Love, For Drunken Mass Murderers

Love, For Drunken Mass Murderers
Rating: M

Category: Humor/Romance

Pairing: LxLight

Warning(s): Yaoi (male/male sexual situations), Lime in the second chapter and Lemon in the third.

Yaoi. “You have a ‘thoroughly drunk’ boy chained to you, to whom you are attracted, and a bed that you can easily access?” Light inquired. L nodded. “Then why the hell haven’t you fucked me yet?”

Title based off 'Anything, For Dummies'.


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Step Two; When your person has finally got you cornered, disapprove. This will make them feel in more control. Because you are a mass murderer and possibly have a problem with loosing control, this is where the alcohol comes in handy. You let yourself go, and afterwards, say something that will make with think about what they did…and considering just who your seducing, you know they’ll think about it.
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Light didn’t particularly recall being pushed against the tile wall of a bathroom. All he knew was, quite suddenly, there he was. He heard a door being locked vaguely and then he was looking at Ryuzaki, who was standing very close to him. Really close. Light blinked, trying to understand why he was being shoved against a wall.
“Ryuzaki…?”

“Yagami-kun,” Ryuzaki nodded, directly before bringing his lips to Light’s. He liked the way the boy tasted, although it wasn’t as sweet as he normally liked.

Light’s eyes widened. He really didn’t understand. He couldn’t think –maybe this alcohol thing was messing with his head –just a bit. Why was L kissing him? Did he want Light to buy him a drink? But that didn’t make sense at all. Or did it? Light really couldn’t tell, and he stopped being able to think when Ryuzaki’s tongue slid into his mouth.

After a minute of furious kissing, L pulled away, leaving Light breathless and confused.

“Ryuzaki.”

“Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“You just kissed me.”

“Yes, Yagami-kun.”

“…Why?”

“Because you said I could do whatever I wished with you, in exchange for a drink,” L responded simply, and he mimicked Light’s previously action by grasping Light’s crotch through his pants.

Light gasped, “Ryuzaki!”

L gave him a tiny, barely noticeable smirk before he started moving his fingers against the boy’s clothed manhood. Light sucked in his breath and closed his eyes. Damn it all, it fucking felt good. He put his hands on Ryuzaki’ shoulders –a sorry attempt to push the detective away –but he somehow couldn’t find the strength to do anything but hold him tighter. What the fuck…?

For a second, the detective stopped, and Light thought he was saved from a very embarrassing moment, but it turned out that he wasn’t. L simply had stopped to unzip his pants and slide his hand into Light’s underwear. Light gritted his teeth when cool, long fingers wrapped around his throbbing length and began stroking.

Ryuzaki was enjoying this immensely. Light, despite the obvious pleasure he was receiving, was desperately trying to hide it, to hold in sounds. Interesting. Could he conclude from that, that he was hiding something, and therefore that raised the suspicion of him being Kira? At the moment, though, he was too interested in those faces Light was making to think about that…

Humph. This soundlessness would just not do any longer.

He ran his thumb roughly over the slit, stimulating the tip, and he watched the reaction on Light’s face. Sure enough, Light threw his head back (hitting the wall with a thud), his eyes suddenly very wide and his mouth agape. “Aah!”

After refocusing and realizing the sound that had just emitted from his mouth, he snapped it shut again. Fuck! The effing hand, it just kept moving, and it –Oh God it felt so good and he wanted more. But no! That wasn’t right! He’d only done that to Ryuzaki to get him a drink! This was –this was –excellent –no! Bad! Very, very bad! Why didn’t he try to stop it? Why oh why didn’t stop it?

“Ryu…nng!” Light jerked unwillingly into L’s hand, perspiration beginning to form on his brow, “Ryuzaki…. s-ah!…Stop it…”

“Does Yagami-kun truly wish for me to cease?” L inquired, genuinely curious for the answer. He squeezed hard near the apex and he enjoyed the spasms of ecstasy that ran through Light’s body at he did so.

“Y…oh fuck!” Light bent his neck forward, connecting his nose with L’s shoulder as L pumped him furiously. His fingers dug into the fabric of Ryuzaki’s white cotton shirt.

The speed increased significantly, and he reached his other hand into Light’s underwear to cup his balls, which were already straining tightly. L refused to call the sound that came out of his mouth a ‘whimper’, but it was certainly what L called it in his mind, and the noise went straight to his groin.

