Bride of Alucard

WARNING:
This story contains randomness and OOCness, the reasons are,
One: I am mentally insane.
Two: This is MY take on what it would be like if this happened.
Three: My brain is filled with one-liners from shows I love.
Four: I wanted to write a funny, random, mental, love story about Alucard but considering who he is, it is impossible to do so without OOCness

ALSO, I am a review whore, so review and rate please.
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Story start:
Ella woke up and congratulated herself for not falling out of bed and kissing the ground for the first time in over a week, she suddenly realised that the reason she had stayed on the bed was the fact that there was something stopping her from moving, she opened her eyes and hissed slowly as the pain came suddenly to her head, she looked at her left wrist, then her right, lifted her head slowly and started at her ankles, she heard laughter coming from the other side of the room and saw three men(? She wasn’t sure they were human) slowly walking towards her, she tried to think of something smart to say but sadly what came out was “Why am I chained to a bed, did I miss something fun?” they all blinked at the same time, she thought that was pretty cool and said in an excited tone “Do it again, do it again” they did it again, she laughed and said “YAY” they looked at her like she was slow, but damned if she didn’t feel better, she laid her head back down, closed her eyes and smiled.

“Don’t you understand the predicament your in or are you just slow” one of the stooges (as she now thought of them) said, now at this time Ella was getting a bit hurt at the amount of people calling her slow she wasn’t slow she was..um…um *ahem* anyway she looked up and said in the most serious tone she could muster “something was said, not good” they all looked at her again and while she was trying to figure out which one was Moe, the one she dubbed Curly said “I’ll ask you again, do you understand or are you slow?” the other one (Larry) said “well she is from another country that might explain it” that pissed Ella off Curly looked at her and smiled showing a bit of fang {that hussy} and said “is that true girly or do you get it?” she looked up frowned a little and said “I think so, that guy there (looking at Moe) is really a robot and you’re his boyfriend, so that makes you a gay robot” she smiled and said happily.

Then it all kinda went to shit, the stooges started yelling, for some strange reason they took offence when she called them gay robots ‘huh go figure’ she thought as Curly pulled out a gun, then Larry did the same followed by Moe, while there she was really confused as to why vampires needed a single human girl chained to a bed and guns to help with co-operation. Suddenly throughout all the insanity she heard something that made her smile.

A voice said (from out of nowhere) “you should have picked false” Ella started to laugh and everyone stared at her Curly glared at her and yelled “what the hell is so funny” she smiled and said “I’m just so happy to be here with all of you to share this special day” she watched fascinated as Curly took a deep breath let it out, took another and then started turning red in the face “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!” he screamed, she looked up at him and replied “say it don’t spray it, we want the news not the weather” Larry looked at her and said in a shocked tone “your insane” Ella gasped “I am not! How dare you. You sir have insulted my honour I challenge you to a duel”
The voice from nowhere replied again “you mean pistols at dawn”

Ella looked horrified “pistols at dawn are you serious, no wonder people die in duels how the hell can anyone pay attention at 10:30 in the morning” they all did that cool blinky thing again and Ella started to sing the theme song from Blinky Bill {Aussie cartoon about a koala name.. can you guess yep blinky bill) and finished with his catchphrase “extraordinary” looking around the room she was shocked to see that no one had yet picked up on any of her quotes and said “good god, what the hell do you people do for fun, cause its obviously not watching TV.”

“ENOUGH” screamed Curly or Larry or Moe, she didn’t know or care they bored her now and she decided to be nice and tell them so, but they reacted quite differently to the way she hoped.

All of a sudden the sound of guns being armed for use was heard followed by Ella’s “oh-oh” as she looked up at the three gun toting vampires she had to laugh, cause damn it, it was crazy here she was chained to a bed and instead of threatening to rip her apart they all had guns pointed at her.

Her smile fell from her lips as she realized that while it was stupid it was also real, odds were she was going to die here “aw shit” she whispered to herself.

