A Matter Of Profit

Chapter 1 - A Great Deal Of Toothpicks, The Principal’s Statue In The School Courtyard, And One Cho Hakkai’s Crotch Guard

Forty-five minutes, two comfort nachos and a quick barf in the restroom later, Sanzo was left standing in the school parking lot, staring at the heap of junk Banri called a car. Stranded, he was understandably in a bit of a snit at the moment, in fact, his current mood was bordering on homicidal. He must have been giving off some serious hate vibes, since other members of the student body were going out of their way to avoid him. Not that that was anything new… but usually he only had a ten foot bubble, not a forty foot one. Whatever. It wasn’t like he was going to complain about it.

Rubbing his temple, Sanzo slowly let out an irritated growl, trying to calm down as he assessed the situation. Okay, Banri was most definitely in prison for the night. Check. Sanzo was going to have to use this month’s rent to bust him out again. Check. He had no way to get more money before the landlord would want to be paid. Check. He had already borrowed all the money he could this month, not to mention the fact that the people he had borrowed from would want to be paid back too. Check. Eviction was almost a sure thing at this point. Check.

…Lost in the throes of financial desperation, Sanzo briefly wondered how much Banri’s “antique” grandfather clock would go for on eBay. The idea was quickly dismissed however, on the grounds that Sanzo didn’t have a computer, let alone a camera to take pictures with. And somehow… he doubted the school would let him use their crap to do the job. Ah well, it was worth a thought. Maybe he’d mention it to Banri and they could figure something out later.

But first thing was first. He had to find a way home tonight, and there was no way in hell he was going to walk 10 miles home, then get up early tomorrow morning to walk 10 miles back to school. 10 miles might have been a bit of an exaggeration on his part, but still. No way, uh-uh, wasn’t going to happen. So that left him two options. Option One: Find a sucker and bum a ride, and if they refused, beat the shit out of them, then bum a ride. Only problem being that the beating up part would require actual physical effort on his part. So, moving on to option two.

He had to find a way to get this pile of shit moving long enough to get him home without any casualties or major property damage.

Eyeing the car warily, as if it would attack at a moment’s notice, Sanzo approached. Well, why not? He reasoned with himself. He had managed to wreck the brakes up enough that they’d give out on Banri every once in a while, why the hell couldn’t he find a way to hotwire the damn thing? He could improvise….

And never mind the fact that he had never figured out how to fix the damn brakes again….

Glancing around to make sure nobody was watching, Sanzo carefully got on his knees, doing a quick check for broken glass or any other undesirably sharp, pointy objects. Looked like it was all clear. Sitting down, he eventually (reluctantly and grumpily) wound up on his back, wiggling until he was under the hood of the car, staring up at a bunch of mechanical crap, none of which he recognized.

Okay… lets just avoid that red wire there, this thing is enough of a ticking time bomb without me tempting fate…. And let’s not touch that sharp thing, who knows what might start to move around when… How about I just….

Sanzo had apparently forgotten the fact that he knew shit about cars, or anything mechanical really, and that learning by screwing around with shit probably wasn’t the safest route in his education on such matters….

About five oil stains, three static shocks, and one near removal of his hand later, Sanzo spared an odd thought as to how that friend of Banri’s was going to get home now. He quickly wrote it off though. Wasn’t his problem anyway. Besides, he was pretty sure something good would happen if he jiggled that thingamabob over there a little….

~*~*~*~*~*~

As he walked towards the parking lot, his shoulders bent over in a dejected slump, Gojyo allowed himself just the smallest margin of hope that Banri had left his keys in the car, like a good, responsible friend about to streak across the football field and get arrested when his buddy seriously needed a ride home would. Then he remembered that it was Banri he was talking… er, thinking about, and he may as well just resign himself to walking. Despite the fact that he was really tired after a long, hard game. Or that it was dark out and the walk would probably take over an hour. Or that he had a test in first period tomorrow, so he really couldn’t afford to sleep in. Or the fact that those looked like some vicious rain clouds on the horizon there….

He had just known that it would rain. Could he call it, or could he call it?

But still, it would be stupid not to at least check and see if the keys were in the car, right? Banri could have been stupid (not hard to imagine really) and left the keys there, assuming nobody would steal the piece of crap. Though… remembering said piece of crap, he could safely say that not even the most desperate street bum would think of gaining anything out of that car.

The parts dealer would probably make them pay for the work of trying to find anything useful in the glorified garbage can.

Stepping up onto the asphalt of the street, he raised his head to begin the search for said hunk of junk. It wasn’t difficult, seeing as how there was only one vehicle left in the whole thing. At least nobody would bear witness to his shame….

Or so he thought.

He had about two seconds of warning as a rather loud screech came from his right. Saved only by what he liked to think of as instinct, though most would refer to it as clumsiness, he fell backward onto his ass, and coincidentally the sidewalk, just in time to avoid being hit. He blinked up in an almost dazed manner at the convertible in front of him, his eyes finally focusing on the driver’s face.

Correction. The driver’s smug, evil, ugly, smiling face.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there. That was close. Just think, if you hadn’t fallen just then, I might have squashed you like a disgusting little cockroach. And we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

Cho Hakkai laughed at his own joke, peering down at him with that smirk on his face. Oh, how Gojyo loathed that smirk. How he loathed that face. How he loathed the person they belonged to.

“Can’t say I’m surprised, four-eyes. Maybe you need to get your prescription checked before you drive, just so your road-safe. Wouldn’t want to make you an even bigger menace to society.”

Gojyo felt a small amount of satisfaction as he watched Cho’s right eye twitch. Looked like he had hit nerve with the four eyes comment.

“Quite right… I would never want to be regarded on the same level as YOU, after all.”

“My goodness, we couldn’t have that. We’d have to find a new idiot for the village, and you know how hard it is to find them on such short notice.”

“You would know all about the process, wouldn’t you? It’s beyond me how the agency ever let you go.”

“All comes down to talent. Turns out I just didn’t measure up to there standards, especially compared to one such as yourself. Ah, well. Competition for the position was rough… but looks like you came out on top man. Congrats.”

Cho’s smile had become strained. Gojyo allowed himself a confident smirk, just to show how much this was not getting to him. He could keep it up all day if that’s what the jerk-off wanted! Though, he was beginning to run out of witty comebacks…. Luckily for him, Cho didn’t seem in the mood to continue their banter at the moment.

“As much as I’d love to continue this little chat, I have better things to do than talk to a cockroach like you.”

Sure he did… Gojyo couldn’t help but think as Cho drove off. Bastard just couldn’t take it when it looked like he wasn’t going to win. Shaking his head, he shoved Cho to the back of his mind. Now, what was he doing again. Oh yeah, Banri’s car….

Quickly strolling over and glancing through the cracked glass, he quickly determined that no, Banri hadn’t left his keys in the car. Damn… now he’d have to- was that a blow up doll?

