Walk the thin line

Walking the Thin Line. Chapter 2



"Wait another minute. Can\'t you see what this pain has fucking done to me. I\'m alive and still kickin\'. What you see I can\'t see and maybe you\'ll think before you speak."



"I\'m alive for you." "I\'m awake because of you." "I\'m alive I told you." "I\'m awake swallowing you."



Godsmack "Awake"



Earlier today



The first thing that Asuka wondered when she opened her sleep-encrusted eyes is why the alarm didn\'t wake her up as usual. However when the fog finally cleared from her mind she remembered that this was a weekend so she didn\'t bother setting it the night before. When she rolled over, she saw that it was past 10 o\'clock in the morning. Her roommates had let her sleep in. She didn\'t blame them, since Kaji and Misato\'s date a couple days ago she had been in a particularly foul mood. So bad in fact that finally Shinji had taken too his room to escape her wrath and Misato had spent most of the time away. She felt somewhat sorry for them but she couldn\'t help herself. She could feel Kaji Slipping away from her. Since they had come to Tokyo 3, She had hardly seen him at all. And when she did, it seemed that he couldn\'t stand being around her. Didn\'t he see how much that hurt her? She felt that if she did not do something soon, she would probably loose him to Misato forever.



She stepped out of her room to an empty apartment. Her questions on where Shinji and Misato had gone were answered when she saw the note on the kitchen table.



"Asuka, Me and Shinji had to go to Nerv headquarters today. Ritsuko needs Shinji to help test some new Synchronization software that she has written for unit 1. After that we are going downtown to do some shopping so we won\'t be back until this evening. Also Kaji is going to come by around noon to drop off some files that I need. Maybe you two can eat lunch together (Shinji made enough for both of you, its in the fridge). Try to behave yourself. See you tonight."



"Love Misato ^_-"



By the time she had finished reading the note she was almost jumping with excitement. "I can\'t believe this. Me and Kaji here, ALONE!" It was almost too good to be true. Then she looked at the clock, 10:30. "SCHIST!! I don\'t have much time". As she rushed to get ready there was one thought on her mind. "This is my best chance to get to him" she also feared that It would be her last. "There is no way in hell I am going to waste it."



It was a very uneasy Kaji that pulled into the parking lot of Misato\'s apartment complex at around noon. Once he had agreed to her plan she hadn\'t wasted any time setting them up. As he walked to the elevator, Kaji went over his planed actions one more time. At first he had thought of coming on to Asuka like the wolf that Misato always accused him of being but had decided against it. For one thing, if he acted too much out of character, Asuka would probably figure out that something was up. And if that happened it was game over. Also, He couldn\'t bring himself to act that way towards her. He would be as gentle as he could with her and just trust that Misato was right. If she asked why the sudden change of heart, he would just be as truthful as he could. On the matter on how far it would go. This was more worrying. He knew how far he felt conformable going with her (and that wasn\'t very far) and this was the thin line that he hoped that they would not cross. He just hoped that she would reach her limit before he breached his. As for initiating it, he figured that this wouldn\'t be much of a problem. Asuka would probably take care of that for him.



On the elevator ride up, he thought about the other thing that was bothering him. Asuka KNEW that he was coming (Misato had made sure of that). He shuddered at what she would have planed. She wasn\'t known to be very subtle and an image of her greeting him in sexy lingerie (or even worse, nothing at all) was making him even more nervous. these thoughts were also stirring something in him that he really didn\'t want to think about. As he made his way to the apartment this "something" finally made its self known and crashed its way out of the dark corner of his mind. "Oh just be honest with yourself. Part of you is looking FORWARD to this." He shook his head as he argued inside his mind. "That\'s crazy, I would NEVER want to do those things with her, I care for her to much." but the taunting thoughts would not be quieted. " BULLSHIT!!, You have always wondered; what it would be like, how she would look: how she would act, how she would Feel: how she would TASTE!! And you KNOW it. Now you are going to get to find out and it excites you. ADMIT it!!" Mustering up all his resolve he forced this back into the corner of his mind. "Its NOT like that!!" he whispered almost savagely as he did. He finally got himself composed as he reached the door. "Well, time to take the walk" he muttered as he steeled himself and reached up to knock.