“You didn’t answer my question, Yagami-kun,” L said huskily, and L nearly growled in frustration. Damn it!

How the fuck could he form a sentence when the fucking hand was doing that!?

“Do you still wish for me to stop, Yagami-kun?” L asked the trembling, convulsing boy as the grip on his shoulder’s worsened even more. He knew he was torturing Light, he knew that those restrained little sounds that were discharged were nearly uncontrollable, and he was sure, if he were to go all the way with the boy, he’d be a screamer.

And that certainly wasn’t an unpleasant thought.

In his thought’s, L paused –albeit only briefly –but it was long enough. Light bucked forward, searching for that friction again snarled demandingly, “Don’t fucking stop!”

L decided that, for personal reasons, he would continue, if only to be able to see and hear the boy’s climax. He continued massaging the balls, and ran his hand up and down Light’s shaft quicker and harder. This caused a delightful sound to spill from Light’s mouth, even as Light pressed his mouth against Ryuzaki’s shoulder to hide the grunts and sighs.

“Hn…!” Light attempted to suppress yet another yelp of pleasure as L pressed down on a particularly sensitive spot on the underside.

Continuing faster and faster until Light knew he was close, the intense tightening at the bottom of his stomach. A hot ball of burning, searing pleasure gathered there until it was unbearable and threatening to burst. L could also tell by the quivering and tenseness in Light’s sac that he was close to his climax and he had no mercy. He sped up the tempo, waiting to savor the scream that would soon emit through Light’s lips.

He was there –suddenly white light blasted in front of Light’s eyes and his head yanked itself back uncontrollably and the wail that was threatening to push itself out of his mouth made it feel like his brain would explode. But he could no longer hold back his shouts. A loud, strangled cry ripped itself from Light’s throat as he experienced the incredible bliss of his orgasm.

L relished in the sound at the warm liquid covered his hand. Light, who was surprisingly more sober after his completion, recovered from the blinding pleasure and realized the mess that was being made. He grabbed L’s wrists, yanked them from his pants and removed them and underwear quickly. L looked on, his posture hunched and his eyes as wide as ever as Light took toilet paper and wiped himself clean.

Light was too busy wiping himself off to really comprehend that he was naked from the waste down in front of L, and he was to drunk to be embarrassed by it. Light grimaced as he looked at his underwear.

“Disgusting,” He muttered and threw them in the trash. Thankfully, his pants were unsoiled, since the briefs had caught most of the ejaculate and L’s hands had saved the rest. Speaking of L’s hands… “Aren’t you going to wash them?”

“I was rather enjoying the view, Yagami-kun,” L responded, just to see the look on Light’s face when he heard such a comment. As expected, a pink blush fell onto Light’s face and he yanked his pants on. “I believe the term for that, Yagami-kun, is ‘going commando’.”

“Shut up, pervert!” Light snapped, “It’s you fault!”

“The agreement was that I did whatever I liked to you, Yagami-kun,” Ryuzaki said, walking over to the sink and turning on the faucet with his wrist before rinsing of the semen that covered his palms and fingers, “I believe you said ‘like a haircut or something’. I said ‘or something’, did I not?”

“That wasn’t a fucking haircut!” Light sneered angrily. “That was –that was –I don’t even know what that was!”

“Yagami-kun, that was called a ‘hand-job’ and it usually consists of –”

“I know what a hand-job is!” Light yelled embarrassedly, his face heating up even more, if possible. “I mean I don’t know why you did that!”

“Because you wanted a drink, Yagami-kun,” L responded flatly, grabbing a paper towel and drying off his hands.

“You’re impossible!” Light declared, unlocking the door, throwing it open and stomping (stumbling) quite angrily out of the bathroom.

Ryuzaki, who was attached to him via handcuff, was pulled along after Light and he staggered just as Light had too, all the way to the bar. Light sat himself down and glared at L until he ordered the drink he’d been molested for. Actually, L bought him three drinks. With every sip Light took, his anger faded away a bit more.

L ran the bathroom scene through his head over and over again, trying to find out if there was anything he could make out from Light’s reactions to point to him being Kira, or him not being Kira. For one, the protesting could really go either way. If he was Kira, would he hate L enough to not take a chance at getting closer to him? And if he wasn’t Kira, then he’d have no reason to protest, unless he was genuinely not interested in L that way.