He wasn’t gonna ask. This was him not asking.

Looking back at the storm clouds, he wondered whether his step-mother would care if he didn‘t come home…. He could sleep in the car, be to school on time, and it wasn’t like it would be the first time he had stayed out all night or gone to school in the same clothes he had been wearing the day before. People would just assume he’d been out getting laid. Hell, his step-mother probably wouldn’t even notice. And his dad was out on a business trip again, so….

It wasn’t until he head a loud bang that he realized he wasn’t alone. Just about jumping ten feet in the air, he finally noticed the pair of worn black combat boots emerging from under the hood of the car. Curses began erupting from beneath the unholy union of tires and scrap-metal, as the owner of the voice obviously wasn’t too pleased about, uh… whatever he was doing under there.

Wait a minute, what was he doing under there?

“Uh… ‘Scuse me?”

Gojyo watched the feet jump, and heard another loud clank from beneath the hood of the car. Oops, looks like he had startled the guy. It took a few moments, but eventually the mysterious stranger beneath the hood deigned to answer.

“What does it look like I’m doing you retard? I’m trying to hotwire this piece of junk so I’m not stuck walking home. What’s it to you?”

Okay… so Mr. Man here had an attitude. Obviously he didn’t know he was speaking to THE Sha Gojyo. Perhaps he should remedy that before they continued the conversation.

“Listen, I’ll let it go this time since you obviously don‘t know who you‘re talking to, but really man, cut it out with the attitude. Don’t you know who I AM?”

It took a couple of seconds, but Gojyo’s antennas finally picked up on the waves of hostility radiating from beneath the vehicle. Taking a step back, he eyed the suddenly still boots warily, regretting his last few sentences already. It took some severe issues or talent to broadcast anger like that, and above all else, Gojyo did in fact value his life. He absentmindedly wondered whether silence was a good thing or a bad thing in this situation, but couldn’t decide.

He really didn’t have much to go on. Him and his step-mom were actually similar when it came to their tempers, at least volume wise. They were both screamers, prone to blow up in a loud, often devastating manner that would leave ears ringing for days, and tended to speak before thinking. Jien and his dad, on the other hand, they were the really scary ones. Everything was cool when they were yelling, being violent in general and moving around… it was when they got really still and quiet that you wanted to head for the hills. Better yet, the border. And hopefully they wouldn’t be angry enough to follow you across into Mexico or Canada, whichever happened to be closer at the time.

So it was with equal amounts of fear and trepidation that he listened when the response finally came. He nearly shivered at the amount of acid the tone contained. Yup, this was one of the quiet ones.

Why did he always have to find the quiet ones?

“No, actually, I don’t know who you are. And here’s a surprise; I don’t give a fuck. So I’d suggest you shove your foot in your big-ass mouth before I come up there and do it for you. And believe me, I won’t be near as gentle.”

Um… yeah. That might be pretty good advice, if Gojyo was any judge of character and/or life threatening situations…. After a few minutes of awkward silence later, interspersed with the occasional clank from down below (what the hell was the guy doing down there anyway?), Gojyo gathered his courage and bravado once more.

“Hey, uh… mind if I ask you a question real quick?”

“Me first. Why the hell are you still here?”

Man, this guy’s mouth… it just got him boiling in all the wrong places, Gojyo thought with a dark frown. Nice to know he wasn’t even worthy of this prick noticing whether or not he was even here…. “I’m still here cause I need a ride, and the owner of this pile of crap said he’d give me one. Of course, since he was arrested, that plan has pretty much gone to hell in a hand-basket. I came to check and see whether or not I’d gotten lucky and he had left the keys or something.”

The voice was silent for a few seconds, seemingly contemplative as far as Gojyo could tell. He was surprised when it piped up again after a minute or two. “…You’re the friend Banri was gonna give a ride home, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am- hey, hold on a sec, you know Banri?”

“No shit, Sherlock. What tipped you off? Why else would I be trying to fix this thing?”

“Uh… I just kinda assumed that you were trying to jack the thing, really.”

“Then it was pretty stupid of you to talk to me in the first place, since for all you knew, I could have had a gun. Hell, I still might. But who would waste the time and effort it would take to steal this deathtrap anyway….” The voice faded as a few more rattles and bangs could be heard, and Gojyo couldn’t help but wonder whether this guy really knew what he was doing. Surely hotwiring cars wasn’t common knowledge… though you never knew. He was pretty sure Banri lived on the wrong side of town, so he felt it was safe to assume that this punk did too, if he knew Banri well enough to fuck with his car. Maybe down there they had classes on this shit… he wouldn’t put it past this mouth in combat boots to learn shady shit, despite the fact that he’d only known him a few minutes. Though, at the same time, he was pretty sure cars were hotwired by opening the hood, not going underneath. Something to do with the transmission wires or something… at least, that’s what it looked like in the movies.

But he had a more pressing issue. Why would someone from the slums, other than Banri that is, bother coming to a high school football game….

It suddenly hit Gojyo who he was idly chatting with. So… this guy was ‘princess’ huh? Well, fuck him sideways and leave him there to rot, what they said in the locker-room was right….

He did have a telephone pole shoved up his ass. One of the big, wide, wooden one’s at that. And it had probably given him a number of splinters as well, if he was any judge. Gojyo, a bit more comfortable now that he knew who he was talking to, allowed himself to relax a bit, leaning against the side of the car. He figured he could take a guy nicknamed ‘princess’ in a fight easily enough, so he didn’t have too much to worry about. Unless the fucker really did have a gun, but he decided that if he did, he probably would have used it already. Looking back on his conversation with Banri, he tried to remember what the dipshit had said this guy’s name was….

“You’re that guy Banri hangs out with all the time, aren’t you prin- uh, man? What was your name again? Sanji or somethin’?”

“It’s Sanzo, dipshit. Say it right or shut the fuck up.”

“My most sincere apologies princess, I didn’t realize you were that well known. God, what the hell is your problem anyway? I haven’t done jack to you, and still you keep laying on the names and shit!”

Gojyo wasn’t the type to judge a book by its cover- actually, okay, he was. But even if it didn’t look that appealing, he was willing to open it and flip through a few pages. Maybe even read a bit as long as it didn’t have that gross, old, never-been-read book smell. But he had his limits. And as far as was concerned, this was a bad book. He hadn’t even gotten a look at the cover, going straight to the inside, and he could still tell that.

His temper had its limits too. So, despite the fact that this guy was from the wrong side of town, probably knew several people that could off him (or at least beat the shit out of him), and it hadn’t quite been confirmed whether or not he actually had a gun… if he was going to dish it out, he had better be able to take it too. Because Gojyo had less control over his mouth than he had over the weather, at the moment.