He was prepared for almost anything as he heard her call out "I coming". But the vision that greeted him when she opened the door and said "Hi Kaji" was a pleasant surprise. She was dressed very modestly in her yellow sundress. He had to suppress a sigh of relief. But then he really looked at her. It was obvious that she had put a lot of thought into her appearance. From the dress (understated but elegant) , to her makeup (the same), to her hair (she had lost the sync clips and had let it flow freely down her back), to even her perfume (fresh and sunny like her dress), and her bearing (refined). Everything about her said "I am sophisticated and mature". He realized that he had NEVER seen her looking as beautiful as she did at this moment. It wasn\'t until she looked down and blushed while saying "what is it?" that he realized that he was openly and unabashedly staring at her. THAT part of his mind muttered, "NOW tell me you aren\'t looking forward to this" but he chose to ignore it.



Even though she did not show it, Asuka was almost beside herself with excitement with Kaji\'s reaction when she greeted him. When she opened the door and said hello, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he looked at her. "YES" she said to herself, overjoyed that all her hard work had paid off. But then as she noticed that he was STILL staring at her with open admiration, she felt something warm well up in her. He had never looked at her like this before. She finally had to look down from the intensity of his stare and interrupt the moment by asking him "what is it?". His reaction was interesting to say the least. At first he turned away in embarrassment and it was obvious that he was trying to think up some excuse. Her heart sank because this is what she expected him to do and she cursed herself for breaking the spell. But then he stopped and looked her directly in the eyes, smiled a smile that intensified the warm feeling in her and said " I was just noticing how Gorgeous you look." And from his look she could tell that he REALLY meant it, he was not just humoring her like he usually did. She couldn\'t help herself as she gushed "Thank you" and rushed up to give him a hug. She kicked herself as soon as she did it, Asuka had promised herself that she would control her emotions and it upset her that she had broken that promise so soon. However Kaji seemed to take her embrace in stride. He returned her embrace and said "you don\'t need to thank me for telling the truth". Even though he was hugging her very gently she suddenly found herself having a hard time catching her breath. But finally she stepped back and said. "So you have some files for Misato". He nodded, "I\'ll just leave them on the desk in her room" and did so. After that he said. "Well that\'s what I came here for I guess I will be going now". Asuka\'s heart leapt into her throat. He can\'t leave yet, not when things were getting off to such a good start. But outwardly she remained calm. "Why don\'t you stay for lunch? baka made enough for both of us". Again Kaji surprised her. Instead of trying to find an excuse to leave, he again flashed that disarming smile and said "why not, I don\'t have anyplace to be right now. It\'s the perfect time to catch up on things." Beaming, Asuka said, "Great, let me get some things out of the fridge". However, as happy as she was, the skeptical part of her couldn\'t help wondering why the sudden change in his behavior towards her, for now though, she was content to just enjoy the moment. But deep down She couldn\'t help thinking that Kaji was just being nice to make up for the other night and that he really didn\'t feel any different. And this was starting to poison the wonderful time that she was happing.



Kaji was really enjoying his lunch with Asuka at first. As he talked with her about the things that had going on with her since they had come to Tokyo 3. Kaji realized how much of her life he had missed out on because he felt like he had to avoid her. This made him all the more determined to make this plan work. He also realized that, no matter what else happened today, he would cherish just being able to just sit and talk with her. However, as things progressed and they moved from chatting over lunch to talking on the couch, It was becoming clear that something was bothering Asuka. Even though she was still smiling, it was forced and she had become tense. He also noticed that as the conversation proceeded on the couch she was sliding closer and closer to him. She also kept asking his if he still cared for her and as many times as he said yes, Asuka kept bringing it up as if she couldn\'t find it in herself to believe him. His sudden change in behavior was bothering Asuka. It was becoming clear that she now thought that he was just tolerating her to be nice. Even though she was trying her best to hide it, he could see the pain in her eyes and it almost broke his heart. It was the first time he realized just how much his actions towards her the last few months were hurting her. She needed this to end even more than he did. He truly felt sorry that it couldn\'t end the way she wanted to, but he also vowed that he would make what was going to happen here next as pleasant as he possibly could for her. She deserved no less from him. By now Asuka was sitting right next to him on the couch and had pressed the curves of her body against his in a clearly provocative way. She was getting ready to call what she thought was his bluff. Well, she was in for a surprise. He just hoped that this would work out, For the sake of both of them.