But that didn’t seem to be the case.

The way he had held painfully tight to his shoulders could indicate a Kira-like need for control, but then again, Light had let the whole incident happen, so he couldn’t be yearning for control too much. The way he’d ordered L around, even in the position he was in, could signify a symptom of the God Complex Kira seemed to have, but then, that pure scream that had forced itself from Light’s gullet was too innocent and untainted to have come from the throat of a Murderer.

Hm. Everything that pointed to Light being Kira was matched with something that pointed to him not being Kira. How infuriating.

“Y’know, Ryuzaki,” Light said, his drawl distorted slightly, thoroughly drunk once more thanks to two more drinks he’d gone through during L’s thought process. The Alcohol was affecting L then, because usually he would have thought the same thing in half the time. “What if I was Kira?”

L looked up at him, sufficiently interested, “Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“Then you would’ve jerked off your enemy,” Light pointed out, thinking about it for a second, “L and Kira –secret lovers! Couldn’t you just see it?”

“I do see you’ve had too much to drink, Yagami-kun,” L replied, still nibbling diligently on the tip of the greatest product of evolution.

“No I haven’t,” Light disagreed, going for the next one but L caught his hand, grasping his wrist tightly.

“That would be your eighth, Yagami-kun,” L pointed out, “This being you first time seriously drinking, I do not think it wise.”

“But I took an hour break,” Light told him, attempting to regain the composure he had lost ever since he began drinking, “It takes an hour for one drink to get out of your system, so really it’s like my seventh.”

“I insist, Yagami-kun,” L retorted, “Would Yagami-san be at all pleased if you died of alcohol poisoning?”

Light frowned, but put the drink down –but only for a second. Once Ryuzaki was about to comment on how he’d probably made the right decision, Raito snatched the drink up and drank it quickly. L frowned at the impudence –apparently alcohol also affected Light’s already surplus stubbornness. Grinning exultantly, happy that he’d gotten one over on Ryuzaki, Light put the glass down. Unfortunately, there was no counter where he’d decided to let go.

The sound of breaking glass made Light flinch as he looked down at the mess he’d made and squished his lips together in thought, trying to figure out what to say.

“Oops,” He settled on.

The bartender sighed, glaring at Ryuzaki as though it was his fault. Ryuzaki thought about it, and decided that it was a normal response. The man had probably saw that he was older and therefore deduced he was responsible for the younger boy. As he gave L the ‘Stare of Shame’, he swept up the glass that Light had ever so elegantly let crash to the floor, while Light simply stared at the mess.

“Sorry,” He admitted to the man reluctantly, to which the bartender simply patted Light on the head as though he were a two-year-old who’d spilt his milk. Light seemed rather annoyed by the action, but L seriously doubted what Light did next –namely, stick out his tongue at the employee –would make the man treat him like an adult.

“Hey, Ryuzaki?” Light frowned.

“Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“Why does Misa call herself ‘Misa Misa’?”

“I would guess, Yagami-kun, that it is for advertising purposes.”

“Oh. But isn’t it a bit…ah…redudint? No, renundant? Rudiment?”

“Redundant, Yagami-kun.”

“Yeah! That’s it, redundant,” Light chuckled in a way that reminded L of a child, which was probably why the man was treating Light that way, “You’re smart.”

“…Yes, Yagami-kun.”

“Hey, Ryuzaki?”

L suppressed a sigh. The cuteness of his mindlessly drunk companion was starting to fade into annoyance, “Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“Why do you use my name so much?”

L thought about it, and then replied, “That is just the way I speak, Yagami-kun.”

“Oh.”

Light nodded then seemed to consider something else. “Hey, Ryuzaki?”

“…Yes, Yagami-kun.”

“Why’d you do that? In the bathroom, I mean?” Light inquired, a flush forming on his cheeks as he asked, “And…don’t give me that ‘Because you wanted a drink’ thingy. I mean why’d you want to do that in exchange for a drink?”

“…Because I wanted to see your reaction, Yagami-kun,” L admitted honestly, knowing Light mind –although slightly simple at the moment –would take that as ‘it was just another test’. Although the way L meant, he’d really just wanted to see that look on Light’s face –hear that cry that had escaped his mouth. And if it helped prove he was Kira –well, that was merely a plus.