Which, by the way, was none, since those rain clouds just kept getting closer and closer.

“I’m sorry, I seem to have given you the mistaken impression that I care what you think or feel. Let me assure you that is not in fact the case. And don’t call me that.”

“Oh, what’s this? You can call me whatever the hell you feel like, but can’t take me calling you PRINCESS?” Cue a wicked grin, as a thought suddenly occurred to Gojyo’s perverse little mind. “Or could it be that the name hits a bit too close to home, your majesty? Or would the term ‘Queen’ be a bit more accurate in your case?”

“I dare you to say that to my face, you cock-sucking little ass-wipe! Just because you’re a bottom boy doesn’t mean you should accuse other people of your little fetishes!” The snarled words were followed by a series of bangs and sizzles, with a constant hum of angry muttering barely audible beneath the racket. “Princess… gonna kill the son of a… what the hell was that… I’ll show him… queen… like HELL….”

Wow, talk about a grump, seriously. But for some reason… Gojyo was getting a real kick out of pushing this guy’s buttons, and it wasn’t because he had a death wish either. Quite the opposite really. But there was just something about this guys reactions….

Maybe it was like how cats were so fascinated by strings. They were just dangling there, so why not bat it with a paw? Again… and again… and again… and maybe once more for the road….

It was amusing as hell, in any case. And Gojyo figured, why spoil a good thing?

“Me think the lady doth protest too much.”

“STOP calling me a chick! And you’d better start running now, because the second I’m done under here, you are DEAD.”

Gojyo thought that perhaps he should heed the warning, but at the same time he was a damn fast runner. Besides, the kid was wearing combat boots and probably hadn’t played a sport a day in his life. How fast could a kid from the slums be anyway?

In any case, his “hotwiring” job was taking just short of forever, and Gojyo thought that maybe, if he played his cards right from here on out, he might be able to mooch a ride home. Or at least use of the car as shelter overnight, if necessary.

“Um… not meaning to raid on your parade or anything, but aren’t cars usually hotwired from beneath the hood? Something to do with the transmission wires or whatnot….”

There was a short, contemplative silence before Gojyo saw the combat boots begin to move out. Slowly, with much effort and wiggling, long legs in loose, ratty jeans emerged, followed by an oil stained t-shirt. Finally, the figure’s face came into view.

…

Gojyo felt his mind go blank and his mouth go dry as he stared at a very, VERY pretty man.

…So that’s why they called him princess.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo officially hated football, cars, and any other stupid male bonding clichés he might happen to come in contact with that night. First of all, none of this would have happened if he hadn’t come to the god-forsaken football game. Second, this car made no fucking sense, not that he ever thought it had.

He supposed this proved it though. It was definitely easier to break shit than it was to fix it up again.

And now this bozo had to come along and start mouthing off to him. After the first couple of insults, Sanzo had held out the hope that the guy had gotten the hint and screwed off, since it had gone silent from up above. It probably would have been wise on the guy’s part too, since Sanzo’s head was still throbbing from hitting his head when the guy had startled him. But still, the damn punk stayed. He was either very brave or very stupid.

It’s easy to guess which answer Sanzo was leaning toward.

But when he brought up the princess thing, that was taking it too far. He was lucky Sanzo didn’t really have a gun, or he’d be joining Banri in jail that night on homicide charges. Which was saying a lot, that Sanzo was willing to get thrown into jail to get back at the ass. Sanzo didn’t like jail that much. Sure, it did its job most of the time, and when Banri was in it he was out of Sanzo’s hair and not causing any trouble, but still. It smelled funny. Wreaked hell on Sanzo’s freakishly sensitive nose.

When he mentioned the hotwiring thing was the last straw. Now that Sanzo thought about it, in the movies they did pop the hood to hotwire shit… great. Now he owed this guy. Which meant he couldn’t beat the shit out of him. He hated when people he didn’t like were right.

Just who did this guy think he was anyway, Tom Cruise?

Wiggling out from under the vehicle, decidedly ignoring the fact that he may as well kiss any dignity good-bye, Sanzo finally got he head out from under the time-bomb. Thankfully without hitting his head again. If he lost to many brain cells, who knew, he might just get as dumb as Banri. A fate worse than death if you asked him. Yuck…

After a moment of letting his eyes adjust and breathing in a few gulps of fresh air, Sanzo finally looked up at his unwelcome guest. He couldn’t help but be curious as to who the poor sap was that was desperate enough to get a ride from Banri. Beside himself that is.

…

Sanzo had the worst luck in the world. Not only was it a football player, albeit a hot one, but still his second least favorite one on the entire team. He wasn’t quite as bad as that fucking running back, but he took a close second.

Sha Gojyo, team quarterback, school playboy.

Sanzo’s polar opposite, and therefore mortal enemy. The jedi to his sith. The superhero to his evil genius.

The prep to his emo.

Understandably, it took his mind a few seconds to recover from the continuously worse comparisons it spit out. But snap out of it he did, after a few seconds of staring. Though he couldn’t say the situation wasn’t surreal. He just didn’t get it. Why did a guy as popular as Sha need a ride home from Banri of all people? Couldn’t he just get a ride from some chick he’d screwed or one of his meathead friends? Or, better yet, someone in his family, his brother for instance….

Thinking things over, Sanzo didn’t initially notice the eyes seemingly plastered onto his face. Though the itching feeling they left behind became impossible to ignore after a few minutes. Eyes refocusing once more, he looked up at the redhead only to find he was being stared at.

Sanzo twitched.

The guy wasn’t even being subtle about it, his eyes wide and his jaw slack. Was that a bit of drool Sanzo saw in the corner there? What the hell? Did he have something on his face? He quickly raised a hand to check, ducking his head for a moment. No… he was good, clean as he ever was. All it took was a quick glance to confirm that the eyes staring him down hadn’t even blinked, let alone moved.

That was… annoying to say the least.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

The snide remark seemed to do its job, as the jaw abruptly snapped closed, red eyes swiftly turning away. In fact, Sha went so far as to turn completely around, hiding his face completely, leaving Sanzo to wonder what the hell all that was about.

Oh well, he didn’t really mind that much. He had a great view after all, being on the ground. He now had even more evidence to confirm his earlier thesis.

Sha Gojyo, for all his faults, had one damn good ass.

But if he sat there ogling it for too long, even the brainless wonder was going to notice. With a regretful sigh, Sanzo reluctantly stood up, though not without one last try at raping that ass with his eyes. Too bad this guy was as straight as they came, Sanzo might be willing to ignore the fact that he couldn’t stand the guy for one good lay. And he’d have made sure the redhead had no complaints either.

Oh well. No use crying over milk that was never there in the first place.

Opening the car door while doing his best to ignore the blowup doll in the backseat, Sanzo pulled on the lever to pop the hood. Looking up and seeing that it hadn’t worked, he pulled again. And again. And again. And once more for the road….