Now



By now, every kind word and action from Kaji was like a dagger ripping into Asuka\'s soul. She knew that he was trying (this was the only thing that kept her from losing it), but didn\'t he realize that this was even worse than his avoidance of her of the last few months. It was if he was rubbing her face in what she wanted. But what was the most barbed dagger of them all was the fact that he may, just, may have really changed his mind about her and it was her fault for not wanting to believe it. For the sake of her sanity she just had to find out one way or the other. This is what had brought her to the point of leaning up against him on the couch. Again Kaji seemed to take this intimate contact in stride. However being so close to him was definitely having an effect on HER. He was so warm and ..and something else that made the fuzzy feeling that had been building inside her since he had come here intensify even more. She found that she had to collect her thoughts on what she was going to do next. The fact that she would probably never be able to do what she really wanted to do with him caused her already flagging spirits to sink even more.



However Kaji cut her thoughts short when we put his hand under her chin and tilted her head up so he could meet her gaze. His formerly happy expression was gone, replaced by a look of concern. He asked "Asuka, what\'s wrong?". Damm. was she that transparent? However she was afraid that any admission would ruin the mood so she tried to deny it. "N-Nothings wrong, I- I\'m fine" she managed to stutter out. Way to go dumkoff. Like that was going to convince him. As she expected, Kaji wasn\'t about to let it drop. "Yes there is. I can see it in your eyes. Please tell me what\'s bothering you, I want to help". Asuka couldn\'t take it any more. She just had to voice her feelings. She was shaking with repressed emotions when she replied "For the last few months you have been treating me like you didn\'t care for me at all. But now you\'re different." She turned away from him. " I\'m just confused, that\'s all". Kaji turned her face back so he could look her in the eyes and said. " Of course I care for you, what ever made you think that I didn\'t". At those words the pain of the last few months crashed over her and threatened to tear her spirit apart. Her mind screamed " Could he BE more condescending. See, to him your just a pouting little child that needs to be cheered up.". She wanted to scream at him all the little things that he had done to hurt her but that would just keep the farce of him being nice going as he tried to deny it. It was time for him to put up or shut up. "Ok then, Prove it" was all she could say. There, now it will end one way or another. She expected him to tell her some more insincere words of flattery so what he actually did startled her. Auska was surprised to feel him put his arm around her. Sure he had held her before but not like this. It was so tender, yet the way that his hand was on the small of her back felt.nice. He squeezed her gently as he looked at her in a way that took Asuka\'s breath away. It was a look of passion, almost desire.. and an invitation. she has seen that look from him before. directed at Misato. He then said softly, "and how do you want me to do that?". This was a tone that said to her that he knew EXACTLY what she wanted and was willing to oblige her. Her heart was racing as she tried to put that want into words. However her skeptical side was still screaming to her that she was being led on and any desires that she voiced would be crushed. Auska found herself unable to speak. All she could do is turn her face up towards his and close her eyes. Maybe if he just left without having to turn down any specific request, it wouldn\'t hurt as much. That is when she felt him caressing her cheek. He was being so soft but he was also gently turning her head up even more. It finally hit her. "My GOD!! He\'s actually going to......."



This was a far as Auska\'s thoughts got before he kissed her. The shock of thefact that her most heart felt desire was coming true caused her to gasp. She couldn\'t help herself. But any fears that this would cause him to stop were dispelled as he turned his head slightly and made the kiss more intimate. The feeling was unlike anything that Asuka had experienced before. Not that this was a surprise since it was only her second kiss and while she enjoyed the kiss with Shinji more than she would ever admit to him or anybody else, the one that Kaji was giving her was on a whole different level. The way that he gently nibbled on her lips, the way that he had taken her more fully into his embrace, and the way that he had moved the hand that was caressing her cheek down and was now stroking the side of her neck. The fuzzy feeling that had been building in her since this started finally broke over her and she realized that this was the most pleasurable thing that she had experienced in her entire life. She gave a sigh and finally realized that she was just sitting there in shock. So she let herself relax in his arms and started to return the kiss and best as she could. She wasn\'t sure if she was doing it right but Kaji seemed to react favorably to it and he moved the hand that was on her neck down so he was holding her around her upper back and rested his other hand on her bare leg. The feeling of his gentle touch on her bare skin was electrifying. It was so warm and soft. And he wasn\'t even touching her anywhere ........dangerous yet. The fact that this might change soon filled her with anticipation and a little trepidation. If was he was doing now was almost overwhelming her senses, what would THAT do.