She thought that maybe now was the time to hope for a miracle, then remembered that miracles now days consisted of bits of bread looking like people and while that may be cool she didn’t see how that could help her unless “say are any of you allergic to bread?” they all shook there heads “damn” she whispered so a miracle was out, ‘well I’m boned’ she thought.

The leader started to laugh like a mad man and the other two followed suit, Ella thought that looked fun and added her evil laugh to the group, they stopped, she felt hurt ‘what was wrong with my evil laugh’ she thought then pouted, suddenly the leader smirked, and Ella had to admit that was a damn good smirk. He lifted his gun aimed for her head and BANG

CLIFFHANGER!!!


CLIFFHANGER OVER BEGIN:
The leader lifted his gun aimed for her head and Ella thought that maybe she should have picked false, then BANG the leader just kinda exploded, then he fell down, she wondered if he was hurt, then thought that was a really stupid question considering the vamp just exploded.

She looked over and her eyes widened “son of a bitch” she muttered and started to laugh, the other two vamps looked over and there he was the vamp in red, larger then life, and smiling evilly, ‘god he looks good’ she thought ‘better then bread’ he looked over at her eyed her up and down, making her wish she had bothered to wear something pretty, when he looked at the two loser vamps and said “ why did you bother risking everything for that human, when others out there are much better looking. Not to mention smarter”

Suddenly she wasn’t happy to see him anymore, in fact she wouldn’t mind giving him a taste of the back of her hand, “asshole” she muttered and glared at him when his smile grew wider, then he lifted his gun (which see was happy to see was shiny) and decided that since the vamp had a shiny gun she would forgive him. After all he was sexy, and evil and damned if she didn’t have a weak spot for sexy, evil and twisted, and from the happy look on his face when the vamps lifted their guns, she decided he was all three.

Then they shot him not once, twice or even ten times nope no sir, they shot the shit out of him. Her mouth fell open as she watched the bullets enter and rip through his body leaving giant holes behind, it was hypnotic like a lava lamp, then his arm fell off and she wished she wasn’t chained to the bed cause damn it she wanted to poke it, make sure it was real and if it was, shoot the fucker herself for making her believe she was going to get out here alive, then she would wrap his bullet ridden body around a light bulb and use it as a mirror ball, then she would.

She looked up the shooting had stopped and all that was left of the vamp in red was his hat, coat and a shit load of blood. She didn’t know whether to cry or laugh over the absurdity of the situation, she did neither instead she laid her head back down and started praying for bread once more (that’s miracles for those who aren’t paying attention.)

Suddenly all she could see was shadows on the walls and they were moving, she frowned then lifted her head up and stared in shock as the shadows wrapped themselves around red vamps destructed body and then she saw that all the blood was moving back into the mangled corpse and that damn lava lamp effect happened again, she couldn’t look away slowly he started to stand and the shadows entered his body filling the holes, the blood had disappeared now, and as she looked up she saw him staring at her and her heart felt like it missed a beat, the all thoughts but one left her head, all she could think was ‘this is it, this is the one.’

One of the other vamp’s had noticed she was quiet and got concerned he looked over and saw her staring in shock at something and turned around just in time to watch a bullet come flying at the centre of his head, right between the eyes, the other vamp looked shocked at his friend then at the vamp in red, he too looked up in time to watch death come for him.

Ella lay there in shock she finally looked over at the dead vamps, then back to the red vamp and said “wow, they must have had really shit bullets” he said nothing but she saw him smile slightly, he came over and ripped off the chains, helped her up said “time for you to go home, little mental”

She glared and said “it’s Ella, you perverted lava lamp”

He looked confused for a split second before he masked his features, then replied “it’s Alucard, you disturbingly psychotic pile of mush”

She smiled and said “and now we’re BFF’s”

Alucard walked out carrying the psycho girl thinking ‘I’m not going to ask, I’m not going to ask’ before saying “BFF’s?”

The girl, Ella, said “Best Friends Forever” and laughed.