…Unfortunately pulling the lever off entirely. Staring at the broken stick in his hands, Sanzo wondered what was with all his bad luck lately. He hadn’t seen any black cats for months… unless that calico down the block counted, but one of it’s paws was white and it had a brown spot on its back. He hadn’t walked under any ladders, and it was doubtful he ever would, especially not if Banri were the one on top of it. What was the last thing? Oh yeah, you weren’t supposed to break a mirror unless you wanted seven years bad luck….

Shit. Looking at the nonexistent side view mirror of Banri’s car, he hoped that didn’t count. Technically it hadn’t even been him that broke the mirror off, but he had been there when it happened. And he supposed it would be just like Banri to curse everyone in his close vicinity with his bad luck. Why was Sanzo going to bust him out of jail again? Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure there was even a reason to in the first place….

Whatever. He really needed to focus if he was going to get back to his apartment anytime soon. Then he could make a list of the pros and cons of busting Banri out.

Despite the fact that the entire lever had come off… it had done its job, Sanzo observed. Moving toward the front, he hefted up the hood, looking for the rod that held it up. Which, upon further investigation, seemed to have met the same fate as the lever he had dropped on the car seat. Great, what else could go wrong? He would pretend he hadn’t thought that, just in case he had just jinxed himself. But maybe that was only the case if you said it out loud… whatever, he wasn’t going to stew on it. Banri was the one into all the superstitious shit anyway, not him.

Well, if he didn’t have the regular rod to hold the hood up, one nimrod would do. Glaring over at the quarterback, he attempted to contain a sneer of disdain. People usually didn’t appreciate that kind of a look from someone about to ask for there help, or so Sanzo had heard. Not that he was going to ask for the guys help, demand was more like it, but at least he could do it in a somewhat courteous manner…

That one might be able to see if they tilted there head just right and squinted a bit….

While observing the red head, he couldn’t help but notice that he was being observed rather closely. In fact, the guy’s eyes seemed glued to somewhere around the chest vicinity, almost like they were looking for something. When he didn‘t realize that he was being watched as well, Sanzo was rather at a loss of what to think. Was he being checked out, or was this something he would find vaguely insulting once he understood what it was? As the first raindrop hit his head however, he decided it really didn’t matter.

“Are you going to stand there gaping all day or are you gonna get your ass over here and help?”

The growled out sentence snapped Sha out of his daze or coma, his eyes jerking away from Sanzo’s chest quite quickly. Sanzo’s eyes narrowed, but for the time being, he decided he wasn’t gonna ask. He needed the moron’s help, which meant he couldn’t kill him, or even cause serious bodily harm. Afterwards though… well, it was something to think about. He just wished he had his Smith and Wesson along, it would make threatening this punk so much easier.

But at least the guy knew when to shut his trap, for the most part at least. He slumped over, hair falling into his face as he took over holding up the hood, but not without of few complaining grumbles and curses. Sanzo felt no pity. If he expected to get a ride, he was going to have to work for it. Though he was still thinking over the ride part, as it were.

“Now, where are these transmission things you were talking about.”

Sha made a vague gesture with his head, which Sanzo followed to a bunch of black wires in the upper left hand corner. Okay, near where you sat and turned the key to make the car start, that made sense, he guessed. Now he just had to figure out which wire to tamper with and where….

Pulling out his pocket knife, Sanzo set to work, doing his best to ignore the crimson eyes he could once more feel staring at him.

Now, which one to start with? Eenie Meenie Minee Mo…

~*~*~*~*~*~

Holding up the hood, Gojyo was having a hard time coming to terms with his situation. Not the Banri in jail, the piece of shit car, or the about to rain part. More like the holy-fricking-cow-so-this-was-princess part.

Guys were NOT supposed to be that pretty. It was a cosmic rule or something. If he hadn’t heard his voice beforehand, Gojyo seriously would have thought that he was a chick or something. Which would have been really humiliating, because Gojyo would feel the need to hit on any chick as pretty as this guy, no matter how flat the chest was.

Which probably would have ended with him in the hospital, like that running back Banri had told him about. Suddenly, he was starting to empathize with the poor guy. He hadn’t known what hit him.

In light of all this, Gojyo couldn’t help but stare at the guy. More specifically, at the guy’s chest. He couldn’t shake the feeling that there should be a nice, big pair of breasts there, and maybe if he looked long enough a pair would start to grow. Then the guy would be a chick, and he wouldn’t be disturbed by the moment of insane attraction he had felt upon first glimpsing that face….

Because Sha Gojyo was not gay. His groin had just been momentarily confused. Went back to the whole guys weren’t supposed to be pretty thing.

Though, he may have to revise that a bit. After all, Sha Gojyo was a very pretty man as well. Just, in a more, er… manly way than this guy. Yeah, that was it. Men were allowed to be pretty, so long as they still looked like men.

At the first spark, and coincidentally, curse from the other man (He’s a man, Gojyo, get over it!), Gojyo began to feel the first real signs of nervousness. It had been fine when the man had been fiddling with shit when Gojyo had the option of running away. But now he was holding the hood up, and if the car decided to spontaneously combust, he would be the more screwed of the two. At the same time, he couldn’t just drop the thing and leave the guy. He did have some morals, they just didn’t come up very often.

He was understandably amazed when, lo and behold, the car actually started. Without flames or explosions or anything. Maybe he was wrong and this guy did have some idea of what he was doing. Upon seeing the equally surprised expression on pretty boys face though, Gojyo decided he had been right all along. This guy didn’t have a bloody clue what he was doing. He had just gotten lucky, that was all.

Which was lucky for Gojyo, since he now had a ride home.

Waiting until pretty boy had taken a step back, Gojyo unceremoniously dropped the hood, letting it latch with a loud clank. Swaggering over to the passengers side, he was about to hop in, when he suddenly discovered….

The bloody door was locked.

Trying again, thinking that maybe it was a fluke, Gojyo was forced to admit that, yes, the door was locked. Looking in the window to the driver’s seat, he saw a rather smug looking blonde bitch sitting behind the wheel. Watching him like one might watch a particularly interesting bug when they had nothing better to do. And just to seal the deal, the one or two droplets chose then to become a light drizzle, with a promise for more on the way.

He needed in the car, and he needed in the car fast.

“What the hell are you doing?!? This isn’t funny man, let me in already!” Already a bit damp, Gojyo began yanking at the door, hoping the vehicle was as shitty as it looked and that maybe the whole door would come right off.

Wouldn’t you know it, the locks were the one thing in the entire bucket of bolts that actually worked.

“Why should I? I see nothing in it for me to give you a ride home.”

Nothing in it for… what kind of demon was this guy?

“Nothing in it for you? Oh come on! It’s raining out here! Can’t you just do it out of the goodness of your heart?”