Her thoughts were interrupted again when he started tenderly stroking her bare leg. As he moved his hand up just a little bit she gasped again but with pleasure this time. Finally Kaji gently broke his kiss and enveloped her in a warm and very personal hug, his head resting on her shoulder and vice versa. While she was a little regretful about the kiss ending, she also realized that she needed some time to catch her breath. However Kaji had other ideas. Asuka let out another gasp as Kaji started running his lips around the outside of her ear. She couldn\'t believe that this simple act could cause such an intense reaction from her. Finally, she managed to get her wits together enough to realize that she wanted to know what had made Kaji change his mind about her. She managed to ask, "Kaji, Why?". He whispered hotly in her ear "I just realized how much I cared for you." His warm breath sent shivers down her spine. "And how much I really meant to you". He then stared nibbling on her earlobe, the wet tip of his tongue playing with the tip enticingly. If he wasn\'t distracting her enough already, this turned that up another notch. Kaji then put his lips back to her ear. "I\'m so sorry that I hurt you that much, let me make it up to you." He then moved down and started kissing the side of her neck. This was all that she could take. Asuka sighed, "Oh, Kaji" and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him hard.



This change in attitude caught Kaji by surprise. The force of her kiss bowled him over and resulted with him sprawled on the couch with Asuka on top of him kissing him desperately. This worried him. When he started this, He took Asuka\'s hesitation as a sign that Misato was right. Now Asuka had taken control of the situation. It was obvious that she was also a fast learner. She was now nibbling on his lip the way that he had done earlier. Almost without noticing what he was doing he put his arms around her waist holding her more closely to him. she was right on top of him with her legs on either side of his stomach. She was so warm and soft and it was nice to have her close to him. God, help me, I\'m getting into this, he realized with a start. Kaji could almost hear THAT part of him mind laughing back at him. He hated proving it right. He had to get back in control. At least now taking the next step would be easier.



Asuka almost immediately realized that she had taken Kaji by surprise. She just hoped that this wouldn\'t discourage him. She felt better when he put his arms around her. This is when a small voice in the back of her mind started raising the first alarms. "you do realize what kind of position you\'re in don\'t you?" She noticed with some embarrassment that she was straddling Kaji\'s stomach in

quite a suggestive matter but she had been too caught up in the moment for it to register much. This is when Kaji used his lips to part hers and gently slipped his tongue into her mouth. She shuddered as sensations that she had never experienced before flowed though her. his tongue was so warm and..wet. she was almost overwhelmed as Kaji explored the inside of her mouth. She realized that he knew just what to do to give her the most pleasure. This act was so intimate that the warnings in her mind spoke up again. "Aren\'t things happing a little fast?" But she fired back at the voice. "just shut UP. I want this to happen so bad." But the voice said "and just what you mean by "this"?". Asuka wasn\'t in the mood to argue with herself and decided to silence the voice by imitating Kaji\'s actions and decided to put her tongue to use too.



When Asuka started returning the French kiss, Kaji knew that he was in trouble. THAT part of his mind wasn\'t helping, "She tastes good doesn\'t she, don\'t you wonder if the REST of her tastes as good". But there was something else that alarmed him even more. He has reached the thin line. Before he had started, this was as far as he really wanted to go with Asuka. He had hoped that she would have stopped by now but she was not following his plan. He even had trouble imagining that it would get this far. He just couldn\'t see himself doing it. But now he was. As Asuka retuned the favor by exploring the inside of his mouth, Kaji had to admit, as much as he hated himself for it, he really was enjoying this. But what really scared him was that now he had no trouble seeing himself doing MORE with her. he knew that on the other side of the thin line things would start to get very personal very fast. He would be doing things with her that could change Asuka forever. She would not be innocent anymore (and as much as she would argue with him, she was, he could tell). The best thing that he could do was to stop now and cut his losses. However THAT part of him had other Ideas. "You can\'t stop now and you know it. You lost any choice in the matter at the beginning" This is when the real horror of his situation hit him. If he ended this now, things between him and Asuka would not be resolved, they would be worse. Because Asuka would think that he just needed more encouragement to fall for her. The other alternative was even harder for him to take. If he admitted the real reason why this happened, it would destroy their relationship forever. He was trapped, and the only way out was that Asuka HAD to be the one that ended this. And the only way to do that was to go over the thin line. So mustering all his resolve and steeling himself for what he knew he had to do, Kaji took the step.







Well what do you think? The plot thickens. Don\'t worry (or do), things will reach their climax in the next chapter. I hope you all like this. This is the first "hot" scene that I have ever written. I suffer from a lack of experience so I had to turn to others for inspiration. All the good Eva romances out there (lemon and otherwise) gave me the encouragement to try one myself. So till next time.



BigRed