics for I'll Be You by The Replacements