“I know not what heart you speak of. In fact, I’m insulted that you would even suggest such a thing.”

“Yeah, I guess it was stupid to me to expect anything from a dick like you.”

“My point exactly.”

Gojyo was beginning to get desperate. It was cold damnit! He was getting in that car in one way or another! “Listen! I don’t have anything on me at the moment…. Can’t I just owe you or something?” Gojyo knew this was kind of a shot in the dark, and that he was probably going to regret this later, but at the moment it was the only thing he could do.

He saw a contemplative expression on the blonde’s face. “Owe me huh? …Alright, I’ll make you a deal.”

“So hurry up and tell me what it is so I can agree already!”

The blonde held up one finger for him to see. “One favor. You owe me one favor, whatever I ask for , whenever and wherever I ask for it. Non-negotiable. You just have to do it.”

Oh yeah. He was DEFINITELY going to regret this later. “Deal!” He yelled, practically jumping into the vehicle as the punk opened it. Slamming the door behind him and glaring at the blonde, he just knew his antennas were twisting themselves up in an outward expression of his loathing. The fucker didn’t so much as twitch at his look, but then again, with a personality like his he had to be used to them by now.

Gojyo settled back in his seat in a determined sulk. This had to be THE worst day of his life, no holds barred. As cliché as that was. But, glancing over at the prick in the driver’s seat, he abruptly decided that cliché’s didn’t seem so cliché anymore. Because he now had proof of a living being that looked like an angel, but was, without a doubt, the devil incarnate.

And he knew with utmost certainty, from this day forth, that Satan was in fact, blonde.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo ignored the death glare being fired his way from the passenger seat with relative ease, since at this point he was used to such looks being shot his way.

But he was suddenly in such a better mood than he had been a few minutes ago. Must have had something to do with the fact that Sha Gojyo, star football player, big man on campus, undeniably and irrefutably…

…Owed him BIG.

It was almost the same feeling as having some serious blackmail on someone rich and famous, not that Sanzo had ever had any. But it must be the same feeling, the utter rush of power, the ability to crush someone’s entire life between your hand without effort or fear of consequences.

Oh yes. Power corrupts. But damn, did it feel good.

His warm fuzzy feelings lasted for a total of two minutes, which was still a record in Sanzo’s case, sad as the fact was. Incidentally, their abrupt dissipation coincided with the first time the brakes gave out. Right at a red light with plenty of traffic coming from either direction, as fate would have it. Only a few quick swerves and two spin outs later saw the two passengers through the mess, but not without a few moments of cardiac arrest.

It took a few minutes for either of them to recover. But Sanzo didn’t understand why the other felt the need to break the silence and talk about the near death experience. He wanted to leave it a few miles behind him with the massive car pileup he suspected he’d caused.

“God DAMN, what the hell was that!?!? Ever heard of brakes man!? We could have been killed!!!”

“You think that was MY fault!? I did hit the brakes you mooch bum of a mother, they gave out! But if you think you can do soooo much better, why don’t you go ahead and get your ass over here and drive!”

“Well, SORRY for assuming the brakes actually worked in this bucket of bolts! And don’t tempt me, I might just decide to come over there and take over, and throw you out at the next light while I’m at it!”

“If you could get the car to stop you mean. Hell, you should be thanking me! My quick thinking and good driving were the only things that got us through that alive!”

“Oh, so that’s what you call good driving? I thought good drivers actually made sure the brakes in their cars actually worked before driving them!”

“First of all, this isn’t my car; it’s Banri’s. Second of all, I’m the one that trashed the brakes in the first place, and on purpose mind you. Why the hell would I fix them?”

“YOU trashed the brakes? Um, maybe I’m going out on a limb asking this… but WHY?! What reason could you possibly have for making this ticking time bomb even more unstable?”

“And that would be none of your business. If it’s any consolation, I assure you that I’m regretting it!”

“So why don’t you just fucking- wait a minute….”

“So why don’t I just what? By all means, please continue.”

“It suddenly occurred to me, from what I’ve seen today, that you know absolutely zip, zilch, and nada about cars. I’m betting you broke the brakes, then couldn’t figure out how to fix them afterward, could you?”

Sanzo hated when people caught on to shit like that. It was like karma was coming back to bite him in the ass. “No, Mr. Fucking Holmes, that is not the case. How much of a fucking retard would I have to be to do something as stupid as that.” Sanzo phrased it more as a statement than a question, inwardly kicking himself and his ego.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Sanzo saw those freakish antennas begin to twitch.

“You’re lying, aren’t you?”

“Whatever gave you that impression.” Sanzo stated flatly. Turning to look at the red head this time, his eyes widened marginally at the gymnastics the feeler were doing on top of the quarterbacks head.

“…You are so full of shit. That’s exactly what happened, isn’t it?”

Now Sanzo was a little freaked out. He had the best poker face in the business, he knew it, he had been told plenty of times. And yet, this dumb fuck had the ability to see right through it. Sanzo’s question was how? His eyes were drawn back to the antenna’s, the tips of which, he noticed, were pointed in his direction. And that’s when it clicked.

“What the hell, are those some sort of fucking lie detectors now?! Holy shit, what kind of creepy ass alien are you anyway?! Why didn’t you just get a ride home from the mother-ship you freak, with those things it should have been easy enough to flag down!”

“So I was right then, wasn’t I? You lying bastard, you couldn’t fix the fucking things! And they aren’t fucking antennas!”

“Why don’t you just shut up before I change my mind about this ride thing and kick your ass to the curb!”

“You’d have to find a way to stop this natural disaster on wheels first and- HOLY SHIT, GET YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!”

Sanzo jerked his attention back to the street just in time to see the bent figure of an old man directly in his driving path. Jerking the steering wheel as far to the right as it would go, Sanzo managed to avoid second-degree homicide charges, but only by about two feet.

He didn’t, however, quite avoid property damage ones, as his swerve took him to and through his neighbors mailbox. Quickly feeling around, grasping, and pulling the emergency brake, Sanzo experienced a sever case of whiplash as the car came to an abrupt halt. Right in the middle of the yard of his apartment complex.

…Maybe… if he woke up and got the car out of the yard early enough, the landlord wouldn’t notice?

“Ho… shit man….”

Sanzo turned to the other passenger, who was bent over in his seat fingering his forehead, which now sported a large, rather nasty looking bruise. He must have hit his head when Sanzo had put on the brakes….

Man, if there was one thing Sanzo hated even more than football, homophobes, hotdogs, stupid running backs, rent - and oh so many other wonderful things that he wouldn’t go into at the moment for his sanity’s sake - it was feeling guilty. Rolling his eyes heavenward, he resigned himself to an apology.

Opening his mouth to spit out the poisonous words, he thanked any God that might be up there as he was interrupted by a knock on the car window. Turning to the side, he squinted through the rain to see the very old man that he had nearly removed from the world as he knew it.