“Oh,” Light said, frowning deeply as he actually did think, It was just a test then? To see if I’m Kira? He’ll never leave it alone, will he? I’m not fucking Kira –I mean, wait. I’m not Kira, and I’m not fucking him either, that would be weird. And I couldn't be fucking Kira if I WAS Kira -right? I just meant ‘fucking’ as a cuss word, not the sexual kind and –wait, who am I trying to prove this to?


Suddenly, right in front of Light’s face was a man. A rather handsome one at that, with dyed light blond hair and icy blue eyes and a smile that made Light wonder if he really was drunk, because he thought this guy was way to handsome. He wasn’t attracted to mere skin and body parts.

“Hey there, sexy,” The man purred, putting a hand on the bar behind Light and leaning over him.

“Um…my name is Light, not ‘sexy’,” Light said scooting back a bit, “And do I know you?”

“Do you want to?” The man asked, grinning ferally, “I’m Kyo, Light. How’d you like to dance?”

“With who?”

Kyo laughed, “Me.”

Light blinked and looked at the chain that connected him and Ryuzaki. The detective was watching the exchange blankly. Kyo shrugged.

“We’ll dance close by,” He offered and took Light’s arm pulling him from the chair and as far away from Ryuzaki as the chain would allow.

He was the same height as Light, but not nearly as slender and put his hands on his hips the same way Ryuzaki had. They were dancing much closer them he and L had before, their hips rubbing together almost fulltime instead of just once. Light blinked, his vision slightly blurred thanks to all the movement that this guy Kyo was going through.

He slid his hand up and down Light’s waste, while Light’s hands stayed firmly on the guy’s shoulders. He was fine, for a while, until the man’s hands started onto his ass. He jumped, holding back a help as two hands enclosed over his behind and he attempted to yank himself away, but in his clumsy drunkenness he lost his balance and actually stumbled, and to keep him from falling over, Kyo’s hands tightened on his butt.

Before Light could push himself away, he found himself ripped away from the man via chain, by none other then Ryuzaki, who stared at Kyo evenly and spoke sourly.

“It is rude to ask one’s boyfriend to dance without permission,” Ryuzaki stated, before pulling Light back over to the bar, who’s brain was trying to catch up to what the hell had just happened.

“Hey, Ryuzaki.”

“Yes, Yagami-kun?” His previous irritation was gone for now, replaced with frustration with ‘Kyo’ for…for what he didn’t know. Hm. Could it be he was jealous? It certainly was possible, and perhaps even plausible, considering what had happen in the bathroom. He just had always considered himself immune to the more frivolous human emotions.

“….Are you listening, Ryuzaki?”

“No, Yagami-kun,” L admitted, redirected his focus on Light’s next obvious question. “I apologize.”

“I said ‘You aren’t my boyfriend’,” Light repeated for him.

“I am aware of that, Yagami-kun.”

“…Then why’d you say I was?”

“I have a theory, Yagami-kun.”

“Oh…. um, what is it?”

“I think, Yagami-kun, that I was jealous,” L admitted, his face schooled to show no emotion as he stared at Light, waiting for the comprehension of what he’d said.

“You mean…” Light’s brow furrowed, “You wanted to be with Kyo?”

“No, Yagami-kun,” L wanted desperately to shake the boy into soberness. “I wanted to be with you.”

“Oh.”

“What I did to you in the bathroom, Yagami-kun, was not truly just another test to see if you were Kira,” L confessed, his expression still blank.

“Oh.”

“I am attracted to you, Yagami-kun.”

“Well then, Ryuzaki?”

“Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“Am I drunk?”

L didn’t see how that question was relevant, but answered anyway, “Thoroughly, Yagami-kun.”

“And, do you have one of your hotel rooms reserved around here?”

Once again, L failed to see what this had to do with anything. Maybe the alcohol was blocking his brainpower more then he’d previously thought. Or maybe Light was asking pointless questions to avoid answering Ryuuzaki’s admission. “Yes, Yagami-kun.”

“Let me get this straight. You have a ‘thoroughly drunk’ boy chained to you, to whom you are attracted, and a bed that you can easily access,” Light inquired.

Ryuzaki nodded in affirmation.

“Then why the hell haven’t you fucked me yet?”


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Hullo! Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I know it's over the top, but eh -it's my first attempt at humor or crack or whatever. haha. There's one more chapter, and then a sequel I'm almost done with call Love, for Sugar High Detectives. Please, please review!

AMV