Jikaku waved cheerily at him, grinning in that psycho way of his while somehow puffing at the pipe sticking out of his mouth. Geez… the bloody thing wasn’t even lit, the rain made sure of that, and the old man still had it in his mouth. Talk about addiction much?

He refused to acknowledge the unlit cigarette currently clamped between his own lips. Oh yes, denial was a wonderful thing, and was not just a river in Egypt.

Raising his own hand in a pale imitation of a way, Sanzo watched as the old man scurried back inside, dripping water and mud everywhere. But hey, when you were old as dirt, you could do shit like that, and not even get yelled at for it.

Glancing over at the passenger, he had thankfully gotten over the strange and unusual urge on his part to apologize like a decent human being. Hand resting on the handle, he averted his eyes as he addressed the football player, for all the world looking as though he were addressing himself in the rear view mirror.

“She’s all yours, just drive her back here in the morning, I am so NOT walking to school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah… I got it already….”

He saw the form next to his shift in the seat, ready to shift over and claim the driver’s side as soon as Sanzo got out. Right as he was pulling up the handle, about to make a run for it, the unthinkable happened.

The car just… stopped.

They both heard the pathetic, drawn out whine of the engine as it got slowly quieter and weaker. Turning to each other with disbelieving eyes, they looked as one toward the gas meter.

Empty. Fucking empty. Staring as though his look could miraculously fill the tank, Sanzo glared at the stupid hand in accusation, his temper boiling once more.

STUPID FUCKING BANRI!

Sitting there for a few silent moment, Sanzo eventually shrugged. Wasn’t his problem anyway, he was where he needed to be. He could always get up a few minutes early and siphon some gas from a neighbor, at least enough to get him to school. No way that was happening in this rain though. Looks like Sha over there was just SOL.

“Okay… have fun with that.” And with those parting words, Sanzo made to exit the vehicle, hopefully before any outbursts. He never got that far, a hand gripping his arm hard enough to bruise (which he did, since he bruised like a banana) pulling him up short.

“Now wait a DAMN minute man. You can’t seriously expect me to sit out here all night while your sorry ass goes and sleeps in an actual bed. I know you can’t seriously think that’s the way this is going down.”

“Actually…” Sanzo started with an unsuccessful attempt at freedom, only resulting in the redhead holding on even tighter. “That’s EXACTLY what I think. Now let me go before I start screaming rape you pervert.”

“Like anyone would hear or believe you. And I’m telling you here and now, if you try and make me sleep out here for the night, the deal is OFF.”

THAT got Sanzo’s attention. “How do you figure? You only said you wanted a ride, and I gave you a ride, you didn’t specify where to.”

“The deal was made on the assumption that I would make it somewhere to spend the night that wasn’t a creaking load of metal and didn’t feel like it would explode. Sorry man, but take it or leave it.”

So maybe it was Sanzo’s problem, since this guy was making it his. Bastard. Sanzo was sorely tempted to just leave him out here all night anyway, deal or no deal. But really, the opportunity to have something to hold over the prick was too much. He would just have to tough it out and find a way to make this work. Even if it meant bringing this punk into his humble abode.

“Fine… you can come up. But break anything and you’ll wish you were never born.”

Meanwhile, he could always spend the night thinking of especially painful ways to make the punk regret making the deal in the first place. Right now his plan involved a great deal of toothpick, the principal’s statue in the school courtyard, and one rival Cho Hakkai’s crotch guard….

~*~*~*~*~*~

Gojyo congratulated himself on his quick thinking in getting himself a place to stay for the night for all of two seconds. Then he got a good look at the place he was staying. After a few moments of consideration, he began questioning whether the car was actually the lesser evil.

The apartment, for lack of any better descriptor, sucked some major ass. He wasn’t sure whether he could see a single area that wasn’t stained, and even if he could, he wasn’t sure how he would tell since all the colors were so HIDEOUS. There were cracks everywhere, most of the windows were broken, and all in all, it looked one good gust of wind away from crumbling to the ground.

Hell, the landlord would have to pay him before he’d consider setting foot in this dump. And yet, still, somehow, he had managed to back himself into spending the night in one of the less than sanitary rooms.

Sometimes, he just wanted to cut his tongue out and be done with it. He probably get in a lot less trouble without the damn thing anyway.

Ever the trooper (and used to his tongues bad habit of getting him into less than desirable situations), Gojyo sucked it up and followed the blonde inside. That and he was pretty sure there were eyes staring at him. The neighborhood was distinctly less than wholesome, and he was pretty sure the curtains of that house had just fluttered. Was he being watched? Maybe he was hallucinating, but he was pretty sure he saw a pair of red, glowing eyes in that ally over there, straight out of some lame cartoon….

He supposed he shouldn’t have underestimated the insight of the cartoonists. While a bit cheesy and unbelievable on a television screen, glowing red eyes were creepy as hell in real life. Logically he knew they didn’t actually exist in real life, but better sage than sorry. He sped up a little bit to catch up with the blond, just in case.

Nearly running into him as well when the guy stopped in front of the doors. Pulling up just in time, Gojyo didn’t want to consider the consequences of invading the guy’s personal space. He’d already decided the guy was a closet sadist, there was no need to add fuel to the fire.

Without bothering to wipe his feet or drip dry on the door mat, the guy stepped inside and began his trek up towards what Gojyo assumed was his apartment. But damn… those stairs did not look safe. Cautiously putting weight on the first one, he couldn’t hold back a wince at the loud creak it gave off. Or the step after it. Or the one after that. He didn’t know how the hell princess was walking up them so quietly, and he voiced as much.

“It’s not that hard once you get the hang of it. Really comes in useful for breaking and entering.”

Gojyo really wished he hadn’t asked.

Princess finally stopped in front of a door though, pushing the door open with one foot. Which drew attention to the lack of doorknob. Gojyo didn’t know much about this side of town other than what he had heard at school, but he knew enough to realize that not having a doorknob might be a bad idea. Considering the area and all. Hell, not having a doorknob would be a bad idea in any area. He opened his mouth to say as much when princess shot him a glare that plainly said not to comment. And so Gojyo decided, with his future and life in mind, not to comment.

Walking in after the blonde bitch, as he had begun to think of him, Gojyo was startled by the sound of a grandfather clock chiming from somewhere. That was weird, he could have sworn it was around 9:30.…

Looking around the apartment, he could definitely tell that Banri lived here. First of all were the underwear, socks, and other assortment of clothes strewn about the apartment in what would usually be considered odd places. Such as between the seats of the couch, draped across the ficus in the corner, dangling from the rotating ceiling fan.

He swore he could even see a thong sticking out of the refrigerator door.

Blinking a few times to try and clear that imagery from his retinas, Gojyo realized he couldn’t see blondie anymore, which was both good and bad. Good, because he was finally free of the attitude and the sneers, bad because he didn’t know where to sleep.

Hearing a thump, Gojyo determined it came from one of the doors down a small hallway. It sort of made sense, after all, one of them had to be the bi- er, Sanzo’s room. He’d better stop it with the nicknames unless he wanted to accidentally say one of them out loud. While that normally wouldn’t be an issue, in this case, he chose life.

“Hey, ah, Sanzo! Where am I bunking for the night?”

“The couch, where else you idiot?”

Gojyo’s eyebrows furrowed, both at the name and the implication. Couch? He hadn’t seen a couch when he had come in….

Surveying the small apartment once more, his gaze finally fell across said “couch.” Eyes widening before focusing into a glare, Gojyo felt the thread holding in his temper become a little strained. THAT was supposed to be a couch?

Looked more like a giant, failed attempt at making meatloaf if you asked him. He was gonna puke just from the thought of sleeping on that thing.

“If you think I’m going anywhere near that, that, disgusting waste of space, you’ve got another think coming!”

“Oh, quit whining, you’re the one who wanted to come in in the first place! So suck it up and deal with the consequences of your actions, you noob!”

“That not consequences, that’s inhumane! Unsanitary! I just assumed you’d have a place for me to stay the night without having to worry about dying in my sleep!”

“Oh get over yourself! Sleeping on that thing for one night won’t hurt you! Banri sleeps there all the time!”

If that was supposed to make him feel better, this Sanzo guy was way off track. After all, Banri was a teenager, and a horny one at that. And everyone knew what teenage boys did at night when they thought nobody could hear… Gojyo wasn’t going within five feet of that thing, for fear of catching an STD.

“Oh, yeah, that makes me feel sooooo much better. After all, look at how Banri turned out?”

“…Point taken. But it’s that or the floor. Have fun.”

Now that was just… and the punk didn’t even offer him a blanket or something, the dickwad! If he thought Gojyo was going to sleep on either the couch of death or the floor, he was dead wrong! There had to be a bed in this dump somewhere, and for tonight, it had Gojyo’s name on it, whether Blondie liked it or not!

Storming to the hallway, he first found a small bathroom, next a closet, before finally encountering what had to be Sanzo’s room. Thankfully, it had what actually looked like a very comfortable bed in it. Unfortunately, said bed was already occupied. By one very pissed looking princess, as luck would have it.

“What do you want and why are you in my room?”

Gojyo answered without thinking. “I want a goddamn bed to sleep in and I’m hear to do just that.”

“Over my dead body.”

“That option just keeps looking better and better.”

“Oh shut up. You wouldn’t have the balls.”

“You’d be surprised how many balls I have! …That came out wrong.”

“I really, really hope that’s the case. You’re a big enough freak without having mutated genitals…”

“Whoa whoa whoa. You’re calling ME a freak? After you just used the word genitals? Give me a break…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize having a vocabulary above that of a third grader was considered unusual. Though maybe it is in a football player’s case, I wouldn’t know.”

“What the hell do you have against football players anyway? What, did one grab a ball and shove it up your ASS sometime? It would explain a lot!”

“Actually, it more had to do with one of them wishing to shove something rather closely associated with balls up my as, as irony would have it.”

On that awkward note, the room descended into uncomfortable silence. There really wasn’t any way to reply to that, Gojyo thought, unless he wanted to explain how easily it was to mistake Sanzo for a girl….

Yeah. He didn’t want THAT to be the last sentence of his life. Thanks, but no thanks.

But he was still a man on a mission. Gritting his jaw, he strode forward toward the bed, looking it over from top to bottom while ignoring the enraged looks from its occupant. Pretty boy was actually pretty small, now that he was really looking. A little on the short side and a bit thin… he really didn’t take up much space. What’s more, he was curled up pretty good on one side of the decently big bed.

Meh. There was enough room for two. Steering himself to the other side, Gojyo unceremoniously flipped back the covers and dove in, toeing his shoes off in the process. Pulling the covers over his shoulders, he determinedly faced away from Sanzo, closing his eyes. He could practically feel the indignant shock seeping from the other side of the bed. But strangely enough, the other was silent, the feeling of surprise slowly diminishing. It was a few minutes later before the other spoke.

“Well this is gay….”

“Shut up. I want to sleep in an actual bed. I’m really trying to ignore the fact that there’s another dude in it. Please be quiet and help my attempted state of denial.”

And, shockingly, the other did shut up. After ten minutes devoid of any noises, Gojyo wondered if the other was asleep, but he couldn’t tell. But it didn’t matter, he thought as his squeezed his eyes shut. What mattered was him trying to get to sleep while sharing a bed with another guy.

Which was easier, he thought in the unconscious state of dreamland, than his strictly heterosexual self was completely comfortable with.

But none of his self was comfortable about the dream he was having at the moment. Besides being a bit bizarre, it felt more like a premonition that anything else.

Right now he knew it had something to do with Sanzo, lots of toothpicks, the principal’s statue in the school courtyard, and, most disturbing of all, one Cho Hakkai’s crotch guard….

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo decided that the two sides of his head had declared the third world war, which would really account for all the pain his head was in. Worst of all, judging by the severity of the migraine, neither side was at all worried about using atomic bombs.

Sanzo supposed that was partially his fault. After all, if he were president, life really would be simpler in America.

He’d just bomb the hell out of everywhere else on the globe, wiping out all races other than American’s as the universe knew it, and claim it all as his own. It can be unanimously agreed upon that America was very lucky indeed that Sanzo had no chance of becoming president, due to a widespread disease better known as laziness. Hell, even if he did get on a ballet, he’d be too lazy to go vote for himself.

A lucky thing indeed.

In any case, he was of two minds over the whole sharing his bed with Sha Gojyo for the night thing. Half of him, which he correctly labeled as his ego, was screaming at him to kick the self-righteous bastard’s ass out of his bed, threaten him with his Smith and Wesson if necessary, and generally make the guy’s night a living hell.

The other half was going somewhere along the lines of “YAHOO! ONE SEXY MAN-BITCH IN THE BED! THERE’S GONNA BE A PARTY IN THE PANTS TONIGHT, AND HELL YEAH THAT ASS IS INVITED!”

Sanzo was rather inclined to ignore that side of his minds on the grounds that it had both used the word ‘yahoo’ and the phrase ‘party in the pants.’ He would prefer to remain under the impression that no area of his conscious OR subconscious was quite that lame.

At the same time, he was really tired, and didn’t feel up to either violence or sex at the moment. Which was saying quite a bit, since those were generally his two favorite activities. Rolling over to get more comfortable, he was greeted by the sight of messy red hair strewn across his pillow. But that wasn’t what caught his attention.

What caught his attention was the fact that one of the goddamn strands had drifted over, crossing the invisible line drawn in the middle of any shared bed.

The dick’s hair was on HIS FUCKING SIDE.

Okay, so maybe he was being a bit anal about this all, it wasn’t like Sha could really control where his hair landed, or even realized where it was at the moment. If Sanzo were truly a mature adult, he would realize all this, shrug it off, turn over, and go to sleep.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t a mature adult. He was a mature teenager. Which meant a couple of things. One, he did in fact realize that this situation was not any attempt to actually annoy him on the redhead’s part.

And, two, despite the fact that he realized this, he didn’t particularly care. The moron had invited himself into his apartment, commandeered half of his bed, and was now taking up a small (infinitesimal) portion of Sanzo’s side.

He wouldn’t be able to call himself a man if he didn’t do anything about it. Sitting up, he leaned over the quarterback, opening his mouth to rip him a new a-hole when he realized something. The idiot was already fast asleep.

Sanzo gaped down at the peaceful expression, thoroughly incensed at the fact that this cocksucker was so comfortable taking up Sanzo’s space. He really was a spoiled brat.

So why was it that Sanzo couldn’t find it in him to wake the guy up? Really, he thought, rubbing the bridge of his nose, this is ridiculous. So I’m a bit attracted to the guy, doesn’t mean I like him in the least. So why couldn’t he just be his usual ass of a self and dump him out of the bed.

He decided he was just too tired to be thinking about this right now. And he was too tired to deal with a fired up redhead at the moment either, which was what he would face for any stunt he was thinking of pulling. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t get his revenge though. Carefully picking up the criminal strand of hair that had crossed the boundary between safe territory and the war zone, Sanzo leaned over Sha once more. Tongue sticking out in concentration, it took a few minutes, but Sanzo was able to work a good portion of the stray hair between Sha’s slightly parted lips.

Laying down on his side once more, Sanzo hoped the bozo would get a hairball. At the very least, he would get a nasty wake up surprise, as Sanzo knew how unpleasant it was to wake up to hair in your mouth.

Closing his eyes and, strangely enough, counting sheep that had a strange resemblance to his incarcerated roommate, Sanzo was suddenly struck by a moment of genius. Letting a slow, evil smirk grow across his face, he had to work hard to contain an evil chuckle. Oh yes, he knew EXACTLY how he was going to use that little favor Sha owed him….

His last thought before he fell asleep was spent hoping Banri was having a night of hell in jail for all the trouble he had put him through.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Banri was having the time of his life, as it were.

First of all, he had gotten a ride in a police car, which was a normal for him, but still amusing nonetheless. Especially considering the uncomfortable expressions of the police in the front seat, due to his still nude state. Priceless. Just priceless.

Then he was actually brought into the prison, normally a rather depressing affair. However, this time it was rather fun, as there was a whole group of prostitutes that had been dragged in that night as well, and the catcalls followed him all the way to his cell.

The other guys in the cell were avoiding Banri like the plague, seemingly creeped out by the small, naked, possibly homosexual kid the cops had gladly shoved within their space. Chasing them around the cell, and watching as hulky, tattooed criminals retreated from a little naki time would likely never get old.

Still, the high point of his night was when Shuei walked past, absentmindedly glancing inside the holding cell. And nearly spitting out the coffee he was sipping when he spotted a naked Banri, sitting in the middle of the cell and singing to himself cheerfully.

Collecting himself, Banri could tell Shuei was amused despite it all. “Nice fashion statement you got going on there kid. Don’t tell me let me guess this one…” Shuei closed his eyes, seemingly in deep thought. “You were the punk they caught flashing an entire stadium worth of people during the football game tonight.”

Banri grinned and didn’t’ bother denying it, his current state of undress spoke for itself. Besides that, he was rather proud of his newest accomplishment, just another check to add to his list of performed delinquencies.

Shuei was even amused enough to sneak him a doughnut, which by itself made the whole night worth it. He didn’t know how they did it, but cops always managed to find the absolute best doughnuts, all golden on the outside, but soft and gooey on the inside.

Bliss. Absolute bliss.

Munching happily on his treat, Banri couldn’t help but wonder how the hell Sanzo and Gojyo were gonna get home that night. He hadn’t really thought about it earlier, before the whole streaking deal, but now he was honestly curious.

That reminded him, he really needed to buy some more gas when Sanzo busted him out, he had meant to do that earlier today….

Oh well. Wasn’t like waiting an extra day would hurt anybody. Besides, Sanzo and Gojyo had both probably made it home just fine. Sanzo would figure out a way to get Banri’s car working, and Gojyo would just bum a ride off one of his friends. Wasn’t like the guy was desperate enough to bargain a ride home from Sanzo after all.

Because Banri knew better than anyone that Sanzo never did anything for free. And making a deal with that son of a bitch was probably the worst mistake of anyone’s life. Just one of the things he loved about his snarky friend.

Yeah, Gojyo was smarter than that. He was probably at home right now, sleeping after having banged some hot chick and looking forward to a massive hangover in the morning.

Oh, if only he knew.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Whew! A bit shorter than I thought it would be, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sorry everyone, I know it was a day late, but I got it out pretty fast considering… well, me. Ugh… still, you wouldn’t BELIEVE the busy week I’ve had, I had to work my ass off to get this much done. But hopefully I’ll be able to get the next chapters out a bit quicker, since I should have a bit more free time.

Anyway, I have some questions from people that I need to answer, and some stuff I feel should be clarified anyway.

About the plot of the story; yes, there will be an actual plot. Actually, the first few chapter will be building up to where the real story starts. Despite being a humor fic, this is also gonna be sort of a growing up story for the characters. Especially Sanzo and Gojyo, who are the main characters, in case you didn’t already guess. Which leads me into the questions over the pairings.

Gojyo x Sanzo will be the main pairing, and just so you know, despite hints to the contrary, Sanzo will be on bottom. End of story. He is the most irritable, angsty character, so he is naturally the uke. Not to mention the fact that he is the shortest, and the most girly looking. The age thing doesn’t matter. I actually think its kinda hot when the older guy is on bottom.
As for sub pairings, I already know I’m gonna do Cuomo x Shuei, just cause I think it’s adorable. Yes, Koumyou is going to play a big role in this story. In the next few chapters Hakkai will come in a bit more as well. Goku doesn’t come in until later in the story, but he plays a pretty big part in relation to Sanzo when he does. So hold out all you monkey lovers, he’ll have his time.

And yeah… I think that’s about it for right now. I can’t think of anything else I need to add at the moment. Oh, but I’m still open to more suggestions for side pairings, just send any requests you have that don’t mess with the main ones I’ve already decided on.

Once again, reviews are DEFINITELY welcome, but not entirely necessary. Thanks a bunch to those who did review though! I heart you forever!

See ya!